Chapter Thirteen

Jamie's hand slid across to rub Eddie's thigh, her hand covered it. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I don't mean to keep bringing it up like that. I just…I know how loyal you are to Danny and how merciless he can be in teasing you and it drives me crazy he exploited you like he did. Then he dragged our kids into his stupid vendetta. If he just played by the rules, but no, he's Danny Reagan and the rules don't apply to him."

Jamie pulled the car into the Denny's parking lot. "I know how that feels, I grew up with it…" He turned and hugged Eddie tight. "I love you, and I won't ever stop regretting that day. I won't."

Eddie inhaled and laid her head on his chest. "I know, you won't, and neither will I."

Danny was captured in the time warp watching the event again, his eyes rounded. He saw himself firing at the cartel, landing shots. It didn't even register that he did something wrong.

He turned to look at his father, "I was doing my job, Dad. I didn't mean for anything to happen."

"But something did," Frank replied. "Mary was permanently disabled and Joey was killed!"

"I know that, Dad! I get that I didn't want that to happen though."

"So why did you call your brother that day? Why didn't either of you remember that a mother's intuition, Eddie's intuition, was sharp? You know this as a detective, you know it."

"I do, Dad, I just...I can't answer that Dad," Danny sighed not knowing why he didn't.

"Then you can't take such a self-righteous approach," Frank replied. "You messed up, you didn't register the affect and children were hurt, our children from this family."

Danny sighed quietly, letting that register his voice quiet, "I know Dad."

"Then act like it" Frank replied. "You screwed up. Plain English."

"Dad I…" Danny stopped to take a deep breath seeing Frank watching him.

"I don't know if Eddie will ever forgive you for this," Frank replied. "Or Jamie."

"I don't either, but I hope they will. I see it every night Dad when I go to sleep."

Frank took a deep breath and held Danny's gaze, "Good because I'm pretty sure your brother, Eddie, and little Mary do too, and they are suffering much more, much more."

"Yeah, I can't imagine what they're going through," Danny sighed quietly.

"Yet it looks like you don't care at all," Frank said standing up. "Chew on that."

"I do care Dad, of course I care," Danny threw his hands up in frustration.

"Chew on it anyway," Frank replied and stood up and left the room with the tape on continuous loop.

Danny turned to look back watching the tape

Eddie and Jamie laughed as Mary ate her pancakes, syrup smeared all over her face.

"Think she's really enjoying those pancakes," Jamie chuckled

"Yummy!" Mary smiled. "Can I have more milk?"

"Sure," Jamie requested the waitress bring more milk for Mary. She did with a smile.

They headed home an hour later, Mary ready for a pain pill and a nap. Bella was sound asleep in her car seat.

Jamie helped get the girls inside and changed for bed.

Eddie sat down and turned on the video. She kept zooming it in to try to see her children's faces.

She looked carefully, rewinding the video then playing it again and again.

Her upset and anger grew, she needed to know one thing, just the one thing...was her little one scared before he died?

Eddie rewound it one last time pausing at different spots hoping that would help.

Jamie heard the computer shatter as Eddie threw it in frustration. She buried her face and began to cry, she had to know, why couldn't she know?

He settled the girls rushing to check on Eddie. "Hey, talk to me. What is it?"

The sound rivaled the noise Eddie made when she first heard Joe was dead. A guttural, pain filled sound as if she had been stabbed in the heart. She doubled over and held herself.

"Eddie honey talk to me," Jamie sat beside her pulling her closer against him and wrapping his arms around her.

She couldn't talk, she couldn't even breath. She held onto Jamie and sobbed.

"Oh Eddie," Jamie sighed holding her and rocking her back and forth.

Jamie felt his own sobs building, he hurt as much as she did, but it was a different kind of hurt

He kissed the side of her head, just holding her tight.

His tears fell on her hair as he cried, hers wet his shirt. When they had cried themselves out, they were both exhausted.

Wordlessly Jamie helped Eddie up holding her all the way up to bed

"What happened in there?" he asked

"I was watching the tape and," Eddie lay her head on his chest

"The tape of the shooting? Why were you doing that honey? We know what is in it."

"But I wasn't there, and I wanted to see," Eddie sighed. "I wanted to see the kids before."

"It was too far off for that," Jamie replied. "It was too far off."

"But I wanted to see I needed to see them," Eddie said

"Why honey?" Jamie pressed. "Why did you need to?"

"I needed to see their faces Jamie," Eddie sobbed

He sighed, he knew that wasn't possible from that angle, he didn't know how to soothe her, it seemed no matter what he did, he didn't know what to say.

Eddie closed her eyes falling asleep on Jamie's chest, sobbing quietly

Jamie called Frank when he was sure Eddie was sound asleep.

"How are Eddie and Mary doing, son?" Frank asked picking up immediately

"Mary settled down once we distracted her with pancakes from Denny's," Jamie replied.' But Eddie, she watched that tape repeatedly trying to see if she could see the kids' faces, when she couldn't she broke the laptop and had a meltdown. I wanted to see if you had access to other angles..."

"Sorry Jamie I don't and if I did it wouldn't be good for Eddie to see it at least not right now," frank said quickly

"I just thought I'd ask," Jamie replied. "You know, as long as I've known Eddie, I always knew how to make her feel better, I always knew, but now I just can't seem to help her."

"I know right now all you can do is be there for her Jamie, she needs you right now," frank said

"I'm trying," Jamie replied. "I'm trying really hard but its' not working. "

"Keep trying, it will work," Frank assured.

"I suggested to go to the bereavement group," Jamie sighed. "I remember how going helped you after Mom died and you only went a few times, but so far she won't hear of it..."

"Give her time Jamie, be there for her to listen when she needs a shoulder to cry on."

"I'm doing that Dad," Jamie sighed. I just don't know how much longer I can watch her suffer."

'That's the hardest part, feeling helpless because you can't do anything."

Eddie turned over and whimpered a bit in her sleep, "Mommy's here," she murmured. "Mommy's coming JoJo..." Jamie knew he had to hang up.

"Dad I better go thanks for listening," he sighed ending the call and settled beside Eddie

Jamie didn't wake her, if she woke he would be there by her side, but he didn't want to wake her up to more pain. Perhaps her subconscious would work things out.

Instead he held her and kissed Eddie's head laying with her. "Love you."

She sighed and moved closer to him, she needed him, and he needed her, they deeply needed each other to survive.