Chapter 5

Kate Beckett stalked down the New York City sidewalks at a near blinding pace. All she needed to do was get through the last three hours of her shift, and then she would be free for two whole days. She had never needed a weekend more (even if that "weekend" was actually a Wednesday and Thursday due to her ever-rotating schedule.)

The sun was shining, the air temperature pleasant, and there were chirping birds on many of the street lamps and road signs. All in all, the day was delightful and her mood should not have been sour, but it was thanks to…extenuating circumstances. And the frustrating witness interview had done nothing to improve her mood.

On any other day, interviewing the elderly Mrs. Klein about what she did or did not see during her mugging would have only been mildly annoying and she certainly could have smiled her way through it. That day, it grated on her every nerve. She had to admit to being thankful that her partner joined her on the interview and somehow knew just when to interject and temper the situation before Kate lashed out—even if doing so to a victim would have been entirely inappropriate. But she just couldn't help herself! She didn't want to help brush Mrs. Klein's three long-haired dachshunds or sip coffee from grounds that were probably close to a decade old. She just wanted to get in, get a statement, and leave and forty minutes later she'd finally accomplished that.

Consumed with her annoyance and already pre-writing her report in her mind, Kate had almost completely forgot about the fact that her partner still trailed behind her until they needed to wait at a crosswalk and his arm brushed up against hers. Kate glanced up to see that his expression indicated he was certainly enjoying the pleasant day, but even his smile didn't lighten her mood. Though she did make a mental note to thank later on him for helping with the interview; he definitely deserved to know how appreciative she was of how he handled himself—and her.

They crossed the street when the light turned and continued up the next block. They needed to separate to walk around a woman trying to wrangle her son into a stroller and before they could join up and walk side by side again, two boys Kate guessed to be around sixteen or seventeen whizzed by on scooters. As they passed, one knocked into Kate's shoulder so violently that she actually stumbled backwards. She managed to right herself while screaming out, "Hey! This is a sidewalk! Damn kids," she added a bit quieter.

"You okay Beckett? I don't think those kids were paying attention to where they were going," Castle said as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder as though he was examining it for a wound.

She shrugged off his touch and continued stomping her way uptown. "They were being jackasses."

"They're just kids," he commented, though a bit weakly after she shot him an irritated glare. She heard him sigh and then, when they came to the next street corner, he asked, "Anything I can do to make your day go better?"

She folded her arms over her chest and give a bitter snort. "No, Castle, there is not. Sometimes, a bad day is just a bad day. You can't make everything better all the time, you know? You're not Mister Fix-It. And you know sometimes people—Jesus! ARE YOU FUCKING—GOD!" Kate screamed obscenities when she felt an uncomfortable wet splat against her cheek and realized its source: a low-flying pigeon overhead.

As she had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to shriek at the creature that had already flown off, Castle nearly walked into her. When he righted himself and caught a look at her face, he tried to suppress a guffaw. "Oh my god."

"ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?" she snarled, incensed.

He held his hands up in defense. "No, no I am absolutely not laughing. I mean, maybe a little bit. No Beckett c'mon." He grabbed her arm when she tried to turn away and she growled again. Undeterred, her held her arm a bit firmer in his grasp. "C'mon—let me help you."

"No." She half whimpered as she felt some of the residue drifting further down her cheek. "You'll make it worse."

"I will not. C'mon—I have a kid remember. I can deal with messes. We just need to…" He paused and looked up the street for a moment before proclaiming, "Ah!" and beckoning her forward.

Too horrified to really protest, she followed, shuffling her feet along the sidewalk, not really caring where he was leading her. As it turned out, it was a Subway restaurant; he told her to wait outside while he ran in. A minute later he returned with several napkins balled together. He instructed her to turn and put the dirty side of her face in his direction. Then, he began to strategically wipe around her temple and cheek. She was actually surprised to realize that one of the napkins was wet. While she had no idea how he managed to collect wet and dry napkins so quickly, she began to feel guilty about how she'd been jumping down his throat just a few minutes earlier. She only lashed out at him because he was the only person within arms' reach and now he was helping her without even being asked.

"So, when was Alexis shat on?" she asked in reference to his 'handling messes' comment.

He turned away momentarily to throw the dirty napkins in a nearby trashcan. "Oh, it happens all the time at our beach house. Not really a big deal there—you just wash it off in the ocean. She never got it in her hair, though."

Kate grumbled as the notion that there was bird shit in her hair hit her once more. "Lucky."

"She would not have been amused, that's for sure." He used one more napkin on her cheek before stepping back and examining his work from a different angle. He gave a little shrug and then tossed the remaining napkins in the trash. "Well, it's probably not perfect, but I got most of it. It'll at least get you back to the Twelfth."

"Thank you. And…" She took a deep breath and rounded her shoulders, a bit guilty. "I'm sorry I snipped at you before. I didn't mean it. I…I've just been having one of those 'wrong side of the bed' days, I guess."

He brushed off her apology. "It's fine; we all have our bad days."

She resisted the urge to comment that he didn't seem to have any and instead said, "Still, I shouldn't have treated you that way."

Again, he shook her off, but that time, as he did so, he stepped in surprisingly close to her. "It's fine. I know that wasn't the real you. I know that you're actually-"

Castle had just lifted his hand to brush some of the hair back away from her face when they were both startled by a loud shriek of, "Jesus! Right here? On the street? Get a damn room!"

Dumbfounded, Kate looked in the direction of the sound and spotted a tall, thin woman with sharp features and a disgusted expression glaring at them from a few feet away. "Excuse me?" Kate said on instinct as her brain was still processing what was going on.

The woman gestured sharply towards castle and then shook her head in an almost nauseated way. "You don't have to flaunt your boyfriend in front of everyone, lady."

Feeling rage once again bubbling up inside her, Kate stepped forward while simultaneously pulling off the badge clipped to her belt. Holding it at face level, she spat, "He's not my boyfriend and it's detective."

The woman immediately went ashen, turned on her heel, and hurried down the street so quickly, Kate was almost surprised she didn't outright run. Then, looking back to her rather shell-shocked looking partner, she threw her hands up in the air and proclaimed, "Jesus! Is it a full moon?"

"I, ah…not for eight more days," he stammered out.

Kate rolled her eyes as her hardened exterior walls rose up around her once more. "Of course, you memorize lunar cycles. God, let's just get back before we're taken hostage or something." With that, she continued her walk uptown and didn't even bother to turn around to see if her partner was following her.

After saving and closing her interview report, Kate clicked over to her email box to see if any new messages had arrived; they hadn't. She then gazed to her left for the first time in perhaps twenty-or-so minutes to see that her partner still sat in the chair beside his desk in nearly the exact same position he'd been in the last time she looked. In that time, he hadn't said one word, which was quite atypical, leading to think that something was actually wrong.

An hour earlier, they'd arrived back at the Twelfth and she had gone immediately to the bathroom to wash her face and the part of her hair that had been christened by the bird. She'd half expected her partner to be gone by the time she arrived back at her desk, but he was still there. He said he wanted to stay in case she needed his help to fill in the holes in her report since she, in his kind words, wasn't having the best day.

While she didn't actually need much help, she appreciated his loyalty and asked him a few follow up questions simply to make him feel needed. While he did answer them, it was with a distinct lack of his usual exuberance, which she didn't initially put much stock in, but thinking back, his attitude seemed so dramatically different than when he'd been helping her clean up and—oh.

He had been touching her face. Thanks to the woman intent on throwing vitriol in their general direction, she'd nearly forgotten, but he had been, and not just when he was trying to clean off what the bird had left behind. Just as he seemed poised to compliment her he'd been touching her face gently—delicately. Almost as though he… No. No—that was silly. But there was definitely something wrong and she owed it to her partner to find out what.

She cleared her throat to call his attention away from the distant wall he was gazing at and said, "You've been quiet."

"Wha…I… I mean, I've just trying to give you some space."

She arched one eyebrow in his direction. "Since when? Seriously—what's going on with you?"

"It's nothing."

His tone was clipped and evasive and since she'd never before heard that from him, she knew something was actually going on—and imagined it was rather serious. They hadn't really had a serious conversation—not that she was opposed to it—but she felt they were on the precipice of one. Given that, she felt it only fair to own up to a serious confession of her own.

Never in her life had Kate been a heart-on-the-sleeve type of person—not even before her father's death. She was reserved and contemplative as a child. Sure, she laughed and had fun, but trusting never came easily and it certainly didn't after the world went sideways. She didn't like to show emotions or reveal her true feelings, because she believed doing so opened herself up to being hurt, and that was the last thing she wanted. In fact, it could have been argued that almost everything she did actively prevented herself from being hurt, but she also knew that bottling up all those emotions could eventually be detrimental.

She gazed at him for several moments, playing chicken with herself as she dared the words to come out of her mouth. Finally, she shut her eyes and momentarily clenched her fists before she simply let go. "I'm having a bad day because my father's birthday is in three days and missing him always makes me want to lash out at anyone or anything close by when it all feels—when it feels like it's going to boil over inside of me. Once again, I'm sorry that I took it out on you." She let a beat go by before blinking and saying, "Your turn."

Castle gazed at her for a minute seeming rather startled by her confession (not that she could blame him). Then, he brushed one hand beneath his chin and spoke. "The way that woman accosted us on the street. It's…. it's happened to me before when I was with my former wife. And my former fiancée. Actually, it's one of the reasons that relationship never made it to marriage. And, to be entirely honest, it was the main contributing factor in why my last girlfriend broke up with me—according to what she told me, anyway."

Kate leaned back in her seat as she processed the information. Though she'd been too generally enraged at the time to realize, the woman who accosted them had accused them of being them a couple. Though they were not romantic in any way, given his history, Kate imagined that did not make the woman's comments sting any less—and it certainly explained his solemn attitude that afternoon. Thinking in more general terms, Kate could not say she was entirely shocked by the way the strange woman had come at them. Though she had not personally experienced, she had heard stories.

"I guess I didn't really think of it that way. I was too generally mad, I suppose, but I'm not shocked. I've heard of plenty of women fighting over a man. I think there was even a case back when I was a rookie where one sister killed another because she wanted to marry her sister's husband."

"Hmm yeah. I'd believe it. It…" He paused for a moment, clearly struggling with his feelings. "It's strange. I'm certainly well aware of the fact that there aren't many men my age. Jealousy between women vying for my attention has never been well-hidden, but the…the viciousness of it surprises me sometimes; the aggression. I don't…I don't like conflict, never have and I certainly don't want to be the cause of conflict, but I… I can't live my life alone. I don't want to, and I shouldn't have to. It's… a difficult road to navigate."

She offered a gentle smile. "I can imagine."

"And," he continued with a deep sigh. "If I'm being entirely honest: I've found dating difficult in the wake of how my last relationship ended. I feel like I'm just gearing myself up for another heartache, which was why that woman's comments hit me a little hard—just felt like reinforcing my fears. Ah, sorry," he apologized, and if she was not mistaken his cheeks were actually a little pink. "Didn't mean for this to take such a serious turn."

Kate reached out and placed her hand on his forearm, which rested against the edge of his desk. "Don't apologize, Castle; I really appreciate you telling me. And I'm sorry you've had so many bad experiences. I… I think in the immediate aftermath of everything all us women really did build a community and we stood together, supporting each other. It's a shame that we lost some of that—that we can't just be happy for two people who have found love and happiness. And I really do hope you find that again."

He smiled. "Thank you. And thank you for telling me about your father. Will you and your mother be doing something special to honor him?"

"Ah, well, kind of. His… his favorite dessert was strawberry cheesecake, so that's what he got on his birthday so…so Mom and I usually get a slice and split it."

"That's great; glad to hear it."

"You lost your father too, I assume."

Somewhat surprisingly, he shrugged. "Maybe. I wouldn't know; I never met him."

Kate's jaw fell an inch, shocked that she had known him for four months and had yet to learn that fact about him. "You—you never…?"

"No. Don't even know who he is—and neither does Mother. They only spent one night together."

"You're kidding!"

"No."

"I…wow. I—sorry. I didn't realize or I wouldn't have brought it up."

He shook his head gently. "Don't worry about it. I'm not ashamed or upset by it; it's simply part of my story."

"Part of your story…" She echoed.

"Yep. Well, ah, I guess I should get going—unless you need me for the report still?"

"No, no; I submitted it already. Thanks for your help today, Castle."

He nodded and stood, saying, "Until tomorrow, Detective."

"Yeah," she sighed out. Then, she watched him go, feeling more intrigued than ever to know more about "his story."

As always - thank you for reading & reviewing!