Hello! Sorry for the hiatus, I had an extreme two weeks and did not have a second to sit down and write. I'm so happy I'm at it again, so stay tuned to the next chapter! :) Thank you so much for reading, I hope you'll like it! :)

...

The Normandy picked up the ground team from Sanctuary, and as soon as they boarded, they rushed to the War room. Saren ran through the ship like a bulldozer as the wrath clouded his eyes. Cortez watched frozen as the turian charged into the elevator, his feet heavy on the floor as he ran, like a wild animal pulled by the forces of anger.

His vision blurred, the realization that Jane was missing from the ship still vivid in him. His insides burnt, he wanted to shatter everything that came in his way, starting with the reaper that took her and the space that was now between them. He shouldn't have left her. He shouldn't have thought that this was a good idea. He didn't give a single fuck about anyone here, nor the ship, but her… his blood was boiling with an intensity that scared even him. He couldn't see straight, he couldn't hear anything, all that was left was just clear, crushing regret pressing on his chest. His constant growl left the crew of the Normandy mute, and when he entered the War room the air froze into ice.

Tali, EDI and Traynor waited for them in there, all silent.

Tali's face was buried in her hands, her posture defeated, and as the ground team entered, her eyes darted towards Saren.

"I..." she whispered with a broken voice.

Saren got stuck at the entrance. He wanted to just kill Tali.

The only thing holding him back was that little thought in the back of his mind that told him that Tali loved Shepard, and she loved her too. She would never forgive him for the quarian's death.

Garrus ran to Tali, curling his arms around her, looking back at Saren. He was waiting for him to attack. To shout, to break and wreck the room in his anger. He was ready to protect Tali from this monster, and it mattered not how angry Jane would be. But instead, all that happened was Saren's mandibles clicked. In frustration, anger, or possibly sadness.

He came down the steps with ragged movements, leaving Javik behind and moved to the console in front of him. He leaned on it, looking at the projection of the reaper on the holo. A heavy silence settled on the room, everyone waiting for Saren's reaction. It took all of his composure to keep his cool.

She was so far from him.

He never thought this would come to pass that Jane wasn't with him. It seemed so impossible and frustrating that it made him sick to the stomach. The girl stealing a smile from him on Virmire grew into something his mind battled to believe.

He did not remove his gaze from the projection.

"How did it happen? How did she get trapped?" he asked.

"I'm sorry..." Tali sobbed "She made sure we were in the docking tube first. Then she just..." she sniffed in agony "...The door closed and I couldn't open it anymore..."

"Where is the reaper now? Are there any troops on it?"

"No troops, and it's still in the Dholen system."

Saren stated without a second of hesitation: "She needs to get out of there, she's going to be indoctrinated."

"How much time do we have?" asked Traynor.

"That usually depends on what the reaper wants to do." he informed "If they want a competent slave, it can take weeks or months. If destruction is the goal a couple days tops. For lesser minds, it takes hours."

Tali stepped forward leaving Garrus' embrace. "This reaper is different."

Saren turned to her, stepping closer. The little quarian did the same, still broken but not afraid. "How so?"

"It's damaged. It got deactivated by the dark matter that seeped into its core and overloaded it. Barely any of its systems were working and the drive core was messed up from the dark matter. It's heating back up again, resulting in another overload." she said.

"It's also likely crazy" Traynor added "It left the Dholan system three times, and drifted between other star systems. Never once did it use the mass relay, and it's currently circling around Haestrom."

That was strange. Saren turned back to Javik who was listening in the background. "Did anything similar happen in your cycle?"

"Yes." he nodded, coming closer and settling next to Saren "Occasionally a reaper would deviate from the others. Those all had damaged drive cores."

"That's because the drive core supplies the energy" Saren voiced his thoughts "It cannot run all of its processes that are responsible for the cognitive programming."

"Wait" Tali interrupted him "You know how they work?"

He exhaled disappointedly.

"Not entirely, but I do have some knowledge from the time I travelled with Sovereign. I know that their build resembles organics, leviathans. They need energy to function properly just like us, or other non-sentient ships. If there is not enough energy, the functions suffer. That is why we must act fast."

"What do you mean?" Tali asked. Saren motioned at the projected reaper.

"There are two ways to indoctrination with infrasound. High-intensity, short overexposure, or a longer term, step-by-step method. Infrasound in large quantities will destroy a mind, but in smaller quantities, over time, it transforms it. Any reaper in their right mind would take this opportunity to indoctrinate Jane in the best possible way. Slowly and ruthlessly, to ensure that the hope of the galaxy turns into a sleeping agent of the reapers. This is how they can do the most damage."

"But this reaper is insane." Javik argued. Saren nodded.

"Exactly. It's going through the system like it's void of reason. It's probably going to destroy Jane as fast as possible."

Garrus started growling: "Then what? We have a day and that's it?"

Saren leaned on the console again.

"Not… necessarily." he said suspiciously "I made sure that would not be so easy of a task to do."

"What did you do?" asked Garrus, his mandibles held tight to his jaw. Saren straightened his back, strangely confident.

"I gave her a ring."

Garrus shifted uncomfortably. The ring that appeared on her hand after Rannoch... He knew it was from Saren, but he'd never given it a second thought. He thought it was some sick form of binding Shepard to him... It looked like he was wrong.

"It's not a common ring, it's a tiny prothean computer. We all know that reapers use infrasound for indoctrination..." The tension was sharp in the room, only Saren's metallic voice filling the air. "...That ring blocks infrasound."

Tali moved so fast, Garrus could barely react. It was a move of trust, in which she crashed into Saren, hugging him.

"Thank you" she whispered. Saren froze, not knowing what to do from the surprise. It wasn't every day that his actions were appreciated by anyone. Garrus' surprised face however was easing his tension. Tali then let go of him, looking him in the eye "I now know why she reacted so differently to the reaper ship when we boarded. She felt a lot less than what I did."

Saren smiled. This was proof that the ring was working.

"Still, it's not enough. It helps, but it's not going to save her." he turned to the reaper again "I'm going back for her."

Garrus cleared his throat and corrected him: "You mean we."

"No. I will go, and I will go alone. You can all be indoctrinated, you cannot come. I am immune to it, therefore I am the only one fit for the task. Not to mention hacking. I should be able to succeed where you could not proceed otherwise."

"You know it all fist so conveniently..." Garrus started, his tone sharp "She gets taken by a reaper, and you follow her to save her... And then you forget to return. It's a perfect plan to get her captured and save yourself too in the process. And by the time the Normandy notices the trick, you have already killed her."

"You fool" Saren growled in reply, his hands clenched into fists. "Your misguided judgement clouds your logic!"

"Why should we trust you?"

He sighed. "Because you have no other choice."

The door shut behind Saren upon entering his bunk. He stopped in there, frozen for a second. The tension in his body that he pushed down so deep while talking to the crew held him still. He felt his vision go blurred as the nerves were escaping him, even though he desperately tried to keep them hidden. He felt his stomach almost jump in angst as he walked to his workstation. He looked at his tools like they were the only things keeping his mind together.

It wasn't working.

He crashed his hands into the table and ripped it in half in a second. It was all coming loose and as the blood rushed in his veins he started destroying everything. A sharp, desperate roar escaped him, leaving his lungs empty, dry. All the tools were flying, and once he was done with the table, he destroyed everything else in the room. When there was nothing else left, he suddenly stopped.

He threw himself to sit on his bed, his elbows on his knees, supporting his head. He looked at his hands, his talons, still remembering how he held her tiny hands in his. She belonged with him. She was meant to be with him, and not millions of miles away. The only being in the universe who he cared about the slightest could not be taken away so easily.

Especially not by indoctrination.

When he thought about it, his hands clenched into fists. The memory was living within him deep, tearing him down at the back of his mind.

But she was capable, and he was sure she was still alive, fighting that damned reaper.

Heavy air surrounded her, muting and paralyzing her.

She couldn't open her eyes, her headache was pounding and did not let any of her thoughts finish. She felt like she was frozen in time, floating in air in the middle of nowhere. The muffled sound of the reaper was all around, but she heard it really vaguely now, like through a glass window.

The world was moving around her, the reaper kept turning and twisting in space. The sun appeared, then left her, then returned again. Soon she was in the emptiness without light, feeling the distance of the stars. As the reaper turned, she turned with it, like a sunflower towards the sun.

She had no idea how much time had passed. Hours… Days... Who knows. She couldn't do anything, she couldn't hack reaper technology and she had no weapons to make an escape of her own. She had no shuttles anyway, so there was nothing to escape on.

The silhouette of the drive core burned in her mind, the icy blue eezo tainted with invisible darkness. She should be already dead.

She opened her eyes. The metal walls surrounded her, pushing her to the floor where she laid. She slowly sat up and reached to her head. She tossed the helmet off, letting her hair loose. She rubbed the hair out of her face raggedly, her hands shaking, her bones heavy. She removed her gloves and looked at her hands.

Her ring… it was pulsating a soft green light, the silver circuits alit with electricity. It was a small part of Ilos, a memory in the flesh. Saren's memory. Of a previous life, of a chance wasted, the memento of regret and supression. Tears gathered in her eyes. This ring was the only piece of reality that reminded Saren that he ever existed in the first place, the only proof of his life being genuine before he was rebuilt.

And he gave it to her.

She lifted the ring up and pressed it to her forehead, not being able to stop her tears from streaming down her face.

She's never going to see him again. The feeling tore through her insides, squeezing her chest with a force she could not stop. It was eating away at her, and she breathed for air, shaking, reality pushing her down. Nothing ever mattered anymore, even winning the war seemed pointless. But there was one thing she could do.

And amidst her breakdown, she pressed herself up to her knees and slowly stood up. The drive core.

"No" she heard the reaper in the back of her mind, and ignored it. She had no idea how she could do it, but it was happening. She pushed to the door, slow and void of strength. The energy of the reaper sucked her dry, but she was not ready to give up. Not yet.

"NO!" screamed the reaper.

"Shut up!" she shouted into the void, opening the door and making her way slowly on the corridor to the drive core. She had no idea where it was, but she was determined to find it. She needed to end this, one way or the other.

"If you destroy me, you'll die too."

"Very well..." she sighed, going through the corridors towards the lower levels. A second later a sound of an explosion could be heard, she felt a force under her feet, pressing on her lungs and chest and she fell down the stairs. The force opened the panels on the walls, ripping out the cables. She stood up, and the ship was now ringing like a cradle, floating like a vessel in water. And she knew the mass effect field mitigating the motion of the ship around the reaper was gone.

But she still pressed on.

The reaper then took a sudden U turn and she flew across the air, crashing into the walls, screaming, but she did not stop. She stood up and continued, even with her head aggressively bleeding from the fall. She felt the reaper slowing her down, pushing at the back of her mind, trying to take control and destroy her. She resisted, but it was heavier by the minute and her steps became more and more forceful.

"Get out of my head!" she screamed as she reached a giant door. She knew this was it. The door was damaged, possibly from the move the reaper just pulled. She separated the wings and climbed through, eventually laying her eyes on the drive core.

It was enormous.

A giant orb, a core of eezo now shining in bright red from the dark matter, pulsating vividly. She stepped closer raising her gun, looking for a target, scanning the place. She noticed the giant metal claws mounting the drive core from top and bottom, keeping it in place, but now shaking aggressively. Shooting them until they become unstable will release the core. Ending the reaper, and killing her in the process.

She rubbed the blood out of her eyes with a fierce, stern expression on her face.

"This is it, monster..." she hissed.

A screeching sound tore into her mind and a scream emanated from her chest.

"Your game is over, little one."

She felt the claws around her neck, seeping into her core, paralyzing her. She tried with all her might to resist, but her arms moved, lowering her weapon and she cried out. Her nose started bleeding and the blood in her eyes clouded her vision, painting everything in red. Her throat went dry and she felt reason slowly leaving her. She twitched, shaking as the pain surged into her bones and muscles. She was holding onto the gun with a force she almost crushed it, tears falling down her face.

She cried, wincing in pain. "Get out of my head!"

But it was not enough. Nothing was enough.

Saren practically blew through the docking tube, running through the reaper. He went right to the control room, systematically hacking every door in minutes. When he reached it, he immediately started hacking the main console, sweeping through the algorithms like a swarm of geth. It took him a bit of time, but he was eventually in the system, searching through the logs and automatic status reports, trying to find any traces of Jane.

The damage was insane. It was a miracle that the air pumps were working, since barely anything else did. The mass effect field was offline (which he could feel from the movements of the ship) and targeting and nav systems were fried. The core was heating up rapidly, more so in the last ten minutes than in the last ten hours.

"There you are..." he whispered, looking at the core temperature. These last ten minutes were really eventful according to the logs, especially around the eezo core, and he knew now where Jane was.

He left the console as is, and exited the room. He went through the levels, deeper and deeper into the bowels of the ship and eventually found the place. When he stepped through the broken doors, he saw it.

The giant drive core flowing in red, almost in flames from the heat.

And in front of it, a small silhouette of a woman in armor. Red hair, a gun in her hand, held to her temple. Saren's expression distorted into a face full of wrath… full of fear.

"No!" he shouted.

The woman turned around in haste, fearful, with shaking hands and a confused expression. The left side of Jane's face was swimming in blood, her silverish blue eyes filled with tears, looking right at Saren, surprised, fearless, but weak, lost. She was not herself.

"Don't come any closer!" she screamed, pointing the gun at Saren franticly in confusion.

"Snap out of it!" he said as he took a step closer, slowly. Their eyes met, blue in blue, and she started shaking more and more. He could tell she was fighting the reaper's influence, the war was written on her face. He took another step closer. "It's me."

Her lips were shaking. "Saren..." she whispered.

He was so close now, the barrel of the gun in her hand touched his chest. He did not remove his gaze from her, but slowly reached up and put his hand on the gun. She looked at it, still confused but she was too paralyzed to stop him. He moved his hand and brushed the gun off his chest by taking her wrist in his hand. He slowly, gently twisted her hand and the pistol fell down.

He moved both of his hands to her head. He dig into her hair, covering her ears, making her look at him.

"Don't listen to it" he commanded "It has no power over you."

In her pain, her eyes fixed on his, and he saw the confusion. Deep down she was in there, fighting to get out, screaming. Her face distorted, darkness looming in her features, tortured, broken. She was barely standing, shaking under his touch. In those eyes he saw himself, the pain that indoctrination put him through.

"Come back.." he asked, gentle this time "Come back home to me."

Her body shuddered, and her face changed. The fogginess disappeared from her eyes as she released her breath. A similar spark returned, her vision became focused, sharp, and recognition appeared in it. She recognized him. She was breaking free.

He couldn't help but press his forehead against hers.

"Saren" she whispered his name, this time without fear, instinctively moving closer to him. Her head eased in his grip and her hand moved to squeeze his wrist. Even with blood in her eyes, she looked absolutely perfect.

She won where he had previously fallen. But Jane's eyes only looked for him, and not his mistakes. She needed him, and he could hear her heartbeat calling. She was waiting for him. For years after he died, and now to come to her.

He was here. He finally arrived, never to leave again. She was everything he ever needed in life, and there were no words how much he wanted her in this second.

And right there, under the flaming, crimson drive core he pressed his lips to hers.

The sensation was short, but it burned both their minds blank. The tension eased as they finally collided, lost in the kiss they shared. They lingered for a long second, not wanting this moment to end. When they parted, he was holding her tighter than ever before, and he vowed silently to never let her go. Her eyes sparkled with relief, but closing down as her strength finally left her.

She collapsed, her hand falling limp next to him. He caught her by the small of her back and quickly moved his hands to her knees, lifting her up in his arms. He looked up at the drive core, and turned around. It was time to leave this place.

He carried her up to the control room, but the path there was everything but smooth. The reaper was furious and mad, turning constantly to slam to the walls and the floor, but he didn't stop for a second. When he got back to the consoles, he released Jane's legs but kept her up next to him with one hand. With the other he started hacking, going deep into the reaper's nav system, searching for a code that could give him what he wanted.

This reaper hurt her, trapped her, and he was not letting this go without any consequence.

She started to move, eventually waking up.

"Right on time!" he commented as Jane stood up on her own legs, but not moving away from his embrace. He could feel she wasn't holding herself up fully, and so his left hand stayed wrapped around her waist.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice weak. The injury on her head was taking her away quickly back to unconsciousness again, she must have lost a lot of blood.

"This reaper is going back to the hell it crawled out of" he growled, pressing one final button on the console, and motioning towards the windows in the room. She turned her head to look out and saw the stars move as the reaper slowly turned, right towards the sun. They got engulfed in the golden light of the star, that became stronger and stronger with every second.

"Saren, are you -"

"I directed it right to the centre of this fucking sun, and it will not be able to overwrite my commands. Good luck coming back from there, you ass." he said with an evil, dark smile on his face more to the reaper than Jane. "But that means we need to go now. Can you walk?"

"I think so.." she said, still dizzy, pressing her hand to her head wound to slow the bleeding.

"Come!" he said, grabbing her hand and leading her back the same route he came from when he boarded the ship. He had to hack every door once again, but it only slowed them down, it did not stop them. But right before reaching the docking area, one of the doors did not respond. They were running out of time the closer the reaper came to the sun.

"This one's busted. We need to open it manually" he commented deep in focus, and even with her injury, Jane noticed how sharp he'd gotten with reaper tech. It was more than impressive.

"How did you arrive?"

"Kodiak shuttle. The Normandy is close by in stealth mode."

Saren pressed his talons into the crack of the door and separated it at the opening in the middle. He pulled on it, opening it, but it wasn't an easy task. He was strong. Extremely strong. But this was the first time when Jane saw him exert himself truly, physically. "Fucking reapers" he cursed, groaning at the door but eventually he managed to open it.

"Go now!"

Jane squeezed herself through under his arm that held the door, then looked back. She opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly a shock went through the whole ship, sending quakes through the metal, and Saren's hand slipped.

The door slammed shut, trapping his left arm in between and cutting it clean off.

A thunderous roar escaped him as he fell to the ground, frozen from the pain. Jane screamed and kneeled down next to him. "No! No!" she cried in haste, trying to help.

But everything went black for Saren. He could concentrate on nothing but the pain, for a second he couldn't move, he couldn't think. The shock took him over, and as he felt his own blood painting the ground blue, his heart started throbbing. But he also felt her hand on his plates, her omni tool pumping medigel into his body.

"Please.." he heard her cry. His resolve strengthened by her voice, and he forced himself to open his eyes. His remaining right hand grabbed her waist and he stood up. He could only see blood, but he moved, further and further.

Jane got swept away with him.

He held her tight to himself, moving fast, ignoring his injury. His eyes were black from the pain, but he did not stop. He pushed and pushed, going until one last drop of his blood remained.

Joker started shouting, wanting to jump out of his chair. "They're back!"

Garrus leaned on the console next to Joker, looking at the scanners. Saren indeed was on his way back, and he felt ashamed already.

"Open the hangar." he told Joker, then left him there to make his way down to the shuttle bay, bringing Tali and EDI along. He genuinely expected Saren to not return ever again, but this shuttle incoming was proving him wrong. He was in no mood to apologize to Saren, but it was inevitable at this point. He felt like he was a dick, and he did not like that feeling. But once they reached the bay, everything was put into perspective. Almost the whole crew gathered to see if their Commander has returned or not. The hangar door opened, and the Kodiak slowly hovered in, then crashed down to the ground without any fine maneuvering. The shuttle doors opened, and everyone lost their breath.

Saren stepped out of there with Jane in his arm, keeping her close, keeping her safe. Jane seemed to be half awake, mosty aware of her surroundings, but weak, dazed. But Saren was more than awake. His right hand protected Shepard, his body in a fighting stance, guarding her with every move he made. His eyes were in blood, completely losing their usual twinkle. Just the black remained, keeping the darkness at bay. His mandibles were tight on his face, and as he turned, looking at Garrus in delusion, he revealed his left side.

The whole crew went completely silent.

Garrus almost wanted to disappear in shame.

Saren, holding Jane on his right, while his left hand was nowhere, ripped off, just bright blue blood running down his sides, now took a step forward. Towards Garrus, slowly but surely, his eyes conveying a message.

He was reduced to his basic instincts, only the need to protect Jane remaining on top.

Garrus stepped to Saren and laid his arms out, motioning to Saren without saying a word, that this is the time. His grip loosened, and Garrus lifted the the now unconscious Commander and turned around to immediately take her to the med bay.

And the moment he took Jane away from him, the adrenaline rush subsided in Saren, freezing him in his tracks.

"Keelah!" whispered Tali, stepping closer. He lost a lot of blood, and it was a miracle he could even make it this far, not to mention carrying Jane back with him. She reached his hand out to help, but the turian looked at her without moving his head.

And without warning, his strength left him and he collapsed on the floor, finally giving in to the bloodloss.