Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Never did and never will. Alas.

A/N: Yes sir, I'm back from Junksville (as they say) and ready to work. No more heroin for me! I've been sober for almost 30 days. Also, I have my own production company now. Our first three projects are a sitcom called Rare Birds, a spy series, and an originalized version of this very script. if all goes as planned they should all be on Amazon Prime soon enough. Hopefully you guys will tune in. It should be pretty cool.

(Establishing shot of church. Probably St. James in Arlington, VA... because it's beautiful)

(Inside the Church, in some sort of waiting area next to the vocations office[?]. Magenta - dressed in something dark blue and practical - is looking rather surly. Columbia stands beside her, cheerful yet nervous. They're waiting for)

Magenta: Earthlings worship their Gods here? (sarcastically) How extraordinary.

Columbia: Well, yeah... it's a Church.

Magenta: It reminds me of bureaucracy and death. Like a funeral home meets the DVM, or whatever it's called. There really ought to be a long line of collection of weary, unemployed dropouts. It's that sort of place.

Columbia: Well, that's just this room. (Smiles happily) I think it's pretty - especially the stained glass!

Magenta: Oh, you would.

Columbia: Be nice, Mags.

Magenta: Please don't call me that. I'm not a stray puppy... or a pet frog.

(Before Columbia can reply a gloomy, glasses-wearing Church official appears. His name is Mr. Boterham [Dutch for sandwich] and he looks a bit undead. He probably hasn't smiled since 1930 or so)

Boterham: (peering at the girls over his glasses) You're here about the janitorial job, I - hum! - presume.

Magenta: (charmingly) Of course.

Boterham: Hum. My name is Mr. Boterham. Why don't you follow me... this way...

Columbia: Wait!

Magenta: What?

Columbia: Shouldn't I be at school?

Magenta: You're right. (Pause) Well, go on then.

(Columbia leaves, rather quickly)

Boterham: Hum! Follow me... this way...

Please Review! Or something! Ye Gods, I haven't done this in ages...

A/N: When Magenta says "DVM" she means "DMV", as in the hellish place with all the lines where one goes to get a Driver's License. Also, in this context, the word "hum" doesn't mean anything. It's a sound made by a slightly insane old man.