I realized as I went back into my outline that it was 31 pages FROM the current chapter. For some reason I had forgotten that I had deleted the outline as I went rather than kept it all intact. SO...yeah... The word count for everything is as follows:
Main Story: 19.8k
Side Story: 3.7k
AU: 3.5k
Also, throughout the outline you may see an Author's Note from time to time because I may have something to say about a particular section.
Oh! And sorry if you see third person/first person switching between the outline. I just usually wrote for whatever would flow at the time. When it came time to write the actual chapter, I would convert it back over to first person or vice versa for the side story.
Summary: The outline portion that covers the remaining two chapters of the Beorn arc and the Mirkwood arc! :3
- Beorn's section -
- Beorn sniffs Bilbo and asks her if she wants a bath, informs her of the regular one in the other half of the house. They have breakfast, surrounded by flowers.
- Bilbo and Fili learn a dance.
"Bilbo laughed as she twirled with Fili, feeling his glee as he helped lift her and turn her in the air before setting her back down. He kept pace with her energy and it seemed like the two meshed together in a way that they could only do when it was the two of them alone in bed. Bilbo had to smile because for a hobbit, a dance was a conversation in its own way."
- When preparing for the party, Ori and the others teach Bilbo a dwarf dance. Excitedly, she learns the dance and delights because it's very similar to hobbit dances.
- Afterwards, Gandalf comes over and makes a note that the dwarf dance has hobbit like elements to it. He mentions that it looks like the "hobbit trot!"
The dwarves ask to learn the hobbit trot though they are quite terrible at it.
Dwalin and Thorin are off to the side training with swords, unknowingly watching the lessons.
By the end of the lessons, Bilbo concludes that the dwarves won't be doing any hobbit trot.
- Story that Beorn tells the group about Ursa Major during the night party
"My clan told me a story when I was a child about a great bear in the sky. When Middle-Earth was young and beautiful, a man wishing to know how to make crops grow faster and more plentiful sent his three sons and four daughters to the woods to try and learn the language of nature.
The siblings all disagreed which part of nature would know how to make crops grow faster. Some wanted to speak with the trees, some wanted the speak with the animals, and others the very water that fell on the ground. For days they wandered the forest in the hopes of finding an answer. At night, they would rest under the stars.
One day while out searching, the daughters encountered a woman who was tending to an injured tree. The youngest daughter asked her if she knew the language of the rain and if she could help them grow crops to survive. The woman did not know the language of the rain but rather the language of the trees and animals.
The siblings asked the woman's help to learn the language of nature and the woman declared that she would teach them if they helped mend the forest that was crushed under evil's touch.
The siblings listened to the woman's lessons and tended to the forest, all the while listening to her sing. Her voice was beautiful to them and on the last day of their work, the siblings noticed that as soon as the woman stopped singing, they could hear a myriad of voices in the air.
The woman had taught them the language as promised.
Once their ears were opened though, they heard the pain that men and dwarves brought to their work. The trees begged the siblings not to leave them and to stay with them to protect them.
The siblings hearing these pleas asked if there was any way to defend the trees as they were only mere humans. The woman hearing this plea used her magic and sang to each sibling, allowing their ears to take in her music differently.
Awakened by the woman's voice, the siblings transformed into animals of the forest. The siblings transformed one-by-one into a stag, wolf, cougar, fox, hawk, moose, and the eldest sibling a bear.
These became the first skin-changers granted their powers by Yavanna herself. Eventually after each sibling died, they begged to stay together despite their clans having moved apart throughout their lives and Yarda lifted them up with permission from Yavanna and placed them into the sky where they reside to this day. From the sky and the earth itself, they protect the animals and nature just as promised."
- The next day -
Bilbo is walking around the property and bumps into Kili who is practicing with his bow and arrow.
She stays and watches out of the way, realizing that Kili doesn't really want to talk to her.
She thinks back to how Fili and him fought the previous night and how Fili joined them afterwards and decides to see if she can perhaps help.
"Kili, are you alright?"
"Oh? Did you hear that? So sorry, didn't mean to disturb you and Thorin. Mahal forbid anyone upset the poor hobbit." Removes arrows from tree, "So to answer your question; no, I'm really fucking not." He leaves her then.
-Author's Note-
This scene is just a dialogue purge. Very little of this scene would have appeared in the actual chapter due to the dialogue appearing elsewhere with Thorin and then Fili's behavior that seemed to come off more verbally aggressive with regards to Bilbo than I really wanted. Basically once we get to the story about their past, that's where it started to turn kinda rotten to me. The actual story itself is fine...just afterwards, no.
- Bilbo runs off to find Fili sitting out alone looking tired.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Hm?" He notices that she's upset and becomes more defensive and alert, "What happened?"
"I just got a rather pissy Kili so you tell me what happened. Specifically last night. Everything seemed okay... Is this something more then a brotherly fight?"
"I'm sorry for him, Bilbo... He's just..." Fili sighed in annoyance and reluctant to speak, his hand running through his wild hair for any sort of means to distract himself. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" She asked incredulously because how could the brothers fight and not realize the real issue? "How do you not know? What were you two arguing about last night?!"
Finally Fili snapped and he shouted at Bilbo, his throat heavy. "He's jealous, alright! He's jealous! Last night we had a fight, that's all. It's nothing."
"But... He seemed really upset..."
"Bilbo, it's Kili wanting his way and not getting it. He'll get over it so, please, just leave it."
Bilbo doesn't really believe that Fili's telling her everything, she muses over the events of the night before. She thinks about how Kili's jealous and how Thorin and Fili don't mind sharing her. She concludes that it must have something to do with how much time they spend together.
Bilbo concludes that it must be because the two haven't been spending as much time with Kili cause of her.
"He seems bothered by how much time we all spend together."
Fili sighs, "That's because he's selfish. I wish you wouldn't do this right now."
"Well, I am! Kili being upset bothers me! It should bother you too!"
Fili cannot respond to that...
"You love me, don't you? You don't ever get that way when I'm with Thorin though so why is it okay for you?"
She watched his jaw clench tightly, his reluctance to the entire discussion so clearly evident. He sat there in silence, debating whether or not to actually go into it, knowing that if he didn't want to upset her, he would need to.
Minutes passed, enough for us to calm and feel the wind in our hair.
"Kili and I, we never really knew our father." Bilbo started at the soft sigh of Fili's voice and when she looked at him, he was avoiding her eyes like all of what he explained would pain him. "He died when we were really young and Thorin raised us as if we were his own. Money was sometimes hard to come by, food was scarce and sometimes we went hungry...yet love was never something my brother and I ever wanted for. When he caught my brother and I together, we expected him to execute or exile us himself. It was his duty as our king to do so but he did not."
"I have no idea why... He never told a soul about us even though it was a high crime. He never said a word despite the fact that he would now be executed for keeping it a secret too.
We were so stupid about it sometimes too. He had to cover our tracks at times when we were reckless."
"My brother and I were so irresponsible and feckless while growing up. Kili pranced about not giving a shit and I -terrified, paranoid and aggravated- went to Thorin and poured my soul out to him... I was scared and lonely all the time. Every dirty little secret I kept in the back of my mind just came out..."
Fili trailed off, his words revealing so much and yet still leaving her with the impression that he wasn't saying everything. Bilbo's eyes brows furrowed because she wondered what he could think so important that he need to guard it so fiercely?
"But anyway; it was only when Kili and I were older that I realized that while Thorin thought he gave us everything, it was actually that we took everything from him.
If he found someone to love, Kili and I would run them off.
If he found a hobby that didn't involve us, we found ways to ruin it. When he wanted to travel, we even made him take us along though even Mother knew we were too young most of the time.
He didn't have nearly anything for himself. He was devoted to us entirely." Fili smiled sadly at the memory, his cheeks reddened as if he were ashamed of himself, "We liked it that way too... He was ours. I'd be lying if I said I still didn't get the urge for it to be like that again sometimes."
"But then I realized what we had done, how for every ounce of love and happiness he gave us, he had none for himself."
"I promised myself that if Thorin ever found anything that made him happy, I would do anything in my power to ensure that he could have it."
He looked at me then, his eyes sad but determined, "Don't look at me like that. When he looks at you Bilbo, anyone can see that he adores you."
"So to answer your question: no, I'm not jealous whenever you're with Uncle because being with you truly makes him happy. You being with him makes you happy too. You two being happy makes me happy."
"Does it truly make you happy to share me?"
"It does. Your face lights up in a different way when you talk to him... It makes my heart race just thinking about it. I love him. I love you."
"And Kili?"
Fili becomes upset by this prompting. As if it needs to be said hurts him.
"Fili?"
"It's nothing. I'm just- It's just hard sometimes. This. Erebor. Traveling. It isn't like how you and I are. It's not made easier the way you can make it easier for me... This journey is harder on Kili and I because we can't act as we would were it you. It just wears on us..."
"So what's been going on between you and Kili?"
"Do you want to know the strangest thing about dwarven culture? We're allowed to take as many husbands and wives as we wish without anyone batting an eyelash. You could be unfaithful and no one would technically care. We could have sex in front of everyone and they wouldn't even stutter...and yet, blood already mixed can't be mixed again."
Bilbo's ears perk in curiosity because she notices that by his tone and how it reflects on her body that it isn't as miserable as it could be. Like Fili's not sad about how his relationship with Kili can't be as deep.
"Yet you're not as devastated by it as I would expect."
"What?"
"Your tone... I know what you sound like when you're upset. You're not-"
"By Durin, you can hear even that?"
Fili looks almost offended by the idea that Bilbo can hear what he wishes to keep a secret.
"So you're telling me that aside from what you hear, you can also tell from our tone what we're feeling?"
Bilbo doesn't answer, but nods shakily.
"By Aule, does anyone else know?"
Bilbo once again shakes her head shakily, "No."
"Good, do not tell anyone. To think that you can hear their secrets... they won't even want to talk to you anymore."
"I didn't ask for this. I was born with it-"
Fili erupts in anger, "Why should that matter?! You think I asked for any of this!? I just want one fucking day where I'm not torn between what I want and what is expected of me. I am so sick and tired of making sure that everyone's happy!"
Fili sees that Bilbo's upset and that she's going to leave him. He becomes anxious and holds her face towards him. "I'm so sorry. I did not mean to shout at you; I'm just so overwhelmingly exhausted."
"Fili, if you're not happy with me...if Kili would be happier. I'd understand."
"No, no...! Just the thought of that sickens me. I love my brother but if he should separate us, then by Aule, I will be tormented until I find you again." He kisses her, "I love you, Bilbo Baggins. I am sorry that I yelled at you and said those things. I did not mean them."
Kili comes from around the house, "Fili, have you seen Bil-?" He takes in the scene and is nervous about what the two have talked about.
Bilbo holds out her hand and beckons him to come over. She pulls him close so that he understands she cares for him too.
"What did you need?"
"I just- I just wanted to apologize for earlier."
- Mirkwood Section –
- The day they set off to the forest, Beorn brings Bilbo some cloth, saying that he can smell her impending "troubles." Bilbo accepts that Beorn can sense when she'll be on her period and gratefully accepts the gift of cloth.
- They ride to the forest and start singing softly to ease their group back into the journey.
-Author's Note-
Because of the Fili/Bilbo interaction and the poor taste it left in my mouth, I wanted to get some of the backstory out and basically see if Thorin's side sat better with me. The Fili one would have still made it in, just heavily edited. Thorin's would have been left fully intact. Nonetheless, I love how the previous conversation showed that Fili has a much darker side to him than what was expected.
- They make camp that evening in a clearing and Bilbo and Thorin talk.
The two take watch that evening and then talk about what Fili and her discussed the day before.
The two are sharing a pipe when Bilbo interrupts:
Thorin regarded the warmth of Bilbo next to him and the ease of her presence and passed the pipe back to her, exhaling the smoke. "I've never much liked the pipeweed of men-"
"Fili told me about when you found out about he and Kili."
Thorin stops and looks at her, surprised by her sudden line of thought but wanting and expecting her to continue.
"He said that he didn't know why you never said anything."
"And you want to know?"
She nods and he accepts that. He puts aside Orcrist and gives a quick glance around to make sure that no one's nearby. An old habit that will never die.
"When my sister met their father, Ragi, I knew they were destined for one another. Her eyes brightened and she didn't feel the weight of our burden anymore. I supported their marriage even though he was a commoner. My brother, Frerin, loved him too.
When we left Dunland, Ragi came with us to Ered Luin and we all made a life for ourselves. It wasn't Erebor but it was a home where we didn't have to toil away for men or lose our loved ones while on the road.
My grandfather was murdered, Moria happened, my father disappeared years later. We felt lost.
The day that Fili was born, it was like the city was alive again. The bells rang all day, people gifted her what they could. She had given them a prince and hope in the way that I never could. When Kili was born, the same thing happened. Finally it didn't seem as if we were cursed...
But Ragi was a miner and he died in a cave in... It was a common enough death considering our trade but my sister..."
Bilbo remembers her own father and how he became after losing Belladonna.
"Dis wasn't able to function without Ragi. She became overwhelmed by everything. Cooking, cleaning, talking. Everything. The boys were too much for her. She shut off from everyone. She couldn't even attend the burial.
Fili and Kili were so young when it happened, Kili was still in swaddling cloths...
I took care of them when she wasn't able to. Dwalin and I both did, actually. We felt useless - two grown warriors defeated hourly by two little dwarflings - but we did the best we could. Dwalin went out into the world of men and made a living to send back while I had to stay behind and care for my family and my people.
Dis got better eventually and I provided for her. Raising those beasts became a community effort.
One day though, no different than any other, I caught them. Walked right into it, actually. I don't know what went through my mind. I still can't remember.
Obviously Fili told you what happens if something like that is made public?"
"Y-yes..."
"They were frightened of me after that. I couldn't blame them. I was their king and they my heirs. It was my duty to uphold our laws. It was their duty to submit to them. We were sworn to it."
"Fili said you could have exiled them?"
"By the laws of our people, execution was the only punishment for it. If I somehow managed to procure a lighter sentence with their exile as punishment, they would have had to have beaten, branded, and dishonored before sending them away. Every other person would know their sin.
I thought of all that after I discovered them. Yet, when I looked at them, I knew I couldn't do it. I knew that if Dis were to find out and watch me execute her children or even send them away, she would never look at me again. I wouldn't be able to look at myself again.
So Fili wonders why I didn't say anything?
I thought about how all the times they were sick and cried over something and got snot in my clothing. I still have tunics with stains on it from tears and blowing noses. I remembered every cut, bruise, and broken bone. I was there for their first words, first steps, first braids.
I thought to myself how could I possibly send them away or kill them when I knew all of those things?"
- Bilbo speaks with Gandalf before he leaves the group for good.
"You look troubled, Gandalf."
"I have a feeling."
"A feeling?"
"Yes... Beorn tells me that you've been hearing whispers on the wind. I hear whispers too and like Beorn, I do well by the fact that I consider them an omen. But Bilbo, for all our ears gift us, we are the most blind."
"Blind?"
"We normally hear the lie, Mistress Baggins, not the truth carefully sheltered in the lie."
He looked at me then, his eyes steady and his voice a heavy weight on my shoulder. My hand instinctively wanted to go into my pocket where the ring was still hidden from all. The look in his eyes combined with the weight of his voice made me want to tell him the full story of my meeting with Gollum. Undoubtedly he had known that it wasn't a complete lie when I originally told the story but he did know that it wasn't the complete truth either. A truth carefully sheltered in a lie. I had one and Fili was currently on edge because he knew I could hear his.
"I have something..." I quickly felt the need to amend my statement, a pit in my stomach gnawing at me. "I found something in the goblin tunnels."
"What did you find?"
I wanted to tell him. I truly did. It was on my mind to say the truth and nothing but. I found a ring on the floor of the tunnel and I took it and when faced against Gollum, I lied about it and stole it. When the dwarves then asked how I escaped, I lied again... I didn't want them to know... I wanted to keep it hidden... Away from their eyes that would look upon it and want it... I didn't want Gandalf to know either... He would take it from me if he knew... But...the ring... I picked it up... It... It was... min-
"Bilbo?"
I blinked and looked up at Gandalf, surprised and momentarily lost as to what was happening around me.
"W-what?"
"I asked, what did you find?" He was smiling now and I smiled back because of how silly my previous thoughts had been. How silly that Gandalf would care for a magic ring when he himself was a wizard. I wouldn't trouble him with its existence.
"My courage, of course...!"
"Good, you'll need it."
- Scene where group is suffering under the forest's influence.
Bilbo hears the strangeness of the forest and hears whispering in the background that hurts her.
The whispering terrifies her.
Dwalin, noticing her fear, stops her and asks her what she is afraid of. The forest is dangerous but nothing to be afraid of. She is with all of them.
Bilbo doesn't know how to explain what she's going through -the whispering, how it hurts her skin to hear it.
Not wanting to push her into anything, Dwalin sighs and puts his hand on her shoulder.
"Lass, what you're feeling isn't real."
"But..."
Dwalin shook his head to dispel any objections I had, his hand squeezing my shoulder firmly, "No, lass, trust me on this. It isn't real. The whispering, everything it's just your fear. Your fear exists here," His hand left my shoulder to lightly tap on my forehead, "and its only reason to exist is so that we feel the weight of our futures. Fear is our failure made real.
But lass, what you're afraid of may never come by happen."
"Those bloody orcs chasing us are real enough, yes, and the danger they pose is not imagined. But..."
"But?"
"But we do not have to give into thoughts of them finding us when they have not found us."
- The group is traveling through the forest. Everyone is tired from carrying Bombur. They are hiking.
Between Fili and Kili:
"Fili... are you thinking of vowing-?"
"Can we not do this right now? As if carrying this arse isn't bad enough."
"Mahal, you are! You didn't think to ask me!"
Bilbo looks back near the head of the group and sees Fili's nervous reaction, he's looking around scared since Kili isn't being careful enough about their relationship.
"You forget yourself, brother. Why would I need to ask you? Besides, it's not a bad thing. Nothing will change."
"Lads, mind yourselves!" Dwalin tries to squash any fight that will undoubtedly come should the brothers be allowed to fight in an already tense situation.
Silence returned to the group as we all trudged onwards, mud sticking to the underside of my foot before I used a nearby log to scrape it back off. I sighed in annoyance and looked around at what would have been the sky, the whispering for now gone. It was a much needed silence...
"It will!" I turned back towards the group and again, the brothers were starting to fight. None of Kili's earlier fury had dissipated, "You can't ignore what the wizard said! Just stop, save yourself the grief of her early passing!"
"Lads!" Dwalin tries to get them to stop but it doesn't work.
"I can't believe you. What more can you ask of me?"
"You really are fucking asking me that? Really?"
"Fili, Kili, enough! This place is bad enough without you two biting at each other." Thorin is weary but won't allow the arguing to continue.
The group starts to continue on but the bickering escalates unbeknownst to Bilbo until finally she hears both of them growing at each other in Khuzdul.
Eventually they get into a fist fight. Bofur and Nori pull Fili off and Bilbo - quick and nimble - tries to keep Kili at bay. He ends up pushing her away, making her trip on a nearby branch and fall.
"Get away from me!"
Dwalin pounces on him, shoving him into a nearby tree.
"You dishonor your mother! You overstep yourself, lad!" They glare at one another until Kili finally relents and nods his head, apologizing softly to the company and Thorin.
Bilbo notices that Thorin looks at his nephews like he doesn't even know them anymore. He thinks about it and comes to the conclusion of what is happening.
Thorin then turns to the rest of the group.
"I've had enough of these petty fights. We are allies! This forest is toying with us and I will not have us become like animals! No more fighting, no more pittance! Say nothing if you think you will regret it!"
- The group resumes their travel through the forest and Balin comes up to Bilbo.
"I'm sorry for Kili, Mistress Baggins."
"It's fine, nothing's hurt."
"It's not. He brings dishonor on Dis and the line of Durin with his behavior. Dwarf men are not allowed to strike a woman with the intent to hurt if they have not both agreed to combat. To do so is highly looked down upon and punishable by law if great enough."
"Really?" Bilbo thinks of the abuse that she's heard of hobbit wives go through. Silent victims at times.
"Yes, we dwarves do not allow our brothers or sisters to suffer alone. When one suffers, we fix it."
- Given what happened, when Fili goes to take a piss or whatever (sent on watch), she exchanges a look with Thorin, who gives her leave to confront Fili.
Fili is closed off and reluctant to talk. By this time, it's been non-stop days of this and Bilbo has finally had enough.
"What was that earlier?"
"It was as Thorin said, the forest is playing with us-"
She slaps him in frustration, "You lie to me again and it will be the last time I give you the chance to do so! I ask again: what is going on?"
"We argued. He's upset because i didn't talk with him about something."
"About what?"
He doesn't want to mention it to her and she relents.
"Fine, whatever is happening is your own business but he is family. We are lovers and we are in constant danger."
Fili seems to close up against her words and Bilbo feels as if she's losing against her own anger.
"Fili, you need to fix this. You two can't be fighting this way... It's too much. You gotta fix it."
He eventually confides that his long held secret is that he doesn't love Kili.
"I can't fix it, Bilbo! I can't! I don't love him!"
Bilbo is confused by Fili since he proclaimed so much before that he wanted all of them to be together. That he also wasn't jealous. But it's obvious that he couldn't be jealous of Kili because his affections were never quite that deep.
"I'm sorry... I just... I only did it to make him happy."
Bilbo is astounded by what she's hearing. She cannot believe that Fili is saying such things to her. He's so different than how he normally is. She contemplates momentarily how Fili so easily declares that he doesn't love Kili and gives him little thought and how this Fili seems to be telling the truth finally. Knowing that he's confessed to something heinous, Fili attempts to reach out to Bilbo to comfort her and himself but she pulls away.
"I'm disgusted by the sight of you right now."
- Bilbo returns to Thorin side after the conversation with Fili and is deeply confused and alarmed by what's been revealed.
"How did it go?"
"I don't even know what to think right now."
"Ah, he finally told you."
Bilbo looked at Thorin in surprise and quickly her expression fell to a resignation. "How long have you known?"
Thorin looks at her like that's a silly question. He's obviously known since the beginning.
"How can they live like that...?"
She thought of how Kili had to live with the knowledge that Fili couldn't love him back in the way he wanted but could give himself physically. She thought of Fili who wanted someone else in their relationship because his heart wanted to love someone, but he didn't want to leave his brother alone.
I thought of the part that Thorin played in it since it was obvious that he was intimate with both his nephews at their request.
"Carefully."
It was one simple word but it was heavy with all its implied meanings.
Bilbo stays awake that night due to the combination of thinking of the Durins and the ring. Thorin notices that she hasn't slept when he wakes up.
- The group trudges onward through the forest but soon begin to fight again. Bilbo figures out that an easy way to scout out their location would be to climb a nearby tree to the canopy above.
Bilbo goes to inform Thorin of this and the two are close briefly and share a romantic moment. Thorin is close enough to her to touch her but he ruins the moment by asking, "Do you hear whispering?"
Bilbo's blood runs cold with the question and her heart begins to race because all she can think to do is hide her knowledge of the ring.
The group is moody again and Bilbo goes up into the tree to scout out their location.
- Bilbo gets temporarily separated from the group due to the darkness in the forest.
She wakes alone in the woods to magic that guides her to the edges of the elven kingdom. She can see structures covered in decayed trees, moss and stuff that indicate that the kingdom was once a much larger compound.
Eventually hears the screaming and shouting of the company and runs back into the forest.
- The group is being attacked by spiders and she climbs up into the nest to try and rescue them.
She loses her ring to a spider and scene from DoS happens. She stabs spider over and over again and eventually starts laughing manically.
She's horrified by what she has just done because it was a baby and she had literally lost herself to her rage.
Notices distractedly that her fingers hurt and looks down at Sting and sees that under her fingernails there is blood present.
The group needs to run away from the spiders and Dwalin manages to grab her and carry her.
- When the group encounters the wood elves of Mirkwood, Dwalin lets Bilbo down sneakily. Using her ring, Bilbo sneaks away from the group.
"Dwalin suddenly realized that I was not close to him anymore and looked around wildly, "Laddie? Laddie!?" Through clenched teeth and a sharp claw against my cheek, I could hear his anxiety. But I couldn't help them if I got captured with them."
- Bilbo hears Kili exclaim out as he is attacked by a lone spider. Bilbo hearing this runs for him and sees Tauriel rescue the dwarf.
- Bilbo follows the group to Eryn Lasgalen and follows the dwarves when they meet Thranduil. Afterward, she wanders the kingdom in search of a suitable place to hide until dark and eventually some food.
-Unknowing of Bilbo's fate, Thorin is inside his cell and is restless. He wakes on the floor near the edge of the cell and stares ahead.
He thinks he hears or sees something and stares at Bilbo's spot for a long moment. "Bilbo?"
Relieved and needing some contact, Bilbo removes her ring and shuffles her body along the floor. Looking exhausted and worse for the wear, she looks as if she needs sleep desperately.
He immediately reaches out between the bars and holds her close, happiness and elation over her safety and how she can help them escape.
Eventually Bilbo leaves due to not being able to let her guard down while not wearing her ring.
"Wait!" Realizing that Thorin couldn't see if I had stopped or not, I kicked up some dust from the floor so that he would know that I was still there.
"...Come back soon."
- Bilbo spends the second night in Eryn Lasgalen. Finds Kili when she can't sleep.
Bilbo is in Mirkwood and speaking with Kili in his cell. He is ragged and tired looking from his exertions in the forest. He's by himself and thinking of his behavior while in the forest.
"She saved your life."
"That she did. She didn't like my implication that she should search my pants. Elves never did have the capacity for humor in them."
"You had fun with Elladan and Elrohir, remember?"
"Yeah..."
"You look miserable, Kili..."
"...I feel miserable."
Bilbo watches him for a moment, wanting to comfort such misery.
"I'm such an asshole. I want you to forgive me and I'm just so used to putting on airs to get what I want."
"Do you still think I'm generous, Bilbo?"
"Do you want me to say no?"
"Shouldn't you? They were right, Bilbo. All of them were. I am selfish... I should let you have them both but I don't want to. I don't want either of them to leave me. I can't help but need them. ...I'm so fucking selfish."
"You're not selfish, Kili."
"How can you still say that? I've been fighting with Fili about you to try and wedge you two apart and Thorin stopped listening to me because I tried to-"
"You're still generous to me, Kili, despite all the protests and want to be otherwise. You are."
"When I listen to you speak about Fili and Thorin, I feel adoration and love pouring from you. I feel it so keenly that it's unmistakable. So much love though and feeling them slip from you...I can understand how quickly that love turns to jealousy and the want to possess. For so long they have been by only your side. No one else has come close to making them want to take a step away from you so that they could share themselves with someone else. I understand."
"But... But I don't think you're selfish. Selfishness is saying that they can't be with me. You have never said that. Not once. You sit there and do not deny that you tried to wedge us apart but you leave it to them to decide. You do not tell them to abandon me. Selfishness doesn't do that. Generosity does that. You don't want to but you're giving them the continued ability to stay with whomever they choose. It forgives and tries to accept the way you have. The way you constantly have in the end after every fight."
Kili breaks down crying.
"Fuck... I'm so sorry, Bilbo. I'm so sorry."
He comes close to the bars and reaches for her and she accepts the gesture, pressing against the bars and holding him. He grips her so tightly through the bars that the metal hurts her.
She just holds him and lets herself be held, knowing that he needs it.
"Kili, you do know that I love you, right? I understand that you do not return my affection completely. I do not think less of you for it. I just want you to know that I do love you and that I'm on your side."
- Inside Thranduil's kingdom of Eryn Lasgalen, Bilbo has a dream while wearing the ring. She sees that all around her it's snowing. She reaches out to touch the snow and discovers that it's not snow but ash. Ash is falling from the sky and fire is in the sky.
As the fire gets closer and she can hear the evil behind it, she covers her ears because the noise she feels terrifies her so much. The fire distorts and molds into an eye. She wakes in fright, looking at the ring in her fingers like she has removed it.
- The ring has a deteriorating effect on Bilbo as the two weeks in Mirkwood pass.
Thorin asks her to pass a message to the rest of the company and she finds that she can't due to the ring's effect on her.
- Bilbo is walking along a hallway wearing the ring and just gets the sudden NEED to hide. She ducks behind a wall and into a small nestled place and covers her ears. She can feel something staring. It hurts horribly all along her arms and in her ears.
She takes off the ring and feels as if the feeling is passing. She gets up from her place and loses her balance after using the table to help her up. She looks at her hand and notices blood. She realizes that it's from her ear and looks in a nearby glass to see that a cut has appeared on her ear strangely. She thinks of Gandalf's earlier warning and what it could mean, this new injury. (For all our ears hear, we are the most blind.)
Bilbo thinks of Gandalf, and her dad.
She goes to see Thorin and he really looks at her and the state she's in.
"Are you alright? You look-" He stopped, shaking his head to rethink his question, "Did something happen?"
"No, not that I recall..."
"Recall...?" His fingers felt rough on my dirty cheeks, turning my face up so that he could catch the light better. His eyes scrutinized the state of my ears, the dulled expression on my face and he frowned briefly at the sight of freshly dried blood underneath my fingernails before asking, "When did you last sleep?"
My memory lurched back to when I tried to sleep and felt the stares of something hideous lurking in the shadows. The whispering. His eyes noted the minute trembling of my fingers but otherwise said nothing. He could tell that I had seen something but could do nothing to make me speak of it.
"I think it was yesterday..."
Thorin despairs secretly because the longer the group stays in Mirkwood the more Bilbo seems to be in a rough way.
- Bilbo encounters the room where Tauriel and Thranduil are speaking.
Tauriel tries to convince Thranduil that letting Thorin and his company go is the best course of action. If they are truly going to Erebor, then that will allow them to lessen the hold that evil has over Middle-Earth.
"Have you forgotten? A strain of madness runs deep in that family. His grandfather lost his mind, his father succumbed to the same sickness and you honestly think that Thorin Oakenshield will not also fall? No, he is safe here where he cannot wake any beast-"
Thranduil notices a shift of wind that is Bilbo and she remains silent out of fear of being caught.
"My Lord?"
"I have noticed something these past few days, something foul within these walls... I cannot figure out if it's those disgusting dwarves or the diseased forest leaking through my protection."
"Something foul?"
"Yes, though I am having trouble placing it."
"Are you sure it's not something in the forest? There has been a rush of activity lately...from more than just spiders."
"Yes, the orcs along the borders. I'm aware... This feels different though... It's...subtle. Like, something in the back of my mind." Thranduil's mind becomes distant in thought and memory, remembering faintly of the war of the one ring.
"My Lord?"
"Nothing. Just continue patrols as normal."
- After Bilbo manages to steal the keys from the guards, she accidentally bumps into Tauriel.
With the ring having slipped off, Tauriel fully sees Bilbo who has been roaming around the kingdom.
"Ahhh...that explains the strangeness that my Lord's been feeling lately."
Her and Bilbo talk briefly and Tauriel is urged to allow Bilbo to go and free the dwarves. They have to get to the mountain. Tauriel senses that Bilbo wants the same things she wants. A way for evil to be brought to heel.
She smiles and acts as if she saw nothing.