Author's Note:

First off, I would like to state that this chapter just kind of ran away with itself. What started out as a short idea just turned into the monster below.

Thank you Ladyoftheval5 for providing me with the suggestion to really make this chapter possible. Misunderstandings truly are a dangerous thing.

Also, dialogue. Dialogue everywhere.

The following morning, I regretted ever having allowed the brothers to jump me.

I woke up to the bright sun shining in our room, tired and exhausted in a way that I hadn't been since before Rivendell. The previous night's activities were still fresh in my mind, if only because they literally ended only a few hours before all of us just passed out from exhaustion. I now knew why Thorin didn't want to come and join us.

As I buried my face back into the pillow, I lamented the fact that he was the smartest among us, having realized long ago probably that the brothers were like beasts. Long after my fatigue physically made me incapable of riding them and long after exhaustion made me poor sport beneath them, they continued to torment me. They continued to torment each other until finally at last we were all claimed by the darkness.

Waking up before the two, I remembered how the brothers pounded into me until I was sore and wincing, cursing their stamina. Without even wanting to, I vividly recalled the stories the wives of the Shire told each other, about demons that would suck one dry of all sexual energies and spiritual strength.

I looked at the two of the dwarven brothers, hair completely mussed beyond all hope of repair, and realized that the stories didn't warn me properly about what dwarves could do. Certainly, the stories never did explain the soreness in between my legs the next morning or how when I tried to sit up, it was just better to abandon such an endeavour.

It also could not be said that our romp in the sack wasn't extremely satisfying but for the trouble it brought in the morning, I would rather not have had to deal with it at all. I suddenly found myself recalling my words to Gandalf that morning at Bag End, about adventures being nasty, uncomfortable things. Well, here was the nasty uncomfortable thing. It didn't compare to the troll snot, or the ponies, or the rain, or...

I groaned.

Adventures really were a pain in the ass.

I groaned again from my choice of words.

Literally and figuratively.

Beside me, I felt Fili and Kili roll over in their sleep, groaning even as they stretched and grumbled about something incoherent before I saw the first glimpse of a blue eye.

"Good morning."

"It most certainly is not." I pouted, wincing again as I turned over so that I could look at Fili more comfortably. I was rewarded with a smirk and a quick kiss for my efforts though it did little to change the irritation I felt for the blonde dwarf. "Well, it's good to me. You look beautiful."

I was too tired, too sore to really want to acknowledge Fili's voice wandering over my bottom like it had every right to do so; I wanted to smack it away and tell it to give my tender behind some space.

"I'm sure I look like death because of you two."

"Yeah, but you were amazing last night." Kili's voice growled low in his throat from behind his brother, a second later his head coming over and lounging over the elder's torso. He was smirking just as his brother was, a devious glint in his eye that really spoke too much of a want to repeat the events of the night before.

"You really were," Fili agreed low in his throat, his voice groping into flesh and squeezing, "Kili, do you remember her face?"

I saw Kili grin at his brother before he swung away from his brother's torso and sat comfortably on the mattress. With another loud groan, he stretched his limbs and scratched at his tangled mop of hair. "It was nice; it reminded me of the look she had when we first took her."

At this statement, I looked at Kili with a questioning look in my eyes, wondering just what the brothers meant by the look of surprise on my face. To me, it would be obvious why I was surprised. I had been no blushing virgin but before the brothers came parading into my life, I certainly had never done such a thing with multiple partners. Such things just weren't done in the Shire, and if they were, I had no knowledge of it.

"Ah, yes! That amazed look!" Fili laughed at the memory, his voice teasing at me, "Is that not something hobbits do?"

I rolled over onto my stomach, not bothering to look at them anymore, just wishing that I could fall back asleep. Briefly, I paused in my musings to consider Fili's question and what exactly he meant. Giving the question careful consideration, I thought of how there were plenty of things that the brothers and Thorin involved me with that weren't done by any proper hobbit that I knew.

Which wasn't to say that maybe hobbits didn't have multiple lovers, sex through less used channels, or give oral pleasure to their spouses but, once again, I had to admit that it was not something so easily spoken about in the Shire.

"Hm? I wouldn't know."

I closed my eyes, wanting to get more rest, and figuring if the brothers wanted to continue this line of conversation that I could do so while not blinded by the sun. Silence reigned in the room for a minute, the casual movement on the brothers next to me stilled by something.

"What?"

A shared sentiment by the brothers, a doubled sensation on both of the cheeks of my bottom, a scared sort of shiver that felt strange. It made my nose turn up unpleasantly for never before had I felt their voices like that. I opened my eyes to discern through their faces what the sentiment was about, or rather the emotion behind it, and stopped when I saw their faces.

They looked pale.

"You wouldn't know?"

Again that same shiver of sensation, though this time only Fili had the breath to speak, his voice faltering in a squeak that made him gulp and clear his throat. They eyed each other nervously.

"What? We Hobbits are not so casual before marriage." I was confused; had I not answered the question to their liking? Were they upset that I didn't know the answer? "Before you, I had no knowledge of any of it."

I was pretty sure that they were asking me about a hobbit being so adventurous in bed – the taking of multiple partners at once being the main thread of the conversation. Was my confusion something of a distress to them?

I was startled by the sight of their faces, the color draining so quickly (and not in the usual preferred direction!) that they were as white as our sheets in less than a second. My brows knit with concern, with a worry so heartfelt that I instantly wanted to comfort them.

My mind was racing with thought after thought, concern after concern. Had I said something wrong? Had I accidentally offended them in some way? Given my time with the brothers, I was unaware of anything that could cause them to feel such distress.

"I'm sorry... have I said something wrong?"

That snapped them both out of their shocked state, eyes instantly softening but unable to really look at me anymore. They fidgeted in place, looking at one another, unable to keep still. I really was worried for them!

"AH! Nothing! Nothing at all!"
"No! It's just- we thought- you just- Nothing!"

In unison, a jumble of words that bleared by so quickly that I almost flinched at the onslaught of trembling, nervous sensation all across my bottom, unable to concentrate on one area. I barely even had time to register that Fili and Kili were bowing to me quickly, hopping off the bed, telling me in a rush that they were going to bathe and that I should go back to sleep.

I jumped at the slamming of the door, surprised overtaking everything that they had said to me.

"Um," I yelled gently as I sat there from my place on the bed, unable to really piece together what happened, "Are you guys sure nothing's wrong?"

Fili popped his head out quicker than I expected, cheeks flushed and a strained smile on his face, "Of course! We just remembered that Thorin wanted to train with us this morning! Go back to sleep, it's alright!"

I nodded, still unable to place that they weren't telling me the whole story but more than willing to believe them about remembering to train with Thorin. I thought back to how more than once how our leader would barge into our room to remind the brothers that they were to train with him or Mister Dwalin.

Well, if anything, I would be able to sleep more...

Despite wanting to trust their explanation and their constant need to tell me not to worry, I couldn't help but notice how days later, I was being avoided. What was worse was that I wasn't just being avoided by the brothers, but Thorin as well. When I finally realized it over dinner, putting together all the evidence that I accumulated over the last few days, I was shocked it had taken me so long to figure out their behavior.

Fili and Kili were so obvious about it too, pointedly not sitting next to me during dinner anymore, a complete lack of bedroom intimacy, and even the fact that Fili now slept with his clothes on. I wondered about it from the very beginning but was put off the scent by the fact that the brothers placated me, telling me that I had no cause to worry.

Thorin was a little harder to discern. Though we had been growing closer physically, Thorin was still not one to seek me out on his own. It was this fact that kept me from figuring out for a bit that Thorin was also avoiding me. When I finally felt the first hint of suspicion over his behavior, I decided to test my theory in a rather simple way. Never one to have refused me into his bed before, I had thought that if he accepted, then truly I was just over thinking everything and worrying too much.

The remembrance of him standing at his doorway, proclaiming that he had a headache and couldn't entertain me that night was all it took. He failed the test with flying colors.

In conclusion: The line of Durin was avoiding me.

Add to that I didn't even want to do anything about it on this very much not good day. As soon as I woke from the night's slumber, I noticed that the brothers were gone and that second, I was going to have to change the sheets. The elven maidens would understand as it was a very natural process but I still would be embarrassed to have to give the explanation. My body ached as I pulled the sheets off the bed, bundling them into a pile on the floor and going to the bath for a long soak.

The very idea of wearing my regular attire on this very much not good day was a complete other battle. With the addition of having to pin knitted fabric into place and tied with a special apron, getting myself into my normal layers was not easy. My body felt too big for them, the confines of my vest seeming to constrain me unpleasantly and bite into my sides. I fidgeted in discomfort, eyeing my rounded chest with annoyance.

My stomach groaned in discomfort.

I hobbled back over to the bed and groaned when I plopped down on the fresh sheets, crawling up and curling around myself. While I was grateful that this had happened while in Rivendell and not on the road (as it would inevitably happen in the future), I didn't even think it was fair to bombard me with such inconveniences while I was in the most beautiful elven city I ever had the fortune of visiting. Oh, my stomach was killing me.

I wanted food.

My head ached and I didn't want to move.

I wanted something greasy and fattening.

Why were those damned Durin's avoiding me?

Was breakfast ready yet?

I got up and grabbed the bundle of sheets from the floor, groaning when my back protested and went out into the hallway, nodding lightly when Ori waved to me and greeted me warmly. I admit that what seemed like a nod and a friendly smile to me must have been more like a declaration of a want to duel. Ori certainly took it in such a way, squeaking off in a fright before I sighed and continued on my way.

I needed to find some elf maidens.

Was breakfast ready? Did I already think that?

I was a horrible, improper hobbit for scaring Ori.

Maybe if I asked, would the elves make me something fat and greasy? Did elves know how to do that? Would they know what I wanted? I wondered if they would have let me use their kitchens?

Oh, my stomach hurt.

I stopped walking for a second, groaning to myself with a pained look on my face when my stomach cramped in pain, a quick exhale of air that made me exhausted just to think about how there was still more of this horrid day to come.

"Your color doesn't look too good, Miss Baggins."

I looked over to my side, not noticing when Balin had come up beside me. His voice sounded concerned, the sensation on my cheek unfortunately dull compared to the pain of my body. As it were, I could barely feel it at all. As it was, I was ravenous.

"I'll be okay, Mister Balin." I assured him as gently as I could, understanding all too well when the elderly dwarf looked down at my bundle in my arms and then back at me. He knew well enough to piece two and two together, a rare thing to be so insightful in our company where as he said before, the dwarves present were not some of the brightest of their race.

"You might want to head over to Oin later on. I'm sure he'll have a tea for some of your more troublesome discomforts?"

I nodded mutely, slowly walking along beside him as we went together down the hall, coming upon some maids were beginning to clean the hallway. Politely I excused myself from Balin's company, indicating to him that this was something that was best left to privacy and in no time at all I had deposited the sheets with an apology to the maidens. While I was gently assured that it was no trouble and not to worry, I still fretted.

I turned in the direction of the dining hall, intent on feeding the pit of hollowed hungered that festered in my body. I needed food. I needed it. Badly.

I hoped that there was chicken. Something spicy.

When I finally came upon the dining hall, I noticed that most of the company was already present and that they were already starting to dig into the food that was sitting on platters. My stomach cramped so much, my back ached. I shuffled over to the table, waving off any concerned looks and sitting down on a pillow, groaning at how my body hated everything about sitting on it and trying to get comfy.

"Miss Hobbit, can we sit next to you?"

The sensation on my bottom was dull, barely felt at all, and I looked up in surprise at Fili smiling down at me, his brother next to him sharing his smile. Why were they asking me if they could sit down? Weren't they avoiding me? By Yavanna, that potato mix smelled good. I grunted, a polite enough expression for a dwarf but one that would have horrified any respectable hobbit. I was too hungry to care anymore, starting to shovel some food onto my plate before I felt Fili's hand on my arm stop me.

I stared at him like I wanted to murder him.

"Allow us to get you the best selection."
"Yes! Only the best will do."

One after another, an indistinctive wisp of sensation that was inconsequential; I found myself looking at both of the dwarven brothers sitting on either side of me and looking at my adoringly. Were they done avoiding me now? Were they getting my food? I relented and tried to get comfortable again on my pillow seat, trying to feel as if my vest wouldn't pop a button at any moment. I waited patiently as Fili and Kili inspected each platter for the best selection of each choice of food, looking proud whenever I smiled at them for putting another bite of meat on my plate and less of the plentiful vegetables. I felt horrified that I even wanted to eat like such a brute. All meat and no greens... was any of the meat spicy?

With a full plate set in front of me, I thanked both of them gratefully and started to dig in, not even noticing how they preened at the gratitude and started to dig into their own portions that they collected after making sure I had enough. Looking up every now and then, I noticed the rest of the dwarves looking at me with smiles on their faces, amused by something that I obviously wasn't privy to. From across the table, Thorin looked particularly thoughtful about something as he stared at me.

The food was delicious and I couldn't get enough of it, even surprising Kili when I showed him my plate for another serving that he was all too happy to accommodate with a big smile. Truly, my vest felt too small now for another reason besides my body's unequal skill in that of water retention. Still, Thorin's eyes stared at me.

I don't even understand why I wanted spicy food. The thought of it sounded disgusting.

Why were my feelings hurt by the lack of greasy chicken?

My vest was entirely too tight. I felt gross just sitting there, surrounded by male dwarves who I felt could see into my mind and see exactly what was disturbing me.

I stood up from my spot, sudden and completely ignoring how Fili and Kili startled back at the unexpected departure, their forks dropping over plates before they tried to see if I was alright. I grunted, my hand going to my stomach unconsciously in some vain attempt to relieve myself of some of the pressure there just under fabric. "Just continue eating. It's fine; I'll see you two later."

I promised as sweetly as I could, touching both their shoulders before they smiled at me weakly and went back to eating. Before I left, I even gave a quick nod to Thorin, still seeing those eyes studying me intensely.

I wanted to lie back down. I wanted to get my clothes off and lounge in my under shift, chemise fabric not at all constraining even in the slightest.

I grumbled at the way my stomach felt, shuffling along in the corridor until I was seized with the sudden urge to go back to the bathroom and make use of the elvish plumbing. Quicker than I moved all morning, I rushed back into my room and slammed the bathroom door shut, locking the door and sitting on the appropriate place.

I wasn't going to think of it. I wasn't going to hear any of it. I wasn't doing this in Rivendell. Nope, none of this was happening. I was lounging in a field of grass. I was sitting along the river banks. I wasn't here! I wasn't listening! LA LA LA! I wasn't thinking of it! LA LA LA!

I was a monster.

I went back to the bed, stomach still clenching painfully, drained of all strength, and utterly horrified by my day so far.

I wanted to go home.

Wasn't the Lord Elrond a healer? I was sure I heard of it from Gandalf.

I got back up from the bed, holding my stomach in pain, not even remembering when the pains were so great while in Bag End. Slowly, I went back out of the room, leaving the door open and shuffling down the hallway completely and utterly just wanting to go and lie back down in my bed. My pace was unhurried, knowing where to find Elrond, who tended to his supplies in his main healing room like clockwork around this time.

I was so dazed, so out of it that when Fili and Kili were coming up to me and tapping me on the shoulder, I at first couldn't even comprehend it.

I was tired.

I was hungry again.

What was wrong with me?

Was there any spicy food that I could have made?

Why did I want to cry into the chests of the brothers?

"Miss Bilbo? We picked these for you."

I blinked at the unusual title use for Kili but was immediately distracted by the bundle of flowers that both the brothers presented to me. Once again their faces were flush with a pride, a happiness that only came from being able to most likely correctly guess what I thought was beautiful. Indeed, the flowers they picked were gorgeous, white blossoms and pink petals arranged as nicely as a dwarf would know to.

I smiled at them, a loving kind of smile that I hoped did not show my pain or fatigue. "Thank you both, they are gorgeous."

I accepted both bouquets from them, leaning slightly into Fili's hand when he reached out to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear and curl a flower where it would snugly sit. A kiss they both gave me before I watched them walk away back down the hallway.

Back down the opposite direction of the hallway, I ventured on my own, trudging my way to the main healing chamber. I needed to see Elrond. I felt sick. Why did I think that spicy food was a good idea? These flowers smelled really good.

"Ah, Miss Baggins, how can I help you?"

...holy Yavanna, I thought the chambers were further away. I looked around the room as if I were unsure how I even got there.

"Umm, sorry to disturb you, but, I was wondering if you had any tonic for ..." I didn't want to mention anything about my feminine issues to someone like Elrond; already I was noticing without the use of his voice affecting me so vividly that he was still just as beautiful as I last saw him. His dark hair glistened in the light of the sun and his blue eyes smiled warmly down on me. "Yes?"

I smiled, "Stomach pains."

Yes, that was the most prevalent of my issues at the moment.

I watched as his face fell around itself with worry, his eyes reflecting a sympathy far above me that I took in comfort in even as he went to the nearby cabinet. "What kind of stomach pains? Sharp? Dull?"

"Both."

Even though I knew that Elrond asked only to be the most helpful he could be, I was embarrassed about talking with this to an elf as ancient as he. I also understood that he was a parent who was most likely used to dealing with interesting bodily fluids but no, I wasn't about to go there with him.

Suddenly, I wanted to punch him.

Immediately, I wanted to punch myself for thinking such a thing.

I was a monster.

The buttons on my vest really were starting to get uncomfortable. I groaned a little from the pain in my belly, a shifting of gases that I wanted to just sleep through so that I didn't have to deal with them.

"Both? Hmm, I should examine you if it's bad."

"No, I'm fine." His voice was like a dull buzz in my mind, completely and utterly incapable of drowning me in any such bliss while I was suffering at the torture of my own body. I quickly cut him off before he even started to think about seriously trying to get me on any sick bed with the intention of examining me. "Do you have a daughter?"

Having been looking into his cabinet at the time of my question, I saw his body pause before those beautiful blue eyes were upon me, looking at me closely and noting every detail that my body no doubt was quite adamantly displaying. I felt embarrassed. I felt sick. I felt hungry. I was exhausted and tired and I just wanted to scream and cry into a pillow.

"I do..."

His voice sounded interested to see where I would go with the line of thought, the need to ask such a question provoking in him a response to want to delve further for more information. I wouldn't tell him anything more about myself than I already had. I was embarrassed. I wanted to go back to my room.

Again, the urge to punch him came up.

Again, I was a monster for thinking such things.

"Yeeeaaa..."

He blushed. I was actually surprised by it but once it became apparent what I was referencing by asking if he had a daughter, suddenly his entire face turned to that of a teenager, completely out of his element, and he seemed unable to figure out what to do with his hands on the cabinet handles. He took a bottle and held it out to me. "Take that with a warm tea. My daughter says it works wonders."

I bowed politely to him, a soft smile of thanks on my face before I turned away and went back to my room.

I didn't want to think of his daughter in that way. She probably looked gorgeous during her times. I couldn't even really blame Elrond for his lack of foresight about how embarrassing that might have been for his daughter; my Father on more than one occasion found it easy to do such things without even thinking of it.

Back in the safety of my room, I stripped until I was just in my shift, feeling completely like I was unable to tolerate the feel of even my bloomers on my skin confining my stomach. I laid back down on the bed desperate to feel the sheets beneath me, brushing my cheek against the soft linens before I even thought of having to get up to actually make the tea that I would take with the tonic Elrond gave me.

I napped lightly despite my desire to stay awake and make myself the tea. I didn't much care for the tea anymore even though from time to time my stomach grumbled in a rush of gas and protest that the tea would actually have been a far grander idea than what I was currently doing...

...or what was currently being done to me.

I jumped back from my spot on the bed, scooting back quickly when I felt a dwarven hand running along the line of my thigh over the fabric of my shift.

"What's wrong?" I was set upon immediately by Fili, his voice still quite dull against my skin, and the heat radiating off his body making me feel uncomfortable. He was too close to me; I was desperate for him to give me some space. He saw the look in my eyes as soon as my thoughts flashed past my eyes, "Were our gifts not to your liking?"

His gentle tone was so simple and concerned, a mingling with worry that made me want to lean my head forward on impulse just because I knew that when such a voice came out of the Fili's mouth, a kiss on the forehead was not too far behind.

Still, I was confused.

"Gifts?"

Did he mean the gestures of kindness for avoiding me? I liked them just fine but what did that have to do with him avoiding me and now suddenly being here with me now? I shivered under the heavy touch of Kili's hand on my other side, a smirk directed down at me. "Yes, courting gifts. Do Hobbits not do that too?"

"What?"

Courting? Why would they need to court me? Was I not already theirs?
I grumbled in vague irritation; they certainly hadn't bothered to do so while out on the road...

"Courting gifts! For ones you wish to be with. We thought for days how best to make amends to you."

"Amends?" My eyes went from one brother to the other, trying to decipher exactly why they would make amends for something they intentionally did. Unless they weren't talking about the gifts being as an apology for avoiding me, "Amends for what?"

I watched Fili's face animate into one of immense satisfaction, for undeniably he was proud of something and very much satisfied that he was finally able to clear the air. I waited with a knot growing in my belly.

"Really, we should have seen the signs."

"...what signs?"

"You were always so surprised by whatever we did together, of course."

Kili looked especially proud, puffing up his chest even as he slid his hand higher. I was torn between wanting to listen quietly to their explanation and back away so that the brothers wouldn't touch me. I felt entirely too gross for any of this physical contact at the moment.

"Aye, you were also so sensitive."
"Very tight and snug down there as well."
"Extremely tight."
"Very nicely tight. Felt amazing."
"Extremely amazing."

"Excuse me!" I had had more than enough of their rambling about my lower bits, pushing Fili away so that I could sit up straighter and look at them, indignation written across from my face. Honestly, to ramble on about such a thing!

"It just wasn't at all like what we assumed!" Kili tried to reason with me, his hands coming up in a sort of surrender.

"Wait, wait, assumed what?" I slowed him down, trying to stop him entirely.

At this question of mine, both brothers turned towards each other and smiled smugly, happy with that I must have seemed like I understood everything that they were saying so far and that they actually being allowed to explain how what they seemed to have toiled so long and hard on to figure out.

"That you were more experienced, of course; very much at home with this sort of thing!"

"What?"

"Yes, we understand now that it was awful of us."
"Yes, for stealing your purity without even properly courting you."

"P-purity?" I sputtered at the very idea that the brothers had, blown away by how wrong it was! Me, a virgin! An innocent, blushing virgin before the brothers found me! I dare say, no respectable hobbit would ever have deigned to do what I did with the brothers had they been untouched. "Yes, you were a virgin. To think we deprived an innocent of the wonderful chance to be courted by her lovers."

"What?!"

This was a nightmare. Such a lovely confession mingled with such a horrible misunderstanding.

"You forgive us, right?"
"Let us show our love for you."

Back was the look of predatory lust on both of the brothers' faces, Fili moving closer to lean over me, his hand sliding up my shift so that he could dip underneath and go for what he most wanted. I was horrified by the very idea that he would see anything beneath my shift in the state I was in. That was an entirely private matter! No no no! Absolutely not!

Since Fili had already started to push up the fabric around my thighs, I grabbed the hem of my shift and tugged it down with a nearly venomous urgency. Eagerly, I scooted up the bed away from him. "Oi! Excuse you! This is highly inappropriate!"

"What? But you accepted our gifts." Kili looked hurt by this, the obvious question running across his eyes being one of confusion. Had they done something wrong? Were they reading all the signs wrong? Yes, and yes, they had both done wrong and I was more than done myself tolerating such a misunderstanding. Before I could say anything to set the record straight, Kili moved up the bed a little to try and once again coax me into a bout of wild sex, something that I repaid back by squeaking angrily and keeping my hands on my shift, "Absolutely not! First off, I have no idea how you got it into your heads that I was a virgin!"

They both stopped, "Not a virgin?"
"But you said you had no experience-"

"No! I said that I didn't know about any other such hobbit experience." I looked back and forth at them, confusion still written so clearly on their faces, "We are not a chatty bunch when it comes to such matters! I was not a virgin! However, I certainly do admit to my inexperience in concerns with multiple partners and a good many other thing!"

For long minutes the brothers simply stared at me, their brains no doubt working hard to put the facts together and reconcile it with what they previously thought to be accurate. I was pained by the fact that the process was taking so long, unaware and more than a little exasperated by the fact that I had found myself falling for such dense dwarves.

"So you're not a virgin?"

"Obviously." I snorted at the poorly worded question, only because at no time on this journey could Fili have asked me such a question and would it have been correct. I was certainly not a virgin before our adventure and I was certainly not one right now. It seemed that my answer put the brothers at ease though, a long sigh escaping both their mouths as they visibly relaxed and smiled at me with a great amount of affection. Again, Fili's hand tried to work its way underneath my skirt hem.

"...So, we can ravage you just as fiercely as before?"

At the first touch of his finger on the fabric of my apron that I used to hold everything down there together, I reacted too quickly to even process it myself. One moment I had been sitting there with my hem in my hands and the next, I had my foot connecting with Fili's face a little none too gently.

"OI! Back off! I am not going to indulge such vulgar fetishes of yours!"

"Fetishes?!"

They stared me, clueless and vague. Indignant with a sort of desperate look on their faces that made me groan in disbelief. How thick could they really be? How amazingly dense would I have to become if I were to really think of being with them?

"I am on my cycle!" I hissed at both of them, voice quiet because all the anger in the world could not make my tongue loose enough to scream where everyone could possibly hear, "I am not fit for ...bedroom activities!"

The brothers stayed silent, eyes glancing from my face to my flushed cheeks and then finally, a quick darting of their eyes to the hands still clutching the hem of my shift. Fili looked a little too long on where his hand still was...

Slowly, he removed his hand, a faint tremor of nervousness unable to be disguised, terrified of what now lie beneath my clothing. I would have been flattered had it actually been me he thought would strike out at him like a snake and not the business underneath my shift. Kili, unfortunately was not so deterred, "Can we not just put down-?"

"Absolutely not, you pervert!" I was embarrassed and far too horrified by the idea of lying with either brother while I was in my current state, for really given how my stomach felt, I did not feel very sexy. ALSO! It just wasn't proper of any hobbit lass! I would have no more of this talk though and certainly no more of the brothers being so unreasonably close to me. I rolled away from both of them, groaning when I stood up a little too quickly and went to the nearby closet for an elven robe that seemed like a far better idea than redressing in my tighter clothing.

"Where are you going?" They asked as they watched me tie the laces of the robe. "Obviously, I am leaving before you two get anymore strange ideas!"

With a slam of the door and no small amount of relief that I was finally out of that awkward situation, I gladly left the room and headed down in the direction of the dining hall. I was hungry again and maybe I could play a game of chess with Balin if he were amiable to the idea.

I got no further than ten steps before Thorin's door was opening and his voice was calling out for me to hold up. I stopped in my place, turning around and acknowledged him properly. "Ah, Thorin, how are you today?"

He looked as poised as ever, a quiet air of reservation tinged with just that bit of affection that usually made me smile. Today, it made me suspicious. "I am well, thank you. May I walk with you?"

I eyed him warily, suddenly very aware of why he asked. If his reasons for avoiding me were anything like why the brothers avoided me, I was not going to be that smitten by Thorin wanting to walk with me. Nevertheless, I nodded and offered with a gesture of my arm for him to lead the way. I took pace beside him, walking in companionable silence until the two of us were at the edge of the dining hall, the dwarves all inside in different states of entertainment.

"I really must apologize for my nephews."

"No worries, it was all just a misund-"

I froze when I felt it, his large hand at the soft flesh of my belly, resting there carefully as if it were something precious. Instantly my blood drained, a cold sweat forming on my back. Oh, Yavanna, please, please , if you love me at all do not let this be as it looked. My eyes darted around the room, all too aware of how the company were looking at us in curiosity. I was mortified by the very idea of an audience, completely shocked into silence when Thorin led me by the small of my back further into the room, his hand unwilling to be moved from my belly. I hoped desperately that he felt concern over my stomach cramps.

Around me, the dwarves sat up straighter, some with highly amused looks on their faces and others with their cheeks pinked with embarrassment. I was very aware of how some of them knew that the Durin's were wrong and others had no clue as to what was happening, entirely caught up in whatever fantasy the leader painted. Thorin looked at me, his eyes deep with emotion though I realized now that some of it was similar to the look he got on his face when he gave instruction. A commanding tone directed at me and his men, a quick glance around the room.

"You need not worry. Your pain is felt amongst us all."

"Ah," I tried to remove his hand but he was firm, pressing closer to me the more I tried to remove the offending thing, "That's appreciated but I can take care of this on my own."

"Nonsense. You carry an heir of the line of Durin."

I sputtered, shooting glances around the room and feeling myself burn with an embarrassment that was almost far too great for sanity. "What?!"

"Congratulations are in order, Miss Baggins!" I looked at Ori, my heart racing. "Indeed, taming such ferocity!" Dwalin added in, coming over so that he could give me a proper pat on the back. In a sense, I was thankful he did not head butt. In another, I was close to being sick with how much none of this was actually accurate or how mortified I was. Balin, bless his soul, had enough sense to hide his head, looking embarrassed enough for the both of us.

"To think they could have been so careless; first by bedding you without a proper courting," My jaw dropped, "And then to have such a young virgin become with child so quickly."

"Oh wow... wow..."

I felt sick. I needed air. I felt way too much as if Bofur were explaining what Smaug was to me again. The room spun, sweat making my forehead damp. Unable to stand it any longer,I backed away from the hand instead of trying to remove myself. Thorin looked entirely too pleased with himself, a look of formal pride on his features that I just couldn't condone in any way, shape or form.

I wouldn't eat food again. I still needed air.

"Naturally your fertility is to be commended but rest assured, we will make sure you are cared for."

The dwarves around us who didn't have a clue as to what was really happening gave a cheer in the air, raising their tankards and drinking deeply to the supposed joy that was on the way. I was still so very shocked, unable to comprehend the words necessary to tell them just how wrong they were.

"Wow... just wow... Just no. No."

"Miss Baggins?"

I was too dumbfounded, just so very dumbfounded by what my life had become. What would my Mum and Dad thought if they knew that this event would be in my future? Oh, I was sure my Mum would laugh at me, amusement quickly overtaking anything else while my Dad would have tried to punch Thorin more than once. Such things just weren't announced in public without a proper conversation! Truly, the differences between dwarven and hobbit culture were so very vast on some subjects.

I needed to make my retreat. I was already backing away.

"I'm going to go and murder your nephews right now."

"I will allow you to do as you please but do be considerate of your condition."

I didn't acknowledge what he said, just standing slack jawed before I turned away entirely and left, a new purpose giving my feet speed. I was going to kill those brothers and I was going to kill myself. Really, how could I have fallen for such dense fools?