Chapter Thirty-One

After their introduction, Jamie and Eddie broke off to do their own thing. They needed to go meet the landlord and measure for furniture. It was the next step in their healing and restarting their lives.

They pulled up to the white clapboard style ranch house with wrap-around porch and porch swing. The shutters were painted a near emerald green and the whitewash on the house was fresh. "Oh, Jamie…" Eddie nearly beamed. "It's even more beautiful than in the picture. It's so quaint."

Jamie smiled, he was so glad to see her relaxing and smiling again. It was good to see her happy. They walked up the porch, there was a note from the landlord. "There is a key under the mat, I will meet you a bit later. There is a tape measure in the kitchen drawer."

Eddie was prepared with her own digital device as well. She got the key from under the mat and slid it in the lock. Jamie saw a great opportunity to commemorate a moment from their early marriage. He stooped and slid his arms around her to lift her up and into his arms. "Jamie, what are you doing?"

"Carrying my wife across the threshold," Jamie replied. 'It's our first house, our first real house together."

Eddie laughed as he carried her inside and set her down in the entry way. There was nothing elegant or grand about this house, it was pretty and homey, perfect for a regular family to live a regular life.

Eddie smiled, looking around the house, eyes beaming, she didn't need elegant just Jamie.

"Look at this front room," Jamie smiled. "It's huge, we can set up this corner for Mary's therapy and Bella can have a play space here. We even have room for the dog's kennel."

"They would love that," Eddie agreed with a smile, able to see Mary doing her therapy while Bella played, a home with their family

There were five big bedrooms, "Each of the girls can have their own room and we have a guest room too. These two bedrooms connect, if we need to..." Eddie wasn't sure if they were going to join bedrooms again.

Eddie got out the measuring tape and started to write things down. "We'll need to buy more furniture to fill up this house, our stuff from the apartment won't even fill this place halfway."

"We can go to the store and look for nice furniture to match. What are you thinking?" Jamie smiled.

"I think we keep as much as we can," Eddie replied. "Maybe get a love seat and a couple recliners. That would fit around your floor plan," Eddie laughed.

Jamie laughed too watching her plan. "A loveseat would be nice, and a fire place, we can all cuddle together."

"That's a good idea," Jamie replied. "And it does get cold here."

"Yes, we could cuddle in front it has movie night with the kids," Eddie suggested.

She stepped closer to Jamie, "Remember last night when we talked about me being scared that I would want out of this marriage, not just you?"

"Yeah, I remember," Jamie slipped his arms around her waist slowly

"It's not just going to be about reconnecting,' Eddie sighed. "It's going to be about intimacy too. I can't live a parallel life with you, I want to be husband and wife again, and I can tell you aren't there yet."

"I'm trying to be there Eddie, I want to be there with you. I promise," Jamie whispered.

"We have to try a little harder then," Eddie said. "To fix this..." She got interrupted by the landlord arriving to complete showing the house.

Jamie sighed wanting to finish the conversation, turning to the landlord quickly.

"Did you get a chance to see the back porch?" he asked. "There's a swing set and slide for the kids. And of course plenty of room for you to expand your family."

"That sounds nice we didn't get out to the back yet," Eddie said looking up at Jamie.

They passed through the long hallway, past the kitchen and both bathrooms, "This would make a lovely nursery if you are thinking about having more children." Eddie stopped and her hands went to her stomach.

Jamie shook his head at the thought, it was too soon to think about that right now.

He slid his arm around her, holding her close to him. "It's okay, take a breath." She nodded and leaned on him as they continued to explore the property.

They stood in the yard and looked out. "Cupcake will have the greatest time out here. The more time we are here the better I feel about it."

"Me too. I have a great feeling that everyone will be happier here."

Jamie put his arm around Eddie and she laid her head on his chest. He dropped a kiss on her head, just happy to hold her again.

They finished the tour settling down to talk and sign the papers. Eddie listened imaging their family there.

As they left the house and went back to their rental car, Eddie started to cry. She turned and sought her husband to comfort her.

"What's wrong Eddie," Jamie quickly pulled her close in a tight hug.

"We should be able to fill up those rooms," Eddie sobbed. "Our Joey should be here. He should be here."

"I know honey, I know," Jamie soothed holding her in his arms.

She hiccupped. "Our boy belongs with us, he should be here."

"He should honey, you're right," Jamie kissed the top of her head. Jamie bit his lip, her pain was like a dagger in his heart. "Let's go do something, anything you want to do."

"Yeah maybe it'll help," Eddie sniffled looking up at him, staying his arms.

"Okay..." Jamie replied. "You want to take a buggy ride?"

"Yeah, that would be nice," Eddie agreed, a small smile coming.

They found a buggy stand and paid for the tour of the farm lands in the courting buggy. Eddie cuddled against him as they slowly started, laying her head on his shoulder.

"So…Sheriff Reagan...you ready to be in charge of all of this?"

"Long as I have a beautiful partner by my side," Jamie smiled and kissed her head.

"You know I'll stand by you, Jamie," Eddie replied.

He smiled "I know." Jamie kissed her head again and held Eddie tight.

The horse clipped along as Jamie stroked her arms. He tipped her head up and kissed her lips. They were each thinking about that night and how it would end.

They chose to have dinner on their own that night and drinks with the Sheriff and Angela before bed. They had a candlelit dinner in a quant restaurant with wine.

"To new beginnings," they toasted and clinked glasses.

Eddie smiled at him over the glass taking a sip before setting it down. "New beginnings to a long future."

They ordered their food then Eddie looked down at her hands. She wasn't sure what Jamie had in mind for later. She wasn't feeling it from him yet, the connection. Jamie smiled and reached across the table slowly holding her hand, letting their fingers intertwine.

The appetizer came and Jamie fed Eddie a bite. They did that a lot of the time when they were dating, holding hands, playing footsie, and feeding each other. Eddie watched him, her eyes twinkling, moving her fingers to slowly rub against his.

"Oh, this is so good," Eddie smiled. "Oh, so good."

"Everything is really great but the best part is being here with you," Jamie smiled at her.

"Do you really remember our first date?" Jamie asked.

"Of course I remember Eddie, that was a very special night," Jamie nodded.

"We danced in our bare feet, and held each other all night," Eddie recalled. "We waited to make love just a few days…"

Jamie nodded dropping his voice, "And when we did make love, it was extra special."

"That needs to always be extra special Jamie," Eddie murmured. "Always." She let her words hang there. He got her meaning.

Both smiling, they headed up the Sheriff's front walk. Eddie's feet had been aching so she carried her shoes and Jamie carried her to the door. "They are so sweet together," Angela smiled seeing them approach. "At first, I felt like maybe it was all for show, that they were in trouble, but the way she lit up talking to Ruth about Jamie...I was wrong."

The sheriff smiled, "Hey, Jamie, Eddie. Did you have a good time?"

"You two were right about the restaurant, it was to die for," Eddie smiled. Jamie held her closer and kissed her head. "Eddie loves food of all kinds."

The sheriff smiled, "we love that restaurant too. Hope you saved some room for drinks."

They shared a look, "Yes, I think we can handle a night cap," Jamie replied.

Looping an arm around Angela the sheriff was glad to lead the young couple to the den.

They shared some scotch and a good old-fashioned talk. "So, what did you think of Levi and Ruth?" Angela asked.

"They are very nice people," Jamie answered with a smile.

"Sometimes, it's hard to learn how to interact with them," Don empathized. "And Levi being a church leader...he's tougher, the other's will be more open. Your house touches three Amish farms, you're surrounded out there."

"I think that's nice," Eddie replied. "We need the quiet, this family has had a hard year and we need to heal, we need to get better from the loss before we can move on."

"This place has a way of doing that," Don replied. "So does this work that we'll be doing. Let's have a toast to that."

Jamie smiled and raised his glass, along with Don and Angela. Eddie was the last to follow suit.

They went up to the bedroom hand in hand and prepared for bed. "I had a nice time, I think it was good that we had some time together without the girls." Eddie was trying to gauge Jamie, would he want to make love, he had been so much more affectionate and open. She was still not sure how she felt either.

Jamie slid into bed in his boxer's and undershirt, and Eddie in a plain man's shirt style nightie. They laid facing each other, their hands moved together and their fingers entwined. They kissed gently, just small pecks in the soft darkness of the room.

"I don't think we should do more than this," Eddie whispered as Jamie's hands rubbed her arms through the sheets. "I don't think we are ready, I know you aren't ready and I can't take it if we try and fail again. I need to feel something from you that I'm not feeling yet, I need to feel something for myself too."

Jamie sighed and leaned over to give Eddie another chaste kiss. "We need to keep trying to connect, even when we go back to New York or these next five months aren't going to make a different. I want to touch you, hold you, kiss you. I know I really hurt you, you know you hurt me, we acknowledged it, now it's time to move beyond it. I don't want to keep hurting you."

"I don't want to keep being hurt," Eddie replied. "Or hurting you either. I think we should hug and kiss and hold hands, I think we should sort of date a little until we both feel we are ready to make that special connection again. Stopping that wasn't a mutual decision, but I think starting again should be, it has to be."

Jamie swallowed, he didn't have the words, so Eddie continued. "If we can't rekindle it Jamie…It's going to…if it never happens for us again in the next five months, if we can't get to the place where we are husband and wife in all the ways that matter, we know where this is going to go, how it's going to end, so let's make that a goal for us, to get back to that place. I don't want you to feel forced and I don't' want to feel that way either, it needs to be special or it can't happen at all."

Jamie again silently agreed, he hated they were here in this mess, he hated it for both of them. "Eddie I…"

"Maybe we need some help getting there," Eddie continued. "Maybe we need some counseling, a safe place to air all of this and get everything out. It's going to be a long five months as it is…"

"Let's get settled first," Jamie suggested. "Let's give the move and a new life a chance to work. I already feel closer to being ready, to being connected than I have since we…with Joey and I know you do too. Let's just give us a chance to work, okay?"

Eddie agreed then turned over on her other side, facing away from him. "Hey, don't be upset, I don't think we need a shrink just yet okay? I think we can do it on our own if we want it bad enough…" He hugged her back. "And I do. I know you do too. I love you so much. I really do. I love you."

Eddie reached her hand out from underneath the sheets and covered Jamie's hand, "We'll try it then, we'll try more this way, but I can't and won't live without us reconnecting, we can co-parent better apart than we can together. Just remember that."

Jamie knew there was no way he was ever going to forget.