Sunlight reflecting from the rippling ocean and the rolling sands is what brings me to my senses. It's a feeling that's all too familiar, my back curled up against someone else's, the heat of skin providing more warmth than the blankets loosely tangled around my body. At first, I don't want to move; I'm too cozy with my cheek rested against the smooth inside of my arm. And then I think better of staying and peel off the covers and pull on my clothes. With a final glance toward the bed and a glimpse out the window, I leave the room with only the whisper of my boots against the wooden floors to accompany me.
The tavern is mostly empty, though Basch sits on a stool at the counter, conversing with the bar tender in his usual gentle manner. I scoff to myself, shaking my head and strolling out the door. It wouldn't surprise me if the knight had a soft spot for snuggling rabbits and kittens.
Pirates and their crews rush down the streets with their usual packages and the groan of a ship rumbles through the cobblestone pavement as it leaves the port. A woman dressed in gaudy, colorful clothes waves from the boat, blowing kisses to the shouting crowd on the shore. I fight a smile; stupid sea pirates, always causing a ruckus when it's entirely unnecessary.
The breeze pulls the hair from my face and tugs at my clothes, though it's gentle. More like a child's innocent begging pulls than a temper tantrum. A well-mannered child, then. I practically snort. What's that? I never was one of those. I keep an easy pace as I meander through the sea-side pirate haven, twisting at the armor clinking on my left arm absently. The worn but colorful buildings line a number of streets, each full of their own sorts of people. Shop keepers call out for patrons, children run about screaming and laughing, and men and women exchange witty banter through open windows and doorways. I fight a smile, broken from thought when I stumble into a galloping child.
"Sorry, Miss!" the girl calls nervously, scrambling to her feet. Her pigtails gleam red in the sunlight, bright green eyes and freckles catching just enough that innocence and beauty collide on a single small plain of pale skin. I shake my head.
"You're alright."
Flashing me a beaming grin, the girl continues her escape from the stout woman chasing her. I walk all the way down to the end of the pier on the east side of the town, letting the ocean breeze fight to pull me into the watery depths just feet away. And then I turn back and cut through town to head to the broader beach of the northern side, where Reddas's ship is anchored. My boots are horribly heavy in the pale golden grains of sand; I eventually give up and tug them and my socks off, carrying the pairs beneath my right arm and walking toward two people I easily recognize.
"Hey, Shae!" Vaan calls, waving an arm over his head from where he sits, pausing his climb up a rough-trunked palm tree. "You're finally up."
"I am," I nod, dropping my shoes in the sand and turning back to the waves. Penelo looks up from her seat on the ground and smiles.
"Did you sleep well? Those beds weren't the best, but they're much better than the ground." I take a deep breath, feeling my face beginning to go red.
"Honestly, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Slept like a rock until about... an hour ago?" Not technically a lie. "Though, my back is a bit sore."
"Mine too," she nods, tracing a finger of the feathers tied into the bottom of a pigtail. "Did you eat yet?"
"I don't usually eat in the morning," I reply simply, turning back to look up at Vaan. "What are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the boy retorts, grinning as he pulls himself up onto a branch. "Heads up!" He gives the branch a firm shake and several coconuts drop down onto the sand. Satisfied, he jumps down with a triumphant cry and scoops up several of the fruits. "Still not hungry?"
"Those don't look ripe," I point out, eyebrow arched.
"Yeah, well," he sighs, handing one to Penelo. "We've gotta take what we get, right?"
"Or we could eat food from the tavern," Pen points out, a smug smile creeping across her face. "I doubt Reddas will mind as long as we're with Ashe." Vaan huffs, kicking sand at her bright yellow bodysuit and chipping away at his coconut's shell with his dagger.
"Whatever. I'll enjoy the fruit of my labor."
"A well-spoken dictum for a boy like you," I tease, elbowing him. He scowls at me, splitting the coconut open and drinking from the fruit's greenish insides. I crinkle my nose before looking out toward the ocean. "How much have you explored?"
"Just the perimeters," Penelo shakes her head. "I saw you walking earlier, so you've at least seen the town. But at the south end, there's a cartographer and chocobos and a path leading off onto some plains." She sighs, leaning back against the tree trunk. A content smile traces her pink lips and she closes her blue eyes. "I love it here. Even with all the bustle, it's peace for once."
"I dunno," Vaan grumbles around a mouthful of coconut milk. He swallows hard before continuing. "I mean, I like a little chaos."
"Trust me, we know," I laugh, ruffling his hair.
"Hey, stop that!" he protests, battling my hand away with a wince. "My arms are sore from all that dancing last night."
"Your arms?" Penelo scoffs.
"Yeah, she's heavy," Vaan snickers. I give the back of his head a good smack and he laughs with his mouth full of coconut, nudging me away with his hip. "Don't be so sensitive!"
"I do what I please," I fire back. Penelo giggles.
"She is a princess, Vaan. She can boss you around."
"She's not the princess of Dalmasca," the boy counters. "And that's where I'm from, so that's who I follow. Sorry, Shae. Looks like you'll have to run back to Larsa."
"That wouldn't be too bad," Penelo sighs, looking up at the clouds. Vaan rolls his eyes, plopping down beside her and shoveling more coconut into his mouth. "Hey... If we kill Vayne... Do you think you'll ever go back? I heard the Senate's gone for good. Larsa could use your help."
"Larsa's far better at the royal life than I," I admit with a shrug. "I'm sure you noticed. I'm not exactly one to sit in a throne and speak on politics and marry men from foreign countries for trade's sake. I'd rather fix my ship up and disappear."
"Forever?" I wince at her disappointed tone, forcing my hands onto my hips and cocking my head to the side. A grin pushes its way onto my face.
"Nah, I'll come visit you—as long as Vaan's not around."
"Hey!" I duck to avoid the coconut Vaan throws at my head. "You can't leave me alone after all this!"
"You and Penelo plan on pirating, don't you?" I straighten and dust the sand off my sleeves. "I can't baby you. You'll find your way and I'll follow mine."
"You know, that reminds me." Penelo sits up straighter, a slight frown crossing her face. "You... once told us that you choose your path and keep going forward because you can't backtrack."
"It's true," I reply, kicking at the sand. "I didn't mean that your chosen path won't come to a crossroads where you can change to a path you missed before, or even choose a new one. I only meant that there's no simple way to reverse your actions."
"Okay," she nods, chewing on her lip. "I, uh, think I'm going to find Fran now."
"Again?" Vaan huffs, tossing his empty coconut to the side and sheathing his dagger. "I'm staying here with Shae."
"I'm heading off too," I shrug, gathering my shoes and heading back toward Balfonheim despite the orphan's sputtered complaints.
Even more people are out and about now, talking and laughing in the street and along the docks. The sense of peace here makes my stomach turn. They feel so safe, so happy... Is it because they remain impartial to the war? Or because they don't fear attack? I shake my head, jumping when I knock into a man.
"Sorry," I mumble, keeping my head down as I start to pass.
"Shae." I turn back to see Basch looking at me, the slightest smile on his lips and his eyebrow quirked. "Learning some manners, I see. Odd."
"Well, if it'll make you feel better, I'll revoke my apology," I reply, grinning. "I only gave it freely because I assumed you were someone far more important. How's Ashe?"
"I have not seen her," the knight sighs, shaking his head. "But... she can manage on her own for now. Of that much I am certain."
"Oh? So you're loosening up? Odd."
"Indeed," Basch huffs, pushing the rest of his fair hair out of his face and scratching at his freshly trimmed beard. "Have you seen Balthier? I've a question to ask him."
"I haven't," I shake my head, a running boy catching my attention. "But there's Vaan."
"Not exactly a fair replacement," Basch replies lightly, glancing back at the boy. "That pirate had better be here somewhere. I dare not consider what Ashe might do if he ran after his father without us."
"Seems you won't have to." I jump, startled, and turn to see Balthier approaching with Fran at his heels, though her interest appears to be anywhere but the conversation. "Still doubting me after all this time, old man?"
"Old?" I scoff, nodding toward the knight. "He's far from it."
"But steadily approaching," Basch mutters, turning back to Vaan. "My apologies, Shae, but could you keep Vaan company for a while? I would prefer to speak with Balthier alone."
"I just left him!" I protest, wishing I could stomp my foot on the ground like an indignant toddler.
"And now you can rejoin him," Balthier counters, raising an eyebrow. "It's your turn to babysit." Huffing, I fight the urge to stick out my tongue and stomp over to the thief.
"You're my new buddy," I grumble, grabbing Vaan's wrist and dragging him after me. "You said there was a plains area? Take me there. I want to see it."
"Geeze, who ruined your mood?" Vaan huffs, stumbling along behind me. "Who said what?"
"No one said anything!" I snap, veering around crowds of staring people. "And just... stop making assumptions! Why did someone have to say something for me to—"
"You're always mad when someone tells you what to do," Vaan shrugs, pulling his wrist free and picking up his pace to walk beside me. "The road up here leads to a path. That'll take us up to the Cerobi Steppe."
"Where'd you learn that?" I ask, frowning at him.
"The cartographer by the chocobos told me," he replies simply, grinning. "I'm smarter than you thought, huh?"
"No, you're still subpar," comes my dry retort.
The dirt is soft beneath our boots, molding to the shapes and patterns of the treads. Low hanging trees line the way up the initial hill, which hides the sunlight. The shadows are cool and dark, but in a soothing, peaceful way. Once the hill is crested we can see the endless stretch of grasslands spread out before us. Coeurls stroll about, pouncing on each other and chasing their tails. Birds fly across the clear, sunny sky, cawing to their mates. A thicket of deep green bushes and thick-trunked shrubs lies to the west. Vaan gives a satisfied sigh and plops down beneath the foliage of a nearby tree, folding his arms behind his head and grinning.
"Better than you thought?"
"Certainly a unique sight," I murmur, scanning the Steppe one last time before leaning against the trunk beside him. "Is this what you and Penelo were talking about earlier?"
"Yeah. It's nice and quiet up here."
"That doesn't strike me as something you would enjoy."
"Yeah, well, I prefer some noise."
"Vaan, you are the noise."
"It's what you need," he fires back, looking up at me. "Otherwise the Fates wouldn't have forced us together, right?"
"Following Basch's beliefs now, hm?"
"I dunno," he shrugs, sighing. "It just... seems like a point worth listening to. Repetition and all that."
"Well, I can promise you that the Fates didn't force us together because I needed more noise," I tease, sitting beside him and crossing my legs. I nudge him with my shoulder gently. "So, about Penelo."
"What about her?" he asks, tensing involuntarily. I fight a smile, shrugging.
"What's with you two? Just friends?"
"Uh, yeah!" Vaan protests, scowling at me. "Me and Pen?" He feigns a gag. "Gross!" His face falls and he grumbles, "She's obsessed with that Lamont anyway."
"Larsa," I correct, rolling my eyes. I elbow him. "I bet you like her, though. You two are close, and she's very pretty."
"Stop, Shae," he huffs, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm trying to sleep."
"Alright, I'm just saying," I shrug, raising my hands innocently. "I think she likes you." There's a long pause before Vaan peels open one eye, glancing over at me.
"You think...?"
"Of course I do, that's why I said it," I scoff, leaning back on the palms of my hands. I flash a smug smile. "So you are interested."
"I never said that!" he exclaims, his voice raising two whole octaves. I laugh, shoving his shoulder.
"You never spoke the words, but your reaction said it all. Don't worry; I won't tell anyone."
"Swear it," Vaan demands, straightening. "On Larsa's life."
"That's a bit drastic," I sniff, making a show of looking over my short nails. "Besides, I'm not sure I could tell nobody. Perhaps Fran. And Basch."
"No!" he shouts, pushing me so hard I fall on my side into the dirt, laughing uncontrollably. "Fran talks to Penelo all the time!" Promptly, he returns to his pouting.
"What's with you and Balthier?" he asks, finally breaking the silence. I sigh, straightening and brushing the streaks of mud off my bare shoulder.
"It's nothing."
"Nothing, huh? I was supposed to room with him last night but I got stuck with Basch instead. And he snores a lot."
"Balthier's not much better," I mutter, shaking my head. Vaan's uncomfortable frown grows into a smirk as he casually looks up at the sky.
"Y'know, a little birdie told me you got too distracted to take that bath."
"Vaan—!"
I'm cut off by an explosion of gunfire echoing from the thicket to the west. I scramble to my feet, pulling Vaan up with one hand and tugging my spear free with the other. The leaves from the bushes crunch and rattle and a young man breaks free. I narrow my eyes on the limping figure. He's practically a boy, clutching his bleeding arm and stumbling away from something. His opponents appear to be three heavily armored Imperial soldiers, each armed with a gun and a sword. Suddenly, I recognize the boy and I'm running before I realize it.
"Shae!" Vaan calls, racing after me as I sprint across the grassy gap.
A bullet bites into my shoulder and I grit my teeth, coming up beside the young man and supporting him with an arm. Vaan sprints past, slashing at the first soldier with a shout. Forced into a dilemma, I set the boy on the ground and run back to help Vaan. The second soldier raises his gun to fire at my face just as I ram my lance through his midsection, pressing my forehead to the front of his helmet as I search for his agony through the slits in his armor.
I kick him off the end of my weapon before turning sharply to strike the blade out of the third's hands. Vaan dives in a second later, taking the soldier down in mere seconds. I turn back to the second and pull the scrambling man's helmet off in one hard jerk before driving my spear through his face as he makes one last effort and buries his blade in my thigh. Crying out, I grit my teeth and pry the dead man's sword from my flesh. Gripping my bleeding shoulder, I sling my spear back into its sheathe and limp back toward the young man hunched over on the ground. I fall to my knees hard, breathless.
"Jonan?" I force out, shaking his shoulder. He peels his bright blue eyes open and looks up at me, wincing before he coughs up a spray of blood. "Jonan, what...?"
"They finally found me," he grits, gasping when my hand brushes over a deep slice carved into his side. He forces a bloody smile, swallowing hard. "Fitting for the traitor to become the betrayed."
"What...?" My heart skips a beat and the urge to fall over and vomit overwhelms me. The Imperials always found us... Jonan always found us... I shake my head and move to help him up. A sharp pain burns throughout my entire upper body and suddenly I feel as though I can't breathe, as though I'm choking on blood. Jonan twists the dagger buried in my belly and a sob bubbles up from his bloody throat.
"Maybe if I carry through..." he trails off, throttled to the ground by Vaan. I lunge forward, crying at the pain as I rip the knife from the boy's grasp by its blade.
"Get off him," I choke out, tugging at Vaan's shoulder. The boy whips his head around, eyes wild.
"He tried to kill you!"
"He's not... in his right mind," I shake my head, forcing myself to my feet weakly and pressing a hand to my stomach. "We have to get him back."
"He said he was a traitor!" Vaan shouts back, hatred flooding his eyes.
"Traitor to who?" I demand, coughing and wiping the blood splattered on my hand on my shirt. "Let's go. Carry him on your back."
"I'm not—"
"I'm not leaving unless you do," I snap. "So unless you want me to die too, I suggest you get moving."
Huffing, Vaan slides the taller but thinner boy onto his back and stumbles along beside me. I nearly slip on my way down the hill, my head growing lighter and spinning faster the longer we go. Blood drips from my leg, my shoulder, my stomach, leaving a streaky crimson trail and an eerie scarlet dye on my previously white shirt. As we enter Balfonheim, a woman gasps and drags her crying children away. The cartographer moogle stares with wide eyes before collapsing from his perch and falling into the chocobo pen.
"They're with the Princess's party!" a man calls, rushing forward and sliding an arm underneath mine to support me. "Can you walk?"
"I'll manage," I reply, though my voice is hardly heard.
He hurriedly leads the way back through the city, Vaan uncomfortably shifting the limp body on his back from time to time. Children run away and men clear the path, staring helplessly. The atmosphere of the town changes completely, its happy peace penetrated by horror and reality. As my senses fade, I hear the muffled demand of a familiar pair of voices.
"What happened?"
"He attacked her," Vaan snaps. I shake my head as much as I can, rasping out my reply.
"No, he..." I choke out, cut off by another river of blood rising up my throat. Through bleary eyes, I see Balthier and Basch hurrying toward us. The man holding me up hands me over to Balthier, looking at Jonan.
"I don't know, but I saw them coming away from the Steppe. Could've been the wildlife."
"Jonan attacked her," Vaan repeats, glaring at the young man that Basch took off his back.
"No, he didn't!" I snap, hissing in pain and blocking the gush off blood from my stomach that tries to burst forth—caused primarily by the force of my protest. Balthier huffs, supporting me and nodding toward the inn.
"You can argue inside when you're not bleeding out."
I stumble along beside them, drifting in and out of clear consciousness. Penelo gapes at our condition, sitting at a small round table beside Fran, who stands and strides toward us wordlessly. Basch kicks open Balthier's room's door and lays the unconscious boy out on the floor. Penelo rushes in behind Fran, scanning over Vaan to make sure the blood on his skin isn't his own. The viera crouches beside Jonan, lifting off his ragged linen shirt and grabbing a sheet from the bed to press to his gashes.
"Penelo, you need to heal him," she commands, turning her crimson eyes up to the girl. She nods, kneeling beside Balthier's partner and screwing her eyes shut.
"What about Shae?" Vaan demands, earning a scowl from Balthier.
"Why don't you quit throwing a tantrum and purchase some potions?" the pirate snaps, helping me sit on the edge of the bed and handing me the other end of the sheet. "You just attract all sorts of trouble, don't you?"
"I don't try," I mutter, glancing up at him as my head starts to spin more violently than before. "Though I... suppose I've always been... accident prone."
"Stop talking," Balthier huffs, turning back to scowl at Jonan. "I never did trust him."
"He didn't do... any—" I stop to choke and cough until I can't breathe, my head pounding and ruining any sense of balance. Balthier shakes his head, accepting a plain potion from the innkeeper who just entered the room.
"This won't do much, but it's better than nothing," the pirate says dryly, twisting the cap off the glass vial and handing it to me. "Didn't I tell you to stop talking?" I grimace as I move my arm to take the curative, my shoulder burning around the bite of a lodged bullet. Balthier sighs and mutters something about how he has to do everything. "Head back," he commands, taking the potion back and tipping its glittering contents into my mouth. "And now we wait for Vaan... How's the rat?"
"He's stopped bleeding out," Penelo replies. "So that's good, I guess."
"He will recover if he is properly cared for," Fran reports. "But there were bullets. Vaan did not do this to defend Shae." The others turn to me expectantly.
"Imperials," I reply, feeling the fog over my mind fade ever so slightly, though I nearly fall forward off the mattress trying to scoot up. Balthier huffs, clutching my arm and pulling me back. "They were chasing him." I pause to cough, spitting a mouthful of blood onto the bed and pressing the sheet tighter to my leg. "And so we were all attacked. Jonan was out of his mind."
"He stabbed her," Vaan cuts in, entering the doorway.
"Where are the potions?" Balthier demands, scowling at the boy's empty hands. Vaan shrugs.
"I couldn't find them." Just as the frustrated pirate leaps up to shout at the incompetent churl, a young woman enters the room. "So, I found a healer instead." He enters the room, nodding toward me. "Your patient's over there."
"You're still awake?"
I look up to see Balthier leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and eyebrow raised as he watches me sit up and glance down at the unconscious boy on the floor. He sighs and nods toward Jonan.
"Vaan mentioned something about betrayal. What'd he do?"
"I don't know," I murmur, leaning forward enough to brush the mess of blonde hair out of Jonan's face gingerly. "He never got the chance to say."
"You were attacked?"
"Imperial soldiers were chasing him," I sigh. "That's how he got roughed up. One shot me and another cut my leg."
"And Jonan stabbed you."
"He wasn't thinking," I retort, scowling. "I don't know what he was doing, but he certainly wasn't trying to kill me."
"I find that hard to believe."
"I don't care if you believe it or not," I huff, wincing as my body begins to ache from all my movement. "He's not your friend."
"Nor is he yours," Balthier points out. "What was it that you said? 'Something more?'"
"What's your issue with him, then, Balthier? If I'm so blind that I can't decide on my own relations, then please, enlighten me with your feelings on the subject." Unamused, Balthier rolls his eyes and steps into the room, sitting on the bed beside me a few inches away.
"I simply can't understand why a mere boy who's destroyed your ship, manipulated you, used you as a toy, and betrayed you can be 'something more.' Forgive my ignorance, but I can't seem to remember a time where he did anything good for you."
"He saved my life," I mutter. "More than once. Sometimes from pirates and imperials, sometimes from myself. He was the only one there to salvage my remaining sanity after..." My voice cuts off and I shake my head, glaring up at the nosey pirate through the hair hanging over my face. "Forgive my stupidity, but I don't understand why you're accusing him of doing no good when he tried to help me save your brother when you wouldn't lift a single finger."
"Take it easy, Shae," comes a grumble from the floor. I look down to see Jonan stirring awake, his blue eyes blinking open slowly. "Not everyone can be as great as me." Upon seeing Balthier's irritated expression, he shakes his head. "Right. Not in the mood."
"How long have you been awake?" I ask, watching him start to sit up. He winces, rubbing the back of his head.
"Just about thirty seconds, honestly. Long enough to hear you lecturing your new friend." He looks back at the two of us. "Or is he 'something more'...?" He laughs weakly.
"Feeling any better?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he breathes. "Stop mothering me."
"I'm not mothering," I huff, glancing at Balthier. The sky pirate runs a hand through his short blonde-tipped hair and traces the edge of one pointed sideburn. How he's kept them so precise for so long really is a wonder. "You were on the verge of death two hours ago."
"I'm not anymore." With great effort, he crosses his legs and faces us like a child ready to hear a story. "My head hurts, though. Where are we, a tavern?"
"You're not drinking," I snap. He only frowns, taking a deep breath. "Why were you being chased?" A sad smile pulls across his lips and his eyes flit up to mine.
"Do you really want to know?"
"We went through all this trouble to save your worthless life, so yes, we do," Balthier replies stiffly. "We wasted a day of travel for you."
"Ah. Chasing Daddy, are we?" He receives no reply, so he clears his throat awkwardly. "Imperials... Shae, you must know how far I've fallen down the drain. No money, plenty of debt, all that rabble. I was naïve when I first started out and now I'm paying for it." Jonan sighs, rubbing his bare shoulder absent mindedly. "After I met up with you in Rabanastre, I was approached by a Judge who offered to pay me a small fortune. All I had to do was follow you and report your whereabouts. I suppose they knew you were meeting with Lady Ashe by then."
"I did wonder why you were everywhere that we were," I grumble, frowning. "Go on."
"Eventually, I was contacted by Vayne himself. I was to continue my communications directly with Doctor Cid instead of the Judge. He also paid me to tell he and Cid everything I knew about you, no matter how old or useless the information was."
"And that's how Cid knew about Adamar's demise," Balthier sighs, leaning back against the wall on the other side of the bed.
"So they had you spying on us so that they knew where Ashe was at all times, and because I was with them, it wouldn't raise much, if any, suspicion," I conclude, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Yeah, well..." Jonan sighs. "The last command he gave me was to kill you. Just slit your throat and bury you far away from the others. They would think you just ran off and gave up the chase." He shrugs. "I told them I'd do it, but never meant it. I tried to run and hide, but somehow, I was found every time. This was strike three." He forces a weak smile on his face. "This time was my last strike. And the knife... Sorry about that. I thought that maybe if I immobilized you, they'd take you alive and you could escape on your own from Vayne. It was a desperate move, I know."
"But you didn't kill me," I remind him, trying my hardest to sound optimistic.
"Vayne went this far to be rid of you, then," Balthier sighs. "Perhaps he's better off managing that war of his."
"That's the problem," Jonan cuts in, shaking his head. "He knows Shae has information no one else on Ivalice could access unless it came from her. She could easily fuel Resistance with her personal experiences alone—not that she would do so because she cares about the Insurgence," he adds with a slight smile, glittering eyes turning to me. "It'd probably happen in one of her fits of rage."
"I don't have fits of rage," I huff, rolling my eyes.
"Yes, you do," Balthier and Jonan reply at the same time. The boy glances up awkwardly to meet Balthier's glower and gives an anxious laugh.
"Anyway, we're here now and you need to be chasing Doctor Cid, right?"
"How do we know if you're not still reporting?" Balthier cuts in.
"I... guess you don't," Jonan admits. "But they tried to kill me out there. Looks to me like I've run out of uses if Shae's not dead by the time they find me again." Something about his wording must have sounded like a threat because Balthier's fingers twitch by instinct, searching for a trigger that's not there. Sighing, I rest one of my hands on top of his before turning back to Jonan.
"And where are you going to go? I don't want them to kill you, Jonan."
"And why not?" he counters, a bitter bite enveloping his voice. His hands pick at the blanket wrapped loosely around his closed legs. "I've done nothing but ruin you in revenge for something you did purely out of panicked naivety six years ago. Don't try to sugar coat it, Shae. Those times, the ways I took my payments... That was rape. That's not..." He clears his throat, swallowing hard. "That's not who I ever wanted to be, but here I am, I guess. Nothing more than a useless pile of shit."
"That sounds about right," Balthier replies coldly. My heart hits the floor of my stomach.
"Balthier—!"
"However, I'm not concerned with what you've done. I've seen change in the brief time I've been acquainted with you," the sky pirate continues. "I can only hope that you're being sincere and wish you the best of luck in your escape." He stands, dusting off the front of his shirt. "I'm off to request clean sheets. If I were you, Jonan, I would escape from the western docks and head across the water until you reach Rozzaria's western coast. Imperial influence is not allowed there. And give your liver a break for Fate's sake."
With that, he starts toward the door. Overcome with gratefulness, I leap up on my throbbing leg and take one step, catching his wrist. He turns back to see why I stopped him; his only response is a chaste kiss. I pull away after a moment, glancing up at him.
"Thank you."
His eyes fall to the floor for half a second before flitting back up. He nods and pulls his arm free from my grip, leaving the room in steady strides. I sigh, falling back onto the edge of the mattress. Jonan huffs a short, breathy laugh.
"Shera, you really do have a true knack for making men fall in love with you." I frown down at him and his gaze falls away. "I wasn't excluded from that, you know." Unsure of what to say, I try to quiet my pounding heart and stare long and hard at the young sky pirate. He glances up at me uncomfortably and shakes his head. "Sorry, you don't need to say anything. I shouldn't have told you that." He moves to lay back down. "It's just... I thought you should know if I do get caught—"
"You won't get caught," I interrupt, forcing myself to make eye contact. "And I know you don't want to hear it, but I do love you. Just... in the sense of a brother, or a close friend. You deserve a lover far better than myself."
"I'd have to disagree," he murmurs, pulling his blanket up to his collarbone and closing his eyes. "But you're a woman, so I also have to consider the fact that you know everything."
"That's right," I laugh. "You do, don't you?"
Balthier reappears a few minutes later, slowly walking up to the doorway and looking in. He stares at Jonan for one long, silent moment before looking at me. "Is he asleep?"
"Yeah," I nod, brushing the sleeping boy's hair from his face gently. "Did you get that bedding?"
"They don't have enough," he shakes his head. "But there's a newly set up room on the other side of Fran's."
"It's alright, I don't mind sleeping in my own bloodstains," I tease, peering up at him with a slight smile. He shakes his head again, crossing his arms.
"I'll not have you stay in here with him overnight."
"But—"
"No. The boy's prone to stupid decisions. If he suddenly decides that he needs to carry through to save his life, there's no common sense there to stop him. So, you're going to sleep down the hallway."
"He has common sense," I huff, rolling my eyes and hobbling a few steps toward him before stopping to take a rest by leaning against the wardrobe. Balthier raises an eyebrow.
"How old is he?"
"Eighteen, but—"
"Exactly. No common sense," he cuts me off, stepping forward and pulling my arm over his shoulders. Acting as my support, he helps me limp down the hallway to my new inn room. Penelo wishes us goodnight as she closes she and Fran's door and Basch nods in greeting as he walks past. He closes Jonan's door for us and heads downstairs. Balthier opens the door to the new room and helps me get to a chair before letting go, scanning the darkness.
"Are you heading back to your room?"
"Perhaps..." his voice trails off and he shakes his head. I frown, watching the sky pirate think. Since we met his father... I've never seen him at such a loss for words for so long. He never seems to know just what to say anymore. He's always scatterbrained. He's lost his honeyed, smooth diction. He paces across the room, resting one hand on his hip and running the other through his hair as he stares out the barred window.
"Balthier?"
"We should get the blood washed out of those clothes. They're torn as well," he says suddenly, turning to face me.
"Is that an odd sort of request for me to take my clothes off?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Technically, yes, that's what I'm asking," he admits. "But only for the sake of having clean laundry. The woman working in the back wouldn't mind patching that hole in your pants."
"I'll trust you on this one," I mutter, though I'm only joking.
I stand and limp to the door, closing it and tossing my crimson-spotted shirt at Balthier. I'm lucky I'm wearing a black half-shirt beneath. He catches the shirt, waiting expectantly for my black pants. Once he also has those in hand, he helps me toward the bed and starts toward the door. Just as his fingers wrap around the doorknob, he pauses, glancing over his shoulder.
"You know... if you wanted everything cleaned, you could also take off your underg—"
"No, you disgusting imbecile," I snap.
He chuckles, shaking his head and leaving the room. I huff a disbelieving laugh and curl up beneath the heavy blankets. We're a day behind Cid. But... But we saved Jonan's life. That's more than anything I could have ever asked for. Tomorrow, we start our long days of travel up again. Whatever will bring Vayne's reign to an end, I'll follow. It's not so much about revenge anymore. It's about protecting those I love from greed and death.
Just as I drift toward the edge of sleep, all light cast from the hallway blacks out and the bed shifts until a wall of warmth hits my back. Fighting sleep off for only a moment longer, I turn onto my other side and curl up against Balthier's back. His vest is gone now; it's just his smooth white shirt. I shake my head and go still, finally ready to rest. No, the Fates didn't "force" us together for Vaan's noise or for an adventure or for my money problems. I was placed here to find something worth living for, other than vengeance. And here, in the dark and the quiet of this madhu-scented inn room, I wholly believe I might've found it.