Thank you for reading! Let's go on with this quest...Additional translations in the end notes.

She looked at him with this confident smile. It convinced him that everything was going to be okay. He realized only too late that everything was not meant to include her.

Solas, Cassandra and Varric reached the Chantry.

They turned around and they saw her. Still next to the trebuchet. Facing Corypheus and his dragon. Solas' eyes widened with horror and his back straightened. Petrified. Frozen.

Corypheus lifted her, her thin neck trapped between his corrupted claws. He sent her against the trebuchet. She bumped into the wood, the sickening crack of a rib breaking resounded. She stood up on the machine. She faced the monster -s- an insolent smirk of defiance on her face. The cue of the commander crossed the sky.

She beamed with both relief and sadness. This was the smile of someone ready to die. She was ready to die, knowing that the others will live. Instinctively, Cassandra grabbed Solas, putting quickly a hand on his mouth to mutter his screams. He had seen the smile too. Mahariel looked towards them. She maintained her smile. They read on her lips her command. Go. Her head spun back towards Corypheus.

"So, you speak too much and you have a hell of an overinflated ego. Good to know." She winked and smirked as she finally triggered the avalanche. Corypheus and his dragon fled.

Last thing they saw before the doors closed was Mahariel jumping in a hole. Cassandra was still holding Solas as she closed the door with Varric. The elf was struggling with all his strength.

"Chuckles, we have to go!"

"NO!" his voice was broken. Varric looked at Cassandra with concern. They wouldn't be able to keep him in check. How long before he used magic on them? Varric's eyes laid on Bianca. It would do. He knocked him out with the crossbow. The Seeker contained her surprise – there was no time for it – and put the apostate on her shoulder. They ran through the path Chancellor Roderick showed them.

She groaned with pain on the wet ground of the cave. She felt the broken rib right away. One needs to be alive to have a broken bone, right? She snorted on the inside. I should start gambling. She pushed herself towards a sitting position, only trying now to open her eyes.

She barely saw white and dark stains at first. She jumped as a drop of melted ice reached the ground. The movement only added to the stark pain on her side and the dizziness of her head. She narrowed her eyes, trying to make out something. Anything.

"Well…I can say it's a cave? Good start." Declared she out loud to herself.

She sighed with exhaustion. Honestly, she didn't intend to get out of it alive. She was simply too proud to let this bastard got the satisfaction of ending her himself. And now…Now what? She was in some old underground networks? Freakin' place which, for all she knew, had as much chance to lead her to the Deep Roads than outside. She closed her eyes. Tell me they made it out alive. If I am to die here of cold, Creators send me a spirit to tell me they are alive.

As expected, nothing came. She shivered heavily. Her armor was soaked with blood and ice, as the rest of her. It was torn on several spots.

You need to get up. Even if they did make it out alive, this Elder One is out there! You know what he wants to do! Dammit, you saw it! You cannot let that happen!

"It's okay, child. You did your part."

She let out a yell, crawling backwards and looking frantically around. The movements did nothing to improve her state and she more or less fell back on her elbows. There was no one. Just this hollow voice in her ear.

"You cannot help them. You made it worse. It's alright, you can stop trying. You have to stop trying."

I have to – She shook her head, ignoring how much it made it spun. She growled.

"I'm not in the mood, demon."

"Of course, you are not. You are exhausted. You've been for years. Doing everything for anyone but yourself. And where did that get you? At the best, your People fear you. Most of them despise you. An harellan. A traitor. Someone who has been banished. All these years, and what did you accomplish? You brought death. Nothing else."

She suppressed the need to swallow and didn't acknowledge her eyes tearing up. She could not take it. Not now. Not after what just happened. She just wanted to forget this nightmare. She just wanted to sleep. To wake up anywhere but here. In her cottage in Haven. In her cot in the Qunari camp. In her silk sheets in Tevinter. In her room in Orlais. In her aravel in the Free Marches. Yes. There. Before. Before everything.

"Ma isalas hamin, da'len." You need rest, child. Breathed the demon.

She felt her eyes closing as a light warm breeze covered her. She took a deep breath as her mind began to ease. She leaned back on the ground, not feeling the wetness of the ice anymore. The voice distorted itself, becoming familiar, welcoming, humming a Dalish tune.

…

…

Vhenan…?! Vhenan, wake up!

While he was knocked out, he tried to search the Fade. His trouble was too deep for the Fade to be stable, despair and fear demons lingering in the shadows. He thought he felt her presence at some point and yelled frantically for her to wake up. If he felt her presence there…Her spirit could be travelling through the Veil! She could be dead! She likely was! The thoughts rushing broke any kind of thin focus he had and threw him out of the Fade.

He woke up as they were mid-way to the Inquisition camp. Cassandra released him instantly. He fell on his knees, looking to the remains of Haven. No…NO! She cannot…

"We have to look for her!" he nothing but sobbed. Varric put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"We will, Chuckles, but for that, we need Leliana's scouts…Or what remains of them."

The snow was endless. Looking now was a suicide mission. The cold will reclaim them before they find her – if she was still to be found. And the Inquisition would not wait for them indefinitely. A deep wrath took suddenly place on Solas' face. He stood up, menacingly, and turned back to Varric.

"YOU. I could have saved her but you knocked me out."

"No, you couldn't." replied the dwarf softly.

"I could have cushioned the fall." Hissed he.

"She is a mage. If magic could avoid the worst, no doubt she used it."

"Enough!" Cassandra's voice resounded. "I am with Varric on this one, Solas. Going after her would have been stupid and you know it! Now, pull it together and move!"

The command was not as effective as expected. He couldn't be reasoned with at this moment. With an exhausted noise, she took the sharp of her sword in her hand and knocked him out again with the pommel. An elven whisper crossed his lips. Cassandra and Varric sighed sadly and shook their head.

"Well…Shit. Think she made it Seeker?" Cassandra put Solas back on her shoulder.

"I truly hope."

Varric looked back to Haven. He tried to convince himself. She is alive. He added, hardly confident in his feigned lightness.

"Better remember his elfy words, sure we can tease him with it once she is safe."

She fell. She activated the trebuchet, ran from Corypheus and fell. And his heart broke. Why did the Seeker prevent him from moving?! She dragged him inside the chantry and then to the camp. He wanted to jump after her. He had to jump after her. He struggled with all his strengths against Cassandra's hold. How could she let her die like this?!

It kept playing in a loop in his mind. He couldn't, wouldn't allow this.

He managed to calm himself slightly once he was back in the Fade. You should not lose your strength like this. She may be alive, and if she is, she needs help. He focused his magic, wrapping himself with an old spell. He needed to call upon his long-time allies. If he could not help her now, they could. The spectral wolves gathered around him, hearing his demand. They will look for her and guide her the best they could.

At the first occasion, he slipped away from Cassandra's watch. He could hear the distressed howl of the wolves. Either they couldn't find her, or she needed more than a guide. He sought the magic of the mark. He should be able to locate it. To locate his magic. Fenedhis why am I so weak?!

His eyes widened when he spotted the frozen body. He didn't even know if it was Mahariel or if a despair demon was playing with him. So weak. His exhaustion, his wounds, he was not even sure he could tell the difference. The words of caution were in his mind but far, a whisper. He could not focus on them. Or his body couldn't listen, at least. Despite the remains of good sense telling him it was a cruel joke, he quickened his pace. He felt the magical aura as he came closer. He sensed suddenly the mark. It was her! There was no mistake possible here! His exhaustion and his wounds out of his mind, he ran towards the fragile body.

He reached her in a last desperate step. His vision was a blur. A blur of tears he was holding back. Holding back. Damn if it could be true. Who was he kidding. He was unable to choke back tears. His cheeks were wet in the cold. Almost instantly freezing against his skin. He didn't care.

He took off his coat and covered her. He couldn't care less about his own well-being. Her skin was even paler than usual. Almost grey. Her lips were frozen blue. He warmed her the best he could. His hands were shacking but he knew the cold had nothing to do with it. He looked for her pulse. A far whisper, nothing more. But she was alive. He had no time to lose.

He wrapped her in the coat and lifted her carefully, huddling her against his chest. He casted a spell to warm the elf, less successfully than he wanted. So weak. He carried her, walking faster than ever. He didn't notice the bite of the cold on his skin, on his bare feet. It didn't matter. He didn't matter at this very moment. There was only her.

Everyone ran towards him at the unexpected sight he offered. His voice broke once more when he called for healers.

He stayed at her side for days, taking no sleep. He didn't leave the tent until it was clear her life was not at stake. The injuries were numerous. Broken rib, ankle. No wonder she didn't make it to the camp on her own. She was strong-willed, but without healing potions, walking had been almost impossible.

Once the healers assured him she would live, he left the chair next to her. With this assurance, his mind partially at ease, sense struck him. He couldn't be here when she awoke. The adrenalin was gone and he felt ashamed. Of course, shame for what he let happen but he had already been through this. Shame because he lost his composure. In front of her – not that there was the slightest chance she remembered – in front of everyone. The elven words he said in his despair…He gritted his teeth. No one understood it, but that was not the dangerous part. The dangerous part was the truth in them. And he knew against all good sense, against all odds, it was true. He knew. He knew he had to keep his distances. This was inappropriate, ill-considered…And a threat.

Unintentionally, he pictured her face, her smile and her giggle popped in his ears. He couldn't help but grinned genuinely. She was- NO. He shook energetically his head to chase the thought. You CANNOT let THAT happen.

He avoided her as long as he could. Eventually, the others came to relate her the events once she awaked. She couldn't leave her bed yet. She asked for him several times. And he just bailed on each time someone came to tell him to go see her. Eventually, Varric decided to act. He came to find him on his spot – far from the rest of the camp.

Solas was standing, his chin high, arms in his back, staring at the horizon next to his veilfire.

"Hey Chuckles"

"Evening, master Tethras" He replied without moving, still turning his back to the dwarf. "To what do I owe the unexpected visit?" Varric sighed. As formal as always. He wasn't going to make it easy.

"She asked for you. Again. Could you play nice and pay her a visit?"

"Does she have any wounds which require my particular expertise?" On this line Varric burst.

"Seriously, Chuckles?! Does she have – What the hell?! C'mon, I know what a heartbreak sounds like, and I know what I heard in your voice that day! If it wasn't for the seeker's grasp you would have followed her in her fall without a blink! Damn you would have followed her in death without a blink! You risked your life to find her, to take her back here, and now you don't even want to see her?!"

A sad smile took place on Solas' face. He sighed in a low voice, more to himself than to the dwarf.

"Precisely." Varric shook his head, enable to see the elf's expression. He knew he should have asked the Iron Bull to drag him to her tent.

"We didn't tell her everything by the way, if it is your concern. But you cannot avoid her forever. Call off the childish shame, pull it together and go see her."

He took off, knowing he wouldn't get anything more from the mage.

If only it was what it was. Childish shame. But it wasn't. The second he will lay his eyes on her, his willpower will crumble. Everything will be lost. However, Varric did have a point. He couldn't avoid her forever. And he couldn't leave yet. Oh, he gave it a lot of thoughts. It would have been so easier if he could…But this was his mistake to fix. And he needed her to do so.

The next night, he was still up despite the late hour. He sat by the fire, looking thoughtfully at the horizon. He was still looking for a way to solve the issue Varric pointed out. Some light steps made him leave his contemplation. The slow pace in the snow, slightly stumbling…He turned quickly around, his heartbeat quicker and louder than he wanted it to. Despite the hood and the large cloak, he had no doubt on the identity. He contained his urge to jump on his feet to move towards her.

Until he noticed her limping. Then, he was next to her in no time. He put gently her arm around his shoulders.

"Let me help you, lethallan."

His free hand reached a blanket nearby and spread it on the ground. He made her sit carefully. Her eyes were thankful as she peeked at him. He suppressed a laugh when she mumbled.

"Ma serannas, but I can take care of myself."

Some could have felt hurt but he knew better. As proud as always. As proud as him. He sat too, trying to put as distance between them as possible without it being obvious. She frowned slightly, being too observant not to notice. Still, she did not comment. He pointed out nonchalantly and slightly patronizing.

"I'm impressed you successfully sneaked out from their watch." She ignored the disapproval tone.

"Wasn't that hard." She replied with a light self-satisfied smirk. He shook his head without looking at her.

"I will take you back there as soon as you find your breath back."

His voice was cold as ice. A sparkle of hurt and sadness appeared in the eyes he was avoiding. Fenedhis, what the hell happened after Haven?! Everyone stayed very blurry when telling her how she ended up here. Always skipping the subject one way or another. She remembered Corypheus, the avalanche…A cave? Everything was blurry. And more than not coming by himself, he even refused to come when she asked for him. She needed to understand what happened, what she had done – and didn't recall – which was that bad! Dammit, he wouldn't even look at her! She swallowed her pride.

"Ir abelas, lethallin." She whispered, her eyes looking down. Solas couldn't take it anymore. His face spun towards her, surprised.

"What for, lethallan?" She growled, irritated against herself.

"I don't know – remember. What I do know is that I obviously did something which offended you…So, I'm sorry."

His eyes were finally meeting hers. For once, her face was not covered with war-paint, letting seeable the light grey ghilan'nain vallaslin. He knew her well enough to know that it was not easy thing to say for her. Actually, he did not recall her apologizing even once in the last three months. Or lightly but never seriously. If serious, implicitly, but never did she say the words. I put her in such discomfort…He chastised himself. This was her very last resort. Apologies. For something she didn't even do. His head tilted a bit and a sad smile appeared on his lips. He shook slowly his head.

"You didn't do anything wrong, lethallan." She glanced at her friend with a raised eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Really? So why are you avoiding me?"

"You need to rest. My presence wouldn't do any good." He answered, looking away with a stern face. She felt even more confused. His switches of attitude weren't making any sense! He soon added.

"I knew you were alright. There was no need to disturb your recovery." She raised another skeptical eyebrow.

"And when I asked for you?"

He remained silent. He didn't have any answer to that. Clearly, the excuses he gave to the others, she heard them already and she didn't buy them. She sighed, hiding – poorly – her disappointment. She wasn't feeling like fighting with him. She did not want to fight with him. When he looked at her, she hoped it was it, that everything was back to normal between them…She was obviously wrong. Well normal between them wasn't something clearly established but sure as hell it was not that.

"Well then" she said a bit bitterly while getting back on her feet "Ma nuvenin, lethallin. And anyway, thank you for saving me. Again. I'll pay you back for this."

"Tel'Isala" Whispered he, without thinking she would actually hear.

"Really?! It does not sound like it!"

She replied louder, sharper and more aggressively than she intended. She spun back to him with the sentence, forgetting her wounds. She staggered, putting all her efforts in not falling. It didn't work that good. Back on his feet, he didn't manage to prevent the fall but caught her before she hit the frozen ground.

"Crap" grunted she while struggling against his embrace. He was on one knee – knight style. "Ar tel'isala mar halani!"

Fenedhis so much for the dramatic dignified exit. His arms were stronger than she thought – or she was weaker than usual? Likely both. She couldn't free herself from his hold. Eventually, she stopped fighting a lost battle, defeated – definitely a bad night for her pride. She looked up to his storm blue eyes.

He stared at her a bit longer. Her bright eyes, the little scar under her left one, her anger-reddened cheeks, her full lips…He pulled himself together – kind of.

"Are you done?" Asked he.

She reluctantly nodded, mad at herself for her current weakness. At her surprise, he didn't let go of her. He stood up, carrying her…But not to the camp. To the blanket. He sat on it, his arms remaining around her. He caught another cover and wrapped it around them.

She remained silent, too astonished to find her voice. When he caught her, she had felt his heartbeat quick, afraid at first. Afraid because she stumbled? Creators, if a little stumble concerned him that much what of…Oh crap. Is that what it was? She didn't consider it but why was it Solas who found her…From what she heard, by himself. She suddenly felt a wave of guilt. What did she put him through exactly back in Haven? He was afraid, afraid for her and…She yelled at him, dammit! Why was she so pissed anyway? She shouldn't have been…She wouldn't have been if it had been someone else – The slight change on his heartbeat interrupted her thoughts – a welcome distraction, she didn't like where they were going once more…She focused on the pace. Not afraid anymore but still weirdly quick and loud. And finally, warm and at ease once they were sitting on the blanket.

When he kept her in his embrace, he found himself unable to regret what was a clear mistake. He didn't have the strength to stop it anyway. He wanted – needed – to feel her, to hold her, to protect her. The words of the healers weren't enough, he could see it now. The fear of losing her didn't have left him until this very moment. He found peace and relief with her in his arms.

She focused on his warmth, trying to keep her mind away from any unwelcome train of thought. She had been so afraid for all of them. For him. She needed to know he was alive as much as he did. Not that she would ever acknowledge it was why she had been through so much troubles to find him tonight. Everything was hurting, but she had not seen him since…Her breathe eased and she cuddled unconsciously more against his chest.

He saw her eyelids becoming heavier until she eventually closed her eyes. He kissed affectionately the top of her head as she fell asleep so easily in his arms. It seemed so right.

He sighed after a time. Reluctantly, he decided that it was time to break the moment. He carried her back to her cot. He tried to stay in the shadows. This time, he thought, it could actually be childish shame. He smiled slightly, looking down to sleepy Mahariel, nestled against his chest. He just couldn't face Varric's smirk if he encountered him.

Matter of fact, she was close to sleep, but some bits of consciousness remained. She couldn't let him know that, though. If she was awake, conscious, it meant she agreed to this bridal style walk. She wasn't ready to admit to herself that she was enjoying it…That she wanted these moments. With him. She wasn't going to confess to herself, him or anyone how she felt right this moment; how she enjoyed her weakness instead of cursing it, how she wanted to tell him not to let her go when he put her to bed. She felt his touch when he stroked a strand behind her ear. Her skin tingled where his fingers touched her. He lightly pressed his lips against her forehead.

"Hamin, vhenan" Whispered he before leaving her side.

Her heart jumped at his last word. His warmth had already left her and the rustle of the tent confirmed her loneliness. Ma serannas Dirthamen, she thought, thanking the god of secrets for preventing her skin from blushing when he was still here.

It took her an endless time to find her sleep that night. The more she struggled to drive her thoughts away from the apostate, the more she failed. Despite her exhaustion, she couldn't let herself fall asleep thinking about him. They were both mages, these thoughts could lead her to him in the Fade. And encountering him in the Fade would be…Awkward at the very least. More than that, it would be a confession she wasn't ready to give. A confession the smile which kept coming back to her lips was giving to the darkness alone.

Tel'isala – no need

Ar tel'isala mar halani – I don't need your help

Hamin vhenan – Rest, my heart

My apologies if I got OOC for Solas here, it was for the good of drama and fluff, I hope it made it worth it.