Second Day: 'First Mission'

It was everyone's first day. Almost none of them wanted to be there, but their names were drawn from the raffle and they were nearly forced to go to the war no one wanted to fight.

Deidara had met Sasori on the bus heading to the aircraft that would take them to the twelve week training camp. Once there, they would learn how to survive and fight in Vietnam, representing their country. Deidara was nineteen but Sasori was two years older at twenty-one. The war had all ready been going on for seven years.

They had been put in the same bunker but their beds were away from each other and they had rarely talked. That had been the first day before they were going through the routine of getting their things and being managed. Deidara still occasionally reached for his hair that was no longer there, now cut short. He once looked at Sasori who didn't seem to care about the change of style, and Deidara wished that his vanity would vanish.

Throughout the weeks, Deidara had unconsciously stayed near the older male but he would deny the fact that it reassured himself. The training was brutal, the food mediocre but at times it was better than the powdered milk he had to drink at home. But as the twelve weeks were nearing its end, Deidara, along with a few other teens, were worried for their lives.

None of them knew what they were up against, leaving the country for the first time and to fight in a war all the more.

The first time Deidara shot his gun and killed a member of the Viet Cong he had thrown up and Sasori was there to rub his back and keep him out of the line of fire. Deidara was yelled at by their lieutenant, of course, but afterwards Sasori just patted his shoulder and told him that it was a natural and that a killing instinct, wasn't something that was inate. But it was something that had to be adapted by this point.

Deidara knew why they were fighting, hearing it enough from the other men while they walked. "Damn Commies! That's why we're here, the fuckers!" everyone seemed to adapt JFK's policy on stopping communism even if they didn't understand it well themselves. The man had been dead for four years.

Deidara stayed silent through all of their rants, Sasori doing so as well. Deidara's mother was against the war and he wasn't sure if it was because of his forced joining, or it was because she vetoed violence all together. He would often wonder what she would say to him when he got home. If he got home.

Not many knew about the damage of war, but Deidara knew now. There was no designated fighting zone, they lost territory as fast as they took it. They moved around so much that Deidara had blisters from his poor footwear. Sasori was the one who bandaged his feet with his supplies from his first aid kit.

Deidara didn't know why this stranger he met on a bus was helping him. There were other underprivileged teens his age dealing with the exact same thing as him. Sasori wasn't helping him out of coincidence.

Once when they were resting for the night, Deidara had confronted Sasori. "Why are you helping me so much, un?"

Sasori was looking up from his rations with furrowed brow. "Do you want me to stop."

Deidara hesitated but he shook his head. It was good to have someone looking after you, even if it made him look weak. It filled him with reassurance, that he still denied, that everything was going to be all right. "I just feel like it's unfair for you if you're always helping me, un."

Sasori shrugged and shoved his rations back into his pack haphazardly. "Then watch my back as well and we'll be even."

Deidara considered it a moment, but he nodded his head. "That's only fair."

–

They came out of fucking nowhere every time. It was only fair considering it was their home that they were fighting in, that they would know where to hide and why the battle field was always so scattered. If it wasn't for Sasori, Deidara would have died multiple times, easily from gun fire alone. But once it had been a mine that Sasori had detected before him, and he pulled him back before either of them stepped on it.

Deidara hadn't saved Sasori once. The most he had provided was when the older male was low on rations and Deidara had offered Sasori some of his. Another time, Sasori was cut on a tripwire and Deidara had bandaged him up.

Every once and a while when they stopped at a camp where nurses would help the wounded soldiers, Deidara would see cameras, photos being taken. Sasori always managed to stay out of the shot, claiming that it did no good to anyone if they saw his face or not. Deidara just worried that someone else would see the horrors of war. They did.

But to be honest, Deidara could not wait for his tour to be done. Just 365 days, that was how long he had to stay. Sasori never told him his tour length and Deidara nearly hoped it was the same as his. He didn't want the man to suffer longer just because he was older.

Things were going smoothly for the past few months and Deidara hadn't seen combat for nearly two months, and when he did, it was minor, just a few rebels trying to fight which were easily dealt with a bullet to the head. Deidara still didn't like killing.

Deidara was only six months into his tour, had all ready missed Christmas, when they had gotten news on the American embassy being attacked. He had listened to the radio with Sasori and others, listening to the fighting but most cheered when the Viet Cong had fallen back with major losses. Sasori made no comment and went back to cleaning his gun.

There were more cameras after that and Deidara did his best to ignore them, like Sasori did. When they were allowed to speak in a hushed whisper, Deidara would tell Sasori about his home. How his father had left his too independent mother when he was only ten. About his mother going from job to job and Deidara had to wear shoes he found in the dumpster. His mother had been proud that he was starting to take care of himself, that he wasn't a picky child either.

Sasori spoke rarely of his past but when he did, Deidara listened with all intent. "I was raised by my grandmother who didn't give a rat's ass to what I did. Most of the time I would party at my university, get kicked out, but she didn't care. She just enrolled me in another one and went back to running her empire as she called it. I was well off but... that didn't mean that I was a good person."

Deidara would listen silently as Sasori continued to tell stories with his smooth voice, nearly putting Deidara to sleep if he didn't have anything better to do. His parents had died when he was six and he had been spoiled in every sense by his grandmother who's only maternal instinct was to give a child to a nurse maid.

Sasori also told him how he voluntarily joined the war, but not to rebel against his only living relative, but to actually do something with the life he had wasted so far. Deidara had admired that about him.

Time continued to go on and Deidara's blisters turned into callouses. He was tired of seeing killing and death everywhere. He had seen a child running through the blood of his father once, to get away from the man who killed him. And Deidara had only heard of it from when the war first started, but there were rumors that the monks still set themselves on fire in retaliation of the war.

If it wasn't for Sasori, Deidara was sure he would find a way to end all of it now, before his tour ever got to the last of it's days. It nearly wasn't worth it. But Sasori stayed strong and that gave Deidara strength and hope.

They hadn't seen battle for such a long time, but when the familiar boom rang out, Deidara had dropped to the mud, Sasori following after him. It was automatic for them to get their guns out and fire at the general direction of the enemy. Sasori's presence beside Deidara gave him all the strength he needed, but when his friend was called a few meters away to help someone, Deidara had to hold in his panic for the safety of the man and continue firing.

This went on for what felt like an eternity to Deidara but it all seemed to come to a stop when he felt something come barreling into his leg. He gave a shout and dropped his gun to clutch at his calf, feeling the warm liquid gushing out in pools below him.

He was panting heavily as he looked around for someone to help him and he spotted Sasori and yelled for him, but his voice was muffled over the sound of bombs and rapid firing of guns. Deidara kept his head down and ducked under the mound of dirt as he continued to stare at Sasori, willing him to look over. Deidara began looking around, because he knew damn well that no chopper would come if only one man was shot. He felt like shit for wishing it, but he hopped others got hurt before he bled out.

Soon the noises of gunfire began to cease and Deidara was convinced that the fighting was over. But with the snarl set on Sasori's face, Deidara couldn't have been more wrong. It was still going on and Deidara was slipping into unconsciousness.

He whispered one last unheard plea before darkness finally fell over his eyes.

–

I'm dead.

His mouth opened, and he began gasping, unable to inhale. He was numb all over and when he moved his hands he couldn't feel them. He tried with other parts of his body, but he could feel nothing. Tears came to his eyes and he managed to pry them open to realize there was only darkness.

Then a weight settled on top of him.

He gasped as any remaining air was knocked out of him and his ears finally managed to work. He heard men talking.

"How many more are going to fucking die before this is over?"

Deidara swore he felt someone kick him in the gut. Die? He wasn't dead, he... He wasn't!

He smacked his mouth, licking his lips as he cried out softly, only a crackled protest coming from his sore throat. More bodies were piled on top of him and that only fueled his fight, but it also added weight to his despair.

Sucking in the rest of the air that was left in the body bag, he let out his loudest scream and did his best to thrash, hoping someone would hear that he was still alive. Everything seemed to go silent after that and Deidara knew he was falling under again.

Something indistinct was yelled and soon Deidara was feeling light again. He practically sobbed. He was dying but he was too tired to do anything about it. He was blinded afterwards and belived that maybe Heaven was opening up for him and he smiled pitifully, a few more sobs leaving his throat leaving him as he was carried into the light, but then the pain came back and he clenched his eyes shut, groaning as he did so.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," someone was whispering it to him. The one who got him out, and when Deidara managed to unhinge his eyelids, he saw the brown eyes he memorized from the first day. Sasori was holding him close, still muttering apologies over and over again but Deidara couldn't even manage to say, "It's okay."

He just held onto Sasori's shirt as the man gathered his strength and got him to one of the other helicopter they had ready for the injured. Someone was shouting, probably the lieutenant, to make sure that everyone in the body bags were dead before stacking them on top of each other in the chopper.

Deidara's head lolled to the side and it hit Sasori's shoulder as the man was about to set him inside with the others. He was passing out again and he couldn't stop it this time. He opened his mouth and tried to say thank you, but his voice just cracked and Sasori shushed him as he talked to one of the nurses to make sure his leg was okay.

When Sasori came back to him, Deidara managed to hold his shirt and bring him close but the only thing he managed to mutter was, "Sasori." Then the nurse shoved the man out of the way to check on him but all Deidara saw was Sasori's pain-laced face and he wished that he would never have to see it like that again.

–

When he had finally come to, he felt all of it. The pain and soreness of war and he groaned, eyes slamming shut as it felt like he had the best party of his life only to experience the massive hangover afterwards.

A nurse was by his side and she calmly explained everything to him. He was out for a week due to the blood loss, and had been on liquid food during that time, which explained the hollowness in his gut.

She began talking about his leg, his knee down and how it was going to be amputated and Deidara's breath began to become shallow. The nurse reassured him that no such thing was done but that there was tendons in his leg that were severed and that he would never be able to do past activities again. Running was out of the picture, riding a bike (if he could afford one) would stretch the poor muscles. Walking would require crutches in the beginning but after a time he could use a cane.

Deidara took it all in stride and he just nodded when she asked if he understood. She left after that, soon bringing some jello for him, seeing if he could stomach that. He couldn't find himself to do even that.

When he saw brown, all he saw were Sasori's eyes and the last expression he saw the man give him. He had heard Deidara cry out, and he had saved him. Deidara knew that he would always be in his debt because if he was not found then he would have died from suffocation alone.

After an hour the nurse was going to spoon feed him, but he denied and picked up the plastic bowl with shaky hands. He ignored his surroundings completely as he ate the new bland pudding but he knew that there were others in a worse conditions than him.

There was noise everywhere but he continued to pay attention to his food. A half hour passed when he managed to finish it and the nurse smiled at him, telling him he did good. But Deidara could see the pity and resentment in her eyes. She didn't want to be there. No one did.

Later another nurse came and she seemed to do more than pity. She was nice and she even spent time with Deidara when he was alone in the common room. Her name was Kurotsuchi, known as Kuro, and she was genuinely nice to him. She could be rough and sturdy when she had to be, like when you wouldn't take your medicine, but she was basically a God sent.

But no matter how much Deidara talked to her or how much they both opened up to each other, Deidara didn't seem to form the connection that she wanted of him. But she still asked how he was doing everyday and he always replied with whatever half-assed smile he could, saying, "Just fine. How about yourself, un?"

But it wasn't fine. Within the first week symptoms were showing. He was walking into the common room with his crutches when someone was changing the record on the phonograph. They managed to drop the needle too soon and a large boom filled the room.

Deidara dropped to the floor like it was second nature and covered his head as tears sprung from his eyes. He could hear all of it, the bombs exploding, the missiles being fired and the shouting as men died. He could all ready smell the blood when someone had their hands on him, asking if he was all right but all he heard was, "I'm sorry" over and over again and he nearly thought it was Sasori but when he looked up, all he saw was Kuro and his spirits dropped.

He knew where he was. And he knew who wasn't with him. The nurses had seen this before and treated him no different.

But one night, he was shivering in his cot and a nurse was walking by. She took kindness on him and pulled his blanket up over his shoulder nearly pulling it over his face.

The nightmares started and he was back in that bag, screaming to get out until he was sure his throat would begin bleeding. An hour into his nightmare, he was actually screaming and it took three nurses to hold him down so they could administer him some sedatives.

After that he was on careful watch.

It continued like this while his nightmares tormented him, until the point where he loathed sleep. But one day the pattern changed and he looked at Kuro as she held an envelope out to him.

He looked at her and she smiled, saying it was from a friend. When Deidara looked at the sender, his heart nearly stopped. It was from Sasori.

He tried to contain his dread, expecting to see that his friend was deceased but when he tore open the envelope he saw it was a letter. The man was asked how he was doing, how his recovery was, and if he was being treated fairly. He told him how boring it was, but that he was was glad that Deidara was safe. Deidara must have read it ten times until they called a lights out.

Deidara slept with the letter clutched to his chest.

The next morning he asked Kuro if there had been any other letters, ones from his mother. The nurse smiled and said she would check. A half hour later she had come back with a dejected air around her. There were none.

He wrote Sasori a letter back that morning.

–

The letters continued. Sometimes they would take a few weeks to be received and sent out but they got to their destination eventually. Their conversations consisted of them talking about their past, like it had been before. Some of them contained things that they missed.

Deidara wrote 'snow'.

Sasori wrote 'apples'.

Deidara wrote 'some good quality books'.

Sasori wrote 'playboy'.

Deidara had laughed out loud at that one and had agreed with the older male. Their letters consisted of jovial comments back and forth and it got Deidara through his day when he read them. But on the weeks where he had to wait for the letters, everything seemed dark. Those letters were the only light he could find in this hellhole.

It continued like this for a few months, when Deidara only had three more months left of his tour. That was when he decided to write a letter to his mother, explaining his situation that he was out of battle due to his injury, but that he would be home soon. His hand trembled as he wrote it, afraid of her response, or lack of one.

He handed the paper to Kuro and she smiled with a nod before making sure it was sent to America. Deidara waited with bated breath.

Two of Sasori's letters reached him but Deidara continued to wait for his mother's reply. She would, he guaranteed it.

In the meantime, he and Sasori continued to send letters back and forth. Sasori still hadn't told Deidara the length of his tour but Deidara's was done. In his last letter before being shipped off home, he wrote Sasori his address and told him to never stop writing.

He convinced himself that his letter to his mother got lost in the mail.

–

Deidara still had his crutch because he wasn't allowed to have a cane yet, and he kept it out of the way of the other passengers on the airplane, other soldiers ready to go home.

Most were talking excitedly about seeing their girlfriends, wives, and family all around. Deidara didn't feel excitement in his gut, just anxiousness. He wrote another letter to his mother explaining when he was going to be home and where. Perhaps she could meet him there and they could go home together. Again, his mother never replied.

When the plane began descending, Deidara felt his stomach drop in apprehension. It was going to be all right, he knew it. The plane landed with a bump and Deidara was clutching his arm rest with such vigor, the man next to him asked if he was all right. Deidara replied with a tense, "Fine, un."

Soon, they were all standing with their bags and since Deidara was near the front due to his crutches, he got off first. The sun was bright and he had to be careful when going down the steps, and when the airport finally cast a shadow over him, he saw that there were some people waiting by the plane, a few hopeful family members but there were some who looked downright upset. Deidara had no idea why, but when he finally stumbled onto the ground, a woman with short curly hair walked up to him and spat in his face, calling him a bastard, and a baby killer.

Deidara stared at her with wide eyes before someone escorted her away as she screamed more insults. Deidara wasn't even sure if he was happy to be home by this point. He swallowed the lump in his throat and continued limping away from the aircraft, his bag slung over his shoulder so he could leave the airport and find a cab to take him home. He didn't see his mother there.

–

The fare was ridiculous, but Deidara payed with whatever money the government gave him hobbled out onto the sidewalk next to his tiny, poor in state, house. His mother's flowers by the window were gone and her rose bushes resembled nothing but weeds.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed forward and opened the metal gate that squeaked loudly as he entered. He didn't even get to the door when it opened revealing a pallid looking woman that Deidara realized was his mother.

He couldn't even continue walking, just shocked to see her and she gave a shaky smile as tears filled her eyes. She did her best to get over to him quickly, but she was staggering so Deidara snapped himself out of his trance to meet her halfway.

She threw her arms over his shoulders and sobbed into his shoulder. Deidara wrapped his free arm around her and kept her close, inhaling her scent, expecting to smell the green tea she always made, but all he smelled was chemicals.

After a few minutes, she finally pulled away and grabbed his face, still smiling as she got a good look at him. "Your hair, sweetheart."

He nodded with a dry chuckle and her smile started to fall as if she just realized what she was doing. She ushered him inside where Deidara saw the inside of his home after a year. It was far more cluttered than when he left.

She made Deidara some tea with a cup that looked like it was rarely used, and her hands shook as she poured it so Deidara took over and poured it himself.

"S-so what have you been doing, Deidara?"

The blond was holding his cup of tea close to him, it being his only anchor at the moment. "I… I sent you letters about… my recovery. Did you get 'em, un?" He looked up hopeful and his mother's face turned grim as she stared at the stained tablecloth.

She nodded solemnly.

"Then why didn't you write back?"

She shook her head, her tired smile replaced by a deep frown and Deidara saw wrinkles on her face for the first time. "It's been… rough. With you at war and," she trailed off, not wanting to talk for the moment. "The war is terrible, Deidara," she finally conceded as she stared her son in the eye, her eyes matching his in hue. "The things that the soldiers do out there is… It's wrong and it's disturbing."

Deidara knew that she was against the war the whole time, but he didn't have a choice. "But you could 'ave replied, un," he tried again and she just shook her head again as she stared out the window.

"I could have."

The way she said it made the conversation come to a close and Deidara's tea was still hot in his hands. He gulped heavily as he willed his new tears to stay behind his eyes. You would think through all of this that he would be able to stop crying. "H-how have you been th-this past year, un?"

She didn't look at him as she smiled just barely. "When was the last time I made you a cake?"

Deidara didn't even know if she had ever done that, at least not in the last decade. "I don't know."

"I think I'll make one for you now." Getting up, she left her son at the table and began rummaging through cupboards that seemed emptier than Deidara remembered. She continued to push things aside before setting her hands on the counter with a long sigh. "I need to make a run to the store. I'll be right back," she said softly as she quickly changed out of her robe and left her son at the table.

Deidara took a deep breath before setting his tea down and heading to his room down the hall. When he opened his door, he saw it was still untouched from when he left. He nearly fell into his bed, his crutch falling to the ground noisily. He ignored it as he stared out the window to see a western scrub jay flittering on a branch of a nearby tree.

–

His first letter from Sasori came three weeks later. It had been the brightest thing Deidara had seen in weeks and he nearly ran to his room, limping all the while, but he ignored the pain and his mother's yells for him to be careful. Slamming his door shut, he sat down on his bed and opened the envelope to read what his companion had said.

He congratulated him on being home at last, told him about how the weather over there had just turned to rain, and it continued on. Deidara took comfort in Sasori's ramblings and he didn't even realize he was crying until something fell onto the paper. He hadn't registered just how much he depended on these letters to feel at peace.

He was only reading it a second time when he heard a thump somewhere in the house, something similar to a heavy object falling. Looking up from the paper, Deidara called out for his mother to ask if everything was okay, but when no reply was heard, he set his letter down and wiped away his tears as he opened his door to see what had happened. He felt cold dread fill him when he saw his mother on the floor with a plastic cup near her body.

Deidara didn't realize he was running until he was on the ground, clutching at his leg that seared in agony. After a minute he managed to crawl over to the woman who was starting to rouse from her induced state. He got to her just as she opened her eyes with bleariness, like she didn't know who was kneeling over her.

"Mom? You okay, un?" He grabbed her hand and realized how cold it was. She stared at him for a moment before blood began dribbling from his nostrils and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Deidara yelled hoarsely for her before he realized he had to get her to the hospital.

–

She was dying. It was obvious and she didn't think it was important to tell Deidara this at all. Deidara had spent an hour crying by her bedside at the hospital but she didn't seem moved at all. He had asked why she didn't tell him and she just shook her head. "I thought I would have been dead before you came home. That or you wouldn't have come home."

Deidara had stared at her, not really believing what she was saying. "But I'm here now, Mom."

"Yeah, but you can't do anything. You can't get a job because of the war. Nobody wants to hire a vet, Dei," she mumbled as she stroked his hand for barely a second before pulling away. "The only thing I can leave you with is debt. Life was never easy to us, Deidara. Never fair and it's just a damn shame."

Deidara could hear the bitterness in her voice. "But don't you want to at least be happy until… until the end, un?"

She stared at him for a moment longer than he was comfortable with but in the end she just looked away. "Happiness isn't going to fix anything, Deidara. The only thing you can do is work, but even then nothing will be simple." Her smile seemed less bitter than her other ones before she looked over at Deidara with a smidgen of hope. "Just don't let anyone get you down, Dei. No matter what shit life throws at you, keep on going. Don't give up like me."

Deidara couldn't do anymore than just nod.

–

It was an unspoken rule when they wrote letters that depressing topics were not allowed. But Deidara didn't know what to do anymore about his mother who was currently in hospice. He didn't have anymore friends from before the war. He had once ran into an old friend at the market but when she saw him, she cringed and quickly slunk away to avoid confrontation.

So Deidara told Sasori about his problems. He didn't seek pity, he really didn't, he just needed someone to talk to about this, whose outlook on life wasn't so dismal like his mother's.

The first letter back was written with Sasori's condolences. He didn't seem bothered by the content of the letter and instead offered Deidara some of his advice to keep his head high and not just with his mother's impending death, but with society as a whole. Sasori seemed to all ready know the people's reaction to vietnam soldiers.

Deidara had read the letter three times before he managed to gather his thoughts to start writing his reply when he heard his mother's hacking cough in the room next to his. The sound was always jarring and it had been happened more often than usual, but this time it sounded more labored.

He got up from his tiny desk to go to her room and check on her and see if she needed water. The coughs had died down, but her breathing was still haggard and he went to sit by her bed. "Do you need anything, Mom, un?" he tried to keep his voice steady as he watched her frail frame shake.

Shaking her head, she reached out blindly for his hand and Deidara took it, noting how weak her grip seemed to be. He smiled gently to reassure her but her eyes remained closed. For a moment everything was quiet except for her breaths and Deidara opened his mouth to tell her about his letters for the first time, but as he began to talk, he noticed that she simply stopped breathing.

A pit filled Deidara's stomach and he shook her arm gently. "Mom, un?" when there was no response he called for her again, but he knew what had just happened. He had seen enough death to recognize it, but she didn't even look different from before.

Deidara took a shuddering breath as he bit his lip to prevent himself from crying. He was done doing so, even if the circumstances would have allowed for it. It would fix nothing no matter how much he wanted to. Only after a minute, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead in parting before letting go of her limp hand to call the mortician. When he was done, he didn't understand why he was shaking so badly but he realized numbly that he was denying it. Her death. He shook his head and slowly sank to the floor when he remembered that she had accepted his before he had even come home.

–

She was given a pauper's funeral. She had all ready had her will set out from when she hired a cheap lawyer to help her and she set aside enough money for a small burial. Deidara's relatives found it nearly a disgrace to be given such a tribute and a few of his aunts wouldn't stop hounding him for it. He didn't really understand why they showed up.

He had a small family. His mother had two sisters and a brother and he only had four cousins all together. His father's side lost all contact as soon as the man left.

Towards the end of the small reception one of his aunts managed to put together with a budget, one of his cousins walked up to him with a tiny smile as if not to frighten him. She was his age, just a few months older.

"I… I know this is all hard on you Deidara, with the war," she stuttered briefly at that but continued on, sweat gathering on her brow. "If you ever need someone to talk to, about anything, I swear I will be there, okay?"

Deidara managed his best smile and thanked her before she gave him a hug. She smelled like lilies and her hair was soft against his cheek but he couldn't get past the fact that he all ready had someone to talk to, about anything, about everything. And he knew it wasn't going to change anytime soon.

–

His mother didn't leave him too much debt. The house was in poor shape, but the mortgage had been paid from the thirty years it had been lived in by his mother. Because the home was so small, water and electricity was so cheap, especially with only one person living there.

Though after a week of living in the home, Deidara was finally able to get a job. The friend who he had seen from the farmer's market had told her mother about it, and the woman pitied him enough to let him run one of her stalls at the market. The walk wasn't far, so Deidara took only one crutch to draw less attention to himself.

The hours were long, and he stood the whole time, with the occasional heavy lifting of boxes of fruit. Some people didn't know he was a vet, but the few who did see him, would stare at him with contempt or poorly concealed pity.

Deidara ignored it all and continued the only work he could manage to get.

The weeks continued on and Deidara still received letters from Sasori. He told him about his job, how he could take an apple or two home with an orange from the stand, free of charge. How his leg was getting better and he could soon use just a cane to get around. How even though he interacted with multiple dozens of people a day, he still felt lonely, and only Sasori's letters could seem to bring him out of his depressive state.

Sasori's replies always made Deidara smile, wether it was humor, or just so stupid that it was funny. Knowing that he was alive seemed to make Deidara keep going. He loved his trips to the post office to pick up more stamps, even if he had to rummage through his home to find lose change. It was worth it.

Deidara sent a letter out in the beginning of September and he expected Sasori's reply within four weeks. Two months passed and he received nothing.

He was in denial for the longest time. He knew Sasori couldn't have died, because that just wasn't him. He was smarter than that. But that didn't stop Deidara's nightmares of having to zip Sasori up in a body bag, knowing he was alive. Walking away and listening to his screams as he walked away.

Deidara couldn't remember how many times he's woken up screaming or in a cold sweat from these nightmares. At least three times a night, of that he was sure.

Waking up in the morning hurt his sore eyes, the crying the previous night disrupting his sleep. He would get up to get ready for work and see his sunken in eyes and his nearly hollow cheeks. He was sure he had been eating but apparently that wasn't the case.

Once ready for work, he headed towards the market with a cane he found lying around the house. It wasn't too sturdy and the metal handle wriggled from it's station, but it was something.

As soon as he was at the stall, he opened it up with the owner before putting the fruit on display. She left him after an hour to help tend he other stalls and life went on. Deidara tried to seem lively but the smile he somehow managed to plaster on his face for the past few months seemed to be wearing.

The farmer's market was going to be closing soon with the cooling weather and Deidara knew he'd have to find another job somehow. The morning chill settled into his leg and it ached, but there were no empty boxes for him to sit down on, so he rubbed it soothingly when he could.

He hadn't had a customer in over half an hour so he was leaning against the stall with his eyes closed, resting and hopping he wouldn't fall asleep and start screaming from his nightmares.

"I'd like to buy these."

A basket was placed on the stall and Deidara was startled to awareness, but not from the movement. He wide eyes looked with a brown hue that was ingrained into his memory from the very first day. He shook his head in disbelief and Sasori just laughed but as he opened his mouth to say some smart-ass comment, Deidara had hurried around the stall, and flung himself at him, startling the older man. Deidara didn't care if he never embraced him back, he just wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into his chest, eyes still wide and tears collecting in the corners.

Sasori chuckled and said something softly, but his arms came around him soon enough and he nearly sobbed. A few people looked at them but ignored them in general. he clutched at the shirt on his back and inhaled shakily, noting that he smelled the same.

Once Deidara managed to regain the breath that seemed to be stolen from him, he pulled away from Sasori and punched him in the shoulder, hard. "You fuckin' bastard, un," he muttered heatedly as he wiped away his tears with the heals of his palms. "No fucking letter for two whole months and now you just drop by? You're a dick, Sasori," he tried to say it strongly but it came out pathetic, even to his own ears.

Sasori's smile was apologetic and he reached out to get a tear that Deidara missed, and wiped it with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he said softly and Deidara shook his head, hating that phrase from those lips.

"You just worried me was all, un," he replied with an embarrassed chuckle, realizing his boss was staring at him. "Um, I'm working right now, but…" Deidara didn't want to see Sasori go and Sasori's small smile seemed to reassure him just barely.

"They sent me home rather quickly, so I couldn't write back because my granny kept me pretty busy, but I finally had some time to visit. I… I missed you."

Deidara's mouth went dry and he opened his mouth to return the sentiment but his boss came up and introduced herself to Sasori who shook her hand and charmed her with a smooth introduction. Deidara had no idea how the man stayed so composed with how much shit he had seen. He was just a good actor, Deidara realized.

"Well, Deidara here is still working, but once he gets off, the two of you can catch up. What was your last name again, son?"

"Akasuna," Sasori replied smoothly and the owner's eyes widened in realization.

"Oh, well, it's great to have you here. Were you planning on purchasing anything– actually, it's fine, it's on the house. Deidara, bag up his things," she ordered and Deidara saw that Sasori had already brought a basket.

Sasori shook his head and tried to tell the woman it was fine. "It's no trouble at all. Really, I came here to see Deidara, the fruits were just an extra. I'll pay–"

"Nonsense! Deidara," she barked once more and he jumped to attention, limping as he brought Sasori his basket. The older man just looked at him slightly disgruntled and Deidara felt that he was doing something wrong. Once Sasori saw his face, he quickly changed his demeanor and smiled gently.

"Thank you, Deidara. It seems that you're busy but I'll see you at when you get off, 'kay? Any specific time?"

Deidara hastily answered, "Six, un." and Sasori checked his wrist watch before sighing and waving as he walked away. Deidara seemed to be in a daze because his boss pinched him.

"You never told me that you knew an Akasuna," she accused and Deidara just shrugged.

"I met him a while ago and… he's just a friend, un."

She sighed and shook her head. "Well try to make him come around more and buy some goods. You could help around a little with things like that."

Deidara nodded meagerly, not wanting to displease his employer. What he began realizing was that the adrenaline was wearing off and bone-deep relief was setting in. He was okay. Which meant that Deidara's sanity could be held together for a little while longer.

–

A few minutes after six, Sasori came around but Deidara was still packing up the leftover fruit from the stall, the owner talking to someone else for the meantime.

Deidara tried to calm down his heart when he saw Sasori and he was sure the other man could hear it as well. Sasori walked up, smiling, one hand in his pocket and Deidara finally seemed to see him.

His hair was longer, though not as long as his which was nearing his shoulders and had to be kept in a bun. He also appeared skinnier than before. His skin was a shade darker, probably from the hours spent in the sun, and for once, he saw the slightly stony look in his eyes, though it wasn't directed towards him. The thing that shocked Deidara was the cane that Sasori was using as he walked. He swore he didn't have it with him earlier in the day but, he could see the slight limp the man had in his left leg as he carried himself, but it was barely noticeable. The war did impact him, he was just better as hiding it.

"Where did you want to go to catch up?"

Deidara blinked rapidly, aware that Sasori was now in front of him.

"Um, it-it's not too cold right now, so we can head to the park. I didn't really want to head home yet, un, you know." He brushed a stray strand of hair behind his ear, suddenly feeling very self conscious about his image and he had no idea why.

Sasori agreed and gestured to the remaining fruit. "Do you need help?"

Deidara shook his head so rapidly, he was nearly dizzy. "No, I'm almost done anyway, un."

He placed the remaining apples in a crate and was reaching for his cane when he heard his boss calling for him. Looking over, he saw her stalking over with her attentions focused on Sasori.

"Well, Mr. Akasuna, it's good to see you again so soon. Did you want anything else? Deidara," she snapped with a nudge of her head, gesturing to the boxes and crates of fruit. "Show Mr. Akasuna some of the goods."

Deidara nodded and set down his cane but Sasori quickly saved him. "It's fine, really, and there is no need to call me that. Sasori is fine. I was just coming to pick Deidara up," he explained briskly and the owner tried to brush off her disappointment.

She cleared her throat. "All right. I expect you to be here bright and early," she directed towards Deidara who replied with an affirmative and picked up his cane and jacket.

As soon as he he was walking beside Sasori, and they were going through the remaining crowds of the farmer's market, he felt a hand being placed on the small of his back. Guiding him, or just keeping him going at a steady pace, he did not know, but it made his neck flush anyway.

Their walk to the park was filled with an easy conversation about idle things and it reminded Deidara of their letters, but they nearly seemed to be dancing around the main topic. He was fine with the light talk, not wanting to talk about the thing that brought them together.

Once at the park, which was nearly five city blocks away, they found a bench and Deidara could not repress his aching sigh as he sat down, his cane creaking as it took his weight to settle him down.

Sasori looked concerned but quickly played it off with curiosity as he sat down. "Your leg is better?"

Deidara gave a tight smile as his leg cramped slightly and he had to rub it a little to make the pain dissipate. "Well, it's been better in the summer time. The cold is just a little bracing, un."

Sasori nodded sympathetically and gave a slightly saddened smile. "Yeah, I've been having a little trouble with mine these past few months." he picked up his cane and tapped against his ankle and Deidara was surprised to hear a metal clink come from the action.

"Oh… I'm so sorry, I…" Deidara looked up at him, but he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to comfort.

There was no sorrow in Sasori's face, just mirth and Deidara had no idea how he was able to stay so happy. "Yeah, it happened three months ago and afterwards, I was sent home and I've been so busy in therapy and getting a prosthetic that I haven't been able to write back," he sighed. "I wanted to be ready to meet you again."

Deidara gulped and looked out at the park, seeing the lake shimmering in the sunset. "Yeah, well, I don't think I'll ever be ready, un. You just popped up," he chuckled with little humor. "But it's really, really great to see you again." He looked at Sasori with some sort of trepidation and tried not to let his good leg bounce under him. "I missed you, too, un."

Sasori's lips twitched into a softer smile and he pulled Deidara closer with an arm around his shoulder. "Yeah, it seemed different back there." Deidara didn't need a name to know where he was talking about. "I was used to looking over my shoulder to make sure that you were behind me, whole and safe."

Deidara chuckled in embarrassment and tried not to lean into Sasori, but it felt as if he had no control. "Yeah, but don't you worry. I've grown up a bit, un. Whole twenty years on my shoulders and everything."

"I can tell. You look… older." Sasori's smile went away and he cleared his throat a little. "I'm sorry about your mom."

Deidara expected an old pain to come back and stick itself in his stomach, but no such thing happened. Just that he remembered what it felt like. He nodded softly. "Thank you, un. I will admit that it's been hard living on my own, but she at least left me her house. Or whatever's left of it, un," he replied with a shrug.

Sasori frowned and tightened his arm around his shoulder and Deidara wrapped his free arm around his waist. "If you need anything, Dei," Deidara nearly bristled at the nickname, just the sound from Sasori's lips sounding so foreign but so nice, "I would be happy to help." He sighed gently and it nearly sounded like a laugh, "You know, you're letters really helped me when I was over there."

Deidara's ears perked up at the words and he looked down, sure that he would feel something blooming in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed heavily, "Your's, too, un," he croaked.

Sasori smiled down at him and Deidara looked up again. "So what else have you been up to?"

The conversation went on until the sun had long set and it was nearly nine o'clock, the street lamps barely bright enough to illuminate their faces. In their time, they moved closer to each other and Deidara believed that he could live off of Sasori's warmth if he had the opportunity to do so.

Deidara's stomach grumbled right as his eyes began to droop and Sasori looked so guilty, Deidara all ready had a lie on the tip of his tongue to reassure him. "It's fine, I just… I think I need to get going now, un. I have work in the morning and–"

Sasori nodded and they detached themselves from each other so they could stand. Deidara heard a slight creaking and knew it was Sasori's prosthetic. In their conversations, Sasori told him that he had been caught him in a trip wire and that the damage done to the leg was so severe that it had to be amputated from the mid-thigh, down. He told him that it didn't hurt much anymore, just that when the skin around the stump was stretched, it irritated him. "Itches like a bitch, let me tell you," Sasori joked.

"Do you mind if I walk you home?"

Deidara's eyes widened and he rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand. "Uh, it's okay, really, un. It's not too far of a walk and I don't want you to spend more time away from your home than you need to." In all honesty, Deidara didn't want Sasori to see what kind of home he lived in, how low in society he was.

Sasori seemed to know what he was thinking because he nearly looked disappointed. "All right, then. Can I see you tomorrow?"

Deidara replied before he could even think about it. "Yes, yes, that's… yes. I'll meet you here after work, is that fine, un?" He really didn't want his employer to bother Sasori further in case she drove him away.

Sasori merely nodded and Deidara saw that he wanted to do something as a parting gesture, but what could he do. What could I do? He thought. Nothing.

They awkwardly waved goodbye and they both walked away, Deidara's limp more pronounced. He sighed, and hoped he made the right decision.

–

More weeks passed and they both grew as friends and companions. Deidara had visited Sasori often and vise versa but that was before Deidara became completely broke. Though Deidara tried to hide the fact that even though he didn't have a job anymore because winter was nearing, that he didn't have much money anymore. He hoped that he could hide how thin he had gotten under many layer of clothes.

But one day, Deidara didn't show up and he couldn't give Sasori an explanation. He was too busy dealing with some asshat from the bank who wanted to take his home. He had all ready been repossessed multiple times and all that really remained was a table, a chair, and his bed.

"I'm giving you two weeks to gather the rest of your belongings, because the bank will own this property from then on."

"But the mortgage has been paid, un," Deidara exclaimed as he stood in his bare living room with the man who looked more uncomfortable than necessary.

"Yes, well there have been other bills that haven't been paid and what you have that remains of value is this house. I'm sorry, but this is only the procedure."

Deidara scoffed and tried not to lean on his near-broken cane too much as he thought to himself. "Fine, un," he muttered angrily, but no tears came to his eyes as he would have expected.

He took the man to the kitchen, who had papers for him to sign, agreeing to the agreement once and for all. Deidara stayed sitting as the man packed up his briefcase but Deidara just ran a hand through his loose hair. "Two weeks, Mr. Iwa."

He nodded and waved the man away. Only when he left, did Deidara allow himself to cry but no amount of self-pity would help him.

It was only ten minutes later when there came a knock at the front door. Deidara huffed and wiped his eyes, knowing who it would be. Ignoring his cane, he limped over to the door and opened it to see Sasori standing there like some god-damned saint, and it made Deidara angrier than he had ever felt for some reason.

"You didn't show up today and–"

"I don't always have to go visit, Sasori, un," Deidara snapped. "Do you really depend on my company so much that you come and seek me whenever you feel like it, un? What made me so fuckin' special?!" He slammed the door shut before Sasori could utter another word and he breathed deeply before sinking against the wall next to the door, sure that he was completely drained from further interaction.

After a minute, the door opened gently, revealing the empty home that Deidara now possessed. Sasori stepped in and he didn't seem to look around, he just closed the door and sat next to Deidara, whose eyes burned but nothing fell from his ducts.

Deidara didn't flinch away as Sasori put an arm around his shoulders, like all those weeks ago, and pulled him close. Deidara merely fell into him and buried his face into his shoulder, his hand clutching at his shirt like a life-line, because really, it was. His shoulders shook with sobs, but no sound came from him and his eyes stayed dry.

Sasori didn't hush him or try to reassure him, he just held him and rubbed his back until Deidara finally spoke.

"They're taking my house, un," he whispered, like these words would make his home be taken away from him faster. "This is my mom's house."

Sasori nodded and held him closer. "You can… you can live with me for a little bit. It doesn't have to be forever, just until you can get a place of your own again."

Deidara shook his head and pulled away, sniffling as he pushed his hair out of his face. He hadn't put it up today, he realized. "No, I'm not going to do that to you, Sasori, un."

The older male exhaled in disbelief at him and Deidara just glared at him. "This is from one friend to another. Besides, I'm inviting you, it's not like you are forcing your way in." His expression hardened just so, that it made Deidara's softened. "And it's rather lonely being in a house all by yourself. I have plenty of rooms and I won't charge you for your stay."

Deidara scoffed and pulled his knees to his chest to hug himself. "It's not that I'm worried that I'll be in the way, or even about paying for it, just," he sighed so harshly it was nearly a growl. "I don't want to be something for you to pity, or just feel obligated to help just because you know me, un." He wasn't looking at Sasori anymore, couldn't find himself to. "I don't want to be a project for you, Sasori."

The air was tense and Deidara could feel that Sasori was angry. He was sure that any second now, he would storm out and Deidara would lose the one friend he had left, but that just meant that he wasn't a friend to begin with, just someone he related with.

When nothing happened, Deidara growled and turned towards Sasori to tell him off once more, but the older man just leaned in and their lips met. Deidara was shocked instantly and he tried to pull away, but Sasori held him still with a hand cupping his neck, his thumb brushing against his ear gently. Deidara didn't know what to do, but Sasori kept his mouth pressed to his, and after a slow moment, he began to move and Deidara tried his best to respond, but all he could concentrate on was his frantic heart.

It was only ten seconds later when Sasori pulled away, looking furious and Deidara felt fearful, wondering if he did something wrong in the way he responded. "I'm sorry–"

"Enough, Deidara," Sasori growled and it shut him up. "You don't value your life or your well-being, when you should. Damn it, you should. I'm not pitying you, because I know pity doesn't make up for shit and I hate it about as much as you. And if you think that you are just something to keep me occupied because I'm bored, you're a fucking idiot. We've known each other for this long and you still think that I'm here just for shits and giggles? Sometimes I don't understand how your head works because it makes no sense when I have stayed this long. I'm here because I like you, Deidara, and you're," Sasori broke up to contain himself and he focused on something else, and Deidara felt so nervous and worried, that he barely noticed that Sasori's hand hadn't moved.

He repeated the gesture and kissed Sasori, his other hand holding Sasori's hand, keeping the man from moving away from him. The hand on his neck tightened and Sasori kissed Deidara through his anger. Deidara felt Sasori's tongue poking at his lips and his mouth opened on it's own accord, his head titling for a better angle.

Deidara's hands began to roam Sasori's body, starting from his shoulders down and soon, the older man was doing the same, but before Deidara could get anywhere far, Sasori pulled away.

"I'm sorry," Deidara tried again, holding Sasori's forearms, afraid he would leave him suddenly. "I… I don't want you to leave me, I'm just… I'm afraid, un," he confessed and Sasori kissed his forehead. Deidara kept his hold and he was sure he felt a tear slip from his eye but he was unsure.

"I won't. I can't leave you, Deidara. Never."

Deidara nodded and fell into Sasori, never wanting to let go. They would make it work, together.

I've been wanting to do a time-period fic for Vietnam so I knew that I could probably do it for SasoDei month.
Many of these things in the story are true: Manly the war, parts about the U.S. embassy attack but other things as well. I was told a story about a man who was shot and put in a body bag, but only when he was screaming did they realize he was alive (one of my teacher's uncles). Also, the attitude to the Vietnam soldiers was horrendous. I've heard multiple stories of soldiers getting off the plane, only to be harassed and spat at. One of my teachers is a veteran and his wife left him after the war.
Everything else was obviously made up, but I wanted to try my hand ata relatively (for the most part) accurate period fic.

Review?