Content: In which Dean and Castiel get closer and Dean makes a decision.
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Author's Note: Thank you SO MUCH for all your feedback, guys! I'm thrilled you're enjoying my story that much :)
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The following day promises to become busy.
It starts pleasant enough with a quiet breakfast, just Castiel, Dean and Emma. Castiel enjoys their company immensely and listens attentively to Emma's story about their neighbor's cat who tends to sneak into other people's apartments when no one is looking and sleep on everyone's beds.
Now and then Castiel finds his gaze drifting toward Dean, recalling the incident from the night before quite vividly and trying to make sense out of it. He's actually been doing that since he went to bed the day before and he hasn't come close to a proper answer yet.
However, he doesn't get much time to dwell on that because the better part of the wedding party is about to arrive that day. Castiel actually didn't expect to be overly involved in the whole process, but soon enough he's whisked away by a stressed looking Gabriel and thrown right into the middle of countless of people emerging out of nothing.
Thankfully most of them are content enough with Castiel offering them a smile and directions to their rooms, but then they are people like Balthazar who demand all of Castiel's attention. And though Castiel loves his cousin, he simply gets obnoxious in higher doses.
"Looking good there, Cas," Balthazar greets him cheerfully as he exists his flashy car. "Getting any bridesmaids laid yet?"
It goes on like that for almost an hour.
Or even longer.
At some point Castiel loses the ability to tell time.
It feels like an eternity when he's finally capable of retreating to a quiet corner for a moment. Funnily enough his feet automatically carry him to the small veranda where Emma and he danced last night.
He smiles at the memory as he sits down on the bench and immediately hears the music humming in his head again. He wonders if she will up for a proper dance with him at the wedding.
He sure hopes so.
He tries to picture it, Emma in a beautiful dress, her hair all wonderfully done, and both of them swaying over the dance floor. People watching them, their expressions soft.
And Dean …
Dean would probably look at them the same way he did before. Fond. Caring. Loving.
And it would drive Castiel crazy once more.
He put all his effort into not thinking about Dean since it happened, telling himself over and over that he shouldn't over-analyze the night before, Dean's open and affectionate look when he watched Castiel and Emma together, but it seems to be futile. As soon as he found himself letting his mind wander for even a split second, Dean's features, so soft and tender, instantly appeared right in front of his eyes.
His brain obviously refuses to let it go like that.
And he has no idea how to deal with this. Is a friend seriously supposed to look at another friend like that? Does it mean anything? Or does it not?
And, more importantly, what about Castiel's heart, leaping and somersaulting in his chest? Is that allowed to happen? What do you do about that?
Ignore it?
Talk about it?
And if yes, with whom?
Castiel groans. Why does human interactions just have to be so freaking complicated?
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Castiel doesn't know how much time passed with brooding over his very confusing feelings, but when suddenly a pair of shoes appears in his line of sight and he realizes instantly that they belong to Dean without even looking up, he can't help wondering if he somehow drew Dean in by nonstop thinking about him.
He certainly heard more insane theories.
Castiel raises his head, meeting Dean's gaze. The other man is smiling at him, his eyes twinkling as though he's unbelievably happy to have found Castiel.
"There you are," Dean says. "I was afraid I'd never see you again."
Despite the circumstances Castiel frowns. "Why would you never see me again? I'm the best man, you'd surely meet me at the wedding at the latest."
Dean's expression merely softens as he studies Castiel intently.
And Castiel fights back the urge to squirm awkwardly. "Where is Emma?" he asks instead since that seems a safer route than anything else.
Dean chuckles amused as he sits down next to Castiel. "I see how it is. People left and right fall in love with my daughter and suddenly I'm unimportant."
Castiel senses heat crawling up his neck. "I didn't mean –"
Dean waves him off good-naturedly. "Oh, don't worry, man, it's okay. Emma's freaking adorable, I don't blame you."
"She's got that from her father," Castiel suddenly hears himself saying to his own horror.
Dean blinks a few times, clearly astonished by Castiel's forwardness, but in the end he gifts Castiel with the most blinding smile, making it all worth it. "Well, well, look at you. Such a sweet talker. You wanna make me blush here, Cas?"
Yes, Castiel thinks to himself, but thankfully doesn't voice because he seemingly has some common sense left. Instead he says, "I was just wondering if you didn't lose her to the horses already."
Something flickers over Dean's face that almost looks like disappointment (had he been expecting a different response?), but it's gone before Castiel is able to interpret it in any way, replaced by a grin. "Nah, not yet. She's with Jo, doing girl things, I suppose. Though she's been asking about you a lot since you abandoned us after breakfast."
Dean sounds nonchalant about it, not a single hint of accusation in his voice, however, Castiel can't help feeling guilty nonetheless. He actually thought the organization of getting the new arrivals settled in wouldn't take that much of his time.
"I'm very sorry about that," he states, meaning every word of it.
Dean straightens immediately. "Oh no, man, don't worry. I was only joking. I know you're busy right now."
Castiel heaves a deep sigh. "I wish I wasn't."
"Yeah, I've seen all those people arrive," Dean says with sympathy. "Seems like Gabriel invited the whole country, huh?"
Castiel shuts his eyes for a moment. "Definitely feels like it."
Dean hums quietly. "If you need a place to hide, you can always come to me," he offers, his tone teasing, yet filled with a surprising spark of genuineness as well. "I'll protect you from all these evil party animals."
Castiel laughs outright and can't help a feeling of rightness when he noticed Dean looking all kinds of proud of himself. "My hero."
Dean smirks, a faint pink tinging his cheeks. "Always happy to help."
There is something warm pressing within Castiel's chest hearing the soft waver in Dean's voice. "That's very generous of you, but I'm afraid there is no escape. Only a severed limb or death will get me out of that bachelor party tonight." He hesitates for a second, his forehead crinkled in thought before he adds, "No, scratch that. Only death could save me."
Dean squeezes his shoulder tightly. "Sorry, buddy."
Castiel unconsciously leans into the touch, his strained muscles loosening up a little. "I seriously don't know why Gabriel insisted on having his bachelor party on the night before his wedding. Kali had hers two weeks ago, her hangover was so bad she didn't leave the bed the entire weekend."
Castiel can't imagine this ending any better this time. Granted, Gabriel already had some gathering with his friends less than a month ago to "let off some steam and get it out of the system", even calling the entire night "pre bachelor party", but for some reason he claimed an urgent need for "the real deal" right before the wedding on top of that as well. He promised himself – and especially Kali – that the actual bachelor party would be much tamer in comparison, but Castiel has a hard time believing that.
"It probably won't be so bad," Dean says. "Kali would rip your brother's head off if he'd drink himself into a coma or something."
Bless his innocent heart, but Dean apparently has no idea about Gabriel's alcohol limit. "Oh, believe me, it will be bad."
Dean winces as though the mere thought is causing him pain. "I'm really sorry I can't come with you."
Castiel lifts an eyebrow. "You would have liked to participate?"
Dean scrunches up his nose. "Liked? On no, not a chance! My partying days are far behind me and Gabriel and his crowd look like too much trouble anyway." He inches a bit closer. "I just figured I could've been your moral support or something. Us sitting in a corner talking about puppies and TV shows while those crazy bastards drink themselves into oblivion."
Castiel has to admit it does sound rather nice. At least much more preferable than having to endure his brother and the rest of his lively gang all by himself.
Gabriel even asked Dean along the other day, picturing the more the merrier, but Dean had to decline in favor of Emma. He doesn't feel comfortable with leaving her in a place she's still more or less unfamiliar with and Castiel can certainly relate and would never dare to convince him otherwise.
But still, the evening would have been much more enjoyable with Dean around.
"It's probably for the better," Castiel sighs. "Gabriel tends to become very enthusiastic. The last time I was forced to attend such an event he basically threw a stripper onto my lap, told me to enjoy it and taped the whole experience."
Dean grimaces. "I guess you didn't enjoy it, right?"
Castiel's lips twitch upwards. Though it had been humiliating and awkward at the time, he's kind of able to laugh about it now. "You should have seen my face. Ask Gabriel about the video, I'm sure he will be eager to show it to you."
Dean quirks his head to one side. "I hope your brother at least tipped that girl properly for … uh, being all over you."
There is an odd waver in his tone Castiel's incapable of identifying.
"It was a man actually," Castiel corrects casually. "And he was very nice, I have to say. Saving money to do his masters in anthropology."
Sure, their conversation had been a bit unusual with the guy writhing on his lap and bending his body in ways Castiel didn't even think possible, but it sure as hell turned out a memory worth keeping.
Dean's expression, however, changes into something unreadable after hearing those words. "Uh, a guy?"
He seems tense all of a sudden while blinking his eyes rapidly. Castiel has no idea what to make of this.
So he simply answers, "Yes," since he's not really sure what the right response to this reaction might be.
Dean starts to fidget, dropping his gaze as if he's suddenly unable to meet Castiel's eyes. "Did … did Gabe do that as a, um, joke … or –?"
An uncomfortable feeling begins to settle in Castiel's stomach as he watches his friend getting flustered. Does that mean …?
"Is that a problem for you?" Castiel wonders, his voice low. Dean certainly taught his daughter to accept any kind of love, but that still doesn't mean that he would be fully relaxed with having to deal with the real thing. "I don't necessarily focus on the gender, so I don't really care either way. But if this is troubling you –"
Dean's head snaps upwards right away, his eyes widened. "No, no, no!" he hurries to reassure, panic glinting in his features. "Of course that's not a problem! No, no, please –"
He grabs Castiel's hand, probably more out of reflex than anything else, and squeezes it tightly. "There is no problem here! None at all! I didn't mean –"
The touch of Dean's skin is warm and soft and Castiel finds himself smiling without further ado. "It's alright, Dean."
"I really didn't mean it like that," Dean says once again with emphasis, sounding almost pleading. "I just … I was surprised, I guess. We didn't really talk about, uh, that."
Well, Castiel can hardly blame him, if he's being honest. He doesn't like talking about his romantic past, mainly because there is nothing much to tell. He never had a long, meaningful relationship, he's never been in love, as far as he can tell (at least he never felt like all these people described the sensation in love songs), and altogether it's depressing to even think about too closely.
So Castiel tends to avoid the topic as best as possible.
"You're right," he agrees. "My apologies. I don't … well, it's nothing very exciting to tell."
"But you can. Tell me, I mean." Dean's smile is a bit lopsided, but genuine nonetheless. "Whatever is on your mind."
Castiel's heart seizes hearing those words. "That is very kind of you."
"And … I seriously don't have a problem with it or anything," Dean clarifies once again, chewing his lips nervously. "Actually that would be highly hypocritical of me, to be honest. Because I'm not –"
He makes some very vague hand gestures, probably hoping that Castiel would understand their meaning.
But unfortunately Castiel can't do him that favor. "Because you're not what?"
Dean takes a rather deep breath and scans their near vicinity for a moment before he finally leans in and answers, "Because I'm not entirely straight either."
Castiel feels his eyebrows lift to his hairline on their own volition. Granted, he learned long ago not to judge a book by its cover and it's mostly impossible to determine someone's sexual orientation just by looking at them, but he honestly didn't expect Dean to say something like that.
Well, a small part of Castiel had hoped … for whatever reason.
But he didn't anticipate to actually hear those words.
"You're not?" Castiel tries not to sound as surprised as he feels, though it's a challenge, as he notices.
Dean ducks his head. "Um … not really," he confesses, his voice so low as if he fears someone might overhear. "I mean, nothing ever happened … with a guy, I mean …"
He trails off, obviously unsure how to proceed.
Castiel squeezes Dean's fingers who are still wrapped around his. "That doesn't matter. Even if you have ever been with women in the past and will be so in the future, that doesn't define your preferences."
Dean watches their interlaced fingers with a scrutiny like there is nothing more important right now. "I guess I'm bisexual then. Though I've never said that term out loud before."
Castiel finds himself rubbing his thumb gently over Dean's skin. "I presume not many people know about this?"
"Only Sam, actually," Dean admits with a nervous laugh. "Kinda at least. I told him about this major crush I had on a guy in high school –"
And then he gasped, his eyes widening in shock. He obviously hadn't intended to offer that information.
Castiel can't help some curiosity blooming inside of him. He recalls their high school time and tries to picture the faces of all their male classmates Dean might have had romantic feelings for. There were a few rather fine specimen Castiel can imagine his friend getting interested in and he's on the verge of saying the names of a few potential candidates while watching Dean's reaction, but he refrains from it as he watches Dean getting more flustered by the second.
The topic seems apparently highly uncomfortable for him and Castiel can respect that by ignoring it completely.
And, if he's being honest himself, he kind of doesn't really want to know the name of this boy anyway. His stomach tightens painfully even thinking about that.
"I really appreciate you telling me this," Castiel says instead, smiling encouragingly at Dean. "I know it can be hard vocalizing something like this and I'm actually honored you think me worthy enough to know about it."
Dean mumbles something underneath his breath, but still doesn't meet Castiel's eyes.
"But may I ask, why me?" Castiel wonders. "We're not that close of friends yet."
Dean shrugs, probably trying for casually and totally missing it. "Well, you seem to know how this might feel like," he explains carefully. "I mean, the more-than-one-gender gist and everything." He takes a heavy breath. "And, I dunno … I trust you. It seemed only logical to me to tell you."
Castiel feels his heart swell. There are most likely a lot of people in Dean's life very important to him – Castiel heard a lot of stories about his best friend Benny or that quirky girl Charlie and of course not to mention Dean's girlfriend herself –, but for some reason Dean chose Castiel above anyone else.
It feels very nice.
"Your generous offer applies to you as well then," Castiel says. "You can talk to me anytime. About whatever is on your mind."
Dean darts a smile in his direction, small and hesitant, yet beautiful. "Thanks, Cas."
They fall silent after that, simply looking at each other and for some reason still holding hands. Dean doesn't seem very keen on sharing anymore vital details of his life for now, but instead enjoys just looking at Castiel with an expression that is just as puzzling for Castiel as it had been the night before. He can't help remembering Gabriel's teasing comment about how they both tend to stare at each other way longer than necessary and Castiel finds himself wondering now what this might mean.
And then someone in the distance calls his name and the moment is broken.
Dean clears his throat awkwardly and detaches their hands, Castiel instantly mourning their loss. "It seems like your presence is requested once again."
Castiel groans loudly. "It seems like no one is able to get anything done without me apparently."
Dean chuckles. "Well, you're indeed very important."
Castiel fixes his eyes on him once more, ignoring the person in the background – which sounds suspiciously like Balthazar – calling him over and over. "I'm sorry for the interruption. I can tell him to go to hell if you want me to."
"No, it's okay," Dean answers, smirking now. "I actually remembered that I promised to call Sammy anyway, so …"
Castiel nods. "Alright," he says. "But how about we meet at the stables before I have to go to that damned bachelor party? I can give Emma some beginner's riding lessons. Just make sure she wears some pants instead of her adorable summer dresses."
Dean smiles gently at that, his whole face transforming. "She is really cute in those, right? I keep buying them for her without her prompting me to, she just looks so adorable."
A wonderful warmth presses within Castiel's chest seeing a father gushing over his little daughter in such a way. "I can totally relate," he agrees. "So what do you say? Do you think Emma would like that?"
"She'd love that," Dean states. "But are you sure you have the time? I mean –" He points in the direction where Balthazar's voice is coming from, still annoyingly persistent.
"Don't worry," Castiel assures. "Spending time with you and Emma will be the highlight of my day, so I most certainly won't miss that for the world."
Dean's eyes widen a bit before his cheeks start to tinge pink. "Uh … well, how about you shoot me a quick text when you're done with … um, whatever?"
"You can count on that," Castiel promises. "And it won't take too long, I'll make sure of that."
He leaps to his feet and offers Dean one last smile before he runs off to kill Balthazar.
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"There are tingling feelings!"
"Uh …"
Sam sounds fairly confused, his gigantic forehead probably wrinkled right now as he presses his phone to his ear and most likely wonders whether he missed something important here.
"Lots and lots of them!" Dean continues, a bright smile spreading over his face. "All the fucking tingling feelings you can think of!"
"Um … what?"
"You told me to figure out for myself if there are some tingling feelings. With Cas."
Sam still keeps quiet for a moment, evidently taking his time to process that his brother decided to jump him like that out of the blue instead of starting with a nice and simple, "Hello, how are you?" first.
But eventually, after some evaluation, he finally breaths, "Ooh …"
There is genuine surprise in his tone. Despite the last time they spoke on the phone, with Dean freaking out over meeting Castiel unexpectedly and practically spilling his beans about his major crush, Sam apparently didn't really believe that something huge might come out of this.
"You … you sure?" he asks tentatively.
Dean scoffs. "Do you really think I'd tell you if I weren't?"
There's not a single doubt in his mind anymore. So many factors are playing their part in this – not just Castiel's smile which started the whole thing back in high school but so much more now – and it fits together perfectly.
"Well, no," Sam says, still sounding hesitant. "But sometimes … well, you tend to make some stupid jokes –"
"This is not a joke!" Dean cuts in sharply.
"Yeah, I'm getting that now," Sam caves, followed by a nervous chuckle. "So you're saying …?"
"Teenage Dean was seriously onto something!" Dean says. "I mean, it's been the looks that got me curious first. Cas is just so stupidly gorgeous, now more than ever, and really frigging hot. He'd look really good in my bed."
Dean makes an approving noise as he dares to imagine it for a second. All the smooth skin on display, his legs tangled in Dean's sheets, his smile wide and carefree, the sun falling through the window and making him appear almost angelic …
Yes, it's a very nice picture.
"But it's more than that," Dean goes on. "He's witty and smart and so damned blunt most people don't know what to do with it. I mean, you should've seen Ethan's face when Castiel basically called him a cockroach."
Still one of the most amazing moments in his entire life. It's quite a shame he didn't think about recording it to revel in it over and over again later on.
"And – I don't know, I just got this feeling, like it's right." Dean sighs. "I trust him. I actually just told him that I'm bisexual and apart from you no one knows about that."
Sam clears his throat. "So … you're bisexual?"
Dean rolls his eyes. "I'm literally just mooning over a guy here? What do you think?"
There is some noises on the other end of the line, Sam most likely squirming around uncomfortably. "Well, I mean, sometimes even straight men – uh, have that one exception …"
Dean's on the verge of snorting, but then he recalls that based on the information he gave Sam the other day it's actually fair to assume such a thing.
"There were some other guys," he confesses after a moment of consideration. "Nothing ever happened, but … well, I often found myself imagining it, y'know? Don't get me wrong, Cas is still the sun next to some tiny, unremarkable stars, but he isn't the only one."
Sam keeps quiet for a while after that and though Dean feels the urge to nudge him and demand some kind of reaction, he stays down. It isn't exactly everyday news and Sam deserves a minute or two to adjust to it.
And then he blurts out, "God, I should've known!"
Dean smiles softly at that. "It's not like I paraded it or something."
"But – Dr. Sexy!" Sam groans, like he's hit by a grand revelation. "Your stupid crush was so fucking large even Dad saw it and he's usually the densest guy ever in that department."
Dean feels a blush coming his way. "It wasn't that bad …"
"And when we met Gunner Lawless last year …" Sam actually starts to laugh now. "I seriously thought you'd pass out when he talked to you. I've never seen you so flustered before, apart from –"
"Sam!"
"Oh God, Dad's Marine buddy, right? Robert or something."
"Richard," Dean corrects automatically and flushes right away.
Sam lets out a loud laugh. "You always got so red and shy around him, especially when he showed up in his uniform. Then you couldn't take your eyes off him."
Dean feels suddenly very hot only thinking about that. It's been shortly after graduation when Richard began to show up around the house more often and Dean had been very confused after the previous year of crushing on Castiel nearly nonstop. Richard was tall and handsome and that uniform did something to Dean he didn't dare to elaborate for the sake of his own sanity.
"I always figured that you, I dunno, were considering joining the Marines just like Dad or whatever, and that's why you took such an interest in Richard," Sam continues, "but damn, you actually got all worked up by –"
"Yeah, alright!" Dean interrupts harshly. "So what? I got a little crush on an older guy, no big deal. The same happened to you and Mrs. Donahue from next door, so don't get all condescending about it, okay?"
"I'm not condescending," Sam counters right away, his voice much warmer now. "I'm just realizing how blind I've been. I'm really sorry for not noticing before."
Dean feels the anger drain out of his body just like that. "It's not like I wanted you to notice or anything."
Sam huffs a laugh and stays quiet for a moment, most likely wrapping his head around the news. "But I'm glad you're telling me now."
Dean can't fight a warm smile. He didn't expect anything else, but it still feels nice hearing it.
"And I'm proud of you," Sam adds. "I know you're probably just rolling your eyes right now –" Busted! "– but I have to say it nonetheless. You sound … happy."
Yeah, you can most definitely say that.
Dean would've thought he'd freak out after such a revelation in his freaking thirties, but damn, it feels kinda awesome. Speaking freely about this, being so sure – it seems liberating.
"So … you and Cas …?"
There's the brotherly teasing tone now and surprisingly enough Dean actually loves hearing it right now.
"He's … well, next to the usual things he makes me picture all the stuff I normally don't really think about," Dean admits. "Like, domestic stuff."
Sam snickers. "Domestic stuff?"
Dean chews his lips. "I dunno. Waking up together, making breakfast, taking Emma to school. That kind of stuff."
Sam's nod is almost audible through the phone. "I see. The most important stuff."
"It's just … he's so great with Emma, you have no idea!" Dean states. "Yesterday they were frigging dancing with each other and I think my internal organs fucking liquefied at the sight of that."
Dean's incapable of getting that picture out of his head. He even dreamed about it and his heart was swelling so much the whole time Dean's actually baffled it didn't jump out of his ribcage at some point.
"I wanna tell Cas."
Dean almost hears Sam's eyebrows raising. "That you're thinking about domestic stuff?"
"No," Dean counters, shaking his head vigorously at the mere thought. It's way too early for this. "Not that, bitch."
"Then what, jerk?" Sam sounds way too cheerfully about the whole thing.
"I meant I wanna tell him the truth. About Jo and me."
Sam inhales sharply. "You think Jo will be thrilled about that?"
Dean scoffs. "No, not at all. But it's the right thing to do." He bites his bottom lip. "I mean, I'm gonna be on a road trip for two weeks after the wedding. I can't wait that long, but I don't just wanna call him on the road and say 'Oh, hey, by the way, my relationship with Jo was totally fake and I'm perfectly single, see ya soon!'." Dean shudders at the mere thought. "No, I'm gonna need to do that face to face. I owe him that much."
"I get it," Sam agrees. "You think he'll be mad?"
Dean squirms. He can't be entirely sure about that one. Castiel is the most honest guy in existence and he's probably not gonna be happy about being lied to, but on the other hand he declared Ethan an "assbutt" himself, so he might at least understand the reason behind this whole freaking charade.
Maybe.
"I dunno," Dean admits, sighing. "But waiting any longer won't make that better."
He really hopes Castiel will ultimately be okay with everything.
Because Dean has no idea what to do if this would go the wrong way.
