Chapter 3: AIGEN
"Mother!"
Maria could not stifle a scream. Nor could she bring herself to look at the Captain, certain he would look angry or revolted or, worst of all, amused. But when she finally stole a glance at him, he was staring at Reverend Mother, slack-jawed with amazement and confusion.
The old woman ignored Maria's outburst and addressed herself to Captain von Trapp.
"Hear me out, Captain. As your wife, Maria can easily get the papers she needs to get your children safely over the border. Once you've joined them, she can simply return to Salzburg."
"I beg your pardon, Reverend Mother," he said stiffly, "but as it happens, I have decided not to marry again. And if I'm not mistaken, Fraulein Maria plans to become a nun! How on earth-"
"I'm not talking about a real marriage, Captain. Just a temporary arrangement. Once you are reunited with your children, the marriage can be annulled. As though it never existed, in the eyes of God and the law both."
Maria stared at Reverend Mother, searching for any hint of the warmth, kindness and understanding she'd found there over the years, but all that was left was the grim determination in her gaze and the stubborn set of her jaw.
"It just might work," she heard the Captain say.
"You can't be serious," Maria whirled to face him.
"I'm almost out of time, Fraulein. As I say, the Germans are unlikely to believe that I'd send my children to Italy without a responsible adult. I have no other choice, and," he said with a cheerless smile, nodding toward Reverend Mother, "it looks like you don't either. I can assure you, I'll pay you handsomely for your trouble."
"I don't want your money, Captain."
"Then do it for my children. I don't care why you do it, frankly."
As overbearing as ever, he began issuing a rapid stream of orders without skipping a beat.
"I will drop the children at home and then go to the Mayor's office and make the arrangements. The license, the papers. Meanwhile, you, Fraulein Maria, will pack your bags and come to the Mayor's office in a taxi. I'll expect you within an hour."
"Ehrm- shouldn't it be in a church?" Maria asked, latching onto a small detail as though it mattered in the midst of the insanity.
"No," he said curtly, "easier to undo it this way."
"It's all right, Maria," Reverend Mother said gently. "After all, it's only a marriage of convenience. You do understand what I mean by that, Captain, don't you?" she said sternly, looking at him over her glasses.
He fixed them both with a withering stare.
"Yes, yes, of course. You don't have to worry about that. Fraulein, I'll see you shortly."
Without another word, Captain von Trapp hurried from the room.
"Mother, have you lost your mind?" Maria cried. She could not believe that she was speaking to Reverend Mother that way, but then again, she could not quite believe any of this was happening.
"Listen to me, Maria. You've got to get out of here. After the way those men behaved last night, you are not safe here. They're certain to return, if not tonight, then soon."
"Those men aren't going to bother with someone like me," Maria said dismissively, but Reverend Mother only shook her head.
"Oh, but they will, Maria. You are quite attractive, you know."
"Why can't I just go to Vienna, then? What about the teaching job you mentioned?"
"I'm sorry, Maria," the old woman took a deep breath before continuing, "but it's fallen through. I have nowhere else to send you."
"How could you, Mother? After everything that happened? You are forcing me to marry a man I have come to despise!" Desperation made Maria defiant. "And another thing, Reverend Mother. Now that I'm not going to take my vows, I don't have to do as you say. I'm not one of the sisters, or a novice, or even a postulant, not anymore. I know I was the one who asked to stay on for a while and sort things out for myself, but the last thing I need is for you to interfere in my life!"
"Maria," the old woman said, "Do you really think I am doing this to play matchmaker? I am doing this to protect you! And if I can't get you to understand that, then do it for the children. They have been through so much and now they must leave behind the only home they've ever known. From what you've told me, they trust you. You are the closest thing they have had to a mother since their own died."
Maria felt the tug on her heart strings, along with the habit of years of obedience to this wise old woman. Not to mention that she had nowhere else to go. After a long, silent struggle, she bowed her head in defeat.
"Very well, then. If there is no other choice. I'll do it for the children."
"Bless you, my child." Reverend Mother hesitated. "May I give you one piece of advice? If I were you, I wouldn't tell Captain von Trapp that you've decided not to take your vows. It will be – ehrm – less complicated if he believes you are coming back to Nonnberg to become a nun."
"All right, Mother, if you say so," Maria promised, and then she was swept into a whirlwind of activity, a frantic hour in which she said her goodbyes, packed her few belongings, whispered a quick prayer in the Chapel, and climbed into a taxi at Nonnberg's gate. The whole time, she felt like she was caught in some kind of nightmare, one she would surely wake from soon. Only when she arrived in the Mayor's office did she accept that this was no nightmare, but the life she was somehow being forced to live.
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Like any little girl, Maria had imagined herself as a bride. Despite the modest circumstances of her upbringing, she dreamed of a long white dress, flowers and a veil, a priest in rich red robes, and the hazy impression of a handsome, adoring groom.
Her real wedding featured none of those things, taking place as it did in a brightly lit office, while telephones rang and typewriters clacked in the background, with two bored clerks serving as witnesses and a groom who looked alternately annoyed and distracted, as though he'd rather be anywhere else. When she missed her cue to respond, he poked her shoulder as though asking her to make space for him on a crowded bus.
"I will," she croaked.
The mayor, having raced through his reading from a creased, soiled piece of paper, looked up long enough to say,
"Give her the ring."
She was trembling so hard that the Captain had to grab firmly at her hand with both of his before forcing a plain gold band onto her finger. It was the first time he'd ever touched her, she thought, if you didn't count the Laendler in the garden, when she'd felt the tantalizing heat of his touch, even though his gloves. Now, his hands were as hard and cold as marble.
"How about you?" the mayor asked.
Maria felt her cheeks burn with humiliation when her eyes, along with the mayor's and the witnesses, were all drawn to the Captain's right hand, which still wore his late wife's ring.
"No," Captain von Trapp said tersely.
"Then you can go ahead kiss her," the mayor said, folding the paper and dropping it onto a nearby desk. Maria felt her cheeks turn even hotter when the man added, "I mean, if you want," but of course, there was no kiss.
The taxi ride back to the villa was undoubtedly the most awkward fifteen minutes of her life. The mountain, she told herself. You're up on the mountain, with a blue sky arching above, and a lark's song is filling the air, and if you listen hard, you will hear the sound of a brook tripping along, and you are dancing across a green meadow.
"You left without saying goodbye," he spat, "even to the children."
The mountain vanished and she was in the back of a taxi, winding through the streets of Salzburg, so late on the summer afternoon that long shadows were vanishing into the dusk as storekeepers locked their doors and gates.
"It was wrong of me," Maria said quietly. "Please forgive me."
"Why did you?"
"Please don't ask me. Anyway, the reason no longer exists."
And it was true. At this moment, the Captain's harsh and uncaring manner made it hard for Maria to summon the feelings she'd once thought she'd had for him. Who could love a man like this?
They sat in cold silence for a minute.
"I'm not any happier about this than you are, you know," he said, drumming his fingers against this knee.
It was a relief to let anger overtake the last trace of mortification she felt for her own situation, or any bit of sympathy over his broken engagement.
"Then why did you agree to it, Captain?"
"Why did you agree to it, Fraulein?"
Because I have nowhere else to go, she wanted to shout, and the Abbey is not really responsible for me anymore, and my job in Vienna has fallen through.
"Only the children," she finally settled on an answer, and then remembering Reverend Mother's advice, "and obedience, of course."
"I thought you had not yet taken your vows."
Time to change the subject, Maria thought.
"Tell me about our plans, Captain, if you wouldn't mind?" but he only flicked his eyes toward the driver and shook his head, and they rode the rest of the way in silence.
Once inside, the villa was strangely quiet. The foyer looked nothing like it had the last time she'd seen it, the night of the party; now it was bare of floral arrangements, and only single lamp was lit. Baroness Schrader and Herr Detweiler were gone, of course, but so were the servants.
"Frau Schmidt left a cold supper in the kitchen," the Captain said. He began to sort through the day's mail. "I've given the whole staff the weekend off. By the time they return, we'll all be gone, and they will be able to say that they know nothing of our whereabouts."
"About the arrangements, Captain-"
"Liesl knows that we're leaving for good, and has gotten everyone packed up, on the pretense of a brief holiday before school begins. The others will be so thrilled to have you aboard, that they won't ask too many questions. Your job is simply to escort them to Italy, where I've made arrangements for you to stay until I can join you."
"But, Captain, aren't Italy and Germany allies?"
He looked up from his task, and for the first time, seemed to regard her with at a tinge of interest.
"Yes," he said somberly, "the ties to Germany are too close for comfort. I wouldn't be surprised if they go looking for me in Italy. There's one of them especially – Zeller – it's personal with him. But Italy is only a temporary stop. Once I arrive, we won't stay more than a day or two, and I have a plan for where to go after that. But that doesn't concern you. Once we leave Italy, you'll be free to return to Austria. Or go anywhere else you'd fancy. As I promised, you'll be compensated for your trouble."
"Are we going to tell them about – I mean, do we have to – ehrm - ?" she fumbled, and was immediately relieved when he shook his head.
"About the marriage? I see no need to. Do you agree? After all, it's simply a temporary business arrangement."
"Right," Maria said. While she didn't like the idea of deceiving the children, it would be far crueler to tell them they had a new mother, only have her vanish from their lives again. She turned to climb the stairs toward the nursery, eager to see her charges again, when he stopped her.
"Fraulein? One more thing before you go."
She stopped and turned back to where he stood at the bottom of the stairway, hesitating, just like he had that afternoon when they'd first argued about his children – the first of many arguments, but the beginning of her complicated feelings for him, too. He looked down at his feet and then up at the ceiling, as though his next sentence must be written there.
"Fraulein. I have not forgotten everything you did for me and my family this summer. And now I cannot manage this escape without you, and so, once again, it seems that I am in your debt. Neither one of us was entirely happy about this arrangement, but here we are. If I was less than gracious this afternoon, I apologize, and I promise that I will attempt to be as civil as possible until the ordeal is behind us. It should only be a matter of a few days. In the meantime, let us at least try to make the best of things. If not for me, then do it for the-"
His last words were lost to an explosion of sound: banging doors, rushing footsteps and cries of happiness, as a swarm of von Trapp children surrounded her, lighting the dim foyer with their joy at being reunited with their governess. The Captain vanished into his study. Maria and the children ate supper in the kitchen and she let them stay up far too late dancing and singing in the old governess' room, keeping one ear cocked for their father's complaints. But there was no sign of him.
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Gretl was already asleep when she tucked the little girls into bed, and the others, despite their excitement about the next day's trip, retired without too much fuss. Maria was back in her room, settling on her knees to pray, when there was a knock on the door. She opened it to find Captain von Trapp holding a small cardboard box.
"Captain?"
He was wearing that peculiar garment he often wore on evenings at home, the one that looked like a cross between a dinner jacket and a dressing gown. But this was not the proper Captain she knew from the summer: tonight, he wore no tie, he was unshaven, and a lock of hair hung over his forehead.
"Was there something you wanted, Captain?"
Without asking her permission, he stalked into the room, kicked the door closed behind him and placed the box on the floor. When he straightened up, he shot her an unnerving grin and began to prowl in circles around her.
"Perhaps I just came to see what I've gotten for myself. A wife! I can hardly believe it, but I seem to have acquired another wife for myself. Women across Europe wanted nothing more than to be the next Baroness von Trapp, and you – you, my dear Fraulein, you have won the prize! Why you among all of them should be given another opportunity to fire away at me, you, the only one against whom I am powerless to fire back-" he lapsed into incoherent muttering.
What had happened to the gallant, olive-branch-extending Captain she'd last seen in the foyer? She snatched her dressing gown from the bed and clasped it to her chest.
"Have you been drinking, Captain?"
His crossed his arms against his chest, eyes gleaming wickedly in his unshaven face.
"Only a little, and what if I have? What else should a bridegroom be doing on his wedding night? Other than the obvious, of course, which I made a foolish promise not to-" he stopped his prowling abruptly and peered at her. "You do realize, don't you, that I'd be within my rights to claim what's mine right this minute? There's not a court in Austria who would find fault with me for doing so, no matter what your Reverend Mother says."
Maria's pulse pounded in her ears and she felt a cold trickle of sweat slide down her back.
"It's a good thing for you I'm an honorable man. You don't need to be scared of me, Fraulein. Or should I say Baroness?"
"I'll stick with Fraulein, if you don't mind, Captain," she said, edging toward the door and feeling for the doorknob behind her. "And I'm not scared of you."
"Oh, but you are," he drawled. "You're doing that thing with your chin you do when you're trying to look defiant, but you're secretly terrified." He tipped his chin upward to demonstrate, and then, in a flash, he was across the room and had her boxed in against the door with his arms. He smelled like cologne and brandy and himself.
"You don't like me very much, do you?" he asked.
Maria felt her cheeks turn warm.
"No, I don't."
"But you did. We used to get on so well, and then you ran away." he scowled.
"Captain," she said, trying to keep her voice level, "could you move aside?"
"In a moment," he grumbled. "First, I want a truthful answer from you, Fraulein. You did like me, didn't you?"
She took a deep breath.
"I did, yes, but I don't anymore."
His eyebrows lifted in surprise.
"That was honest," he said admiringly. "I'll be honest too, then. I find you exasperating, but I still like you."
"Is there a woman you don't like, Captain?"
She was just the smallest bit disappointed when he dropped his arms and stepped away from her with a bark of laughter.
"I deserved that. Well played, Fraulein. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore, anyway. Whatever happened in the past, we'll need to put it behind us."
"Exactly," she said weakly. "And so if that will be all, Captain-"
"No," he said, looking slightly embarrassed, "I – erhm – I'm afraid I got distracted. I came here to give you some things for tomorrow."
He bent over to rummage in the box on the floor. When he straightened up, the playful, unsteady Captain had vanished, and he was back to his usual correct self. He handed her a large envelope.
"In the morning, you'll be taking them by train to Milan. The train tickets, the passports, and your instructions are in here. Read them carefully, and then burn them," he nodded toward the stove. "The instructions, that is. Do try not to burn the tickets or the passports, all right?"
"Very well, Captain. Is that all?"
"Where's the ring?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"The wedding ring. Why aren't you wearing it?"
"You can't be serious, Captain. I'm alone in my room – at least I should be alone – preparing to retire, and you expect me to be wearing a wedding ring even though the whole thing is a-"
"A sham. I know. I don't care what you wear, or don't wear for that matter," he smirked, "but make sure you're wearing it when you leave for Milan. If anyone questions you, it's going to be hard enough for them to believe it as it is. I can hardly believe it myself."
"And now if you are done with your instructions, Captain,"
"Wait. One more thing."
Now he was presenting her with a small box made of dark, gleaming wood, ornately carved with leaves and flowers.
"I have to travel light, and there are a few mementos I wish to – I would be grateful if you would carry this across the border for me. If you are searched, there is nothing that should cause you trouble." A smile flitted across his face and he lifted a stern finger in mock rebuke. "No peeking, though."
"Of course not, Captain. Now, if there is nothing else you needed-"
"Any questions?" he asked.
In fact, Maria had a million questions for him. Why had he cut her dead at the party? Had she just imagined his eyes on her all summer? What would have happened at the end of their dance if the children had not been watching? Why hadn't he married Baroness Schrader?"
"No, Captain."
"Very well. You won't see me in the morning. Just get them fed and into Salzburg in time for the train to Milan. The instructions will tell you what to do on the other end. You can expect to see me shortly."
"But what if you don't-"
His lips curved in a surprisingly gentle smile. "I will. Don't worry." He turned to open the door, but just before he disappeared into the corridor, he turned back in her direction. "Fraulein?"
"Yes, Captain?"
"Thank you and – good luck."
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Thanks so much for the lovely reviews. You know I am giving you a review holiday if you want, right? I haven't even written to thank you individually – too much going on at work – but lots more story ahead! Don't own, all for love.
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