As a funny note, when I first started this story I was going to stop after the trolls with some sexy foursome thing and just be done with it all.

It was only because people liked it and because it had grown in my own mind as something huge that I decided to carry it on to the beast it now had become. :D

Summary: Bilbo decides to go back home to Shire but as Thorin said, caves are seldom unoccupied in the Misty Mountains...

As hard as I tried I just couldn't will myself to sleep.

For hours I had been trying to shut my mind off and force myself to feel something other than the sad wondering and raw pain that was somehow still able to keep me awake despite just how exhausted I was. My body was sore from head to toe, the cold sandy cave floor providing little more than misery as I rolled from side to side trying to find a position that didn't hurt so much.

What I wouldn't have given to have Gandalf here to provide me with a small healing spell or even just a bit of tea from Oin that could possibly take the edge off such pain. What I wouldn't have given just to fall asleep. I closed my eyes again, doing my best to remain still and try to keep the thoughts from cornering me.

As soon as the darkness came, the thoughts followed. Thorin's face sneering at me in disdain, once more saying that I would find no place with him, his nephews, or his company. I frowned and tried to will the image away, turning on my side and wincing as fresh pain coursed through my side. I turned on my other side, curling into a small ball when that didn't help either. I remembered Fili's unsteady smile, nervous and unable to comfort me when in the past it had been like a healing balm for all my troubles.

I needed Fili to smile at me. I wanted Thorin to take back what he had said.

I couldn't not think of it though. I couldn't stop my thoughts from once again hearing his words.

I could barely think as it was, the discomfort of trying to sleep on my side so overwhelming in how distracting it was. I turned onto my back, finally finding a position that was somewhat comfortable. I stared at the ceiling as I tried to let exhaustion take over my body fully, weighing down my limbs and making me not want to move. I closed my eyes, wishing to drift off, hoping that sleep would come and bring with it a better tomorrow full of explanations and possibly even an apology if I was lucky.

I heard snoring.

I felt the weight of their snores press down on my chest and instantly I couldn't find the necessary peace to sleep anymore. I turned on my side in frustration, discontent and covered my ears. The sounds were relentless! The storm outside was still going on and I felt them on my lower back but the snores were the worst. I willed my own heartbeat to not even be heard through my own ears.

I was tired. I wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep.

I sat up, unable to take the sounds and looked over to where Fili and the others were. I was tempted and nearly two seconds from picking myself up from my spot and nudging Fili over so that I could burrow down into his coat. Only after I was sufficiently warmed would I demand that he tell me what the hell I was supposed to think about everything that had happened.

I had resolved to order him to tell me what was going on with Thorin and Kili. I would allow nothing less tomorrow morning. Yes, tomorrow morning I would pull him aside and demand he tell me just what was going on with the other two and if I was feeling particularly brave, I would even demand it of Thorin!

I stared at Thorin from across the cave, his arms guarded across his chest as he leaned back against the ground, Fili pressed to his side with Kili rolled off towards the wall. I would have given anything to be right there in the middle of that warm pile but even as I thought of my want, I thought that the feeling of desire was not of merit.

I rested my head in my hands and realized that despite all my intention to demand of Fili to give me answers to some of my most pressing questions, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to pull him aside tomorrow. Thorin would stop me. I would stop me.

I felt as if I didn't have the right to ask of Fili such a thing. I felt I had even less of a right to ask Kili for any information concerning himself or Thorin's attitude. If I felt as if I were not worthy then what was I truly to do?

In the Shire, I would have been congratulated for lasting through the night. By Yavanna, I would have been congratulated just for surviving past the borders of Bree. In a way, I was proud that I hadn't locked up with fear like Fili during the thunder-battle. Dwalin had kept me together and I felt that I should have gotten the credit I deserved for such a thing. I was a Hobbit and we weren't hardened warriors or anything like a dwarf would be...

I just wanted to be acknowledged for not dying. For also surviving the thunder-battle with what a Hobbit would consider flying colors...

I couldn't help but remind myself that I only survived though because of Thorin.

I buried my head into my knees. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this adventuring stuff? I was once a Took just like my Mum but by the time Gandalf came to collect me from Bag End, I was hardly one anymore. I was so much a Baggins that I couldn't even help that fact anymore. I was a Hobbit. Just a simple Hobbit and no Hobbit should have ever thought to leave for any silly adventures.

What had I been thinking?

Truly I had been a fool when I decided that I could actually come along on this quest for no better reason than a sorrowful song and a fancying for their voices and how they affected me. Now I was paying for the fact that I hadn't really thought about it at all in the long run. I had been an even bigger fool when I allowed Thorin to barge his way into my life that first night in Bag End and I was stupid for being taken in by the brothers.

How could I been so stupid to disregard everything that my parents once taught me about love and finding someone special? I had so blindly walked into their circle that I hadn't even stopped to think of anything like this. I thought that our adventure would make our relationship more difficult to express but I didn't imagine that it wouldn't be there! I hadn't thought of a time when Thorin would demand that the brothers part from me. Really though, what had I been expecting. Nothing was ever set in stone between us. Only Fili spoke of love but even then it was so simple. So casual. What were we even called? Lovers? Friends? Mates? I didn't know. I didn't understand. I had nothing to go on for such understanding because I had never asked. I foolishly thought they would tell me if I was polite and gave them some time and space.

Foolishly I thought I had three dwarves whom I could call my lovers, all of who I thought I would consider my own. Traveling through the Misty Mountains, I realized that there wasn't an inch of them that belonged to me. Every inch that I thought belonged to me was imagined and now not even that illusion remained.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to go back to my bed and curl up under my blankets where such things as adventures never happened and I would be allowed to grow old in peace and quiet. I didn't want dwarves to come into my life and mess everything up. I didn't want dwarves to inspire feelings of such passion and love and then just take it all away.

I would go home.

I opened my eyes and looked up into the dark cave, understanding with a bitter clarity just what I had thought and agreed to do. I would return home and I would do it tonight. Not tomorrow, not the day after. Tonight. I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone or try to explain my feelings to the Durin's who I knew wouldn't be able to understand.

I got up from my spot, bending over uncomfortably and wincing in pain as I rolled my bedroll up and stuffed it down into my backpack, clipping the leaf clasp on it shut and reaching down for my sword. Quickly, I belted it on, pulling it tight around my waist. Turning around to make sure that I hadn't disturbed anyone in the company, I reached down for my backpack, settling it on my shoulders and tip toeing my way through the pile of dwarves that littered the floor of the cave.

My steps were silent, not at all causing even the lightest of sleepers to stir. I was almost to the mouth of the cave when I heard Bofur's voice and I cursed myself for not remembering that I would need to deal with our watchman.

"Whoa! Where do you think you're going?"

I stopped, turning only slightly to face Bofur head on. I would at least not be a coward about this. I was certainly no dwarf and I wouldn't need to drag this out but I would at least give Bofur a proper goodbye.

"Back to Rivendell."

"No, no!" Bofur rushed up from his spot, worry in his eyes and his voice a trembling touch against my feet. "You can't leave us now, eh? You're part of the company. You're one of us."

How I wanted to be a part of the company. How I wanted for Thorin to never have spoken the truth of things so loudly that all would be able to hear. I was not one of the company and I wouldn't ever be just on the simple basis of fact that I wasn't a dwarf and I wasn't some battle-hardened Hobbit that could take on an orc and come away unscathed.

"I'm not though, am I? Thorin said I had no place with you and he was right."

I wanted to explain that I wasn't a Took but it was a reference that the dwarves had never asked me about and yet another thing that we wouldn't understand about one another. I shook my head, "I'm just a Hobbit, just a silly little Hobbit. I'm not a Dwarf and I'm just not enough. I don't know what I was thinking."

Bofur looked hurt by what I said, like he wanted to deny everything but he watched my face give with emotion and practically crumble as I tried to keep myself from crying. I just wanted to leave and not drag this out and yet here I was crying to the first dwarf who was willing to listen. I really was as soft as Thorin always believed I was.

"I should have stopped myself from running out my door."

"You're upset about earlier. I understand!"

"No! You don't understand! None of you do!" I was upset about earlier. I was upset about right now. I was in pain emotionally and physically and all I wanted to do was bury my face into Thorin's fur jacket even whilst I was kicking him in the face. I wanted to cry and shout and scream at all of them for being so dumb and heartless. I was mean and I didn't want to be mean but I couldn't stop it.

"You're dwarves! You're used to this life! To living on the road, not belonging anywhere, not caring about anyone else but you and your own!"

I stopped myself and pulled back, my hands covering my mouth because of what I had just said so angrily. It was so unlike me that I instantly felt ashamed and my face grow hot. Tears came freely and I was horrified by the fact that Bofur only looked stunned and hurt by my cruel words. I had meant them but I hadn't meant those words. I hadn't meant to hurt Bofur in such a way.

I was angry and upset but what I said had gone too far.

"...Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

I stopped myself because no apology could ever make up for such harsh words. I wanted to look away but Bofur, as kind as he was didn't even look like he was that offended by my words. Yes, his face had gone slack with surprise but his eyes still held a kindness in them that said that he understood. He understood why I said it and his understanding only made me feel worse.

"No, you're right." He nodded slowly, his eyes crinkling with sadness even as he looked back at the company, "We just... We don't."

He couldn't finish, his voice cracking even as it brushed along my feet light as a feather. He couldn't bring himself to agree or even defend against what was said. He stopped and looked back at me with a small smile on his face, coming close so that he could grip my shoulder.

"I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do."

Just like that, I had been forgiven. Just like that I was free to go.

I took the opportunity to leave on what I could consider the very best of terms all things considering and I reciprocated the gesture, clutching onto his forearm tightly for a moment before letting go and turning to the mouth of the cave.

"What's that?"

"Hmm?"

I stopped, looking back at Bofur, the tickle on my feet telling me of his surprise and curiosity over whatever had caught his attention. I traced where his eyes were looking but when I looked down at my waist, I only saw my sword...

...which was glowing blue.

I reached down, hoping to Yavanna that it was just a trick of the light but even as I slowly pulled it from its sheathe, I saw that it was not a trick. It really was glowing blue.

I remembered what Gandalf told me.

I couldn't breathe. I looked at Bofur, "It's blue."

The ground creaked, mechanical noises turning below my feet. I looked down and saw how the sand shifted and exposed lines across the cave floor all the way to the back.

"Wake up." Thorin's voice on my arm. Had he been awake the entire time? Had he heard everything I said? Had he heard the ground creaking too? "Wake up!"

The ground opened up beneath the entire company and despite even me being so close to the cave's opening, I too was swallowed by the shifting panels. Slipping down, I couldn't even grab at anything before I knew that I was falling along with everyone else. Everyone was forced to wake in a great whirl of panic, the rush of sand and gravity all around us as we fell through a giant tunnel.

We were falling underneath the mountain itself, crashing against the bottom of the tunnel. As soon as my body crashed into the harsh curve of the tunnel, I cried out as fresh agony burst from my ribs. I wanted to clutch and grab at anything but the sides of the tunnel were too smooth to grab onto and we slid so quickly that even if I managed to grab a hold of anything, it would have been too painful to actually maintain any grasp on.

I tumbled, twisting and turning with the curve of the tunnel, knocking into the others painfully as we all scrapped along the rocky edges.

There was a great light rushing towards us and I knew it was the mouth of the tunnel that would deposit us wherever it was designed to. As soon as we landed, we would be trapped and we wouldn't be able to escape. We were in more trouble now than when we were against the stone-giants.

One by one we each landed in what looked to be a giant clawed cage meant to keep us from falling off the edge of the mechanism meant to catch us. Amidst the gruntings and groanings, I landed with a cry of pain, clutching my side on top of a dwarf and only realized that it was Thorin when I looked down and saw him looking up at me. His eyes narrowed on mine and in that quick second, I guessed he finally realized that I was injured.

We both heard a series of sounds behind us and instantly, my palms felt like something was cutting them. I turned to look at the sight that Thorin caught over my shoulder, seeing how a hoard of goblins were coming at us. I expected Thorin to push me off of him so that he could try and defend himself and his company but he did no such thing. Quickly the goblins were upon us and Thorin held onto me with such a vice grip that I saw his knuckles whiten. Their horrid cries in my ears, the cutting sensation of my palms, I felt hands grabbing me as they tried to pull me away from Thorin. He refused to let them separate us, wrenching me from them and turning so that they would need to pull at him instead.

Once he was pulled to his feet, he cried out, "Dwalin!"

His voice was icy with apprehension, pushing me with all his strength away from him at the front of the company and into Dwalin's arms further back where the goblins weren't yet able to go. Even as goblins pushed the group up and tried to grip onto each of us, Dwalin's grip on me was strong until once again they tried to grab at me. They pulled him forward, tugging us both along the wooden walkway. He growled out something in Khuzdul and once again I was being pushed to the back where Nori caught me and pushed me behind him. They wanted me behind the entire group so that I would be as hidden as I could possibly be.

As the goblins pulled the company along the walkway, such a thing as remaining hidden was not something that could be done but as we were dragged along in a great rush of dwarf and goblin, I realized that I actually was only being pushed by the pull of bodies and not actually any goblin hand.

I stopped being herded along and ducked down.

Nothing pulled me any more. On my hands and knees, I saw the company still being herded away at an alarming pace. What would I do if I were separated from them entirely? Leave? Try and help them? What could I possibly do?

I crawled out of the way of the walkway, not wanting to be seen by any stray goblin that might come out of the shadows; silently, I waited until only a flutter of birds remained before I crept out and looked around. Though the area was lit with some lighting, it was still too dark to really see much. I pulled out my sword to try and give myself better lighting, the blade glowing brightly and casting everything around me in a blue tinge. Slowly I went along the walkway, hoping to remain hidden.

A moment later, I realized what a foolish thing that had been to think. How could I remain hidden when we were in a goblin nest?

A goblin taller than me came at me, a scream coming from its mouth even as it charged me. I flinched back in terror and pain, instantly bringing my sword up to try and do anything that wouldn't get me so easily killed by the goblin. I deflected one of its attacks by pure luck alone and I rushed it with my shoulder when it came to charge me again. Its grip was relentless on my clothing, unable to be pushed off as it latched onto my back and tried to unbalance me.

I was falling again. I had fallen off the walkway. I rolled along the ground, the impact making me drop my sword. I grabbed onto the nearest thing I could see, a rope that burned my hands when I gripped it to try and stop myself from falling completely. There was too much momentum though and before I knew it, I had run out of rope and was plummeting down into the darkness.

I felt like I had been rolling and tumbling along rock for an eternity, unable to understand if this was what death would be like when really falling off a cliff side.

I landed with a harsh thud in something soft enough to cushion my fall but not enough to distract me from the fresh wave of pain that erupted from my ribs. I was sick again with the pain of my injury. I was fading. I could feel the darkness closing in around me.

Wherever I had landed would be as much a riddle to me as what was out there in the darkness.

Next up is Riddles in the Dark!