Content: In which Gabriel gets all protective and Dean and Castiel talk some things out.
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Author's Note: So, another chapter for the day *throws confetti into the air* And since I sincerely doubt I'll get around to upload a new one tomorrow (I've got an early shift from 5 am till 1 pm and afterwards my mother comes over for family Christmas dinner - I'm gonna be totally beat after that ;D), I'm already wishing you a wonderful Christmas Eve (if you're celebrating, of course - if not, I wish you a wonderful Monday :D)!
And thank you again for all your glorious feedback :))
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It doesn't take Castiel very long to spot his brother in the back of the kitchen.
To no one's surprise he's standing right next to the cabinet filled with all sorts of candy. His "emergency stash", as Gabriel likes to call it, most likely enough to cover every single child's need for sweets in Kansas and beyond. He's happily chewing on some chocolate bar while watching his head chef berating some of the kitchen staff not to leave dirty towels lying around on the floor like some sort of heathens.
Castiel glances briefly at the daunted boys, feeling a pang of sympathy since he knows fairly well what it feels like to get a lecture from the chef (once, a while ago, Castiel dared to accidentally knock over a pile of dishes, directing the man's anger promptly to himself and being terrified afterwards to enter the kitchen for months), but he immediately shakes himself out of his reverie and approaches his brother, striding right through the gathering of the kitchen staff like a man on a mission.
"Did you know?" Castiel hisses, leaning into Gabriel's personal space and not giving a damn about his brother's candy breath.
"Did I know what?" Gabriel asks, but he seems playful and cheeky, apparently quite aware what Castiel is getting at.
"Don't play naive," Castiel sighs. "I don't have time for your tiring games."
Gabriel rolls his eyes in an overdramatic fashion. "You mean Jo's little hubby? He's rather fetching, don't you think? Too bad he's taken."
Castiel squints his eyes. "You're taken as well."
"I wasn't talking about me tapping that ass," Gabriel counters, chuckling. "You need some fun once in a while, too, baby bro."
Castiel folds his arms across his chest, eyeing his brother intensely. "You want to continue talking about Jo Harvelle's boyfriend that way while there's a possibility for Kali to walk in on you anytime?"
Gabriel freezes in his movements. It's more than obvious he didn't even think about that. His eyes roam over the room, probably being on the lookout for his intimidating bride.
"Okay, okay, I get it," he concedes eventually. "Sorry for teasing you a bit. It's just that you honestly need to get rid off that stick up your ass."
Castiel scoffs. "My ass is not your concern."
Gabriel laughs aloud. "Fine, have it your way," he says, holding up his hands in mock defeat. "But just for the record, you're always my concern. Big brother burden."
There is still a lot of tease in his voice, but Castiel detects a spark of sincerity as well and he feels the corners of his mouth tug upwards involuntarily.
"Either way, it's a nice surprise that you already know that Dean fella, right?" Gabriel grins. "Probably makes it easier for you to connect with him and all that shit."
Castiel bites his lower lip, ducking his head. "Um …" he says, not really sure how to answer that.
Gabriel tilts his head and studies his brother intently. "It doesn't?" he wonders.
Castiel sighs deeply. "Well, Dean …"
Gabriel's posture straightens all of a sudden and his bright smile turns into a frown instantly. "Wait, did he … did he do something to you in school? Was he some kind of bully or what?" He winces as the thought settles in his mind. "Oh shit, he was, wasn't he? What did he do? Do I have to punch him? Just say the word!"
He's not just joking and it actually warms Castiel's heart a little bit. "What about Kali?"
"If that guy's ever been mean to you, she'll back me up!" Gabriel announces with so much determination that no one would be able to deny his statement. "She loves your baby blues way too much for that. She'd most likely the first in line to kick Dean's balls. Very hard."
Castiel shouldn't smile at the picture of crude violence, but he finds himself doing it anyway. Gabriel and Kali are both fiercely protective of the ones they care about and Castiel can't help feeling honored to be counted in on that as well.
"That's very generous of you and I really appreciate your violent tendencies," Castiel answers, trying for deadpan, but probably looking way too amused. "But it's not necessary. Dean never said a bad word about me."
Gabriel narrows his eyes. "And why are you all fidgety?"
Castiel bites his bottom lip. He can't really explain what's going on inside of him right now. Seeing Dean all of a sudden, without any warning whatsoever – it's been like a cold splash of water right into his face.
"Dean and I … well, we didn't interact very much in high school," Castiel says eventually. "He was –"
The trouble maker. The rebel. The one who pretended not to care for school. The menace of the teachers.
The protector of his little brother. The father figure. The glue that kept them together.
The boy who worked so hard every single day and didn't ask for anything.
Castiel heard a lot of stories about the elder Winchester over the course of his senior year. Most of them had been far too abstruse to be true (at least Castiel seriously didn't believe that Dean's dad was a spy who let his son run a drug cartel by the side), but here and there Castiel caught some glimpses and snippets which offered him a clearer picture of the man Dean Winchester was behind the leather jacket and the give-'em-hell attitude.
Stories about a father more absent than not, leaving his sons fend for themselves for weeks at a time. About the oldest brother forced to pick up every job he could find to scrape some money together. About a boy so proud of his baby brother that he was willing to sacrifice his own chance at college and a career for his sake.
Nobody really talked about these things with Dean directly and Castiel finds himself wondering how aware Dean was about the things people were saying about him back then. Or even now.
"So … he didn't wanna be seen with the school nerd, is that it?" Gabriel asks, his voice a bit sour now. "Like most of these stupid kids of your class?"
"No, it's not that. I – I think I might have said something that offended him," Castiel confesses, lowering his gaze. "I didn't mean to, but …"
He trails off, sighing loudly.
Castiel didn't miss Dean's avoidance tactic back then, right after their encounter at the school parking lot. How he turned the other way as soon as he spotted Castiel in the hallway. He'd already been kind of uncomfortable while he fixed Castiel's car and seemed to be eager to get away as fast as possible. And though Castiel has never been good at reading people, he simply knew that this wasn't the behavior of someone happy to be in the other person's company.
And it hurt.
Castiel had been observing Dean for a time at that point and deemed him worthy to get to know better. There was just something about him – this boy who put up this facade of a rebellious teenager, but deep down proved himself more of a responsible adult than anyone else in their year, maybe even in their whole school – and Castiel felt intrigued. Very much so, actually.
It didn't happen often (and it still doesn't) that he sensed a certain need to get near a person. Come close to them. Learn their likes, their dislikes, their entire life story.
But Dean Winchester – he was one of these exceptions.
And Castiel really hoped to get acquainted with him. To catch at least a small glimpse behind that mask and reveal the real heart and soul hidden underneath the insubordinate attitude.
To understand Dean.
But of course Castiel ruined it all before it even got a chance to begin.
"I can't recall what I said back then that he took the wrong way," Castiel admits. "I didn't even understand it at the time, but almost fifteen years later I have seriously no idea. All I know is that he acted very strange and uncomfortable right now. I don't think he was happy to see me."
It had even been worse than in high school. Dean avoided Castiel's eyes as often as possible and flushed in a way that made it very clear he's been nervous about the whole situation. He probably would have run off like a skittish animal if that wouldn't have lead to more embarrassment.
Sure, their conversation had been pleasant enough and Dean seemed honestly interested what Castiel had to say, but he nonetheless appeared rather tense the whole time.
And Castiel can't help feeling honestly bad about this. Dean had been so kind to repair his car without expecting any reward in return and as a thank you Castiel obviously said or did something to make Dean avoid him for the rest of the year.
"Well, Cassie, you're indeed quite shitty at reading people," Gabriel agrees, nodding and shoving some licorice inside his mouth at the same time. "So it's not impossible that you accidentally insulted his entire family without realizing it. You're better now, with the whole understanding-humanity thing, but as an awkward teenager you were utterly clueless. I'm actually still surprised that no one beat you up in school for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time."
Castiel's shoulder sag at those words. Sadly enough, he can't exactly argue with him on that.
"And granted, I agree with you that Dean-o acted a bit strange running into you all of sudden," Gabriel admits. "I even would say there was some kind of odd tension. But I dunno ..."
He quirks his head from one side to the other as if he's sorting out some fairly difficult issue. "I wouldn't say he was unhappy to see you. Rather a bit …" He licks his lips, obviously savoring every single tidbit of sugar still clinging to it. "I dunno, Cassie, he just went along with your really intense staring and I've never seen anybody do that for more than a few seconds. But that Dean guy – hell, I think he'd have gone on for ages, just like you, if I wouldn't have said anything."
Castiel frowns. He actually didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
"We didn't stare that long," he disagrees.
Gabriel snorts. "Even my taxes didn't take as long as your staring contest."
Castiel folds his arms across the chest. "You're exaggerating."
Gabriel rolls his eyes. "Of course I do," he says. "And I actually don't know what it means either. Maybe Dean is as weird as you are and you found your frigging soulmate."
Castiel is unsure what to make of this. Gabriel usually tends to joke all the time about absolutely everything, even the most serious topics, but right now Castiel detects some sincerity in his voice that is rather surprising.
"You should just talk to the guy," Gabriel suggests. "Clear the air or do some shit grown-up people do in their free time. Because otherwise you'd brood about this the whole freaking weekend and forget the wedding in the process. I can't have my best man being distracted."
It's actually a surprisingly good advice. In high school Castiel didn't dare to approach Dean after watching him flee for the twentieth time because he sincerely didn't know if it would do him any good, but now circumstances are entirely different. It's not like Dean is able to hide in the back of the class room and immediately storm out as soon as the bell rings.
"Talk to him," Castiel repeats. "It sounds simple enough."
And yet it's been a bane to his existence ever since. Talking to people. Connecting with them. Understanding and interpreting their colorful set of emotions.
There is definitely a reason most people think him odd.
"You can do it," Gabriel says, nudging Castiel's shoulder encouragingly. "And if it looks like it's going bad, just stare into his eyes. He seems to dig that."
Castiel groans underneath his breath, but at the same time he feels some strange tingling in his stomach that almost seems pleasant.
Huh.
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Dean feels like he's in high school again.
There are butterflies in his tummy, his anxiety is gripping him tightly and laughing right into his face, and he's already thinking about ways to avoid Castiel and his beautiful, very distracting eyes.
Though he actually doesn't want to avoid Castiel.
Back in school Dean had been insecure and closeted. He didn't know what to make of the feelings that started to blossom all of a sudden and he's been afraid of possible reactions of the people around him. Like his classmates who didn't stop making snarky comments about the girl that came out as a lesbian. Like the jocks that liked to trump each other with their "funny" gay jokes.
And like his dad.
John actually never had said anything bad about homosexual people (neither in the past, nor since the present day), but Dean just couldn't get it out of his head that his father wouldn't approve of a non-straight son. Him being a former Marine and simply a man who enjoyed leather jackets, cars and classic rock, Dean just found himself with assuming the worst. He didn't want to test the theory back then.
But now?
Dean grew up somewhere along the way. Granted, he never actually dated a guy before, but that's more due to the fact that either there wasn't enough attraction involved to dare taking the next step or that the object of Dean's interest turned out to be as straight as an arrow and highly confused by Dean's (admittedly) clumsy flirting attempts. So he never even got to first base with a man and therefor he never bothered to tell his family.
Though nowadays he wasn't really afraid by the prospect of talking with his folks about this. For instance, he wouldn't have called Sam otherwise. And he honestly has no issue with coming out to Bobby who would probably just grunt and tell Dean to do "whatever makes you happy, idjit". Even John, Dean's quite sure of that, is way too concerned about reconciling with his estranged kids to actually make a fuss and risking to lose what he tentatively tried to fix the last few years.
So yes, Dean has no real reason to avoid Castiel and the feelings that are obviously very much alive inside his chest.
Apart from the fact that Castiel is still utterly gorgeous and absolutely convinced that Dean is in a loving relationship with a woman.
Yeah, that sucks big time.
The last fifteen years, whenever he thought of pursuing something with a guy – a hookup, a date, or just a freaking kiss –, Castiel always came to his mind. Dean repeatedly told himself that Castiel was the one man that slipped through his fingers and if he ever would consider taking the next step with a guy, it would be him.
The beautiful and weird nerd.
Life really sucks.
What the hell is he supposed to do now? Sam is entirely right, he can't just tell Castiel that he whole lovey-dovey relationship with Jo is totally a fake, so please keep it to yourself and lie to your relatives about this. Castiel probably would simply look at him funny and try to avoid Dean for the next four days.
And that just can't happen!
There is no freaking chance in hell that Dean will miss his chance once again.
"You're not gonna mess this up, Winchester," he mumbles to himself as he walks down the long hallway. "You'll make this right. You'll talk to him, be all charming and stop being a nervous breakdown."
Of course Dean first has to find Castiel.
Which, considering the sheer size of this place, doesn't seem easy at all.
Dean vaguely recalls the way they came before and he remembers the corner where the smell of food hit him, indicating that the kitchen must have been nearby. But that's about it. Every painting on the wall looks the same and he finds himself at a loss rather soon.
Dammit, they really should have handed out some kind of road map for this frigging maze beforehand.
At least it takes Dean an embarrassingly long time to locate a staircase that looks vaguely familiar and finally arrive on the first floor. He sighs in relief, especially when he hears some voices talking nearby.
Maybe someone will be able to show him the way before he's forced to climb out a damned window or something. He's not eager to lose his dignity on his very first day here.
So he heads toward the voices.
And suddenly finds himself face to face with Castiel once again.
Dean comes to a screeching halt right there in the hallway, trying desperately not to bump into the guy's chest and maybe knock him onto the floor while simultaneously attempting to get the flush on his cheeks under control.
"Uh, hey, Cas," he says awkwardly, rubbing his neck.
Castiel's eyes crinkle when he smiles. "Hello, Dean."
Jeez, did his voice get even deeper in the last twenty minutes? It seems utterly unreal.
"Um, I was –" Dean gesticulates, hoping against all odds that his random arm waves make any kind of sense. "I was just, well –"
Looking for you.
"Trying not to get lost?" Castiel helps out, amused. "It's indeed a very big house."
Dean chuckles nervously. "Yeah, it's a bit confusing. I'm not really sure I'll be able to find my room again."
Castiel nods in understanding. "As a child I got lost constantly. Like I said, I only spent my summers here, so over the course of the rest of the year I forgot everything I learned before. I still sometimes find myself in a some unfamiliar hallway, wondering where the hell I am."
Dean tries for a smile because that would be the appropriate response to such a remark, but he can't make his muscle agree with this plan. He feels tense all over and even blinking seems like a hardship right now.
It's apparently so bad that even Castiel, the worst judge of character Dean ever met, is able to catch up on that.
"Are you alright, Dean?" he asks, sincere concern in his voice. He even takes a step closer and reaches out like he's about to touch Dean's wrist in order to comfort him.
And Dean can't help flinching since he won't be capable of controlling his stupidly obvious blush if Cas would start touching him of all things!
Unfortunately Castiel takes it the wrong way – because how could he not? – and hastily shies away, his expression turning into something so sorrowful Dean is barely able to comprehend it.
"I'm making you uncomfortable, don't I?" Castiel asks, his voice almost a whisper and yet so loud Dean feels like his ears are ringing.
Shit.
"No, Cas, really –" Dean hurries to reassure.
"It's okay, Dean," Castiel cuts him off, a tentative smile on his lips. "You didn't expect to meet me here and you seriously shouldn't be forced to spend your time with me."
Dean blinks.
Forced?
"I mean, you already avoided me back in high school," Castiel continues, his tone strained, although he's evidently attempting to make it sound somewhat normal. "I'm not sure why exactly, but I can presume that I said something to offend you. I'm doing that a lot – telling people things they don't take very well."
Yeah, Dean recalls that quite vividly. For instance when Castiel bluntly advised their English teacher that she should read Shakespeare again because she certainly didn't get the author's point.
Castiel never learned when to shut up and keep his thoughts to himself.
And that special trait might be the most endearing thing about him, at least from Dean's point of view.
Castiel simply announces to the whole world what's on his mind and Dean never could get enough of that.
"I don't know what I said to make you distance yourself from me," Castiel points out, "but I can assure you that I never meant to hurt or embarrass you in any way. You've been so kind to fix my car without expecting any kind of payment and I didn't –"
"No, Cas, you've got it all wrong!" Dean interjects. He can't have Castiel beating himself up about something that just isn't true to begin with. "It wasn't you, it was me!"
Damn, Dean seriously hates his younger self right now. Of course he noticed Castiel's sad looks back in school and it was naturally fair to assume that Castiel thought he himself was to blame for this, but instead of manning up and facing his fears, Dean hid like a freaking coward.
God, he's been such an idiot!
"I was stupid," Dean says with emphasis. "I was this stupid and angry kid that avoided everyone! I was so caught up with my own problems I figured I didn't need any friends to 'waste' my 'limited and very precious' time. I … it wasn't your fault, Cas. And I'm so sorry that I made you feel bad about the whole thing."
Castiel's demeanor gentles a bit and once again he hesitantly tries to touch Dean's arm in a probably reassuring manner. This time Dean commands every single muscle in his body to behave and not get startled by the light touch.
And when he eventually succeeds, Castiel warm smile is reward enough.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Dean confesses. "I'm so sorry about that, you have no idea. You were this nice kid and I totally could have seen us becoming kinda friends someday, maybe, I guess … But Teenage Me was just so –"
Dumb.
Narrow-minded.
Unable to recognize that a good thing had entered his life.
"Overwhelmed," Castiel, however, answers. Dean can't help staring at him in confusion and Castiel calmly explains, "There were rumors in school, about your situation at home. I don't expect you to comment on it, it's your own business and no one else's, but if even a fraction of what people were talking about you has been true, then I can really understand why you acted the way you did. It must have been hard."
For a while Dean's simply got no idea how to respond to that.
He merely stares at Castiel, most likely thousand different emotion flickering over his features, and Castiel seems to be rather content to just stare back and give Dean all the time he needs to collect his thoughts.
Yeah, it's official: Castiel is still way too good for him.
"I would have liked to become your friend," Castiel eventually breaks the silence between them, offering Dean a soft smile.
Dean finds himself nodding in agreement. "I would have liked to become your friend, too."
Castiel steps closer, his hand squeezing Deans arm slightly. "It's not too late to change that, don't you think?"
Dean wonders for a moment if this is just a dream. "Um …" For several seconds his mind is completely blank and he probably looks like a moron, frozen on the spot, but eventually he manages to pull himself out of his tumbling thoughts. "I guess … that could be arranged?"
Castiel grins. "Great. It seems like this wedding won't be as awful as I originally thought."
Dean huffs a laugh, feeling most of the tension draining out of his muscles.
He couldn't have agreed more to that.