CHAPTER 11: AUF WIEDERSEHEN
Shoes in her hand, Maria ducked down to exit the cave, but at the last moment, she turned back toward him, tears sliding down her face.
"You, Captain. You have broken me."
Georg thought he might choke on the anger, shame and regret that rose in his throat. He had to wait for the swell of emotion to subside before he could manage to speak.
"Can't you see, Maria, that it's me who is broken?"
But by then, she had vanished into the night.
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A tsunami, they had called it in Japanese, using the words "tidal wave" in German and Italian, although it had nothing to do with normal tides, being instead a uniquely destructive force of nature. He'd been in Sicily when it happened, perched safely on a mountaintop above the little town, as the sky darkened and a wall of water rose so high it seemed that the whole earth must be tilting on its axis. Georg watched, powerless, paralyzed by terror, as the cresting wave swept before it all signs of life: the old and the young, mothers and children, buildings and boats, animals and trees. The roaring current could not entirely obliterate the screams.
Incredibly, not an hour later, someone looking out to sea might think that the whole thing had never happened. The sun glowed yellow against a gorgeous blue sky, oblivious to the destruction below. On land, though, nothing was where it had been before. The landscape was unrecognizable, transformed forever.
The tragic sight lingered in his memory for years, along with the irrational feeling that he ought to have been able to prevent it, or stop it in its destructive tracks. As though if he wished hard enough for it, the world could return to how it had been, before.
There was no question of sleep. Georg paced the tiny cave for hours, and every single step was haunted by unexpected and unwelcome memories of that terrifying afternoon in Sicily. He forced his thoughts back to Maria. When that didn't work, he summoned thoughts of Agathe. But it was no use. He could think of nothing but the tsunami.
When he stumbled from the cave at last, he was blinded by sunlight.
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Georg found her by the woodpile, staring vacantly at the piece of kindling in her hand as though it had gotten there without her knowledge. At the sound of his footsteps, she looked up. Her face was pale beneath her freckles, but there was steel in her voice.
"Go away, Captain. Leave me alone."
"Maria-"
"Fraulein Maria."
"Fraulein Maria. Listen, Maria. I mean, Fraulein. About last night. I-I apologize."
She regarded him stonily.
"I was an ass."
"At last, there is something we agree upon, Captain."
"But there's something I've got to-"
"Shut up!"
He was stunned into silence. The last time anyone had spoken to him in this fashion, he'd been in knee pants. No one talked to Georg von Trapp that way! But he deserved it, didn't he?
"If you would only listen to me-"
"No, Captain, you be quiet and listen to me. I'm leaving."
"What?"
"You're going to give me my money, and then you're going to have Leo take me back to Milan. Today, if possible. From there I will continue on to Vienna."
"But the children-"
"I'm sure you can figure out what to tell them. Presumably something other than the truth."
Her words landed on him like a well-deserved slap, and he struggled to maintain his composure. He'd have to play it for time, he could see, until she could calm down and listen. Even if he wasn't quite sure what it was he wanted to say. About the tsunami? And why he'd removed his wedding ring the night he'd married her?
"Now about the marriage, Fraulein-"
"It doesn't matter to me, what happens with that. I'm never going to marry anyone, ever again. You can be quite certain of that."
"Of course you can leave, if that's what you want," he said evenly, pushing away a wave of panic, "but not today. And not without your saying a proper goodbye to the children this time. Look, Fraulein, this is no way to end things. Not after what you've meant to this family. To me. Please hear me out."
Her blue eyes burned with anger, but when he extended his hand to her, she shrank from him, and he could see the fear in the tilt of her chin.
"Don't – don't you dare come near me!"
Georg took a step backward, but the onslaught continued.
"Your contemptible behavior has ruined everything."
"I behaved badly, I know. But at least I didn't ruin you, don't you see? I wanted you to - I left you untouched."
"Oh, for God's sake. I'm not talking about that. Untouched? You have ruined my life, with your irresponsible, hot and cold, cruel, humiliating heartlessness. The rest of the entire universe may think you're a hero, but I know better. Much better."
"But I only wanted to make you happy," he fumbled. "That's what I need to explain about. You see, I was thinking-"
It was like talking to a wall, an implacable, furious, lovely wall. Perhaps if he gave her a few more hours to calm down.
"Look, Maria. Fraulein Maria," Georg corrected himself. He squinted up at the sky, where the sun peeked through the lacy canopy of naked branches. "It's nearly nine, and Leo might be waiting for me. We'll talk about this later." He had no intention of letting her go, but to mollify her, he added, "I'll tell him to plan on taking you to Milan tomorrow."
She didn't reply, only bent to gather a few more pieces of kindling. Sighing, Georg turned away and trudged into the forest.
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Long after the Captain disappeared from sight, Maria's heart still raced with a strange mixture of fury, exhilaration, and disappointment. She could hardly bear to think about last night. Not only had he flown into a terrifying rage. Not only had he refused to make love to her, which was terribly confusing, since even in her innocence, she knew he'd been aroused. He hadn't even kissed her!
Yet she also knew that even if she ran past Vienna to the ends of the earth, there would be no escaping her memories of what had happened inside the cave. The Captain had taken her to paradise, to a place of unimaginable joy. He could try to say that he'd left her untouched, but in reality, he had branded her.
He was to blame for her predicament, and yet Maria also blamed herself for having been foolish enough to go to him. There was no denying that he was a war hero, and a decent man – anyone watching him with his children could tell that – but he was arrogant and self-centered, too, filled with self-pity, heedless of the devastation he left in his wake, prone to violent rages.
For some reason, Baroness Schrader suddenly came to mind, slinking elegantly through Maria's thoughts. For so long, the Baroness' memory had been synonymous with the worst feelings of humiliation and loss. But now, Maria felt a little needle of sympathy for the woman. And, she reminded herself, by this time tomorrow, she could be on her way to a new life in Vienna. It would be excruciating, to leave the children, but the sooner she was torn away from them, the sooner the healing could begin again.
When she returned to the cottage to find Brigitta and Marta squabbling, and the older girls loitering when they were supposed to be preparing for the midday meal, her head began to throb. She was dangerously close to losing her temper when they heard a commotion coming from outside the cottage.
"Friedrich! Kurt!" she heard the Captain shout. "Inside!"
"Father? What's wrong? Father!"
Maria heard his boots thunder across the porch before he burst into the cottage.
"Everyone. Gather only what you absolutely require and let's go."
Marta buried her head in Liesl's skirt, and Gretl's lip began to tremble.
"Captain! You're frightening them!"
He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.
"All right." He crouched down and ran a hand over Gretl's head. "Look, darlings, I've got a marvelous surprise for you. Something you're going to love, I promise. But we must leave this place immediately, or we'll be too late and we'll miss it."
He turned in Maria's direction, while managing to avoid her eyes.
"There's no time to take the long way out, so we'll have to take the shortcut. They'll need help."
"We can do it without help, Father," Friedrich chimed in.
The Captain nodded.
"Right. We leave in five minutes."
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And in a matter of minutes, they were, indeed, hiking upward toward the road, following the steep shortcut the Captain had shown her their first morning in the forest. He led the way, clambering over rocks and fallen trees with Gretl clinging to his back. Maria brought up the rear of their little procession, helping Marta over the rough parts and doing her best to keep an encouraging smile on her face for the other children, who chattered with great anticipation about the surprise their father had promised. When Liesl sent a questioning look her way, Maria could only shrug her ignorance.
At the top of the path, Leo and his cart waited for them in the road. Once they had piled into the cart and gotten underway, the children's excitement faded and they fell into silence, as though coming to terms with their hasty departure. Or perhaps they were stunned by the sudden glare of sunlight after so many weeks tucked away in the shadowy woods.
It was disconcerting to be traveling with no idea of their destination, but no amount of curiosity was enough to make Maria address the Captain directly, not after last night. Whatever apology he had been trying to fashion this morning would never suffice. It was just as well that, with their time in Italy seemingly drawing to an end, he would soon be out of her life for good. When she snuck a quick peek at him, he was staring out at the horizon, grim faced, wearing dark smudges of fatigue beneath his eyes.
Not a single cloud veiled the hot sun, and the sky overhead was a wide and perfect blue. On and on the cart creaked and jostled along back roads, for one hour and then a second. When the second hour gave way to the third, Leo produced a basket filled with apples, bread rolls and flasks of water.
It was Friedrich who first spied the distant glitter of open water, but within a minute, they were all on their feet, giddy with delight at the scene that opened up below them. The cart sat poised at the top of a high, chalk-white cliff, glowing in the midday light. Below, a stony slope dotted with red roofs and patches of grey-green foliage led to a wide promenade, lined with bright foliage. Beyond, stretching out to the horizon, lay the sunlit, azure sea.
The Captain ordered them back into their seats as Leo guided the horses through the precarious descent into the small town that had sprung up along the broad seaside promenade. Up close, the town had a distinctive atmosphere that was equal parts seedy and elegant. Buildings in various states of disrepair leaned up against each other, and beggars squatted at every curb. But the shop windows displayed elaborate furnishings and art, stylish clothing and sparkling jewels, and every block held at least two or three cafes whose sophisticated clientele spilled out onto the sidewalks.
"What kind of a place is this?" Maria wondered aloud, before remembering that she wasn't speaking to the Captain. He startled, as though he'd forgotten she was there. His whole family leaned forward, waiting for an explanation, but before he could enlighten them, they had reached the very end of the town.
The cart had pulled into a curved driveway, lined on all sides by a sizable establishment. Freshly painted red shutters glowed against the salt-weathered wooden clapboards, and flowered vines tumbled from window boxes. An enormous sign reading HOTEL-ALBERGO hung over the door.
Maria busied herself helping the younger children into their father's arms, while Leo helped the older ones down. When she was the only one left in the cart, she pointedly ignored the Captain's extended hand and let Leo assist her instead. They were still shaking their stiff limbs into motion after the long, cramped journey, when a tall, distinguished-looking man appeared in the doorway. He was impeccably dressed in a gray suit that matched his silver hair.
The elegant gentleman made Maria suddenly aware of how shabby they looked. When she'd first met the von Trapp children, they'd been formally dressed in sailor suits, but now they wore tattered jumpers. Friedrich's trousers hung four inches above his ankles, Louisa's blouse gaped open between its buttons, and Brigitta's toes were sticking out of her shoes. The whole family looked so disreputable they appeared out of place in the seaside town. It was strange, she thought, how the same Captain who'd been outraged when his children paraded through Salzburg in clothing made from drapes, was completely at ease with their rustic appearance. In fact, in his open shirt, rough trousers and boots, he looked no different from them.
In the next moment, chaos erupted.
The younger children had spied the refined-looking gentleman in the doorway, and when they noisily launched themselves at him, he responded with such obvious affection that the reproof died on Maria's lips. The older ones crowded around him too, shrieking boisterously at the top of their lungs. But she couldn't make out a thing they were saying. It sounded like – was that English? Maria thought dimly.
Meanwhile, Captain von Trapp, wearing a broad smile on his face, was shaking Leo's good hand. The little man jumped back into his seat and clucked the horses into motion, without a backward glance or a farewell, but the Captain's eyes stayed on the cart until it disappeared around a curve in the road. Then he turned back toward Maria.
"Well, that's the last we'll see of Leo. He served us well, I think. And in case you're wondering, that gentleman," the Captain tilted his head toward the ebullient mob, "is John Whitehead. Their grandfather. He arrived last night from England. As you know, the children are very devoted to their grandparents. She was English. My wife, I mean. I suppose you know that too."
They stood silently, watching John Whitehead disappear into the hotel, with every one of the von Trapp children clinging to him in some fashion – holding his hands, pressed up against his side, grasping his coat-tail, or in Gretl's case, riding in his arms.
Then the Captain turned back toward Maria.
"I'm sorry for all the secrecy, Fraulein. It was too risky to share my plan before we left Austria, and I did not want to get their hopes up until I was sure."
As he launched into an explanation, his gaze shifted from his feet to the hotel's front door to the sky, always carefully avoiding her own.
"This whole undertaking began just after you – ehrm - returned to the Abbey this summer. John traveled to Salzburg to warn me personally – a letter or a telephone wouldn't have been safe – he had seen intelligence coming from Germany, and he was in a position to know what might occur after the Anschluss. He convinced me to leave Austria, not that I needed much convincing. I knew by then that the Nazis would try to recruit me. As you may recall-"
There was an awkward pause while he shuffled his feet against the gravel driveway.
"I was supposed to marry. The plan was for a quick wedding, and then for the children to go on holiday to Italy with their stepmother. Leo promised to find a place for them to wait, and to keep everyone safe, just long enough to give me time to slip across the border myself. From there, I planned to take the family on to England. John has a great deal of influence there, and what with their mother having been English, the government gave him certain assurances that-"
He cleared his throat.
"Well. The wedding did not take place, as you know, and I thought I might have to make do with Liesl, until you conveniently landed in the middle of my plan instead." A ghost of a smile flitted across his face, but then his expression grew serious.
"The morning after I joined you in Italy, Leo brought word from John that certain difficulties had arisen. With England and Germany poised for war, it was more challenging than anticipated, to make the arrangements that would allow us to enter the country. As far as the English were concerned, it seemed that we had become enemy aliens. From that point forward, John sent news of one complication after another."
As the Captain spoke, little pieces of the puzzle fell into place for Maria. The Captain's interest in the younger children learning English. His dark moods and obvious frustration after his meetings with Leo. How the cottage had been so lightly provisioned, and the children not prepared for cooler weather. She couldn't quite imagine Baroness Schrader teaching the girls to bake bread and make soup, though.
"We could hardly return to Austria, so there was no choice but to stay put. Only this morning did Leo bring word from John that the required permissions were in hand, and that he had arrived here to escort us to England. But the situation there is fluid, so time is of the essence. In fact, there's a boat in the harbor that sails for England in an hour."
"An hour?" Maria squeaked.
Everything was happening so fast! An hour? One hour left with the children? One hour left to - suddenly, Maria wished that she had let Captain von Trapp apologize for last night's events. Not that she would ever forgive him, or herself, for what had happened in the cave, but now it would be just like the night of the party. Off he would go, with the children, and there would be no more chances for explanations, for understanding, for peace.
"An hour," she repeated. "Right, then." She managed a tight-lipped smile. "So it appears that our adventure is at an end. If there's nothing else you need from me, perhaps you can advise me on the best way to make my way back to Austria."
The Captain regarded her thoughtfully.
"You're anxious to get to Vienna, then."
Vienna. Hard to believe that it had been only yesterday they had discussed her plans to go there, she with a confidence she hadn't quite felt.
"Y-yes. Yes, I am, Captain."
"Very well, Fraulein. There is, however, something else before you go. The least that you could do-"
"Yes?"
Despite herself, Maria leaned forward. Too shy and too desperately afraid to say anything, she yearned for him to do so. Please, she thought, let him say something. Something that would release her from having to despise him for the rest of her life, something that would allow her to make sense of everything that had happened between them.
"-is to say goodbye."
"Goodbye?"
"Fraulein, you need to go inside and say goodbye to the children. The last time you left us – the children, that is – they were devastated. They've already lost their mother, and you – I know it is difficult, but you can't just keep running away from every sorrow you encounter."
Rage boiled Maria's blood, for this arrogant, belligerent and deeply troubled man to be lecturing her in this manner. But then she remembered something else. There was one thing he was good for. Very, very good for.
"I don't intend to go anywhere, Captain, until you make good on your promise to pay me."
A flicker of amusement crossed his face.
"Of course, Fraulein. I'm a man of my word. Unfortunately, while I have plenty of French, Italian and English currency, that bribe I paid Zeller's man wiped out my supply of marks. I'll need to have the hotel arrange that with the bank."
The boat left in an hour, he had said.
"How long will that take?"
"Oh, you won't be in any sort of rush," he said with a maddeningly superior grin, "because you aren't going anywhere until tomorrow. They've got only one small rail station here, and one daily train to Milan. Goes out very early in the morning, I believe. I'll go to the desk and make all the arrangements for you, a room here overnight and the money and so on. Meanwhile, you can say a proper farewell to the children."
It was the hardest thing she'd ever done, but of course he was right, Maria knew. She followed the Captain into the hotel, and a dimly lit reception area, where the children's grandfather sat in a big leather armchair while all seven children perched in his lap, sat at his feet, or hung over his shoulders. As soon as he saw her, he rose, shaking off his admirers, and approached her with a warm smile and an outstretched hand.
"John Whitehead. And you are the famous Fraulein Maria," he said in perfect German, "it is a pleasure and an honor to meet you at last. I can't tell you how much my wife and I enjoyed hearing from the children all summer. Those letters you made them write!"
"It wasn't me, sir," she said, "they just needed someone to encourage them."
More like take the trouble to give them stamps, she thought, something their father had never managed to do.
"No false modesty, now," Whitehead chuckled, "I know exactly what you did for my grandchildren."
"If I might have a moment with them, sir?" she asked.
He nodded understandingly and went to join the Captain at the reception desk. The two men immediately fell into an animated conversation, in which Captain von Trapp seemed to be doing most of the talking. John Whitehead listened carefully while occasionally glancing curiously in Maria's direction.
Undoubtedly, the Captain was explaining about their temporary marriage. Well, if there was less than an hour left, whatever the Captain had to say about her didn't matter now. She sat in the big chair, lifted Gretl and then Marta into her lap, and sent up a little prayer for help.
"Children," Maria began. "Do you remember the night of your father's party?"
"The night you ran away?" Louisa said cheekily.
"Y-yes. Exactly, Louisa."
"Why did you?" Brigitta asked.
"It doesn't matter. The reason no longer exists," Maria said. It seemed that she had evaded this question a hundred times or more since the evening of the party. "I had to leave, that was all there was to it, but I was wrong not to say goodbye. I was – I was a coward, when I ought to have been brave."
"Like Father?" Marta asked.
"Yes," Maria gritted her teeth at having to admit the Captain's superiority on this matter. "Your father is very brave, but I, like most people, find it difficult to do certain things. The truth is, that when I ran away, I couldn't bear to say goodbye to you. But now – well, the time has come for us to part once again, and this time, I will do it properly, although it makes me very sad to do so. So sad that no amount of thinking of my favorite things can help. You see, I love you very much. Every single one of you."
"But why-" Kurt's voice caught and fell silent.
"I promised your father I would help you leave Austria, and watch over you until it was time to leave Italy. And now that time has come. I'm returning to Austria, and you – well, I can already see what a lovely man your grandfather is, and your grandparents will be so excited to have you with them, and England! What an adventure!"
But by now, Brigitta and Louisa were in tears, while the little girls in her lap stared at her uncomprehendingly.
"I will pray for you every night," Maria lumbered on, "and who knows, perhaps the time will come when we will see each other again."
"We'll leave it in God's hands, then," said a familiar deep voice, when she looked up, the Captain was there. Even with everything that had happened between them since yesterday, Maria was grateful for the sympathy written on his face.
"Children, it's time for us to go," he said gently. "Say goodbye to your Fraulein, and then Grandfather has a taxi outside, waiting to take us all to the harbor. Fraulein Maria, someone will be with you in a moment to show you to your room and explain the arrangements with the bank."
One last round of tearful hugs and kisses, and then Maria watched, numb with grief and disbelief, as the von Trapp children, with many sorrowful glances back in her direction, made their reluctant way out of the hotel and out of her life forever.
Their father, following behind them, did not look back.
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Thank you for reading my story and for the lovely and interesting reviews. Yes, the updates will come more slowly now that my vacation is over. While this one was more functional, there are 3-4 more chapters coming, each with lots of feels and/or steam and spice, and they are just going to take a while, at least two weeks apiece. I really appreciate your support.
Speaking of appreciate, I forgot to acknowledge lemacd at the end of the last chapter for her contribution to my thinking about M&G's cave encounter.
There was a little Easter egg in here from my other fandom. Anyone?
BTW I know I am doing a lot of violence to history and geography, but it can't be helped, and it's going to continue.
I don't own TSOM or anything about it.