Author's Note: Hey everyone, I hope you enjoy this fanfic, please let me know what you think, thanks! And no, of course I don't own Inuyasha. Enjoy!

Side note: "Normal parenthesis" means that someone is talking; parentheses italicized means that it's a message/email and parentheses italicized and underlined is Kagome's thoughts during that moment or her reflecting back on that scene. As always, enjoy!

Part 14: Mood Swings

"*Lays my head on your lap*" He had gotten used to doing this.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"...I consider this my safe zone."

At the time, I had shrugged off what that meant. Why he would need a safe zone. Safe zone for what? And from whom? I didn't want to spoil the time we had with questions.

"Is that so?"

"mhm. Babe?" He had also given me this nickname, which I had originally rejected because I didn't know how many others he had called "babe". Back when I was Priestess, I had wondered: How was I any different from them if it's the same nickname? But now, I could accept it because our relationship had stabilized more.

"Yeah oppa?" I had given him this name in exchange, due to my strong love for Korean dramas where girls call their boyfriends "oppa".

"Stay with me for now? Just stay right here?"

"Sure." Feeling that he had something on his mind that he didn't want to talk about, I changed the subject. "If you could have any pet in the world, which would you pick?"

"A wolf. You?"

"A pegasus…" While knowing that it was impossible, I still wanted to have one.

"haha that's an interesting choice."

"mhm. Do you have any pets?"

"Yeah, dogs and cats."

If only those happy times could have continued forever... How happy I would be. How much different everything would have been?

Although he was busy, he would always try to take me with him, no matter where he was. If he was at work, he would talk to me during his breaks. One time, he was skating and he answered my text.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"What are you up to?"

"Skating, but it's not my turn now."

"Oh. I see." So that's where he was.. It had been awhile since his last text.

"I wish you were here with me."

"eh? Why? I don't know how to skate."

"You could meet my friends and stay by my side to watch me. And I would secretly teach you on the side."

"lol sounds like it would be fun!"

One time I even told him about how close knitted Asian families were and how approval of the couple was important.

"I just don't know if my family.. All of them.. will support our relationship."

"hmm.."

"What are you thinking of?"

"How to become an Asian man."

His response showed how much he cared about us. How much he cared about me.

After some time of getting to know me, the girl behind Priestess, I asked him what he liked about me. In many short sentences, he replied:

"Compared to Priestess.. I like how you're direct and ruthless."

"You're more experimental."

"You're more loving and beautiful in how loyal you are to your family."

"You're honest to a fault."

"And you're honorable but worrisome."

But as time passed, I gradually noticed that while he was happy around me, he also had some very depressed mood swings. In other words, he had depression. He had a rage within him that once in awhile, shot off like a firecracker, injuring any and all who stood too close. I wasn't an exception.

One day, he told me the reason for his depression. He had been through a lot of things growing up and even to this day was still suffering for his past. It seemed to me that he lived in the bad side of town, wherever that was. I had listened to him open up about his past, about him believing that he was the cause of a friend's death. About how his friends had abandoned him in the past because they believed that too. About how even now, it was hard for them to accept him. I was shocked. Such a nice man had such a past? Such a gentle man had suffered such sorrows? I offered as much comfort as I could, while being not entirely sure of what to say to make him feel better.

On the other hand, he was calm. As if he had wished to tell me this story and had just been planning out how to best go about it. He trusted me and I was fully grateful of how much personal information he trusted me with. Yet, he knew that I couldn't do anything to change it. Yet, he knew that it was a past he would be haunted with forever, constantly in pain, constantly feeling like everyone was out to get him.

Having suffered from depression in the past, I could understand how he must have been feeling. However, his depression was one that was caused by guilt, whereas my depression was caused by hatred.

His mood swings would vary randomly, where he could be the most romantic man on earth one moment to being depressed, angry, cold or even unhinged the next. One day when I texted him: "Hey."

"Hey."

"Wyd?"

"Chilling here, what about you?"

"Listening to a holy voice."

Confused what he had meant, I asked him what the voice was saying.

"She told me not to tell you; it's a secret between me and Rin."

Rin? Who is Rin? I wanted to ask, but I had a feeling that he would also not tell me. So I just replied, "Is that so?"

"Yes. cmere."

"*Walks over to you*"

"*Puts my ear to your stomach*"

"What are you doing?" At this point, my confusion was just escalating. I figured he was going through another mood swing and was ready to support him.

"Listening to Rin."

"Oh? And she says?"

"It's a secret between us."

Out of the many conversations we've had, this was the one I'd remember the most, due to how ambiguous it always seemed.

A few days later, he would stop responding. There were no new texts from him for 4 days, in which every of those 4 days would be only my texts, consisting of "Hey's" and "Are you alright? Are you busy?"

Finally on the 4th day, he replied. Hearing my phone finally buzz, I went to pick it up from my bed. The text read:

"Can't you be patient?!"

Surprised, I went silent. I had waited for him.. Did I wait for this? Is he ok though? Shaking off my frustration, I quickly replied back.

"Are you alright? What happened? You haven't replied for 4 days.. I was worried."

"Things are going on over here. There was a fight, and people got injured. I'm in the hospital for one of my friends who was involved in the fight."

"I'm sorry… I.. I didn't know." I felt like I was repeating something stupid. Of course I didn't know, how was I supposed to? Stupid. Stupid. I was so stupid.. Sending all those texts when he was already in such a worried state.. He probably didn't even think about anything else but his friend until now. I was so stupid. I felt myself sliding down, and when I looked up, I was already sitting on my bedroom floor.

"No you didn't. So can you be patient?"

"Yes. I'll wait."

And after that, there would be a long, long pause until he finally answered.

"I'm back."

"How is it? How are you? How is he?" I knew I was bombarding him with questions, but I didn't care because I needed to know.

"Everything is fine. I'm good. He'll be ok. He has to rest for a few days, but he'll be alright."

Things like this seemed to be happening all the time. He just seemed to want to stop every fight that broke out, hear every shot that rang into the dark night, and protect each one of his friends that got involved. I gradually worried more and more for his safety. However, he said that I wouldn't understand because it seemed to him that I grew up in a more safer neighborhood. That probably was true..

Other times, he would feel depressed and wouldn't really want to talk. Those texts usually had him saying less, but wanting me to stay with him to look at the stars. For that very reason, he left his home one day to drive to a local park and sit in his car, eventually spending the night that way.

"Stay with me for awhile?"

"Of course."

"*Lays my head on your lap*"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Although he never really liked admitting to it, I would usually know when something was wrong, when something was up.

"Ok." I didn't want to question him about it if he didn't want to talk about it.

"The stars are shining so brightly tonight. Can you see them?"

Walking to my window, I pulled back the curtains to stare up at the night sky.

"They're very beautiful tonight." I replied.

"I love you."

"I know." Although I knew, I still felt bad that I couldn't do anything for him. I couldn't cure him of his depression. I didn't know what to say to make him feel better, or even if there were words that could make him feel better. Why was I receiving all his love when I couldn't do anything? I felt helpless. I could only stay by his side and try to cheer him up for the time being. And eventually that night, he would fall asleep replying back to me; like I had fallen asleep waiting for his reply.

It was during these endless waiting periods, endless mood swings that would cause me to break up with him a second time. Unable to handle the feeling of being so helpless, I broke up with him. Rather than let two people suffer together, I wanted to be the one to make that sacrifice so he could be free of the relationship to focus on stabilizing his physical and mental states, especially as he began having suicidal thoughts and actions. Each time those thoughts and actions happened, he would leave for long periods of time and apologize for doing so. But exactly what was he apologizing for? Not responding to texts, disregarding his life, or disregarding all those who cared about him in the process?

When I broke up with him, he said that I was running from my problems. But what was wrong with running away? I had began to become silent anyway, repeatedly saying "..." when I couldn't think of anything to say in heated arguments with him. All we seemed to be doing when we weren't happy, was arguing.

Every argument was hostile; with him always apologizing for letting out his frustrations on me in the end. While what had caused the argument was usually his depression, or something that had happened that day, I knew that he cared for me. Deep down however, he had a bad habit of storing in his emotions, until, like a firework, it exploded. I had to wonder: Does he truly care about what I think? I have feelings too! I'm not a robot.. I can't just take this in forever..

And when I reached my boiling point, I said it again, "Lets break up." After this break up, I would count the days, the weeks it took for him to text me back. He never did.

2 weeks.. He had forgotten about me. Most definitely, he didn't care anymore. He doesn't care. He's not even thinking about you. And yet.. Laying on my back in bed, I reached up with my right hand to touch the liquid that was falling to my temples. Tears? When was the last time I had cried..? Wiping them away, I repeated to myself: Stop! Stop! You're the one that broke up with him. You are. You did! Why are you still thinking about it? Sniffling, I continued wiping as more came cascading down. 2 weeks.. What was he doing? Why was he not texting me? Were we… really over? Was I testing you to test me? Was forgetting about you going to let me forget and let go?

I was trying to forget him, forget about us. But my heart wasn't listening to my head. It was sailing its own ship, determined to seek him out. So a few days later, I sent him a text.

"Hey."

"Sup?"

Was that what I had waited for? I held back my anger as I typed my reply.

"...I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm used to it. You run away from your problems. It's fine."

"No, I just couldn't deal with it. The pressure of everything was too much."

"Because you like to be free. And now I'm tying you down."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"...Don't be so foolish to compare me to a saint. I told you that I'm different from Priestess because I make human mistakes.. but, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rashly left like that."

"...It's ok. I'm not mad."

"Then? Why are you acting this way?"

"Depression."

In my heart, I knew that I shouldn't have left. I should've tried to work it out like other couples. However, I was rash and made a rash choice. It took some time, but his icy exterior finally melted, letting me back in. Reflecting back, I guess I realized that compared to the pain of my heart, he was suffering more from pain of the body due to depression. The question was; which one would hurt more?

Author's Note: Hey everyone, thank you very much for reading! As always, please leave your reviews on what you think about what you've read so far! Would you want to see more? Please favorite or feel free to hit the "follow" button for me, so you'll be notified first of any new chapters/stories! Thank you guys again!