Chapter 9

Kate sat at her desk with headphones in her ears, heavily focused on the article she was reading about new advances in fingerprint collection technology. Though she wore the headphones, no music played in her ears; they were merely a decoy. She was not having the best day and thus did not want to be bothered and everyone knew that wearing headphones was code for, "Don't bother me unless its urgent." Well, perhaps not everyone, for she had been interrupted several times that day, but for the most part it had been quiet, and that's what she hoped for the remaining three hours of her shift.

Just as she finished up the article, Kate was slightly startled by the sound of knuckles rapping against her desk. She gasped as she pulled the headphones out of her ears, but then looked up to see the smiling face of her companion. "Oh. Hi," she said as a rather lackluster greeting. She had last seen him the night before when she left his apartment. He had been complaining about his "super early" meeting the next morning with his editors at Black Pawn and since she had to be on shift at seven-thirty and his meeting was at nine, she had not been interesting in entertaining his gripes; so she'd said goodbye and asked him to call her after the meeting.

"Good afternoon Beckett," he said as he took a seat in his chair.

"How was your meeting?"

He shrugged. "Pretty standard. I have a list of changes to make—some I will, some I won't."

"That's nice."

"What's wrong?" he asked, presumably at her disinterested response.

She turned to him and managed a slight smile. "Nothing; I'm just very busy."

"Anything I can help with?"

"No. You should just go work on your editing."

He made a flippant gesture with his hands. "Pst; no way! They gave me ten days, so I won't start it for a least week."

Though he winked at her, it did not make the smile on her face grow. Instead, she nodded and turned back to her computer screen. A moment later, she felt his fingertips against her forearm and jerked back as though he'd electrocuted her.

"Hey wha—what's going on Kate?"

Had she not already been so riled up, she would have found his concerns endearing, but in that moment, they served only to further irritated her. Knowing she was about to lash out and did not want him to be on the receiving end of it, she jerked herself up and out of her seat while saying sharply. "I'm fine."

He stood as well. "Where are you going?"

"The bathroom," she snipped. Then, without waiting for his response, she turned and stalked down the hallway towards the women's room.

Kate took two full minutes in front of the mirror in the thankfully empty bathroom to take deep breaths and calm her thundering heart. She spent another minute rehearsing the exact words she would say to Castle and the exact tone she would use. She would reiterate that she was busy and ask him to please go with the promise she would call him later. She figured he might protest a little bit, but she hoped her tone and imploring expression would convince him without too much of a fight.

On her way back to her desk, Kate realized she had not taken into consideration Castle's extreme curiosity, for when she spotted him and realized he held the crumpled napkin that had kick started her terrible day, all sense of calm evaporated and she felt a bomb of fear, frustration, and rage detonate in her chest.

"Castle!"

The explosion of her voice startled him and he noticeably jumped. He recovered quickly, though, and held the napkin up in front of his chest. Before he could utter more than, "Wha-" she pounced on him.

"Jesus—not even my trash is safe from you now?"

"I…it was on the ground," he defended weakly, pointing to the space under her desk were the trash can resided.

Too angry to realize she must have missed the trash can she continued her assault with, "You can't just go through my things now that were…were…whatever."

Offense flickered through his expression. "Kate, I really-"

"Can you just go? Can you just leave? Please, just leave."

He set his jaw and reached out for her arm. "Come with me."

She twisted out of his grasp and defiantly said, "NO!" a bit louder than she should have. They now had the attention of everyone in the room, which was the exact last thing she wanted, but it was too late to do anything about that.

"Kate, please." The writer continued, thankfully having the wherewithal to remain quiet with his tone. "I just need two minutes of your time and then I'll go."

She huffed angrily, but relented to the two minutes, especially if they would allow her to finish the afternoon in peace. That time, when he reached out for her arm, she didn't move away. She let him guide her into the breakroom, where he shut the door firmly behind them, and held out the napkin again. "What's this?"

"Nothing." Her reply was childish and she knew that, but her walls had re-erected themselves and she was doing everything she could to protect her heart.

To his credit, Castle never seemed impatient, but he was definitely firm when he next spoke. "It's not nothing; it's something we need to talk about it. Something you should have brought up with me and not simply threw away in the trash, because that's not going to make it go away, is it Kate?"

He let the question hang in the air for a moment before he stepped forward and softened his tone. "I'm going to cut you some slack here because I know you haven't been in a relationship since you were practically a kid. This is new to you and were going to have some bumps in the road; that's fine, but you need to understand that relationships mean openness, honesty, and sharing. I want you to share with me, Kate, because I'm going to share with you. If something is upsetting you then it becomes my problem too. Particularly in this case, since the problem seems to directly involve me."

Feeling as though she was a child being scolded for breaking a lamp, Kate could not look him in the eye. Instead, she looked at the napkin and felt the same nauseating feeling she had when she first discovered it draped across her keyboard that morning.

We already think you're a bitch—bragging about your new boyfriend won't help

Reading the note had ignited an amalgamation of emotions in her chest: anger, embarrassment, and maybe a little bit of shame. She instantly tried to think about the day before and what sort of incident had sparked such a response. Castle had only been there briefly in the morning to deliver coffee and ask if she had a new case, but there wasn't one, so he'd said his goodbyes just as casually as ever; he hadn't even kissed or hugged her. She couldn't imagine how that incident, no different than any others, would have upset anyone. It took her the better part of the morning to realize the note could have been referring to something that had happened the day before that, which made her feel even more upset. And furious.

Clearing her throat, Kate scuffed the top of her shoe against the floor as she turned her gaze upward. "I, ah, found that on my desk this morning."

"Do you know who did it?"

"No. I… it took me a while to figure out what it might be referencing. You and I have been together over a month, so why say that now? It's not like anyone caught us making out on my desk or something. Then I remembered. Two days ago, Lanie stopped by to bring some paperwork. She sat in your chair and we talked for a few minutes about us and how things were going. I…I guess we might have been a little louder than we should have been, but…" She sighed and skimmed her hand across her brow. "She was excited to listen, and I was excited to tell her about how this is the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life. Happiness I didn't think I could feel again."

She reached out for the napkin and held it between her hands, staring down at the jagged, angry text. "I thought I could just forget about the note because I don't give a shit what others think of me. I threw it away and tried to focus on our work, but with each person that passed by me, I thought about whether or not more than just one person might have this opinion. I thought about the incident with the women who accosted us on the street and how you said that jealousy and hate from other women has been a problem in the past. I don't want that to be us…I don't want…I don't want anyone to take this from me." She confessed as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

He reached out and caught the tear with his index finger. "They can't."

She sniffed and nodded her head. "I know. I know, but…I don't want you to be hurt either."

He smiled gently. "I'm a pretty tough guy."

"Really?" she asked, thinking about the time he yelped girlishly when one of her coworkers accidentally dropped a stapler off her desk and it exploded on the tile floor.

"Emotionally tough," he clarified at her skepticism. "Especially when I need to be. C'mere," he encouraged as he pulled her into a hug. Stroking his hands down her back he asked, "Do you want me to not shadow you anymore?"

She gave his waist a tight squeeze. "No."

"Good I don't want that either. Is there anything else I should do?"

"No. No, I…" She sighed and took a step back to collect herself once more. "I think I just overreacted a little bit about this; I doubt its all of my coworkers who feel this way and even if they do, we can deal with it. We'll be ok."

"Of course we will. Anything else I can do before I go?"

"No."

"Okay…how about a special dinner tonight at my place? Steaks, grilled veggies, maybe some wine…"

She smiled. "Well I definitely won't say no to that."

"Great." He leaned in and kissed her forehead before saying, "See you later!"

Kate lagged behind in the breakroom, taking one last look at the napkin and then throwing it in the trash—and making sure it actually went in that time. Castle was right. No one could take her happiness from her without her permission, and she definitely was not going to let go of it any time soon.

"You know what I'm most thrilled about regarding our conversation earlier today?"

Kate gazed up at her boyfriend as he walked out of the bathroom now wearing the t-shirt and boxers he intended to sleep in. After a lovely evening during which they had spent some time eating dinner and chatting with his daughter before retreating to his bedroom for more intimate activities, they had decided to call it a night. He asked that she stay, and she had agreed so she had been waiting for her turn in the bathroom for the prior few minutes.

"You mean about that note?" She asked; he bobbed his head. "Well, probably that I actually talked to you about what I was feeling instead of just keeping it all in." That was the thing she was most proud of herself for and hoped she would continue to do in the future—with his encouragement of course.

He knelt down on his side of the bed. "That was good, but no, I meant when you said this is the happiest you've ever felt."

A smile blossomed on her face and she knew her cheeks were probably a little pink, but she didn't care. "It really is. I... ever since I was sixteen I didn't think having a relationship with a man was even possible and I...I just sort of adapted to being alone. I never thought I'd want this or, if I'm being honest, enjoy it if I had it, but it do. It's...kind of amazing." Due to an extreme lack of opportunity, Kate never gave much thought to having a boyfriend, though when she did on occasion think about it, it was within the context of how much work it would be. Coordinating schedules, making sure the other person agreed to plans—it all seemed like a lot of work. While she was still getting used to some aspects of their new relationship, Kate knew before it even began that the benefits would far outweigh the negatives.

"Well, I definitely agree with that," he said before kissing her.

When she pulled back, her expression was slightly uncertain. "Really? even though you've done this before?"

He shrugged and then nodded. "Every relationship is different but this one feels...extraordinary."

"I'm glad. I'll be right back," she said before hopping off the bed and grabbing the small toiletry case that she was now keeping in her purse in case of impromptu sleep-overs.

After washing off her makeup and brushing her teeth, Kate returned to the bedroom and put the toiletries back into her purse, only to hear her partner say, "You can leave some stuff here, you know."

"Hmm?" she replied, not entirely sure what he meant.

He gestured towards her purse as he spoke. "I know it's only been two weeks since we started spending nights together, but I also know you haven't done this before, so I just wanted to make sure you know: it's okay to leave stuff here. Toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush…whatever you need."

"Oh, um." She glanced briefly back to her purse and then climbed up on the bed to sit beside him. "Thanks. I'm glad you said something because I wasn't quite sure how this all worked." She didn't really have an issue with her toiletry case—particularly not when they were still "easing in" as she requested, but she also knew it would be a bit old after a while, particularly since though they weren't rushing in to anything, it was not as though they had just met; she was very comfortable around him and believed he felt the same.

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I figured."

Feeling suddenly embarrassed, she confessed, "I feel kind of silly. Like I should know some of this stuff."

"How could you?"

"I don't know. Is there a manual I could read?"

"There's no manual for life, but that's okay—it would ruin the fun."

She nodded as she slipped her feet beneath the covers. "I suppose it would." As she arranged herself beneath the sheet, she could not help but chuckle softly at a recollection she had from the day before. He picked up on it and asked, "What's with the smile?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon. Share."

Biting down on her bottom lip, she said, "It's silly just…I was thinking about what my mom said the other day. We were talking about relationships and you and me and how even though all this scares me a little bit it's the good kind of scared because I'm also so happy. She told me her favorite part of relationships—the thing she misses the most—are these little conversations before bed. Decompressing from the day. Chatting about random things. She said they become the most meaningful and I think she's totally right."

"She is—at least in my experience. Nothing better than relaxing with someone you trust, someone you know you can say anything to."

She one hundred percent felt that he was that person, but also knew that because of her tendency to keep feelings to herself, he may not have been entirely aware of those feelings, so she decided to be very clear about them by saying, "I trust you."

"And I you," he replied before giving her a sweet kiss. Then, he reached over and turned out the lamp beside the bed.

Kate slipped beneath the covers, curled her hand around his bicep and gave it a squeeze. "Goodnight, Castle."

"Until tomorrow, Kate," he replied and then they both drifted off to sleep, the smiles never leaving their faces.

A/N : First thank you all for being patient with this story as it got disrupted by holiday fics. There is an epilogue and i will post that tomorrow just so this doesnt drag out any longer :)

Then I'll post another part of my super strange ficlet...and then hopefully we'll move on to another multi chap :)

thanks for all your reviews!