Chapter Twelve
Was this why…they were after me all this time? The immense heat and powerful blast of her father's transformation wafted over them, casting a fiery glow over the once-translucent cavern walls.
"Forget it, Historia!" Eren yells tearfully as she fumbles with the second key in the bundle she had stolen from her father. "Since that titan's from the Reiss family, just let him come and eat me! Get out of here and save yourself!"
Was his voice always this annoying?! She wonders through clenched teeth as her fingers work furiously at the locks. No wonder Jean never had any patience with him.
"Hell no!" She screams back.
"Why won't you listen to me?" He moans in exasperation.
"Just because I'm humanity's enemy doesn't mean I'm not your ally." She switches to the third key. A shocked gasp escapes her classmate as she feels him twist to face her. "I told you that the good girl Christa from our trainee days was dead and gone. I can't be a good girl anymore and I don't want to be a god either! I know it is selfish of me to leave this all on your shoulders, but…earlier when you broke down and called yourself a mistake, claiming you weren't needed I…anyone who ever feels that way…will always have an ally in me! No matter who, no matter where! I'll fly to your aid because I know…the scar that kind of rejection leaves." Eren gasps once more.
The lock binding his right foot springs free just as a mighty blast of scalding air sweeps Historia off her feet, sending her flying back with a shocked cry.
"HISTORIA!" Eren's voice rings out helplessly as she braces herself for the crash that never comes. A pair of strong hands wrap protectively around her, securing her against something warm and soft instead.
"Are you alright?!"
"Mikasa!" She gasps, not daring to believe what she was seeing. They turn in time to watch Captain Levi land directly behind Eren. Her heart leaps at the sight of him as he quickly surveys the situation before turning to face them.
"Give me the keys!" He calls out to her holding up his hand expectantly. She wordlessly complies, blinking back tears as her classmates rally around Eren's manacled form one by one.
Captain! Mikasa! Jean! Sasha! Connie! You guys came….
"Captain! You guys!" Eren sobs, shoulders trembling with guilt and gratitude. Captain Levi quickly fumbles with the binds on the dejected titan-shifter's left arm before lowering his hand, surrendering the chain of keys to Connie's waiting palm.
"Connie, hurry!" The Captain orders.
"P-please forget about me!" Eren begs once more. "Captain, please hurry up and escape."
"Shut up already you shirtless wimp!" Jean scolds through clenched teeth.
"He's loose!" Connie declares, handing the keys to Jean.
"Could it be?" Sasha's eyes are wide and fearful as she assesses the growing titan before them. "Could that be larger than the Colossal Titan?!"
"The ceiling!" Mikasa gasps. "Guys look out!" Historia reaches forward, heart racing madly as rubble begins to fall all around them.
Captain! No!
"Get the hell back!" Captain Levi roars as Jean releases Eren's final shackle. Relief floods the blonde's features as she watches their backs draw towards them.
"Shit, there's no way out now!" Jean cries out shielding his eyes from the intense blast. Her heart clenches painfully as Eren begins to tear up beside her, sinking to the floor with a defeated sob. Fear and trepidation are evident on each and every one of her friends' faces as they watch the abominable transformation continue unchecked, powerless to stop it.
"I'm sorry….everyone." Tears fall freely down the titan-shifter's cheeks as his shoulders tremble with the weight of his emotions. "I've been nothing but useless. Ever since the beginning—I was never the hope of humanity." His voice breaks at the last syllable as something on the floor distracts him.
"Quit feeling sorry for yourself already." Jean's voice is kinder and reassuring. "Since when did you ever accomplish anything on your own?"
"What a wimp," Connie scoffs. "We've lived through far worse than this. Remember Utgard castle?"
"Idiot! He wasn't with you guys at Utgard Castle!" Jean snaps turning to face the shorter cadet with an annoyed frown. "How can he remember something he never experienced?!"
"Still, these near-death experiences are really getting old, ya know!" Sasha whines with a frustrated shout.
"It's going to suck trying to make our way through all that crap." Connie continues with a discouraged smile.
"I'll take Eren." Mikasa volunteers without hesitation, releasing Historia's hand from hers.
"Hold on for your dear life," Jean informs the blonde with an urgent whisper. "We're going to haul ass if we're going to have a shot at making it through." She assents with a determined nod.
"But it's hopeless. We can't escape." Eren protests weakly. Historia sees red once more.
"So just give up?! Do you expect us to just hold hands and sing songs while we're crushed to death?!" She barks. "You think we deserve such a miserable fate because we're enemies of humanity?"
"You know," the blonde starts slightly as the Captain finally breaks his silence. "I hate doing this to you every time, Eren but…" he turns to face the titan-shifter with a mix of sympathy and regret. "You have to make the call." Eren exhales sharply through clenched teeth as he meets the Captain's gaze.
"Captain..." Historia murmurs in awed wonder as the titan-shifter's courage slowly but surely returns. Before any of them can make sense of what is going on, he snatches something from the floor and sprints towards the collapsing cliff with a mighty cry. There's a blinding flash of fiery lightning as Eren's titan form finally emerges.
"What…the?!"
"Everyone, get under Eren! Now!" The Captain roars, leading the charge. They all scramble to obey as the cavern collapses around them.
Captain…if this is how it ends then I—
"Captain I—!" The deafening crash of rubble drowns out the rest of the blonde's sentence as she rushes to the Captain's side. At first, he stiffens when her hands close around his shirt before losing his balance and falling on top of her. She clings to him for dear life, burying her face into his powerful chest as she snakes a leg around him, holding him flush against her body.
Tears stream down her cheeks as she plants a chaste kiss on his exposed collarbone. His strong hands wrap protectively around her as she feels him angle his body as if to shield her from any falling debris.
"Are you alright?" At first, she doesn't respond as the earsplitting collapse finally ceases after some time. The Captain is watching her expectantly as tears of joy stream down her cheeks. Small hands move from their place around his chest to the back of his neck, gently coaxing his face closer. He resists, pulling her fingers apart instead as he slowly but surely extricates himself from her grasp, rising to survey the condition of their comrades. "Sound off, if you're not dead."
Sasha Braus' stomach growls loudly in response as Connie and Jean groan and grumble clumsily.
"Eren!" Mikasa cries out, flying towards the crystallized shell of Eren's titan form towering above them. Jean rises to follow her as Connie helps Sasha to her feet.
"Amazing," Connie gasps, hazel eyes wide as he surveys the crystallized dome around them. "Eren created all this?!"
"Sasha, can you try to find a way topside?" The Captain asks pausing briefly to help Historia to her feet. The ravenous redhead nods before taking off.
"I'll help her, Captain!" Connie calls out, taking off after her.
Historia moves to join the Captain as he watches Jean and Mikasa hack away at the crystallized titan's nape.
"Are Armin and the others—?"
"Alive," he informs her quietly. "Hange got injured on the way here so I had him and Moblit take her outside."
"I see. I'm so glad you all survived." She sighs wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes.
"Nifa, Richard, and Sean weren't so lucky though." The pain in his voice is palpable as she bows her head in mournful silence. "When we saw the flash of orange, we thought Eren had transformed. What was that titan? Was it Kenny?" The blonde shakes her head quietly.
"It was my father…" she replies. "Rod Reiss." He turns to face her, grayish-blue eyes rapt and attentive. She quietly fills him in on her father's scheme and allegations against Dr. Jaeger.
"I see." Is his only response when she is done talking.
"Captain I—" He turns to face her once more. "Kenny Ackermann claims that he raised you and taught you everything you know."
"Not everything." The Captain qualifies without elaboration.
"So it's true?" Pale eyes are wide with disbelief as her shoulders tremble.
"You seem shocked," he observes with a cynical chuckle. "Is it really so hard to believe that I was raised by a homicidal maniac?"
"Your childhood must have been hellish." Concern laces her voice as she reaches for him.
"Don't!" He hisses sharply beneath his breath, walking away from her with a pointed glare.
"P-please, don't shut me out!" She implores snatching his sleeve. "Don't walk away." He turns towards her with a deep, steadying breath before responding.
"Take a look around you and get a fucking clue!" Surprise racks over her as she remembers Kenny Ackermann's almost identical expression earlier. "I don't have time to deal with your fucking bullshit." She winces as he wrenches his sleeve from her grasp.
He's right. She realizes with a guilty bow of her head. We're not out of the woods yet and here I am selfishly shoving my needs over everyone else's. I can't imagine the emotional toll confronting a demon like Kenny Ackermann must have taken on him. Coupled with the guilt of our fallen comrades and the burden of protecting the others while rescuing Eren and I. It's enough to drive anyone insane!
Jean and Mikasa pull Eren's unconscious frame from the crystallized figure's neck, gently lowering him unto the cavern floor as he begins to stir. Historia clutches her hands reverently before her as the Captain surveys the towering titan with an impressed nod. Sasha and Connie return moments later to guide the group towards the opening they both managed to secure. They quickly regroup with the others before hurrying after the gigantic abomination crawling in the distance. A relieved Commander Ervin meets them along the way before departing to rally the troops as he prepares a counterattack.
Historia listens quietly, hands clutched meekly on her lap as Eren and the others piece together the information gleaned from their time in captivity. With every word from the titan-shifter's mouth, she feels her own shame and guilt grow until she is forced to speak out in his defense.
"You are forgetting our other option," she informs the group. "Your current plan is full of mistakes and risks we can't afford to take. First, you're working on the assumption that you can undo Rod Reiss' brainwashing when in fact we have no assurance that is even possible. Assuming we somehow manage to get him to eat Eren, we'll never be able to truly restrain him."
"What do you mean?" Section Commander Hange wonders.
"He has the ability to alter and suppress memories at will," she replies. "I know this because I've experienced it firsthand. If he somehow manages to alter humanity's memories then all this would have been for nothing! There are far too many factors about the Founding Titan we're either unaware or unsure of. We've come this far to get careless and risk it all on an asinine gamble."
"You're right." Armin agrees, prompting her to face him. "Even if Rod Reiss eats Eren, there's no guarantee he'll return to normal."
"Exactly," she shifts in her seat to face the Captain who is watching her with an inscrutable expression. "Even if Rod Reiss eats Eren and returns to normal, we've seen how content his family has been to let humanity wallow in this hellish existence. Why would he and his allies stop now? Thanks to Dr. Jaeger, we have a once in a lifetime opportunity to free humanity from the throes of perdition." When Eren gasps in surprise, she turns to face him instead. "His actions might have been cruel and vicious but they were necessary in light of the alternative."
"Father." Eren clutches his head in disbelief.
"That's right!" Armin chimes in. "Dr. Jaeger wasn't the type of person who acted rashly."
"Exactly," Mikasa agrees. "Even without Reiss blood, there must be some other way of unlocking the Founding Titan's true abilities to save humanity. It must have something to do with what he left behind in the basement." Relief flashes in Eren's striking green eyes as he turns to face the blonde once more. She gives him a small smile of encouragement.
"What basement?" Sasha mumbles distractedly earning incredulous glares from Jean and Connie riding beside her. "Oh, that whole thing? You mean it's actually important?!"
"Yeah," Jean replies. "Now we have a way of plugging up the hole in Wall Maria. The way I see it returning to the basement is our only choice."
"Well, that makes life a hell of a lot easier, for sure." Captain Levi muses dryly.
"Not that it matters but I actually agree with that decision." The Section Commander winces slightly as she turns to address Historia. "But are you sure about this Historia. Think carefully. We can't exactly have a titan like that wandering around within the walls and restraining him is completely out of the question given how much trouble we had restraining the Female Titan even though she was a tenth of his size." Historia's eyes widen as the eccentric scout lifts her bloody finger to point at the glowing monstrosity crawling in the distance. "We'll have to kill your father and there's no way around it."
Words fail her as she remembers the warmth of his embrace the night they were reunited for the first time. She remembers the joy and relief of finally feeling wanted and needed after a lifetime of humiliation and rejection.
"Eren, forgive me." She turns to face her classmate, blonde head bowed in shame. "That moment in the cavern, when he asked me to eat you…I actually considered it—no, I wanted to do it. Not to save humanity but to fulfill my own selfish desire for acceptance and validation. Even though I barely knew him, and part of me still struggled to grasp his real motives and intentions, a part of me—perhaps the part that I inherited from him—still longed to please him. To help him realize his dreams at any cost. I'm such a failure…desperately clinging to others and blindly accepting their dreams and motivations never daring to carve a path for myself."
"H-Historia." Eren watches as she turns to face him, pale eyes narrowed in defiance.
"That changes now!" She declares. "It's time to say goodbye. If the future of humanity depends on me sacrificing my father…I will gladly be the one who strikes the killing blow. After all," her tone softens as her shoulders sink. "It's the least I can do after all you guys have been through on my account."
When they finally arrive at the Garrison Headquarters in Orvud District, Historia and Mikasa help Section Commander Hange off the wagon as the others alight from their horses. A Garrison officer approaches the Captain with orders for him to gather his squad in the main hall for the strategy meeting.
"Historia." Captain Levi calls out approaching her as she jumps off the wagon. "Forgot to tell you, when all this is over there's something we need you to do."
"Yes?" She asks quietly turning to face him.
"When the battle's over, as the true successor to the throne you are to assume your rightful place as Queen." Her jaw drops as her comrades collectively gasp in shock.
"Huh?" She gasps foolishly as she studies his features for any sign of amusement or insincerity.
She finds none.
"Q-queen? H-Historia?" Sasha sputters.
"The coup d'état was only the beginning." The Captain explains. "The people need the stability and assurance of the true royal bloodline during these turbulent times. They will revolt if the military retains control. We cannot afford any unnecessary distractions or casualties during this delicate time. We need a story to spread that will distract and quell any lingering resentment the coup might have stirred allowing us to focus our efforts and attention on reclaiming Wall Maria. They will accept the truth that the true heir supplanted the imposter."
"I—" her gaze falls as the feeling fades from her body.
Why? Does he hate me so much that he would ask this of me now? Was it because of what happened after the cave's collapse? Is this his way of rejecting my feelings for him? Surely he knows that if I accept this new role thrust upon me our futures…our lives will never intersect.
"Um, Captain?" Connie Springer is the first to speak up. "I'm sure you heard what Historia said earlier, but…well, uh, by finally leaving her father…I guess you could say that she shed the burden of the Reiss name…and yet again…" he trails off finally losing his nerve as the Captain shifts his attention to him.
"If you have something to say, spit it out already," Captain Levi snaps, inadvertently silencing her bald classmate for good.
"What Connie's trying to say is…"Jean steps forward. "Historia finally found herself by breaking free from the Reiss family name. For the first time in her life she's finally in control of her own destiny and identity…f-forcing her into another role…it just seems especially cruel to her."
"I'll do it." Jean starts as the blonde finally breaks her silence. The Captain turns to watch her as she addresses the ground beneath them. "My next role is to be queen…so be it."
"Historia," Armin gasps sympathetically. Although she turns to face him directly, her words were meant for the entire group.
"I appreciate your concern," she smiles. "But this is my decision. I'm the only one who can say if it is a burden too great to bear. However," she turns to meet the Captain's gaze now with a determined frown. "If I'm to do this, I do have one condition, Captain."
"I'm listening." He tilts his head slightly to the side as he watches her.
"I want an opportunity to lay it all on the line, one final time." She demands. "I want to fight at your side!" A stunned silence hangs in the air around them as all eyes turn to watch the Captain.
"As you wish." He sighs turning away. For a moment, Historia wonders if she had imagined the relief reflected in his eyes as he moved to lead the way. Perhaps he had expected a different request.
She retreats indoors and quickly finds a clean uniform and some equipment to change into. Pride swells her chest as she examines her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Unsheathing her flesh-paring blade experimentally, she extends her arm with a small flourish.
At last. My arm is complete again! Adrenaline surges through her as she emerges from the bathroom. She marches down the hallway towards the main meeting hall with steady, confident strides. Although her heart races madly beneath her chest, she feels a burst of inner strength steadily rising within her. The meeting is about to begin as she walks into the hall, taking her place directly behind the Captain.
For the first time in my life…this feels right…for the first time in my life, I am exactly where I want to be. Where I'm meant to be.
"When you're Queen you can punch that pipsqueak around as much as you like," Mikasa whispers with a conspiratorial smirk prompting the blonde to flush ever so slightly as she shifts her attention to the Captain's back.
"I'm sure Levi's already told you," Commander Ervin says by way of greeting as he approaches the blonde's back. "Assuming we live through this, you'll have to take your place as the rightful ruler within the walls." Her hands stop moving as she listens patiently. "Naturally, having you on the frontlines poses a problem. I'll have to ask you to reconsider."
"I respectfully decline, sir." She returns forcefully meeting his gaze. "Anyone who thinks that the people will blindly follow a new ruler in name only is either deluding themselves or hasn't been paying attention lately." She explains, borrowing the Captain's words to her from several days ago. The crown of her blonde head barely reaches his shoulder as she rises to her feet.
"What exactly are you hoping to accomplish by doing this?" He mutters narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
"I'm saying that the people need an example to follow," she explains. "Our regime is new and we have no way of proving my claims to the throne without revealing the monstrous acts of the Reiss family. Our enemies know this and will be quick to challenge us at the first chance they get. We can weaken their position whilst strengthening ours by giving the people hope in a warrior queen who leads humanity from the frontlines as opposed to from the comfort of her gilded chambers."
"I understand your reasons," Commander Ervin remarks firmly. "But I cannot approve you to enter combat."
"Captain, please—" She blurts out before catching herself.
"Captain?" The imposing blond repeats quietly watching her with a studious frown.
"I mean Commander." She amends. "I've finally realized the duty I was born to fulfill. That's why I am here right now!"
He turns away from her with a tired sigh, turning his attention instead to the monstrosity charging below.
"Whilst I suspect that there is another motive behind your decision to defy me today," he begins. "It's not like I'm exactly in any condition to stop you with my current body."
"I'm sorry for being so selfish," she apologizes quietly. "But…this is the first time I've gone against my parents. This is my first fight, with my father. I need this, Commander. Please." Commander Ervin wordlessly walks away leaving her alone to stare after him.
Moments later as she and her comrades take to the skies, blades drawn in preparation for the final assault, she recalls the Commander's words on the wall and feels a knot grow in her stomach.
"…let the past die. Kill it, if you must. When the moment comes—and believe me it will—you cannot let it slip by."
Captain! Her heart races madly as she flies past a stunned Jean and Connie, pale eyes transfixed on a flying mass of blood and bone. Am I so simple? Am I so transparent? He must have seen right through me. For all my bravado…am I not still chasing another man's love and approval?
Gritting her teeth, she twists her petite frame into a wide arc, sweaty palms grasping the handle of her trigger.
Broke my bones for you! I was willing to kill my humanity for you! Anger surges through her as she recalls that terrible moment when her conviction wavered and she honestly entertained the thought of devouring a comrade she had suffered through hell with for the approval of a man she barely knew.
Dreaming of…breathing for…wishing for the good life…a life where I could stand at his side as his beloved daughter, free from shame, finally worthy to bear his name. A feral growl builds in the back of her throat as her eyebrows furrow in concentration. She pushes her thoughts aside, desperately trying to move past the weight settling into her shoulders as she closes in on her mark. It's never enough…I'm never complete! He dares me to prove...expecting me to lose…when he clearly thinks that I'm inferior …hoping for more…settling for less…when I didn't care was when I lived best! I'm never enough! I'm never complete! If I lose it all, right here, right now…at least I'll be free!
No! She rips through the last vestiges of her father's tyranny with a mighty roar as she remembers that tender moment pressed between the Captain and his bedroom door. It seemed like a lifetime ago when she had first noticed his sleeping form splayed bare before her in the cottage bathtub. He set off a dream in me…I am brave. I am bruised! This is who I'm meant to be! I deserve his love! There's nothing I'm not worthy of!
A ferocious blast knocks her out of the sky as flashes of her father's fading life flicker before her eyes. Tears stream down her cheeks as something soft breaks her fall. Her breath escapes her in low winded gasps as she struggles to collect herself. It takes her a moment to recognize the soft sobs emanating from her parted lips as she lifts her forearm to shield her eyes from the rising sun.
Was that all in my head? Am I really doing this of my own accord? Or am I doing this to earn his love? She wonders finally stirring after a taking a long moment to regain her wits. A crowd of stunned onlookers watches as she slowly but surely coaxes her petite frame into an upright position. I don't know…but…the one always going with the flow…without a doubt…has always been me.
"I am," she declares pulling herself to her full height. "Historia Reiss. The true ruler of the walls!"
Shockwaves reverberate through the city as word of the fair Queen's descent from the sky spreads like wildfire. The crowd presses around the petite blonde as she notices her comrades land around her and moves to join them.
"The gods have returned to us!" Someone cries thankfully clutching their hands high in the air as the dainty monarch jumps down from the wagon she had landed on. Several bodies press eagerly against her as people scramble to gaze and grab at the majestic apparition before them. It takes Commander Ervin's personal intervention to finally extricate her from the clamoring crowd, whisking her away into a waiting carriage.
"I must admit Commander Smith," Dhalis Zachary notes with an amused smile. "You certainly have a flair for the dramatic."
"I had nothing to do with that." The Commander informs the Premier shifting ever so slightly to nod in Historia's direction. The carriage jostles visibly as the growing crowd cheers and chases after them. "Had it been up to me, she would have never seen any actual combat."
"I see." The Premier chuckles turning towards the petite blonde. "We are entirely in your debt. Thanks to your theatrics just now, our coup just gained some much-needed legitimacy and support."
"Theatrics?" The blonde repeats with a small scowl. "I meant every word of my speech back there, sir."
"Naturally," the Premier replies simply.
"Where are we going now?" She wonders after turning to find the Commander watching her carefully.
"To the capital," He replies bluntly.
"Aren't we going to wait for the others?" She gasps taken aback.
"Captain Levi is leading a squad back to the Reiss chapel to round up any military police officers who might have survived the collapse." Commander Ervin informs her with an astute frown.
Is it really that obvious? She wonders, sinking against her seat, suddenly self-conscious of the watchful eyes trailing her movements. But then again…isn't that what I wanted now? She remembers Eren's comments in the cottage about preferring her newly-found honesty over her pretentious alter ego. No. I'm done hiding and I'm done pretending!
"Commander," the blond scout turns towards her attentively. "There's something else I desire in exchange for my compliance."
"I'm listening." Judging by his expression, he had anticipated such a request long ago.
"Captain Levi Ackermann."
Author's Note: You guys sure know how to spoil a girl. Thanks so much for the kind and enthusiastic support. Certain pieces of dialogue and most of Historia's thoughts were inspired by lyrics of the following songs:
Free by Broods;
Sweet Dreaming by Young Wonder;
This is Me and Never Enough, from the Greatest Showman Official Movie Soundtrack.