Chapter Seven

Jamie gently rubbed Eddie's arms and shoulders absently sighing. "Have you thought about what to do with his things?"

Jamie shook his head, "I didn't want to because then it would be real."

"It is real," Eddie replied. "Our son is gone, but we have another child to protect, a five-year-old who has no idea what's happened yet."

He sighed kissing her head, "I'll take care of it Eddie."

"No... Let's leave it a few more days and then...Tonight I just need you."

"I'm here Eddie," Jamie cradled her tight placing kisses along her head.

She turned and looked up at him, blue eyes shining with tears. She laid her hand on his cheek and kissed him in the lips conveying in that kiss what she needed. "I love you Eddie love you so much," Jamie whispered rubbing her back.

They wrapped their arms around each other gently kissing and caressing seeking to reaffirm life in all their loss

They didn't discuss, they usually didn't. They slowly walked back to their room kissing and touching all the time.

Jamie helped Eddie onto the bed wrapping his arms around her waist studying her.

She opened her lips and her body to Jamie. She loved him so much, but she was so bereft. Jamie held her tight needing her just as much as she needed him right now. Their kisses were tender, little sighs and moans came from both. As they explored each other's bodies, they both began to cry. The level of emotion was too great.

Jamie and Eddies tears mingled and joined. He kissed their path down her neck and onto her breasts. She sighed and arched up." Jamie, I need you," Eddie sobbed looking up until their eyes met

"I'm here," he replied as their bodies met desperately. "I'm here I love you so much. I'm sorry Eddie. I'm sorry."

He leaned down giving Eddie what she longed for at this time.

Eddie fell asleep in Jamie's arms, their first night in a real bed since the shooting happened five days ago. Had it really only been five days since they lost their little boy? Five days since Mary skipped out of the house holding her father's hand, with her brother and sister by her side. She wasn't able to walk now, she might not ever again.

Eddie woke up to a cold bed. She almost forgot what had happened. The ache in her breasts and in her heart reminded her that she had lost her son and had to feed her baby girl that was with her grandpa eating breastmilk from a bottle for the third time in five days.

She went to get her breast pump; then she heard it, the soft, rugged breathing, and the deep gut wrenching sobs. She turned toward Joey's room, she knew that was where she'd find Jamie. He hadn't cried much so far, he needed the release and she had to be there for him.

She walked into their boy's room for the first time since he had died. Her gut ached seeing his teddy bear on his bed, his clothing hanging in the closet, his little shoes lined up on the floor near the door…Jamie was holding one of the shoes, his Thomas Train Sneaker in his hand, close to his heart.

She slid her arms around him, rocking gently, "It's okay, baby. Let it out. Let it all out. I'm here, I'm here, let it go."

He dropped the sneaker and sobbed, "What did I do?" he sobbed. "What did I do?"

"Ssh, ssh," Eddie soothed. "Ssh, honey. I know, I know it was a mistake, I know that it was, ssh."

Now was not the time for angry words or recriminations, now was the time for support, for love…Eddie would not be able to forgive this for a long while, he knew that, but in this moment in time, none of that was going to matter, all that mattered now was the man she loved needed her, and she was going to be there for him, as he had been for her.

Jamie lay his head against her sobbing and shaking in Eddie's arms letting out all the emotion he'd held in to be strong for Eddie. In return she held him, rocked him, comforted him as best she could

"Let's get out of here, let's sit on the couch and just hold onto each other." She hated to see his pain.

"I didn't even mean to come in here but..." Jamie held the shoe tighter against his chest.

"I know honey," she sighed. "I know let's go sit down

Jamie dropped the sneaker to take Joe's teddy bear looking at Eddie with red brimmed eyes. They sat on the couch with the bear.

"I'm sorry if I've been hard on you," she sighed. "I am trying to understand that choice."

"I get it Eddie but," his voice cracked forcing him to stop

"But...the same issue..." She sighed. She didn't want to push him as he was having his grief, but they had been having the same argument since they got married and started their family. It was one thing to be close to Erin and Danny, it was another to put them ahead of their own children. Jamie didn't seem to grasp that, he tried to keep it even and it just wasn't. She got quiet and held on tight.

Finally tired out Jamie took smaller breaths closing his eyes to rest listening to Eddie's heartbeat.

She held him as close as she could. She was so angry with him, with Danny, with herself. It hurt so badly.

Jamie's breathing slowed tears drying on his face. "Eddie? I don't want to do this anymore let's do something, anything."

"What?" she asked. "What do you want to do? Go get fresh bread at Delmicos?"

"Yeah that sounds good," Jamie looked down at the bear, sighing quietly

"Come on," Eddie took his hand.

They went to a favorite old bakery where they had gone as newlyweds. The owner's son greeted them as they entered the now quiet bakery. "I'm so sorry about your little boy," he said gently. "On the house

"Thank you," Jamie croaked quietly ordering their favorites.

They sat in the back, they got some cookies Mary liked and held hands. Eddie was trying so hard not to resent him. Jamie ate his quietly looking down at the cup of coffee. "You okay?"

"I don't know what okay is anymore" she sighed.

Eddie changed the subject, "When do we get to see our car?"

"Oh, um it should be ready in like a week or two I think," Jamie said.

"I meant in evidence," she replied. "I want to see where it happened."

Jamie looked up at her, "Are you sure Eddie? Maybe give it a little more time."

"I have to wrap my head around it, to see it happen or map out in my brain"

"Okay I can give them a call and arrange it if you're sure."

Eddie nodded, "After we talk to Mary. We need to tell her soon."

Jamie nodded, "I know, and I know how she's going to take it."

"Me too," Eddie replied. "Let's wait though till she looks for him."

"You know that won't be long once she wakes up," Jamie said. Eddie responded with a sigh.