Content: In which Dean confesses some things.
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Author's Note: I've probably said it like a million times already, but you're awesome and I love you :D
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"Dean, it's time!"
Jo's voice sounds through their room way too loudly, like a frigging hurricane on crack, merely a split second after Dean walked through the door and shut it behind him.
Dean closes his eyes for a moment and groans inwardly. He actually intended to retrieve here in the hopes for some peace and quiet, far away from sleeky ex-boyfriends, but obviously found the opposite instead.
Figures.
Why the hell are people unable to leave him alone for a bit?
Is that seriously too much to ask?
Dean grumbles impressively (Bobby would've been proud) and turns toward Jo to give her a piece of his mind, but any harsh words get stuck in his throat as his eyes land on his friend for the first time.
At some point since the last time they saw each other Jo changed into her wedding outfit and apparently already got her make-up and hair done as well. She appears more than ready to walk down the aisles and see some other people getting married.
And dammit all to hell, she looks beautiful!
Since the dawn of time Dean had only ever seen her in regular and casual clothes. Jeans, shirts, sweaters. Mostly still feminine and formfitting, but all the same far from the fashion style of most women Dean knew. She didn't bother with skirts or high heels, actually rolled her eyes when anyone would suggest she should try something new, and Dean would have never thought in a million years that this would ever change.
But here they are now.
And Dean is speechless.
Jo is wrapped in a long and slender dress, lavender from top to bottom, and she looks like a freaking Disney princess. Dean certainly wouldn't have been surprised if some little birds would've popped up from somewhere, chirping a cheesy song.
"So, what do you think?" Jo's smile is bright, though there is some uncertainty swinging in her tone as well. She seriously doesn't seem to be entirely sure what Dean's reaction is going to be.
So Dean takes the edge away by pulling her into a heartfelt embrace. "Everyone at this freaking wedding will envy me."
Jo's strained muscles relax under Dean's touch. "You think?"
"You look amazing!" he emphasizes. "Nobody will be able to take their eyes off you. I most definitely won't."
Jo squeezes him before answering, "Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I've got very strong competition."
She nods toward the bathroom and Dean spots Emma standing there at the doorway, watching the adults with a happy smile on her face.
After pressing a quick kiss onto Jo's temple he instantly strides toward his daughter and picks her up, ignoring her giggled protests while she simultaneously wraps her little arms around his neck and presses closer.
"Am I pretty, too, Daddy?" she asks.
Jo obviously already prepared her for the wedding as well, the yellow dress they picked out for her fitting her perfectly. Dean makes sure not to squish her too hard or mess up the beautiful flowers that have been woven into her hair.
"You're the prettiest," Dean says softly. "I'm the luckiest man alive for having you in my life."
Emma presses her face into his cheek, a slight blush starting to form. "Love you, too."
Dean's heart swells at least two sizes and once again he's so freaking grateful he decided to take this trip. He feels more connected with his baby girl than ever, Jo will owe him for eternity and he met Castiel again, an occurrence he never really thought possible.
His life looks really great for a change.
"So, Winchester, like I said before: It's time!" Jo's booming voice jerks him out of his reverie.
He turns toward her, suspicion rising.
Maybe his life is not that great after all.
Jo grins smugly. "Look at Emma and me," she says. "We're ready to party. And you know what that means, right?"
Dean sighs.
Unfortunately he does know that.
"Monkey suits!" Emma squeals into his ear.
Well, the things you do for the people you love.
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The thing is, Castiel is not avoiding Dean.
He is not!
There just has to be thousand things to be done before the wedding and Castiel has barely any time to breath, not to mention spend some quality time with his friend while the memory of the earlier conversation between him and that vile ex-boyfriend is playing in Castiel's head on repeat, like an endless record.
He seriously doesn't have any nerves for this.
So instead he focuses on wedding tasks (even makes a few up since the wedding planner is actually super efficient and there isn't as much to be done as Castiel thought/hoped) and tries to stay busy like a bee.
And sometimes, when he catches a glance of Dean in the corner of his eyes, he walks into the opposite direction.
Because of reasons.
Not avoidance, of course, since Castiel isn't doing that.
Not at all.
Okay, maybe a little bit.
But honestly, he doesn't want to talk about Ethan and allegedly flirty text messages and how much in love Dean is with Jo and how absolutely ridiculous it is that anyone might presume Dean and Castiel could be anything else than good friends –
So yes, avoidance it is.
Castiel has no time to deal with his conflicting and very confusing feelings right now. Or ever.
Eventually, though, a Winchester actually finds him.
"Cas!" Emma exclaims excitedly as soon as she spots him. Her whole face lights up like a Christmas tree and she immediately rushes toward him.
Castiel can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. He's unable to remember if there's ever been a human being who has been so freaking delighted to see him and it warms his heart looking at her adorable face and realizing that the feeling is mutual.
"Emma," he greets her gently. "Look at you!"
She's obviously already dressed for the wedding, her beautiful dress a light yellow that matches wonderfully with her hair and skin tone. She's a sight to behold, that's for sure.
"You like it?" she asks, appearing a bit shy now as she bites her lips and awaits Castiel's answer. "Daddy got it for me."
Castiel's chest constricts even more at the mental picture of Dean taking his little princess shopping and being unable to deny her any wishes. Castiel can imagine it would be nearly impossible to tell her no, especially when she looks as magnificent as she does now.
"You're the prettiest girl I have ever met," Castiel says solemnly, meaning every single word.
Emma beams like she just received the highest praise. "Thank you! And you're very pretty, too."
Castiel chuckles as he pulls at the sleeves of his suit. It's nothing fancy, yet expensive enough to make him fit into this extravagant wedding without people looking at him funny.
"Thank you," he answers. "That's very nice of you to say."
He finds his gaze wandering around, checking their near vicinity for any signs of Dean (and mentally prepares himself for either making up an excuse for Emma and run off or finally face his fears), but, to his great relief, he merely spots Jo standing closeby with the other bridesmaids while shooting a few looks in Emma's direction.
"Are you excited yet?" Castiel asks after he nods at Jo, indicating that he doesn't mind Emma bothering him for a bit, getting a smile in return. It's nice to see how much she cares about Dean's daughter, even if it makes Castiel's stomach twist for a moment yet again.
"Excited?" Emma wonders.
"About the wedding," Castiel clarifies, expecting a thrilled squeal and enthusiastic rambling in return. She always seems to get very vocal in situations like these.
But now Emma's face turns somewhat earnest instead. "What happens after the wedding?"
Castiel tilts his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Emma falls silent for a moment, apparently collecting her thoughts and searching for the right way to phrase her concern. She looks very mature all of a sudden and Castiel wonders what might go on in that young head of hers.
"When will we see you next?" she eventually asks, her voice so timid and low Castiel actually has to lean closer to understand her.
He blinks a few times, not sure whether he's grasping what she's intending to say completely. "See me next?"
Emma nods jerkily. "Yes. After the wedding …"
She starts to fidget on the spot, obviously quite anxious, and Castiel finds himself kneeling down so that he's on the same eye level as her, for the moment not even caring if the ground is dirty or not. He rubs Emma's arm reassuringly, hoping that the gesture might sooth her a little.
"Daddy says we're gonna see you again," she eventually continues, her voice rising now. "And I really wanna meet your dogs. But we're gonna be gone after the wedding and then … we don't have breakfast together anymore and I don't see you every day and when we're back home I don't know …"
It slowly starts to dawn on Castiel what she is trying to say. It makes his heart melt a bit. "Oh Emma, sweetheart," he answers softly. "Don't you worry, we will see each other all the time now."
Granted, Castiel can't be entirely sure what Dean's point of view on that matter is, but he seemed open enough before about the prospect of seeing each other again in the future and Castiel certainly can't imagine he would deny Emma further contact. Sure, in the end Dean has the final say and the whole mess with Ethan might have made him a tad uncomfortable, however, he's too much of a good man to let the words of someone else affect him that much.
"Really?" Emma whispers timidly.
"You're my friend, Emma," Castiel says with emphasis. "Of course I wanna see you again."
The corners of her mouth twitch upwards at the declaration.
Castiel squeezes her arm and smiles at her brightly. "How about this? You're going on a road trip with your father after the wedding, right? How long are you going to be gone? Two weeks?"
She crinkles her forehead and shrugs, making it obvious that the concept of time is still a bit of a mystery to her.
"How about we decide on a date?" Castiel suggests. "Maybe the first Sunday after you and your Dad come back from the road trip? Mojo and Grace will be delighted to make your acquaintance."
Now the beam is back. "Yes, yes, yes!"
Castiel chuckles amused. "But of course we have to ask your father first. I don't know if he already made some other plans."
"Sundays Uncle Sammy comes over," she tells him broadly. "But he can come too. He loves dogs."
Castiel seriously wouldn't mind meeting the man at some point, half of the time Dean couldn't shut up about him. It's more than apparent that there is a lot of love in their little family.
"We will decide on a day," Castiel promises, figuring that an exact date is going to be way more assuring for her than a vague 'sometime soon'. "But we have to check with your Dad first before making any plans, alright?" He hesitates, suddenly feeling a lump growing in his throat, and he reluctantly adds, "And with Jo, too."
Emma frowns. "Why Jo?"
She seems seriously puzzled why her father's girlfriend should be included.
"Because she is very important to your father," Castiel explains, his chest clenching as he forms his words. "And to you as well, right?"
She still appears a little bewildered, but nods nonetheless. "Jo is awesome."
"So we should consider her as well," Castiel says. "I don't wanna interfere with any plans she might have with your Dad. And maybe … maybe she wants to come, too."
He's not really sure about that – all in all he hasn't interacted with her that often –, but if she would like to tag along, Castiel won't stop her. She is the woman Dean intends to marry at some point and Castiel isn't going to exclude her, risking losing Dean's friendship in the process.
He's a grown man who will be able to overcome his illogical feelings sooner or later and he can't jeopardize his connection with Dean in the meantime by tuning out the people he loves most.
"I wanna meet Mojo and Grace so bad," Emma says, grasping Castiel's wrist. "And you have to come to my birthday party. And barbecue … Daddy makes awesome barbecue. Even Uncle Sammy likes it and he normally only eats rabbit food."
It's more than apparent that she's quoting her father here and it's the most endearing thing.
"And you can come over and Daddy cooks," she continues. "And he can fix your car when it's sick. And then I can show you my toys and my stuffed animals …"
She goes on and on and Castiel merely leans back, enjoying the ramble of her voice and figuring that her words don't sound so bad.
Maybe they will indeed come true one day.
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Castiel is actually more than reluctant to leave Emma behind eventually, but suddenly he realizes it's less than a hour until the wedding and he has to pick up his brother and makes sure he will be ready and shiny for the ceremony.
To his own surprise, though, Castiel finds Gabriel already in the dressing room, pressing himself into his tuxedo and tugging the material as though he can't quite believe he's actually reached this point.
Castiel wordlessly steps closer and helps him fixing his collar and sleeves with efficiency, taking in every single detail thoroughly.
"I'm getting married, can you believe that?"
Gabriel's grin is the widest Castiel has ever seen on his brother's lips, reaching from one ear to the next and almost splitting his face in half.
Castiel chuckles as he squeezes Gabriel's shoulder. "It's honestly a little unbelievable," he admits good-naturedly. "But at the same time it's so very fitting."
Gabriel's eyes turn soft and before Castiel even knows what is happening, his brother grabs his shirt and pulls him into a bone-crushing embrace, so tight and powerful it takes Castiel's breath away, emotionally as well as physically.
"I don't say it enough, but I seriously love you, Castiel," Gabriel whispers, his voice a bit shaky as though he's fighting to control his emotions. "I'm really happy our useless dad dumped my mom to knock up yours."
Castiel grimaces at the phrasing, but he understands the underlying sentiment, so he lets it slide for now. It's Gabriel's wedding day after all – he's allowed to be a little out of line without Castiel reprimanding him for a change.
"I love you, too," Castiel offers instead, something warm tingling within his ribcage. Gabriel's right, the don't say it enough to each other.
They should honestly change that.
"Thanks for being my best man and stuff," Gabriel says as they pull apart again. "I don't know where I'd be without you."
"Probably still in that strip club, trying desperately to find your way back home," Castiel deadpans.
Gabriel throws his head back and laughs so loudly the windows seem to shake for a split second. "You're not wrong," he admits. "We would've been totally lost."
Castiel smiles easily. "Apart from that, though, I didn't do much."
Gabriel slaps his shoulder, probably intending some reassuring (yet painful) gesture. "Don't sell yourself short, baby bro," he counters lightheartedly. "You tend to stay calm even in the weirdest situations. That's a fucking goldmine when you have to deal with planning a wedding."
Castiel merely shrugs, not exactly sure whether he feels like agreeing to that. It seems like he could have done so much more, supporting his brother in so many other ways.
It doesn't feel like enough.
"You did a great deal," Gabriel emphasizes, obviously noticing Castiel's doubts without any effort at all. "And I can't wait to be your best man when your day eventually comes. I'll try to be as professional and steady as you have been. Your rock in the sea."
Castiel can't help a light blush coloring his cheeks. "I'm not sure –"
"Oh, believe me, the day will come," Gabriel assures with a wide grin. "You're way too adorable to not turn a lot of heads left and right."
Castiel squints his eyes. Only because some people like to look at him doesn't mean he enjoys looking back.
So far there has been merely one person –
"What about your sweet crush?" Gabriel urges. "Maybe you can ask him one day. You'd make a cute couple."
Castiel bites his lips and fights back the urge to flush some more. "You don't even know who it is."
Gabriel shrugs. "He's making you flustered, that's good enough for me."
Castiel has no idea how to react at that at first. Gabriel's easy acceptance is heartwarming, even if it's a bit misplaced since he seriously doesn't know what he's talking about.
Images of Jo in her beautiful dress flash up in front of his inner eye, making him once again realize how irrelevant he is compared to that woman and her deep bond with Dean.
So he finds himself answering, "It doesn't matter anyway. He is in a serious relationship. Very serious."
Gabriel's smile falls at those words. "Oh."
Castiel simply nods, fearing that his voice might crack if he would try to go deeper into the topic. It's hard enough to tell this to himself without speaking it out loud in front of other people.
"Damn, I'm sorry to hear that," Gabriel says, sounding fairly genuine.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter," Gabriel contradicts. "Your feelings are valid. You can't choose who you fall in love with."
Castiel arches an eyebrow. "Did you read the magazines at the doctor's again?"
Gabriel pulls a face. "Dentist," he clarifies. "But sometimes you can find true wisdom in those magazines, Castiel. You should try it."
"I think I'll pass."
"Nonetheless, the right guy or girl is out there for you," Gabriel says. "You're gonna be sappy and blushing and all those things and then I'm gonna be your best man and make sure you don't get stranded in some strip club."
Though it somewhat hurts to think about that, Castiel can't help his scoff. "I sincerely doubt that."
"Miracles happen, my dear brother."
A sudden knock on the door interrupts them and, as if fate is actually playing her tricks with Castiel, Dean of all people steps inside the room, looking a bit unsure and so freaking handsome in his suit.
So far he has only shown himself in plaid shirts and Henley's – simple, yet very nice to look at –, but now, dressed for the wedding, the suit dark and well fitted and accentuating his best features … Castiel feels like he's getting a little bit lost.
"Uh, sorry to barge in like that," Dean says. "But that terrifying, little woman – I think she's the wedding planner, right? – um, she sent me to tell you the caterer finally arrived."
Gabriel sighs. "Thank God. Kali would've killed the poor guy if he wouldn't have shown up in the next ten minutes, no doubt about that." He straightens his jacket. "I'm gonna check real quick, be right back."
And then he's rushing out of the room and leaves Dean and Castiel all by themselves.
Dammit.
Castiel never really got the sensation of awkwardness before, to be honest, but right this instance he starts to understand what other people are constantly complaining about.
Dean, too, seems a bit tense. "Well … it's pretty busy outside, huh?"
Castiel shrugs. "Big wedding. I'm actually surprised there hasn't been any explosions so far."
Dean chuckles as he eyes Castiel with a fond expression. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
Then they fall silent.
And simply look at each other.
And look.
Have Dean's eyes ever been that intense?
Castiel can't really tell, but the shiver that runs down his spine is more than impressive. That reaction is most definitely new.
Eventually, what seems to be a lifetime, Dean clears his throat. "Okay, listen … there is something I have to tell you," he says, his voice a little unsteady. "That's actually why I told that wedding planer woman I'd look for Gabriel since I figured you'd be here with him. And maybe it's the wrong timing with the wedding so close, but …" He heaves a deep sigh. "It's important and I can't postpone it much longer 'cause I really don't want you to think –"
"This is about Ethan, isn't it?"
Dean freezes on the spot, his eyes going wide. "What?"
"I heard him, earlier," Castiel explains. "The both of you. When you talked about … well, about Jo …"
Dean's cheeks start to tinge red. "You … you did?"
Castiel nods. "I'm quite sure Ethan wanted me to overhear. He saw me standing close to the place where he eventually led you just moments before. I can't imagine this being a coincidence."
Different emotions flicker over Dean's features, strong and powerful, yet too fast to analyze them properly. "He … he did that?"
"Jo was there, too," Castiel says. "And the bridesmaids and the maid of honor. Merely seconds before you showed up. Ethan knew that. He probably hoped for them to listen in as well."
Dean clenches his hands until his knuckles turn white. "That son of a bitch!"
"He will most likely try again as soon as he realizes his initial plan failed," Castiel presumes, his chest constricting at the mere thought. "He's not a very pleasant man, so it seems."
Dean rubs his face, clearly distressed. "That's an understatement," he says hoarsely, his teeth grinding audibly. "Cas, I'm so sorry, man. I've never meant for you to be dragged into this – this stupid mess –"
"It's not your fault," Castiel cuts in, attempting a reassuring smile. "Please don't blame yourself for other people being assholes."
Dean laughs hollowly. "Yeah, well …"
"Besides, I wouldn't worry too much," Castiel continues. "I mean, yes, Ethan trying to cause trouble is far from nice, but you shouldn't bother with him. After all, him spreading rumors about you and me –" Castiel halts for a second, fighting back a blush, "… I don't see him being very successful with that. I mean, who would believe him?"
Castiel scoffs.
And it hurts.
It hurts that the thought of him and Dean is just so freaking unbelievable.
"Everyone can see that you're devoted to Jo," he continues, ignoring the churning in his stomach. "So Ethan trying to convince people you would be into me, of all people – well, that's absurd, right? They will probably just laugh right into his face and move on."
Castiel expects Dean to give a small smile and an affirmative nod at that, his shoulders sagging as the weight is lifting.
But he didn't anticipate the stricken expression on Dean's face.
"Don't say it like that," Dean whispers.
Castiel frowns. "Like what?"
"Like it's the most ridiculous thing in the world."
Dean tightens his jaw and Castiel feels his stomach jolt. "I just meant –"
"Because it's not, y'know?" Dean cuts in. "The most ridiculous thing, that is. Far from it, actually. It's so very much not ridiculous."
Castiel frowns, fairly surprised by the vehemence in Dean's voice.
"So far from ridiculous!" Dean continues, apparently very passionate about the topic. "Because you're … you're …"
He points at Castiel's everything, obviously lost for words.
Castiel is not really sure what to think about this. "I just meant that most likely no one would believe that –"
"You know what it is?" Dean interrupts, totally ignoring Castiel's words. "It's the truth, that's what it is."
Castiel halts at that.
What?
"What?"
Did he seriously just say that?
"So please don't act like it's far-fetched or anything." Dean seems in a bit of a daze now, obviously unable to stop himself, even if he wanted to. "There's a freaking reason Ethan assumed that you and me … that we could … you know. 'Cause I'm not exactly subtle, man, and I was flirting with you –"
Castiel simply stares at the man in front of him, absolutely flabbergasted.
Is Dean honestly saying –?
Is this for real –?
Is this actually happening?
What. The. Hell?
"Dean …"
"Just a little bit," Dean rambles on, pacing back and forth now, apparently not capable of staying still anymore. "The flirting, I mean. Just a bit. I mean, even you would've noticed if I would've been on my best flirting game or anything. So I was … well, holding myself back. Though it was hard, once I started …"
This can't be happening.
"Dean …" Castiel's voice is shaking, on the verge of collapsing. He's even surprised for a moment he is able to vocalize anything at all. "I don't …"
Dean pulls a face. "Shit, I'm freaking you out now, don't I? I didn't mean … just let me explain –"
"Why?" Castiel interjects, frowning. "Why would you flirt with me?"
Dean seems taken aback by the question at first, like he seriously can't understand why Castiel would even ask that. "Why?" he wonders.
"Yes, why?" Castiel urges. "That doesn't even make sense."
Dean shakes his head in disbelief. "No sense?" He snorts. "I mean, Cas, look at you."
Castiel glances downwards, at his own body. He can't pinpoint anything special about himself. What the hell is Dean implying?
"You – you have no idea, do you?" Dean actually sounds sad about that. "I mean, you're awesome, man. You're kind and funny and so good with other folks, though you always claim you don't have any people skills … I mean, the way you are with Emma –" He shuts his eyes for a minute, like he's overwhelmed by everything. "And you're sarcastic and grumpy and gorgeous and everyone should be eager to flirt with you at all times –"
Castiel's eyes grow as big as saucers.
Dean's words, they're basically everything he wished he would hear rather sooner than later. Kind … funny … gorgeous …
It sounds so lovely and beautiful, it's like a dream come true.
And at the same time it's a nightmare.
"I'm still not very familiar with social customs," Castiel says, his hands beginning to tremble, "but I'm fairly sure it isn't considered acceptable to flirt with a person – and especially say things like that – when you're in a committed relationship with someone else!"
"You're right, it's not –"
"And you may just think this is some fun, a game or whatever, but –"
For me it's so much more, he doesn't say.
Castiel remembers Dean back in high school. He always had a smirk on his face, constantly flirting with girls (and even some teachers), winking and waving and whatnot. It's been more than obvious even to Castiel that none of this had been overly serious, merely just a shallow thing. He most definitely just liked to flirt a bit, no harm done.
But he did change since then.
And Castiel has no idea what this could mean.
Why is he saying all those things when just not long ago he claimed to love Jo and marry her some day? He didn't lie back then, Castiel heard it more than clearly.
So why is he doing this now?
Meanwhile, Dean's eyes grow impossibly wide at Castiel's words. "No, no, no," he insists, shaking his head almost violently. "No games or – or mindless fun or something … It's just –"
There is something in Dean's eyes, raw and powerful, and it's getting way too much way too quickly.
Only two minutes ago Castiel assumed Dean was simply uncomfortable because of Ethan's accusations, and now they're here? Dean confessing that he deliberately flirted with Castiel and saying all these wonderful things, while so many emotions are flickering over his features you're not supposed to have for a platonic friend while your freaking girlfriend is just in the next room.
It's too much.
So Castiel is actually glad when suddenly Gabriel bursts into the room, exclaiming, "Hey, Cassie, can you help with that stupid bow, I'm totally –" and then immediately freezes, apparently sensing the tension between the two men in front of him.
"Uh, am I interrupting something?"
Yes, he is.
And Castiel couldn't be happier about that.
He's not in any state of mind to deal with Dean like this – so open and vulnerable and obviously driven by strong feelings and yet so gorgeous –, so he finally averts his gaze and takes a deep breath.
He needs a moment to clear his head.
By himself.
To make sense of Dean's irrational words.
And so Castiel does the only thing that seems logical right now.
He runs.