Thanks for reading! Hope you all are having good holidays and considering, an early happy new year!
Additional translations in the end notes.

Mahariel, Dorian, and Blackwall took advantage of the remaining of the day to work a bit in the area, clearing the barricades from the undead. The fight was harder than she expected, the arcane horror giving them a hard time, and her ice magic helping but little. They were exhausted and in need of healing quicker than they wished. She was feeling pretty defeated. It would hardly make her feel better for what happened earlier with wisdom, though she really wanted to do something useful and not to fail at it. Again.

She finally led them back to the first outpost for the night. She had kept quiet most of the day since Solas left and they had respected it, seeing she was obviously upset as well. Dorian, unlike Blackwall, did have a guess in which extent. Her guilt was palpable, and he quickly gave up on trying to lighten her, letting her just go and kill corpses as she wished. During the dinner, she eventually spoke to both of them.

"Thank you for not letting him come alone."

"Of course, Inquisitor. He is one of us, if he needs help, we shall be there." Answered Blackwall. Her eyes were grateful yet she teased.

"Seriously Blackwall, call me Mahariel."

"Shouldn't you look for him by the way?" Asked Dorian. She shook her head.

"He wants to be alone. Cole is watching over him, I won't barge unless this is necessary." Dorian raised an eyebrow.

"He thinks he wants to be alone."

"He is a grown-man Dorian, he knows what he wants."

If she was saddened by this statement, nothing showed. Though, Blackwall glanced questioningly at Dorian. He was hardly aware of gossips in Skyhold and felt a bit at loss there. She glared at Dorian, daring him to answer the untold question. She was already opposed to these rumors, add to it her mood…Hopefully, Cole popped next to them, playing welcome distraction. Her eyes widened with concern.

"Cole, is something wrong?"

"He is hurt but he is safe. I can show you where if you want."

"Tel'isala da'len. Dar uth Dirthavaren?" She asked, knowing that the spirit could understand elvhen.

"Yes. Not far. Inan vhen asha. Nuvenin. Isala. Ma vhenan. Too proud, he won't admit it." She sighed. She didn't ask for this. At least he began to understand she did not wanted the other to understand.

"Ma serannas, da'len."

"Arasha. Dirthavaren. He doesn't know yet. But I hear it. Ar lat –"

"Cole!" She interrupted in a hurry, not liking where he was going. Mischief jumped into Dorian's eyes.

"Venhedis, what was he going to say?" Mahariel looked at Cole intensively. Do not translate or end this one, please…I'd rather you forget it.

"What…What were we saying?" The spirit asked suddenly tilting his head. Mahariel's eyes widened yet again. Oh crap.

"Creators, sorry Cole! I didn't mean to –"

"It's fine, I only wish to help. You didn't want to do it." He smiled, even if he didn't know what he was talking about, just feeling her sudden guilt.

"What happened?" Asked Blackwall.

"I…I made him forget." She confessed while looking down, ashamed. This was not right to do that to a spirit.

"You can do that?" She looked apologetic, unusually fidgeting her fingers.

"I didn't know, obviously. I would have been more careful." She cleared her throat to chase her unease. "Well, I guess what's done is done. Cole, can you go back to watch him?"

The boy nodded and disappeared once more.

Solas was indeed sitting on rocks, out of sight for them. He had used the afternoon to wander in Wisdom's favorite place in the Fade. Empty. Nothing but memories. It was one of his oldest friend, it had been here for thousands of years and now…Now he felt alone, once more. He felt Cole's presence lingering nearby. He wasn't angry at him, he was being but his purpose. He did not feel him earlier but he was wondering if it meant he wasn't around. He spoke up.

"You wanted to say something, Cole?" The spirit appeared next to him.

"I'm sorry for your friend. Hurt, alone. But you don't have to be. You look at her and you smile. She is still here. Afraid, this is not right, not like that. She can understand, you just have to tell. She feels it too, she won't abandon you. You don't have to be alone."

Solas sighed. He had hesitated to stop the spirit but finally did not. He was a spirit of compassion and…

"Thank you, Cole. It actually helps." The boy looked at him with hope.

"She wants to be here but thinks you don't want her to. I can tell her you want."

"I…I'd rather you not to Cole. Not yet…I'll consider it. She sent you?"

"No. Yes. She asked me to watch you because she was worried. She wanted me to stay away, not seen, not here. I decided to talk."

"I see." He nodded. "Thank you, Cole, I wish to be alone now."

Cole disappeared instantly. He was a nice spirit. Younger, way younger than Wisdom. He resumed his contemplation of Mahariel for a time. Once or twice, he was almost sure she glanced in his direction while the party ate, mostly in silence from what he could tell. But she did not come. However, once everyone else was in their cot, she went outside and this time, seemed decided to come. He first went to move. He was not ready, not yet. He needed to mourn by himself. But she stopped around rocks, way ahead of him and put a pile of things on it. He could not make out clearly her eyes, yet, he felt like she looked straight at him for mere seconds before lowering her head and turning around. He could obviously not hear the faintest of whisper she let out.

"Ir abelas, vhenan'ara."

He waited some minutes before standing. He made his way to the rocks to observe what she left there. A blanket, a pillow and food. He found himself smiling softly.

After the dinner she offered him, his steps led him towards a cave.

Cole came back to Mahariel to tell her where he was. She hesitated but eventually sneaked out of the camp to find a discreet spot near the cave to take a watch. She was not to disturb him. Though, for his wards were a thing, between the corpses, the freemen, the wolves, the bandits, the venatori, it wasn't sufficient. She could not stay away with so many threats hovering above him.

She did not sleep of the night, keeping the watch.

She spotted him quickly once he woke up and walked out of the cave. Her eyes had barely been leaving its entry for long hours now. She glanced down at the few venatori that came too close during the night. Her nose wrinkled. Considering the trend going on here of these turning into undead, she should burn them before leaving. Despite herself, tiredness got the best of her before she could proceed though. Her eyelids were heavy, after the exhausting journey, the fade-walking, the barricades and a sleepless night…It was too much.

Solas had on his mind to find some bushes with berries for his breakfast, having but little left from the dinner. His steps took him toward her spot, and it was not long for him to feel the Anchor, hardly discreet without her awareness and efforts to hide it. He looked up to find her asleep on a branch. Before he could process his bewilderment, Cole appeared.

"She could not stay awake anymore." The spirit explained. Solas frowned, not understanding.

"Why do you mean not anymore?"

"To be here in time, she barely slept for days. And last night she didn't at all. Worry, afraid. He is alone in a hostile place. Look." He pointed the corpses, hidden behind the trunk. Solas' lips parted and his brows furrowed.

"Fenedhis, she must be exhausted! she needs to rest."

"She does not feel the need if she thinks you are not safe."

They had walked the hill and were standing under her. He needed to take her back to a camp. She could not stay there. Hopefully the branch she was on wasn't high. He waved his hand to make her move just enough so she fell into his arms. He had done it gently, hoping not to wake her. Of course, it did not work. Falling from a tree was the kind of thing doomed to wake up someone. She started and babbled.

"Solas! What… - " She blinked several times to process. She understood quickly enough. " I…Fenedhis, I'm so sorry, lethallin, you said you wanted to be alone and I…" He put her feet on the ground and smiled genuinely.

"Tel'abelas, vhenan. But please, you need to rest, let us take you back to a camp." She shook her head.

"No, I'm fine. I…I can go back by myself…I…I shouldn't have intruded and –"

He silenced her by pulling her into his arms.

"You did not intrude." Uttered he softly.

For once since Wisdom died, he felt his pain slightly soothed. He took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of her magic, the smell of her hair, the touch of her body. He felt her relax in his arms. She said nothing, understanding he merely wished this comfort. Fenedhis, I missed her, I love her s – wait, what? He opened his eyes to see a smile on Cole's face, few steps behind Mahariel. Of course, he heard that. He composed himself and whispered.

"Sleep."

Cole went to grab Dorian and Blackwall at Solas' demand. The boy did not seem surprised to find Varric and Hawke with them. Of course, he was not. They were both damn beacons for a spirit of compassion. Mahariel was sleeping deeply on the ground next to him. Few times, he caught himself cleaning her forehead from a rebel strands. He had reluctantly settled her head on his pack instead of his laps before they came too close. He remained now next to her, but at a respectable distance. He stood up when they arrived. The four of them looked at the Inquisitor with surprise and a hint of worry. Solas explained.

"I put a sleeping spell on her, she is harassed and needs to rest. You should take her back to a camp." Declared he. Dorian raised an eyebrow.

"Let me guess, she won't be in a good mood when she wakes up." His brows furrowed a bit though, he had to admit…

"That is a possibility." Hawke shook her head with disbelief.

"Great, and when are we to expect sleepyhead to wake up?" Solas considered her question. Well, he had casted quite a strong sleeping spell to be fair. It could take few days.

"The day after tomorrow." They widened their eyes, ajar. He resumed. "Look at the dark circles around her eyes. She needs even more than that." They considered her face and winced. He had a point. "I cannot believe you let her fight yesterday." Added he accusingly, glaring at Dorian and Blackwall. The mage raised a brow and crossed his arms.

"My good man, you just admitted you put her to sleep by surprise. I trust you know well enough how telling our dear herald she is in no shape to do something would lead nowhere." Solas' nose wrinkled but he did not comment farther and turned to Cole.

"If anything happens, you find me right away, understood?"

"Yes but I don't understa –"

"Let it be Cole." He interrupted. "I'll be back. I just need time to process." The spirit knew he was not only referring to Wisdom's death. He finally nodded. Blackwall lifted Mahariel carefully. Solas looked at him doing so, refraining his urge to take her from his arms. He suppressed a frown of worry. She was going to be safe. If she was not, Cole would catch him. Varric lingered a bit. He put tentatively a hand on his arm.

"Heard what happened. Not sure I really understood all of it, but…I'm sorry, Chuckles."

"Thank you, master Tethras." Varric muttered a sigh.

"You aren't going to bail on her, are you?" Solas' features gave away nothing and he merely repeated.

"I need time. I'll be back."

"So I hope."

Hawke took the lead for the two following days, Varric, Dorian or Cole always staying with the Inquisitor. If she had learned anything in Kirkwall, it was definitely how to take the heat of a conflict. And there was enough to do in the area to keep them busy anyway.

When she woke up, Mahariel was mostly unnerved, not certain of what happened. And when she did remember, she put on the mask, not letting anything show.

The first thing she decided to do was to head to the Dalish Clan she had spotted. She should have done that two days earlier, considering. She asked the party to remain behind while she made her way closer, scanning the camp quickly as she searched the Keeper. The troubles in this area could not have made it easy on them. Though, she knew the reaction of Dalish if she was to show up, and a keeper knew her face. Except for Cole, the rest of them looked at the exchange from afar and with narrowed eyes, hoping somehow to make out some words. Varric and Blackwall above all, remembered how it went last time she crossed path with a Dalish. It was…Weird. Unusual for all they knew of these elves. However, she did not give them the occasion to get much out of it, as she retreated to an aravel with the Keeper.

Solas had followed more or less the party in its displacements that day, knowing Mahariel was to be awaken by now. He merely wanted to see if she was fine, but seeing they were taking the way of the Dalish camp…It picked his curiosity. He could see the expression of few elves, that is, see mixed feelings. A form of suspicion and fear, but also respect. These were but a minority, most appeared to merely disregard her, if not eyeing her mismatched tattoos.

When she came out, she simply told the others what needed to be done and did not share any other piece of information with them. Or the fact that she could feel Solas' presence nearby.

The night after the meeting, she sneaked out of the camp, going in the forest past the clan. She was back in a hooded cape. Few hunters of the clan were waiting for her, as much as Oran and, for once, Eludyssia. The hunter from clan Lavellan was her oldest friend, and her most trusted agent with Oran. Mahariel was tensed about this secret meeting, unable to get a single hint of where Solas was. She did not want him running in yet another thing she could not explain. The timing for this was terrible, she had so much things on her mind. But they needed to plan for the Winter Palace, as much as any faction that was to attend. Officially or not.

In the meantime, and somewhere else in the Exalted Plain, Nyreos was seeking his Lord as well. They usually met in the Fade, especially since the Inquisition reached Skyhold. But as Solas was noticing Mahariel's ability to find him more and more easily, he had more or less shut down his agent for the past couple of days, and Nyreos was growing concerned. The elf did not stay long, however, understanding quickly that now was not a good time.

By the end of August and after weeks of processing, mourning and grieving, Solas finally stepped into Skyhold, expecting a very pissed Mahariel to appear. He spotted her soon enough, going down the main stairs. Leliana probably informed her he was back. He swallowed a bit, more stressed than he would admit. The whole sleep thing was…Ruder than he wanted, he did realize it. He just wanted her to rest but, thinking about from her point of view, he had put her to sleep for days and send her away without a word when all she did was to be caring. And he finally showed up almost a month later. She reached him and he cleared his throat.

"Inq – Mahariel." He corrected himself. She looked at him with a comprehensive smile.

"How are you, Solas?"

"It hurts, it always does. But I will survive."

She wanted to hug him but considered the very public courtyard and restrained herself.

"Thank you for coming back."

"You were a true friend. You did everything you could to help. I could hardly abandon you now."

She smiled with relief. Of course, he did say he will meet them back here but…The way he embraced her before sending her away sounded somehow way too much like an untold goodbye. At least he was back, that was more than she had hoped these past days. Cole kept telling her he was fine and intended to be back, though, she could not help her concerns.

"Where did you go?"

"I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the place in the Fade where my friend used to be. It's empty, but there are stirrings of energy in the Void. Someday something new may grow there." She glanced questioningly.

"What happens when a spirit dies?"

"It isn't the same as for mortals. The energy of spirits returns to the Fade. If the idea giving the spirit form is strong, or if the memory has shaped other spirits, it may someday rise again." A sparkle of hope jumped in her eyes.

"You're saying your friend might come back?"

"No. Not really. A spirit's natural state is peaceful semi-existence. It is rare to be able to reflects reality. Something similar may return one day, but it might have a different personality. It would likely not remember me. It would not be the friend I knew."

She listened carefully to his words but the ones she really heard were might and likely. The point was it could. She grinned genuinely at the idea. He smiled back even if he did not think like her. Her smile was promising everything, as always, and…He couldn't help but listen to it, even if it was little. She finally answered, voice soft.

"The next time you have to mourn, you don't need to be alone." He looked away, thoughtful.

"It has been so long since I could trust someone."

Sadness took her eyes. What in the world happened to him for him to be…like me. She finally realized. She may be the one telling him he didn't need to be alone, but she would have done just the same.

"I know."

"I…Would you mind continuing this discussion somewhere else, if you have a moment?"

She nodded and began to climb back the stairs before finding a shadowed spot. He raised an eyebrow. Not really what I had in mind…She waved the thought.

"Still need a piece of drama to go through the hall. Nobles are not quite happy with my absence at All Soul's Day and they are jumping at me every time I walk through the door so…"

She took off a ring he had never seen her with before – useful little thing she found in Var'Bellanaris – and put it in his hand.

"You use this, I fade-cloak and we rush to my quarters, hoping no one notices the door opening and closing. Works for you?"

He muttered a chuckle and nodded, quickly figuring what was the ring for. For all the time she spent in stealth, good thing she found something to preserve her mana and stamina.

They reached her quarters, out of breath. This was quite the run and half of the main hall was suspicious but here they were.

They went to the balcony, in need for fresh air. He finally put on his serious face. He told her he needed time to think and he had. A lot. It had been what? Two months…And so much things happened. He knew what he wanted and he thought he could make it work. Given she still wanted him, despite how much time he took. She was different, she was…real but…Fenedhis how could she? He wanted to understand how he had made such a mistake – know if it was a mistake, after all the Anchor…

"What were you like, before the Anchor?" She looked at him, surprised by the question and glanced at her hand…Er not the herald, not the inquisitor, a mage, an assassin? What does he mean? "Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your moral, your…spirit?" She turned the question a bit in her head but finally answered with a shrug.

"If it has, how would I notice?" He looked at her and chuckled.

"That's an excellent point."

"Why do you ask?"

"You show a wisdom I have not seen since…" His voice suddenly loudened excitedly. "since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade. You are not what I expected." Considering his grim and fatalistic self, I guess this is not that bad. She smirked.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"It's not disappointing, it's.." Damn, all serious…He sighed, thoughtful. "most people are predictable. You have shown subtlety in your actions, a wisdom that goes against everything I expected."

Yeah but we all get the point where your expectations were pretty low, considering the condescending ass you were when we met. She thought with a laughter in the inside. Fenedhis, things have…changed, to say the least.

"If the Dalish could…" Oh Creators, not that again. "…raise someone with a spirit like yours…Have I misjudged them?" Her eyes widened. He is asking me? Really? That was unexpected. Still, her face hardened a bit.

"The Dalish did not make me like this. The decisions were mine." Sure they would agree. He gave a small smile.

"Yes, you are wise to give yourself that due. Although, the Dalish, in their fashions, may still have guided you. Perhaps that is it. I suppose it must be. Most people act with so little understanding of the world, but not you."

"I've had other schools than the Dalish, besides." He nodded.

"True." Hum yes, and? Where is he going with that?

"So, what does this mean Solas?" He smiled, his voice smooth and his eyes mischievous.

"It means I have not forgotten the kiss." Kiss, that is quite the understat – Oh. The words somehow reached her ears and she stayed speechless. Yeah that was true they didn't speak of what happened since…Well what happened and he said he needed to think about it and…Oh so this is…

"Good."

Well, you found your voice back…This was incredibly lame, but at least you found it back. Okay you know what? Stop the words, it makes you look stupid. She leaned closer to him. He looked at her eyes and then at her lips. And he made a nonsense. Again. He shook his head and began to spun towards the door, a sparkle of sadness in his eyes. She reached his arm and whispered.

"Don't go." He looked at her caringly, but still with this unexplained sadness. His eyes deep in hers, he resumed.

"It would be kinder in the long-run…" He paused, contemplating her. "But losing you would –"

He didn't end his sentence. He pressed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss, as he took her in a tight embrace…The same tight embrace she had felt their last night before the others arrive in Skyhold. Full of the same fear of losing her. She put her arms around him, trying to reassure him in this sudden fear she didn't quite understand. It was not the passionate kiss of long holding-back desire, it was tender and soft. The lust was lingering but quiet as the genuine love was forward. They parted their lips a bit. Finally, they rested their forehead against each other. His eyes were still sorrowful. He declared as he broke the embrace.

"Ar lath ma, vhenan."

Her breath caught in her throat. Her lips parted faintly and her eyes welled up as she looked at him. He…He…For some reason, he didn't seem to want any kind of answer. He took his leave, heading downstairs. He let her absolutely and wonderfully ajar, processing and lamely unable to prevent him from leaving her quarters.

Tel'isala da'len. Dar uth Dirthavaren? – No need, child. Is he still in the Exalted Plains?

Inan vhen asha. Nuvenin. Isala. Ma vhenan. – Eyes toward her. Want. Need. My heart.

Arasha. Dirthavaren. – My happiness. A promise.

Vhenan'ara – desire of my heart.

Ar lath ma, vhenan. – I love you, my heart.