Chapter 14 : Cycles

"Hello there, Anakin. How was your day?"

Obi-Wan's greeting when Anakin burst in through the door was the same as always when he was at home and Anakin entered after a long day with classes.

What was not the same was his appearance and his Force aura. It had been a long day contemplating the last year's events, and he felt mentally and physically exhausted despite doing nothing but sitting on the couch staring out into empty space all day.

Anakin immediately noticed the thick atmosphere.

"Master? What is it? Are you sick? Should I call the healers?"

"No!"

Obi-Wan's answer was harsher than intended. Much harsher.

"No," he added more softly, "I'm fine, I was just thinking."

"Must have been some thoughts," Anakin grumbled. "You were unusually quiet yesterday…oh….it's that day, isn't it?"

He looked up at his Master with round blue eyes.

"Yes, Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed softly, "it's that day."

Anakin sat down, for once very quiet.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"Yes."

No need of lying when something was as clearly visible as his mood today. Anakin would see straight through a lie anyway. They had already become very attuned to each other and opposed to many other Master/Padawan teams in the Temple they were already able to run full scale speechless conversations.

"Would you…would you want him here more than me, now?" Anakin's voice was thin and a bit shaky.

Obi-Wan felt like being struck by a lightening bolt. He honestly didn't know what to say for a moment. Sometimes he missed Qui-Gon Jinn so much that it felt almost like physical pain, he missed his advice, his sometimes sarcastic comments and his stubborn belief in himself and his ways, even when it was utterly annoying.

And yet, after this year, the thought of not having Anakin in his life felt almost as painful. Being stuck in the apartment without the young, lively, boisterous and sometimes annoying presence of his young Padawan was almost unthinkable. Almost.

The silence between the two became almost unbearable for a moment. Then Obi-Wan looked up.

"No, Anakin, not more than you. But not much less either. I miss him, that's true because we had a long history together, but without you I would miss my own -our- future."

A chill ran through his body in the very same moment the last word was uttered, and he felt something…dark sweep through the room. Then it disappeared and the light was back.

"What I'd wish for would be having both him and you alive and well here," he sighed, "though I know that is an impossible wish."

Anakin stretched out a small hand and squeezed his Master's larger one.

"Mom said that nothing lasts forever and that we should be grateful for the good persons who come in our way," he said, using a phrasing much older than his own age should imply. Then he brightened.

"Come Master, let's go for a walk."

Obi-Wan raised an amused eyebrow.

"Walk? Where?"

"You'll see."

Curiously he followed his Padawan out the door.

….

The Garden of Thousand Fountains was unusually quiet at this time of the day. Even at it's more crowded periods it was not a noisy place per se, but many Jedi found the place calming and chose to gather there for quiet contemplation, meditation or even just hanging out with friends. But when Obi-Wan and Anakin entered there were just a couple of meditating old Masters to be seen.

Anakin tugged Obi-Wan's sleeve.

"Come…"

They crossed through he garden obviously aiming for the little lake which stretched out in the inner part of the garden. The tingling of droplets from the many fountains in the center was the only sound that could be heard together with the twittering from small birds nesting in the tall trees nearby the lake.

Anakin didn't stop by the lake, instead he continued downstream the little river that fed water from the lake into the recirculation system. Obi-Wan drew a relieved sigh. At least they didn't go upstream. He had no particular desire to see again the cliff where Bruck Chun had lost his life so many years ago.

They ducked beneath a couple of low hanging branched and came to a small opening in the thick vegetation. The river was clucking and burbling happily as it passed by on it's way to recirc.

"Sit," Anakin ordered. "Feel."

Obi-Wan cast another amused glance at his Padawan.

When the Padawan teaches the Master, the pairing is right.

The old saying fluttered through his mind, and he realised the depth of it. Whatever Anakin was up to, it would be interesting.

So he obeyed. He sat down on the grass and stretched out with his feelings. He could feel life vibrating around him. He could feel the trees and the bushes, quiet and content in the safe environment the garden provided. He could feel myriads of small insects, carrying pollen back and forth through the vegetation. He could feel the water passing by, entering a new cycle…

Oh…

A new cycle.

There it was, clear as daylight. A new cycle. In the same way as the water in the artificial lake was recycled and in the same way as the vegetation renewed itself in cycles his life was about to be renewed. The old life he'd shared with his Master was truly left behind and a new cycle of life with his own Padawan had begun.

He'd known it for a while. He'd partly and gradually come to terms with it throughout the last stressful year, but now he was ready to embrace it.

And in that moment he felt it.

A low contented chuckle in the breeze and the brief touch of a big hand on his shoulder, and then it was gone again, as if it had never happened.

"Qui-Gon? Master?" His lips moved without any sounds. No further answer was acquired.

It wasn't necessary. He'd already got his answer. That would be enough.

Slowly he opened his eyes, and looked at Anakin.

The youth's expression was eager, anxious and yet full of a wisdom older than his years.

"Did you feel it?" Anakin said eagerly. "Did you feel him? Master Qui-Gon, I mean."

Obi-Wan nodded slowly.

"Maybe. I'm not sure. Have you come here often?"

Anakin looked down. "Not recently, but when we came here I decided to explore the garden and when I felt sad I came here where no-one could see me. I sometimes…well…wanted to cry. And I didn't want anyone to see it."

Obi-Wan nodded. He could understand the boy's feelings, even though he felt a bit ashamed for not providing enough comfort and support through their first turbulent weeks. At least he was supposed to be the grown up of the team.

"And then," Anakin continued, "I sensed Master Qui-Gon here too, and he told me it was OK to be sad but I shouldn't let it overpower me. Once I even could see him. I think, but I may have fallen asleep too and dreamt it. He was kinda…like on Naboo, before….well, you know…but he was blue all over."

Obi-Wan nodded. He didn't feel to certain about the entire 'blue Qui-Gon' thing but he'd learned his lesson. Cycles. That was it. They had begun a new cycle of life.

Slowly he stood up from the ground. Anakin did the same, and without any more words they found their way out from the green quiet cave.

As they continued up the path towards the entrance of the gardens, he let his hand rest on the Padawan's shoulder. There was something reassuring in the touch for both of them. Life would go on.

"Thanks for taking me here," he said. "I'm glad we're a team, Anakin."

"Me too," Anakin beamed towards him, "we're 'The Team', Master."