Detective Kate Stryker pulled up to the Gage home as the ambulance pulled away carrying Ainsley and Johnny. Roy was standing in the driveway.
"Hi, Roy, can you update me on what happened?"
"Sure, come on in," Roy turned, leading the way into the house. "From what Johnny was able to tell me as they loaded Ainsley in the ambulance, she had gone into the house, he and Hunter were playing in the backyard with Chief. Johnny heard what sounded like a large firework going off nearby and the sound of shattering glass. He heard Ainsley scream and ran inside; this is what he found," Roy said, stopping at the doorway between the kitchen and living room.
Kate took in the scene. "Who's been in the living room since the event?"
"Ainsley must have been in the living room when the device was thrown to receive the cuts she did, Johnny went in to pick her up and carry her out, because she was barefoot. No one else has been in the room, and no one touched that thing," Roy pointed to what looked like a rock wrapped in fireworks.
Kate slipped on gloves and moved into the living room. She bent down and picked up the device. It was indeed a very large rock with multiple fireworks banded to the exterior. Kate guessed the person had lit the fuses and waited until just before they were going to explode and threw the rock so the fireworks exploded near the glass, the explosion who have shattered the glass and sent it flying like tiny knives. Kate stood up and moved to the back wall, multiple pieces of glass were embedded in the wall.
"How's Ainsley?" Kate asked, looking at the damage and wondering how bad she'd been cut.
"Not great, there's only one really big gash, and a lot of little cuts, but she went into shock from the trauma of the event. Shock is dangerous to a normal, healthy person, it puts a pregnant woman and the unborn child at an even bigger risk."
"Is she gonna be okay?" Kate asked.
"I hope so," Roy said, his voice carrying the seriousness of the situation.
"Given that Kevin Costas just saw Mike with Ainsley yesterday, it places a greater level of suspicion on him for doing something like this. I'll have his parole officer call him today and get him into the station for questioning. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll confess," Kate said, slipping an evidence bag out of her case and moving over to put the rock into the bag.
"I'm gonna call the guys to come clean this up for Johnny, board up the window and I'm gonna head to the hospital to check on Ainsley. "Roy said, motioning to the mess.
"I'm gonna have detectives in checking for evidence and examining the scene for a while. We have a company I can have come in to clean up the glass and board the window. They're good and will make sure even the tiniest piece of glass gets cleaned up so Hunter doesn't get cut," Kate explained.
"That would be great, Kate. I can have Joanne come down and lock up when they're done," Roy was relieved this mess would be taken care of by professionals.
"I'm going to canvas the area and talk to some neighbors. If you want, I can wait for the company and makes sure they notify Joanne when they are done. That way you can wait with Johnny at the hospital."
"Kate, that'd be great, thanks. I have Chief locked in the backyard. Come and let me introduce you. Keep him outside until the work is done; and Joanne can put him back in the house when she comes to lock up."
Roy took Kate into the backyard and Chief eagerly approached her, kissed the hand she held out and leaned against her. He seemed to instantly know she was someone who could be trusted. "I think we'll be fine," she said, scratching Chief's ears. Roy could have sworn the dog sighed.
"Tell Johnny I hope everything is okay and I'll catch up with him later to get his statement."
Roy nodded and headed out. He'd stop home and fill Joanne in on what had happened and that he was going to the hospital to sit with Johnny. Then he'd call the Captain, so he could reach out to all the guys. He could then head toward the hospital.
E
Mike watched as Meg pulled her car back up to Mrs. Harper's house. He checked his watch, she'd been gone a long time. He had started to get worried about her. He moved toward the car to help her unload the additional bags of mulch. They had bought all the bags at Harry's Hardware store, but had needed two more bags. Meg had left over an hour ago for a trip that really should have only taken 20 minutes. "Hey, everything okay?" Mike said approaching the car, as Meg got out and moved to open the trunk.
"I had to go to 3 different stores," Meg said, unlocking the trunk. "None of them had any mulch. Apparently this is the week for everyone in LA to do yard work."
Mike smiled. "Well, you managed to miss the hard work of yanking out that dead bush," Mike teased her, pointing to a large dead bush it took him and two other guys to pull out of the ground.
"Darn," Meg said, snapping her fingers.
Mike laughed. "I knew you'd be devastated."
Mike noticed one of the other guys watching Meg. He was tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. The guy moved across the yard toward Meg and Mike found himself moving himself in between the two of them.
"Hi, Meg," the guy said.
"Hi, Joe, I didn't know you were going to be here today."
"I managed to get the day off work and wanted to help out."
Meg smiled at him. "That's really nice of you; especially with how busy I know you are." Meg turned to look at Mike. "Mike Stoker, this is Joe Wade. He runs a large plumbing supply company."
Mike nodded. "Nice to meet you. Meg, we should get this mulch down, I know you said you still had a few things to do to get ready for the first day of class tomorrow."
Meg looked at her watch. "Oh wow, I can't believe it's so late. It was good to see you Joe."
Joe looked over at Mike and then back to Meg. "It was good to see you too, Meg. Maybe I'll see you around soon."
Meg smiled, as she moved to follow Mike, who was already walking away. "Sure."
E
Dixie was waiting in the hallway as the gurney rounded the corner from the ambulance bay. "We're ready for you in Treatment Room 1," Dixie said to Dwyer, as he rounded the corner. She moved to open the door to the treatment room. As everyone entered Dixie reached out and touched Johnny's arm. He looked really worried.
Dr. Brackett entered the room only a few seconds later. "What's the most recent vitals."
Dwyer relayed the information, as they moved Ainsley from the ambulance gurney to the hospital gurney. Dr. Brackett frowned, he had really hoped with the oxygen and IV the vitals would have improved, instead they were slightly worse.
"Ainsley, do you hurt anywhere other than your arm?" Dr. Brackett asked, an expert eye quickly looking her over.
Ainsley shook her head, then she paused, "I don't know, maybe."
"What do you mean maybe?" Dr. Brackett asked, moving up near the head of the bed so he could take her pulse himself. He took her wrist and noted that her skin was cold and clammy.
"I don't know," Ainsley looked confused.
Dr. Brackett looked over at Johnny. "Ainsley, does your head hurt?"
Ainsley looked at him, her eyes narrowing like she wasn't sure how to answer the question.
"Dix, why don't you help get Ainsley in a gown. Dr. Collier should be here any minute and I think we should do a full exam to be on the safe side. Johnny, why don't we step out while Ainsley changes and we can have a little chat."
Johnny leaned over and kissed Ainsley's cheek. "I'll be right back, Beautiful."
Johnny and Dr. Brackett stepped outside the room and spotted Dr. Early just down the hall. "Joe, can you come here for a minute."
"What's going on?" Dr. Early asked.
"They just brought in Ainsley Gage. There was an explosive device thrown through the window," Dr. Brackett explained.
"Are you serious?" Dr. Early looked over at Johnny, who just nodded.
"She received a pretty bad laceration; but she's in shock. I'm concerned about how bad it seems to be. She seems a disoriented. I'm concerned maybe the device hit her on the head. There isn't any obvious bleeding, but she's really not herself."
Meanwhile, in the room, Dixie was helping Ainsley get undressed and into a hospital gown. She had carefully helped her remove her shirt and had slipped on the hospital gown before removing her pants. Dixie cocked her head to look at Ainsley's side, it looked dark, but with the gown and her pants still on, Dixie thought it might just be a shadow.
"Let me help slip off your pants and then I'll help get the gown straightened and the covers up before we call all the men back in," Dixie said.
Ainsley didn't reply, her hand was rubbing her belly and she was frowning.
"Is your belly hurting?" Dixie asked.
"I don't know. I don't feel very good," Ainsley looked up, her eyes meeting Dixie's.
"Can you explain to me what hurts?" Dixie asked, her voice gentle.
"I feel a little dizzy," Ainsley said, and then she blushed. She lowered her voice. "And I think I wet myself," she whispered.
Dixie gave her a reassuring smile. "It happens sometimes at this stage of pregnancy. If that's the case, we can get you cleaned up before the guys come back in." Dixie moved to remove Ainsley's pants, but frowned as she pulled back the covers, there was some blood on the sheet.
Dixie removed Ainsley's pants as quickly as possible and saw a lot more blood. She quickly moved to her side to help pull down the gown and froze. "Ainsley, can you roll on your side toward the wall a little bit for me?" Dixie asked, pulling the gown up higher to better see Ainsley's stomach. A huge bruise was spreading across Ainsley's belly, the pooling blood turning the lower right side of her stomach almost purple. Dixie put her hand on Ainsley's arm. "Just stay like that for me one second okay, Ainsley." Dixie said and then quickly moved to the door. She stepped out in the hallway and looked down to see Dr. Brackett, Dr. Early and Johnny standing down by the nursing station talking. Dr. Collier was just walking up to join them.
"Kel!"
The men were instantly in motion at the sound of Dixie's voice, the worry radiating down the hallway. Dr. Brackett entered the room with Dr. Collier right behind him. Johnny entered next followed by Dr. Early. Every stopped and for a few seconds just looked at the huge bruise on Ainsley's stomach and the growing puddle of blood on the sheets, no one moving or saying anything.
Dr. Collier was the first to react, "I'm gonna need an OR, STAT. Scrub in with me?" Dr. Collier looked at Dr. Brackett, who nodded.
"Dixie, I'm gonna need an incubator and a pediatric neonatal physician in the room," Dr. Collier said, as he and Dr. Brackett both unlocked wheels to start moving the bed.
"What's happening?" Ainsley asked, her eyes showing fear at all the sudden movement.
Everyone stopped to give Johnny just a moment with his wife. "Beautiful, it looks like you got hit in the belly with the rock that came through the window. You're bleeding and that's not good for the baby. They have to get the baby out right now, okay. I love you, Ainsley; it's gonna be okay," Johnny tried to sound more confident than he was.
"I'm scared," Ainsley whispered, tears glistening in her eyes.
Johnny leaned down and kissed her lightly.
"Johnny," Dr. Brackett's voice made it clear they had to get moving.
Johnny stepped to the side and took Ainsley's hand. He'd walk alongside the gurney as long as he could. Dr. Brackett and Dr. Collier quickly got the down the hallway and keyed the elevator to take them to the surgical floor. Dixie was hanging up the phone and quickly joined them.
"OR 3, Dr. Navarro will join you in 5 minutes," Dixie advised them, taking a spot next to Johnny. She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Joanne said Roy is already on his way here. I left word at the nurse's station to direct him to the surgical waiting room."
Johnny nodded.
Johnny had only been pacing in the waiting room a few minutes when he was joined by Roy, Chet and Marco. A look of confusion must've crossed Johnny's face because Marco spoke as the threesome walked up, "Captain Stanley called us and told us what happened. We ran into Roy in the parking lot."
"Johnny, why are we up here, the nurse didn't say anything, just directed us up here."
Johnny sat down, suddenly feeling the weight of the events hitting him. "The rock must've hit Ainsley in the belly. She started bleeding and the whole side of her stomach was almost purple from severe bruising."
Roy swallowed understanding all the things Johnny wasn't saying. Those symptoms indicated placenta abruption and put the baby and Ainsley in grave danger. Roy sat down next to his best friend and said nothing, there wasn't anything he could say that would make this any better.
Marco and Chet knew enough to know the condition was serious and they didn't need to know anymore. They sat down too. Captain Stanley joined them a few minutes later. Roy stood up and walked over as he entered the waiting room. Roy explained the situation.
"I couldn't reach Mike," Captain Stanley said, looking over at where Marco and Chet sat next to Johnny.
"That may be for the best," Roy said.
"Look, I know you guys are mad he told Ainsley and Joanne about the pipe bomb," Captain Stanley started, but Roy cut him off.
"Mike put the word out he was looking for this Costas guy. The guy tracked Mike down at the grocery store yesterday, and saw Ainsley with him." Roy let Captain Stanley draw his own conclusions.
"You think that is why this happened?"
"How else would this guy know about Ainsley. Also, he thought Ainsley was Mike's wife, carrying Mike's baby."
"This isn't Mike's fault," Captain Stanley defended his Engineer.
"I know that, you know that, and deep down, Johnny knows that. But right now his wife and unborn child are in a desperate situation, maybe it's best he's not here."
Captain Stanley just nodded and he and Roy went to go sit with Johnny. None of the men spoke, their comfort just being the fact that they were there.
"I'm gonna go get us some coffee," Chet said, "Who wants some?"
All the guys replied that they would like some except Johnny who continued to just stare at the ground.
Chet walked away from the group and toward the cafeteria. He stopped at the first pay phone he came to though and dialed Mike's number.
Mike was just walking in the door from helping Meg when the phone started ringing. He debated ignoring it, he wanted to get a shower before he had to pick up Caroline; but then he thought it might be her calling to say Hi, she did that every now and then on his days off.
"Stoker," Mike said, picking up the phone.
"Where have you been?" Chet's words were clipped and he was obviously agitated.
"I was helping Meg with a project," Mike said, confused by Chet's tone.
"Someone bombed Gage's home. Ainsley got hurt real bad, they just took her into surgery to deliver the baby."
Mike swore under his breath. "I'm on my way."
Chet finished getting coffee and headed back up to the guys. He handed out the cups, but when Johnny didn't reach for his Chet just sat it on the table in front of him. A breathless Mike showed up a few minutes later.
"What are you doing here?" Johnny said, getting to his feet.
"I thought you said you couldn't reach him," Roy said to Captain Stanley, getting to his feet and trying to get in between Mike and Johnny.
"I couldn't," Captain Stanley said, standing up and moving toward Johnny.
"I called him, what's the problem?" Chet said, also getting to his feet.
"The problem is, this is his fault," Johnny said, his eyes bright with anger.
"How's this Mike's fault?" Marco asked.
"He searched out Costas and then let him think Ainsley was his wife carrying his baby. The attack on Ainsley is his fault," Johnny said, reaching out and poking Mike in the chest with his finger.
Mike didn't move, didn't try to defend himself.
"I don't want you here," Johnny shoved at Mike again, this time Roy moved in between them.
"Johnny."
All the men turned at Dixie's voice. Roy felt his heart sink when he realized she wasn't holding a baby. Roy had been with Johnny when Hunter had been born. Dixie had walked out holding the baby. Now her arms were empty and her expression was serious.
Johnny moved toward Dixie. He felt like he was moving through water, his body heavy as he tried to reach Dixie. His mind had registered the same thing; she wasn't holding a baby.
"Ainsley just gave birth to a little girl, 7 lbs, 9 ounces, 20 ½ inches long," Dixie said, reaching out and putting a hand on Johnny's arm.
Johnny swallowed hard, "But?"
"The 1 minute apgar score was only 2. It improved at the 5-minute mark to 4; but the baby is in an incubator and being moved to the neonatal intensive care unit. The placenta probably ruptured with the hit, the baby's respiration was low, her color wasn't good and her pulse was really low. But, she's getting better Johnny and the doctor's think she's got a great chance."
"How's Ainsley?"
Dixie was quiet for longer than Johnny liked.
"Dix, please, I need to know. Am I gonna be raising these kids by myself?"
"They're trying everything they can Johnny. You know first-hand Kel hates to lose and Ainsley's a fighter."
Johnny just nodded. "Can I see my daughter?"
"Not yet, but as soon as you can I'll let you know."
Johnny nodded.
They guys had stayed back by the chairs wanting to give Johnny his space to talk to Dixie. Johnny walked back over to them. "I have a daughter. She needs some special care right now, but they think she'll be okay," Johnny told them.
The guys slapped him on the shoulder and offered congratulations, but it was subdued, the question of Ainsley hanging in the air. "They're trying to save Ainsley. It's too early to know for sure," Johnny felt his throat tightening and tears sting his eyes. He looked down and away from the guys. "I need to go call Ainsley's parents," he said quietly and walked away to give himself a few minutes and to call Ainsley's mom and dad.
"I'm gonna go wait down the hall," Mike said. "Chet, Marco, one of you come tell me as soon as you hear anything about Ainsley okay?"
Captain Stanley wanted to tell him to stay, but knew it was probably best that he give Johnny some space right now. He was proud of him though that he was staying in the hospital and not just bailing on his shift mate.
Mike headed toward another waiting room down the hall and took a seat. He saw Johnny look at him as he walked back to where the other guys were sitting, but he never slowed. Mike got up and went to make a phone call of his own. He needed to cancel his date with Caroline. He'd be here until they knew Ainsley was okay.
E
"Her blood pressure is dropping again," the nurse said.
"There, another bleeder," Dr. Brackett pointed out.
Dr. Collier pointed to another area of the uterus, "There's another. This isn't working."
Dr. Brackett looked up and met Dixie's gaze. She simply nodded. She moved across the room and picked up a new surgical tray, bringing it over to the table. Another surgical nurse removed the tray they had been using, taking away the bloodied instruments.
"I'm gonna go take Johnny to see his daughter," Dixie said quietly, before slipping out of the operating room.
"Hang two more units of blood," Dr. Collier ordered.
Dixie slipped out the door and leaned against the wall briefly. She removed her hat and mask, dropping them into the appropriate receptacle. She moved back to the waiting room to find Johnny.
"Johnny, do you want to go see your daughter?"
Johnny got up and followed Dixie to the nursery. "I can't let you hold her yet, but you can see her." Dixie led him into the NICU. She walked to the third incubator and Johnny looked down at his baby girl.
"She looks like Ainsley," Johnny whispered, taking in the wispy blonde hair and fair skin. The tube running into the babies nose and taped to her cheek, the IV in her leg and the beeping of the machines monitoring the baby's vitals were all reminders that his baby girl was still in danger.
"Did you and Ainsley have a name?" Dixie asked.
"Grace Elizabeth," Johnny said, looking down at his daughter.
"Grace Elizabeth Gage," Dixie said. "I'll have them add the name to her incubator."
"Are they worried about brain damage?"
"Dr. Navarro didn't think so," Dixie said. "They'll run more tests to be sure, but they don't think there will be any long-term issues."
"Ainsley died didn't she?"
"No, why would you ask that?" Dixie said, shocked.
"I shouldn't be in here, but you brought me anyway. Isn't it to tell me that Ainsley's gone, but I have to survive it for our daughter."
Dixie shook her head. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I didn't think you'd take it to that extreme. Ainsley was still alive when I left. She's lost a lot of blood and wasn't out of the woods yet, but she was alive."
Johnny searched Dixie's face. "Really?"
"I promise, Johnny. She was still hanging on when I left."
Johnny reached out and hugged Dixie.
They made their way back toward the waiting room. On his way back to the group he saw Mike sitting on his own. Johnny paused. "I've got to talk to Mike. Will you check on Ainsley?" Dixie nodded and headed back toward the operating rooms.
"It's easier to be mad at you than admit I'm terrified of losing my wife," Johnny said, sitting down next to Mike.
"No, man, you're right, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have gone looking for Costas, I should have cleared up that Ainsley wasn't my wife. I coulda sworn he didn't follow us, but I obviously screwed that up."
"This isn't your fault, Mike. It's whomever is doing this. Ainsley would have confronted this guy herself if she thought it would help you."
"I'm really sorry, Johnny."
"I know," Johnny said. "C'mon, let's go sit with the others. Waiting is better in a group."
Mike and Johnny walked down to join the guys. No one commented on Mike being back with the group, they just accepted him back.
E
"Hi."
Everyone turned at the soft, female voice.
"Caroline," Mike said, shocked to see her. "I thought I told you not to come down?"
"I figured you needed a Go Fer," Caroline said, moving to slide her hand into his.
"A gopher?" Chet asked, an eyebrow going up.
Caroline laughed. "No, not a gopher, a Go Fer, you know "go fer coffee", "go fer dinner". You all will still need things to eat or drink, but I knew none of you would want to leave until you heard about Johnny's wife and baby. I thought I could be a help."
"That was really sweet," Mike leaned over and gave her a quick kiss.
Caroline let herself lean into Mike.
"Hi."
The guys turned toward the new female voice. "Hey, Kate," Johnny said. "Have you found out anything?"
Kate shook her head, "Not yet, but Kevin Costas parole officer is bringing him into the station in an hour. I'm hoping to know something then, but I was hoping to find Mike here, I wanted to ask you just a few questions before I met with Kevin."
"Sure."
"Where were you at 10:30 AM?"
"You don't think Mike did this?" Captain Stanley said, his voice irritated.
Kate shook her head. "No, but we all think that Mike is the center for all these attacks. I want to build a picture of where Mike is and what he is doing during these attacks."
"I was with Meg working on Mrs. Harper's house."
"What?" Caroline said, moving away from Mike.
"Who's Mrs. Harper?"
Mike looked from Caroline to Kate. "She's an elderly lady who lives down the street from Meg. She can't live on her own anymore and needs to sell the house. Several neighbors got together to help work on the house and get it ready to go up for sale."
"So you're spending time with your ex-girlfriend? You said you had to cancel our breakfast to meet with Johnny and Roy. You lied to me."
"It wasn't like that," Mike said. "We ran into each other after I'd met with Johnny and Roy. The meeting hadn't gone well and I was feeling kinda down. Meg thought helping out her neighbor would help me focus on someone other than myself."
"Yeah, like her," Caroline said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Caroline," Mike started.
"I'm sorry, Mike, but I need to ask a few more questions before I head back to the station," Kate interrupted them.
"Sorry, Kate, what else do you need?"
Caroline walked away from them, to look out the window at the end of the hall.
"Were you with Meg the entire time?"
"Yes, well most of it. She had to go and get more mulch, but I stayed at the house."
"How long was she gone?" Kate asked.
"About an hour."
"And what time was that?"
"She probably left around 10:00 AM and got back around 11:00 AM."
Kate made a note in her notebook. "Sorry to have caused you problems," Kate looked over at Caroline.
"It's my own fault. I didn't even think about how Caroline would feel about my spending time with Meg. I just keep screwing this relationship up. I can't even tell you how many times I've cancelled dates on her."
"Yet she's still here," Kate said.
"Yeah, yeah, she is. Thanks, Kate. Do you need anything else?"
"Nope, go see your girlfriend."
Mike walked down the hall to Caroline. He got her to turn to face him. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about how it would make you feel if I spent time with Meg. I was just thinking about myself and how I was feeling down. It felt good to help out Mrs. Harper, but it was about helping her, not spending time with Meg."
"You don't even know her; how can you honestly say it wasn't about Meg?"
Mike took a chance and moved forward to slip his arms around Caroline's waste. "I like you. I'm not looking to see anyone else."
Caroline tilted her head and looked at him. "But you did."
"I promise, Caroline, it was just a friend thing. But, I won't spend time with her anymore if it bothers you. You're important to me."
"I don't want to come across as controlling, Mike. I just, I saw Meg, she's beautiful and it's obvious she still has feelings for you. I don't want to lose you," Caroline leaned into him, resting her head on his chest.
Mike tilted her head up and engaged her in a deep kiss. "I'm not going anywhere."
Caroline smiled and kissed him again. "Promise?"
"Promise."
E
Mike and Caroline moved to join the rest of the group just as Dr. Brackett and Dr. Collier walked up.
Johnny stood to his feet, "Doc?"
"She's okay, Johnny," Dr. Brackett said. "She lost a lot of blood. She's gonna need some time to recover, but she'll live."
Johnny laughed with relief. "Thanks, doc, I mean it, really thanks," Johnny reached out and grabbed his hand, shaking it hard.
"There is some bad news," Dr. Collier said.
Johnny looked over at him.
"I couldn't stop the bleeding without removing her uterus. She won't be able to have any more children," Dr. Collier broke the news to Johnny. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I know in an ideal world you and Ainsley wanted four children.
Johnny shook his head. "I have my wife, we have a son and a daughter, I've got great friends and a job I love. A man can't ask for any better."
"I can take you to see her, Johnny, but she'll be pretty out of it." Dr. Brackett said.
"Thanks."
Johnny followed Dr. Brackett to Ainsley's room. They walked into the room where Ainsley lay in bed, her eyes closed.
She looked really pale. There was an IV bag still giving her fluids. "She's gonna be really weak and right now sleep is the best thing for her," Dr. Brackett said.
Johnny nodded. He moved toward the bed with the intention of just sitting down in the nearby chair, but Ainsley's eyes flickered open. "Baby?" She whispered.
"We have a beautiful baby girl," Johnny whispered back.
Ainsley gave him a weak smile. "I love you my husband."
"I love you my wife."
Dr. Brackett slipped out of the room.
"Stay," Ainsley tried to say with me, but didn't have the energy to get the words out.
Johnny climbed into bed with her, being careful not to disturb her IV. He adjusted things so he could wrap her in his arms. Johnny lay there listening to Ainsley's soft breathing as she quickly fell back to sleep. He pressed his lips to her forehead. He'd come extremely close to losing his wife and unborn child today. He'd never take the ability to just hold any of them for granted ever again.