Chapter Twenty-Five

Eddie decided she wanted to try to bring Jamie out of his shell. She knew the way in, it had worked before.

When he arrived home from work Eddie was on the couch wearing one of Jamie's favorite outfits

It was a pair of flair cut black jeans, a sweetheart neck red blouse and her hair up. The house smelled of beef stew and onion rolls. She had done her make up, it was enticing for him, but subtle, very subtle.

Jamie came home and hung his jacket up going into the living room. He was ready to greet Eddie when his eyes fell on her…all he could think was, wow!

She was beautiful and smiling, just like when they first got married. Those days were still fresh in his memory.

He smiled going to the couch and sat beside her. "Hey Eddie, how do you feel?"

"A little tired," Eddie replied. "I'll have supper ready for you in a few minutes."

"Don't worry about that Eddie," Jamie assured.

"Oh no, it's cooking. You had a long day. Did you hear back from the realtor?"

"Yeah actually, he said its looking really good so hopefully we will have an answer in a few days maybe a week."

"Good," Eddie smiled. "I'm glad we are getting a home there. What about the job? You mentioned needing to go to Lancaster at some point soon for that."

"Yeah maybe over the weekend so I have time to talk with them," Jamie nodded.

Eddie smiled at him, "It'll feel better when things are settled." Eddie stood up and walked past Jamie very close

Jamie breathed in watching her go into the kitchen. He sighed following, "need some help?"

She carefully bent down and let him catch a glimpse of her backside.

Jamie shook his head and smiled at the view.

Eddie kept that up for days. Special outfits, big dinners, and things she did when they were dating to try to get Jamie to relax, but as it turned out, the thing that got his attention was entirely accidental.

Eddie had a slight headache, so she decided to take a quick, hot shower while the girls napped. Jamie came home unexpectedly early and caught her stepping out.

She had her hair down and still dripping some water down her back and chest, little rivulets running into the towel. "Oh, you're early."

"Um yeah I wanted to come home and spend some time," Jamie barely got that out.

"Oh, well, Mary and Bella are both asleep and I had a bit of a headache so..." Eddie shrugged and sat down on the vanity seat.

"Yeah are you feeling okay?" Jamie continued watching her walking over

He wanted to go and hold her, touch her. She had been wearing down his resolve over the last few days. He loved her, as hurt as he was, as angry as he was, as distant as they both were, they loved each other. He wanted to touch her so much, a little touch would be okay, wouldn't it?

"Just your head hurts," Jamie asked slipping an arm around her

She nodded, "There's been no shortage of stress lately. I thought I could get a little rest and shower the tension out. I thought we'd order a pizza and give Mary a treat.

"Yeah that sounds good," Jamie whispered beginning to rub her shoulders

Eddie melted back into his touch. She missed him so much and needed him so much. "That feels nice, I miss your touch Jamie. I really do, I miss us."

Jamie didn't answer, only leaned in to kiss her neck.

Eddie turned in his arms, and met his lips, their tongues instantly touching. They inhaled each other's scent, felt each other's touch, drinking it in like two people thirsty and abandoned in the desert.

Jamie moved his arms around her wanting this for things to be like they were, but he closed his eyes

At first, he was able to focus on the feel of her back, the scent of her breath, the tickle of her hair across his cheek, but then he saw it...his Eddie in Steven's arms, his Eddie beneath Steven being ignited to passion...his Eddie being touched by another man...and he couldn't

Jamie pulled away with tears running down his cheeks, "I can't, I'm sorry, I just can't..."

Eddie almost fell forward at the force of the loss. "Jamie…" She had felt, for a few seconds at least, that things were starting to come back to normal. Jamie was holding her, kissing her and now he pulled himself away and was nearly running from her.

"I am sorry, Eddie," Jamie nearly sobbed. "But I can't be with you. I just can't."

Jamie left her then, standing in their room, in her towel, still reaching out for his arms, in shock as to how quickly this happened.

Eddie watched him go sadly, sighing. She took a deep breath then turned around to get to dressed and put dinner on the table for her family.

He stayed in the bedroom until he heard the doorbell. He couldn't stay in there all night, as much as he'd like to. Mary was still vulnerable, he couldn't forget his little girl crying and promising to be good if they didn't get a divorce. He remembered the talk with Eddie just after…

"Jamie," Eddie said tentatively. "She's just too young to understand all of this, but we just lied to her. We lied to Mary, you aren't sure if this marriage is going to last, you said so yourself."

Jamie took a breath, but Eddie continued, "This is my fault, I got us in this situation, so if after the move and the six months goes by and we decide to end the marriage, I'll be the one to tell her. It's my responsibility."

Jamie shook his head, "Let's worry about that when and IF the time comes," he replied. "I'm willing to give this a go, I need to see it work just as much as you do, so let's not rush ourselves or our kids into anything."

Eddie was relieved to hear that.

"Hey, look at that, we have pizza pie!" Jamie found his enthusiasm for his little daughters.

"Yes, Mommy got us a cheesy one…it's all kinds!" Mary was so easy to please. "Daddy, when we move by the chocolate place, can we go on the special ride?"

Mary was referring to the Chocolate World ride that they had gone on during a family trip to Hershey Park when Joey turned two. She had enjoyed it and had gone on several times.

"You bet we can," Jamie replied. "That can be your new reward for being good in therapy and working really hard. How did you do today?"

Mary looked down, "Didn't do good today. My leg just didn't' want to do what I told it and I fell down, then I cried. I'm trying really hard not to cry Daddy."

Both parents sucked in their breath. Eddie move over to hold onto Mary's hands, "Mary, look at Mommy's face. You can cry, you can fall, you can be scared, you can have any feeling that you need to have and it's okay with us. We love you very much, honey, it is okay to cry and feel angry or sad. Mommy and Daddy feel that way too. It hurts Mommy and Daddy to see that you have to work so hard, but we are so proud that even when you fall down and cry, you get back up and keep trying."

Eddie had to stop, she couldn't keep the tears from running out of her eyes. It wasn't just her maternal emotion she was feeling, and Jamie knew that. It was the pain of his rejection as well.

He continued to talk to Mary, "Mommy's right. We want you to talk to us, to tell us how you feel. Don't ever try not to do that, okay? We need to know because we love you so very much."

It was as if Jamie's words burst the dam. Mary cried and cried. She cried for her little brother, she still didn't quite grasp the concept of his violent death. She cried for herself, the pain in her leg and she cried for her Mommy and Daddy, sobbing that she wanted them to be happy like it was.

The pizza got cold, Bella even stayed quiet as both parents held and rocked a child that had gone through far more than anyone her age should ever go through.

They tucked Mary into bed together, she was clingy and wanted both her parents to hold her. Eddie sang to her while Jamie rocked their daughter until she fell asleep.

"Hurts Daddy," she whimpered as he held her close. "Leg hurts."

"Let Daddy see so I can make it better," Jamie said softly holding her while rolling up her pant leg

She had a big cramp in the calf muscle and she cried out..."Owie, Daddy!"

"I'm sorry honey, Daddy is going to make it better," Jamie promised, trying to loosen the muscle

Eddie held Mary tight while Jamie rubbed. This was on him too; his daughter's physical and mental pain was on him as well as his son's death. Eddie sang Mary's favorite song to distract her while Jamie worked.