Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.
Re-written on 5th January 2019.
Ash felt cold.
Ash felt empty.
Ash felt weak.
Everything was dark, Ash couldn't see a thing.
"Am I… Am I dead?" Ash wondered, looking around in the darkness.
He tried to walk forwards a few steps, but nothing seemed to happen.
Then, all of a sudden, a blinding white light appeared in the distance, seemingly heading towards Ash at an alarming rate.
The light became so strong that Ash had to close his eyes, and shield them with his arm, leaning away from the light.
After a few moments the light faded away, and Ash cracked his eyes open.
There was a figure standing in front of him.
Ash moved his arm down and tried to focus his eyes on the person in front of him.
Ash gasped.
Giovanni was smiling warmly at his son, a light seemed to emit from Giovanni's body, but he looked exactly the same.
"Hello son," Giovanni said, his voice radiating in Ash's head, spreading warmth and life throughout his body.
"D-Dad!" Ash stuttered, "Am… Am I dead?" Ash asked, his eyes open wide in shock. Giovanni shook his head.
"No, son, you are in limbo… or a coma, one of the two," Giovanni replied, "You've done a rather stupid thing, haven't you?" Giovanni asked.
Ash lowered his head.
"My life isn't the same without you," Ash replied, quietly, Giovanni frowned.
"Ash, just because I'm not there, doesn't mean I'm not there," Giovanni said, making Ash raise his head and look at his father in confusion.
"What do you mean?" Ash asked, Giovanni smiled at Ash's question.
"I'm always with you, Ash," Giovanni said, "I'm always with you, and your mother, watching over you," Giovanni added, still smiling brightly at Ash.
"My whole life seems colder without you though," Ash said, lowering his head again, feeling tears building in his eyes.
Giovanni frowned.
"Ash… You're needed elsewhere," Giovanni said briefly, making Ash look up at him once more,
"Your time will come for us to meet again, but not for many years," Giovanni added.
"But…" Ash said, gulping.
"No buts, Ash," Giovanni replied, stepping forward and placing a hand on Ash's shoulder.
Giovanni's hand radiated warmth, which spread throughout Ash's body once more.
"Ash… You have a future, an amazing future, you have to go back," Giovanni said, looking Ash directly in the eyes.
"You are loved, by so many," Giovanni added, making sure Ash was listening to every word he said, "You can't leave your mother behind, you can't leave your Pokémon behind, especially Pikachu," Giovanni said. As he spoke, images of the people he mentioned appeared in the background behind him.
Ash felt himself tearing up again.
"But I need you…" Ash said quietly, "You've always been there, and now you're not, and I don't know what meaning my life has anymore…" Ash muttered, a lone tear falling down his face.
Giovanni lifted Ash's head up and wiped the tear, sending more waves of warmth into Ash.
"You give meaning to someone else's life," Giovanni said, smiling at Ash, who looked confused.
May's face appeared in the background.
"You're everything to her, Ash," Giovanni said, "She had an extra present for you, but I'll leave that to her," Giovanni hinted, smirking slyly.
"Ash, you give everyone's lives meaning, and that's a gift, a gift that the world needs," Giovanni explained, "You need to go back, you need to be there for your mother, for your Pokémon, for May," Ash started to smile slightly as Giovanni spoke.
"You need to follow in my footsteps, no, you need to surpass my legacy," Giovanni said, standing up straight, "You are going to be amazing, Ash," Giovanni said, "You are going to shine so, so bright."
"And I'm going to be there watching, and cheering you on, every. Single. Step," Giovanni said, his voice oozing with pride, as he said the last three words clearly.
By the end of his speech, Ash was beaming back at his father.
"I'll make you proud, dad," Ash promised, clenching a fist determinedly.
"You make me proud every day, son," Giovanni replied, smiling brightly back at Ash.
"I love you, dad," Ash said, feeling tears burn his eyes once more.
"I love you more, son," Giovanni replied, and the two embraced.
Ash felt warm.
Ash felt complete.
Ash felt strong.
-IYSCMN-
Ash awoke to the sound of voices, and a piercing headache.
He daren't open his eyes, for fear of the pure burning sensation that undoubtedly lay ahead for his eyes.
He could just about pick out voices.
"Is he going to be okay?"
His mum, without a doubt.
"Yes, ma'am, we just received the results of his tests, no lasting damage, just the wait for him to wake up, and then the long road of mental recovery," a male voice replied.
Must be the doctor, Ash assumed.
"And he's definitely going to be okay?"
May.
"Yes, Ash will be fighting fit before you know it," the male voice replied again.
"Thank you doctor, thank you so much!" Delia said, Ash could tell that both his mum and May had been crying, their voices sounded strained and choked up.
"May, do you mind sitting with him for a bit? I desperately need some air, and a drink," Delia said, sounding frail.
"Of course, Delia, this must be really tough for you," May replied, Ash could tell that May was worried about his mum, from May's tone of voice.
"I should have seen it coming… Ash and Giovanni were so close, I should've seen this coming a mile off," Delia said, making Ash feel guilty.
His mum had been there for him almost as much as his dad, and with the loss of Giovanni, Ash should've stepped up as the man of the house, and comforted his mother.
But instead Ash crumbled like a rock.
"I won't be too long," Delia added, before Ash heard a door open up and shut again.
Ash heard May sigh.
"Ohh Ash… Why wouldn't you let me help you?" May asked.
Ash heard footsteps, and then the squeak of a chair moving forward.
May cupped Ash's right hand in both of hers.
"This all could've been avoided if you'd spoken to us…" May said, her voice barely above a whisper, but just loud enough for Ash to hear.
"Please come back to us, Ash," May begged, Ash felt her hands shaking, and her voice sounded restrained.
She was crying.
"I need you, Ash," May sobbed, squeezing Ash's hand in hers.
Giovanni's words echoed through Ash's head.
You're everything to her Ash, she had an extra present for you, but I'll leave that to her.
"Please, Ash… I love you," May confessed, still crying, Ash felt weight placed on his right shoulder, and a tingling sensation across his face.
May was resting her head on his shoulder.
Realisation struck Ash like a lightning bolt.
Please, Ash… I love you.
"She… She loves me…" Ash thought, he smirked slightly.
May's eyes widened in shock as she felt one of her hands being squeezed back.
Her head shot up and she stared at Ash, hope and expectation shining in her sapphire eyes.
"I love you too, May," Ash whispered back, just loudly enough for May to hear, before he cracked open his right eye, and smirking slightly.
Ash could see May's jaw drop, and his eye focused in more, and he ignored the searing sensation that was building in that eye.
May's hair was a mess, her eyes were bloodshot and she looked pale.
But not to Ash.
To Ash she looked gorgeous.
"Ash!" May squealed, leaping forward and embracing Ash tightly, an embrace that Ash happily returned.
May pulled back sharply, as something tweaked in her head.
"You… You love me?" She asked happily, a smile breaking out on her face.
"I love you, May," Ash replied, firmly, smiling back at May.
May's hand shot to her mouth, but it couldn't hide the huge smile building beneath.
In one swift movement, May moved that hand from in front of her mouth, to Ash's left cheek, and then brought her lips to his.
It was a short, sweet kiss.
Unfortunately for the love-struck pair, the kiss was interrupted by a gasp, and something hitting the floor, spilling its contents all over the floor.
The two pulled apart to see a shocked Delia standing in the doorway, and a cup of tea spilt all over the floor.
Ash and May blushed slightly at the smile that swiftly overrode the look of shock.
"Ashy! You're awake!" Delia said excitedly, rushing over and embracing her son.
"I'm so sorry mum, May, I really am," Ash said quietly, as he hugged his mum back.
"There's no need to be sorry, Ash, we're just glad you're okay," May replied, placing a hand on Ash's right shoulder, smiling supportively at him.
"Thanks May," Ash replied, smiling back.
"So!" Delia said, pulling back, "when's the wedding you two?" Delia asked slyly, smirking and winking at the flustered teens.
"MUM!" Ash shouted, heavy blushes quickly moving onto the two teens faces, "I haven't even had a chance to ask May to be my girlfriend yet, let alone my fiancée!" Ash exclaimed, before his hand shot to his mouth.
May's blush reddened further, and Delia smirked at Ash
"I was winding you up, Ash, but if you want May to be your fiancée, that's fine by me," Delia teased, winking once more, as the teens blushes deepened again.
Ash shook it off, before turning to May.
"May, will you be my girlfriend," Ash said firmly, smiling brightly at May, whilst taking her hand in his.
"Of course I will, Ash," May said happily, smiling back at Ash, squeezing his hand in response.
The two shared another short kiss as Delia squealed in the background.
"My Ashy's got a girlfriend!" Delia squealed, almost jumping up and down.
Ash just rolled his eyes.
"Make me proud, Ash, I know you will," A voice rang out in Ash's head, his eyes widened in shock.
It was his father's voice.
Ash glanced out the window and noticed a bright rainbow coloured bird fly by, looking directly at
Ash as it passed.
It was Ho-Oh.
Ash understood in that moment what his father had meant.
I'm always with you, and your mother, watching over you.
Ash smiled.
"My dad was being honest… He always will be watching me," Ash thought to himself, still smiling.
He refocused on May, who was smiling at him, and his smile widened in return.
"I love you, May," Ash said, a warm feeling building up as he stared at his girlfriend.
"I love you too, Ashy," May replied with a little giggle.
-IYCSMN-
"And that's what I experienced whilst I was passed out," Ash said, letting out a heavy and tired breath.
The psychiatrist in front of him smiled softly.
"Thank you for telling me that, Ash, that's very brave of you," He commented.
The psychiatrist, Mr. Meadowfield, as Ash recalled seeing on the door leading into the office, was leaning back in his chair, with very relaxed, but attentive body language, dressed in a sharp black suit.
Ash took a sip of the water that was on the table in front of him, nodding and offering a small smile to Meadowfield's comment, and leant back in his own chair.
"But if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a bit more about the events leading up to this," Meadowfield suggested. "You've mentioned already about how close you and your father were, would you mind telling me how your negative feelings started?"
Ash sighed loudly, rubbing his forehead with his left hand.
"Honestly, Ash, take your time," Meadowfield said softly. "I want you to be as comfortable as possible. The whole reason we are here is to make sure you leave here feeling on the road to recovery."
Ash smiled at the man in front of him. It didn't last long as he recalled how he had been feeling since Giovanni had passed away.
"Well… It all started when my father had his heart attack…" Ash said quietly, looking down at the floor. "And then on my eighteenth birthday, my mum gave me his watch that he always used to wear." Ash indicated to the watch that was strapped onto his left wrist.
"And then I got a new phone, as my old one had been broken since the day of my dad's death, and once I'd turned it on, and all the messages and voicemails and missed calls had come up, one stood out," Ash explained, still not looking up at the psychiatrist.
"Was there one from your father?" Meadowfield asked, Ash nodded slowly, still not making eye contact, "And then what happened?"
"I snapped," Ash said briefly, "It felt like something had snapped in my mind, and I just felt I couldn't live without him."
"So I bought alcohol, and paracetamol tablets, and curled up next to him to die," Ash said honestly, "It was my girlfriend who found me there," Ash added, finally making eye contact with the man sat across from him.
"Did your girlfriend not offer herself as someone to talk to, when you started feeling depressed?" the psychiatrist asked, taking notes as Ash spoke.
"Well, to be fair to her, she wasn't my girlfriend at the time, plus, I secluded myself from society, locked myself away in my bedroom," Ash answered, lightly scratching his arm as he explained.
"Aaah, I see," the psychiatrist said, nodding his head, writing down notes in response to what Ash had just said.
"I'm sure she would have, had I allowed anyone to help me," Ash added, "I just sat in my room writing music, ninety-nine per cent of it about my dad…" Ash said, rubbing his forehead with his right hand.
"Yes, I was forwarded some of this music by your mother… World So Cold stood out a lot to me," Meadowfield replied, once again browsing his notes.
It had been Delia and May who had requested Ash see the psychiatrist about his suicide attempt, they had taken charge of the situation and arranged everything for him. Ash couldn't have been more grateful
Ash nodded to Meadowfield's previous comment.
"It did to me too," Ash said, "To be honest, I felt like the best way to communicate how I was feeling was to turn it into a song, at the time, it didn't feel like I could explain how I was feeling through normal words," Ash explained.
"And then it says here you turned to drink, what was your reasoning for this?" Meadowfield asked softly, again, flicking through his notes for the information.
"It… It gave me another sensation other than crippling sadness…" Ash answered. "Instead of just
feeling empty and hollow, like a shell, it at least made me feel," Ash added, lowering his head to look at the floor as he spoke.
"And then came the attempted suicide?" the psychiatrist asked as gently as he could, Ash nodded.
"My girlfriend and I, who was still my friend at the time, went out for the day, I was starting to feel like I could laugh and joke again, but then it all came crashing down at my surprise party," Ash explained.
The psychiatrist raised his eyebrows in interest, taking notes throughout Ash's speeches.
"I think I mentioned it before, but my mum gave me his watch as my eighteenth birthday present," Ash explained, the psychiatrist nodded.
"And then the voicemail?" the psychiatrist asked, it was Ash's turn to nod, "Do you mind me asking what it said?"
"Well, the voicemail was actually from the morning of my exam… Valentine's Day… The day that my father actually passed away," Ash explained quietly, looking at the floor again.
"I understand how tough this is for you Ash, and I understand if you feel like you can't tell me what the voicemail said," the psychiatrist said softly, smiling warmly at Ash, who glanced up at the man in front of him.
Ash took a deep breath, and reached into his pocket, pulling out his mobile.
"You have no new messages, key 1 for saved messages," Ash's phone said, as Ash dialled in the voicemail number.
"Saved messages."
Ash glanced up at the psychiatrist, who was listening intently.
"Hey Ashy, it's your dad, can't get hold of you, seems you've forgotten to charge your phone or something, typical you!" Ash's phone read out the message, exactly in Giovanni's voice, Ash started to tear up at hearing the message once again, "Just wanted to wish you luck for your exam today kiddo, I'll see you later for dinner, I love you champ!"
A few tears rolled silently down Ash's face at the sound of his father's voice, but he quickly wiped them away with his sleeve, before sliding his phone back in his pocket, and looking up at the psychiatrist.
"I was always brought up to be respectful and show manners, and ever since I can remember, so-called "last words," have been important to me," Ash explained, his voice sounding restrained, "My dad's last ever words to me were "I love you champ"… I couldn't hope for any better," Ash said, looking the psychiatrist straight in the eyes as he spoke, "My last words to him were "night dad, see you in the morning, love you," as I went to bed the night before… But I never saw him in the morning," Ash lowered his head once again as he spoke, letting the tears slip down his face.
"Thank you for playing it Ash, that took a lot of courage," Meadowfield responded, leaning forward and placing a reassuring hand on Ash's shoulder.
"Thank you…" Ash mumbled.
"And having heard your story, I'm not sure you're going to need any further sessions with me, young man," Meadowfield finished, whilst he was making his final notes on his clipboard. He glanced up at Ash with a small smile.
Ash's jaw dropped. Meadowfield placed his clipboard on the arm of his chair and leant back, making eye contact with Ash.
"Really?" Ash asked, his surprise full evident in his tone.
"Really, I think you have people around you and close to you who will look after you and provide you with the support you need," the psychiatrist answered, smiling as he sat back in his chair.
"So, no more sessions?" Ash asked, still trying to register what he had been told.
"Your doctor will monitor you with a couple of sessions around three months apart, but you certainly don't need my help, you're firmly on the road to recovery and have the people around you to help you complete that road," the psychiatrist explained, still smiling as he spoke.
"You've had the closure you need to make a full recovery, your conversation with your father has helped you come to terms with his passing, obviously, you'll never truly get passed it, no one does, but it will certainly not end up like this again," the psychiatrist finished, before standing up, buttoning up his suit jacket as he did so.
Ash stood up too.
"Thank you so much, sir, it's been good to talk about everything… I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders, somewhat," Ash said honestly, reaching out and shaking the psychiatrists hand.
"It's been my pleasure, Ash, and I have no concerns about you at all, you're going to be a fine young gentleman," the psychiatrist replied, accepting Ash's handshake.
"Thank you, sir," Ash thanked, blushing slightly at the complement.
"I wish you all the best with your life, and look forward to seeing what you accomplish," the psychiatrist said, guiding Ash towards the door.
"Honestly, sir, thank you for your help," Ash thanked, as he opened the door to leave.
"It's been my pleasure, Ash," the psychiatrist replied, "farewell."
"Bye!" Ash called back as he left the room and shut the door behind him.
Ash walked into the room two hours previous, anxious, but, he left the room feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, like a new man.
Ash felt like he was going to become the man his father wanted him to be.
Ash smiled as he walked through the corridor and into the waiting room, where he spotted May waiting patiently in the chair nearest the exit.
May noticed Ash leaving and smiled up at him, before bouncing up off her seat and walking towards him, the two met in the middle of the room in a tight embrace.
"All clear," Ash mumbled into May's head.
"I never doubted you," May replied, before pulling away slightly and smiling up at Ash, who returned the gesture.
"Where's Pi? I thought he was coming with you?" Ash asked, looking around for his faithful Pokémon companion.
"He's waiting in the car with Eevee and your mum, we all came to get you," May replied, smiling at Ash, as she turned so she was side on with him, and linked her left hand into his right.
"Come on, Ashy, let's go home," May said, squeezing Ash's hand and smiling up at him.
Ash smiled back happily, and the duo walked out of the psychiatrists office, and out onto the street, where Ash could see his mum, Pikachu and Eevee waiting in the car across the street.
Ash turned and shut the door behind him, smiling at it, feeling like he had shut all his troubles and torments behind the door.
A fresh start, a new start.
A life to live, and a bright love to live that life with.
Ash Ketchum and May Maple.
"I love you, Ash," May said spontaneously, beaming up at her boyfriend, who smiled back.
"I love you too, May."
THE END.
-ORIGINAL AN-
There it is.
Did you like it? Did I rush Ash's recovery a little too much?
REVIEWS:
Bronski: Thank you for your review, and I must apologise for putting you in a mood, I hope that mood passed!
L'assassin orange: Dude, AWESOME name! Wow… Thank you so much! I'm really happy that I was able to make this story so emotional; it was a really vital aspect to make the story work, thank you so much!
Ultratron562: As soon as you reviewed this (first on the chapter), I knew I had to do this final chapter (excluding the epilogue), as I, ashamed to admit, forgot about the voicemail… *FACEPALM* but there it is, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Aah the sequel, more on that in a moment…
Amalgam24: Seeing as you're in my head, I don't need to reply! Just kidding! I, unfortunately, have suffered heavy depression in a similar fashion to Ash had done in this story, so I sort of wanted to touch upon the difficult subject of depression (or mental health, if you prefer), I hope you enjoyed this chapter too!
LegitEmi: Pretty much as soon as I posted chapter 5 (plus Ultratrons review), this chapter became necessary. It's unknown to me too! I've never been that good at portraying emotions, so this story was a nice change for me. Damn, those wet sleeves, huh? Thank you, it's generally the sort of music I listen to, and funnily enough, I listened to If You Could See Me Now, Kiss Me, and World So Cold, all in a row one night, which created a majority of this story! Thank you for your review!
Ashura Satoshi: Thank you! I know, my description bugs the hell out of me, it seems fine as I'm going along, but when I re-read it, it bugs me! The lack of Advanceshippyness, another change for me, usually my stories are hugely AaMayl based, so was very weird for it only to spark in the final few scenes of the final chapter! Thank you, Ashura! I know must be a writer's thing? I'm never satisfied, but every chapter has to go up at some point, right? BTW, loving the Evolved From The Dead, fantastic start!
Advanced-ZeroX: Thank you! SUSPENSE OVER MY FRIEND! I hope you enjoy this chapter.
I want to thank everyone who has reviewed on this story, and everyone who has added it to their favourites and followed it, without a shadow of a doubt this is my most popular story to date, and I want to thank everyone one of you for your support.
Until next time, my friends!
~AF~
-NEW AN 5TH OF JANUARY 2019-
Hey everyone, a long time since I've updated on this story, but re-reading it and re-reading the reviews (something I like to do a lot when I'm feeling down), and I realised this chapter flows so much better this way, adds a little bit more suspense based on last chapter – this was originally suggested by justtypin0218, so shout out to him.
Also shout out to anyone and everyone who has reviewed, favourited and followed this story since the last chapter, and all of you who have sent me wonderful, loving and heartwarming messages of support on Chapter 8:
Advanceforeverandever
AdvancedLover
Advanced-ZeroX
Amalgam24
TerrenceSweets
ChrisJ92
Tighe Sofly
TamashiKishuu
Ensuing
ShadowGallade
maycontestdrew
Forgotten existence 2654
bulbreon
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EngulfedThunder
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I'm so very very grateful for your comments and support, even if you never see this. I can't thank you guys enough.
I have three weeks off from work now, which has involved long, tiring, late, unsocial hours, so hopefully – fingers crossed – I'll get I'll Be Your Light finished in that time period!
Signing off,
Advanced Faith.