Should I have named this chapter, "The Unexpected Adventures of Kili the Cockblock?"

Summary: Bilbo and the others relax down by the river...

"Oh, do not look at me that way; I always meant to see you all safe over the mountains," From my spot next to Ori, I snuck a glance back over where Gandalf and Thorin argued, their voices raised, "Though we are indeed a good deal further east than I ever meant to come with you..."

"If not to help with the dragon-"

"Thorin Oakenshield, I have some other pressing business that I must attend to. Of course, once I am done, I may look in on your adventure from time to-"

"Master Gandalf, why even have you come along if-"

" Master Oakenshield, I am not going to disappear right this instant."

Ori and I sat there, engaged in our game even though we both snuck glances at the arguing pair. Back and forth they had been at it since the wee hours of the morning when we awoke and Gandalf announced to the company that he would need to separate from us shortly. After such an announcement, the company all went through their own varied reactions to how they absorbed that information...

Most of the group took it as poised and dignified as they could, though each were given to pleading and begging Gandalf to stay in their own various levels of urgency. Though I myself did not beg or plead with the wizard to stay with us, I definitely could not say that I was the most dignified; breaking down into tears from the realization that I alone would face a dragon. However, I could at least say that I was more dignified about it than Kili.

Having built over the course of the entire journey the expectation that Gandalf would storm into Erebor and have this epic battle with Smaug, full of fire and molten rock flying through the air, and great bellows of magma the likes of which only volcanoes could spew; upon hearing of his planned departure, Kili promptly threw up everything he ate the night before.

Afterwards, he just sat there very still where not even Fili's nudging could snap him out of whatever funk he was in. Though Ori and I tried to coax him out of his thoughts, trying to gently talk him out of how cool it would be to watch Gandalf fight a dragon, we eventually had to concede that his imagination really did sound amazing and just let him to it. He would snap out of it when he was ready.

Ori took advantage of Kili not wanting to move and asked me if I wanted to play a game with him using some of his old scraps of knitting yarn. Given that Gandalf and Thorin quietly stole away to the other side of the Carrock to "discuss" in more detail what was going to happen in the future, I decided that I would play along with Ori.

So all in all, it had been a rather eventful morning.

Gandalf and Thorin stood arguing, their once quiet voices rising louder and louder as the minutes rolled on, while Ori and I huddled around Kili, carefully moving his fingers under and over a single strand of yarn that Ori knotted together.

I watched closely as Ori readjusted Kili's unresponsive hands before he ducked one of the older dwarf's thumbs through a loop and tugged it up. "See, and if you grab this thread with this finger..."

"Fire would've been shooting from the mountain..."

"Move his hands like this and– There ya go, see, it's a broom now!"

"Incantations... I probably could have ridden a dragon."

"Now, I'm going to show you how to do a cat's cradle next."

We noticed that too; sometime after having Kili join us as our demonstration tool, we started to hear him mumbling things that were quite strange. For the most part, we ignored it but it was still amusing to listen to what fantasy he concocted in his head. I watched Ori make the very image of a broom before going to reset the string in Kili's hands, his voice a furry tickle on my palms as he spoke confidently.

Ori was already moving Kili's hands to some other position, demonstrating what to do with his thumbs in order to start the next little structure that we would make with the yarn. Even in the background the company could still hear Gandalf and Thorin going back and forth and even Balin at times offering riches or whatever else the wizard would want. While they did that, the rest of us just waited for them. We were exhausted still and knowing that Gandalf wouldn't be joining us for the long haul didn't improve our moods any.

"Surely the thought of silver and jewels is enough to stay?" Balin offered, his voice tickling my cheek pleasantly followed shortly by the steady weight of Gandalf's voice, "As I have said, Master Balin, we shall see."

"So Bilbo," My eyes darted back to Ori's demonstration, "Hook his index finger through this loop."

"I could have been the King of Dragons..."

I reached over to take Kili's unresponsive finger and hook it through the loop that Ori indicated, waiting patiently for the next step, "Then you hook his pinky through this loop and pull." Ori demonstrated this for me, looping Kili's pinky and pulling it until the string was taunt again.

"I would've been so majestic."

"You are majestic, Kili."

I replied with nary a thought at all, not even expecting a response back but just as easily as he was put into such a state, Kili was snapping out of his shock and looking at me, "You think I'm majestic?"

His voice scurried up my backside playfully, flirtatious and eager for more compliments that I normally was quite happy to oblige him with. He didn't pay any attention at all to the game that Ori and I were playing with him being the demonstration tool, his eyes clearly only on me, waiting eagerly for an answer. At the same time as he spoke, Ori showed me how to loop in the next step and I maneuvered Kili's fingers to create the newest portion of the cradle before looking back to Ori for the next instruction, "Of course. You don't need to ride a dragon to be majestic."

Ori smiled up at the younger brother, a flush on his cheeks slowly blooming, "I agree with Miss Bilbo. You look handsome enough."

Just as easy as Kili's day had been torn down to the utter shreds of what could possibly be acceptable for him, he puffed up again in a semblance of confidence and graced us lower born a look that was Princely and very much what he took to be very handsome. As much as I didn't want to encourage such behavior from him, both Ori and I noticed that our gazes lingered on the fine lines of his neck and strong looking jaw, a faint blush on both our cheeks. Kili truly was quite handsome, bearing a striking profile, "Well, I think I'd look even more striking on a dragon, thank you very much."

Which was, of course, ruined by the fact that Kili was also outwardly arrogant about his looks. Easy enough to be roped into Kili's confidence and equally simple enough to be turned off by it, I rolled my eyes playfully at the comment, ready to ask Ori the next step to making the cradle. Before I could do so though, Kili finally noticed what we were doing and he sneered at the very idea that he had been compliant with playing even while out of it. He shrugged off the string, ruining all our efforts and tried to untangle his fingers as soon as possible, "By Durin's beard, what am I doing playing this childish game?"

"Oi! We were in the middle of that!"

Kili's response to that was a quick gesture that meant he heard and what Ori and I were both sure we were supposed to take as a quick and heart felt apology. I shook my head at the notion of him not even apologizing and how I could get back at him later and turned back to Ori to start our game again, this time on my fingers.

After that, despite the fact that Ori and I tried to get back to our little game, we were interrupted once again by Thorin, Balin and Gandalf finally giving up on their little debate. Thorin looked tense and I knew that he hadn't managed to convince the wizard to stay with us, a fact that was confirmed when he barked out that we would be leaving and to pack up whatever our belongings were.

The sun was high overhead when we made our way down from the giant carved steps of the Carrock, Gandalf happily explaining that someone he knew actually made the steps for such a structure and that the Carrock itself was close enough to his house that we would be going there next. I stayed back wanting to talk with the wizard about this mysterious stranger of his and see if I could pry a bit more information from him. I was grateful to stay back anyway since Gandalf's hand was on my shoulder the entire time as we climbed down the massive steps, making sure to keep me steady due to how horrendously steep the steps were.

At the bottom of the Carrock was a little cave, too tiny for us to sleep in and providing very little visibility for our watchmen but it was there that Thorin turned back to the wall and said that we would stay there for a bit and wash up in the nearby ford. I was a bit surprised by this since I figured we would be traveling straight on through to the mysterious stranger's home but none of the other members of the group looked as I did. They were immensely grateful to have the opportunity to wash up and took to the idea brightly.

Some of them still had their backpacks and soaps with which to wash up with and I figured I would just ask to borrow some of Dori's since the idea of being clean again was a thought too amazing to resist. The smell of my clothing was indecent at best and my hair was a nightmare I didn't even want to consider, still braided but barely anything more than a giant knot.

I adjusted my vest, fingering a button hole that was missing its button before I made to wander off after the dwarves and wash up, knowing that I would need to find a more secluded spot to do so in. I didn't pay much mind to who I walked by but a sharp tug on my skirt stopped me. When I looked down to see who was keeping me, I saw Kili grinning up at me, "Not so fast, you."

"Kili, I want to wash." I went to take back my skirt, newly sewn back together by Ori, and nicely devoid of any tears but Kili merely pulled harder until I was forced to step closer.

"We want you to wash too but," His voice was a smooth glide of fingers on my bottom and he grinned at me and motioned back to the ford where everyone else previously went, "Everyone else was too distracted to mention that we would consider it inappropriate."

Though my hands had been trying to pry Kili's fingers off from my skirt so that he wouldn't even have a chance of ripping it, as soon as I heard his words, I stopped. My bathing would be considered inappropriate? I shook the thought from my head just because it sounded so preposterous but when I looked around the campsite, I noticed that besides Kili, only Fili and Thorin remained. Everyone else truly had gone off to the stream to wash.

As soon as my hands stopped trying to tug Kili away from me, he let me go himself and began to unlace his heavier boots and shrug off his various equipment. "So wait, why is it inappropriate?"

Already Fili and Thorin were following Kili's example, most likely desperate to head into the water and wash up but for some reason staying behind with Kili and I. "It would be considered an offense to us." Thorin responded to my inquiry, his voice trailing along my neck as I sat down next to them and looked at the growing pile of vambraces and leather gloves and other various equipment.

I watched them shed their layers one by one and when Fili tugged off his outer coat, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a comb and tossed it over to me, "Here, for the knots."

"I'm not super in the mood to play the twenty questions game with you guys, if you don't mind." I began as I started to undo the braid that Fili put into my hair, wincing every so often at the tangle of a knot, "So why would it be considered offensive?"

The three Durin's looked at me before Fili grinned and motioned that he wanted to help me with my hair; I didn't think anything of refusing him so I stood up and went to his side but as soon as I was close enough, his hand shot out and grabbed me by the arm, tugging me down so that I was tumbling into his lap. Instantly, I was being tickled by his playful fingers, even as I struggled away from him, laughter echoing off the rocky structure of the Carrock.

"Because Miss Hobbit," Fili stopped tickling me long enough to explain, waiting for me to calm down and stare up into those blue eyes that gazed down at me lovingly, voice a teasing pinch. "We dwarves are a greedy, jealous race and if anyone looked upon you naked then we would have to fight them."

"Is that true?"

I looked away from Fili and saw Kili shake his head at the display his brother made while Thorin himself nodded, "Aye, and I'm in no mood for anymore arguments."

"So why would you guys argue?"

Thorin set aside his Orcrist, his eyes darting over Fili's shoulder where the ford was before coming to rest back on me, "We dwarves have rules to combat our fierce jealousy; a woman who has been spoken for can only show her naked self to her lovers. It is an honor that she grants to us."

I blushed at the simplicity of it, of how obvious it seemed to the Durin's and how they just accepted such a thing so casually. As strong as the males of their race appeared to be from what I was able to personally witness, it was interesting to see that even though I was a Hobbit they were deferring down to me for such things. The way Thorin spoke of such things, I got the impression that "deferring down" wasn't even the right term for it. Deferring up, more like. I felt like even though all of the Durin's were physically more powerful than I was, they were bound to let me call the shots in this relationship.

The thought made my heart race and my stomach flutter.

"How is it done in the Shire?"

Kili's voice was a pinch on my rear and I looked over to him even as Fili's hands wrapped around my waist and held me tightly, his facial hair tickling my neck as he nuzzled against the line of flesh, "Well, I wouldn't know personally but my female cousins were courted and married into their husband's families. Though it wasn't the case with my parents, the men tend to call the shots in the day to day life."

Thorin snorted at the very idea of what I spoke, an amused glint in his eye and a slight shake of the head, "My sister would be amused to hear such things."

His voice traveled down my spine in such a way that I shuddered from the feel of it, a ripple of sensation going through my body until I felt Fili's hand tighten around my waist and pull me closer. "Why is that?" I had to admit that I was always eager to hear more stories of Thorin's sister just because through lack of time and other factors, the brothers just weren't able to share as many stories of her as they normally would be able to. The stories they did share were always their own adventures or included Thorin but in the little ways, the three of them were imprinted on by Thorin's sister. The way they acted when I was upset in Rivendell was just one little example of a fierce woman in their lives.

"Our Mother definitely would be amazed by stories of Hobbits." Kili chuckled while Thorin rolled his eyes, "She would shout at them for not wrangling the men more." His blue eyes darted over to me and he smiled, "Dis demanded her husband marry her. It's why my sister-sons still bear our original last name. Their Father wed into our home."

I was amazed by such a simple statement of Dis, the Mother of the two brothers and Thorin's sister, who just seemed the very epitome of female strength and ferocity. Even my own Mum who had done the same thing and demanded that my Dad marry her still ended up married into his family line as a Baggins.

I wanted to ask more about the seeming equality of men and women in the dwarf culture and even of the mentioned last name that Thorin brought up (that I had no idea they even had) but just as I was about to ask, a noise stole my attention away from the conversation at hand. Kili and Thorin looked back themselves at the approaching rumble and with my curiosity piqued, I looked back too.

Oh, how I wished that my eyes would forget the very image that I was shocked into staring at.

I flinched back at the sight of the naked return of the dwarves, shutting my eyes and hoping that I wouldn't see the sight of so many naked dwarves again in my entire lifetime. It was amusing to think that they had reservations about their women being exposed while bathing but that they thought nothing of exposing themselves to me!

"Come on! It's our turn!"

I kept my eyes closed the entire time, listening to the rush of the company's voices as they pressed against me in the darkness, but entirely unwilling to just see more of their hairy anything . Naturally since I refused to open my eyes while surrounded by naked dwarves, I allowed Fili to lead me by the hand away from our spot and down the path to the river. When I was sure that we were far away enough, I opened my eyes again and beamed at the sight of how clear and fresh the water looked.

It would feel amazing just to bathe again, regardless of whether or not the water would be heated.

I undressed eagerly, layers coming undone quickly and being laid aside until I was down to only my chemise shift and bloomers. I was the only one who seemed to care about decency, the brothers both already butt naked and splashing around in the water, dunking each other and rough housing and soaking their hair. From beside me, Thorin was more reserved about his eagerness to dip into the water, slowly removing the various beads and clasps from his hair and peeling the layers left from his body.

When Thorin pulled his mail off, he winced from the soreness that he undoubtedly still felt and though he did his best to look like he was fine when he noticed my staring, I came over and helped him with his tunic that was stained with blood. He allowed this and when I pulled the dark navy fabric from his body, my eyes widened at the sight of his injuries that were until that very moment still hidden. My fingers unconsciously traced the wounds, his chest and side littered with purple and black bruises, deep gashes, and cuts that looked painful.

I figured that the water would do him good, probably being cold and able to numb his injuries even a little. Already Thorin was kneeling down to wash his clothes with a bar of soap that he most likely procured from another dwarf but before he could start, I snatched the soap away and indicated that I wanted to do it, "I'll wash it for you. Just relax in the river."

His eyes stared at me before he leaned over and kissed my cheek gently, "Wash your shift first since it'll dry quicker than anything else. I want you to have dry clothes to change into."

I nodded at the suggestion and watched as he climbed into the shallow bank of the river, not exactly as willing to rough house as his two nephews who weren't as injured as he was. Set with my task though, I untied my bloomers and pulled off my shift, kneeling down by the water's edge all the while trying to keep the red off my cheeks. This was the first time I had ever been naked while outdoors and it was strange and vaguely liberating in a way.

I was happy to clean my clothes, washing the grime and sweat from my shift and bloomers and just continuing on until most of Thorin's clothes were washed and needing to be laid out on a nearby rock where the sun would dry it. When finished with lying out the clothes, I looked up and saw that Fili and Kili were passing a bar of soap between them and washing their hair clean while in a deeper section of the river. Thorin himself was leaning against a rock, eyes closed and dozing lightly from the looks of it.

Figuring just to do the brothers a favor by helping out, I grabbed the brothers' garments and washed the inner most layers, taking extra care to try and get the blood and various stains from their tunics even though I knew I wouldn't be able to just as I hadn't with Thorin's. The sun was warm against my back and by the time I got to the rest of my own clothes, I didn't much feel like cleaning anymore. At that point, I was just happy that I managed to wash the layers most desperate for attention.

After I managed to find a free spot of rock for the brothers' clothes, I padded over to the edge of the water and toed the chilling water nervously. I was not afraid of water by any means but as I didn't know how to swim, I knew that I wouldn't be able to go into the deeper areas that the brothers did. The water was chilling and bordered closely on freezing but it would be refreshing. I would need to resign myself to the inevitable few minutes of chattering teeth if I wanted to thoroughly clean myself the way any Hobbit would want to.

I was grateful for the sun overhead and the sweat that I worked up washing clothes but even when I padded into the deeper water, I still felt my face frown at the idea of dunking my head under such cold water. I ended up just sitting in the waist deep section while I used the bar of soap to wash my hair, delighting in the fact that it smelled of flowers. I giggled at the idea that one of the dwarves had stolen it from Rivendell, just happy as a clam to scrub the dirt from my curly locks.

The only unfortunate circumstance that came from being only in waist deep water came when I realized that I had no means to really rinse my hair out. I didn't exactly want to toe any closer to the deeper section of the river but I needed to rinse my hair out so I nervously edged closer and closer to the deeper waters, all the while maintaining a firm view of the brothers just in case I needed to shout out for either of them.

The cold of the water stole my breath away when I made for a quick dunk of my hair, exhaling harshly and coughing when it seemed to steal my breath away. I wanted to get out immediately, forgoing any chance to get used to the temperature. I was already at the edge, my hair a mess of wet curls that hung messily over my shoulders when I noticed that Thorin was awake again and checking up on his nephews before locating me.

Upon sighting me, he motioned me over and it was only because I remembered that I had his soap that I went back into the water and joined him. "Too cold for you?"

He asked with a slight chuckle, his voice edging along my neck as he took back the soap, "I just rinsed my hair... I can't get used to the cold water like this." I shivered from my spot next to him and watched as he started to lightly lather up, gently washing his injuries with care. "You didn't wash yourself yet?"

I shook my head, about to reply back that I would after he was finished since I had already hogged the soap, but just as I was doing so, Thorin tugged on my arm.

"Come sit here then and I'll wash you."

I watched as he patted his lap that was hidden underneath the flow of water and blushed at the thought of being so close to Thorin while out in the open. Nudity was definitely one thing but being naked and outside on top of Thorin was another. Though, technically, propriety demanded that I remember the first time the brothers laid with me and how it had been in a forest not more than twenty paces from the rest of the company. I looked around just to make sure that there were no other dwarves around except for Fili and Kili and hesitantly climbed up onto Thorin's lap...

From the look that Thorin gave me, I blushed even harder knowing that he expected me to face away from him but with my thoughts racing and thinking of our nudity, I just naturally went to climb onto his lap the way I would if we were going to be intimate. At the sight of my flushed cheeks, Thorin just smiled at the sight and started to lather up the soap as if nothing were the matter.

His hands felt so amazing as it worked the soap against my skin, kneading my flesh and making me groan when he moved onto my back. The strength his fingers held as he rubbed circles along my skin was divine and I ended up leaning against his hairy chest, enjoying the way my position lent me to his ministrations and the way the sun warmed my skin while being mostly out of the water.

The sound of the water flowed around me, my eyes closed and almost wishing I could nap from my place against Thorin's chest. His fingers were lazy after the initial massage, cupping water up to wash the soap off me before just lightly trailing along my skin, every so often returning to his task of scrubbing soap along hidden curves. Once finished, he looked content from his spot below me, his upper body leaning against a rock and just basking in the sun.

It really was a lovely day.

It was then that I noticed that Thorin's beard was still dirty and crusted with bits of blood and dirt; I leaned up from his chest so that I could cup some water into my palms and wet the coarse hair. His blue eyes stared at me as I soaked the dark hair and took the soap back from him for a moment, working up a lather so that I could gently massage the line of his jaw hidden underneath his beard. Just as I'd done when he massaged my back, his eyes closed and he leaned back against the rock.

Thorin leaned his head back, exposing the line of his neck as I washed his face and only when I began to rinse away the soap did he finally speak, "You know this is something a wife would do."

His voice subtly traced along my collarbone, possessive but nervous even as he spoke it, "Is that so?"

"Yes, our women have beards so it's a practice they reciprocate," His eyes stared into mine even as he nudged me closer, "Very intimate and sacred, allowing someone so close to one's beard."

How long had it been since Thorin and I last kissed? It must have been since Rivendell because when our lips met, my heart raced and butterflies fluttered in my belly. The groan in my ears, a trail of fingers along my thigh followed by his real fingers. I smiled at the notion that Thorin still remembered just how his voice affected me and deepened the kiss, tangling my fingers into his hair and pulling gently so that he exposed more of his neck.

Freshly washed, his neck tasted delicious and I kissed a line down that hard column of skin, pausing to suck on his adam's apple. He groaned low in his throat, his roughened hands squeezing at the flesh of my thighs. Already I felt him start to harden beneath me and I was about to travel lower when I felt Thorin tense and a pair of lips kiss along my back.

A weight settled behind me and when I turned to look, I saw Kili there, soaked with his hair hanging in his face like an innocent puppy though his eyes were anything but, "Well, what do we have here?"

"What do we have here?"

Thorin mimicked the words back, a grin on his face, both of us watching as Kili resumed his attention on my back, kissing a line up and nibbling on my shoulder. I squirmed at the feel of his lips, delighting in Thorin's eyes watching me intensely even as I squirmed in his lap and moaned from Kili's skilled fingers that reached around to cup my breasts.

"I won." Kili began, his voice kneading my backside, his body itself moving close enough so that Thorin was forced to adjust and make room for him. "Won what?"

With my eyes closed, I felt Kili behind me kissing along my shoulders but not to be ignored or stolen away, Thorin leaned forward and kissed along my clavicle, teething the line of my bone. It was torturous how they were teasing me.

"Fili saw what you two were doing but Bilbo's clothes also needed washing." Kisses and fingers splayed along my body, "We played a game and I won." I groaned when his fingers reached down and stroked along the inside of my thigh, intent on teasing, "He's grumbling and acting the perfect husband while I get to be here."

Once Kili said it, I looked over to where most of my clothes sat unwashed and true to his story, there was Fili, a frown on his face even as he diligently scrubbed the dirt and stains from my jacket. If Kili was hoping for the mood to become more desperate and intense, he was mistaken because in that moment I wanted to go over to Fili and thank him for washing my clothing for me and even for noticing that I had washed all of their's before my own.

Thorin must have interpreted the look on my face perfectly because he was sighing and gently easing me away, "Kili, go help your brother. You can't just reap the benefits of such a relationship."

I couldn't help but giggle at the look Kili gave to his Uncle, near sputtering and grasping with his fingers towards me even as I moved away to go back to the river bank. I noticed that Kili wasn't following me over to his brother and when I looked back to see what the two were up to, Thorin was pushing Kili down and grumbling something. "Honestly, your Mother would kill me if she saw how you washed."

"Thorin didn't approve of the game?"

Fili's voice was a cute pinch on my bottom and I leaned over and kissed him before lying down on the soft sand of the river bank near him. "Wasn't that. Said that he shouldn't just reap the benefits."

Fili snorted at that, "That's what he's always done." Fili finished up cleaning my clothing and set them out on a nearby rock to dry.

Off in the stream still, Kili gave up on trying to cooperate with Thorin, deciding that being treated like a child wasn't really was on the agenda anymore and tugged Thorin down until the older dwarf was forced to wrestle with him if he didn't want to get dunked. How wrestling in a river kept him from being dunked, I wasn't exactly sure because both of them went under the water and came back up, wet hair hanging heavily along their chests and faces, both of them refusing to give in to the other.

"Honestly, dwarves and water... it's like you can't avoid wrestling whenever you get into it."

It felt true considering that every time I ever saw the brothers or Thorin now in the water, they refused to let a bathing opportunity go by without engaging in some sort of manly sport that involved nearly drowning each other.

I couldn't help but sigh contentedly with the sounds of the two dwarves wrestling in the background, the gentle sway of the river in my ears, and Fili coming up to lay next to me. The sun still felt hot along my skin and I closed my eyes, burying my face into the crook of my elbow, turning so that Fili could run his fingers along my back, pausing every so often to lay a few kisses where his fingers touched.

"Thanks for washing my clothes."

I breathed out, soft and inviting and when Fili leaned over to kiss me, I reached up to pull him closer, "Thank you for washing ours."

"See! I knew you were helping him out!"

Both Fili and I looked over and saw the sight of Thorin and Kili coming up from the river, soaked and panting from their efforts while they were supposed to have been washing up. I giggled at the insinuation that Thorin was helping out his eldest nephew but didn't bother to try and enter into any debate with the dwarves. I just wanted to relax and enjoy the sun, wishing to dry off as best I could.

It seemed that the others decided to follow my example, quieting down and laying beside me so that we all could relax under the rays of the hot sun.

Together we all laid there, quietly breathing and a random snore that indicated that one of us was sleeping but not Thorin since I could feel his hand running along my side. I didn't bother to open my eyes to check either since it really didn't matter who was touching me or sleeping just that they knew that I enjoyed being around them. Below me the heated sand soothed my skin even as it stuck to me and from above, the soft breeze rustled along my hair pleasantly.

I smiled to myself because it truly was a great day and if this was what all adventures would be like, I would definitely think about becoming a full time adventurer.

A rustle of movement distracted me from my thoughts, and though I knew it was Thorin from the direction of it alone, I also felt Fili lift his head from where it had been resting near my ear. I was just about to open my eyes and see what the two were doing when I felt a heavy weight settle behind me; I opened my eyes and felt an eyebrow lift in surprise at the sight of Thorin straddling my thighs. I couldn't see anything else considering the angle was not exactly ideal but I could feel the weight of his hardness heavy against the cleft of my buttocks, hips rocking against me as he leaned down and planted a kiss between my shoulder blades.

I grinned at him, relaxing into his touch, "This doesn't help the exhibitionist debate."

I couldn't deny the urge to tease him, groaning when he bit at my shoulder exactly where Kili had done so earlier. I squirmed underneath his touch as his fingers went low, tracing along a thigh before dipping inside and noticing just how wet I was from what little he did. My groan attracted Fili's attention and he was turning my head so that he could kiss me even as I moaned against his lips from the thick fingers of Thorin teasing at my entrance, fingers penetrating me when I arched back into his touch and needed more.

I felt him adjust behind me, his cock head ready to slide in and claim me in this most intimate way that we hadn't done before; from beside me, Fili's lips nipped and sucked and I reached up and dragged him down so that I could control the kiss.

I groaned at the sensation of the initial ache of a cock head stretching me around it, slow so that Thorin could feel me engulf every inch of him -

"Oi, laddie, you covered and decent?!"

"Fuck!"

My eyes opened in alarm and Thorin tore away from me so quickly that I was left shocked and breathless by the fact that we were all interrupted. At the same time, Fili rolled a polite distance away from me while I saw Kili grab Thorin's jacket and toss it over my naked body. Next to me on the other side, Thorin had rolled to sit up, facing away from Dwalin, his face in his hand and his other fist clenching.

"What do you need, Dwalin?"

Thorin's voice was definitely irritated, prickling up my arms as he half turned towards Dwalin, trying to maintain his composure even though from my angle he was sporting a hard on and frustration the likes that even Dwalin wouldn't be able to ignore.

"We're still naked back at camp. The clothes are here."

Dwalin motioned around at the nearby rocks still littered with the clothes of the entire company and I snickered down into the sand at the logic and couldn't help but giggle when I saw that Dwalin looked entirely too pleased with himself.

"Give us ten minutes."

Thorin grunted out, his voice still prickling along my arms. I watched Dwalin turn and head off back to camp. My attention was taken by the sound of the brothers laughing next to me, groping and pinches along my bottom that made me blush and hide my face.

"Oh Mahal, Uncle!"

"You should see your face!"

Fili and Kili clutched at their sides, completely uncaring at the sight that Thorin made, flushed down to his shoulders and looking embarrassed enough for any tween. Oh, I knew that the look he had right then was what prompted the laughter from his nephews but Thorin certainly made it easy looking like a tween that was caught with his hand up a young lass's skirts.

"I didn't think Mister Dwalin could make us all feel younger than we already are." Kili wheezed out, still curled around himself and laughing at his brother and Uncle being caught in such a situation. For once he wasn't the butt of any joke and he could actually laugh that he was the most decent of the four of us, a feat not easily done given that Kili was the most immature of us.

Speaking of immaturity... The very idea of Dwalin catching us and making us all feel young and prone to hormonal tendencies did bring up the question of our supposed youth. I looked at the two brothers, already known to be the youngest of the company but I also looked at Thorin, who I knew was one of the oldest. The way the three acted were like night and day at times but I wondered where their ages were in comparison to mine. It was a question I had never thought to ask before just because I knew that we were all of age.

"How old are you three anyway?"

Immediately Kili sat up straight, all pretense and airs and puffed chests. "Not too young! We're totally of age!"

Thorin snorted from my other side, a quick rush of sensation along my wrist, before I heard him groan and lay down next to me. He looked to be breathing deeply, needing to calm himself physically and resign himself mentally to the fact that given the interruption and the impending visitors by the river bank, he wouldn't be getting any sort of release from his pent up frustrations. Despite not being able to do anything more, he looked amused by Kili's answer.

"So what's too young for dwarves?"

I looked at the Durin's as they looked thoughtful for a moment, "Depends on race, really."

"Well, let's start with my first question then; how old are you?"

Kili answered first, proud about being able to share his age, "I'm 77, but once I grow my beard in, I won't look like such a child anymore." He rubbed at his cheeks full of stubble and seemed intent on seeing if he could start a fire just from the friction. I looked to Fili, who seemed like the logical next person to answer since the brothers did much of everything in succession.

"Hm?" His eyes found mine, distracted for a moment because of how he had started to comb his hair, "I'm 82."

I was amazed that they were the youngest of the group, treated like children at times by their peers and yet both were so much older than me already. I almost worried at Thorin's answer because if they were the youngest and so much older than I, how much older would Thorin be...?

"...Thorin?"

I looked back at him nervously and his eyes assessed the trepidation on my face before he rolled over and shrugged off the question, "It hardly matters." His voice was nervous along my spine.

"Oh, Uncle, don't be like that. She wants to know." Fili grinned at me, turning around to face me and starting to comb through my curls as naturally as it had always been his job. It was interesting how quickly I was included in such a familial routine and I allowed Fili to brush through my hair while I waited for Thorin to answer.

He remained silent for a moment longer until he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "195, if you must know."

I nearly choked on my own spit at the answer, desperately needing to clear my throat. The two brothers didn't think anything of the answer and I looked back and forth between the two generations before I caught Thorin looking at me. His eyes were hard but the forced expression on his face betrayed just how embarrassed he was by my reaction, "No, no! It's not your age, just... How old-" I didn't know how to word it. How to word that I wanted to know how young they would consider a lover. If they were so much older, what would they think of me being so young comparatively? Yes, I was of age in terms of being a Hobbit but surely the dwarves had their own thoughts of what they found inappropriate?

"I mean, what's the youngest you've lain with in the past?"

Once my hair was finished being combed through, Kili grabbed the object and raked it haphazardly through his dark colored knots that was supposed to count for his hair, "As I said before, depends on race, really. Dwarf lass? 65 for me; anything younger than that and it's a little awkward." I sat there, staring at him awkwardly, hoping that my eyes didn't betray how uncomfortable the answer made me. I felt like a baby when compared to the length of dwarf years, "Human? 44. I know Fili will lie with the young lasses!" His voice pinched at my bottom as he turned to eye his older brother, a quick slap on his shoulder, "You remember that one boy, the blonde? Was barely sixteen when you laid with him?"

Thorin shook his head, a gesture that looked all too familiar like he had already heard the story and was still embarrassed and horrified by it. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose and rolled his eyes, probably wondering why he got stuck with such careless nephews.

Fili grabbed back the comb and shoved his brother down into the sand, "He looked older and he lied about her age, remember? Besides, I don't do that anymore! Anything younger than you, Kili and I won't touch it." He leaned over away from Kili and offered the comb to me, where I then I turn offered it to Thorin. "Plus, the youngest human we've been with together wasn't 44, she was 41."

"41? Really? Were we really drunk that night?"

"Oh, definitely," The brothers' voices were eager and happy, pinching and prodding at my bottom the entire time they quipped back and forth, delighting in just light banter that allowed them to relive their more reckless days, which probably wasn't even that far off. Fili abandoned the idea of rough housing with his brother in turn for kneeling up and leaning my head up to start the braid he originally put into my hair, "And before you inquire, don't even bother asking Thorin about it either. He'll only lie with elderly women. 50 and up and even that's cutting it close for him!"

I froze at the lighthearted comment, my body going rigid at the thought that Thorin would be pushing it in terms of what he found acceptable for someone at the age of 50. My birthday was in a few months so I would be 51 soon enough but if Thorin felt like he was already stretching it...

Just as Fili was finishing up the braid in my hair, I realized something. It should have been obvious but being so distracted by the learned ages and what the dwarves found acceptable as bed partners, I just noticed it. "Wait, wait... So, if you two are the younger than Ori, who's 135... I'm the youngest in the company?"

"Are you?" Kili's voice pinched so hard in such unrestrained joy that I actually flinched from it. When I looked up at him, his eyes glittered with the prospect of not actually being the youngest in the company.

At the same time, Thorin was turning me so that I faced the brothers, his fingers going for his inner coat pocket and pulling out one of his bigger golden beads that he placed in the back of his mane of hair. I sat there, allowing Thorin to set my head straight ahead to look at the brothers, his fingers already dividing my free hanging hair into sections and braiding them into an easy plait.

"So, how much younger are you?"

His voice trailed down my spine sensually but when I made to look up at him, he kept my head straight so I wouldn't ruin my braid. "Not too much," I mumbled, not really wanting to answer him, "Only by about 145 years..."

Thorin's fingers stilled in my hair, just as he finished putting the golden bead at the bottom of my braid. Fili's eyes went wide at the realization but Kili was too busy counting on his fingers, his face a look of confusion. "Wait, that wouldn't be right. You'd be older than me."

Fili rolled his eyes and smacked his brother, "This is why you should have paid attention when Balin was teaching us sums! She's 50, you dullard."

"Oi! Don't call me a dullard!" Kili made to shove at his brother but before he did so, he stopped and looked at me closely, "Oh, so you're 50...?" It wasn't a big deal to the brothers since they had bedded younger but for Thorin, who considered anything 50 and less to be something like teenagers, it would no doubt be amusing for the younger brother...

Ah, yep, there it was. The dawning expression of understanding and the dropping of a jaw, covered by a hand that didn't want to exactly highlight how awkward this must have been for his Uncle.

Both of the brothers caught the sight of something and without any warning, they both burst out into laughter. I was so confused by it that I looked at them before I whipped around to catch the most entertaining sight of Thorin, his face nearly hidden behind a curtain of hair. He looked pained and completely at a loss, "My sister is going to have a field day with this."

I wanted to know what he meant by it but something was lying against my shoulder and I flicked it back without thinking; I was confused by what I moved away from my shoulder though and finally stopped for a moment to take in what we just talked about and what had been happening while we were talking.

I stared at the braid in my hair, a new one that completely kept the hair from my face and neck to combat the summer heat. Thorin had braided my hair. My mind went back to Fili and how Thorin and he argued when the brother braided my hair. I thought about what Fili told me about braids and what they meant.

Thorin had braided my hair.

Oh.

Oh!

I grinned at the notion of Thorin being teased by his sister because he claimed a woman who was considered nearly a child in their own culture.

I reached over and couldn't help but want to comfort him and reassure him that it was alright but the brothers were still laughing so hard at their Uncle. Just to show them a what for, I pushed them both back into the sand and laughed as they sputtered and laughed.

The only thing that made the moment more amusing was the reappearance of the company, a flurry of having to put Thorin's jacket back over me, and the sight of just way too many hairy limbs and penises.