"Ginny…" Hermione's voice was quivering with emotion. Mostly rage. She was glaring at the red-haired Weasley girl with as much intensity and ferocity as Uncle Vernon staring at a helpless, terrified, sugar-coated donut that had just attempted to escape his massive jowls. However, after a couple seconds, Hermione took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and slowly opened them again.

"Let's try this again." Hermione's face had quickly been dispelled of all her rage. In a few seconds, she had changed from revenge-seeking, eye-dagger-shooting terror to mild-mannered-looking, ordinary Hermione. She even had an innocent smile on her face. It didn't quite reach her eyes, though.

Ginny looked somewhat relieved, but Harry wasn't fooled. This was bad. Very bad. Hermione looked in complete control of herself, which made things even worse. After all, what would you rather face? A raging beast, or a cold, calculating predator? Hermione may have looked harmless, but she was was just biding her time, stalking her prey, waiting for the oppotune moment.

"At least," Harry thought grimly, "I'm not getting blamed for this. Better Gin-Gin than me!"

"Alright, Ginny," Hermione asked in a falsely sweet, girly voice, "what are you doing here with Harry?"

"Well, you see, I was just hanging around…"

"Yes…"

"And I was feeling a bit lonely…"

"Uh huh…"

"And I thought to myself, you know, Harry's a really great guy. He's kind, powerful, handsome. I bet he'd make a great dad. And since the Ministry wants these babies anyway...and so does my Mum…"

"Go on…"

"I...um...thought I might...well...take advantage of these new laws and...try to sleep with Harry!"

Hermione frowned ever so slightly. "I see. You didn't see anything...oh...I don't know...wrong with this?"

Now Ginny looked confused. "Well, no, not really. That's the whole thing with these convenient new laws. I help Harry get lucky, which I know he'll enjoy. Harry gets me pregnant, and that puts me in a good place with Mum and the Ministry. Plus I help save the magical race. It's a win for everyone involved! Isn't that why you're here?" Ginny looked at Hermione questioningly, her brain finally now taking the time to wonder why Hermione was actually here, especially dressed as she was. Why else would she be here if not for the same reason as Ginny? Harry watching from a safe, steadily growing distance, swore he saw steam come out of Hermione's ears, but he could have been just hallucinating. In all honesty, his mind hadn't really been fully operational since Ginny came in. Or really since he'd been with Hermione. Some more sarcastic friends of his would likely say it hadn't in quite the while.

"No Ginny," Hermione answered, much too patiently and kindly. "I am here because, as of the last three weeks, I have been married to Harry." Hermione let that little tidbit sink in.

"Oh...shit...You mean…" Ginny's face turned redder than her hair, which was honestly quite the achievement.

"Yes."

"You and Harry…?"

"Mmm hmm."

"So that means I just…"

"Correct."

Fuck. This was bad. For the first time, perhaps, Ginny, started to realize how bad this looked for her. She was screwed, and not even by the person she had been wanting to get screwed by that night. Eyes wide as Hedwig's glowing orbs, Ginny looked in horror at the brunette girl. Quick! she thought. Defensive maneuvers!

"Oh Hermione! Please don't be mad! I swear, I didn't know! You know I care about you two and wouldn't want to make you mad!"

"Oh I'll make sure of that," Hermione muttered. She did, however, take another deep breath that seemed to actually calm her down a little. She couldn't really blame Ginny, the rational part of her brain was telling her. Hermione had known about Ginny's crush on Harry every since he'd saved her in the Chamber. It honestly wasn't too dissimilar from Hermione seeing him in a new light after the troll. And Hermione had no doubt that Molly had been dropping hints, likely not even that subtle, about how she'd love to help raise some grandchildren, both as a way of showing her support and just due to her mothering personality. Hermione might very well have done the same thing were she in Ginny's place. Could she really judge too harshly? Plus, while not especially close, she and Ginny were friends.

Seeing Hermione stopping and really thinking now, Ginny saw a chance to salvage the situation, maybe even come out ahead. "Can you really blame me Hermione?" she asked gently. "You know what Harry's like. He deserves plenty of love in his life, I just thought I'd help out." She grinned. "You know, maybe we could share him a little. Help a girl out a little, you know? Plus I'm sure that Harry wouldn't mind," Ginny added with a wink, though when she looked to where Harry had been sitting she found he'd shuffled away much farther. Strange.

From a relatively safer distance away, Harry winced. Ginny was too focused on her attempt at bargaining, but Harry had seen the twitch in Hermione's eye and the return of the stone cold predator eyes. If things weren't so serious, and if he wasn't afraid of the repercussions should he be seen, Harry might well have conjured up some popcorn to watch the show. Wisely, he decided that an action like that probably wouldn't bode well for him. Instead, he just continued to slowly back away and let the two girls figure it out. Diplomatically, he was sure.

While not as quick on the uptake or as perceptive as Harry, Ginny did realize that perhaps this proposal had been brought up a little too early. "C'mon, Hermione, let's just this put this behind us. Please don't be mad!"

"Oh I'm not mad." Hermione's face still looked calm and carefree, but her words definitely had an edge to them. If Ginny had been wise, she would have noticed this and fled for her life. However, she didn't. Poor Ginny. In terms of finances, information, and luck. Poor, poor Ginny.

"Oh good. I was worried that you'd…" Unwisely, Ginny was relieved by Hermione's statement. Ginny let her guard down. Ginny was in for a rough night. And not the kind she had come looking for.

"I'M ABSOLUTELY LIVID!"

Harry's eyes widened and he watched in horror as Hermione whipped out her wand. He hadn't even seen her pick it up. Hermione must have retrieved it during the confusion and Ginny's distracted pleading. Even Voldemort might've been scared seeing speed like that mixed with the look in her eye. Hermione slashed her wand in the air and shouted an incantation that Harry had never heard before.

"Breastilus Blimpswellio!"

Harry watched in a mix of amusement, fascination, and horror as Ginny's admittedly small boobs began to grow. Unsure if this was the intended result, he looked over at Hermione. She was smiling maliciously at the equally confused redhead. Harry's eyes returned back to Ginny, whose bust size was still rapidly expanding. She went from A to B to C to D and beyond. Harry wasn't certain if he should really be looking at Ginny's swelling breasts with Hermione in the room and in this...state... but the sight was just too strange for him to tear his eyes away. Buttons shot away and clothing ripped, and still Ginny's bosoms continued to swell.

For some reason, Ginny began standing on her toes. Harry again glanced over at Hermione, eyebrows raised in puzzlement. She glanced back and smiled, a real smile this time, which was extremely relieving, and motioned for Harry to keep watching.

It was actually somewhat funny, if a little disturbing, and Harry still couldn't tear his eyes from the scene. Ginny appeared to be growing lighter, and it almost seemed like she had a pair of hot air balloons for boobs. Strange.

Then something clicked in Harry's mind and he understood what was going on, just as Ginny began screaming some very nasty words and her hot air bazooms began to rise even more, carrying her along as well. Soon she was stuck to the ceiling, still screaming at Hermione at the top of her lungs, unable to do anything but hang and thank her lucky stars that she wasn't anywhere near a window. Or a ceiling fan.

"Good thing I reinforced the Silencing Charms around our quarters," Hermione brightly remarked. "Though these weren't quite the circumstances I had in mind."

It was a bit hard to hear her over the screams, which were now followed by annoyed cursing, so Harry tentatively moved closer to her. He was happy to see that Hermione's terrifying rage from earlier seemed to have been abated. Remembering something Ron had said long ago, Harry ventured, "You're a bit scary sometimes, you that right?" He glanced up at the floating girl. "Brilliant, but scary."

Hermione now seemed to be practically bouncing up and down with joy. "Did you really think so? You weren't just pretending to be scared?"

Harry cautiously glanced at her. "You mean you're not…"

"Oh I'm still mad at her. Definitely angry." Hermione was still almost hopping with delight. "But that reaction was amazing! I really wanted to scare the shit out of her, you know? Though thankfully not literally, especially considering the spell I used. That would be a nasty carpet-cleaning job."

Harry could only nod. "Speaking of which, where did you ever find something like that?"

"In a book." Hermione was smiling triumphantly. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Wow, what a surprise. I meant, like, specifically." Maybe it was time he started looking at what books Hermione was actually reading.

"Ah. Yes. It was in the kinky library we found. There were a few body adjustment spells, which I used as the base charm, and then I sort of...improvised."

"Gotcha," remarked Harry, staring once again at the screaming figure floating in the middle of their quarters. If Molly could see Ginny's current hand gestures, she would have the girl's fingers charmed together for a month. "Wait, you went there again without me? Come on. Promise me that next time we'll go there together." Hermione smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"So," Harry hesitantly added, "are you gonna let her down, um, anytime soon?"

"Oh no. I've got loads more to try yet!" Hermione excitedly answered.

Harry's eyes widened. "Uh, are we talking like, mintues? Hours? Please not days."

Hermione's eyes narrowed again. "I want to make sure she's not sufficiently dissuaded from trying any more 'sharing.'" Hermione then smiled a big wide smile that Harry knew he couldn't resist for long. "Tell you what," she replied, after thinking for a minute. (Even thinking was hard with Ginny's screams and streams of curses that would nearly give poor Molly a heart attack. She had a pretty large lung capacity and hardly ever stopped to breathe. Hopefully brain damage would be kept to a minimum.) "Why don't you go for a little walk. When you come back, we can wrap things up."

"Wrap things up as in…"

"Actually, um, funny you mention that..."

"Hermione, come on. Isn't that a bit much?"

"You're no fun. Don't worry, it's not like I'd ever actually hurt her or anything" Hermione sighed. "As I said, I just want to give her some...things to think about."

"You realize that makes me in no way at all feel obligated to trust you."

"Oh, just go on your stroll," Hermione grinned, pushing Harry toward the door. "Give me and Ginny a bit of time alone. Girl talk, you're not allowed. We'll...sort things out. Bye!" With that she slammed the door shut leaving our dashing hero out in the corridor and hoping that there would still be two beautiful women, alive and in one piece, inside the room when he came back.

Harry soon found himself outside the portrait door of his quarters with nothing but his wand, hastily thrown-on robes, invisibility cloak, and a looming sense of dread about what would be in store for both him and Ginny, Harry decided he might as well try and kill time somehow. Hermione knew Ginny hadn't intentionally tried to break them up or anything. She'd offered to share, not threatened to steal Harry for herself. The fact that she was interested in sharing...well...Harry decided it would be best not to think about that. Regardless, Harry decided he'd return back sooner rather than later.

Nearby Harry could see the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room. He remembered Neville saying something about not seeing him in there much this year. In fact, Harry didn't think he'd been in the Gryffindor Common at all since he and Hermione had been paired. Deciding that maybe he should go in and say hello, Harry walked over to the portrait door where the Fat Lady was sleeping.

"Um, excuse me? Hello? Can I go in?" Harry called out.

The Fat Lady awoke rather grumpily. She took one look at Harry, eyed him skeptically, and yawned. "Password?"

"Shit." Harry thought to himself. He'd forgotten about the whole 'password' thing. Having a room connected to him and his magic specifically was easier and more secure than a password and he had to admit he'd gotten a bit spoiled from it lately. No one had bothered to tell him the password and, in his distraction with Hermione and because of his lack of need for sleeping there, he'd never bothered to ask. Maybe the Fat Lady would let him in without it just this once. After all, he was a fifth year and clearly a Gryffindor student.

"Password?"

"Um, yeah, about that," Harry replied, "I don't know it. Can you just let me in? Please?"

"Ha! Nice try, young man, but you're going to have to try harder than that. Only Gryffindors can enter here. No students from other Houses. Especially not this close to curfew."

"Students from other Houses!" Harry sputtered, "I'm not from another House! I'm in Gryffindor!"

"A likely story," the obese portrait scoffed.

"Look! Right here!" Harry held up the Gryffindor symbol on his robes. "I'm in Gryffindor!"

"Like you could fool me! I bet you just changed your robes on your way over here."

"Why would I do that?!"

"Obviously," the Fat Lady replied, rolling her eyes, "you have some horrible plan to prank these brave, chivalrous students."

"Why would I prank them? I'm in Gryffindor!" Harry reiterated, growing steadily more annoyed.

"Uh huh. Sure."

"Don't you recognize me at all?"

"Should I? I'm not used to seeing you without your Slytherin robes. Or maybe Ravenclaw. Or Hufflecluffs or whatever."

"I've been here four years! This is my fifth year! I've gone through your portrait at least twice a day for four years!"

"And I've been here a lot longer. Many, many students. Such a blur of faces and names. You can't expect me to remember one student in particular."

"Does the name Harry Potter ring a bell?"

The Fat Lady paused to think, though her over-the-top expression made Harry feel like he was being mocked. "Nope. Sorry. Good night."

"Seriously?"

"Ah, Sirius Black. A wonderful student. Always sneaking out and in, greeting me every time. A Gryffindor, you know. Don't believe all those nasty rumors about him."

"You remember Sirius Black?"

"Of course. He'd sneak in after curfew all the time, and I'd hear through the Hogwarts painting grapevine the next day about what he and his friends had been up to. Such a dashing young rogue" she sighed.

Harry let out a sigh of his, trying to contain his frustration and clearly failing. "You remember his friends too? What about James Potter? Remember him?"

"Oh yes. How could I not? Wonderful boys, the both of them. Why, I remember when dear James was Head Boy. Oh I was so happy for him when he finally wooed the Head Girl, Lilly Evans! She had lovely eyes, you know. I'd recognize eyes like hers anywhere! They were destined to be together, I knew it the moment I first let them in the Common Room! One night, when they thought no one was watching, they started snogging against that wall right there and then James-"

Not wanting to hear any more of what his parents had done, Harry cut her off. "Yeah. He was my dad. And she was my mum! Both Gryffindor. Like me. People say I look just like my dad" Harry gestured to his face, his hair, and his glasses. He'd always been told he looked just like his dad. (Except of, course, his eyes. He had his mother's eyes. People never shut up about the eyes. Always the exact same comments.) He sighed. "And I've got my mother's eyes. See the resemblance?"

Once again the Fat Lady mockingly stared at him, pretending to scrutinize his face for only a moment. "Ummm….nope. No access! Goodbye!"

Having had enough, Harry shook his his head and began to walk away. He couldn't deal with this right now. No one could accuse Harry of being big-headed about his fame, but even he was a little pissed that the Fat Lady didn't seem to remember him at all. That could take a shot at anyone's ego after hearing her praise his own parents like that. Looking over his shoulder, he shouted back, "Next time try and remember the name HARRY BLOODY POTTER!"

Amazingly, right as he finished saying his name, the portrait door swung open at once, revealing the Gryffindor Common Room entrance and a very surprised Ron Weasley standing just inside.

"Damn it!" Ron shook his head, now clearly annoyed.

"It was great while it lasted," the Fat Lady lamented. "I have to obey the magical rules I've been set in place with though. A shame he figured out the password. Nice idea with the Sirius mention, by the way. That was by far the best part!"

"Nice ad lib with the Hufflecluffs thing."

"Thanks."

"Is the stuff about his his parents really true?"

"Oh that isn't even the wildest story about them! They were legends among the portraits, I heart that one time in an abandoned hallway by the suits of armor he had her in a-"

"Wait a minute, hold on!" Harry quickly walked back over. The Fat Lady quickly laid her head against the side of her portrait, ineffectively pretending to be asleep, and Ron was trying not to laugh. "The password to the Common Room was 'Harry Bloody Potter'?" Are you kidding me?"

"You gotta admit it's easy to remember," Ron pointed out, chuckling now.

"And you were right inside…"

"Yup."

"Telling her what to say..."

"For the most part. As I said, I didn't even know about that stuff with your mum and dad, but-"

"Making me think she didn't remember me and keeping me out of the Common Room?!"

"Pretty much!" Ron was beaming, and Harry found it hard to stay annoyed at his best male friend. Admittedly, it was kind of funny. It would have been much funnier had it been someone else, but that was beside the point.

"Out of curiosity," he asked, stepping inside, "what would you guys have done if I hadn't accidentally guessed the password?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"Never mind."

"Why are you here, anyway?"

"Well," Harry sighed, "Let's just say Hermione needed a little bit of privacy, and I certainly wasn't one to turn her down."

"Well, Ginny," Hermione joyfully asked, "now that we're alone, what do you think we should do?"

"PUT ME DOWN NOW, HERMIONE!"

"Whoops, sorry, don't think I can do that yet. I seem to have forgotten how to counter the spell. Oh well, now we can just spend some quality time together." Hermione grinned, walking over to a little stack of books that hadn't been in the bedroom the night before.

"Hermione, I'm warning you!"

"Oh by all means you do that! Look what I've found!A nice story book to read. It's storytime! Here's the title: Kinky Sex Stories. Not very creative, I'm sure, but just the sort of thing to make you want to lie back in a comfortable spot and give yourself a nice relaxing rub."

"NOOOO! JUST STOP ALREADY!"

"Oh what a shame, will this be awkward for you? Or annoying, maybe getting you worked up with no way to do anything about it? Wanting something you can't have? Huh, that's shame. Chapter 1: The Pussy Cat and the One-Eyed Snake …"

"So, Ron, how are things with you?" Harry asked, walking through the Common Room and having nostalgic thoughts.

"Well, kinda boring actually," Ron replied. "With no Dark Lord to harass us, it sort of makes the school year feel pointless and empty. Do you realize that this is the first year that we aren't spending almost all our free time researching evil people, places, or things? Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of work, but it was way more fun than actually doing all our normal assignments and readings. I'd gotten so used to all that. Now that it's gone, it almost just doesn't feel quite like Hogwarts anymore."

Harry sighed. Ron was right. Things were pretty peaceful around here, which was certainly a new thing. Harry had Hermione and their awkward/exciting/weird/stimulating relationship to keep him busy, but Ron had none of that. Ron had much less, since he wasn't hanging out with Harry and Hermione as much. They really had been ignoring him a bit, if he had to be honest. Right then and there, Harry resolved to find some way to make sure he and Hermione and Ron would all see each other more often, or at least watch out for each other. Maybe Ginny could even join.

"We need to find something new to do," Harry decided. "If evil isn't going to give us any fun this year, then we're just going to have to make our own fun. The only problem is, I have no idea what we should do. Any ideas?"

"Nope." Ron shook his head, disappointed. "We could take stuff up to a new level with Bumridge, but Fred and George's supplies haven't arrived yet. Not to mention, we don't want to push our luck with the rest of the staff turning a blind eye."

Harry nodded. Best to spread things out instead of doing everything at once and then getting in trouble.

"Well," Harry added, "Sirius is still on the run, so we can't do anything fun with him. Unless you count trying to help him legally and conversing with politicians fun."

"Nope." While Ron couldn't deny the importance of that sort of thing, that was far beyond both his interest and skill.

"Didn't think so. Quidditch is the only thing we've got planned in the near future, but it's not up to full time yet. Not much else to do at all beyond classwork, really. There's just that and me visiting Gringotts."

"Why are you visiting Gringotts?" Ron asked, and Harry remembered that he needed to talk to Ron about his new position. That said, he wasn't sure he wanted to talk to him in the Gryffindor Common Room, empty though it might seem. When he tentatively mentioned so to Ron, the redhead simply shrugged before casting a spell that Harry had never heard of.

"Ron," Harry asked, looking at his ginger friend in surprise, "where did you learn that spell? What does it do?"

Ron sighed. "As I said, Harry, I've been really bored. Extremely bored. So I started reading some library books." Seeing Harry's wide eyes, he quickly added, "I'm not becoming Hermione, I swear! Just a few, nothing much. I've got an image to keep up. I just thought it might be fun to learn some more practical spells that aren't normally taught in class. I found some slightly sketchy looking spellbooks somewhat hidden in the library, and I found this spell in them. It shields the caster's conversations and prevents anyone from overhearing or eavesdropping on them!"

"Wow," Harry nodded, impressed, "that is pretty good. Hermione would be proud." Both his friends were learning new spells. Harry decided that, next time he had some free time, he would do his own research. He couldn't let himself fall behind.

"Speaking of Hermione, how are things going with you two?" Ron asked.

"Pretty well, actually." Harry smiled.

"But here you are, at kind of an odd time. Saying she needed 'private time.' You guys didn't get into a fight, did you?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I don't think." Harry sighed. "Actually, I'd be more worried about Ginny." Harry shuddered, thinking about the horrible torture Ginny was being put through. Listening through Hermione's lectures on school work and complex magical theory were boring torture enough. He'd seen her stash of kinky books. Ginny, raised in a conservative pure-blood family, was probably in for quite the awakening, if she hadn't already experienced it. Repressed bookworms were a very...special...lot.

"Ginny?" Ron seemed quite confused. "But what would Ginny have to do with you and Hermione?... Oh fuck." Ron's eyes widened, and he began quickly talking quietly to himself. "She was about as blind to you guy's feelings as t he two of you were. She knows Mum's stressing about her empty nest and heard her reassure us she'd help with any grandchildren, and she had that huge crush on Harry." Nervously turning his gaze back upon an embarrassed Harry, Ron began, "Please don't tell me that she..."

"Yup."

"Hermione wasn't..."

"She was in the bathroom. When she came out, Ginny was..."

"Oh bloody hell."

"So now Hermione's kicked me out for a while so she and Ginny can have a little...talk."

"Well, that doesn't sound-"

"Ginny apologized, but then suggested that Hermione could...share." Harry felt his face grow red. Who really wants to tell their guy friend that his sister just tried to make a move on you and your wife?

Ron sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, and then rolled his eyes. "What do you think the odds are that she's immobilized Ginny and forcing her to listen to some awful lecture-rant combination. We both know she always wanted to do that to us."

"Ginny was already...caught...before I left, but yeah, my thoughts exactly. I think Ginny's little stunt pushed Hermione over the edge, caving in to her desires to force-feed information."

"Wonder what Gin's being forced to learn," Ron mused.

"Actually," Harry replied, "I'm doing my best not to think about it. Anyway, you wanted to know about Gringotts, so here's the story…"

"Well, Ginny," Hermione happily asked, "wasn't that a great story?"

"MMMMMFFFFF!" Ginny didn't seem to agree.

"That didn't make you feel awkward or guilty, did it? Listening to me read a book of kinky sex stories, knowing what I might in the future read it for and with whom I might read it?"

"MMMMMFFFF!" Ginny was really regretting coming here.

"I especially liked the informative side-note on the Ball Gag Charm, didn't you? You certainly stopped complaining after that. I think it's really cute how we made yours looks like a little Snitch." Hermione smiled, looking up at the unfortunate Weasley girl.

"MMMFFF!" Ginny did not like having a ball gag resembling a Snitch that prevented her from apologizing/yelling/cursing/all of the above. Ginny did not like listening to Hermione read kinky stories. She hadn't even known that gerbils could be used for that sort of thing. This definitely wasn't the vague book her mum had given her to read when she learned about...all that.

"That's what I thought," Hermione replied smugly, returning the book to the pile. "I think now it's time for another story, but this one won't be from a book. It's a little fairy tale I made up. Wanna hear it?"

"MMFF!" Ginny did not want to hear it. Not at all. She'd heard Hermione once tell some nasty Muggle fairy tale called Little Red Riding Hood. Wolves and grandmothers should never mix.

"It's called, Prince Harry, Princess Hermione, and the Unfortunate Troll Who Tried to Separate Them. Sounds great, right?"

"MMMMMMMFFFFFFFFF!" Ginny wished she could run out of the room screaming. She had a sinking feeling that this new fairy tale would be even worse than the others.

"Glad to hear it. Let's begin. Once upon a time, there lived a handsome Prince named Harry. He lived happily with the beautiful, extremely intelligent Princess Hermione. Now, they were both very happy, until the day a red troll decided to try and steal Harry for itself…"

"So," Harry finished, "that's how I realized that I am now the Head of the House of Potter."

"Wow," Ron exclaimed, surprised. "I kind of forget that you were raised by Muggles. Especially since you stayed with us last summer, since Voldemort was gone."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "That's why I'm going to Gringotts. I'll probably have lots of stuff to look over and lots to learn."

"So do you know how much money is in your family account?" Ron asked excitedly.

"No, Ron."

"What about extra properties? Maybe a nice, out of the way cottage or some big building you can charge rent for?"

"No idea, Ron."

"In what shape is Potter Manor in, if it exists? I've never heard of it, but according to Dad the Potters have always been sorta secretive."

"Don't know, Ron."

"And speaking of its condition, what about house elves? Do you have any?"

"Ron, I have no idea."

"What if you've got a big share of some companies, Harry! Maybe you could take over the Daily Prophet, or Flourish and Blotts, or the Leaky Cauldron!"

"Yeah, Ron that would be cool. Only problem is that I don't know any of that stuff. None. That's why I'm going to Gringotts in the first place."

Ron nodded, his questions silenced. "Sorry. Got a bit carried away there. I guess I'm just used to knowing all about my family. Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure you'll find it all out. And, speaking of house elves, I bet you've at least got one."

Harry looked at Ron, confused, before he groaned. "You mean..."

"Yup."

"Dobby…?" Harry tentatively called. Instantly, the little elf popped into existence right next to Harry.

"Greetings, Master Harry Potter sir! Dobby is happy to see you doing well. How can Dobby be pleasing you, Master Harry Potter sir?"

"Uhhh...well Dobby, I was...um…"

Ron butted in, seeing Harry's hesitation. "He wants to know if you'd like to work for him once he figures out where his properties are."

Dobby's eyes widened, and the little elf seemed to nearly float in the air with joy. "Dobby would be honored, Master Harry Potter sir! Yous tell Dobby where Dobby needs to go, and Dobby will do whatever Master Harry Potter needs! Dobby must be off, though, for his socks are almost done from the wash!" With a snap of his fingers, the little elf was gone with a soft 'pop.'

"Really, Ron?" Harry sighed. "What's Hermione going to say when she finds out we've employed Dobby?"

"Harry, mate, you've gotta understand. House elves aren't some poor, oppressed little midget people. They like, no, they need to be bonded. You've only met two house elves, and neither came from families that you'd expect anything good from. Don't try and judge them all based on those two. Dobby wants to work for you, and we all know you're not going to treat him poorly. Even if Hermione doesn't like the system, she has to accept that Dobby wants to work for you and that's his call. If it really bothers you, set something up with him. Give him wages, a day off, whatever. He won't want them, but it won't feel like enslavement then." Ron blushed a little. "Plus, house elves are pretty expensive. They can do a whole lot more than just clean, they're pretty powerful magically."

Harry nodded. Dobby had protected him once from Malfoy's father, after all. Ron had a valid point, Harry could certainly use someone like Dobby helping out. He'd ask Dobby about pay later. Now, however, Harry decided that he should probably go back to his quarters. He'd been away long enough for whatever sadistic lecture-torture Hermione had planned. If she wasn't done yet, Harry would have to finish it for her. He felt somewhat honored by Hermione's defensiveness of him, but Ginny was still their friend. A misinformed friend, but if he and Hermione had announced their relationship, it likely wouldn't have happened. Probably. Harry tried not to drift onto that whole 'sharing' thing. Wishing Ron goodnight and promising to rescue Ginny from whatever terrible learning she was being force-fed, Harry made his way back to where Hermione and Ginny were.

Just as he opened the door, Harry heard a loud scream followed by an even louder splattering sound. "Bloody hell," Harry thought to himself. "Did I underestimate Hermione's defensiveness of me? What is Hermione doing? Please, please, please don't let there be a body to clean up! Ron would kill me! Then Fred would kill me, then George, then Percy, then Bill..."

He walked into the room and found Hermione standing in the middle, smiling nervously. She was covered from head to toe in a red, sticky liquid. So was the floor, the walls, and over half of the furniture. Harry felt his stomach tighten up in worry.

"Hermione, what is all this? Where's Ginny? Why is the room all red and sticky?"

"Umm, hey Harry. Well, I guess you could say it is all red and sticky."

"Hermione…"

"Would you believe that it's special Pumpkin Juice?"

"No I would not believe that, Hermione."

"Dementor nectar?"

"No."

"Some of Fawkes's tears?"

"Tell me the truth Hermione."

"Fine," Hermione sighed. She was caught. Time to admit the truth. "I was just about done with our lesson when I found a spell that shoots overripe cherries, so I was...um...helping Ginny with her Quidditch Seeker skills. She's caught every single one in some form or another! Isn't that great!"

"You...what? Where's Ginny? Please tell me she's alright..."

"Up there." A noticeably satisfied Hermione pointed to an extremely red and sticky area of the ceiling that seemed to be moving around somewhat.

"Why isn't she screaming or cursing at you?" Harry asked.

"I used a Ball Gag Charm," Hermione explained. Seeing Harry's smirk, she added, "And don't you dare question how I know that."

Harry shrugged. "You know you're going to have to let her go, right?"

"But Harry, I was going to transfigure her into a llama and parade her through the Great Hall! We could even give her a silly hat, like what we all wore as First Years! We could even name her something cute, like Carl..." Hermione whined, biting her lower lip and pouting in an expression that was irresistible. At least, it was irresistible normally. Being covered in red, sticky cherry juice makes it hard for one to pout convincingly.

"No, Hermione. Maybe we can do that to Malfoy some other time."

"Fine." Hermione cast a spell that sent Ginny slowly drifting to the ground. Soon her boobs had deflated back to normal size, and Hermione gently yet quickly guided Ginny toward the door.

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Such as…?"

"The ball gag?"

"Oh...heh heh...of course."

Hermione quickly removed the Ball Gag Charm, causing Ginny to immediately begin speaking again. Now it was the red head's turn to be freakishly calm, and Harry didn't like it one bit.

"Goodbye, Hermione. I had a wonderful time. Next time, though, we simply must switch roles. Can't have you taking all the...fun"

Before Ginny could say anything more, Harry quickly guided her to the door, muttering a quick apology, and shut it. He also made sure to lock the door once Ginny was out. Sure it was keyed only for Hermione and himself, but there was something satisfying about slamming a deadbolt shut. He figured it was there for that exact purpose. Head Boys and Head Girls had to deal with all sorts of annoying people, after all.

"So…" Hermione began.

Harry sighed, just wanting this to be over. "Are you mad at me at all?"

"No."

"Are you still mad at Ginny?"

"Well...no. It's just so fun experimenting with all these spells! Now we're even." Harry gulped. Ginny's expression had implied something much, much different.

"Ok good. If I or anyone else, but especially me, ever makes you mad...at any time...promise me we'll just talk? Like, normal talking?"

"Oh Harry, are you sure?" Hermione had an evil smile on again. " I could probably adjust the Breast Inflation Charm so it makes you float by your-"

"Hermione." Harry squeaked. He tried not to cover that sensitive region, but instinct betrayed him. "Not funny."

"Fine. Yes, that's probably a good idea anyway." Harry sighed in relief.

"By the way," Hermione added, "We're going to have to wait on the whole marriage consummation thing."

"WHAT?" Harry cried, devastated. "Why?"

"Well, I was looking through some books, and it looks like there are plenty of magical rituals and spells we can perform using the deflowering of a virgin. We might as well make the most of the event, don't you think?"

"I guess, but…" Harry couldn't express in words the devastation that both he and Harry Junior felt.

"Don't worry. I'll find one as quick as I can.." Hermione looked down at her red, sticky, cherry juice-covered body and smiled. "I'm in need of another shower, and I could use a bit of help washing up. How about a deal," she smirked, if you clean all this up you can join me when you're done!"

Ten minutes later, Harry joined Hermione in the shower, taking an especially long moment to stare at her beautiful, dripping wet body.

"You're done cleaning already?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"Um….yup. I had a lot of motivation." In truth, Harry had asked Dobby to clean the room for him. The little elf had been more than happy to oblige.

"I guess now you'll have more time to help clean me off then." Hermione smiled and handed Harry the soap.

Harry proceeded to rub her warm, wet body with the slippery soap. He made sure to spend an extra long time on her thighs, ass, and breasts, causing Hermione to let out many satisfying moans and whimpers of pure ecstasy.

When he was done cleaning Hermione off, she went on the return the favor, spending an especially long time on Harry's cock, which had had a long, hard day.

"You know," Harry managed, a few minutes after Hermione's cleaning had ended with an explosive finish, "I could definitely get used to this."

Hermione giggled, the movement of her chest causing her delicious tis to wiggle hypnotically. "Well, if we do this together every day, we'll theoretically save a ton of time and water."

Harry grinned. "Well, I think showering together should now be routine. It's our duty to the environment to help save water."

"Agreed." Hermione smiled and leaned in close to Harry. The couple shared a long, wet kiss underneath the stream of water. Neither mentioned the fact that they normally spent ten minutes each in the shower, and this combined one had lasted over forty. Oh well. The thought is what counts.

/:Note:/ Well, another chapter is up, a bit earlier than normal. Ha! I bet you all were hoping Harry would get laid, weren't you? I'm quite evil, I know. By the way, if any of you haven't seen it, I highly recommend the YouTube video series Llamas with Hats. It's good fun. Please give me all your comments, questions, and concerns. I love to hear your praise and your anger (though I think I like the praise more). Thanks for reading and all your support. See you soon!