.
53. Where do we go from here?
.
It seems there hasn't been any update notification for the prior chapter, so please make sure you've read it before you'll continue here!
Kakashi stares at the clock on the wall on the other side of the room. They made a break at noon and another in the late afternoon, but all in all he has been feeling trapped inside of that stupid room for the whole day. The council still seems to be stuck in decision and it is about 8 p.m. now. Unintended his fingers begin to tap impatiently on the table top next to the sheets containing today's agenda topics lying in front of him.
Shikamaru, who has been announced his direct consultant, observes the hokage's strange behaviour. Half an hour later he leaned close to the powerful silverhead next to him to ask him not audible for the others: "Is everything alright?"
"It's just getting late and I'm tired."
The perceptive young man notices the lone eye checking the time again for what seems to be the hundredth time in the last five minutes. Kakashi's gloved fingers keep on tapping nervously and his body shifts in his seat from time to time. Shikamaru gives him a suspicious smirk.
Seems like our dear hokage has a date.
.
The young Nara stands up from his chair to address the discussing council members directly. "So, to abbreviate the long day, which answer do you choose?"
"We think it would beneficial to accept the offer."
Another man stands up. "But we must not do anything harshly! There is a timeframe of five weeks left to inform rain of our decision."
.
Shikamaru contemplates for a moment, the he responds: "Well, it is quarter to nine now and it seems we are not getting anywhere. Let's adjourn the meeting to next Friday. Same time, same place."
The hokage stands up "Thank you for joining the meeting today. We will meet here next Friday again, but if you want to personally discuss something, feel free to visit me at the office during business hours. Sitting closed. Have a nice weekend."
The council members leave the building and Shikamaru gathers the protocols, while the hokage rushes into his office to fill out the records.
.
.
08:52… Shit!
The well-planned time frame to prepare for their date has been shortened drastically. It will be hardly possible to take a shower and put on some casual clothes until she will show up.
Damn council!
.
His consultant leans in the door frame of the hokage office looking at the irritated silverhead with a stack of papers in his hands.
"Let me do that for you. It's getting really late, you should probably go. Enjoy your weekend, hokage-sama!"
Kakashi can't allow himself to waste time on bothering about the knowing smirk on the shadow wielder's face.
"You too. Thank you, Shikamaru! I appreciate that." And in a puff of smoke he is gone.
.
The young Nara shakes his head with a mischievous smile before he sat down with the paperwork at his own desk.
.
.
In the meanwhile Sakura has got some take out for them to eat for dinner from their favourite restaurant. On her way to the hokage mansion she looks at the items in her bag: Miso soup, some tempura, a variety of finest sushi and a few mochi. The restaurant owner has given her a bottle of Umeshu as a gift, because she has been one of his best customers.
There is enough time left to get there punctual.
Perfect!
She walks right to the hokage residence, which is a building next to the tower with ANBU quarters on the ground floor and the official hokage apartment on the first floor. The ANBU at the entrance let her in without asking any questions and so she continues her way up to the apartment.
.
The pinkette knocks on the door with shaking fingers, but Hoshi's friendly greeting as he opens the door put her at ease in an instant. The brunette young man lets her in and they put the take out into the kitchen to keep it warm and cold, depending on the content of the boxes.
Nice as she is she asks the amicable guard: "Are you hungry too? I think I've brought too much for two."
Hoshi chuckles. "Thank you, Haruno-san. I appreciate that, but I've already eaten before my shift has started."
.
"So you're here every night?"
"Basically yes, but sometimes there's stand-in. I belong to the personal guard team which is housed on the ground floor."
.
Professional he leads her into the living room.
"Hokage-sama will join you soon. I'm afraid the meeting took a little longer than expected. He has just returned. Do you want something to drink while you wait?"
"Tea would be fine."
"Sure."
.
While she is waiting for her beverage Sakura walks around in the nice room.
There are a dining area near the windows, a balcony and a big, dark-grey sofa with book racks and a TV on the other side. It isn't as luxurious and opulent as the kazekage's living space has been, but very inviting and homey.
The kind ANBU reappears with a tray and puts a tea pot with two cups on the dining table.
.
"Please feel free to make yourself at home, Haruno-san. If you need anything just let me know. I'm in the room at the entryway."
She nodded appreciatively at the young bowing man. "Thank you, Hoshi-san."
"You're welcome."
.
As the personal guard has left she begins to study the books on the rack.
To all appearances the hokage has an eye for classic literature, but where have his infamous smutty novels gone?
They're all in his bedroom, remember?
Right!
She chuckles.
.
An obviously fresh showered Kakashi enters the room as she is sitting on the sofa with one of his books in hand. He looks almost like a civilian in his black v-neck shirt and dark grey pants, except for his mask and forehead protector in place.
He steps near to see which book she has chosen. "The man outside. That's a fascinating book. Have you ever read it?"
"Unfortunately not, so I was curious. The plot seems really good. A veteran who has been in captivity as a prisoner of war for three years is finally able to return home and he has to learn that everything around him has changed. That sounds interesting! May I borrow it?"
.
"Of course you can, but you need to tell me what you think about it when you've finished reading. It's one of my favourites, so be careful."
"Ok." Giggling she closes the book to look at him as he sits down next to her on the armrest of the sofa.
.
"What's so funny?"
"To be honest I haven't known you read more than icha icha actually. We could have discussed a lot more kinds of literature, you know?"
.
He chuckles. "My, my, Sakura-chan! Who is the bigger pervert now?"
That makes her laugh and he joins her.
.
Suddenly he disappears in a puff of smoke only to come back with their food. Gentleman-like he pulls out a chair at the table for her to sit down.
"So, how was your day?" He asks as he sets out some plates instantly giving her the feeling of belonging in here. It has been normal for them to eat together at the training grounds, some restaurants, her place or his office, but she has never been inside of his hokage apartment before.
"After my strange encounter with Sai in the morning it went very well actually."
Chuckling he shook his head while he sits down across from her.
.
"And how was the meeting?"
An annoyed grunt underlines his following words: "Sometimes I wonder why we even have to convene council meetings when they aren't able to reach any consensus of opinion. It costs a lot of time, energy and nerves."
.
"A rich dinner from our favourite restaurant will hopefully make up for that?" Sakura points at the different take out boxes.
"I'm afraid it won't." The hokage answers grumpily.
She frowns at the expressionless man as he pours some soup into their bowls.
"But the pleasant company will." He hands her a bowl with his trademark eye-crinkle, which has never failed to conjure a smile on her lips.
.
Sakura's bright smile as a reaction is all he has hoped for after that rather gruelling day. As their eyes meet, the feeling of home returns. Cheered up he puts some tempura on a plate and offered them to the hungry pinkette.
They enjoy their meal, drink tea together and talk. Against all odds there has been no strange, uncomfortable tension between the two, their evening has started pretty well and they seem to have reached a good basis for the unavoidable discussion Kakashi has been so very afraid of.
.
.
Sakura helps him to clear the table and to wash the dishes.
"So you do the housework all by yourself?"
"Hoshi can do it, but I like to do it myself. I've done it alone for my whole life, I don't see a reason for why a superior position should change that. Also it's quite relaxing and unless I'm not running out of time I won't bother him with such basic work."
.
The pinkette is stunned, she has never thought about the simple things in the private life of the current hokage. For her it is still weird to see him that way.
As she is washing the dishes Kakashi steps behind her. With their bodies that close Sakura drops the sponge due to her sudden excitement. His hands find the sponge in the foamy water and he helps her to finish the last item. Tenderly his lips connect with her shoulders and put a trail of kisses up from there over her neck to her ear. His low appreciative groan vibrates on her skin.
"I've been looking forward to this the whole day."
She turns around and they kiss, the dripping wet hands are soon forgotten as they make their way to his bedroom to start from where they have left in the morning.
.
.
They stop in front of his bed and Sakura pulls his shirt off leaving him topless with his mask. The copy-nin takes her hands and puts them on his exposed skin. Slowly he guides them entwined with his own up from his abs over the pecs to his mask.
Time stands still for a few moments as their eyes send the deepest emotions to encourage and ensure them both. Then, carefully slow they pull it down together. As their fingers release the cloth item the genjutsu disappears completely. For the first time in her life she sees his real face.
For a whole minute the pinkette is just standing there gaping, then she regains her composure.
.
"Ehrm, don't you think you own me an explanation?"
.
Sheepishly he cocks his head to the side, nonetheless he looks sexy and a bit innocent.
"It's classified information." By the tone of his words she can tell he doesn't believe them himself.
"Dammit, you're the current hokage! You owe me an explanation, Kakashi!"
.
Nodding guiltily he continues: "Many years ago I created a secret, forbidden jutsu."
"You got all my attention. Go on!" Anger and frustration is clearly audible in her voice.
.
Kakashi knows she will never tell anyone. "It could be both: a henge I use here and there to disguise myself while on other occasions it's a perfect clone who can act completely independent on his own."
The kunoichi raises a brow. "So Tsunade knew it all the time?"
.
"Yes she did. And Tenzou."
"Yamato?" Her mouth falls open in disbelieve.
.
The silverhead nods. He tells her that Tsunade sent him on a few pretty harsh ANBU missions as a penalty for what he had done with Sakura, although she didn't dare to ask neither him or her personally what had happened between the two.
"So she put you back on ANBU duty as a penalty for sleeping with me?"
"Yes and no. With Tatsuo I've never left ANBU completely. Did you ever tell her about it? I did not."
.
"You mean she found out herself?"
"I guess so. She became suspicious as you told her about your encounters with a guy named Tatsuo during your seduction training. Then we had been in Suna together and returned due to a failed mission. When you started asking around for Tatsuo again, she got pretty angry and put me back into ANBU rooster too."
.
"So how do you mean he can be both a henge or a clone?"
The silverhead speaks to her in his calm tone: "Tatsuo works like an alter ego depending on the situation. As an independent clone he can act as if he would have a live of his own if I wish so. When he returns and we reunite I see what's happened in the meantime, which isn't always a pleasant experience." Kakashi takes a deep breath and continues to speak. "He is basically me in my younger years without the mask and scars, with short light brown hair and blue eyes instead. Tatsuo has the body I had when I was younger and a little more bulky and less battle scarred. The other things you should better find out yourself."
Sakura doesn't react to his remark.
Cockily he tells her: "It's the perfect disguise, 'cause nobody knows my real face."
.
The pinkette's mind is racing.
She recalls the scene in the former hokage's office the day Tsunade had given them the mission to cool down. Naruto and Tatsuo were standing there on ANBU guard duty while Tsunade and Sakura had to wait for Kakashi's late arrival. The sannin called the copy-nin an idiot, because of course she knew and Tatsuo had been already in her office. Tatsuo had to be acting on his own when he squeezed her arm as he left the room and Kakashi just shrugged to a questioningly looking hokage.
"Tsunade was right, you ARE an idiot!" The kunoichi snarls at him.
"I told you, sometimes even I do stupid things." He looks bewildered.
.
A very pissed-off Sakura yells at him: "We slept together before, Kakashi!"
The great copy-nin feels cornered and struggles hard to find an explanation. "That wasn't in my hands. I didn't mean to. I mean yes, we did and I meant to, but I didn't mean to."
.
"What?"
"You know what I mean."
.
Sakura is certain she wouldn't get more sense out of the unsettled man right now. "Ugh… Was it you or him?"
"I have to admit it was…" he coughs nervously "Sakura, I'm deeply sorry. It got all out of hand."
.
And her composure left again. "Say it, dammit! Who did I sleep with, Kakashi! WHO was it?!"
Kakashi ruffles his silver mane for a moment, he seems to be as startled as she is. "Damn, of course it was me, ok? Seriously, what do you think?!"
.
Relief seems to wash over her pretty, but very fuming face.
"Was it coincidence that Tatsuo… I mean you appeared at the bar all of a sudden or did you know I was looking for Tatsuo?"
"Ehrm, to be honest Tsunade ordered me to talk as Tatsuo with you. After all what had occurred I didn't want to, I thought it would be better if I keep the distance, but of course I didn't tell her what had happened. She pressed me with more hard missions than she had already given to Tatsuo both as a test for the post of hokage and as a punishment for our failed mission. Then on a faithful evening Tenzou dragged me into the bar where you'd been with your friends. I suppose you know the rest of the story."
.
She is still standing there frowning with her arms crossed over her chest and her right foot tapping angrily on the floor. The kunoichi looks like she would explode every second with the force of ten atomic bombs.
K: Not good! Do something!
For the first time she sees the infamous always controlled copy-nin shifting in his stance during a confrontation, though his voice doesn't give away of his self-consciousness.
.
"It happened on my last evening in town. That mission Tatsuo told you about wasn't a lie, Sakura." His eyes search for forgiveness. "I hardly survived. I got caught and tortured for weeks, but that was the plan."
"What?" Her emerald orbs nearly pop out.
Kakashi nods confirming. "Maybe you could at least try to understand why I was acting so out of habit."
"Tsunade sent you on that mission because of me… That means I nearly killed you?" Sakura tries hard to compose herself, but the sudden pain in her heart stings badly.
"No, it wasn't Tsunade alone, it was also a political decision from the council. Actually the mission went according to plan. It just took me longer to get back than we thought and, well, you've seen the state that I was in as I returned."
.
The arm injuries, the broken ribs, the stab wounds, the nail fragment buried deep inside his ankle…
It all makes sense…
.
She put her hand over her mouth as a shock reaction and whispers: "You… You got tortured because of me?"
He shrugs and smiles. "Resume: We both tortured ourselves for a long while, didn't we?"
.
"I guess so."
"It was worth it. Dreaming with you kept me going and I knew you would be safe."
.
Dreams…
Wait what, did he say "dreaming WITH you"?
.
But before she could continue her trail of thoughts he interrupts: "Is there any other thing you want to know?"
Flashes of pictures shoot through her mind.
I understand! That's why I've always had the feeling of knowing the mysterious ANBU so well and why he acted so caring.
The massage seminar…
That's why Tatsuo's scar seemed so familiar.
And his scent… Don't forget that mind-blowing scent!
.
Sakura stands there too caught in questions and memories inside of her head that she doesn't notice the smile forming on her lips.
Sandalwood, tonka bean and his unique odor…
.
"Sakura, are you alright?"
She opens her eyes again to look at him. "Who was it at the first time we met?"
.
"That was me." He smiles proudly.
"Oh God… That's how you knew about the kiss…" The pinkette has a frustrated grin on her face.
.
"Yep, I knew it from personal experience!" Kakashi tries to lighten up the mood with his playful side.
"You even called it a good kiss. You're impossible!"
.
K: It works! She's smiling!
"In hindsight that wasn't a wise and careful choice of words by the way. I nearly revealed too much information."
Back then he just wanted to unwind. Sometimes he has used the henge to pick up girls.
.
"And at the late night healing in my apartment?"
"Me. As I said with Tatsuo I've never fully left ANBU. In disguise I used to accompany Naruto on difficult missions."
.
"Naruto told me a bit about his comrade, or better said he tried to warn me…"
"I know. He told me."
.
"Sure."
That's why we have never seen Kakashi dating.
Naruto would probably go nuts if he would know.
.
"What's with that scar on your neck?"
"I've noticed you recognized it. Sadly I can't hide the remains of the life-threatening wounds with my henge no jutsu."
.
It is the same one I eased at the spa hotel.
That's why he had dimmed the light in our apartment!
Yeah, so I couldn't detect the one on his lower back close to his spine.
That would have busted his disguise for certain.
.
"Wait… What happens when Tatsuo gets killed?"
"That's the difficulty with that jutsu. If it's the clone who gets injured, he won't vanish, but I'll suffer from his pain until he's healed. Our two bodies are joined."
.
"But what happens if he's not healed, if there is no cure and he gets killed?"
"That's a pretty cool thing: he couldn't be eliminated, but I'll suffer from all of his pain when I finally release him. Sometimes that takes some time to get through."
.
So he wasn't late all the time, he had to suffer a lot without anybody knowing.
That's so sad…
.
"And if it's you in a henge?"
"Let's not talk about…"
"Kakashi, tell me what happens! Dammit!"
Said copy-nin sighs. "Then I'd die as Tatsuo. My body won't transform back. It's for safety, so when I would die in battle I would die as an unknown leaf shinobi and the enemy couldn't get the sharingan or any other secrets from my body."
Sakura takes a few deep breathes to progress all the information.
Kakashi is afraid she would reject him now, though a tiny part of him still hopes she would to ensure her safety.
.
"Who was it at the dinner date at the "Skyline" restaurant?"
"First it was me too. I needed to maintain full control."
.
"Full control?" Sakura rubs her forehead due to the sudden increasing headache.
"I've never said that I was doing a good job. I had to switch with him, Sakura. I was afraid if not I would do something stupid. Could you imagine how I felt as he returned and I experienced all what he had done? I was deeply in shock! I thought he would walk you home only."
.
"You did something stupid, Kakashi!"
"As I said, it does happen sometimes."
.
"By all appearances it happens pretty often, Kakashi!"
"I've only lost control around you."
His honest reaction and the look in his eyes blow her anger away. He has accepted he can't run away any longer and suddenly she realises that he has returned to her today. Stunned she watches him as he takes a first hesitant step towards her, then another.
All too willingly she finds herself embraced by his strong arms in a very pleasant and soothing way.
.
"I'm deeply sorry, Sakura."
She snorts briefly, reminding him of the former hokage. Then she inhales his comforting scent and murmurs relaxed: "Any other experiences with the clone I should know?"
.
"Tatsuo heard you in your dreams."
She freezes on the spot "What?!"
He nods with a funny grin. "Should I continue?"
Through gritted teeth she hisses "Yes."
.
"The one who got the bunny vibrator smitten right on the head and got you a flower, was the clone only. You see, he can be very impulsive. He was also witnessing in front of Genma's apartment."
She looks shocked. "And… During practise with Kiba?"
.
"Nope, just Pakkun."
"Pakkun?! You involved Pakkun?" Her eyes nearly fall out as she takes a few steps back to get some space between them.
.
"Yes, he's very reliable. He was hiding in the coppice."
She shakes her head in disbelief. "That's so crazy…"
.
He sighs racked by remorse. "I'm sorry. This all has never been supposed to happen. I failed miserably."
Sakura begins to chuckle. "Not really, you know."
He cocks his head to the side as she reduces their distance.
Their eyes connect deeply and the two shinobi confirm their feelings for each other with a sweet kiss.
.
"Now we could finally have the real thing we both imagined for years now."
"You know I could bring Tatsuo into play whenever you want?"
.
"Damn you! After all that time I just want you, no disturbances and no fucking others!"
"Quite literally!"
As an answer she harshly pokes him with her right indexfinger.
.
Kakashi steps back and rubs the spot on his ribs. "Hey, I was just kidding! I don't like to share, you know that already! At least not now."
"Hokage-sama, shut up an kiss me!"
.
His broad grin is the most beautiful and erotic smile she has ever seen on his stunning face. When he approaches, his fingers trace the necklace she is wearing and he smiles looking at the delicate thing.
"I'm glad you like it."
Gently, but nonetheless steamy, the copy-nin grabs the head of the speechless kunoichi. With one hand interwoven in her rosy hair and the other on the small of her back he takes a brief moment to look her deep into the eyes before he captured her lips with his to kiss her senseless.
.
.
"The man outside" (originally: "Draußen vor der Tür", literally: "Outside, at the door") is a book written by Wolfgang Borchert in 1946. It is considered a significant work of the post war era thematising the issues of re-socialisation as a soldier in a changing atmosphere. As one of my favourite books and fitting to the main topic it was even one of my special subjects for graduation. It is one of those memorable books that you will never forget.
SquaMata