Chapter Twenty-Four
Captain Levi stands before his office mirror, long fingers deftly weaving his signature ascot into an intricate knot around his throat, thin lips drawn in a familiar taut line. Dark blue eyes barely register the sullen expression of his reflection as he stares silently ahead. His gaze is hard and intense, but restless and unfocused. Behind him, there is a loud crash against the door followed by an even louder groan punctuated by the heavy pounding of fists on the wooden surface.
He turns fractionally, pausing to retrieve his uniform jacket from its hanger before returning his attention forward. The pounding on the door persists, swelling into a maddening cacophony he immediately recognizes is designed to provoke a reaction. Without bothering to inspect his reflection in the mirror, the Captain strides slowly and purposefully, pausing long enough to snatch the doorknob open, mercifully interrupting the incessant din.
Section Commander Hange Zoe stumbles forward badly, stooping briefly to retrieve her ever-present glasses from the hard wood floor where they had clattered from her nose. She straightens up with a sheepish chuckle, rubbing the hem of her shirt over the dusty rim of her glasses as she appraises him with a disapproving furrow of her eyebrows. Returning her glasses to their usual perch on her nose, she leans forward with a bemused frown. The Captain instinctively leans away, shooting her a murderous look before walking around her.
"You look rough, Levi," she remarks at last as she walks to join him. The comment passes without acknowledgment. "I'm serious. It doesn't look like you've slept a wink and none of your teammates can remember the last time you ate anything solid."
"You came all this way to tell me that?" His tone is curt and clipped. Hange Zoe shakes her head as she slides a hand into her inner coat pocket briefly.
"I came all this way to pick your brain about studying Kenny's parting gift." He shifts his eyes briefly to study her from the side. "And also because I'm worried about you."
"I already told you everything I know about the titan serum," Levi sighs, not bothering to hide his frustration. "Have you tried interrogating Sannes and his crew? Surely one of them has to know something about the serum and how it is made." The Section Commander shakes her head with a grim frown.
"They don't know anything," she explains with a shrug. "It seemed Rod Reiss took a lot of secrets with him to the grave. Queen Historia remembers how cautious he seemed around Kenny and the other MPs especially when they reached the Reiss Chapel. After all that happened, I can't say that I blame him."
"She's back from touring?" Levi asks distractedly, his voice betraying the slightest sliver of hope as he turns to face his friend. Section Commander Zoe nods as she holds out the syringe case expectantly. "How is she?" He asks as he accepts the case from her. His face blanks when the eccentric scout merely shakes her head with a noncommittal half-shrug.
"It's difficult to say," Hange Zoe admits quietly. "We've put a great deal of responsibility on her shoulders and I…I'm not sure how much more she can take. I think part of her still believes that she could have saved Portia and her children without risking peace within the walls."
"She's probably right," Captain Levi acknowledges. "But the stakes are a lot higher now than they were five years ago. We cannot afford to take the same risks that they took."
"You say that and yet you look like you don't really agree with it."
"Did you know that I've killed more people since becoming a scout than I ever did as a criminal?" He asks without turning to face her as his scowl deepens. "Ironic, isn't it?" The Section Commander's face falls as she considers how best to reply. Captain Levi shakes his head simply as he turns to walk away.
"Section Commander!" Moblit Berner's earnest cry reaches them, prompting the pair of scouts to turn in time to watch the wheezing Lieutenant sprinting towards them. "T-the council is convening in eight minutes and our report is—"
"Already finished!" Section Commander Hange informs him with a jubilant smile, earning identically quizzical looks from both men. "It's all in here," she explains tapping the side of her head.
"Pretend that I believe you," Moblit Berner begins with a nervous chuckle as he pulls out a pencil and notepad. "And just summarize as much of it as you can."
"I can't do that on the spot!" Section Commander Zoe snaps, sheepishly adjusting her glasses.
"That sounds promising," Captain Levi deadpans.
"Hey, have a little faith will ya? My memory's pretty good you know?" Section Commander Zoe assures him with a manic smile.
"Alright, but that still doesn't change the fact that if we don't hurry we're going to be very late!" The long-suffering Lieutenant informs her breathlessly. Without waiting for her to articulate a response, Moblit Berner grabs the eccentric Section Commander by the hand, dragging her after him with an exasperated sigh.
"You're coming, Levi?" The Section Commander asks genuinely surprised when the foul-tempered Captain moves to follow them.
"I need to speak with Ervin," he explains in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. A knowing smile creeps unto the eccentric titan-lover's features as the sheen of her glasses briefly obscure her deep brown eyes.
The meeting room is already teeming with lightly chattering officers and government officials. Judging by the nervous glances exchanged and the snippets of conversation they overhear en route to their seat at the end of the conference table, the final trial of Rod Reiss' co-conspirators is not going well.
"—consider imposing a lighter sentence to save face?" A senior official wonders drumming his fingers nervously against the edge of his table. His colleague pauses to balk at his suggestion before schooling his face into a disapproving frown. "Think about it, a jury might acquit him as things stand."
"That is exactly the kind of precedent that will come back to bite us in the back later." His colleague scolds. "If the jurors acquit him then so be it. But offering him leniency in order to save face will only encourage others to adopt a similar strategy. Or are you forgetting that we still have to prosecute Portia's accomplices?"
"But still," the first man bristles. "Imposing some sort of punishment on a traitor has to be preferable to letting him walk scot-free." Before the second official can reply, a glimmer of blonde briefly catches Captain Levi's eye, shifting his attention towards the entrance of the conference hall.
Although it isn't the first time he has seen her dressed in the flowing white robes of the royal family, Levi feels his gaze trail the gentle folds of Queen Historia's gown, lingering briefly on the exposed flesh of her small shoulders. Sleek blonde locks cascade down the elegant column of her neck, framing her delicate features perfectly. His jaw tightens as he notes the faint but all too familiar sheen of doubt reflected in her bright blue eyes.
Silence befalls the room as the petite queen is escorted to her seat at the head of the conference table. Captain Levi feels an unfamiliar tightness in his stomach as he listens to the chair beside him scrape backward before creaking with the Queen's weight as she settles down.
"Thank you, please be seated," she commands softly. Captain Levi feels the steady buildup of heat in his palms as he finally forces himself to face her. She acknowledges him with a polite smile before shifting her attention elsewhere.
Before he can make sense of their brief exchange, Premier Zachary rises to address the council at large, commanding the room to silence with an authoritative clap on the table. Captain Levi feels his shoulders stiffen as he angles his body unnecessarily away from her. Although he forces his gaze to remain on Premier Zachary, he barely registers more than a few selective phrases of his speech before the former retakes his seat, ceding the floor to Commander Nile Dawk.
"You're a monster. Let go of me! Do you hear me? A monster!" He clenches his fists tightly as he recalls the hatred brimming within her eyes when she had shoved and clawed at him with all her might. Long fingers absentmindedly retrace her palm's grip on his chest before he catches Ervin Smith watching him with a bemused frown.
Squaring his shoulders once more as he forces his attention back on the Military Police Commander, Captain Levi resists the niggling urge to steal another glance at the Queen beside him. He doesn't quite register the polite applause signaling the end of Commander Dawk's report until midway through Commander Pyxis' address.
"Are you alright?" Ervin Smith wonders leaning close enough to whisper against the shell of the Captain's ear.
Levi Ackermann stiffens ever so slightly at the sudden proximity, managing a terse nod in response before redirecting his attention once more. It isn't long before Commander Pyxis' voice slurs into an incomprehensible garble as the conference room slowly but surely falls away.
Suddenly, he is eleven years old and crouching alone in a dark closet.
There is a soft creak, followed by a slender column of light as the door of his hiding place slowly but surely swings open revealing more of the dimly lit room beyond. His small shoulders feel heavy and impossibly stiff as he notices the thick pool of congealing blood cooling beneath shattered pieces of furniture strewn across the far corner wall of the rickety room. An ominous breeze wafts in through the half-open front door, swinging the closet door wider still.
An imposing creak accompanies the gradual reveal of an awkwardly twisted leg, lying amongst the shattered remains of a badly-soaked bed. Gray eyes widen in realization as he finally discerns the telltale slosh of a half-empty whiskey bottle over the steady footfalls of a roaming figure.
The odor of alcohol fills the tiny space as a small hand reaches out, clasping the closet door in place, intent on shielding the rest of the broken corpse from view. The figure outside yawns loudly as he clumsily ambles into view.
"Did you get him?" A voice calls from beyond the front door.
"I think so. Actually…I'm not sure," the yawning figure calls back pausing long enough to take another swig from its bottle before stumbling to inspect the corpse. There is a long pause followed by a frustrated growl. "Bring the light in will you? I can't tell if it's him or not."
A second figure emerges, pausing to survey the room at the doorway with a raised lantern and an impatient scowl. His partner acknowledges him with a grateful grunt before bending to turn over the corpse.
"Well? Is he dead or not?" The second figure presses as he turns to glance over his shoulder at the street beyond.
"He ain't getting up from that," the first figure informs him rubbing the back of his neck with a slight sigh. "But now that I look at him, I don't think this guy's Kenny."
"How do you figure?" The second man asks as he returns his attention to the room. "I thought you'd never met him before."
"I haven't but, I have read about him and even seen a couple of pictures of him here and there. Mostly on wanted posters. I thought this fella looked an awful lot like him especially when the brat led him here, but he seems…shorter than his description." Levi feels his small hands trace a path over his thin lips, stifling a horrified sob as the man's words slowly sink in.
"What?! You think it's the wrong man?!" The second man asks thoroughly appalled.
"Yeah, I'm starting to," the first man admits with a sheepish nod. "That would explain why he barely fought back and kept begging for his life."
"But why would the brat lead this guy to us when we told him that we were looking for Kenny?"
"I don't know," the first man shrugs before turning towards Levi's hiding spot. "Let's ask the little fucker!"
A sharp gasp catches in the back of Levi's throat as the closet door is ripped out of his grasp, flooding the tiny closet with light. As he stumbles away, his eyes fall on the broken leg, trailing it up the crumpled heap of his former accomplice.
"Henry…" he murmurs with a shuddering gasp. The first man grabs him by the front of his shirt easily lifting his bony frame from the floor.
"You wanna run that by me again?"
"You killed him?" Levi wonders without turning to face the murderous thug, eyes seemingly transfixed on the corpse's grotesquely contorted visage.
"Obviously," the first man scoffs. "So his name's Henry huh?"
"You deaf boy?" The second figure asks stepping further into the room. He pauses briefly to deposit the lantern in his hand on a nearby table before returning his attention to the shivering child. "We asked you to bring Kenny here, not some random chump!"
"I didn't…I thought…"
"You thought what? That we were paying you to lure that bastard here for a little chat?!" The first man growls as he releases Levi, smacking his small face with enough force to send him stumbling back into a nearby wall.
"Look at him," the second man scoffs as he crouches to study Levi's trembling form, teeth bared in a mocking sneer. "The little runt probably knew what we were after all along and still led that poor sap here knowing full well what would happen to him."
"No, I didn't…" Levi balks, trailing off as the crouching man leans forward to grab him by his bangs. Even as his lips tremble with the weight of his guilt, he feels his left hand slide towards a nearby shard of glass with surprising ease.
"You know, you might be on to something," the first man chuckles darkly as he takes another swig from his bottle. Dark eyes move briefly to appraise the corpse once more before returning on Levi. "Brat hasn't looked away from the stiff since we dragged him out. For all we know he could be getting off on this."
"No, I'm not—"
"Probably admiring his handiwork," the second man smirks. Another protest begins to form on Levi's lips even as his fingers close around the shard of glass. Slipping the shard beneath his sleeve, he forces himself to his feet, halting only when the grip on his bangs tightens.
"Where're ya going, pipsqueak?" The first man taunts, cracking his knuckles menacingly as he looms over the boy's tiny frame. "Done gawking at the stiff already?"
"I wasn't gawking," Levi states in a strangely even tone as he meets the towering man's gaze. The man cackles loudly at this, shaking his head as his colleague levels Levi with a withering glare.
"We both saw you so don't even try to deny it," the second man snaps pulling Levi along with him as he rises to his feet.
He drags Levi towards the shattered bed, shoving him against the bloody bed frame before repositioning himself behind him, strong fingers yanking his head back as his free hand holds the boy's head in place. A strange wave of serenity washes over him as he is forced to confront the broken form of his deceased accomplice.
"You did this," the man states coolly nodding towards the lifeless form before them. "Not me, and not Patrick over there. This is all you, buddy. If you had lured Kenny here like we'd asked, your little friend here would still be at the whore house screwing some hussy senseless."
"We don't have time for this Gordon," the first man growls impatiently shoving past to snatch Levi by the front of his shirt. "Where is Kenny?!"
"Behind you," Levi rasps lifting his right hand to point at the spot by the doorway as he lowers the shard from his sleeve.
On cue, both men immediately turn to study the doorway, shoving him aside as they draw their weapons. A moment passes as both men watch the empty doorway suspiciously.
"Huh? I don—!" Levi drags the jagged edge of the glass shard along the second thug's throat cutting off his words midsentence. Blood splashes freely from the gaping wound in his neck, blinding his shell-shocked partner who stumbles backward in alarm.
"You fucking monster! I'll kill you!" The thug screams before tripping over the dying man's feet and crashing loudly to the floor.
"Yeah, yeah…" Levi murmurs distractedly as he yanks the bottle of whiskey from the flailing man's hand. Without pausing to think, he smashes the bottle against the thug's ear sending blood and whiskey pouring down the side of his face.
"You little shit! I'll kill you! Do you hear me, you fucking bastard?! I'll kill you and the world will be better off with one less monster running around. "
Levi turns to leave but freezes when he notices Henry's corpse once again. Shifting his head ever so slightly to the side, he feels something stir deep within him as he confronts the anguished scream frozen on the corpse's tear-streaked visage once more.
"Your life is over you little shit! Do you hear me, fucker?! Once I get my hands on you, you're dead!"
He remembers wordlessly reaching for the lantern on the table and shattering it against the blinded thug's head. He remembers calmly stepping back as the man's body was instantly engulfed in flames. He remembers the earsplitting screams and howls of agony filling the rickety room as the burning man thrashed and rolled along the floor. He remembers following the figure until it collapsed by the doorway, hands reaching out in desperation as the screams abruptly died down. He remembers walking home and calmly climbing into the tiny bathtub to wash the stench of blood and burnt flesh.
Try as he might, he also remembers Henry's own anguished cries for help punctuated by the heavy crashes of blows and shattered furniture.
No. Focus. Why am I remembering that now?
"You're a monster. Let go of me! Do you hear me? A monster!" The Queen's words echo once more in the recesses of his mind. Desperate to escape the traumatic memories haunting his thoughts, he returns his attention to the conference room once more.
"—for this proposal, your Majesty?" Grayish blue eyes narrow ever so slightly as the room collectively turns towards him expectantly. It takes him a moment to register Premier Zachary's words as he traces their gazes towards the petite blonde seated serenely at the head of the table beside him.
"From the traitors," Queen Historia states matter-of-factly. Captain Levi blinks blankly at her, thoroughly confused. "In order to retain their lands and status, they will be forced to pay repatriation for their involvement."
"Welcome back," Hange Zoe greets him with a hushed tone. He turns to give her a bemused look. "The Queen is proposing opening a royal orphanage for the entire kingdom—including the underground."
Captain Levi tenses at this as he turns to watch the blonde once more.
"Your majesty, I understand how badly you want this," Premier Zachary sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "But, be reasonable here. With all that's going on, investigating, arresting, and trying conspirators—not to mention preparing for the expedition to reclaim Shingashina—we simply don't have the time, money and resources to dedicate to this…endeavor."
"You're fucking kidding me," Captain Levi blurts sharply interrupting the growing chorus of agreement following the Premier's words. The room falls uncomfortably still as all eyes shift to the pint-sized scout now. "Are we seriously fucking against this? After everything that's happened? We're honestly debating this? I mean, come the fuck on! I knew you guys could be dense sometimes but I didn't think you guys were this dense."
"What does the Reiss family scheme have to do with orphans for crying out loud?" A member of the merchant guild scoffs.
"Eren Jaeger, Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackermann, Connie Springer…these are members of my Special Operations Squad who had a hand in fighting Rod Reiss and Kenny Ackermann's Interior Police squad. Those four have more combat experience than an entire all also happen to be orphans. Just like the fucking queen sitting before you right now!"
"Captain Ackerma—"
"It's Captain Levi," Levi snaps cutting the mild-spoken officer off.
"We understand that orphans are prevalent throughout the kingdom, trust me we all share—"
"Please spare me your empty words." A collective gasp follows the Queen's acerbic remark. "You say that but in reality, you don't really care. For you, this issue really is out of sight, out of mind. So please spare me your bullshit. Ymir, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Connie and the countless other orphans who fight at the frontlines to protect us. Think about it. If they can sacrifice everything for humanity's sake, in spite of everything they have endured…how easy would it be for their fellow orphans to turn on us?"
"Joining the military and fighting for the queen is infinitely more appealing than a life of crime." A Military Police officer scoffs with a dismissive wave.
"And yet, Kenny Ackermann was able to grow an entire army right underneath our noses," Levi sneers. The officer falls quiet managing only a sheepish frown. "Or where did you think all those fighters Kidd trained and equipped came from? If it hadn't been for Commander Ervin I probably would have been amongst them, leading the charge. If Kenny had taken me with him when he returned to the surface, the Reiss Chapel battle might have turned out very differently."
"A lot of things would have been different if Captain Levi hadn't joined the Survey Corps," Commander Ervin states matter-of-factly. "After all, without his timely intervention at Eren's trial, the Military Police would have killed and dissected Eren—destroying whatever secrets the Founding Titan possesses."
"Exactly," Queen Historia nods, clenching her small fists tightly as she scans the room, meeting each person's gaze in turn. "I can assure you…We won't get lucky again."
"Very well," Premier Zachary assents with a sigh. "We will begin taxing Judge Schaeffer and all the other conspirators accordingly."
"In the meantime, we'll pull what we need to get started from the royal treasury," Historia adds, prompting a collective gasp of shock. "If we're really serious about this, then we have to get started right away. We can seize some land to start building on."
"It might be better to simply renovate one of the many abandoned manors and castles littering the countryside," Commander Pyxis suggests, prompting a few merchants to exchange nervous glances.
"The Survey Corps will be happy to donate any old bases it no longer uses," Commander Ervin offers, earning a grateful nod from the Queen. "There are quite a few that come to mind."
"Very well then, Commander Ervin will turn over a list of abandoned bases to the Queen for her inspection and approval," Premier Zachary declares. "Once a suitable location has been discovered, we'll begin construction and renovations immediately. In the meantime, the Chancellery will begin interviewing and recruiting the appropriate staff to run the orphanage."
"I would like to help," Queen Historia blurts. "Finding and convincing orphans used to fending for themselves to trust us won't be easy. Trust me, they don't open up very easily and if we're not careful we can end up scaring them away."
Captain Levi tenses slightly at this but remains resolutely silent.
"Very well then," Premier Zachary assents. "Unless I'm mistaken, I believe that about covers everything."
When no one speaks up, he bangs his gavel on the table to adjourn the meeting.
His grip on the reins tightens as the castle finally looms into view, towering over the high evergreen canopy of the trees above. He tries not to remember the last time he had ridden along this path as he turns back to trail the royal carriage's progress behind him. A pair of scouts salutes him from the front gates as he gallops past.
"Oh my," an attendant gasps as she alights from the carriage with an awed look. He lowers his gaze instead to his reins, pretending not to notice the young cadet watching him expectantly from the stable door. "It's beautiful, your majesty!"
Against his better judgment, he turns to study the Queen's reaction as she finally disembarks. Their eyes meet briefly before she turns her attention to study the castle in turn as her attendants watch her expectantly. A moment passes and at first, nothing happens until he notices the subtle change in the air around her as a dark shadow crosses her features.
Could it be? He is reminded of that evening weeks ago on the eve of the disastrous Fifty-Seventh Expedition beyond the Walls when Eren Jaeger had run off to greet a large group of his friends and fellow cadets by the stables. Of course…if she had been amongst them then that means that this place is just as hellish for her.
"Is everything alright, your majesty?" An attendant asks when the Queen turns away without comment.
"Yes, I'm fine. Just tired. No need to worry about me, I'm fine." The half-smile doesn't reach her eyes as she approaches the front door.
"What do you think of this place?" The attendant presses obliviously. "I think the children would love it here. It's so large and spacious. And it's secluded enough that we shouldn't disturb anyone with any loud noises."
"A castle isn't a very practical choice for an orphanage." The attendants balk as the Queen marches off without so much as a backward glance. He waits until she has disappeared up a flight of stairs before finally alighting from his horse.
Captain Levi spends the next several hours in the former officers' quarters sorting the last piles of Scout reports and paperwork into waiting crates. Although most of the work has already been done by disgruntled recruits and a few journeymen scouts, he insists on tackling the remainder alone, desperate for a tedious chore to distract him from the ghosts of his former squad.
Only when the light of the lantern he had been working with finally dies down does he finally step away from his work. Although the sun had long set, he is able to feel his way around with practiced ease. Judging by the stillness of the castle walls, most of its inhabitants were tucked snugly away in bed, save for a few idling sentries posted throughout the castle and surrounding grounds.
As he approaches the storeroom, he halts as he detects the telltale sign of another presence studying him in the darkness. Instinctively reaching for the letter opener he always keeps on his person, he stills himself as he notes the subtle glint of blonde locks nestled within the darkness. Lowering his blade, he straightens out of his defensive stance as the petite blonde steps out of the shadows.
"Can't sleep too?" She asks.
"Were you waiting for me?" He wonders. When she doesn't immediately respond, he turns back to study her. Even in the darkness, the sheen of anger is evident in her bright blue eyes as she trails the letter opener's path into its sheath somewhere within the confines of his inner right breast pocket.
"Why did you bring us here?" At first, he isn't sure he had heard her correctly as he moves instead to push open the storeroom door. She moves as if to block him before seemingly catching herself and freezing, bright eyes suddenly guarded and apprehensive. "How can you even stand coming back here after all that has happened?"
"I don't know," he admits with a shrug moving to walk away before deciding against it. "Life goes on."
"This was one of the last places where you saw her alive," she shoots back hotly. "That has to mean something?"
"Why? When we die the world won't stop spinning simply because we're not here. There will be no difference from the days we live to see and the days we don't. Life will simply continue just like it did long before we ever existed."
"You see," the blonde pauses, biting the corner of her lip as she shakes her head defiantly. "That's where you're wrong. Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present. And by each crime and every kindness…we shape our future."
"Did you honestly think that I didn't know that?" The air shifts between them as he turns to face her once more, anger burning within his dark blue irises. "Growing up in the underground…becoming a scout—all of it taught me that how you do something matters even more than why you do it. And by the logic, you are right. I am a monster."
"But how can you live like that?" Her voice is small and hushed as she hugs herself against the sudden chill in the night air, blonde locks billowing around her as she watches him hopefully. "How can you stand it?"
"If you have to ask me that question then you haven't been paying attention." He turns to walk away but she closes the distance between them, pressing his back flush against her chest as she buries her face between his shoulder blades.
"I'm sorry," her voice breaks as a sob escapes her. He stiffens but remains resolutely still, staring blankly at the space between his feet as she presses on. "I guess I was so in love with the man you were that I couldn't bring myself to love who you were becoming."
"You've got it backward," he informs her quietly. "I've always been that man who burned down that tower with Portia and her children in it. Truth be told, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I made a vow to always make the choices that would leave me with the least amount of regret when I became a scout. And I don't intend on going back on that promise now."
"Then we have nothing further to discuss."
Happy New Year to you all! So glad to see that people are still reading this story and a few are even taking the time to leave sweet words of encouragement. Thanks so much for your continued support. Hope to see you all next week!
Levi's comment about how you do stuff being as important as why you do it and Historia's comment about being in love with the person someone was an not being able to accept who they've become were taken straight from the TV show Person of Interest. If you haven't seen it I would strongly recommend it.
Also, Historia's remark about people's actions shaping the future was taken almost verbatim from the trailer of the movie Cloud Atlas. I haven't watched that movie in years so I can't remember if the quote appeared exactly like that in the movie or if at all.