After a few short minutes, JJ's breathing began to slow down, the threat of imminent hyperventilation having passed. Another few minutes passed before she felt ready to speak again. "David. Please. Say something. I know I've been a fool and you've every right to think so. A trained FBI agent should know the signs and be able to control her life better. I don't know what happened. I didn't see any of this coming." JJ was shaking, quickly shrinking into herself. She wanted nothing more than to take back every confession to this giant of a man holding her. What he must think of her, a pitiful excuse for an agent. "To my knowledge, he's never accessed anything having to do with our cases or information. I've done everything in my power to keep this from interfering with my job" she whispered, softly adding "anyways, I've put an end to it. He's gone." JJ looked up at Rossi, expecting to find nothing but disgust on his face. Instead, she saw confusion and anger.
For his part, Rossi was doing what he could to remain calm. Holding the small woman in his lap he did his best not to tense up, lest she actually feel what he was thinking. Suddenly, however, he felt an urgent need to hit something. Knowing that he needed to separate himself from her before he did something to scare her, he gently kissed her on the forehead and placed her on the ground beside where they had been sitting. Slowly rising, Rossi was quiet, not noticing the trepidation mounting on JJ's face. All he could focus on was getting away - stoking the fire, trying again for a cell phone signal, anything but acting out on his anger towards an unknown man, someone who could have done this thing to this sweet woman. This gentle creature that cared more for her team and the victims of the crimes they solved than for herself and her own well-being. His colleague. His partner. His friend. His JJ. David stopped. He wasn't sure when she had become "his" but he now knew that he certainly couldn't go back on that feeling, even if he wanted to. And he didn't.
"Tell me the rest, JJ." Rossi had walked back from tending the fire to where she was still sitting, unmovable from her spot. Towering over her small frame, he looked down at her blonde covered head, his emotions threatening to bubble to the surface.
Mistaking the tremor in his voice for disappointment in her, JJ started silently crying. She could handle anything but that. David Rossi's opinion of her mattered more to her than anyone else's. Her fear of his disappointment was the biggest thing that kept her from going to any one of the team with her problems. While certainly always relishing in keeping her private life private, JJ did everything she could to have an air of confidence and strength when in front of the team. She never wanted any one of them to know how much she doubted her own abilities as an agent and as a person. On most days, looking at case after case was more than she could take. She was sure that most of the team thought she kept her office door closed so that she could concentrate and focus, picking the best place for them to help. Unbeknownst to them, however, she kept her door closed so that no one could see her breaking down after seeing photos of a missing child or reading the autopsy report of a tortured woman. By the time she presented the case she had chosen to the team she had already cried herself numb. At that point, and only then, could she introduce the horrors she found to her family. It seemed to her the only way to cope. And suddenly, in one evening, the image that she had been able to maintain for years had been shattered. Super profiler David frickin' Rossi now knew that, not only was she a scared little girl, she was inept at being able to distinguish a normal man from the loons. What did that say about her as an agent? What did that say about her place on their team?
David crouched down so that he could look at JJ's face. Lifting her chin with his hand, David noticed the trails of tears that had fallen and the sapphire blue pools of water still in her eyes, waiting to be released. Never had he seen a more beautiful creature – delicate, innocent and vulnerable, yet with nerves and strength of steel. "I'm sorry." JJ whispered to him. "Sorry for what, honey? Being human?" David was perplexed as to what she could possibly be apologizing for. "I know you're disappointed in me. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to stop this before….."
David tightened the hand that was still on her face. "JJ. Listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. Everyone makes their own choices, you know that. Whatever this sick bastard did is on him, not you. I could never be disappointed in you. Understand?"
"But I thought…you were so angry.." JJ began hesitantly, trying to pull away from the hold he had on her.
"I don't know what you thought but there is no way in the world that this is your fault, got it?" David dropped his hand from her face, instead dropping it to the hands resting in her small lap. Lowering himself to sit on the ground in front of her, David spoke softly, "Honey, I am angry. But not at you. I'm angry at this sicko who's hurt you and put that look in your eye. I'm angry at the team – a group of renowned profilers and yet, no one knew that this was going on. And mostly….. mostly I'm mad at myself."
"Why would you be angry at yourself, David? You didn't have anything to do with this?"
"I'm angry at myself because the woman that I care for was being hurt and was scared for her life and I knew nothing about, didn't do a thing to stop it." David lowered his eyes to the ground resting between them, unsure of what his confession was going to cost him.
"David, how could you have known? I didn't tell a soul. Not Emily, not even Gar…..Wait a minute. You care about me?" JJ's heart was beating in her chest, virtually echoing in her ears. Could it be? There was no way that the great Rossi could care for her. This had to be an admission out of regret or he just felt sorry for her. That had to be it. Men like him didn't just fall for girls like her. Obviously. She already knew what kind of losers she attracted.
"Yes, JJ. I care about you. I have for quite a while; I guess I was just afraid to say it." Looking up into her face, David couldn't read her. He couldn't tell if she felt the same. "JJ. I know this is a shock and that I'm an old man. I know you've heard tons of stories about me that may make you want to squirm. I promise you, as your friend first, that most of those stories aren't true and, the ones that have any truth to them, have been exaggerated upon beyond belief. I was a fool back then. I didn't know the worth of women or myself. I couldn't see it. Between 3 failed marriages and countless short relationships, the one thing that I was looking for I never found. So, I just gave up." David released the breath that he didn't realize he had been holding.
JJ was impressed with herself for finding the words to speak, tentatively asking him, "David, what were you looking for?"
"Peace." There. David had said it.
"Peace? Have you found it now?" She asked.
"Yes. I found it when you walked into my office with the first case file you wanted me to review. I knew then that my choice to come back to the BAU had been worth it. That maybe God had some hand in it and knew what he was doing. Let me tell you, honey. My knees were aching that night after spending hours on them taking back everything I had ever thought or said to His contrary." A small smile spread upon his face remembering that night. And that's all it took. JJ leaned forward, placing her small hand on the side of his face and gently, tentatively, kissed him.