Thank you all for reviewing! I've been hiding in a blanket burrito since Tuesday, trying to Not Be Sick and failing miserably, so fixing this chapter up was... an adventure. Hopefully no errors too ridiculous snuck through :/ allllllso! We now have fanart, of the hug last chapter, by Akarri! Go check it out on ranowa-fanart-dump on tumblr; it's wonderful! :D

Ed, just like he'd learned how to do in the padded cell, shut out everything.

But this time, his world included Roy, and that made everything else bearable.

At some point he felt Roy wrap his arms around him, holding him tightly, restraining him just like he'd been restrained for weeks now but now, surrounded by his warmth and safety- it was unbearably different, and that made all the difference. He clung to his terror for a heartbeat longer, trembling because he'd forgotten how to exist as anything else- but then it all just fell into nothing and he buried his face in Roy's shoulder, gasping and clinging to him with everything that he had. He vaguely heard himself babbling, the words incoherent gasps and hell, he didn't even know what he wanted to say; none of it mattered.

All he could comprehend was that he'd survived, and it was over.

"You're okay," he heard distantly. "Shh, shh. It's okay, I've got you. They won't touch you again, I promise. Shh." The arms tightened again, pulling him closer; Ed just burrowed his head against his warm shoulder and tried to catch his breath between sobs.

He'd done it. He'd escaped. He'd gotten out. It was over.

Some part of him felt himself being lifted, then moved; some even smaller part realized Roy had just picked him up straight out of the wheelchair and was now carrying him away, and he couldn't make himself care. He clutched onto him tighter, hiding his face in his shirt and desperately not letting himself process anything besides Roy's impossibly steady, reassuring arms, and the steady words going on over his head.

"It's okay," Roy promised, over and over. There was something in his voice he didn't recognize, something almost like anger- but his assurances never stopped, and the arms around him never loosened. "It's okay. You're safe now, Ed, I've got you-"

"S-stop," he rasped- and just like that, somehow, everything did stop.

Somehow that, beyond everything else, got through the haze.

Ed jerked backwards, reeling just enough out of Roy's tight grasp to look up to his face and stare. "Don't call me that," he gasped, and it wasn't until he'd said it that he'd even realized what he wanted.

Roy stared down at him uncertainly, wide-eyed and confused. He looked alarmed; terrified, perhaps, and Ed almost could sympathize but was too busy trying not to break down to care. "Fullmetal," he said again, staring up at Roy. "Call me that. Fullmetal. It's important- it m-means something! I- I want- R-Roy..."

He couldn't put it into words any more than that. He could barely talk as it was, too distraught and torn to even think any longer- but Roy, thank god, didn't need it.

"Fullmetal," Roy said slowly. An uncertain, weak smile twitched into place, and then he said it again, nodding harder. "Fullmetal."

It was familiar the way everything he couldn't remember was. Right in all the ways Justin's array had been wrong. He didn't understand it- maybe he was crazy after all- but he recognized it, and when that was all he fucking had he latched onto it like a bulldog. "Fullmetal," Ed repeated, relishing in the familiarity of it, overwhelmed, almost ecstatic- then felt another breakdown growing in his throat and just ducked his head back against Roy's shoulder, burying himself against his warm arms and just letting himself lose it.

He felt a little more present with every word Roy said, every single time he called him Fullmetal. Less like he was still in that room, and less like the existence of a world beyond that padded cell was too much for him to handle anymore. He had to be terrifying Roy by this point and almost felt bad, but the warm arms around him offset any guilt about it and after having there for so long- he just couldn't care anymore.

He had Roy, and at that moment, anything else beyond that was something Ed just couldn't handle right now.

"...I'm sorry," he mumbled at last, sniffling and voice thick. He kept his face hidden against Roy's shoulder, humiliated and face burning and just not wanting to see the look on Roy's face right now, but the apology had to be said.

He felt rather than saw Roy shake his head over him, a cheek pressed to his hair. "Don't apologize."

"I'm... I didn't mean to... do that. I just... I can't..."

Roy shook his head again. "No apologies necessary," he repeated firmly- and then, pulled back just a little with a slight smirk. "Fullmetal."

The familiar name again struck him and he fought to swallow a smile, one shaking hand lifting almost of its own accord to rub at his wet cheeks. "That's my name. That's my damn name." His voice was weak and choked and pathetic, and he grinned again, something almost close to joy expanding inside him. "Don't call me Ed again," he ordered, pushing a little away from Roy. "Ed's what this hospital says; that's- the only reason you call me that at all is because they said it's my name. Fullmetal's... it's..."

It was whatever the hospital didn't want them to know. It was whatever they had forgotten that Justin and the nurses weren't telling them. It was their truth, and that one word represented everything he was fighting for- the truth that he had, that they both had, to break out of this place for.

Roy grinned to him, smirk broadening. He understood- Ed could see it in his eyes alone. He didn't need an explanation, because he already understood. "I know, Fullmetal," he said quietly, and those three words were the single best thing he had heard since they'd put him in that room.

Ed didn't even realize what was happening next until he saw it, the older man shifting back even more to lift his arm up to examine it. The limb was so sore and numb he just hadn't felt Roy touching it; even now that he could see it he barely could feel Roy's fingertips skating lightly over his arm- but he did see them freeze over the deep impressions from the restraints... and he did see his pale face cloud over in black rage.

Something in him flinched away, and he swallowed, gaze suddenly fixated quite firmly back down on his foot.

"E- Fullmetal." Another fingertip drifted lightly down his arm, then two hands grabbed him tightly by the shoulders to hold him out at arm's length, Roy's dark eyes flashing and his face slowly shifting in an almost dangerous scowl. "What did they do to you?"

"N..." He stopped, swallowing; the words literally died in his throat and it felt as if something in him just physically wilted up and died. "N-nothing."

The words came out as an unimpressive, unconvincing, almost squeak. It was embarrassing and humiliating and his face burned, but- but no. Just no. He felt almost sick at the idea of even trying to say it; no, no, he had just calmed down, he couldn't think about it again, he wouldn't-

"Fullmetal, this looks like they tied you down!" Roy insisted desperately, still running his fingers down his arm. "This looks as if you've been- this whole time-"

"So?!" He shot back, inwardly terrified, desperate to not have this conversation. "You look like that too!" He grabbed at Roy's wrist and yanked it out to bare the red marks around it, nails biting into the raw band of skin. "Doesn't matter! No!"

"This is different, E- Fullmetal!" Roy freed his arm almost effortlessly and yanked it out straight, outlining the twisting red marks around the limb- the one around his wrist, the pattern against his still numb hand, the impression at his elbow from where it'd been bound to his stomach for so long- "Look at this! It's- I can't even imagine- Fullmetal, what did they do to you?!"

There were... so many of them...

"...Nothing," Ed whispered again, trembling. "Nothing. Nothing. It's nothing, Roy. Please." He shut his eyes again, cringing back and away, nauseated and terrified all over again. "It's nothing." Please...

Please don't make me say it. Please don't make me think back here; I can't do it. I just got out of there, please, please, PLEASE Roy... please just stop...

"It's not nothing! Fullmetal, they hurt you!" Revenge flashed in his eyes again and suddenly Roy was half on his feet; it wasn't until he'd moved off the bed that Ed even realized Roy must've carried him all the way back into his room. "Don't I deserve to know, too? They'll do it to me at some point; aren't you going to tell me so I can be prepared? You did before, what about now?!"

Ed's breath caught again, anxiety fluttering alongside the sickened terror in his chest. Roy was right, wasn't he? They were going to do it to him, too... it was unavoidable, that was what was going to happen, they were going to treat Roy the same way- and it was his responsibility to help him, wasn't it? He could help him- he had to do it, but-

Don't make me think back there. Please- please just stop...

But Roy was right. He had to tell him, didn't he? It didn't matter how hard it was for him; if it helped Roy- if it was best for him...

"I'm sorry," he barely managed to moan, shaking. He turned a little away from him, the words sticking in his mouth and mind reeling with the panic of it all, overwhelmed all over again. But Roy was right, wasn't he? He had to say! It would help Roy; he had to do it- and what did it matter at all, anyway; he was overreacting! This was nothing- they hadn't even touched him! What was he losing his mind over in the first place; they hadn't done a thing to him. It had all been himself, his own reactions, his own delusions, his own madness. This was pathetic; he was pathetic, he was falling apart over nothing, this was just...

"It's nothing. I'm sorry, it's nothing," he all but babbled, working his numb fingers through his greasy hair then scrubbing them across his damp face, fighting to stop shaking, to make sense, to grasp sanity. "They j-just... locked me in a... room. That's it."

"...A room?" Roy questioned unsurely.

Ed just shook his head violently, blocking out the words as he desperately plowed through the words; the faster he could get them out, the faster it'd be over. "That's all it was. It's nothing. They just locked me in a... a r-room, and..." His voice dwindled smaller, nerves tightening into a knot in his throat. "And, drugs again- they gave me all those drugs again, and the- the j-jacket- the- they made me wear a... a... "

Fuck, he couldn't say it. His face burned and his hand shook and he just couldn't force out the horrible, humiliating word. But he had to. Roy had to be prepared, he had to know what was coming, he couldn't just be a coward and hide it; he had to get it out right now, he had to do the right thing- "They p-put me- in a- a-..."

"...It's all right, Fullmetal. You don't have to say."

"No! I have to! If they do it to you-"

"Then I'll deal with it, just like you had to," Roy soothed quietly, sitting back down on the bed and gesturing a little for him to do the same. "You're not obligated to make this easier for me. None of this is on you, okay? You survived it- so will I."

"But..." Ed shook his head again but let Roy coax him back into sitting down, unsteady and raw enough that he didn't want to argue. He knew what Roy was doing. He knew he'd seen him struggle and just fall apart like a baby and was trying to take it easy on him, and his face burned, even more embarrassed than before- but stronger than the embarrassment was the relief. "It's.. it's nothing, really, I mean- I'm over-r-reacting, it's- and they won't do it to you if you just do what they tell you, okay?" And he was really babbling now, but the strength and will to stop himself was somewhere way fucking off in the distance too far away for him to ever grasp it again. "All you've gotta do is just-" behave "do what they tell you, and you'll be fine, okay? Like always! Just pretend you're going along with everything and they won't hurt you!"

Once again, he was pretty sure Roy was outright alarmed now, either at his own pathetic state or at the thought that everything he'd been through was coming to him as well; Ed was to far gone to care which. The older man leaned back with a troubled expression, interlacing his fingers over his lap, then looked back at him with a calculating frown. "So... what did you do, then?"

"What?"

"What is it they had you do?" He gestured again, eyes narrowed and face pale with worry. "They told you to do something... well, what was it?"

Ed stopped again, the question somehow again throwing him for a loop, even after everything. This wasn't unbearable, at least, this wasn't too painful and laced with panic for him to face again- but that did not at all mean he wanted to talk about this.

But he could do this, at least. This wasn't like that padded room, and the straitjacket, and the drugs- he could talk about this. He could relive it. He had to relive it.

His hands suddenly tingled, burning the way they had when he'd used the array even as his stomach twisted with guilt. "I'm... not sure," he admitted reluctantly, even if he instantly hated himself for it- because it was technically the truth, he didn't really know what he had done- but he knew what Roy was asking, and this time, he had to tell him. He wasn't such a pathetic child that he was going to wuss out again.

Even though he knew he'd done the wrong thing...

Even though he knew he'd had a choice... and he'd chosen wrongly...

"There... was an array," he said at last, dropping weakly to sit back down on the bed and pulling his leg up close to his chest. "Not the tattoo one, but- it's the same sort of thing, you know? It was a circle, and it's... god, I don't know why I know it, but it's an array. That's what it is. And they wanted me to use it."

"...Use it? What do you mean use it?"

"I don't know! I don't know how I know any of this! It's just like the tattoos, I just looked at it and got it- but I don't know any of it at all! I-" Ed swallowed tightly, trying to control himself even as his breaths raced again and his heart started pounding. Roy wasn't questioning him to be an ass. Roy had every right to know what he was trying to say, because soon, Roy would be in the exact same boat as he was. It wasn't Roy's fault that he didn't know anything at all anymore, it wasn't Roy's fault that even trying to describe it made him feel insane... the way he just magically knew these things somehow, knew them beyond all certainty but had zero explanation as to why.

He wasn't fucking crazy. He wasn't.

I'm not I'm not I'm not...

...don't make me go back there...

...please...

"...It's alchemy."

Again, Roy went quiet for a few moments.

"...Alchemy?" he asked at last.

Ed made himself nod again, looking back fiercely at Roy. "Alchemy. That's what I did... and I think that's what they're after. That's why they're keeping us here- because we can do it." He turned around to face Roy fully this time, the weight on his shoulders loosening a little as he started to understand. "The arrays, they're... it's like a math equation, I think. It has everything you need to solve it right there inside of it, but that's all useless if you don't know how to use it- and solving it, that's what I can do- that's alchemy. I don't know if they need us because they can't solve it, or just want us to, but- that's got to be it, Roy." The more he thought about it, the more he understood, and he started nodding, unable to help a weak smile. For the first time in weeks, he felt like he could finally grasp what was going on. "That's the whole point of everything they're doing here! They want us to do alchemy for them- that's what they wanted from me."

And you did it.

Even though you knew it was wrong.

"...Okay," Roy said haltingly. He narrowed his eyes again, breaking Ed's gaze to frown down at the bed, expression implacable. "All right, but, you never answered my question. What was it that you did?"

Ed bristled at the confusion in his voice, knowing he was just being humored, that Roy didn't get it at all but was polite enough not to say- but they didn't have time for him to be an ass and dither around being polite. But it didn't matter, because again, Roy was right.

He still hadn't said.

Ed shifted uncomfortably again, guilt squirming in his stomach, and lowered his gaze once more to the bed.

"I... made gold."

Roy stiffened again; this time, Ed could almost feel his blank stare land on him again.

"Uh- what?" he asked dumbly.

Ed winced, trying to force himself to meet Roy's eyes again. The utter lack of understanding waiting for him there, not quite judgment, certainly not anything comforting, was not helpful at all. "I made gold."

Roy frowned again. "I don't understand..."

"Neither do I, but that's what happened. Justin, the doctor- or whatever the hell he really is- he put a rock in the circle, and made me use it, and I... turned it into gold." He hesitated, fighting back another wave of guilt and shame. "That's what alchemy is. And... I did it."

It had been equally exhilarating and horrifying, he remembered. As terrified as he'd been to touch that circle, the weeks he'd spent in that padded room because he'd refused to in the first place, when he'd actually done it, it had felt... good. The moment his fingertips had touched the array, god, the energy that had shot through him- no matter how wrong it had been, Ed could not deny now that it had felt good. Exhilarating like a drug, almost- but a good drug, not the shit the hospital gave them, a rush of energy and life that made the world light up and the his blood rush with euphoria. He'd felt almost addictively good, like himself for the very first time since waking up here...

And then that one small rock had been dismantled, deconstructed- and put back together again in a brilliant crackle of light.

Put back together, as a tiny nugget of gold.

Ed glanced hesitantly back at Roy, who was watching him now with his face unreadable and his eyes wide. He was being listened to, at least, not just immediately discounted as a lunatic- which Ed only now realized that was exactly what his story made him sound like... but it didn't matter; at least Roy was trying. That was all he needed, right now; all Ed needed was someone to help him, and they'd be able to get the hell out of here and never set foot in a hospital again. "Look, I know this all sounds crazy," he started again, earnestly moving closer, "I know- but I saw it with my own two eyes. That's what happened. And it makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, just that little piece of gold has to be worth a shit ton. If they want both of us doing that, they could make a fortune!"

"That's... well..." Again, Roy didn't look very convinced- of anything whatsoever- but at least he wasn't discounting him outright, and that was probably the best of what he could ask for right now. "It's... a theory, sure. But slow down a moment, all right? Let's just think this through..."

"Think what through?! This should be proof, shouldn't it?! How the hell is me making gold for them a treatment for anything! I don't feel any fucking better at all, that didn't do a damn thing except help them out-"

"I know, I know, I'm not contesting any of that, Fullmetal, I'm sorry- calm down, okay, just listen, please?" Roy touched a hand to his shoulder again, gently coaxing him a little bit closer to sit back down on the bed. "For starters, why? They seem to know what they're doing- why do they need to force us to use the arrays for them, if that's what they're really after?"

"I don't know... I got the feeling that what I was doing was- wrong, somehow." Guilt needled inside him again and he squirmed, breaking his gaze. It was hard to define, combining the horror of giving in and the beautiful, euphoric rush and the terrified paranoia and- but he knew that for certain. "It was against the rules, somehow. We're not supposed to make gold- I knew the second I looked at the circle it was wrong. All of it was just wrong."

"If that's the case, that doesn't explain too much- they clearly don't go into a conniption at the thought of breaking the law; wouldn't it still be easier for them to just do this all themselves rather than force us?"

"That's- I don't- ...well don't fucking ask me!" He buried his face in his hand with a frustrated cry, battling back the panic that was already expanding to the point that it was suffocating in his chest. "I'm not the one doing all of this! Ask them, ask them! But you're fucking crazy if you think you're gonna leave me here, because I won't stay any longer! I won't go back there, I won't, I can't, and if you can still think after all of this they're actually trying to help us, then- then I- you-"

He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder again, fingers curling gently. They didn't force him- for the first time in weeks, he was being touched without being forced, and somehow the frantic coalesced ball of terror inside him crumbled just a little bit further. He jerkily looked back up at Roy through his hair, fighting for just a moment to keep the pathetic fear and lost anxiety off his face before he just gave in and let the vulnerability swallow him whole.

"It's okay," Roy said quietly again, looking him right in the eye. "I believe you now, about everything. ...I believe you, Fullmetal."

And that one strange word, and everything that it meant, was somehow all that he needed to hear.

Roy nodded to him after several moments of strained silence, the hold on his shoulder relaxing but not moving away. "We don't understand everything that's going on now, but I believe you about it all. This... whatever they did to you... it's not helping. Even if there is something wrong with us, being here isn't doing anything except hurting us more, and you... I'm with you, Fullmetal," he finished with a sigh. "We need to get out of here. And if to do that, we need to break out ourselves- then I'm with you on that, too. We'll get ourselves out, and figure things out on our own."

Ed kept himself still to the impossible words, too terrified to let himself hope. He'd hoped before, after all, hadn't he? And look where he was now- fucking snotting all over Roy's sleeve like a baby, helpless and flat out unable to take care of himself. But Roy was watching him steadily without a hint of deceit in his eyes... like he had been this entire time. Roy, who hadn't even once looked at him like he was crazy even though he'd started off today by off and sobbing into his shoulder without a word of explanation. Who, whether he liked it or not, was his one and only chance to ever get out of here and find Al again.

Who he had no reason to distrust.

"...Okay," he said at last, and this time, he meant it.

It felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and for the first time since the straitjacket had been taken off, he could actually breathe.

He hesitated for a few moments longer, breaking Roy's gaze when it became uncomfortably to pick awkwardly down at the sheets, biting his lip. He still felt shaken and too nervous and weak, like one raw nerve, and the balm lent by Roy's promise was short-lived to say the least.

Long-term plans were great, but here and now, he still felt like this. Here and now, he was still a mess, and really just needed something to hang onto- and Roy was all he had.

"What..." he started hesitantly, fingers shaking against the bed. "...What are we gonna do now?"

Roy let out a heavy sigh behind him, one that sounded just too close to defeat to be a comfort. "I don't know," he murmured. Next moment, Ed found himself being dragged gently back in an around the shoulders sort of hug, his head coming to rest against his chest while his arm wrapped around him from behind, and god, he was just too tired to be strong anymore. He shut his eyes, letting Roy hold him, and let out a shaking breath as something inside him just crumbled.

"I don't know, Fullmetal. But we'll figure something out. I promise."

And he had no choice but to believe him.

Roy was furious.

He couldn't dare show it, of course. Right now, his one and only priority had to be keeping the trembling child in his arms calm, and somehow, he doubted the way to do that would be flying off into a rage and punching out a nurse or two. He couldn't be there for Ed if he went after those nurses the way they deserved, so of course, he would just control himself-

But that did not stop the black rage consuming his heart.

How dare they?

How could the hospital have done this to him? Hurt him so badly he couldn't even put it into words; scare him so much he could barely manage to so much as face him? Ulterior motives or not, it was inexcusable. It was all but unfathomable that someone could hurt a child this way- though, in some sick way, he was almost grateful, because this was the final straw. This was all he'd had to see, to finally be swayed straight onto Ed's side of things.

There was no other explanation for what this hospital was doing to them. They weren't being helped. They were being hurt, and whoever the hell it was that had arranged all of this, wanted something from him and Ed. Maybe it was the alchemized gold, like Ed had said, maybe something else entirely- but all he knew for sure was, it wasn't to help them, and he wasn't going to just sit around and let them take it from him or Ed any more.

Well... Fullmetal, he corrected himself mentally. Not Ed. Fullmetal.

Fullmetal was another thing he didn't understand, and he was pretty sure the kid didn't, either- but it helped. It helped both of them. A name that they'd learned all on their own, that this hospital had tried to take from them but had failed. A single word that meant they were still fighting back, and that there was a life for them outside this place and what they'd been told here, and all they had to do was reach for it.

"It'll be okay, Fullmetal," he promised again, adjusting his grip a little bit around his still trembling shoulders.

The kid shifted again, half-lidded gaze still focused away from him and messy hair almost hiding his face. "We're going to find out a name for you, too, got it. You called me Fullmetal- and I'm sure I called you something, too. Colonel or whatever. We've just gotta figure out what it is."

Roy just couldn't help it. A weak smile spread across his face, melting the hurt clouding his heart like warm butter, and the hand on Ed's shoulder relaxed a little more. It wasn't that he was touched, exactly, but something about it- how Ed could be concerned and thinking of him, even now... "Thank you," he murmured back, heart shuddering with another smile.

They'd been here in his room for a while now, and sitting here quietly together for a while as well. Roy had carried him in here earlier when he'd been all but incoherent in his breakdown, wanting to get him away from any potential prying eyes of the nurses, and once he'd managed to get him to calm down they'd just been sitting here together, Roy just holding him here and trying to give him some modicum of comfort. Ed had slipped to be lying down some time ago, blinking slowly and blearily from exhaustion, head propped up on his knee and back to him. Admittedly, he did seem much calmer now, but Roy wouldn't feel better until the kid had slept some to recover from his ordeal.

For now, he was just going to have to be content to sit here like this, and lend him whatever security that he could.

"Hey, Fullmetal?" he asked quietly after a few moments, glancing back down to him.

Ed blinked sleepily again, the only motion out of him still his soft, gentle breathing. "Yeah, Colonel?"

Another weak smile forced away the mix of despair and sorrow weighing down his mind, washing it back with a wave of warmth and familiarity. It was probably insane, but he genuinely loved hearing that. "When we get out of here. Soon, hopefully... what's the plan? Where do you want to go?"

Ed's lips twitched into a small, half-hidden sort of grin. His tired face turned almost wistful, and the tense set to his shoulders relaxed just a little bit more. "I'm going to find my family."

Roy's own smile dropped.

"Your... family?" he asked hesitantly, insides clenching. It felt like he'd swallowed something distinctly unpleasant and now it was squirming around in his stomach, and he found himself suddenly having to look away, face falling. "You've... got a family?"

Ed nodded again without hesitation, and somehow the way his sleepy smile broadened felt like another punch to the gut. "Yeah," he said firmly. "Yeah, I do." He closed his eyes, pillowing his head a little more comfortably in Roy's knee. "What 'bout you?"

His insides clenched again and he almost felt his face fall again, an awful net of loneliness and powerful misery descending straight over him to cling onto every limb like sticky tar. "I..." He swallowed again, forcing his voice into something steady, that sounded like he didn't care. "I don't believe so, no. You know that I can't be positive. It's just... well, I asked the nurse a while ago... I asked her if I had any family asking about me, or coming to visit me, and she just said that no one was coming. That I... had no family."

It had been one of the distinctly more depressing moments of his time here, he remembered. It was awful enough to realize he was a mental patient with no memory- but it had been a whole other level of misery to see it didn't even matter, because even if he got better, there'd be no one waiting for him when he got out.

And to this distinctly depressing lonely story?

Ed laughed.

In his face.

For the first time since making it back to him, which made it more than worth it- but still.

"Come on, Colonel," Ed said, smirking up at him. "They're liars; you know that! You know they're just feeding you whatever they want you to hear. They said the exact same thing to me!" He laughed again a little, rolling his eyes like Roy was an idiot on the level of recordbreaking idiocy, then just shut his eyes again and left his smirk in place. "Moron."

Well, that was...

Certainly enlightening.

"Ah..." Roy flushed faintly, unsure whether to be provoked or amused. "Well, I..." Ed was right, of course. As usual- it was beginning to seem like he was always right, about everything. And now that he took a second to actually think about what he'd been told, he instantly saw how easy it would've been for they to have lied to them both about this, like they had lied about everything- but, even in that case...

"Well, I'm not about to argue against those nurses lying to us," he went on finally, forcing himself to relax again as he dropped a hand back down to Ed's shoulder. He started to absentmindedly stroke the mess of hair, as much something to calm Ed down as himself now. "But, when you said you had a family, you... seemed so sure of yourself."

This time, it was Ed's turn to pause. Not to wince and backtrack, like Roy had before, but something in his confident smirk receded a little, and the bold as brass shine in his eyes faded into a gentler, more reminiscent light. "Yeah," he murmured, dropping his tired eyes back down to the bed. "It's hard to explain, but... one day, early on, before you showed up? I just- sat down and thought about it. I mean, logically, I knew I had to have someone. No one exists without knowing anybody. So I knew I had to have a connection with someone, so I just sat down and tried to remember, and... Al." He smiled again, entire face softening with such a warm fondness, such a genuine, sincere friendship, that Roy's heart almost melted into a puddle of goo right there on the floor. "I've got someone, and his name is Al. And the first thing I do when I get out of here is I'm gonna look for him."

Yep. Heart, melted puddle of goo. Right there on the floor.

"You'll find him," he promised immediately. "If anyone can, it's you, Fullmetal." He ran his fingers through the mess of hair again, gently trying to work out the unfathomable knot of tangles.

Ed nodded back, head still resting on his leg, sleepy gaze unfocused. "Damn straight I will." He fidgeted a little, seeming to swallow a yawn. "...What about you, then? What can you remember about your family?"

Roy blinked. He looked back down at the half asleep child in his lap, the innocent, tired question suddenly all he could even think about- all he'd ever wanted to think about, as he abruptly grasped for the very first time there could be someone waiting for him out there. Beyond the black abyss of his life that this place had blocked him out from... there could actually be someone there.

He could actually find them.

A hesitant, nervous smile twisted his lips, heart fluttering anxiously in his chest. Roy took a deep breath, hand still resting in Ed's hair, and shut his eyes.

His friends.

His family.

"...Lots of blue," he heard himself say at last, and in that moment, that was what overtook his mind. "Lots and lots of blue."

This time, he could feel Fullmetal smile against his knee.

"You know that's probably the most unhelpful thing you could've ever said right now, don't you?"

And Roy couldn't help but smile back.

"Yes," he managed softly. "I do." A warm feeling of fond recognition swept through him from head to toe, and he ran a hand slowly through Ed's hair again.

Lots and lots of blue.

And this time, Ed did not laugh at him.

"Don't worry," the kid said warmly back, without even a hint of doubt. "We'll find em. Whoever they are... we'll find Al, and we'll find your blue."

Despite the fact that they were both sitting here, locked up in a psych ward, not a clue where or who they were or where to start from, Roy believed him.

"I know," he murmured. He hugged him just a little bit tighter, and this time, he left him that away, until he at last fell asleep in his arms.

When the nurses inevitably came for them, Roy was ready.

He glared the moment the door to his room opened, tightening his arms just enough around Ed to be protective. He straightened up in bed, watching darkly as Susan stepped into the dim room- just Susan, at least, one was easier to deal with than two- and was ready and waiting when her eyes met his, only to widen in surprise.

He was ready to face the consequences for this. If she realized he wasn't properly sedated and drugged and restrained him again for the night, so be it. He'd take that punishment- but he was not going to let her take Ed away from him and force him to wake up alone without a fight.

"Ah, here you two are," she said warmly, instantly starting for Ed. "Let me get him off your hands, Roy, all right? Poor boy; he had such a trying-... day..."

She trailed off uncomfortably, the gaze once focused on Ed drawn inescapably back up to his steady, waiting, unspoken threat of a glare. She blinked in the dim light, looking almost about to shiver. "...Is... everything all right, R... sir?"

Roy continued to glare, but this time, he had to seriously fight to swallow back a predatory, warning grin. Sir. Good. "He's tired," he snapped, and while he made every attempt to do it quietly, so as not to wake him up, for the first time he made no attempt to disguise the fact that he wasn't still drugged. "He's tired, and he doesn't want to be alone- because of whatever the hell you people did to him. I'm not naive enough to claim that I can stop you from taking him from me, but if you want to do that to him, you are going to have to force me." He let his hand move back to rest on Ed's head again, scowl firmly in place and every muscle tensed in preparation for what was to come.

It was worth it.

As pointless as this stand was, as nowhere as it was going to get him- it was worth it.

It was to his endless surprise, however, when Susan actually hesitated.

She glanced at him, then down to Ed again with a shadow of uncertainty flickering across her features. Her footsteps faltered in the doorway as she looked down at the small form he held protectively in his lap; Roy couldn't help but tighten his arms again, and he bristled when he realized what she was actually looking at. Ed, though he'd been so much calmer for a while now, had been crying, when they'd first seen each other, and he could still see the signs of that on his face- and that was what she was staring at.

He gritted his teeth again, injustice and rage flooding through him, and fought with everything he had to stay calm. "Whatever you did to him didn't help him," he snapped evenly, hand in his hair. "I don't think it could ever have helped anyone."

She hovered in the doorway still, nervous eyes downcast and one hand clenched around the doorframe. "...We're just doing as the doctor says," she said at last, gaze down- but in her voice, Roy at last heard something that almost gave him pause.

It sounded almost like... regret.

"It's treatment we do all the time. The doctor said so," she went on, a touch defensively now- defensive like she knew there was something to defend. "You may get worse before you get better."

"Shouldn't we get a choice, then?" he fired back, just as quietly, just as carefully, arms still tight around Ed. "If we think what you're doing is hurting us more than it's worth, shouldn't we get the choice to say no?" He paused for a moment, allowing his glare to darken into something vicious. "Or are you going to stand there and pretend that F- Edward actually consented to what you did to him."

Silence.

Susan continued to stand uncertainly in the doorway, her eyes down. Ed slept on. Roy continued to glare.

Even when she chanced another glance at Ed's still form, her eyes worried and shadowed with hesitation, he still refused to allow himself even an ounce of sympathy.

They'd done this to Ed. They'd hurt him. They'd scared him. And now, they were trying to rip him away from him and put him back in that wheelchair he hated and take him off to go wake up in his own room, alone.

There was no fucking sympathy to be had.

Not even when, bewilderingly, the nurse took a step back, moving cautiously to the hallway again, still watching the both of them with worried, uncertain eyes- and then she actually, miraculously, started to turn her back. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, voice wavering. "I was... trying to help. I..."

And then, not even finishing that last sentence, she was gone.

The door swung shut behind her with barely a whisper, and Roy was left alone on his bed, sitting there- with a still asleep Ed still in his arms.

A/N: kudos to inventory on ao3 for being the first to guess what Justin's array did!