Chapter 30: Coping Together

Ana POV

Everyone wakes early on the day of the funeral. I doubt anyone slept very well which is probably why they're all up. Gail has prepared a light breakfast for us but I'm the only one who doesn't struggle to eat. And that's only because of my pregnancy.

I left Christian in bed, considering he didn't go up till gone 1 o'clock this morning. He was sound asleep when I got up and I think this is the best he's slept in two weeks. He really is amazing. I can't believe he was able to put his grief aside last night to allow Phoebe and me to cry. I don't know how I've kept it together but letting it all go last night was a weight off my shoulders. In fact, it's given me the strength to support everyone today.

Grace and Carrick sit silently at the breakfast bar, a small bowl of granola in front of them. Elliot won't eat a thing and Kate is munching on some fruit. The kids come in all together. I wonder if they waited for each other before coming down. Ava sits next to her father and places her head on his arm. Phoebe goes next to her grandmother, Teddy comforts his grandfather and my three youngest sit in between, each of them taking a pancake from the centre of the table. Even though no one feels overly hungry, Christians need for people to eat is instilled in our children's brains.

"Where's Christian?" Kate asks, breaking the sombre silence.

"I left him in bed, for a bit. He didn't go up till late last night," I answer. Grace lifts her head up to me.

"He loved her very much. We all did but there was something special between them two. IT must be hitting him hard," she says to me.

"You all are, Grace. It doesn't matter who was closer to her, she was still all your family." Grace nods and leans into Phoebe's embrace as my daughter wraps her arms around her.

Christian walks in a few minutes later, looking a little rugged. Though the dark circles under his eyes have finally cleared up a bit. Maybe he did sleep quite well after all.

"Morning," he greets his family. They all manage a small smile and mumble a 'morning' in return. Phoebe stands and makes her father a coffee, adding a little cream, just how he likes it. He thanks her when she hands it to him and takes the empty seat next to Grace that Phoebe offers to him. He sips his coffee and helps himself to a pancake and blueberries.

"What time do we need to be ready?" Bless him. I think this is the first time in 20 years that he hasn't been in control of something as important as this. And we haven't had time to go through the daily agenda with everyone yet. Grace sits up straight and goes through some of the plans we've made.

"Everyone needs to be ready by 10:30. 11 o'clock at the latest. The cars will be here around 11:15 and we need to leave by 11:30. There will be two limousines and we will go in two groups of six. We'll sort out who is going with who later. They'll take us to the funeral home where we will meet with the owner around 12:15 before following the hearse to the church where Mia will be buried next to Carrick's parents. The service starts at 2:00 so we will have about an hour from when we arrive to wait for the other guests. I will warn you all now. Ethan will be there and I expect you all to behave!" she glares at her two sons. The fall out between Ethan and Mia nearly broke Kate and Elliot up. Mia and Ethan resolved their differences over the years but Christian and Elliot still hold a grudge. Grace stops talking so I take over revealing the rest of the plan for the day.

"The service in the church should only take an hour or so," I say. "We'll the walk down to the burial plot and say our final goodbyes there. Once the priest finishes, you kids, Kate and I will walk back to the car and leave Elliot, Christian, Grace and Carrick alone. When we're all ready, we'll come back her for the wake, have a few drinks and celebrate Mia's life." Everyone nods and the plan seems to be all ok with them.

Its nine thirty so I tell my children to go get washed up and dressed. Ashley will need help with his suit and Nick and James are bound to lose something that will take half an hour to find again. Phoebe wants to make sure she looks presentable and respectful to her aunt's memory and Teddy... well, he just takes a long time to get himself sorted. I leave it to Kate to tell Ava to get ready, which she does shortly after my kids disappear.

"It's going to be a long day for them," Carrick says.

"Yes but we'll help them," Grace replies. I cannot believe how strong they are being. If I lost Phoebe I would be a wreck.

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Is Phoebe ok? It's just I haven't seen her cry or grieve?" Carrick asks. Christian answers telling him about last night, and how Phoebe was so busy trying to make sure everyone else was ok that she didn't leave any time for herself to cry. Grace and Carrick nod in understanding and glance at me. I'm not quite sure why.

As we start to leave the kitchen to get ourselves ready, Elliot finally speaks.

"Christian? Can I talk to you a minute?" Christian looks confused but accepts his brother's request. Kate, Grace, Carrick and I leave to give them some privacy, going back to our rooms to shower and get ready for one of the worst days in our lives.

… … …

Christian POV

I'm surprised Elliot asked to speak to me alone but accept his request anyway. I know this whole situation has hit him hard, harder than I thought it would considering he and Mia weren't very close.

"What's up, Elliot?"

"How are you doing it?"

"Doing what?" I'm confused.

"Getting on with it? Getting out of bed in the morning? Eating, sleeping? Just coping in general? What's your secret because I could do with it?" He's struggling.

"I'm not coping Elliot. I'm a mess, a right fucking mess! I've been horrible to Ana, I've ignored my kids, hell I wouldn't even shower a week ago. But you know what? I've realised that nothing is going to bring her back. So what's the point in anything anymore? The answer is my wife and kids. I still have them and I know that I am so lucky to still have them. I need to try and be strong for them. I let them support me as much as I can support them. You can get through this grief Elliot. You just have to let us be there for you." And then something happened that I had never seen before.

My big brother broke down in tears.

I wrap my arms around him and hold him as he cries, my own tears falling down my cheeks.

"How are we supposed to live without her? Her annoying little jokes, her over excitement. I'd give anything to hear her moan about some shop not having the newest shoes in her size."

"I know, Elliot. Me too. But we've got to remember that she is still with us. In our hearts. And through our daughters." He looks at me confused. "Oh come on. Did you really think Ava's interest in fashion and cooking was from you? Or Phoebe's little teasing jokes were from me? Mia has given our girls some of her personality. She lives through them." Elliot laughs. He knows I'm right. We may have to live without our baby sister, but we can see her in our teenagers. He looks at me seriously all of a sudden.

"I love you, bro."

"I love you too." And then we leave the kitchen to get dressed.

… … …

Ana POV

By some miracle, everyone in this house is ready by 10:30! I guess when Grandma Grace tells you to be dressed at a certain time, you do not disobey! Christian helped me get dressed after he joined me in the shower, as the only black dress I had, had a zipper on the back that I couldn't reach myself. I like this dress. It's a knee length skirt that flares out a little and complements my baby bump and had ¾ length lace sleeves with skin tone fabric underneath for warmth. Christian is dressed in a smart black suit and tie, with a silver tie pin engraved with 'Best Big Brother, love Mia xx'. She got him that for Christmas last year.

I must say, everyone has gone all out to look nice and presentable today. Even my usually casually styled sons with their untamed hair have managed to get themselves looking smart. Grace looks at all of her grandchildren with pride.

We decide to ride in the limos adults in one and the kids in the other. I wanted to ride with the kids insisting they need an adult for comfort if they need it, but Ted stepped up and said he'll look after them. It was only after they promised to call if they needed anything that I agreed to stay with Christian.

We arrive at the funeral parlour around 12, a little earlier than planned but then traffic wasn't too bad today. Of course it wasn't. Grace talks to the owner and we are able to go in to see Mia before they close the casket and place it in the hearse. I don't want my younger children seeing her so I instruct them to stay in the entrance hall with Taylor and Sawyer. Phoebe, Ava and Teddy want to come with us.

We enter the room where she is resting, dressed in a beautiful cream gown with light blue lace pattern around the neckline and sleeves. There are flowers around her head and her favourite flowers, yellow tulips, rest on top her hands, which are crossed over her stomach. There is also a family photo resting between her fingers, something Grace believes will remind her of her family in the afterlife. She looks so peaceful, I would say she's sleeping.

"She looks beautiful," Ava comments.

"That was her favourite outfit when she was younger. Said it made her feel like a princess. I think it's what she would've wanted," Grace said. Christian wraps his arm around her in agreement. One by one, everyone walks up to her to tell her one last thing before the casket is closed, and the funeral directors carry it out to the waiting hearse. We follow and climb back into the limousines, to then follow the hearse the half hour drive to the chapel where she will be buried.

… … …

Still Ana POV

It's 1:00pm when we arrive, leaving us an hour to make sure all the flowers inside the church are all in order and Mia's pictures are in the right places. The church is full of colour to match her personality and I must say, it looks perfect. Mia would be proud.

Guests start arriving at 1:30 and we greet them at the door. I told Grace and Carrick to get seated and not worry about everyone else, but they wanted to greet and thank the people for coming. Christian clung to my hand the whole time.

Dr Flynn arrived with his wife Rhian, a few of Mia's friends that I've met a handful of time over the years. More family arrive, her best friend Cheryl and finally Ethan. He greets Kate first, wrapping his arms around her and holds her tight. Then he hugs Ava who looks genuinely happy to see him and then he holds his hand out to Elliot who takes it grudgingly but soon pulls Ethan into a man hug.

"Do I have to hug him?" Christian asks.

"No, but you will have to shake his hand and be polite," I reply. He groans as Ethan walks up to us. He's trying not to cry.

"Ana. Christian," he nods. "I'm so sorry. She will be missed so much." Christian grunts again and heads inside the church. I could see the tears again and I know he doesn't want the man who broke Mia's heart to see him cry. I greet Ethan politely and Ashley hands him a programme, listing how the service is going to go. I walk in and find my seat next to Christian, the kids and everyone else already seated.

The coffin is brought down, then we sing Mia's favourite hymns and repeat he priests prayers. There is a lot of sniffling and crying going on. Eventually, just before we venture outside into the cold, it's time for Christian's speech. His grip on my hand had been getting tighter and tighter the nearer the time got. He insisted when Grace and I were planning that he gets to make a speech. He claimed he wanted everyone to know how amazing his little sister had been. We agreed he could but now the time is here, I'm not sure he's got the strength.

"Do you want me to come up with you?" I whisper. He just shakes his head and tells me this is something he has got to do himself. I nod and scoot closer to the aisle so he can see me when he's standing up.

… … …

Christian POV

As I approach the front of the church, I suddenly become very nervous. I don't understand it. I've given hundreds, thousands of speeches and yet this is the one I'm struggling to catch my breath with. But I need to do it. For Mia. And for me. This is my first step to letting her go and that thought is painful.

I quickly rest my gaze on Ana gaining some strength before focusing on the rest of the church. I can't believe how many people are here. Even the French chef she trained under 20 years ago is here. Taking a deep breath, I begin my speech.

"Mia came into my life 42 years ago, when she was just two months old. I remember that day clearly in my head. I remember mum and dad sitting Elliot and I down and explaining that they had adopted us a little sister. I remember the first time I laid my eyes on her. She was perfect, beautiful in every way. I had been living with Grace and Carrick for two years and in all that time I never said a word. Not one single word. But Mia changed that. She came into my life and I started talking. My first word in all that time was 'Mia'. That was the first time she saved me. And I promised I would look after her and never let anything happen to her.

"I remember one time she wanted me to play tea party with her and I really didn't want to. I was a teenager at this point. When I repeatedly told her no, she would sneak into my room at and leave Mr Fuzzy Pants on my night stand so when I woke up in the morning there was this teddy bear staring at me. She would leave a letter from him to me begging to join him and Mrs Squiffle for tea that afternoon. *Everyone laughs*. After a couple of weeks I gave in and I had never seen my sister so happy.

"She has always been headstrong and very excitable. She was one of the happiest people I ever met and her constant good mood was so infectious to the point I would call her annoying. But that was just who she was and she had an amazing spirit. She loved a good party and I'll never forget the look on her face when my wife told her she could plan our wedding. It was like it was her birthday and Christmas in one day. *More laughter*.

"She was such an amazing person. She was a good daughter, wonderful sister, brilliant sister-in-law and most of all the fun loving crazy auntie. Out of everything in life the one thing she loved was her family, especially her nieces and nephews. As she had no children of her own, she practically adopted them." I turn to face the casket where she rests inside.

"Finding out she had cancer broke all of our hearts. It just didn't seem fair that this incredible person should have to suffer like that. She never did anything to hurt another and to have her taken like this is heart breaking. Mia will be sorely missed. *look at casket again*. But at least you're not in pain anymore. Go be with your Jacob and please don't ever forget us."

I finish my speech and let out a sob. I make my way back to Ana who has tears running down her face and Ashley curled up in her arms, sobbing his little heart out. Ana holds one hand out to me and grasps my own hand, squeezing it tightly in support. We all sing one more song, 'Amazing Grace' (Mia's absolute favourite), before we head towards the plot where she will be buried, next to my grandparents, and her fiancé Jacob who was taken too soon from this world also.

We all say another prayer as the coffin is lowered gently and each family member throws a handful of dirt in. Once that's all done, everyone heads back to their cars. Kate and the kids make their way back as well but Ana quickly tells me that either she will go back with the kids and Kate will wait for my parents, Elliot and I by the other limo and head back with us. I wish Ana would stay but she's right. I need this right now. She leaves us too and we all embrace.

"That speech was amazing Christian," dad comments. Mom just holds me tighter.

"At least, like you said, she's not in pain," Elliot comments. "However, I think she would kick our asses if we don't get it together soon." We manage a laugh. It's true though. Mia wouldn't want us crying all the time. She would want us to at least try to move on.

We stand there for about ten minutes before that cold gets to us. It also starts to rain so we head back to the car. Kate climbs out when she sees us approach and hugs Elliot before we climb into the warmth of the backseat. Elliot wraps his arm around Kate and pulls her head to his chest in a comforting way. I am suddenly very eager to get home to my own wife and hold her the way he is holding Kate.

… … …

Phoebe POV

The rest of the guests follow our limo back to our house where we're holding a small wake for Aunt Mia. Dad's speech really got to me, but I managed to keep my tears back and was able to comfort Ava when she needed me.

Mum, bless her looks exhausted. All this emotion mustn't be easy to handle when you're 8 months pregnant. She's trying to hold it together, but I can see her struggling and I tell her to go a rest for a bit and let me serve the drinks. She argues but relents when I threaten to tell dad she trying to do too much and I ask Sawyer if he could make sure she rests. He leads her to the living room as I head to the kitchen to get a tray of drinks and offer one to each guest.

Our living room is quite large, much larger that the family room, so everyone manages to fit and still have space for more. Mum is sat on dad's favourite chair, rubbing her stomach struggling to keep her eyes open. Dr Flynn and his wife sit on the sofa next to her and try to convince her to go lie down. Good luck, Flynn! It took me to threaten her with dad just to sit down in here!

Ted helps me hand out drinks and tell our guests that there is food available in the kitchen should they want it. We're mainly stalling until dad gets home because we don't know where to take it from here. I suppose we could thank everyone for coming and make a toast to Mia but somehow without dad, Uncle Elliot and my grandparents that wouldn't seem right.

"I'm amazed at how many people turned up considering what day it is," Ted snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Maybe no one's going anywhere till tonight. Maybe even tomorrow?" I suggest. He shrugs. "When do you go back to school?" I ask reluctantly to take my mind off things. I notice mum has dozed off in her chair.

"Monday. I've only got one class that day but my professor said he'd tell me which chapter it is and I can read it in my spare time. Back to normal on Tuesday."

"I don't want you to go," I finally admit to my big brother. He wraps an arm around me and hugs me. He's about to say something when we hear the front door open. Going into the entrance hall, we see dad, Uncle Elliot, Aunt Kate and our grandparents have arrived. They look different. But I can't quite put my finger on it. Dad asks where mum is. Ted points to the living room and we lead the way back in.

Dad has a small smile on his face when he sees her sleeping and goes over to her, sitting in the seat Flynn just vacated for him. He gently leans over and kisses mums forehead. She moves a bit but stays asleep so dad gently lifts her and carries her out of the room, telling us he's going to lay her down in bed. I smile at them and when I notice Ted has gone to mingle, quietly slip out of the room and out onto the back patio, laying on the same chair I did last night.

"It's cold out here," a voice says behind me. I gasp and turn. Dr Flynn is in the doorway. He must have followed me.

"Maybe, but it's also quiet. I just want some quiet."

"Understandable. I mean your home is full of people right now. Even though it's a wake, it's still quite noisy in there." I manage a small laugh. "You're very quiet today. And very dry eyed. Want to talk?" I should have known. He's been watching me all day. I don't really want to talk but he won't leave until I do and then he'll bring it up at our session next week.

"It's just been crazy the last couple of weeks. Dad has, obviously, been struggling and nana and grandpa have been here for comfort. Uncle Elliot wasn't coping and Ava needed me. I figured it would be selfish to only think about myself at a time like this. Not to mention looking after the boys while mum tries to look after everyone else."

"So you think that it's your job to look after everyone else, even though you've lost just as much as they have?"

"Someone has to. Besides they were all there for me after the whole Hyde and Owen Turner thing. It's my turn to support them," I shrug.

"That's a little different Phoebe. You went through something traumatic. They've lost a family member. You've lost a family member."

"Would it make you feel better if I told you I had a good cry last night with dad?"

"A little but you're still holding a lot in. Promise me you will allow yourself time to grieve properly and stop worrying about everyone else?" I couldn't help it. Tears finally filled my eyes and he sat next to me and took my hand.

"I know I need to grieve. I want to grieve. But I can't let everyone down. I haven't even spoken to Kenny about it yet. He probably thinks I'm being selfish and stupid."

"Nonsense. I'm sure Kenny will understand. Why not try and talk to him?" I shrug. He gently wraps an arm around me and I cry into his shoulder. "It's ok to be sad, Phoebe. No one is going to judge you for it," he says comfortingly. I nod and just let myself cry. I don't have the strength to mention that I want to be strong for mum and dad. Anyway, he'll just repeat what he's already said to me a hundred times.

They don't want me to hide from my emotions anymore.

After a few minutes of crying, he leads me back inside, where dad is in the living room thanking everyone for coming.

"Thank you all so much for coming today. I know Mia would be so happy to know that so many people loved her. I won't give another speech, I said everything I had to say earlier. I know that today you all want to be with your own families but thank you all so much for your support today. Can you all please raise your glasses to my dear sister," he raises his glass in the air in a toast. "To Mia."

"To Mia," everyone repeats.

Everyone leaves shortly after, probably to head off with their family for the holiday. I just have one thing to be thankful for this year; that Aunt Mia is no longer in pain.

It is after all, thanksgiving.

… … …

So there is the funeral. I'm not 100% sure how funerals are planned or run but I thought it doesn't really matter too much, as long as it seemed perfect for the family.