Thank you all so much for reviewing!

Quick announcement- I'm going on a hiatus until April 2nd. There's a con in town that I'm going to which (as miniskirt Roy! Woo!), of course, lands right on one of the update days, and I'm a little behind on fixing up upcoming chapters anyway, so I just decided to take a week off at this point and hopefully come back strong after everything calms down. Next update will come next Tuesday, April 2nd! Sorry for the hiatus, and I'll see you then!

This time, their reunion turned hug only lasted for several moments, and once again, this time, it was Ed's fault. Roy felt Ed, still leaning against his side, Roy's arm clutched around his shoulders, start to tug at his wrist. Roy kept silent but looked down in mild surprise, watching as Ed pulled his arm down to lie in his lap, sure fingers prodding at it, turning it over, brushing against the healing scratches.

At first, those marks were what he thought the kid was after, and he swallowed, trying to think of a response that didn't paint him as crazy. "I, um… those are…"

Then, he stopped.

Ed wasn't looking at the scratches. He was looking deeper than that- to the faint red impression marks on his arm, the strikingly unique patterns from how he'd been bound.

The same marks, Roy now remembered, that Ed had had.

"…Oh," Ed said after several moments, his fingers shaking over a particularly red mark around his wrist. "They… did it to you, too."

Roy winced.

"…Yeah," he said at length. Well, it wasn't as if he could hide it now. He swallowed dryly, suddenly intensely glad Ed had no idea about the gag and would never find out, then just found himself awkwardly trying to defend the hospital; make it out to not be as bad as it seemed- as he knew Ed was starting to think. "To be fair, I don't think they really had a choice, in my case. I wasn't exactly... willing to listen to... to reason." He eyed the bruises on Ed's face again, stomach somersaulting.

His fault. It was his fault.

He'd hurt Ed.

But Ed just winced, too, still not looking at him, still not seeming to even care about the marks on his face.. "I'm sorry," he muttered, hunching his shoulders. "I- I should've told you. So you'd… like you said,so you'd b-be- prepared. I-"

"Shut up, will you," Roy sighed. He ruffled his hair again for the express purpose of annoying him, trying to get him to shake off some of the obvious guilt; it worked, but only partway, and Roy sighed again. "It's over with now, and I survived it, didn't I?" He held off that Ed had obviously had it way worse than he had, being in that room for weeks and unlike Roy actually hadn't fucking deserved it- and what was more, being coherent the whole time- somehow, he figured that wouldn't go far towards cheering him up. "I'm fine now. So you've got no reason to not be fine, either."

Ed muttered something under his breath, voice thick, and he ducked his head again, not letting Roy see as he lifted his hand up to rub at his face for a moment. "You're such a bastard," he muttered out at last, shoulders still hunched- but this time, Roy could hear the weak smile on his voice, and he knew he'd gotten through to him.

"Guilty as charged," he sighed, beaming, and reached a hand up to ruffle his hair again.

This time Ed batted at his wrist, hissing, "Next time I bite that hand OFF, bastard!" and Roy couldn't help another weak smile, letting the arm fall back down to his side and leaving the other around his shoulders.

This. This, was what he had come back for.

After several moments of peaceful silence, it somehow finally got through to him how cold the figure under his arms was. Not so chilled he had to be concerned, but cold enough, and Roy swallowed a momentary thrum of protective anger, arm tightening reflexively around his shoulders. "They did it to you again," he said quietly, some of the relief fading from his voice to be eaten by anger instead. He knew he didn't have to specify for Ed to know he meant the ice bath. He reached down, still frowning, to grab the still warm blanket and wrap it around the both of them, pressing it around Ed's shoulders tightly as the kid gave a distracted nod, still averting his eyes.

"They do a hell of a lot worse here, you know," he pointed out quietly, picking at some stray thread on his clothes with an absentminded shrug.

Roy gritted his teeth, fingers tightening again, and had to fight back another protective snap of well, they SHOULDN'T.

Not to Fullmetal, anyway…

He doesn't deserve it.

You can hardly same the say for yourself, can you, Roy?

But that didn't matter now, did it? Because Roy's intention was to get Ed out of here before they could ever do any of that to him again.

"Listen," he started after several moments, making to push him out to be held at arm's length so they could look at each other. "Fullmetal. Tonight, we-"

"Why'd you do that, bastard?" he asked, running over the words without a second thought. Finally, for the first time, Fullmetal's fierce eyes actually lifted to meet his as he pushed at the arm around his shoulders, moving back to glare at him on his own. "Why'd you freak out like that?"

"…I don't know what you're refer-"

"When I did what you did. When I skipped those pills." Ed's eyes faded a little, darkening with memory, but they still held his own. "I- look, I won't lie and say it was fun, but it wasn't… I knew where I was. I could control myself. I was okay. You…" He hesitated, biting his lip quietly as if he was just unable to help himself. "You weren't."

And for the first time, Roy had nothing to say back to him.

His mouth, still sore from the gag and sickening from the all the drugs, went dry, and he suddenly found himself licking his lips, throat aching as he looked away. "I… don't know," he said stiffly, which was the most blunt and honest truth he could give; he didn't know why the drugs had affected him differently than Ed, and didn't really care, either.

But he knew that wasn't really what Ed was asking him.

They both knew it.

After a few awkward, uncomfortable moments passed in dead silence, Ed cleared his throat, nudging at his hand again. "What you remembered," he started hesitantly, then stopped. He shifted awkwardly on the bed again. "…Whatever it was. I wouldn't put much stock in it. I mean, it was a drug-fueled hallucination, bastard- first and foremost, that's what it is. Yeah, sure, there may've been some bits of truth in there, but there's probably lots more exaggerations and lies, so there's no point in moping about it now." Edl paused again, frowning at him. "That's the whole reason I told you not to do this in the first place."

And again, Roy just looked away.

Part of him knew that what Ed was saying had to be true. Everything he'd seen, in that padded room- it all carried the ring of truth to it, but underneath that truth- well, he understood it couldn't all be real. Not unless Riza Hawkeye had followed him throughout his entire life as a creepy ghost and whispered why? to him from every corner of every room.

But he'd remembered enough that was true.

He knew enough.

And Roy hesitated as he glanced at the confident form in front of him again, the fierce, good-hearted boy who trusted him completely and was willing to do anything for him here. Who was now bruised because of him. He thought of what he remembered now. Of his blood-spattered, screaming face. Of him sitting in a wheelchair, limbs freshly lost.

Of what it meant that Roy had been there to see him like that.

Of how likely it was that he had been the one to do those things to him.

He looked at Ed, and he opened his mouth, the words already collecting on his tongue. The admissions of guilt. The apologies. The I don't know WHAT I did to you, but I know I'm the reason you don't have your arm and your leg, and I'm sorry. The admittances of everything that he'd done wrong, and the horrifically inadequate apologies that could never, ever, make up for what he'd done. It all grew in his throat and sat there on his tongue and he opened his mouth to say it all to the innocent child he'd never done anything for but hurt.

None of it came out.

He couldn't get out any of it.

And at last, Roy just looked away again, fists clenching in his lap, and buried the guilt back inside his heart.

"…I don't think I'm a good person, Fullmetal," he said at last. It was far, far from the worst of what he could've said. It was so far from it it was barely the truth at all. "I really don't."

But he knew he had to admit something to that boy now, at least.

And it was still the truth.

There was another moment of uncertain silence.

"Well," Ed said bluntly back. "I think you're wrong. And stupid."

Roy winced again, shutting his eyes as a violent shudder shook through him from head to toe. His vision clouded with the heat and screams of a nation, and the burned flesh of the woman he'd-…

I think I loved her.

And I burned her.

"Fullmetal… I don't think…" He sighed, breaking off to rub his hand over his face, trying not to look at the marks lining both his arms. "I'm telling the truth. I don't think I'm a good person. And- I don't think alchemy is good, either." He made an effort to meet his eyes again, trying to hold his gaze, trying to make him believe it. "I know what you said, how you feel good, when you do it- and I know you don't really have a choice, while you're here, I understand you're just doing what you have to to survive, but... I don't think it's good. And I don't think you should be doing it when we get out of here."

Ed's eyes widened incredulously, the kid leaning back from him to frown in disbelief. "What are you babbling about now? Alchemy's great! I mean, not what they're making us do with it, but- but you know what I mean!"

All Roy could see, though, was the fires, as he burned a country to the ground.

And his array that had done it.

All Roy could see was the scratches and bruises he'd hit into Susan and Ed.

"…I'm just saying what I think," he finished quietly, averting his eyes again. "Take it how you will."

Ed paused again, not cutting him off this time, actually taking him seriously. He was still for a few moments, looking away from him as well as he sobered, smile slipping into a more serious grimace. "I think alchemy's not good or bad, really. It's like everything else- it's just a tool. It can do good things or bad things… it just depends on who's using it." He gave him a slight grin, clearly one meant to reassure him as he reached a hand out, nudging at him again. "So yeah, it probably seems bad using it here, for these assholes- but there's nothing inherently wrong with it. I bet we're both pretty kickass with it, when we get to use it for however we actually want to."

It took Roy several moments to even realize where Ed was coming from with this; when he finally did, he felt even worse than before.

Ed thought he'd just used his alchemy to make gold here, for Justin. That was what he thought he was talking about. To Ed, that was there this sudden new reasoning had come from.

He didn't know… had no idea…

He doesn't know what you are.

Roy swallowed thickly, his mouth tasting bitter and like poison, and squeezed his eyes shut again.

He doesn't know what you've done.

It was painfully quiet for several long moments, Roy unable to get another word past the thick guilt swimming in his stomach, Ed obviously aware something was going on but not sure how best to intervene. At last, Ed gave him a harsh poke to his chest, prodding at him so hard Roy had to look at him again, and was met with steady, unwavering eyes and a ready grin. "Well, I think you're wrong. And stupid. Stupidly wrong, bastard. And, you know, this conversation is pointless regardless- it doesn't really matter if you're wrong or not, because right now, you're pretty much all that I've got. So I'd like it if you didn't make me feel like I was depending on a screw-up, thanks." And he flashed another fierce, bold grin, one that felt miles too innocent and young to ever touch his black heart, but-

It did, somehow.

Even though he didn't believe him.

Even though he was pretty sure he was much, much worse than a screw-up…

Somehow, it did.

It felt a little bit like a lie, when Roy managed to pull together a weak grin back at him. But it was necessary- because Ed was right.

They were all each other had, right now.

And right now, they had something they had to do.

"Well," he said, clearing his throat, steadying his still slightly thick voice. "On that note- you want to try breaking out of this place?" He paused, offering him a crooked smile again. "Tonight?"

Ed's face lit up like a lightbulb, and for a moment, was almost too small to contain his smile.

"Thought you'd never ask."

There were things to arrange. Ripping up the sheets of notes Ed had been collecting, trying to erase any sign that their rooms had ever been occupied by anybody other than two drugged out hospital patients, scouting out the rest of the ward, making completely sure the route they planned to take that night was still clear and that they were both sure on the plan. And then, of course, was the interminable waiting, until actual nightfall- which was pretty bad, when neither of them could sit still-

But it was bearable, because at last, they'd be getting out of here.

"You know, for what it's worth?" Ed asked, sitting back in his room waiting for the hours to pass, carefully shredding one of his sketches of the tattoos. "What we were talking about, trying to find their patient files- I actually went and did it, when you, um… freaked out, earlier. I got em."

Roy stopped in his own task, his eyes widening. "You did what?"

Ed shrugged, looking almost infuriatingly proud of himself. "Yeah. Everybody was focused on you, and I was too, at first- but then I figured, there was no time better than the present, wasn't it?" He smirked, neatly ripping up another one of the pieces into even smaller shreds. "I snuck off and managed to find our patient files. Bastard- we're totally fucking right. About everything. There wasn't any mention of schizophrenia, treatments- none of that shit. They called us fucking test subjects, and there was this one thing- protocols to keep subjects docile and productive were working- no part of it read like an actual, legit patient file. We're totally fucking right. These people are psycho."

Roy swallowed a laugh in his throat, rolling his eyes. "You are too smart for your own good, I think," he said, neatly ripping up his own sheet of notes to discard of. He grimaced after a moment, glancing back up at him. "So, manage to find anything actually useful in this little jaunt of yours? Did the files give you something helpful, like… I don't know, a home address, or…?"

Ed scowled angrily, and his next rip was so fast the papers almost hit the floor. "Well excuse fucking me. I've gotta do everything around here, apparently? Can't help yourself? Need little old me to do it all for you, now?"

"Wait- wait." Roy leaned forward, holding his gaze with the most serious look that he could muster, fighting his smile back even though it took just about all of his strength. "Wait, Fullmetal, this- wow. I can't believe it… have you actually admitted it, now? Have you finally accepted it?"

Ed stared at him like he'd just sprouted a second head. "Accepted what, you asshole?"

"Your reality." He swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady, then just gave up as a tiny, proud smirk slipped through. "Of being little."

It took several moments for Ed to get it.

When he finally did, the slow, furious reddening of his face, the way his eyes widened, and his mouth started to open to initiate the loudest rant of his life, was easily the best thing Roy had seen all week.

"I can't believe I ever fucking missed you YOU STUPID BASTARD SON OF A-"

The door to his room slammed open.

Laughter was still caught in Roy's chest, a smile on his face and hands shaking with suppressed mirth. He crumpled the sheets still in his hands on instinct alone, just too shaken and exhausted and relieved to be terrified anymore as he started to turn back around to face it; Ed's rant had been stopped, but the kid was still red-faced and furious as he turned around, fist clenched, as they both shifted to face the intruder.

For a few moments, Roy was still too out of it for him to really even grasp what was going on. It wasn't one of the nurses, which made this a first; they'd never seen anyone other than Ann or Susan in their tiny locked ward. It was Justin, and some strangers behind him. Which was completely unexpected and out of nowhere- but after however many weeks or months they'd spent here, never given the freedom to do anything but just accept what was happening to them, he'd lost the ability to really be horrified or stricken anymore. It took him a few seconds to manage to smother the grin from his face, trying to go for their usual drugged, sedated facade, listening as Ed did the same…

And Justin just stood in the doorway, and impassively looked at them.

"Well," the doctor said at last, folding his arms. "Here we are."

Roy paused, glancing between him and Ed- not surprised to find the kid just as out of it as he was. So, how were they supposed to respond to that…?

"Here you two are. I'm glad you're together, it'll save some time- although… somehow? I'm not very surprised."

Roy again exchanged an uncertain glance with Ed. Again, he wasn't surprised to see that he obviously had no clue what was going. Which was good, because Roy didn't, either.

"Allow me to explain," he said coldly, impassive glare traveling between the two of them with absolutely none of warmth or caring that had been there before. Sure, Roy had never believed it for a second, but at least the facade had been there- but now…

There was nothing there but cold dislike, and a steadily growing warning.

"I met Roy earlier today, Edward," Justin said, gesturing at him. "And something was odd about him, but I couldn't really put my finger on it at first. He seemed perfectly normal, after all. Acted just like you." He took several small steps into the room, and the two men behind him followed.

They were dressed like hospital staff, but somehow, Roy got the feeling that they weren't nurses.

He got the feeling they weren't here to help at all.

Roy exchanged another nervous look with Ed, heart squeezing anxiously, and looked back to Justin. Slowly, tremulously, he started to get to his feet; he heard the kid do the same, even as Roy held his arm out just a little and moved to just stand in front of him.

Justin did not appear impressed.

At all.

"It wasn't until after you'd begged your way into getting me to let you leave, Roy," he went on coldly, "that I realized. You'd been acting just like Edward here- acting as if you'd been sedated." He took one more step forward, uncrossing his arms for one to hand fall down to his pocket- and the men behind him, advancing still. His frown deepened.

"Which I found especially odd, because I've been following your treatment, Roy, and happen to know that you hadn't been given any sedatives in four days."

Roy blinked.

Justin continued to glare.

And then, his heart dropped.

…oh… shit…

"Considering just how well your behavior matched Edward's, Roy," he went on, a small, almost nasty smile starting to grow, "I wondered just how best to explain it. Seeing as, well- Edward's been on sedatives every time I've met him. And you weren't." He tilted his head, withdrawing his hand from his pocket, and that nasty smile grew. "Supposedly, anyway."

And he held out his hand.

Roy's heart dropped again.

"Care to explain this?" Justin asked coldly, rolling the dozen or so small white capsules around his palm. "These, and the four dozen more that I found where they came from?"

The dozen or so skipped sedatives that they'd both been hiding under the couch cushions ever since they'd come here.

A/N: see you April 2nd!

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