Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy and happy First Day! I wrote some First Day fluff on Ao3 for these two silly elves, if anyone is interested. Additional translations in the end notes.

By the beginning of Kingsway, Skyhold was upside down. Two months before the Grand Ball. Theoretically, they should be ready by then. If a billion things stopped getting in the way.

If anything, Josephine had gotten Mahariel to agree not to venture outside of Shyhold before the Winter Palace.

The white-hair was preparing herself before heading to a meeting with the advisors. She was pacing up and down in her quarters. Leliana did not elaborate why they were meeting. That's why she knew exactly why. They had been comprehensive and respective of her secrecy. But with the Ball coming, the need for an official version was stronger than ever. The spymaster had kept close-control of the rumors, crushing the most dangerous ones. But everyone knew what she looked like by now. The all Thedas was aware of the mismatched tattoos she was bearing. Except for the one in her back, that is. She muttered a sigh. Well, time for some more half-truths then.

She entered the War-Room and was surprised to find only Leliana in it. Wasn't she supposed to meet the three of them? If not the four with Cassandra? Leliana looked up and answered the untold question.

"I imagine you are well aware of the matter today. I'd rather keep this discussion to ourselves in order to make things easier for the others. It will be easier to digest the story if they do not witness previous attempts at constructing it." Mahariel nodded.

"I see your point. So, care to tell me what we are dealing with?"

"My issue is on the Qunari and Tevinter tattoo." She paused and nodded knowingly at her movement for soundproofing. "We can still spread word that you were a mercenary in Seheron without elaborating further. Given no one there is to deny this claim."

Mahariel held her accusing gaze. True enough, she had kept this secret for long now, and the spymaster was getting tired of not being able to uncover it. Unlike Solas, she did not even have a name to go with. It did not mean she learnt nothing, but considering what she thought she knew, this was making the situation extremely complicated.

"Why don't you start with what you think you know." Stated Mahariel. She was no fool, Leliana was good at her job. The redhead's features remained unreadable.

"You don't act like a slave. Never did. So, my researches have been about free white-hair elves. Turns out, there are not that much. Especially known arcane warrior." Mahariel closed her eyes and sighed. That was doomed to leak.

"How long have you known?"

"I've had insights after we reached Skyhold. Then, I tried to get more from Dorian. Extremely loyal to you, by the way, I was impressed. Though, the defensive can tell as much to those who know how to listen."

"I see. And no one jumped at my throat yet, because…?"

Leliana frowned deeply and her fist met the table of heavy wood rather fiercely.

"Damn it, Mahariel! No one here would have jumped at your throat! We would have known there was a story there, that it was not as bad as it sounded! But yes, I kept your secret, because now, this is a real problem! You lied and you deceived. Do you think it was hard once I had the name Calessia to know that you knew Alexius and Felix?!" Mahariel received the angry yells with a frown of her own, her pride picked by the scolding.

"Oh, please! People would have understood? Wouldn't have I been handcuffed and accused of blood magic?! Again?! Let's be real 'Lia, one doesn't say Hello, I'm the apprentice of a Magister and gets away with it! Not here, and not in Tevinter. Don't you think the Magisterium would have been pretty pissed to have the so-called Herald of Andraste being an apprentice?!"

"You keep deciding not to trust anyone here! You could have said it, if not then, later!" She sighed heavily, closing her eyes. The redhead sat on a chair, features exhausted. She shook her head, voice getting softer. "I have been a former bard too. And I kept secrets too, from everyone. It always catches up, Mahariel. And when it does, this is when you are alone. Not because of them, but because you let no one in when you got the chance."

Mahariel's nose wrinkled. She was not a child, she did not need a lecture about what she should do or not. Ending up Inquisitor was not exactly part of the situations an assassin or spy learnt how to deal with. She bit her bottom lip, considering the words more than she would admit. Though, she did not comment on it.

"Tevinter kept quiet until now. They probably do not know quite what to do with the Inquisitor being the apprentice of a Magister. If they wanted it to be known, they would have made it known, as the Dalish did. I did travel to Seheron and I have been a mercenary. The Inquisition cannot lie but is not responsible for some quick assumptions." Leliana looked up at her and sighed again before coming back to business too.

"But why tattoos?"

"A Dalish exile trying to survive on an island eaten by war?"

"Hum…Easy way to be seen as an ally, indeed. Maybe it would be better to play on the inexperienced lost Dalish girl who did what she had to survive either than the mercenary, considering? How would you tell this story, including the Dalish and Crows aspects?" Mahariel was thoughtful a moment. Her hand brushed her neck. That was her time to sigh. Here they go, then.

"I left the Dalish because of a discovered fourth mage. There was no room for him so I left to give him the spot. I was young – sixteen – and frightened. I met an elven Crow. The tattoo on my neck, is an engagement one. For both Dalish and Crows, inks have powerful significance. When he died, I left the South and found myself between Qunari and Tevinter. I did what I had to survive, maybe was even eager to add new tattoos, hoping to lessen the importance of the one given by my former betrothed by surrounding it with others."

Leliana glanced at her with a sparkle of pain and surprise in her eyes. For all she appeared to ignore her earlier words…She had told the story straight, without looking at her or anywhere in particular. Despite what they were trying to do, the Spymaster was sure of one thing.

"This is the truth. A part of it, at least."

"Yes." Leliana hesitated a second.

"Are you ready for this to be heard?" Mahariel shook slowly her head.

"I will not ask of you that you lie on my behalf." Assessed she firmly. She would not have asked for her to do so about Calessia either. She paused and looked finally at the Spymaster. "You did break the Crows' code, did you not?" Leliana nodded.

"I did, with the help of an old friend. However, I did not find anything in the contracts pointing to you. This was odd."

Mahariel frowned a bit. The Nightingale was a quick-mind, she would have understood. An old friend…There had been rumors of the identity of the Black Shadow and….Oh. He did not translate the post-scriptum. I owe him one. She simply smirked. Enough of heart-to-heart for one meeting.

"Mystery for another day." Leliana's features enlightened with typical bard mischief.

"Indeed."

"Anyway, what do you think of the story?" Leliana seemed thoughtful before she nodded with a professionally appreciative look.

"This is good. A bit of sympathy cannot do any harm, and they will see you as a fragile harmless thing and be less careful. How wrong they will be. Add the modesty of you refusing this to be spread earlier because you did not want sympathy votes and reluctantly agreed for the pleasure of the Court."

"Happy to hear my story is useful." She heard her bitter tone and chastised herself for it. She dismissed Leliana's concern with a gesture and cleared her throat. "My apologies, I did not mean to sound so rude."

"It's okay, Mahariel. I understand this is not the kind of story you want to share with all Thedas. Another thing: we shall not bring it up if not asked, but what about the apprentice matter? It still can leak."

"I am a…peculiar case in Tevinter."

"Only in Tevinter?"

"Touché. The point is, I am no official citizen of the Imperium. But I do have a place of apprentice with a Magister. Eventus is an old mage, second-zone Magister, who just loves to piss the Magisterium off. I saved him from a Qunari ambush few times after his former apprentice – elven too – died. He was impressed by my magic. Impressed enough to judge I would not be enslaved easily. But an elven arcane warrior…Quite a trophy, isn't it? So, if I could not be made slave, I could serve him as his apprentice." Leliana raised an amused brow.

"I understand better why we did not receive threats from Tevinter. The Magisterium was not particularly pleased, I imagine." Mahariel laughed.

"Not the slightest, their faces were priceless when he introduced me! It eventually subsided after some failed attempts on my life. Eventus' charge is not inherited and he is old: I would have been kicked out quickly enough if he was to die and, for the meantime, they hoped to get out of me the training of arcane warrior and his specificities as opposed to Knight Enchanter. You know Tevinter, just love to suck on elven magic."

"A lot of lucky coincidences made your stay in Tevinter possible." Commented Leliana with a knowing look. Mahariel smirked.

"You must have noticed how remarkable my timing always is. Anyway, if we are ready, can we gather the inner circle and be done with it?" Leliana raised an eyebrow. The elf was more unnerved that she was letting see about these stories to forget that. She was about to scope out of the War Room when Leliana grabbed her elbow.

"I do not mean to intrude, but I believe you might want to talk with someone, before the meeting." Mahariel grew blank, eyes wide. Oh shit. Solas. She chuckled, trying to sound light-hearted even if it sounded more nervous.

"Dahn Direlahn." She said to herself. "Thank you. This would have been awkward." Even more than it is going to. Hard to imagine. Leliana tried to smile comfortingly.

"He will understand, Ariel." The white-hair swallowed and bit her bottom lip. She merely gave a nod at the spymaster before heading out of the war room.

She did not talk with him for three days, being quite busy with reports and everything. And still in need of processing what he told her. She peeked into the rotunda only to find no one. She took the stairs to the battlements. His room – finally existing – was in a tower, not far from the one Hawke had invested. She knocked. She heard an irritated grunt before his head appeared through a barely opened door. His features softened for her but he did not open more.

"Vhenan, I'm sorry, could you – "

He got interrupted by a lizard coming out of the room. Mahariel looked at it with raised eyebrows. What the –

"Sera." Declared she with a sigh, not bothering asking the question. She squatted in front of the animal and whispered "Garas alasnatha." The lizard tilted its little green head and took a step towards the hand she stretched to it. She chuckled as he climbed on it. "Vin, ara da'isenatha."

Solas looked at her, surprised. He could do that easily too, but it included wrapping himself with magic. Ancient magic. She had done it without that. The sight of her smiling earnestly at the little animal glancing happily at her was so endearing. He chuckled softly.

"I may actually use your help, you seem quite gifted with those." She turned back to him and shrugged.

"My father is a ranger. He taught me some little tricks."

He nodded, thoughtful about the capacities of rangers, certain it somehow had something magical about it. He let her in and she quickly ended up with three more lizards on her shoulders, standing proudly there. She finally released them on the battlements, asking them not to bother Solas again. She sat on the bed. They had been a welcome distraction but now…

"I actually had to talk to you."

"I'm listening."

She bit her bottom lip again, not sure how to begin. Her teeth dived enough to draw blood. She had to tell him more. But that part…She simply could not. Yet she had to…Leliana was right. She did not want to lose him and he deserved to know this…She stood up abruptly, unable to stay in place and took a deep breath as she began to pace up and down.

"Here is the thing: with the Ball coming, the Inquisition cannot avoid anymore to have an official version about me. And, considering my tattoos have been seen by all in Haven, a story to cover the why." He raised a brow.

"Don't we have a meeting in the late afternoon about that?"

"We have. But…Well…I…Prefer you hear some of this in…Private…Considering…" He closed the distance between them in a stride and put his hands on her shoulders to subside her. He smiled warmly.

"Whatever it is, don't be nervous to tell me, vhenan." She looked up at him and opened her mouth. And closed it. And opened it again until finally the words blurted out of their own will.

"It's an engagement tattoo." His hands dropped from her shoulders with surprise. She resumed quickly "The Crows' one. It's why I got one without being of the Guild…My betrothed was." He paused a second, not expecting that at all. His mind suddenly pieced together the words he heard from both Venicio and Ignacio and his eyes widened with disbelief.

"Ashalan…Murdered his son…You were betrothed to Venicio's son and you killed him." She closed her eyes and swallowed.

"Yes."

"Why?" Was all he could currently ask. She shook her head and sighed.

"It was in 9:38. I had been in Orlais for three years and I got few…Enemies. I was no official member of the Crows. Fellsathan admitted he was not sure the Guild would not turn against me. I was ready to flee, afraid my…Deeds would be held against the Dalish if I was to be discovered."

She paused and closed her eyes a sec before resuming, her voice hardly louder than a whisper.

"He said that he could protect me. I did not listen, I did not believe him. All I know was that, in the all guild, he was the only one who knew my name, my clan name…I freaked out. I did what I had to. Or what I thought I had too. Does not matter now."

Solas examined her face. The pain and the guilt were palpable. She bit her bottom lip yet again, metal taste of blood in her mouth. She looked down, once more scared of his reaction. He had to confess, he had mixed feelings right now. His voice was cold when he spoke up, staying few steps away.

"Do you regret it?"

"I don't know. I…I did not trust him, so…Yes, I regret, but not precisely the outcome. This was my mistake and he paid for it. I shall not have shared that much with him. I was careless."

"But you trusted that he had not share it with the rest of the Guild." Pointed he out.

"I told you, I freaked out. Yes, it does not make sense, but, ultimately, I was right on that." He frowned.

"Did you love him?" Her eyes widened, not ready at all for this question. She should have seen it coming. It was a fair question from him. She pressed her lips together, trying to prevent her eyes from welling up.

"I…I don't have any excuse for what I did, Solas. I used him for protection and when I did not trust him to provide me with that, I killed him. I will answer any questions you want but Venicio was right about me."

He frowned deeper. No, he was not. I saw her expression when she faced him, the endless pain of someone who did a mistake they cannot forgive themselves. He was upset, however. You have no right to be, she killed one man who loved her to protect her People; you condemn all Elvhenan to protect yours. Halam'shivanas. But for his brain understood, a part of him could not help but wonder. Would she be able of that with him too? How was it different now, did she trust him? She kept her eyes low and whispered.

"Ir abelas, vhenan'ara."

She was going to get out of his quarters, her eyes eventually filled with tears. She had never told this story and never thought she would. But she had to tell him, she wanted to tell him. He deserved the truth, even if it meant he will never look at her as he used to – He grabbed her wrist before she was out. She turned shyly her head, fearing to look into his eyes. He whispered back.

"Ma serannas, vhenan."

He was too unsettled to say more, but he wanted to say it at least.

He let his hand drop from her wrist and she took her leave. He closed his eyes, scolding himself for his feelings. How dared he be mad at her? She had kept it to herself, despite their relationship, but how dared him blame her for that? With all he was keeping from her despite their relationship? But yes, he wanted her to be honest, he wanted to know her, to comfort her for every mistake of her past…Even though he denied her the same meanwhile. His first thought had been that she was playing him, but he did not believe it. She always made her best not to lie to him, and only did if she was cornered.

She considered it as a regrettable mistake, the one of a younger elf. He could relate. She was not the same person anymore. Proof being, if she had been ready to do the same today, she would not have stand firmly and without hesitation to Ignacio when they caught him. She could as well have killed Sera, considering she knew too much.

No. He could not know what she was before Fellsathan, but he knew who she was now. If anything, she actually cared too much for her own well-being. He could not help but chuckle bitterly. Wisdom accused him gently of the same, once. Was his pride so high for him to fall for someone alike him in so many ways? She was ready to die to make her mistakes right…Before Haven, she had her own agenda, to walk the Din'anshiral to Antiva in order to do so. Just as he was planning. Except that his mistakes had shaped the whole world.

He could not help but let his thoughts wander to his own secrets. He wanted to tell her, so badly. But he was afraid. How many things could go wrong if she knew? How many of the few remaining Elvhen could be lost for his infatuation? He trusted her, but it was not enough. Not for that. Or he was a coward afraid to lose her if she knew and the only one he was protecting was himself. He winced at the thought. A possibility indeed. How much he wished Wisdom was still here, he could use a friend…

She did not attend the meeting. After all, her presence was not required and she could not bear looks of sympathy from the inner circle. They will figure out too quickly the truth in the story and she did not deserve the sympathy. But she could not bring herself to repeat the tale. The dates there, the contracts of the Crows…All the more things pointing to her true secret. The danger for the whole Inquisition in this piece of information was ever to be known…Damn, the Empress herself would ask for her head, Inquisitor or not.

She started at the knock on the door. It was late and she did not expect anyone. She wanted to be granted an evening of self-beating, was it too much to ask? Still, she raised her voice to let the trespasser in. She was confused to see Solas appear. She had a hard time looking at him in the eyes but she held his gaze as he nodded his greetings.

"Pardon the late hour, the meeting turned longer than I expected and I intended to talk to you." She gave a small smile which did not quite reach her eyes.

"I am relieved you even still talk to me." Solas' brows raised with surprise and he moved to sat in an empty chair.

"I reacted poorly earlier, vhenan. I was not prepared for such tale." She snorted woefully.

"Not my finest hours."

He considered her sadly for a second and gestured for her to come closer. She conformed. A faint giggle escaped her lips as he dragged her on his laps. It earned him a genuine small smile. He smirked in return, capturing her lips in a tender kiss before speaking again.

"We have all been young once, vhenan. You need to forgive yourself for you cannot change what you did."

"I am still young." Retorted she with a hint of playfulness, though, her heart was not at it. She scanned his features a moment. "Did you? Forgive yourself?"

He held her gaze, only half-surprised that this should be her answer. He only remained silent for he did not want to lie to her. She did not know the extent of what he had done, how could he ever forgive himself for that? She sighed and rested her head in the crook of his neck. She kissed lightly his neck, feeling her question filled him with dark thoughts.

"Ir abelas. I did not mean to rub it in."

"I know, vhenan. And I see your point, this is easier to say than to do." He peered down at her, her breath warming his neck. "I did not. But circumstances make me think that perhaps I could. One day."

"Circumstances?"

He raised an amused brow at his circumstance. It was true, he had been unable to forgive himself because he reduced this world to an army of tranquils, so far from what they could be. She was the very proof of how wrong he had been for thinking that. If only the situation of the People was not that bad…He could forgive himself, yes. She blushed slightly and smiled. Her voice dropped again in intensity.

"I never told anyone what happened."

"I cannot say I'm surprised." He pointed out just as low, stroking her hair.

She chuckled faintly, huddling against his chest. She felt her eyelids getting heavy under his gentle touch. She had been so worried of what he could think now, tiredness fell upon her when he put her mind at ease. She yawned softly. He hesitated for a minute as she did not seem to be willing to move. But she was obviously tired and so, he reached for her chin.

"Hamin, vhenan. We shall talk tomorrow." She opened her mouth, intending to say something. She quickly shut it again, teeth trapping her bottom lip. She finally settled for a nod and something safer.

"Ma serannas." He raised a brow.

"For what?"

"Understanding. Again."

She paused and her eyes flicked open as she realized she had not tell him about Tevinter before the meeting. Obviously, Leliana did not intend to share this part but, if even one person in Skyhold knew – make that two with Dorian – if this was to leak…She did not want him to hear these stories from any mouth but hers.

"Solas, there is something else…" A lot of something else. He tilted his head to lock her gaze, feeling her tension coming back.

"Something you are afraid to tell me too."

"Not for the same reasons." She said quickly. "This is about Tevinter."

"Oh." He gave as a mere answer. So, she would tell him after all. "Ara lath, we can talk about it now, but I would prefer for you to take some rest first." His hands slid on her shoulders, squeezing gently. "I wish you would stop being afraid of my reactions."

True enough, he did not want her to worry. It did not mean he was not curious. His investigations had cleared much, but one mystery remained: how did she end up playing undercover agent for the Qun? She bit the inside of her cheek.

"Can we meet in the Fade? Can we talk there?"

He smiled. How willing she was to accept these meetings was remarkable. He leaned in closer to her ear.

"Sleep."

They talked in length about her life in Tevinter once they were in the Fade. She remained rather vague, for she only explained that she ran into a group of Qunari while fleeing, as she mentioned earlier, Orlais to escape the Crows. It was in the plain of Ghislain and, seeing she did some serious damages to the Ben-Hassraths despite her being highly outnumbered, Salit thought she could be useful to replace their now dead elven scouts. She accepted the recognition mission, thinking that her days were counted with the Guild after her. At least, if she was to be discovered, the consequences would then be paid by Par Vollen instead of the People. Not her most well-thought plan, but she took what was offered as better than no plan at all. The recognition mission eventually turned out to be longer than expected. She said that it gave her chances to do some good there, but did not elaborate.

Dahn Direlahn – Idiot

Garas alasnatha – Come, lizard

Vin, ara da'isenatha – Good, little dragon

Hamin – rest

Halam'shivanas – sacrifice of duty

Din'anshiral – path of death

Vhenan'ara – desire of my heart