Chapter Thirty-Eight
After a hearty dinner at the Plain and Fancy farm, Frank treated the family to a night at Hershey.
Mary's eyes widened looking around at all the attractions. "Look Mommy."
"I see honey," Eddie smiled. "Do you want to go in the chocolate world ride?"
"Yes please Mommy can we get some chocolate too to take home," Mary asked.
"If you are a very good girl," Eddie replied. "A very good girl."
"I will be Mommy I promise," Mary said.
Mary was an angel. They rode on the chocolate world car, "I want to go with Grandpa and Bella...and you and Daddy go."
"Okay honey go with Grandpa," Eddie watched them go.
Jamie handed her into the car, "She is so happy."
"Yeah she is it's so good to see her smiling," Eddie agreed getting in with Jamie.
As they rode, Jamie raised his arm and put it around Eddie.
Eddie looked at him offering a smile and leaned in closer
They were both making an effort, but it just wasn't taking, it wasn't working. By the time they got off the ride, they pulled apart.
"Mommy did you see? Wasn't that fun," Mary called to her as they got off
"Yes, it was fun," Eddie smiled. "And I think you earned some chocolate candy."
Mary's eyes lit up, "Thank you Mommy," she squealed receiving a smile from Frank.
They got a few bags of candy and a cotton candy to share. Mary wanted a ride on the Ferris Wheel, so Eddie, Bella, and Frank sat down to wait. "How are you sweetheart?"
"I'm okay adjusting to the new house and neighborhood," Eddie smiled
"I saw the ramps and the new bed, looks like you are making quiet an impression already," Frank smiled. "But you seem so sad.
"The neighbors helped a lot everyone is so helpful and genuine," Eddie smiled
"But something is still..." Frank sighed. "You know I hold no ill will toward you for making that mistake. I know what the pain of such a loss can do."
"I'm sure you do but it wasn't your fault what happened to your son Joe. On the other hand, our Joey was so young," Eddie shook her head.
"It wasn't your fault either," Frank replied. "And neither was what happened with that man. You were in pain, you were angry and you made a mistake," Frank assured.
Eddie sighed, "Jamie can't forgive me, he can't and the marriage is over, I know it's over. I'm just holding on as long as he'll let me."
"No honey it isn't over until you both give up on each other. You still have time," Frank said
"I love him so much, but he moved out that night and even the one time we tried to be intimate with each other, he couldn't do it. He stopped and we both cried...it was awful."
"You both need to work on it, if only one of you does…it won't work," Frank said. "And keep working on it whatever it takes."
"I want to, Frank," Eddie replied. "I really do, but Jamie won't forgive or even forget and I can't keep fighting a losing battle. I'm too tired. I'm just too tired."
"And can you forgive him for the mistake he made?" Frank asked softly.
"I have," Eddie said quickly. "I have forgiven Jamie, I know he was between a rock and a hard place. I have no anger against Jamie anymore for Joey's death." Frank knew by the tone of her voice that was true.
Frank bought the candy for the whole family, both girls fell asleep in the car.
Frank smiled at his granddaughters, "They had a great time, did you two?"
"It was nice," Eddie replied as she picked up the baby and went inside. "Mary was so happy." But Frank knew better, he planned to talk to Jamie.
He let them settle the kids, nonchalantly finding Jamie. "You have a really nice house here."
"Thanks," Jamie replied. "Tomorrow I'll show you the Sheriff's office and you can meet some people. Eddie is fast friends with our neighbor Faith and many of the Amish people.
"That's good for her to have friends here too just as important to make her feel welcome."
Jamie nodded, "Yes..." He sat down by Frank. "Go on and say it. You don't like that Eddie and I sleep in separate rooms."
"How did you know I knew," Frank smiled at his son.
"The look on your face speaks volumes," Jamie replied. "I moved out of our room when Eddie slept with that guy from the grief group. All I can see of them, you know?"
Frank offered him a smile, "yes I do but she is your wife Jamie you must work it out and get past that."
"I can't..." Jamie sighed. "Now I am trying, I didn't ask for separate rooms here. I thought things would be different. I guess she hasn't forgiven me yet."
"Both of you made mistakes and trust me I've made quite a few myself with mom we all do."
"You didn't get your son killed and mom didn't sleep with another man," Jamie sighed.
"No but it doesn't matter what we did your mother and I talked and forgave. Your mom didn't but I feel responsible for Joe."
"It's not the same thing, Joe was not three..." Jamie sighed. "Eddie only did what she did because she hates me. She can't forgive me.
"I get it losing a child is the hardest thing and no one wants to go through it but find a way to get through it."
"How Dad? How do I do that? I'm losing her. I can try to survive one day at a time without Joey, but losing my Eddie...I can't do that Dad, I don't know how to fix it."
Frank took a deep breath, "I know it's really daunting for you, Jamie. I know it for Eddie too. I think you are holding onto all this anger, not just at Eddie, but also at you. Think to yourself, son, why are you holding onto this anger? Is it because you don't want to feel what's underneath?"
Jamie bit his lip, "I have tried really hard, Dad. I pushed her away to begin with, but now, I have reached out. I..."
"If it isn't working maybe seeing a counselor would help," Frank suggested. "That worked for Mom and me when things were rough for a while. Let me tell you this, you are going to lose her. She's not going to do this amicable marriage thing, this married friends bit. She's not, so you have to figure out if you are going to be her husband all the way or let her go."
Jamie bit his lip, he knew that his days with Eddie were numbered to the deadline he set. "Counseling huh? Maybe...but I think...I got away from church since Joey...anger and resentment...maybe I need to try that..."
"Try whatever you need to save your marriage," Frank replied. "The love you two have, it's worth saving. I know it, I see your mother's eyes when Eddie looks at you. That's unconditional love, she's forgiven you, but you haven't forgiven her or yourself and you have to."
"And if I can't?" Jamie asked. He was scared of losing his wife and more of his heart, and that could happen either way.
"At least you know you tried everything you could," Frank soothed. "But I know that it will be enough. I know it."
Jamie nodded, "Thanks Dad. I'm going to try my best my absolute best."
"You do that…everything you can," Frank replied. "If you don't it will be the biggest regret of your life." Frank put his hand on Jamie's shoulder. He felt his throat close, even with his father's sound advice and steady hand, he felt the loss.
Jamie nodded and went to the master bedroom to say goodnight to Eddie.
The room was already dark when he slipped inside. She was curled up around her pillow, golden hair splayed out against the soft yellow sheets. He was hoping she would still be awake, they could talk, but she was exhausted and he didn't have the heart to disturb her when she was sleeping so peacefully.
She was so beautiful, such a natural as a mother. He wanted to end the stress then and there, take her in his arms, declare it all better, but he knew that ship sailed, he had to prove he'd let go, and he still hadn't, not all the way.
He knelt by her side for a long while. With tender fingertips, he brushed the hair off her face, then placed a gentle, tender kiss on her forehead. "I love you so much, Eddie. I'm going to stop the pain once and for all, I know what I need to do."
It was done. They hurt each other long enough, he held onto his grievances along enough. Samuel and Levi were right, until he gave his anger away, and not just his anger at Eddie, he would have no room in his heart for other things. He knew Eddie had forgiven him, and to be honest, he had forgiven her. The only way to replace Steven in his mind's eye was to take her back into his arms but for that he had to get her to let him back into their bed.
He crawled between the covers and slid his arm around Eddie's middle. She instinctively moved closer to him and burrowed into his warmth, never opening her eyes.
Tonight, he would hold his wife while they slept, unless and until she kicked him out if Bella cried. For now though, he would hold her in his arms, safe and warm, just the way she liked it.
In the recesses of sleep, Eddie felt the presence of her husband, her best friend, next to her. Her unconscious mind grabbed at the sensation and held onto it so hard she slept the longest and deepest she had since Joey died, so long in fact, when she woke, the only evidence of Jamie was the warmth of the sheets and the impression of his head on the pillow.
His uniform was gone, but there was a note pinned to her robe. It read simply, "Lunch?"
She smiled, this was a good way to start their day.
Eddie left the girls with Frank and went to meet Jamie for lunch. When she got to the station Jamie was in the conference room with nearly every deputy he had. She could tell by his body language that he was stressed. She looked around at the office smiling slightly at how different it was from the 12th, smaller and quieter.
"Mrs. Reagan," the receptionist said. "Sheriff Reagan asked for you to step in when you got here. Two Amish children were accosted on the way home from school and one was almost taken."
"Oh no I'm sorry to hear that. Jamie is very good at what he does he'll do everything he can to try and prevent this from happening again."
"Please join your husband," she said again and Eddie went into the conference room.
"Hey Eddie," Jamie stood up walking over to greet her. He took her hands leaning in for a kiss.
She smiled at him and sat by his side as he continued. "So fan out, search the entire perimeter. Until this case is solved we are all doing 16 hours on, 8 off."
The deputies all nodded getting up to start work. "Hey I heard what happened"
"On their way to school," Jamie sighed. "And then parents aren't helping, they won't try to defend their kids, fight back or anything. Let's have lunch, I need your help."
"My help? Sure, I brought your favorite sandwich," Eddie said unpacking the lunch.
Jamie smiled, "You know I didn't invite you just so you would feed me. I missed saying goodnight last night."
Eddie smiled, "I know but you need to eat too keep your strength up."
They sat outside to eat, it felt like old times. "What can I do?" Eddie asked. "You said you needed my help."
Jamie wiped his mouth, "You've been a cop for years Eddie, and with this going on I need another cop I can trust."
"Jamie, no," Eddie said quickly. "Our children need me at home they need one of us safe..." Jamie held her hand. "I know, this would only be so you could protect the Amish kids back and forth to school. So you could carry and keep them safe."
Eddie looked at him shaking her head a confused look. "What do you want me to do?"
"Let me deputize you, and you escort the kids in the hay wagon to and from school."
"Why me Jamie?" Eddie asked putting her sandwich down.
"I trust you and Eddie you are the most incredible mother I have ever known. You will protect these children and their parents like you, they trust you and so do I."
He trusted her. That warmed Eddie's heart, she smiled so brightly on a reflex. "For the time being," she agreed. "For the children."
"Thanks Eddie I really appreciate it," Jamie smiled kissing her softly.
"Let's go inside," Jamie suggested." I can do it there and get you a weapon and shield. Eddie cleaned their lunch up bringing it inside with her.
Jamie smiled, "Raise your right hand. I, Sheriff Jameson Reagan do hereby deputize you imbuing you with all the powers that the position entails. Do you swear to uphold the laws of Lancaster County and protect its citizens?"
"I do," Eddie replied aware of the eyes on her, everyone inside watching.
Jamie leaned over and gave Eddie a soft kiss, "Does this make it official?" she asked. He smiled "You are the hottest deputy I have..."
Eddie smirked, "You better say that Mr. Reagan, laughing at him.
Jamie gave Eddie her badge and her gun then she prepared to head home to the girls before starting her new duty. "Wait, you need a vest."
"You really think I'll need it," Eddie turned back to study him.
"No, but I want you to wear it anyway, we don't know who or what we are dealing with," he replied. "I want you safe."
Nodding Eddie took the vest to put on in the bathroom under her clothes
Jamie headed out to follow up on a lead, a crying child at the local Walmart that was unfamiliar with the candy machine, what child was not acquainted with that at six years old!
He found the child with a manager giving a patient smile getting down to their level. "Hey bud I'm Sheriff Jamie." They had the correct child, the parents arrived and the boy ran to his mother but the person that tried to lure him out of the store had gotten away.
Jamie sighed, frustrated there was another victim and they weren't any closer.
He was happy the child was safe, but there was no way to know if this was a one-time thing or the start of something terrible.