A/N: Hello! This is the ninth chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

Percy's POV

I waited until my breath slowed down for me to stand upright without difficulty before moving again. It felt a thousand times slower than the pace I had been running at before, but I was perfectly fine to walk at this pace. After all, if I got there eventually, it would be enough for me. I couldn't race there only to be slaughtered by monsters because I was out of breath.

I trekked up each ridge in silence, but I still somehow managed to do it with a smile on my face. My head was filled with pleasant memories, and I couldn't help but grin at each one. I would do most anything to get back, and I now had a definite goal. It had felt like eons since I had finally managed to know where exactly I was heading. After several different traps and aimless wandering, it felt fantastic to be heading somewhere with a purpose, even if I was still in the pits of hell. It reminded me of my previous quests, where we would all suddenly understand a major part of a prophecy. But this was so much better. I almost started laughing.

The last time I remembered hearing laughter was on the banks of the Cocytus, just after Annabeth and I had fallen. We hadn't experienced the horrors of Tartarus yet, and still had faith that we would both leave here alive. I almost wanted to return to that state. How much had I done since then? Would it ever be enough for the gods?

I dreamed of a life where Annabeth and I could face the trials of a normal life. Maybe find a job, raise a family, grow old in peace. I dreamed of the future. Not like I had imagined the future earlier, where there were only trials after trials, but a time when it was just Annabeth and me. I knew that even if we still had to fight all the monsters, it would be completely worth it to be by Annabeth's side. She made everything… perfect.

A slight smile still on my face, I glanced around. The ridges seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, and I understood that I was quickly approaching the heart. The main plain where I had last seen Annabeth. It almost seemed like years ago since I had been here. Tartarus himself had made me take a huge step backward, and now I had just caught up with where I was previously. But that was okay. I had learned much since then. And nothing at the moment could take away my decent mood.

I breathed in deeply, forgetting the poisonous air, and immediately bent over, hacking my lungs out. It brought a sense of urgency back to my destination. I probably wouldn't last much longer without the help of the firewater. I needed to get there quickly, but not fast enough to completely exhaust me.

It seemed that I was close enough to make it, but I couldn't be sure. It could still be a couple more miles. If i didn't encounter any monsters, I might be able to make it. Maybe. It could either be an incredibly close call, or it could be me completely overthinking everything. I tended to do that a lot. Annabeth always teased me for it. I would give anything to hear her voice, even if it was for a moment.

This entire ordeal was a balance. I had to balance how fast I could walk with how much time I had. As I recognized that thought, I realized that pretty much everything in life was a balance as well. There was no way for me to completely ignore some parts of my life while expecting everything to stay exactly the same. I supposed objects might just earn some dust, but people were constantly changing, and I couldn't ever expect someone to be the same. Especially with demigods. After going through such trials, demigods were always different.

I thought back to my twelve year old self. What would I do if I ever got to meet him now? Maybe apologize. Tell him that I was sorry for all the stuff he would have to go through. Maybe give him a hug. Gods knew that I needed one back then. Maybe tell him that it would be alright one day.

But I didn't know that. That little twelve year old boy was still me, even if we weren't the same. As I walked down the side of a small hill, I pulled up my hands and looked at my palms. They were calloused and pale. I was the same person, but yet, completely changed. Twelve year old Percy and I would be complete strangers. We would think differently, act differently, speak differently. I had been through so much. I would undoubtedly go through much more in the future.

If I met him as a stranger, would I be how I expected myself to be? I never could have predicted this outcome in my life when I was eleven. I hadn't even truly decided what I dreamed of being as an adult. I thought high school was years away.

I expected to be bullied, but I never would have expected this.

I glanced up from my palms at the ceiling above me. The red mist swirled gently near the top of the cavern, reminding me of the original mist that protected us from the mortals.

I needed a plan. There was no way I could keep moving without one. As of right now, the plan had been to keep moving forward towards the heart of Tartarus. Earlier, the dracaenae had told me that there would be a place beyond the heart of Tartarus. She had referred to it as the head. If all of Tartarus was essentially a giant version of the human body, then it made sense that there would be a head, and that would be where escape would be.

But I had no proof that she was telling the truth. She had been terrified when I forced the information out of her, but there was no telling.

And still… It was all I had to go on at the moment. If that plan wasn't true, and if there was an ambush or something perhaps waiting, then I had no way of knowing.

But maybe that chance was worth it. I couldn't afford to not believe her. It was a possible way out, and I had to investigate it. If it happened to be false, I would figure out what to do then, rather than worry about it now

Worst case scenario, there was a possibility of death. Best case scenario, that was the way out.

And even if it was the way out, there was several more issues. Maybe it only allowed monsters through, and I wouldn't be able to get past.

If that happened, and if it was true that that was the only exit, then there would be no escape for me.

But I had to do it.

I climbed the next ridge, and slowly picked my way down the small hill. And what would I do if there were still monsters at the plain? There would be nowhere to hide, and I would have to either figure out a way through or fight them all. Both of those options were unpleasant.

I kept walking over the ridges, making sure to move at a sustainable pace. They were getting smaller and smaller, and I knew that I was quickly approaching the open plain.

And then suddenly, I had climbed the last little ridge. The ground, although slightly uneven, was mostly flat. The veins of the five rivers of the underworld crossed the floor unevenly, pulsing quietly against the ground. I stood next a vein that held the Phlegethon and bursted it open.

A strong stream of water poured out and gushed onto the ground. I cupped my hands and grabbed some, taking a quick sip.

I winced slightly, the taste burning my mouth and throat. But I could breathe easier now, and the pain had subsided a little bit.

I glanced up, feeling a slight rush of relief flowing over me.

There was no one else on the empty plain. Of course, there could have been a more sinister reason for the emptiness, but for now, I would take it as an optimistic reason.

Back at Camp Half-Blood, Annabeth had always gotten onto me for being so pessimistic. Sure, she understood that pessimism kept people alive in life or death situations, but she claimed there was no reason to worry over things that would not end up with death as an immediate consequence, like turning in a paper late, or being awkward when interacting with other people. I had smiled and nodded, agreeing with her. But changing your thinking wasn't as easy as saying the words. I hadn't been able to do it, but I did my best to at least try.

I shook the memory off. This entire ordeal would be a life or death situation. I couldn't afford to always assume the best. Anything and everything could go wrong. I had no way of knowing.

Ahead of me was the area where the Doors of Death had once stood. I could still see the anchor points of where they had been chained to the ground.

Suddenly, I realized how little time had passed since the Doors of Death. It felt like years had passed. So much had happened, but it couldn't have been more than a week. Even though I knew that time flowed weirdly in mythological places, I couldn't bring myself to image this being any longer than a week. The more I thought about it, the more compressed the time felt.

I walked over to where the Doors had stood. These had been near the middle of the plain. I only had to figure out which way the head was.

If Annabeth and I had come out near the front of the door, that would make the area beyond it closer to the head, right? We had been close to the edge of Tartarus when we got the Death Mist. Then we had taken a shortcut through the House of Night. I guessed that the direction I needed to head in was behind where the Doors of Death used to be.

I could be wrong, and that would cause me to waste time that I didn't have, but I had no choice. It was all I could do at the moment.

Well… There was one thing.

I knelt down to the ground and placed my hands on the veins in front of me. I extended my reach to all of the rivers, and felt the awareness rush through me. The water extended far behind me, and then directly under me in a large pool where the five waters of the underworld mixed together. The only place it didn't exist was in the cavern ahead of me.

The five waters of the Underworld combined here, and they didn't go any further. It was different from human anatomy, where blood was necessary in the brain. But if Annabeth was right, then that meant that the head of Tartarus was the only place without water. And if my instincts and what my power proved to me were right as well, then that meant the way I needed to go was directly in front of me.

Even if I was wrong, this was the path with the most amount of evidence for it. I would figure out to do when and if that happened.

I started walking in that direction, carefully picking my way over the veins that were scattered across the ground. One misstep and I could break one of these and douse myself with something that I didn't want. I most definitely hadn't come this way to forget everything by being soaked by the lethe, or to be splashed with the Cocytus and become certain that it absolutely everything was hopeless.

I mean it was, but I didn't want to actually believe it yet. I wanted to believe that I still had a chance.

A bead of sweat trickled down my face as I attempted to avoid the water. It was hard work. At the same time, I tried to keep my awareness up. I couldn't focus too much on avoiding in case a monster managed to sneak up on me. I had to pay attention to what I was doing and what was around me.

After several minutes of tense work, I made it to the other side. There was clear ground, even though it had the same mushy texture from the fields before.

I stepped forward lightly, not wanting to put too much weight on the ground. It could have been similar to the mud in Alaska. I didn't want a repeat of that situation down here, where it was just me by myself. .

Above me, the cavern seemed to shrink slightly. It was almost as if I was getting closer to the edge of Tartarus, which I could only hope I was.

I took more steps forward, imagining that I was shortening the distance to my escape. My plan only had a few steps in it, but it still was the most exhausting plan I had ever come up with.

Figure out where the exit is. Get to the exit. Exit Tartarus. Get to the seven, from no matter where I popped back up. Defeat Gaea. Get back to Camp Half-Blood. Stop the impending war.

That was all I had to do. Until then, I couldn't get ahead of myself. I had to follow the plan one step at a time. As far as I knew, I had finished the first step. Now I was in the process of completing the second step.

Once I finished the second step, then I could focus on the third, or I would have to get back to the first step.

I was so deep in thought that I almost ran straight into it. There was a giant wall in front me, that I had somehow managed to miss. I could barely see the top, and it seemed to stretch on in both directions. I peered through the mist, hoping to see some fault or opening somewhere.

This was the correct direction from the empty plains of Tartarus, but now I had to pick another direction to head in. Thankfully, this direction decision was only between two options.

I put my hand on the wall, and searched for water. There was none on my left side, but a river flowed by a couple of miles down.

If my guess that there was no water in the Head of Tartarus was correct, then I needed to go left.

Then again, I could be completely wrong, but I would at least try to be consistent in my decisions. If I had believed that there would be no water earlier, then I was going to pick the path with no water now.

I turned towards my left and headed towards what I hoped to be the correct direction. I left my hand against the wall, using it to sense for water ahead of me. The wall was warm, something that I wouldn't expect of rock. It was another reminder that this was truly hell, and that there wasn't supposed to be an escape.

But it would be okay. I would figure my way out of here eventually. There were only two things that could happen. I would find the exit, or I would die. Either way, I would be leaving Tartarus.

I attempted to take in a deep breath, only to find that my lungs couldn't take in anymore of the air. I hacked and coughed, a dribble of blood leaking down my chin. This was not the first time that I had made this mistake, and I was certain that it wouldn't be the last.

At this rate, I would most likely die first. And yet, I couldn't let that happen. I had to get to the surface.

Ahead of me, the rock wall seemed to stop. There was a small opening that led forward. I walked toward it slowly, breathing heavily. Already, the effects of the water of the Phlegethon seemed to be leaving me. I suddenly wished that I had any container on me to bring some of the water with me. But I had nothing. It was just myself and Riptide that I had, and nothing else. Holding some of the water with my power would have been too much energy to maintain, and I had no energy to spare.

The small canyon turned out to be bigger than expected as I approached it. There was a torch on either side.

This had to be where I needed to go. The torches were a sign that this wasn't just a random canyon. Then again, it could be a trap of some sort, but it was all I had at the moment.

I was saying that a lot. That was dictating all of my decisions. But still it was true. I was making the best decisions I could with all the information I had.

I peeked around the corner of the canyon, slowly. There was no one inside the area, and there was no one outside the canyon as far as I could see either.

I stood in front of it, and drew Riptide out.

Something came across as wrong in the situation. If this was the only exit from Tartarus, shouldn't there be more monsters here? I should have encountered at least one by now. Unless all the monsters from the field had already passed through this area, or unless there was another exit that I didn't know of.

I stepped into the canyon, watching my surroundings warily. This would be a very good place for an ambush. I was an open target from above, and if I was cornered from in front and behind, there would be no easy escape. I had to be ready for an attack from any direction, and there was no clear plan to retreat.

Riptide's bronze glow illuminated the rocks around me. Normally, the color gave me a sense of comfort and security. It was a soft bronze color that inspired feelings of home. But I couldn't afford to relax down here. There wasn't a single moment for that. This was all life and death.

I scanned the rocks both in front of me and behind me. It was entirely possible that I was the only person for miles around, and it was entirely possible that I was surrounded on all sides. I had to believe that there were monsters on all sides in order to survive. If I let my guard down for just a single moment, I could lose everything.

I turned a corner, and immediately, the sound of voices reached my ears. I quickly ducked down below a boulder and peered over the rock carefully.

There was a clearing in front of me, and there were a couple of telkhines standing in front of a silver statue.

They were speaking.

"- prepared for the trials you must face? You will face great difficulty before you make it to the surface world. Some of you may not make it," The statue was speaking. Behind him, a silver barrier cut off the entrance to a cave.

"Yes, we are." One telekhine was speaking up for the small group. "We will face the trials," It said.

"Very well," The statue replied. The barrier disappeared.

The telkhines nodded and stepped into the dark cave. The barrier resealed itself.

It appeared that this was it. This had to be the head of Tartarus. This was the way out. But the barrier had said that they would have to face trials. The escape would not be easy.

This was another step marked off of the plan. It didn't matter if it wouldn't be easy, it would be what I had to do.

I stepped out from behind the rock and stepped toward the statue.

"Do you seek freedom?" It asked.

I nodded. "Yes," I added.

"I will not grant you passage. You are a demigod. There is no escape for you here." It said.

I stepped backwards slightly. I had expected this. I was a demigod, not a monster. This place was healing to monsters and punishment to us. There would be no salvation for me here.

At the same moment, rage whirled up inside of me. I had not come this far to be told no. I would not let this be the reason that I couldn't escape.

I had people to make it back to. I had promised Annabeth a life together, and I had promised her that I would make it back. I had promised my mom that I would make it back to her as well. I had promised the members of the seven that we would defeat Gaea as a team.

I had made promises, and I was tired of breaking them. I had already broken enough, with Bob and Nico and Bianca.

This statue had no right to tell me that it would let me through.

I pointed Riptide toward the statue's throat. "Let me by," I growled. The statue didn't move.

"I will not let a demigod pass through," It repeated. "You can try and get through, but the barrier will destroy you if you touch it."

If it destroyed me, it would destroy him too. I stepped forward and lopped the statues head off. If it was anything like Terminus, it would live, but only in the head.

I picked it up. "What is your name?" I asked it.

It stared back at me. "I have no name. I am a statue built with the sole intention of regulating who passes through this gate. And nothing you do will make me let you pass." It said.

I was done with playing nice with the statue. "Alright then," I whispered to it. "Can you pass through the gate?"

It watched me without saying anything. I took it as a no. I set the head down on the ground so it could see me, and shoved the body of the statue through the gate. It vaporized instantly.

"Call off the gate," I said. "Or you will be the next person through it." I picked the head back up, and held it closer to the barrier.

"I wonder where you would go if you died, huh?" I snarled. "You aren't human, so you wouldn't be able to pass through the underworld. You aren't a monster, so you wouldn't reform here. I guess that you would be faced with the abyss of Chaos?" The statue seemed to quiver under my hands.

Still, it said nothing. I shoved part of its face under the barrier, watching part of it dissolve into dust.

"Funny," I said. "I'm sure there are other ways out of here. Your best option would be to let me through and save me a bit of time. Otherwise, no more consciousness for you."

"Fine," it said. It glared me down with the one eye it had left. "I will open the gate for you. You are more monster than human."

I smirked at it, feeling the satisfaction of getting what I want curl in my gut. "Thank you."

The barrier dissolved, and I started to step through it, carrying the head through with me.

"Wait," it said. "You need to leave me on the other side."

I looked back down at it and smiled. "And how do I know that you won't make the barrier come back up the second that I walk through?"

The statue's head went silent, and I stepped completely into the cavern. The barrier reappeared behind me.

"I cannot control the barrier from this side. You have trapped us both." It said, anger lacing its tone.

"Ahh," I said. "Then we'll just have to get you back to the other side then." I put Riptide down on the ground and lifted the head with two hands.

"Wait, what are you doing?" It asked.

"Returning you," I said, smiling. Chuckling, I tossed the head back towards the barrier, watching it completely dissolve away.

There would be no monsters following me.

At the same time, I felt something shatter inside of me. Eirene's words echoed in my head again.

Tartarus has a corrupting presence. The longer you stay down here, the more likely it is that you will stray to evil thoughts.

I stumbled backwards and sank down against the wall.

What had I just done? What had I done? What had I done?

In the moment, everything that had happened seemed like a rational course of action. Looking back, everything seemed twisted. There was no way that I would have ever done something like that before Tartarus. And yet, here I was.

I stared at my palms again. First Akhlys, then the dracaena, and now this statue. I hadn't done anything major to the first two, but now...

I had threatened Akhlys with drowning. I had used her own tears against her. I had used her own poison against her. I would have severely hurt her if Annabeth hadn't been there to stop me.

Then, the dracaena. She had attacked me first, and I responded as I would with any other monster. I had just threatened her too. I hadn't done anything terrible beyond threaten to use my powers in ways I never should. But that was a warning sign that I hadn't heeded.

Then, the statue. I had crossed the line. Not only had I threatened it, I had practically tortured it. And then I had murdered it.

I was a murderer. Killing monsters wasn't the same. At least monsters would eventually reform. But this… I had murdered this statue. I had threatened it, I had tortured it, I had killed it.

I… I didn't even know if I could consider myself to be on the good side anymore. Granted, both sides considered themselves to be justified in their actions, but this was too much. I had done something that I never should have even dreamed of doing.

And the worst part was that I felt freer. I knew I had the capability to do worse. I could feel the power lust inside me to do worse things, to make all the monsters pay for making my life difficult. I could do even more terrible things, and part of me wanted to.

I was becoming evil.

Annabeth would be ashamed of me. My mom would be ashamed of me. My friends would be ashamed of me.

I looked over at Riptide. Zoe was wrong from all those years ago. I didn't deserve to wield this blade. I was too violent, too unpredictable, too powerful.

I was a monster myself.

Would it someday get to the point where everyone would have to risk their lives to stop me from destroying the world?

Maybe I should have stayed down here. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to make it out. If I was more monster than human by this point, then I shouldn't make it to the surface. I shouldn't try and get back.

And yet, it was a selfish desire to want to go home. I wanted to be with my friends again, at least see them one more time. If they rejected me for what I had done, I would understand.

I could understand if they would never welcome me back.

The curses of the arai had shown me the monsters point of view of my actions. Now, I was reflecting on myself.

And I couldn't tell the difference between us anymore.

The monsters and I seemed to be the same. They killed for revenge, and in this last moment, I had slipped over to their side.

I couldn't forgive myself from this.

Something wet dripped down my face, and I realized that I was crying.

I tried telling myself that tears didn't help anything, and that they were useless, but the water still flowed down my cheeks.

So I gave in.

I curled up against the side of the wall, and let my tears fall as I mourned for what I had just lost, and for what Tartarus had awakened inside of me.

A/N: Thank you for reading, and please review!

Updated: March 29th, 2018