Chapter 4

The moment he steps out through the gates, Itachi sees me standing there, under a red umbrella. His eyes linger on me for only a moment before fleeting back to the guard, who removes his shackles. They exchange a few words and two ANBU step forward. Itachi rubs his wrists and turns around. I see the effect of this month over his body and I resent it. He's lost more than a few pounds. What I resent more are the ANBU trailing after him as he steps gingerly towards me.

"Hi," I say, forcing myself to smile. I am overjoyed to see him, but I didn't think it would be quite like this. To want to hold him and hold back. To want to say more and stop myself, for fear of what might slip.

"Thank you for coming," he says. There is a glint in his dark eyes as he looks at me. I take it I'm not the only one holding back.

"Well then, shall we get moving? It's damn cold and damp," one of the ANBU, a woman, says. Behind her is a large dog with a patch over one of his eyes. She's an Inuzuka, no doubt.

She takes the lead and the rest of us follow her without a word of complaint. The second ANBU forms the rear, as quiet as his partner is loud. As we move through the village to our destination, people look and point at Itachi. I shoot back unforgiving looks at them, but Itachi pretends not to notice anything going on around us.

It seems like a long time until we stop. We have reached a small apartment building over the street from the Hokage's office building. The Inuzuka ANBU leads us inside and up the stairs to the last floor.

"This is it, Uchiha. Home sweet home," she says, pushing open the door.

One by one, we step inside, dripping water in the hallway. It's a small, two bedroom apartment. I look around for the cameras and see none, but it's enough for me to know they're there. I frown at the walls as I stand beside Itachi, who is waiting for the quiet ANBU to remove his shoes and join us. I don't feel the presence behind me until she speaks and her voice rings familiar again. She's the last person I expected to see here.

"I trust you've been informed about the conditions of your release, Uchiha," a third ANBU says as she steps out of the shadows in the living room.

Itachi's face remains impassive as he faces his former ANBU teammate, Akane. "Yes," he says, his tone both cold and deferential.

"I'm the one in charge of the supervising team. Play by the rules and I'll leave you be. Give me a hard time and I'll fly you right back where you came from. Is that clear?"

Her words and tone come as a surprise to me, until I realize this must be an act. I have no other explanation. Still, I don't understand why she's in charge. Tsunade-shishou must know she is Itachi's friend. Unless she's not here to supervise him, but to keep him safe. The thought hits me like a bucket of cold water.

Itachi nods.

"Whenever you leave the premises, you'll be followed," she continues, throwing him a set of keys. "You'll have little privacy, regardless of whether you stay inside or go out, but work with us instead of against us and maybe you'll be rid of us someday. Also, you'll be given a weekly allowance to cover your expenses. Dinner's on Hokage-sama tonight," the Nara ANBU says, in a lighter tone.

"Thank you for your patience," Itachi says, bowing formally to the three ANBU.

"Don't blow it, Uchiha," the Inuzuka woman says over her shoulder as the three of them file out of the apartment.

It feels like forever until the door shuts behind them and I continue to stand in the middle of the hallway, not knowing what to do next. I can't even talk to Itachi, knowing someone will be listening to everything. This is not how I pictured this.

"Sakura."

I turn around and find myself staring into the Sharingan. I feel Itachi's chakra weaving around me, reshaping reality and I know he's put me in a genjutsu. Here, at least, we'll be safe from prying eyes. I allow myself to break into a smile.

"I'm sorry I couldn't visit you again," I say. "I tried countless times…"

"I know." He steps towards me. "I heard about last night. Are you alright?"

"Your friend made sure of that. Did you know she also happens to be one of my teachers? She's got her fingers in every pie, it seems."

Itachi chuckles. It lifts my spirits to see him at ease, for once. "Akane has always been resourceful," he says.

But it's not really Akane Nara I want to talk about, not now. I've only realized what hell this month has been for me now that Itachi's here. It's like I've been blundering in the dark until now, hopelessly seeking the light. I've been frustrated, and worried, and afraid. All this has taken a much greater toll on me than I knew and it's dawning on me now, as my hands start to tremble, as my whole body seems to pick up this unseemly tremor. I want to stop, but before I can scrabble around for the bricks in my crumbling walls, the tears start falling.

One, two, three of them splash at my feet. My hand shoots up to my mouth to stop myself from sobbing, but my shoulders heave as I breathe.

You're losing it, Sakura.

No, not here, not now, not like this. I shut my eyes tight to stop the flow, but they seem to find their way through my eyelashes regardless. Two more drops join the ones on the ground, others on the way.

You're weak, weak, weak. Get a grip, shannarou…

My free hand curls into a fist and I push it against my stomach as the pain doubles me up. Death and pain are my enemies and as a medic-nin, I can keep them both at bay. But this pain is something different. They don't teach us how to fight it in med school. While some seem to be better equipped to deal with it, I am helpless in its clutches and the more I struggle against it, the faster it unravels me.

I feel a warm hand envelop my fist and an arm laces around my back, pulling me closer. The thought of Itachi seeing me like this blends shame into the treacherous, poisonous mixture of feelings swirling within me. His touch is my tipping point – I break apart. The floodgates are broken, it's all pouring out now.

"I know," he says. "It's alright. I've been there, too." His voice is coming from a million miles away, like starlight, but I cling to it with all the desperation of a drowning person. I almost don't register the words, it's his tone that resonates somewhere within me.

I feel us sinking to the ground and open my eyes for a moment. My knees have given in, but the ground is soft and blades of grass tickle my legs. The genjutsu has changed around us. A breeze cools my cheeks, stirring a cloud of red petals from the endless field around us. I feel Itachi's hand run through the hair at the back of my head, pressing my forehead against his shoulder. I keep sobbing without sound now, without tears.

"Let it bleed," he tells me. "Let it hurt."

I blink slowly, my eyelids heavy. His words reach me this time, but they make no sense. I've always believed that to be strong is to never feel pain. I am a shinobi. I should be strong, I should feel no such pain. At the very least, I should not let it overwhelm me so. Yet here I am, hearing one of the strongest shinobi I know tell me to do the opposite.

"Why?" I ask, my voice close to a whisper.

"In order for it to heal."

I pull away to look at him. My face must be a puffy, red mess, but it doesn't matter. A stray tear escapes my eye and I wipe it with the back of my hand. Is this where he draws his strength from, I wonder? Old wounds? My pain is nothing compared to his. He must have bled, he must have hurt a hundred times worse, torn apart between love and duty. He never stopped being a shinobi.

I stare at him in wonder, my mind still too addled to form any coherent sentences, when I realize it's starting to snow. I look up, momentarily distracted by the sudden change in weather, but there is a dark hole in the sky above us, growing larger as more and more fragments break and fall all around us. They settle in the grass and burn up, like ashes. Itachi's genjutsu is breaking apart.

The hole in the sky consumes the landscape like a flame eats up a piece of paper, until we're left in the dark. The floor is hard and my legs have grown numb. I feel Itachi rise, hear him make a few steps. One click and real light burns into my retina. I shield my eyes from it, giving myself time to adjust.

"I haven't used my Sharingan in a while," he says, sounding apologetic.

I get up, rubbing my legs to get the blood flowing again. "It's alright. People were probably starting to wonder what we were doing in the dark." I did not just say that, shannarou. My face is starting to turn that telltale shade of red, I can feel it all the way up to my ears.

Itachi smiles. "And now they're left to wonder what we were doing on the floor."

If I ever wondered just how red my face can get, I need only look in the mirror now to learn the answer. Then I remember the microphones and I realize I don't want to know the answer. When did Itachi start cracking jokes? And that devious smile, that curl of his lips – I've never seen it before.

"Come on," he says. "Let's see what Hokage-sama left us for dinner."