"I just don't understand what they're doing in my house!"
I shouted nearly at the top of my lungs, my head very nearly scratched raw from all my frustrations and the persistent sound of my own protests. Since the dwarves cleaned out the entirety of my pantry, not even bothering to hide that they were making their way to another larder where more of the meats were stored, I was at the end of my rope. Completely at the end of my rope!
They all had sat there at my table throwing food back and forth, horrified even to see that Gandalf joined in on the merriment with startled tosses of flying food every so often. They feasted, threw food, spilled ale, and cheered their fellow members on when a particularly good catch was made with teeth alone. I was too distracted by Fili brushing alongside me to utter my protests when he quite literally climbed onto my table, offering ales politely all around and very nearly falling off when Dwalin swatted at him in jest. I stared at them taking full gulps of ale like they had all grown gills and switched how they breathed and then took turns belching.
Burps were always a strange sounding sensation as far as I was concerned for Hobbits and given how strange the dwarves' regular voices were, I was hardly surprised when their belches were just as interesting.
Nori was the first, his belch squeezing my nose unpleasantly before his laughter turned it into an itch that tapped far too much like a doting Grandmother. Ori followed his without pause, the lurch of expelled air booming and loud. I was taken aback by how my hands felt; so sweet and kind the dwarf's voice and sensation were, his belch was easily the loudest thing I had ever heard and likewise, his voice made me look down at my hands.
Both were empty but if I closed my eyes, I could convincingly tell myself that I had just shoved my hands into a pile of soft kittens. Soft newborn kittens!
After they finished with dinner and some got up to get something more to drink or were off to raid another of my pantries, I trailed along after Nori. He seemed to be cleaning his glass with something that once looked white but now was seeing far better days; it was only a turn in his hand that made me realize that it was one of my doilies! I should have been happy enough as a host that he was bothering to clean it out but not with my doily! Did dwarves have no honor or shame when it came to another's crochet work?
Bofur was a friendly dwarf; that much I had picked up after learning his name again and his voice pulled from me giggles of suppressed laughter as he tried to tell me all about how there were holes in my dish cloths but I had had it! I was irritated and grumbling loudly and near ready to pull out my own hair.
Hence why I was currently standing yelling at Gandalf about how dwarves were running amuck in my house! They trailed mud along the carpets and destroyed my plumbing...
...I didn't even want to think about how I managed upon that discovery...
I just wanted them out of my house and nothing of Gandalf's lighthearted protests and explanations were going to do any good!
"Excuse me," Kittens. I swear, I could still feel the soft kittens in my hands when Ori spoke to me, "I don't mean to interrupt but what should I do with my plate?"
"Here ya go, Ori, give it to me."
I yelped at the sound of Fili's voice rubbing along my butt and turned away from him just to be sure that it really wasn't his hands doing that every time he was so close to me. I watched him as he took his plate from Ori and sputtered when he threw it passed Gandalf where his brother, Kili caught it and twisted around to throw it off somewhere else. That seemed to trigger the others with what to do and I had to step out of the way before more plates came whizzing by where Fili could catch them.
While Ori seemed to quite enjoy the sight of my Mother's plates being thrown about like they were worth nothing, I protested and attempted to reach for one of them. Fili just chuckled and twisted away from my grasp, taking a bowl and bouncing it from shoulder to shoulder with a sly grin in my direction. I couldn't help the flush that spread across my cheeks because I realized that he was flirting with me! Flirting with me! Well, not really flirting if he was showing off and trying to look cool but it was- it was-
What was that sound?
"Can you not do that?!" Bofur and Nori were back at the table sitting by Dori and Gloin and were making a ruckus with some of my knives, clanging them on the table in a rhythm and swiping against one another. "You'll blunt them!"
"Oh, do you hear that lads, she says we'll blunt the knives!"
The tickle on my feet did nothing to dampen the indignation that I felt such a comment. So now they were actively teasing me when they already destroyed my plumbing, raided my larder(s), and were now throwing my dishes around like they had every right to! Of all the things that were just unacceptable in my home, I would not tolerate being made the butt of a joke!
I growled low in my throat at the sound of Kili's voice but it took me a second to even realize that he wasn't talking. He was singing! Oh, by the Valar, they were teasing me through song! If I had been in a better state to accommodate such nonsense, I would have probably noticed that they were cleaning up my plates just as easily as they were pulling out fiddles and flutes to provide themselves with accompanying music but I was practically seething at the disregard for personal property!
The very large tower of plates that Ori carried back to my kitchen made my jaw drop in amazement and I hovered a little too close to him just to be sure that he didn't drop any of them. He smiled at me kindly when he set them down but I was already turning back around to see what else was happening in the dining room. From what I last saw, plates were being tossed everywhere and the singing of voices had grown to the point where I constantly felt them on my body in differing intensities.
I could feel the tickle of Bofur and Bombur on my feet and stomach; Nori's poke on my nose, Ori and Dori confused my mouth and hands to no end with their sensations! Oin and Gloin made my ears vibrate while Kili and Fili, now so very close might as well have been groping me.
I almost winced at the utter disharmony of sensations and had to close my eyes with how overwhelming the voices were altogether but the sound of Gandalf laughing seemed to cut through all that. His voice settled on my shoulder like a guide and I managed to open my eyes and see that in front of me on the table all my precious plates, bowls and cutlery were safe and sound.
Everyone around me laughed and cheered at the good show and Gandalf winked at me knowingly, pleased when I relented and smiled a little in thanks. The sound of someone knocking made everyone go silent and I looked at Gandalf as even the smile was taken from his face.
"He is here."
The last guest that was eluded to earlier was now finally on my doorstep and maybe with his arrival, Gandalf would explain to me why he had even invited dwarves over to my hobbit hole to begin with. I followed the dwarves and Gandalf over to the door, noting with a kind of irritation that they blocked my way so that I couldn't answer my own door. It seemed that Gandalf would do the honors and he opened the door as I tried still to get closer to the door. It was my door, after all!
I couldn't much hear what was going on from the back and I couldn't see anything since everyone was so much taller than I was; Gandalf had let the dwarf inside and he was saying something; as I came closer to the front of the pack, I felt a strange tingle along my skin. His voice was just a deep baritone but I couldn't make out any words, the sensation just barely running along the edges of my consciousness until I brushed passed Dori.
" -for that mark on the door."
I shuddered and had to steady myself on the nearby wall.
I looked back to see if maybe Fili or Kili were nearby or maybe even Dori had touched me accidentally but no, he wasn't paying me any mind.
"Mark? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago."
I tried to make it sound forceful for there really was no mark on the door but as soon as I spoke, I flushed with embarrassment. Was it so obvious? Was that really my voice? Something so breathy and light shouldn't have been my voice when only a moment before it was solid enough.
"There is a mark I put it there myself."
Gandalf reproached gently, turning around and shutting the door so that I wouldn't have the urge to see his handiwork on the other side of my door. His voice settled on my shoulder, the constant presence seeming to push me to face the newcomer. I turned to face him and was surprised by the dwarf that I saw in front of me. I don't even know what I was expecting of the last guest, his dark hair threaded with silver and blue eyes that merely regarded me with only barely earned acknowledgment.
"Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."
Gandalf motioned to the dwarf in front of me whose stance was strong and his gaze cold, looking at me from top to bottom to assessing what he saw and almost smirking in a kind of amusement. I only stepped a little closer, wondering if I was supposed to shake his hand or if he was supposed to offer me his service as the others had done. Thorin just stood there next to Fili and Kili, one of his hands resting lightly on top of his sword's hilt.
He took a step towards me to face me entirely, giving me his sole attention with those focused blue eyes of his, "So, this is the hobbit."
I clenched my skirt and curled my toes; a whisper of a feeling it should have been but a stroke of fingers trailing down my back in a languid pace that stopped when his voice did. My face was surprised and flushed, I knew that it was but I couldn't help it as the touch disappeared. He stepped around me, his tone easily saying my name as if were already knew each other; I expected his voice to return to my back with a different intensity but the touch was different, trailing like a single finger along my side.
When Thorin asked me if I had done much fighting, I felt my eyes flutter because the trail of fingers burned up my arm before wisping away. "Axe or sword," he asked, the deep surety of his words sliding across my skin that made my breath hitch. I couldn't focus my thoughts enough to respond to his question because his voice was just so intoxicating. "What's your weapon of choice?"
At that question I had to look away and clench my skirt tighter, the trail of his voice leading along the inside of my thigh with such weight until it too disappeared. I sighed in forced restraint, flushed and needing fresh air. How ironic when Thorin asked me such a question that his own voice would be a weapon in and of itself.
Had I the breath for it, I would have answered that one did not need a weapon, Thorin Oakenshield, if they knew what voices could do to others.
His voice left me weakened, heated in a way I was unused to before this night when I had never known that voices could do such things as try to seduce. I tried to clear my thoughts but his eyes bore into mine and the longer they did, the more my knuckles clenched white with repressed urge. I was relieved when he took my silence for answer enough.
"Thought as much." He chuckled, his voice trailing along the soft skin of my shoulder, "She looks more like a grocer than a burglar." The touch continued along my collar bone and dipped lower before it vanished again. Everyone seemed to ease up at the comment, laughing and smiling at Thorin's assessment before he made to leave back towards the dining room where the feast had been set up earlier, the others trailing behind him.
Gandalf and I were left to wait until everyone filed out together, intent on following their leader so that he could get some food.
Finally free of Thorin's presence and his voice, I let the breath I had been holding out, gulping down air greedily even as I loosened the grip on my skirt. My fingers were sore from how tightly they bunched my skirt and I soothed them before looking back at Gandalf. He kept his own smile and appearance up but only until Thorin disappeared from sight; he leaned against the door frame, his own breath coming out in short huffs before looking at me.
Why did we both look so relieved?