Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
A/N: Scene 4. Hopefully it's funny...
(Columbia is alone in the foyer, still tied up though now missing the blindfold. She's struggling a bit with the ropes)
(Riff enters the room. His sister soon follows him… wielding a sword and a 'Star Trek'-esque laser gun.)
Magenta: that's her?
Riff: yes, dear.
Magenta: what's the netting? It makes her resemble a fish, though not in the usual way.
Riff: it's a trap.
Magenta: is this how you caught her?
Riff: in a way. I am an engineer, so I know how to do these things - though not how to explain.
Magenta: I am a studier of languages, literature, and history of many cultures across the universe. I know how to behead someone with a longsword and stun them with a 3rd Edition Transylvanian laser pistol and recite to them a lovely poem in Ancient Norse… all the same time.
Riff: please don't behead or even stun this creature. I want to keep her in good condition long enough to run some tests on her biological make-up.
Magenta: what should I do, then?
Riff: babysit her… keep her out of trouble until later.
(He leaves)
Magenta: do you have a name?
(Columbia nods, and tries to explain that she can't talk.)
Magenta: you want me to take off the gag?
Columbia: (nodding) mmhhhmm.
(Magenta does so. She smiles, somewhat creepily at the girl)
Columbia: my name is Columbia.
Magenta: lovely. What are you doing here?
Columbia: can you untie me? Or cut the ropes with that sword?
Magenta: Untie you? There's something only a fool, or someone suicidal, would do. You could attack me or try to escape. For all I can tell you might have weapons hidden about your person. If you do it would be wise to admit so, mind you.
Columbia: look, I'm a freakin' tap dancer. I'm as harmless as they get!
Magenta: fascinating.
Columbia: who are you?
Magenta: a maid.
Columbia: a maid?
Magenta: a maid. (sings) Everybody ought to have a maid, everybody ought to have a working girl… everybody got to have a lurking girl… to putter about the house!
Columbia: "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"? My grandma loves that movie!
Magenta: speaking of all of that, what's your story? Do you have any living relatives besides the grandmother? Where did you grow up?
Columbia: I don't mean to be rude, but that's not your business.
Magenta: it is. You're a stranger in my home, an invader of my territory. I can question you.
Columbia: I thought you were the maid, not the owner.
Magenta: I am the maid. Though I'm more of a housewife, really, despite not being married to the Master of the house.
Columbia: ma'am, you don't look like any housewife I've ever seen.
Magenta: it's the sword and the gun, yes?
Columbia: and the clothes. (Pause) when can I go home?
Magenta: how should I know?
Columbia: you did say you have more power than maids usually do.
Magenta: power has nothing to do with it. As you surely overheard, we haven't decided exactly what you're for. We might keep you for quite a while as a pet or science project or something.
Columbia: that's illegal, I think.
Magenta: we don't obey the local laws. (Pause, looks at a clock or pocket watch) Stay here, girl. I need to cook dinner.
(She leaves)
Columbia: (aside) I'm trapped, aren't I? It's like an episode of the twilight zone. What will I do…? Stop talking to myself, that's what I'll do. Only crazy people do that. I'm not crazy - these ropes are too strong to be imagined. Maybe I'm in a coma, somehow… or maybe this really is happening. At least the Maid is sort of nice…
("20 Minutes Later" sign)
(Columbia hasn't budged, though she looks more tired. Suddenly, Riff enters the room)
Riff: where did she go?
Columbia: to cook dinner, I think. Why do you ask?
Riff: I told her to keep an eye on you.
Columbia: she did for a while. It's alright, I haven't moved or attempted escape or anything.
Riff: good. Did she try to question you?
Columbia: yeah. It didn't do much good.
Riff: usually it does.
Columbia: Maybe I just don't have enough to say. But why does she question people?
Riff: She doesn't trust anyone she doesn't know very well. It's pointless to try to keep secrets from her for too long, she always figures things out in the end. I'm the only man she's ever loved and we've known each other since childhood.
Columbia: really? That's sweet, I think.
Riff: indeed. Now, the Master has summoned you to dinner. That means I'll have to untie you. I'm going to stun you with this laser first so you don't try to leave. The effects should wear off soon enough. Ready?
(Before she can reply he shoots her. Sharp fade to black, symbolizing her losing consciousness)
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