Thank you all so much for reviewing! Aghhh, I'm sorry this is... almost a week late, by this point... I don't know, this chapter just really did not want to be written. I'm not sure what it was about it, but it just refused to happen and even when I finally finished, I wasn't too happy with it. Meh. :/ Regardless, there's one more chapter at Madame Christmas' place, which I'll post whenever I finish (soon, hopefully), then I'll probably go on a very brief hiatus, just to actually everything else. All that's left is the final battle, then the resolution, so there's really not much left, but I'd just rather have it all done so I don't run into problems like this again. Anyway, I'll have a more clearer statement on that next chapter. See you then!
Ed was… suspicious.
That was the best word for it.
Suspicious.
Sure, he was thrilled, too. Mostly he was completely and totally fucking thrilled. His Al was here, and real, and that was at once absolutely everything he had ever wanted, and that moment was the happiest he could ever remember being. It was the first time he'd been able to relax without Roy being in the room; hell, he didn't even know where Roy had gotten off to- just, one moment, the bastard was there, and the next he wasn't, but it didn't matter at all, because Al was there.
But Ed wasn't an idiot.
And as fucking relieved, and put at ease, and finally calm, and happy as he was to have his brother back-
He knew something was wrong.
Really, not just something- it was a giant fucking pink elephant in the corner of the room that nobody was talking about:
Why was his brother an empty suit of armor?
Ed hadn't believed it at first, trying to guess that it was just way too big for him- for, um, some reason- but with as many times as Al had hugged him and all the different ways Al had stayed sitting next to him, it was as obvious as it was undeniable. There was not a human being anywhere in that armor.
Which raised the first question as to how on earth it was walking around and talking- and the second, far more important question, as to why was that his brother?
No one else seemed concerned. Why was he the only one concerned by this? Why was he the only one who took a second glance at what appeared to be a fucking possessed suit of armor?
As relieved as he was to finally be able to see him, this was something that couldn't wait.
Ed didn't dare ask anything at first, wanting to wait until they got privacy. Luckily, that didn't seem to be very hard to come by. Roy had left almost immediately, leaving only a few soldiers and women behind, but they hadn't bothered him or Al, and it hadn't taken long for them to leave, either- apparently, everyone wanted him and Al to have some privacy.
Ed was glad for it. Sitting there alone on a couch, Al's massive arm draped so gently around him it was as if he was made of silk instead of steel, his brother as big and safe as Roy was warm-
Even with all the worries and fears still weighing on his mind, this moment was all he had ever wished for.
"How did you even get here so fast?" he asked after a long period of silence, curled and blissfully happy on the plush, scarlet cushion. Al was unnaturally still next to him, his huge hand so gently on his arm it was almost heartbreaking. "All the others said… they told me it wouldn't be until tonight…"
Al laughed nervously, voice still eerily metallic but so comforting and familiar he just didn't care. "Oh- y-yeah, well… okay, you've gotta keep it a secret from Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. It wasn't… er… legal. Or safe."
Ed perked up at that, lifting his head up just enough to stare at his little, big brother. "Really?" he pressed, starting to grin.
Al nodded, and Ed swore he saw that immovable, metal face start to smile. "It's not my fault, though! Really! I was down south, stuck in some rural little village, the trains kept getting rerouted- I got sick of waiting, I wanted to see you, Brother, and people kept telling me it was gonna take longer and longer-" He stopped, fidgeting awkwardly again. "So I just… left. …On my own."
"…What do you mean?"
Al shrunk down a little as if embarrassed, but his huge hand never left his arm. "I just walked out of the village. Or… ran out. My train got rescheduled again last night, they canceled it, they said I'd have to wait until tomorrow so I- I just- left, Brother. I just ran out of the village." He shrugged sheepishly, smiling even brighter now. "Some time last night, actually."
Ed blinked.
"I- I know I never did this with you, Brother, or- well, I g-guess you don't remember, but… well, I can run pretty fast. Really, really fast, actually. And I never get tired, so I can run really, really fast for a really, really long time." His brother seemed to almost wilt for a moment, softening under his scrutiny and turning his helmet away. "I just followed the train tracks towards Central. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes probably wouldn't be very pleased, he'd say it wasn't safe, but- but it wasn't as if anything could happen to me! It was safe, it's not as if any trains are coming into the city anyway anymore, nothing could happen- and I had to get here! I had to see you, Brother!"
Ed sank shakily back into the cushions, now just staring up at his brother in disbelief. He'd… what? Al had just- walked here? "H-how far was it…?" he asked, starting to push himself up just a little more.
"Oh, not far! I left yesterday afternoon, and- and I spent a while trying to get into the city and then looking for this place! I haven't been traveling the whole time, really!" Al paused again, tugging gently on the long, white plume coming from his helmet. "I think it was about two hundred miles, maybe…"
"T-two hundred what?!" he spluttered frantically.
"It wasn't that bad, though, honest…" Al went on, not even seeming to have heard his protest as he continued to try and reassure him, as if this wasn't crazy and ridiculous and impossible and insane. "Although, please don't tell Mr. Hughes. See, no one's really allowed into Central right now- he'd worked it out so I could come on that train, but then I didn't, so I had to find another way in… I don't think it was, um, legal, but- I kinda alchemized a tunnel? I mean, I got rid of it right after! It's not there anymore, not one could follow me! I just… don't think Mr. Hughes would be pleased…"
"I-" Ed thought of Roy's overprotective friend, the one who always seemed to be nagging him to rest or trying to cheer Roy up at the slightest sign of unhappiness, and found himself agreeing. No, Hughes probably wouldn't be happy to hear about Al's many hour long adventure to get to the city this early. "That's-" God, Al had really gone to all this effort? And for him?
"But why? How the hell-" He tried to get himself to relax, rubbing one shaky hand at his cold face, but it was a failed effort from the very start. It was okay; Al was here now, finally, at last, and obviously safe, too, everything was okay- even if it still didn't make much sense. "You said the train was still coming in tomorrow, right? Why would you- what was the… you didn't have to do any of this."
"Yes, I did."
"But it was just one more day, I-"
"I don't care if it was an extra hour; that was too long, Brother! Not when you've already been missing for so long! Mr. Hughes kept scaring me over the phone, he was trying not to but I knew it was bad, and I've missed you so much, I've been looking everywhere for you- I wasn't going to let a stupid train schedule keep stopping me when there was another way! Mr. Hughes told me to just wait, but I- I couldn't anymore! I had to see you, so I did! And it was a good decision, Brother, and I'm glad I did it, so don't go on tattling to the lieutenant colonel like it'll change my mind."
Ed stared blankly up at him.
He blinked several times, stunned.
His brother… his little brother, if everything was to be believed, his fourteen year old brother…
This was him. Right here.
His little brother had done all these things, and come all this way… just to see him.
His heart swelled into an uncomfortable lump in his throat, and for a moment, he was so stricken he couldn't even breathe.
Then, he leaned up into Al's big hand, no matter how cold or unnatural or just inhuman it felt, and for the first time since Roy actually found himself taking comfort from another person.
There were so many things that he wanted to say, a bewilderment that Al had missed him, an apology for not being able to ever remember anything, and then another one for everything Al seemed to have gone through- but he just seemed so happy to be here Ed couldn't find it in him to say all the things he probably should.
Because he was finally happy too, damn it.
"…Thanks for coming," he said at last, and curled up even closer to his brother.
Al sat even closer to him then, seeming careful with the way he held him with his hard, cold, probably uncomfortable body so close to his. Ed didn't know if it was long years of practice or what, but for a giant suit of armor, his hugs really weren't half bad.
"Don't worry," Al told him after several moments, touching his shoulder. "They told me on the phone they want me to do some research, to figure out how we can finally help you, but- but I'm not leaving, okay? I'll just get a few books from the library and come back here right away, so we can work on them together. That's how we're supposed to do it. I don't care what the military wants; I'm not leaving again."
Ed winced at those words, tearing his eyes away to stare back down at his hand again. He curled up a little tighter, his face suddenly warming, and it was abruptly hard to find the words out of the lump in his throat. "…I, um… can't help, though. I…" He thought of Roy, and how hard the older alchemist had been working with his gloves- and how little fruits his efforts had ever shown. "I don't remember anything, so I… I won't really be able to… to help you." He bit his lip harder, trying to force himself to look away. "If it'd be faster, then you… you should just work at the library- you don't need to look after me, I'll be-"
"No. I'm not looking after you, Brother; don't say that. I'm here because I want to be, because I missed you- not just so I can take care of you! Don't bother trying to tell me not to; we work together, that's how it always is and how it always will be. We'll figure this out together, I promise- we'll figure this out, and get both you and the colonel back to how you should be. And even if I could do it a little bit faster at the library, I don't care. I want to be here with you and that's the end of it!" Al's hand tightened over his arm, holding him even closer like a protective bodyguard, like it'd take all of Roy's team and then some to even manage to pull him away- and Ed, looking up at his brother, believed it.
Al wasn't going anywhere. He was here for him, with him, because he wanted to be.
Ed ducked his head, trying not to let anyone else see the huge smile fighting its way onto his face, and for several moments, just sat there and beamed, because he was too happy to do anything else.
I knew I had a family. I knew had my Al. I knew it, fucking Justin, I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT!
And for several moments, that was all it was- just that precious, content, blissful silence.
Then, however, Al moved to break it.
"…No one's told you about me, have they?"
Ed frowned a little, still too content to be worried as he shifted to get a better look at him. "What do you mean? That you're my brother? I already- they didn't have to tell me! I remembered your name without them!" He smiled a little more, hoping to reassure or convince him, because that had to mean something, right? Out of everybody in the world, Al's name was the only one he'd remembered. That was big. That was important. Al was important to him.
Al, however, did not seem very reassured.
"No, Brother," he said quietly after a dead, thick, uncomfortable silence. "I mean why I'm like this." He gestured one cold armor glove up and down himself, then looked down to Ed and did it again, those strangely inhuman yet familiar eyes watching him carefully with all the sorrow in the world. "Why we're both like this… why you're missing your arm and leg, and why I'm in this suit of armor."
Ed opened his mouth, already set on trying to reassure his brother, because one thing he was sure of was that he had scared him enough over these past few months, the words were already half out of him-
And then, he stopped.
Oh.
There it was. What he'd been suspicious about- just… right out in the open.
Ed had never imagined it'd come out as easily as this. But here it was.
He opened and shut his mouth uselessly again, heart sinking, and shook his head.
He'd been suspicious about it, and he'd wanted to know- had even been planning out how he was going to ask it, but now- now Al had just… brought it up all by himself. He hadn't even tried to hide it from him or pretend it wasn't a big deal.
This was both easier than expected, and superbly unnerving.
"…No," he answered at last, swallowing hard. "No one… really has."
No one had, not once- and he couldn't lie and say that strange silence, too, hadn't been oddly frightening and worrisome. All of Roy's family, all of Roy's military friends, they'd all told him they didn't know the full story, that it was best if they didn't try to explain it to him when they didn't understand it all- and the thing was, Ed hadn't gotten the feeling that they were lying. He would've been more upset if he had… but it had felt like everyone here honestly wanted to help him- they just didn't know what to say.
Al, however, did.
His brother sighed, not breaking contact, not even seeming to hesitate, just moving a little bit closer and touching his hand to Ed's again. "I thought so," he said, glancing surreptitiously around the still empty room.
There was an awkward, very unsettling pause.
"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes said I probably shouldn't talk to you about this," Al went on at last. "That if I try to explain everything now, it'll just upset you, and it'll be easier if we just wait until we've fixed your memories- and he is right, in a way. I understand where he's coming from, and if he wants to keep things from the Colonel, I won't stop him… it'd be easier if we could wait. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to lie to you, and- I'm guessing that's not even an option at this point, anyway." Al hesitated again, averting his bright red, firelike eyes. "I can tell just by the way you've been looking at me you're thinking about it. That you're worried about it."
"Well, I- I'm not exactly-" Ed stopped, swallowing hard, then shuddered. There wasn't any point in denying it, was there? It was the truth, and- and he wanted to know. He had to. Even as unsettling and downright scary as it was sounded, it was his own past, his own family, everything he'd been looking for for so long-
He had to do this.
He had to hear it.
"I know you're not stupid," Al sighed. "You've probably already figured some of it out for yourself and if we don't say anything, you'll just worry and make everything so much worse in your head and- and you deserve to know. So I'll tell you. But-" Al shifted around, meeting his eyes again and holding his shoulder tighter, suddenly stern, somehow, stern in a way that didn't make any sense at all coming from a cold suit of armor but that Ed believed all the same. "But you have to promise to let me explain it all and actually listen to me, Brother. Don't draw your own wild conclusions- that's the sort of thing you like to do but that won't help now, it'll just make everything worse! You have to actually let me explain, okay? I promise that things aren't as bad as they may sound at first."
Ed swallowed hard, staring up at his brother. It took him a moment or two, but, finally, he nodded.
Absolutely none of this sounded good. None of this sounded good in any way whatsoever. Hell, this was the most anxious he'd been all week. His stomach suddenly squirmed like he'd eaten a basket of worms and he scooted backwards an inch, taking in a shaky, shuddering breath that totally failed at calming him down.
This did not sound good. This did not sound good. Oh, this really did not fucking sound good at all.
But it was too fucking late to take any of this back any more. He had to know.
And Al could tell him.
"Our mom died," Al said haltingly, hand resting gently on his. "When we were both pretty young. Our dad had left a long time before that, so it had been just us three, she was all we had, and when she died… we only had each other. We were both little kids, and probably too smart for our own good, and no one was really looking after us who could've stopped us- so… so we got the idea to play god. You suggested we could try and bring Mom back, and… I agreed, Brother." Al stopped for a moment, his small, metallic voice wavering. "That's against the alchemy rules. You're not supposed to do that. But we both knew that, and we both decided to do it anyway. You didn't force or trick me. I had the same knowledge as you, we both knew it was a bad idea- you suggested it, and I chose to follow you."
Against the rules…?
Ed sat frozen on the couch, swallowing hard, and said absolutely nothing.
Against the rules…
Truth.
…He'd said I'd seen him before…
…He said he was there to punish people who broke the rules…
Ed held very still, still quiet, and refused to let himself look at Al again.
That thing said he was there to punish people who broke the rules. To take tolls from them.
And Al had just said, they'd broken the rules.
Shuddering, Ed looked down, first to his own missing limbs, then over at Al's conspicuously totally missing body.
"These were our tolls, weren't they."
It wasn't a question- even when Al twitched and jumped like it was one.
"W-what was-"
"My limbs, and your body. That was it. That was our toll for breaking the rules."
Al stared down at him, obviously shocked he'd put it together so quickly. "I- w-well-" he stammered, inching closer. "…yes. How'd- how'd you know that, Brother…?"
"…Just a lucky guess," he murmured, looking away.
So this was it. The answer to everything.
This was why he was who he was. This was why his brother was this oddly inhuman but painfully human creature all at the same time, sitting next to him as cold as ice but as real as Roy. This was who he was, and who Al was. This was why he'd never remembered anybody else but Al- because he had nobody else.
This was everything.
"…We did all this for our mom?" he asked uncomfortably, just barely looking at his brother out of the corner of his eye. "To bring her back?"
"We… I don't know." Al sighed, lowering his head to stare miserably down to his lap. "We did it because were scared, and young, and hurt, and- and just couldn't accept we'd have to keep going without her. She was all we had, and when she died, we… we got scared. We didn't try to look around and see all that we still had, all the friends and support we had now- we just let out lives stop and told ourselves we were doing it for her. But, I… I think now, Brother, we were doing it for ourselves."
Ed curled up a little tighter, shuddering into the couch. He suddenly missed Roy again, not wanting Al to go but wanting both of them there instead, but it was too want that, and instead all there was, was this.
"I…" he broke off, flinching, then tried again, struggling to keep his voice steady. "I'm…"
"I know, Brother," Al said softly, running his hand down his arm again. "I know." He moved a little bit closer, those gentle, soulfire eyes softening with concern. "We're trying to fix each other- that's what we've been trying for a long time. And we will. We're going to get both our bodies back- and we're going to get your memories back, too. Together, Brother. I promise."
And to that, Ed once again just found himself with nothing to say.
The lump was still growing in his throat, his heart aching in his chest, any and all possible words completely lost- but Al, just like Roy, was finally there, promising him that everything would be okay…
And for the very first time, Ed believed him.
His brother, his Al, was here.
He leaned against that cold, metal arm, shutting his eyes with a shuddering sigh, and let himself believe that everything could be all right again.
Those few days after Al's arrival, finally, were the closest to normal that Maes and everyone else had spent so long fighting for.
Roy was clearly most comfortable with Maes, but softened up quickly to anyone wearing the uniform and was plainly trying his hardest to work with them instead of against them. Ed, on the other hand, finally relaxed now that his brother was there, and was at last tying to work with them as well. Sure, it was obvious he wasn't really comfortable with anyone except Al, and Maes could never tell how much the two alchemists really trusted them- but they were both trying, and that was all he could ask for.
It was an all but unspoken agreement that until Roy and Ed were healed more, they would be kept safe here at Madame Christmas's, and that was the end of it. Christmas and Roy's staff had been keeping a careful eye out, examining their recovery, and they were tentatively hoping to be able to meet with the military this time next week. As much as Maes wanted to keep them safe and isolated from the military- considering what they now suspected about the budding civil war, he could not, in good conscience, keep them protected here much longer.
But they were recovering well. Both had gone from almost bedridden to being strong enough to move around and explore, seeming almost disturbingly good at tolerating the pain from their numerous injuries. But they were healing, both of them. Fevers were lower, sleep was increasingly restful, appetites were back- the first time Ed had tentatively asked for seconds, Maes was reasonably sure he'd almost witnessed a suit of armor burst into tears.
Physically, both alchemists were improving so much that Maes almost wanted to sing.
Physically.
Only physically.
Maes was… trying not to think about anything else, really.
Because as glad as he was that they were getting better, as happy as he felt and as much as he smiled to look at them and see them actually, finally, improving, feeling safe and possibly even happy for the first time since that goddamn hospital had kidnapped him-
Sometimes it all felt like one big lie that was only true on the surface, because the moment Maes looked deeper, they weren't.
They still stuck to each other like glue; for all they'd fought like cats and dogs before, now it took a near miracle just to get for them to consent to being separated at all. They flinched at any sudden noise or surprise; just a simple car backfiring outside having been enough to startle them both so badly it had taken an hour for them to stop shaking.
Ed couldn't be left alone.
Literally, actually.
They simply could not leave Ed in a room alone, no matter for what purpose or for how long. They'd tried to, at first, not on purpose but just because it was pretty difficult to always have someone in the same room as he was- but Ed's reactions had proved it couldn't be done.
Every single time, he'd bolted towards the door to follow them out so fast Maes wouldn't have been surprised if it had torn his stitches.
Every single time, he'd refused to answer when asked what was wrong… but his face would be white as a sheet, and he wouldn't even start to calm down until he was back with Roy or Al. He couldn't do it. He just could not- he would not even try. He wouldn't talk about it, he wouldn't explain why, he wouldn't even look at them, he'd just stick close to his brother or the colonel pale and trembling and scared-
It had been six days, now, since they'd been saved; three since Al had gotten here- and Ed still couldn't stand to be left alone in a room for even a minute. Maes hadn't dared to interrogate him on it, but honestly, just knowing what he did, about what Ed had been through?
He was pretty sure he could guess why.
It made his blood run cold and his jaw clench with dark anger- but he could guess why.
Roy, for his part, hadn't taken Maes' jacket off even once. He even slept with the damn thing.
It would've been touching, if it hadn't made his chest clench to even think about how vulnerable or hurt his best friend had to be to be acting this way in the first place.
Neither of the alchemists were sleeping well.
Neither of the alchemists had so much as tolerated it when they'd tried to have a private doctor come here to check them out. Which, well, Maes had seen coming- but the all but screaming fits and outright threats of murder had been frightening, even to him.
He and Al, and he and Al only, were the only ones who'd been able to change the bandages or so much as check their temperatures.
In short?
Ed and Roy were doing better than they had been before.
That didn't mean, however, that they were okay.
Not even close.
Maes sighed deeply as he parked his car, turning off the engine as he just rested his head against the wheel for a moment and breathed. Day four, then. Day four of running a protection detail on two alchemists who wanted next to nothing to do with them, who were so mistreated and hurt they were all one wrong move away from provoking their permanent distrust- and who still didn't remember Maes, or Riza, or anybody else.
He really wished things would start to get better here. He really, really did.
He wasn't sure how much suffering Ed and Roy could take, at this point.
Maes sighed again, pocketing his keys and turning down the sidewalk towards the bar. Alphonse, he already knew, wouldn't be there. He'd been spending more and more time at the library, desperately researching everything he could get his hands on about how he might be able to help his brother. It had been a nightmare to even get him to go the library at first; despite all of Al's and Maes' attempts, not even State Alchemists were allowed to check out books and bring them home- there was just no choice but for Al to have to leave Ed behind as he frantically poured through all of Central's resources for an answer. There was no way Ed was well enough to go with him, not even just to lie down on the floor of a research room while Al worked. And even once Al had reluctantly accepted being separated from his brother, it had still been a fucking nightmare- they'd been trying to balance it, have Al only be gone when Ed was asleep, but it was hard, and even harder for Al… the first time he'd had to stand up and leave his brother behind, even to help him, it had been almost heartbreaking.
It wasn't getting any easier, either… but Al was just the only one who could do it.
The sooner he found the answer to fixing their memories, the better for everyone. It had to be done, and that was that.
No matter how hard it was for them all.
At last, stretching tiredly, Maes made it to the bar. He could almost feel Breda watching him, concealed on a rooftop across the street; the back of his neck prickled but he just pushed ahead anyway, refusing to turn back as he prepared himself to once again face his traumatized best friend, and even more traumatized subordinate.
Except, the moment Maes stepped into Madame Christmas' bar- it was very apparent that something was wrong.
The atmosphere was just... off. Stifled, somehow, the usually laidback bar suddenly stiff and quiet from the moment he walked in the door. Some of Roy's sisters were congregated downstairs, eating breakfast with a noticeably subdued air, and while Roy's staff was also present, they seemed just as downtrodden as everyone else. Hawkeye in particular, he noted, stood by the stairs with her gaze fixed on the floor, arms folded tightly, looking as if that was the closest to hugging herself she could allow and almost radiating misery.
Maes came to a stop just a few steps into the bar, his own hopeful spirits falling just as fast as he'd gotten them up.
"What-" he started to ask.
And then, Madame Christmas turned around at the bar, and he could finally see her for the first time.
See her black eye.
"...happened..."
A small, little moan fell back in his throat, and his shoulders slumped as his hopes crashed even lower.
God. Roy.
It had to be Roy, after all.
There was no one else who could've done this.
Christmas held up a hand, waving off his worries before he could get any farther than that. "I'm fine," she told him sternly. "I've been hit harder by drunks every month I've been running this place."
But somehow, despite the easygoing words, she remained just as grave as the rest of them.
"What... what happened?" he asked again, stumbling a little closer to stare. Granted, now that he had overcome his shock a little more, he could see she was right- Roy hadn't hit her very hard, but just that there was a bruise at all was the most chilling thing about this. "He didn't mean it, Madame-"
"I know he didn't," Christmas said dismissively, gaze flickering back to the base of the stairs again. "You can calm down, Hughes. I didn't punch him right back or lock him up in his old room... I know he didn't mean it. None of us have any clue what's going on in his head right now, after all." She went quiet for a moment, still watching Hawkeye over by the stairs. "All I did was offer him some ice for his hand. He came down here, his hand was burned, I could see that though he didn't say anything, so I got that," she nodded down the bar counter at a small, innocuous bowl of crushed ice, "and I put his hand in it. …That was all."
Maes waited uncertainly, expecting more to follow. Because- well, there had to be something, right? Something that had startled his best friend, or threatened him, or... anything, else, really...
But Christmas did not continue on, and with a sinking sense of unease, he realized there really wasn't anything else.
"Edward's upstairs," Hawkeye spoke up calmly, her voice just as subdued as Maes suddenly felt. "He came down to see what happened, after the colonel ran back up there. Now he's standing guard near his room and won't let anybody through- he wouldn't even speak to us, except to tell us to leave them alone. We were hoping you might have a little bit more luck than we did... Edward does seem to trust you, after all. Or... at least a little," she amended with a sad frown.
Maes winced, following her gaze back up the stairs as well. So that was where their two erstwhile, injured friends were. A small part of him wanted to be amused, sorrowfully fighting to smile at the situation, imaging Ed sitting up there like a little guard dog, growling at them all for Roy's sake- but the rest of him was too sobered by the reality of what she'd said. By the reality of what those two upstairs thought they were living.
Ed and Roy really didn't trust them. Roy expected to be hurt back, punished for what he'd done, and Ed really was sitting up there guarding him because he expected it from them, too. After all that they'd been through-
That was all they knew.
Ed really was sitting up there waiting, probably ready and waiting to hurl anyone who dared threaten their safety back down the stairs, and Roy was behind him- god, Maes didn't even want to think of his best friend's state right now. But he'd seen enough, over these past few days, to have a pretty good guess at what he'd find.
If Ed even let him through. Maes knew there was a good chance even he wouldn't be trusted enough for that privilege.
"Has anyone called Al yet?" he asked, even as he already stepped towards the stairs, itching to go up towards his best friend, itching the same way he could tell Hawkeye was right now. "He'll be able to get through to Ed, if I can't. And something tells me that we really ought to be handling this sooner rather than later."
Havoc half-raised a hand. "My shift is up. I was about to head off to the library when you got here."
Maes nodded but found himself starting to climb the stairs before he'd even processed the words, driven by a mix of anxious trepidation and dread at what he'd find up there but at the same time, knowing it had to be done. If Ed and Roy were ever to trust them- well, this was how it'd happen, wasn't it? Some way for Maes and the others to prove they were nothing like the monsters that had done this to them…
Even more than that, though.
Even more than that was just the fact that Maes couldn't stand to sit down here and do nothing, while knowing his best friend was up there suffering. He knew there was a chance he might just make it worse, that Roy might not trust him enough- hell, that Ed might not event trust him enough to let him through- he knew there was a terrible chance of him frightening the both of them even worse…
But Roy was his best friend.
He had to try.
So Maes cautiously headed out onto the landing, looking down the hallway towards the room Roy had taken. He was not surprised at all to see Ed waiting outside of it- tense, angry, and frowning like a guard dog. He glared at Maes the moment he even tried to step closer, tensing even further, and Maes sighed.
"I'm not here to do anything but talk," he said quietly, raising his hands in mock surrender.
"Leave us alone," Ed snapped pressing himself even harder against the wall at his back.
The door to Roy's room, Maes noticed, was propped open just a bit- probably so Ed, even as he sat out here guarding the colonel from monsters that no longer had any way to ever get to them again, could manage to not feel alone.
He faltered again, something in his chest clenching.
"We're not angry," he tried again, only daring a single step more. "None of us are, not even Christmas. We just-"
"If you're not angry, then shoo." Ed waved his hand at him, gesturing like he could somehow magically push Maes down the stairs from ten feet away. "Go back downstairs. We're fine." He waved his hand again when Maes still didn't move; if he'd had anything at all to throw Maes imagined it already would've been chucked at his head. "Skedaddle."
"Ed-"
"I said we're fine!"
Grimacing, Maes forced himself to remain in place even as he raised his hands in surrender again, trying to reassure Ed he didn't mean any harm. "If you're both fine, then why can't I talk to Roy?"
"Cause he doesn't want to talk to you!"
Maes sighed again, still keeping himself a careful distance back. He saw no reason to point out that, in Ed's current state, it'd be almost a laughing matter for Maes to just bodily pick him up and set him aside; the whole point of this was reassuring them both- not risk upsetting what tenuous scraps of trust they'd managed to earn back. "Listen, I know what you're both afraid of, but, Ed, we're just-"
"No, you don't know! You don't have any fucking idea!" Ed hissed, rounding on him again like a caged, snarling dog. "You don't know what you're talking about so- so just screw off! Leave us alone!" He stopped for a moment, still tense and almost trembling, looking as if it would take a veritable force of nature to tear him away from that door, then just huffed and glared away, curling around himself stubbornly and refusing to so much as look at him. "Or at least don't force ice on us, you fucking idiots."
Maes, once again, hesitated. His insides squirmed guiltily again.
He was going to have to be very careful about how he went about this.
"That was a mistake," he said finally, hoping that acknowledging the wrongdoing would get Ed at least a little more open to listening to him. "It was a mistake, and, and she probably shouldn't have done that- but all she wanted to do was help him feel a little better, Ed. And all I want to do now is just talk to Roy and make sure he's okay." Christmas had only been trying to help, he was sure of that now- she hadn't been thinking how it might feel to Roy.
Roy, who'd just spent the past however many weeks being tied down into ice baths and then waterboarded in everything but name.
Hell, he was pretty sure he'd have reacted just like Roy had.
It hurt to even think about what his best friend had gone through- and it hurt even worse to know that the people responsible were still out there.
He'd fucking drown them. See how they fucking liked it…
Maes took in a shuddering breath, struggling to keep calm and biting his lip, because getting angry now would help exactly no one. He was still hanging as far back as he could, worried that if he tried to approach it would startle Ed and just wanting to reassure him as much as he wanted to reassure Roy, but he couldn't help but start to get impatient now. He understood Ed's reluctance to let him by, and as touching as the protectiveness was, he just wanted Ed and Roy to believe in them as much as they believed in Ed and Roy.
It was worse than he'd realized, to care about someone, to trust them- but know they weren't able to care for and trust him back.
"How did his hand get burned, anyway?" he asked after several moments, trying to get Ed at least talking. "Is he okay? Does anybody need to look at it?"
There was finally a shadow of reluctance in Ed's fierce eyes, the teen's tense shoulders relaxing in worry if not trust, his gaze averted. "…He's fine," he muttered, slumping a little. "He's fine. He was just practicing with his dumb alchemy gloves again, and I guess he finally got it to work. I don't know. But… but he's fine," he murmured sullenly, not believably at all and finally wavering- and Maes at last had one weak point for him to key in on.
"Okay. He's fine," he conceded, knowing it would appease Ed. Since, from what he understood, it was just a burn on Roy's hand, it was true, at least to some degree. Roy wasn't about to die from that. "But it probably hurts. And I know Roy's a stubborn asshole, he can take it, I'm sure- but if I can do something that'll help, I want to, Ed. I know you might not remember it, but.. he's my best friend. I wasn't able to help either of you through any of this… I just want to do what I can for you now that it's finally in my power to do so." He waited a moment, allowing his features to slide into a teasing smile when Ed finally turned his reluctant, worried eyes back on him. "Besides," he murmured, lowering his voice, "I'm sure the bastard's been eavesdropping on us this whole time. Don't give him the chance to rag on you for being overprotective after this- you know he'll never stop."
Ed stiffened.
For several moments, Ed just sat there, frozen and staring at him, face expressionless- just long enough for Maes to start to fear that he'd done or said something wrong. He was already preparing to backpedal, apologize and take back whatever he'd unsettled him with- but then, miraculously… Ed's worried face softened into a smile.
"He is a bastard, isn't he?" he murmured, smirking a little.
Maes, completely lost by this point, allowed himself a weak nod and another teasing smile, hoping against hope that that was what Ed was looking for.
It only took a few more seconds of silent contemplation- just what it was he'd done right, Maes didn't know, just what it was Ed was considering, he didn't know, but all it took was those few moments of indecision- and Maes finally got what he'd been looking for.
"Fine," the kid announced, pushing himself upright to stand against the wall, arm wrapped around himself and eyes narrowed suspiciously. "But I'll be out here, so if- if you fucking screw something up, I'll know! So… yeah." He glared dangerously again, staring to move aside, then jerked back as if just remembering the person he was standing out here trying to protect in the first place. "Bastard! It's your friend, the Hughes guy, is it okay if-"
"Yes!" Roy all but shouted, tense irritation and stress vibrating through the word. It was slightly muffled, like he was sitting far away from the door, but strong enough to reassure Maes that some sliver of his best friend was still in there, and a weak smile twitched into place. "Yes, I can fucking hear both of you, and I'm not god damn amused; yes, it's fine!"
Maes laughed softly, scratching at the back of his neck in amusement, and was lucky enough to see Ed smirk amusedly as well as the kid sat firmly across the hall. Rolling his eyes, Maes turned back to the propped open door, truly hopeful for the first time all day- and with that, headed inside.
As he'd predicted, the sight waiting for him wasn't very inspiring.
Roy was sitting there. Just, waiting in very corner of his bed, leaning so he was huddled against the wall like it was all he had for safety, arms wrapped around himself like a protective barrier.
Maes' jacket was off his shoulders and in his arms, now, hugged so tightly to himself he now realized just why his voice had been muffled before, hands curled in it and the wool smudged with blood. Maes' heart clenched uncomfortably, touched and somehow guiltridden at the same time, and he swallowed hard.
He sent his gaze first straight to his hands, tearing it off his best friend's nervous eyes to search for the injury, but it was okay, he realized with a surge of relief- his glove was off, just a puddle of white cotton resting beside him, but all Maes could see was a few unbandaged red marks on his hand next to all of the gauze. It didn't even seem to be bleeding.
Painful, but not dangerous.
Roy was okay.
Maes sighed deeply, a long, shuddering breath that didn't come close to calming him down, and carefully edged himself a little bit closer into the room.
"…Hey," he finally said, sitting gently down on a chair across from Roy. He tried to give him the same teasing smile he'd given Ed, an effort that he was too shaken by the sight of his best friend to truly manage. "So. Rough morning, huh?"
Roy tensed wordlessly, his brow furrowing but mouth still hidden by the jacket, and Maes' own smile fell.
"I… look," he said after several moments, gently trying to segue into it. It'd be awkward, but- well it was a bit late to care about something like that. "I know you're scared, but-"
"I'm not scared!"
"-but we are your friends here, Roy. We understand you were just startled, we're not- no matter what happens, we're never going to hurt you or do anything but try to protect you. I know you and Ed don't have much reason to trust us, but that's the truth." He paused, hoping to somehow drive the words and the truth behind them home. "Madame Christmas isn't even upset or hurt. She's only worried about you."
Roy sulked even more back against the wall, embracing the jacket tightly and his dark eyes looking anywhere but at Maes. "I'm not scared," he muttered again, hugging himself even more. He lowered his head, mouth quivering. "I know it's safe here. You don't have to tell me that again and again like I'm a child."
Maes gave him another small, tolerant smile, masking his own inner sorrow with what he hoped was a convincing grin. Yes, he believed that Roy knew they were his friends. He believed that Roy believed it was safe here.
But he didn't believe Roy felt that.
There was a reason, after all, Roy had all but locked himself in here after one violent, startled moment of lashing out, and was still sitting there even now, hugging himself and trembling, half-expectant his friends were about to punish him for one violent, frightened moment of lashing out. And it was not because Roy felt safe here.
"I'm not even hurt," the colonel muttered darkly, refusing to look at him. "The alchemy just… got a way from me, a little. But it worked! It finally worked! I didn't even- I just went back downstairs to tell you. I'd forgotten I'd burned myself until she… s-she…"
"…She won't do it again, Roy. None of us will."
Roy glared darkly, curling even tighter into himself. "It doesn't matter."
It did matter. It very, very clearly mattered a hell of a lot to him- but pressing the point wasn't important now.
Roy just wanted things to feel normal now, to actually feel okay again- not coddled like he was fragile and about to shatter like glass.
After a few more moments of silence, his best friend just sighed, slumping more back against the wall, tightening his injured fingers in the jacket- Maes bit his tongue to stop himself from reprimanding him. "I'm… sorry. For all of this."
"And we forgive you for it."
But Roy shook his head, staring down with hard, narrowed eyes and clenching his fists so tightly Maes winced. "I keep hurting people. Over and over- and… a-and it's not even on purpose."
"Roy, it's okay. After what you've been through, that's- it's just understandable, Roy-"
"No. It's not okay. It's not understandable, Maes." Roy sunk back against the wall to pierce him with two anxious, stricken eyes, hands trembling all over again. "I struck my own mother, and for what? Trying to help me. That's all she was trying to do. And-"
"Roy, you-"
"And I did the same to your wife!" he fired back, pale face blotching with red anger and fever. "I remember that, Maes- I remember her just trying to help Ed, and I- I hit her, too! I keep hurting people who are only trying to help! How on earth can you even stand to be here, knowing what I did? And I-" he broke off, eyes flickering towards the still propped open door. His face twisted.
"I even hurt Fullmetal," he muttered fiercely, his voice low, almost inaudible now. "I hurt everyone."
Maes stopped, too, biting his lip even as his heart clenched and his words caught in his throat. He glanced to the open door after Roy, well aware his friend didn't want to be overheard and not about to jeopardize that, but at the same time- "Roy, no," he started, just as quiet. He moved closer, not even daring to think about touching him just yet but settling himself on the bed as well. "Remember, Ed told you it wasn't your f-"
"Not that. I'm not talking about that." Roy let out a sharp exhale of frustration and leaned back even further against the wall, wiping at his tired face with one hand while the other continued to clutch the jacket to him like nothing else. "It was early on. Fullmetal told me to just shut up, but I wouldn't listen to him and I kept asking questions- and they punished him for it. It was my fault." He shook his head bitterly, glaring other at the door as if it was responsible. "…I just seem to be really damn good at hurting people, even when it's not on purpose."
Maes swallowed hard, sitting very still now. He glanced between his friend and the door, wondering if perhaps this had been a mistake, and he shouldn't have tried to intrude after all. He wasn't entirely sure what this was, what had happened- but he did know Roy, and he knew this new guilt was something that had to have been bothering him for a while… it was just this new incident that had brought it to the surface. Frowning, Maes pushed him just a little bit closer, trying and failing to meet Roy's eyes.
"I'm guessing Ed's already told you to stop guilting about this- whatever it was. Right?"
Roy grunted sullenly, eyes still averted, but didn't say anything.
"And I'm guessing everyone here has already tried to tell you they're not angry with you for going after Christmas."
"Leave it alone," Roy all but sulked, glaring down into his jacket.
"And… about my wife, Roy." Maes swallowed hard again, but this time refused to look away. "I won't lie. When you- hurt her. …I was ready to fucking kill you."
Roy flinched again. His fists tightened into the jacket, but, admirably or not, he did not move away or even try to defend himself, not even when his pale jaw clenched and he looked, just for a second, like he was bracing for a blow.
"But, my wife talked me down. She pulled me back, and told me she was fine, and that it wasn't your fault, and if I was going to rage off on her behalf I'd better do it against someone who at least deserved it." He waited until Roy tentatively relaxed, just a little, to send him another teasing smile. "Gracia really is my better half, you know- she was right. You didn't hurt her, Roy, you were protecting Ed. Even if he didn't need protection then- I can at least understand that." He shrugged a little, grin softening as he moved just a small bit closer. "If it helps, you usually tend to fight your battles with words, anyway. You just happen to be annoyingly good at using your fists as well."
For several moments, Roy didn't answer him, dark eyes still averted and shoulders hunched. When his gaze finally moved back over to him, it was less hesitant than before, and his hold on the jacket had at last stopped being so tight Maes was worried he'd start bleeding all over again. "…Oh," he said at last, sinking back against the wall- and only then, did Maes allow himself to smirk.
"Don't take this to mean I'm not going to get back at you, of course. Because I will. Trust me- you're not getting out of this without a punch to the face, you asshole. Gracia only convinced me to wait until you're strong enough to take it. Once you remember who we are… you'd better start running."
Maes made sure his teasing smile never once left throughout it all, though- even though he certainly wasn't kidding- he made sure Roy understood this didn't mean anything, that this had no bearing on their friendship and it certainly wasn't him trying to punish Roy for doing anything wrong. It was a risk, but a risk he figured it was important that he take- and he was rewarded when, after several long, still heartbeats, his best friend sagged back against the wall, rubbing at his tired face again, and smirked.
"Understood," he murmured, his eyes flickering shut.
After a long silence, Roy sighed into his jacket, leaning his head onto his knees to gaze tiredly across the room. "Look, you don't have to worry about me," he murmured, though once again, Maes got the feeling he was just trying to not be overheard by his overprotective guard dog just outside. "I know I'm not exactly the inspiring picture of mental stability, here, but I'm- I'm okay. Really. I know none of you are going to- I know this isn't the hospital. I know you won't hurt me here, even if I have sometimes have to spend a little while convincing myself of it."
Maes nodded sadly, once again biting his tongue to stop himself from saying sure you are. Truth be told, Roy was doing well; at least, as far as he could see… after what he'd been through- well, things could've been a lot worse. If the worst of it was Maes sitting with him up here while he calmed himself down and convinced himself nothing bad was going to happen- he'd take this. He'd definitely take this.
He was just glad to have his best friend here with him again.
He was just glad to see him fighting- a slow struggle or not- to be okay again.
But then Roy went on again, still clutching the jacket and huddled up tight but finally relaxing a bit as he squinted towards the door, his face somehow tenser than before. "It's him I'm worried about. Fullmetal- he was treated much worse than I was, Maes. I know I'm not exactly a paragon of togetherness but I will be fine. I know I can deal with this. B-but… him…"
"…He seems to be doing okay, Roy…"
"Well, he's not," the colonel shot back fiercely, almost surprising Maes with his vehemence; it so hushed Ed never could've heard it but angry and emphatic now, gesturing almost violently with his burned hand. "I may look a little more beat up than he is, but they treated him worse than they did me, and I'm worried about him. If you can't see that he's hurt you're not looking hard enough." He tensed again, fists curling, face bleaching even paler than before. "They only put me in that cell a few times. It wasn't for long at all, it was barely anything, and I- I nearly lost my mind. …They left him in there for weeks, Maes." His fists clenched again, dark eyes turning even blacker as if in a venomous rage, an angry cloud of cold anger sweeping across his pale face again. "He's not okay, no matter what he says. Al coming back helped him, but- but it wasn't enough. He's acting better than he is, and… I'm worried for him, Maes."
Maes paused, falling silent as he glanced between Roy and the gently propped open door. The exact specifics of what Ed had gone through were still unclear to him. Both alchemists had been rather cagey about their ordeals, giving them limited facts but as far as Maes was concerned, practically outright lying to make it all seem not as bad as it truly had been. Ed, especially, had been rather quiet about it- and now that he thought about it, Roy was right; it was getting to be rather clear Ed was on the very edge of falling apart, and had only managed to stop himself thus far through Roy and Al's presence.
In fact, if it hadn't been for Al's support, and Ed trying to watch out for Roy as if the colonel desperately needed to be taken care of and Ed was the only one who could provide it, he wasn't sure Ed would've been able to hold himself together at all.
At least Roy had shown some signs of having trouble. Ed was hiding them all.
"Yeah," Maes sighed heavily at last, shutting his eyes. "I'm worried about him, too."
The colonel went silent again, face resting still against his knee and shoulders slumped as if it was the weight of the world pulling on them.
"You'll be okay," Maes ventured softly, finally risking to move over to lay a hand on his arm. "Both of you will. It'll just take time, Roy."
"…I'm sure," the colonel muttered.
But he did not sound convinced, and his gaze did not leave the door the entire time.