CHAPTER 8: FATAL BREACH
His heart pounded with fear and exertion, and his lungs felt as though they would surely burst. Still, Georg swam onward, plunging through the icy stream until, with a last gasping breath, he snatched his daughter from the tumbling water. She lay against his shoulder for a long moment, terrifyingly still, and then she lifted her head and, with an apologetic murmur, vomited profusely all over him.
"It's all right, darling," he said, nearly weeping with relief. "You're safe now. I've got you."
By now, Fraulein Maria was at his side.
"Captain, I-"
"We need to get her warmed up, Fraulein," he barked, clutching Gretl firmly with one arm and using the other to pull himself back up the embankment. The children scattered to carry out their father's orders – to build up the fire inside, to bring blankets, to start water for hot tea.
It was only after Gretl had nodded off by the fire, snug and dry in Liesl's lap, and he had changed into dry clothes himself, that he noticed the little governess shivering silently in the doorway, as though she wasn't sure if she was coming or going. By now, her dripping-wet dress had formed a puddle at her feet.
"Shouldn't you put another dress on?" he scowled.
"I haven't got another one," she said, twisting her hands in her skirt. Beneath her freckles, she had gone disturbingly pale.
"Captain, about what happened-"
"Never mind that," he said curtly, going to rummage in his knapsack for a moment before producing a bottle and pouring a healthy slug into a teacup.
"Fraulein, you will drink this. Louisa, go through your and Liesl's things and find Fraulein Maria some dry clothing."
"What is that?" Fraulein Maria said, eyeing the cup apprehensively.
"Brandy."
"Where did you get it?"
"Does it matter?"
"Captain, I don't-"
"For once in your life, Fraulein, can't you just do as you're told?" he snapped, and felt his eyebrows lift in surprise as she poured the entire contents of the cup down her throat without taking a breath. By the time she took a dry dress from Louisa and went off to the bedroom to change, there was a spot of color in her cheeks, but her eyes remained lifeless.
By midday, when they sat down for dinner, Gretl seemed to have recovered from her ordeal, having reverted to her usual adorable and bratty self, but Georg could see that the same could not be said of Fraulein Maria. She was still deathly pale, and he was reminded of the day he'd taken her from the Abbey, the way her sparkle had gone missing. Dressed in a too-small borrowed frock, she moved wordlessly between the stove and the table, serving him first and then the children, before dropping into her chair and beginning to fidget with her napkin while her eyes remained glued on Gretl.
"Aren't you eating?" he asked. "Liesl, get your Fraulein a plate."
"I'm not hungry, Captain," she murmured.
He raised his eyebrows.
"Well, that's a first," he said, trying for a joke, but eliciting not even the shadow of a smile.
"I think I'll just go get some air," she said, and fled out the back door.
His children stared at him blankly, as though he was supposed to know what to do, so Georg did the only thing he could think to do: he followed Fraulein Maria down the path, toward the woodshed.
"Fraulein-"
She was standing in a patch of weak sunshine, her back to him, and he saw her spine stiffen when he approached.
"Please, Captain. I just need a moment to myself."
When he reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder, she shook it away. Clearly, the situation called for a firm command.
"Fraulein Maria. You will turn around and look at me."
His instincts never having failed him, he wasn't surprised when she obeyed. Her eyes were wet and she dragged her arm across her cheeks.
"Now. Out with it."
She was trembling so fiercely that at first, he could barely understand her.
"Stupid."
"Fraulein, you are not-"
"I am so stupid. I should have been watching her more carefully, I should have had someone keep her away from the edge. I'm a complete flibbertigibbet. You are right to blame me."
"Blame you? What makes you think that I-"
Her eyes met his in a wordless rebuke.
"No! What makes you think I - no, no, it wasn't your fault, not at all. I was just – come now, Fraulein Maria. You are many things, but stupid is not one of them. You know very well that children can be careless. They have a way of getting into trouble. Just think of the way Louisa used to climb up that trellis, with a jar of spiders in her hand! And yes, I know all about that."
"Don't you see? Gretl could have-" The little governess collapsed onto the bench and buried her face in her hands. "What would you be saying to me right now, Captain, if things had gone differently?"
"That doesn't matter. Everything turned out well. Gretl is fine. Take it from me, although it seemed like hours to you and me, she wasn't in the water for more than a minute or two. She won't even remember this incident in a week."
She was staring vacantly toward the cottage, as though she hadn't heard him, and the look on her face was so bleak he felt his heart twist. In a thousand years, he could never have imagined Fraulein Maria, that cheerful bundle of optimistic enthusiasm, being this upset about anything. It made him uneasy, and vaguely unhappy.
"Gretl is fine," he repeated helplessly, looking down at her hunched over herself on the bench.
"But I am not," she muttered.
"Look, Maria. I mean, Fraulein Maria. What happened – of course it was terribly frightening, for all of us, but you've just got to get past it. I know a little bit about facing extreme fear, and I am telling you that you can't let it control you."
She shot him a disbelieving look.
"I don't understand you, Captain. How on earth you can just – you of all people!" she sputtered. "Not all of us are so unfeeling, you know. So- so callous. Gretl nearly died, but she's all right after all, so spit-spot, back to work, is that it?"
"Did I ever tell you," Georg said lightly, choosing to ignore the insult, "about how Leo lost his arm?"
Before she could reply, he rushed ahead.
"We'd sunk an enemy vessel. He was the only survivor, and we'd taken him prisoner. Although I was in command, I was also the only man aboard who spoke Italian, so it fell to me to question him. We were only a few hours from port when the enemy retaliated. A hard strike. There was no hope for our vessel and I gave the order to abandon ship. In these situations, it's every man for himself. There are no lifeboats, nothing like that. I was already up above when I remembered Leo, locked in the brig below. He was an enemy combatant, of course, but I just couldn't-"
By now, the tears had dried on her cheeks, and she was watching him, frowning.
"I went back down and released him. We were making our way across the engine room when the second hit came. A fatal breach, with water pouring in from all sides. I heard a scream and turned to find that a piece of machinery had come loose and slid across the room, pinning Leo's arm to the wall. There was water everywhere, and blood-"
A wave of remembered fear hit him with surprising strength, and he took a moment to compose himself, taking a seat next to her on the bench before proceeding.
"I found a bar to use as a lever and began prying him free. The water was flooding the engine room, it was up above our waists now, we could hear explosions all around us, and he was screaming, praying, begging me to leave him and get myself to safety, but-"
"Captain," she broke in, sounding, he was relieved to note, quite a bit calmer. Maybe too calm. Almost annoyed. "Captain, what is the point of this story? To remind me that, while I am a coward, you are a national hero, not only a fine man but a brave one?"
"The point," he took a deep breath, "the point, Fraulein, is that I wasn't brave. I was terrified!"
When he glanced at her, she seemed unimpressed, so he raised the stakes and offered another one of his rare confidences. "Do you want to know how scared I was? I wet myself!"
She made a strangled little sound – of amusement? Disgust? Sympathy?
"I had a wife and two small children waiting back in Austria. And another child on the way! 'Don't do anything stupid, Georg,' that's what Agathe always told me, yet that was exactly what I'd chosen to do. But I stayed. I ordered Leo to shut the hell up, that if he didn't stop his bellowing, I'd abandon him, and that if he had to do something, he should sing. Eventually – well, we got out, although Leo lost his arm, and I gained a lifelong and loyal friend."
Fraulein Maria regarded him skeptically.
"The point," he clarified, "is that when I returned to port, they gave me a new submarine, and two days later, I had to go back out to sea and act as if nothing had happened, and do it convincingly enough that the crew would obey me without question. I had to do that time and time again during my service. And that's what you're going to do, Fraulein Maria. You're going to march back up that path to the cottage, and carry on as the fine, brave governess we both know you to be. That," he finished, "that is the point."
"What did he sing?"
"Of all the - I beg your pardon?"
"Leo. What did he sing?"
"A sea chantey," he replied promptly. "About a woman who – ehrm-"
"Who meets a man, I assume?" she said dryly.
"No. I mean, yes, but-"
There was no way he'd tell her the rest, and she wouldn't probably wouldn't believe him if he did.
"Does their story have a happy ending or a sad one?"
"Oh, happy," Georg said firmly. "Very happy."
"Anyone else would have left Leo for dead," she said quietly, and the admiration shining out of her blue eyes made him feel sick. Why did she have to be so damned idealistic? The man in that story was dead, just like the wife he'd buried.
"I am sorry, Captain. About losing sight of Gretl. I've caused so much trouble for you. This wasn't the half of it."
"What kind of talk is that? Have you forgotten the way things were before you came to us? You put my family back together. I'll never be able to thank you enough for that. How is that trouble?"
"You were forced to marry me. Reverend Mother practically threw me at you."
"And I could never have gotten the children out of Austria without you. Not to mention survived the last weeks in hiding here. You've got it all wrong. You're not trouble, you're – our savior, really. You're a bright girl, kind and clever and -"
He stopped himself from piling on adjectives that would have quickly become unsuitable, and they sat in silence for a while, Georg savoring the fresh, warm scent of her presence next to him in the cool autumn air. Perhaps, he thought, it would cheer her up to talk about her future, after they got out of this place.
"The wait has taken its toll on all of us. Just try to think about what a relief it will be to put all of this behind you, Fraulein, and of all there is to look forward to."
"You're not going to start up on the topic of marriage, are you? For the last time, Captain, I am not getting married to anyone. Anyone else, I mean. Being married to you will have been quite enough," she added with flicker of a smile.
He was relieved to see her mood brightening. It occurred to him that she could probably use some advice on her plans from someone older and wiser, especially if she refused to do the prudent thing and get herself married off.
"If you don't marry, then perhaps you can go to school. Or travel."
She stretched her long legs out in front of her, kicked off her shoes, and wriggled her toes.
"Well, I've been thinking about that. I think I'll go to Vienna after all. Even if that teaching job didn't open up, another is bound to, and thanks to you, I'll have a little cushion to live on in the meantime."
"Vienna? Somehow I always thought of you as the type who would want to settle in the mountains. Twirling about meadows, that sort of thing."
"Oh, yes, I do love the mountains, of course, Captain. But I have spent my whole life in the shadow of the Untersberg. I have always longed for adventure!" She shot him a cautious sideways look. "Vienna will be a chance to do all the things I've never dared. Go to parties, and nightclubs, and drink champagne, and-"
"You?" Georg scoffed. "You get tiddly on a half-glass of wine!"
"Spoken by the man who forced brandy on me earlier today," she said, dismissing him with an airy wave. "No, I'll get myself a little flat, and some new pretty new clothes. I'm going to make myself a dress just that color," she went on, pointing her bare toes to a scarlet leaf that lay at their feet.
"Red? Not with your hair, not that color," Georg heard himself say. "More like this one," and he bent to find her a golden leaf instead. "And for the evenings, indigo velvet. Like the night sky. With diamonds."
"Where am I going to get diamonds?"
"That's why you'll have to take a lover," he teased her with a companionable shoulder-bump, and then immediately regretted it.
Before he could apologize, she replied with disarming innocence.
"Why would I want to do that?"
He blinked.
"Why would you take a lover?"
"Yes."
"Because – ehrm - because it's enjoyable? Amusing? Fun?"
"Fun for men, you mean." She wrinkled her nose. "That sort of thing is definitely not for me."
"How would you know?" he laughed despite himself.
"For heaven's sake, Captain. I wasn't born at Nonnberg Abbey, you know. I've had boyfriends. I just don't see what all the fuss is about."
"If you'd had a proper boyfriend, we wouldn't be having this conversation, because you would know what the fuss, as you put it, is all about. You are totally unprepared for that kind of life. If you go off to Vienna without a better understanding of – of – of things, I don't even want to think about what might happen to you."
He wasn't sure which he disliked more: her fantasy life in Vienna – he couldn't make up his mind if she was seriously considering such a plan - or his idea of seeing her married off to a man who would give her babies. But what really disturbed Georg was how easily she lost confidence in herself. He watched with dismay as her shoulders slumped and she fell silent. His remarks had only been intended to protect her, to warn her, not to demoralize her.
"I know, she said in a small voice, sliding her hands under her opposite sleeves as if to comfort herself with a hug. "It was just a silly dream, anyway. I'll probably just go back to Salzburg and wait for adventure to find me. I mean, really," she said, looking down ruefully at her rough dress, "just look at me."
"I am," he blurted, more forcefully than he meant to.
Fraulein Maria looked up at him through her lashes, and something feminine flickered in her eyes, like she'd just figured something out.
He felt a lurch in his chest, unexpected and unbidden, and began to babble.
"I didn't mean to suggest – why, I'm sure you'll do very well in Vienna! All I was trying to say is that you'll need to prepare. With some new clothes that – ehrm – fit you, and with your hair all-"
"What's wrong with my hair?" she said suspiciously.
"Nothing! It's – it's quite nice, actually, the way it's grown longer since – since you left us."
"It was long when I was a girl," she said uncertainly, "I mean, not that I'm a girl anymore."
"No. No," he cleared his throat. "You're not."
His hand took on a mind of its own and lifted to ghost over her bright, rumpled curls, to smooth away a damp tendril that lay against her neck. When he felt her shiver beneath his fingertips, he snatched his hand away as though he'd been burned. He knew he ought to stand up and put some distance between them, or at least tear his eyes away from her, but he couldn't manage to do much besides jam his fists together in his lap and shift uneasily in his seat.
The cool autumn breeze had stilled until, without the rustle of trees and the skittering of leaves across the ground, the silence shouted at them.
"Captain?"
"What is it?"
"Now that you know about me – I mean, that I'm not going back to Nonnberg – I was wondering if this time, you might be willing to-?"
Her eyes dropped to his mouth and then traveled up to catch his gaze.
"To what?"
"Kiss me. To give me some practice."
His mouth went dry.
"I - I'm not sure that's a good idea, Fraulein."
"Why not?"
"It's generally not a good idea to play with fire. Not unless you want to get burned."
"You're a fine one to talk, Captain," she said, so knowingly that his heart nearly stopped. How could someone be so naïve and so perceptive all at once?
The moment stretched between them, tense with anticipation.
"Well. I – I suppose I could consider it," he said, glancing up the path toward the cottage, playing for time, pretending to ponder an idea that had already set his blood simmering.
In the next moment, without warning, the little governess pressed her mouth to his.
It was nothing more than a brief, tantalizing brush. Not even a kiss, not really. In the aftermath, Georg had the oddest feeling, as though something had been stolen from him. For some reason, that innocent kiss had shaken him deeply. He had gotten a passing impression of softness and warmth that he yearned to confirm.
"How was that? I mean, was – was I all right?"
"Oh, yes. Yes, of course," he assured her. There was no kind way to tell her that it hadn't been a very satisfying experience.
"Oh, good."
They both looked down at her bare feet as they shuffled against the dry leaves.
"Why?" he asked cautiously. "Are you disappointed?"
"No, it's just-"
"Just what?"
"Everyone makes such a lot of fuss about kissing. Perhaps I'm just not the type for it."
Deep inside, Georg felt something give way.
A fatal breach, and now it was every man for himself.
"Oh, for God's sake," he muttered, and then before he could let himself think too hard about what he was doing, he rose to his feet, took her hand and dragged her around the woodshed, out of sight of the cottage.
Then he hauled her against him, hard, locked his arms around her waist, and covered her mouth with his.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Yay! At last!
I had SO much trouble deciding whether to end here (because drama) or give my patient readers more, but lemacd had some wise advice for me: stop where I think it works (here!) but give you another update very quickly. So watch for Chapter 9 very very very soon.
TSOM movie fans will get the significance of Gretl throwing up.
There's a little nod to my other fandom in here (the one I will never write for), anyone see it?
I smell a rating change in the air! Not quite yet but very soon. Fair warning. If you are under 18 or don't like that kind of thing, PM me and I will happily make sure I get back to you about the rest of what happens. For the rest of you, you will only know about updates if you follow this story (or me).
Thank you to everyone who has left me such thoughtful and sweet reviews, despite the review holiday. I cherish every one even if I'm not replying to them. Also a nod of thanks to Mr. Augiesannie who is encouraging his wife to devote so much of their holiday to this story!
I don't own the Sound of Music or anything about it, I do this for love.