The opinions of the characters here do not represent the view of the author, or even, necessarily, healthy or correct viewpoints. Odds are, your opinions are good enough for you, and if fictional characters disagree with you, just let it go.

-OOO-

Ruby kept her arm around Glynda's shoulder as the babysitter thought about which shoulder she'd keep her parrot on, if she were a pirate. Later on, Glynda would realize she probably took way too long, because Ruby was just standing there awkardly, and Qrow was shooting them looks.

"I'm right handed," Glynda thought outloud, "So maybe I should keep the parrot on my left shoulder, so it won't get shaken too much when use stab people with my cutlass. " Glynda mimed a stabbing motion.

Ruby glanced at Yang, real quick. Yang shrugged.

Ruby turned back to Glynda. "Okay, cool!" Ruby said. She climbed back down to her seat.

And when the - shoot, what was their last name?- when James's and Penny's food arrived, Penny and her father had a brief whispered conversation. Then Penny stood up out of the wheelchair, a little shakily. Her father followed her, ready to catch her or something; he held his hands out, palms up, following Penny the whole trip, but Penny didn't stumble or fall as she retrieved the tray of food, even if her gait was a bit deliberate.

The four of them themselves were almost done with their food- there were just a few McNuggets left and Glynda was going to let the children finish those off- so Glynda gathered them up and looked over the rest of the mess they'd made.

"You haven't touched your toys," Qrow said, at some point.

Glynda hadn't intended to say anything about those.

Ruby folded her arms. "Happy meal toys are for babies. Or, possibly, unemployed college-age men."

Yang stuck her hand into her opposite armpit. "Yeah!"

"Oh really?" James said, "I thought ponies were a little girl thing."

Yang tucked her hand under her stump. "Not anymore, they're not."

Glynda kept her mouth shut. She tried to make some nonchalant expressions as she looked around the table and the room Qrow also seemed to be making a similar expression, when she made eye contact with him when her gaze was roaming, but Qrow refreshed his smile and opened one of the pony toys and set it on the table.

"I think I'll give this one a drink of water," Qrow pushed his cup towards the pony, "Because it seems to be a little hoarse."

Glynda groaned internally.

And when she looked around, she saw that Yang and Penny and James were chuckling, and you know what, whatever, but it also turned out Ruby was laughing, and, upon that realization, Glynda suddenly had this really, really strong desire to come up with a joke that was better than that (maybe about pirate chickens?), and to tell it to Ruby, and for it to make Ruby laugh. And, Glynda's cheeks were hot and her hands seemed to want to clench, for some reason.

Ruby chuckled twice, with her whole body, and then she froze.

Then her eyes started watering. Her mouth devolved into an open-mouthed cry and her shoulders twitched, slightly. She hiccuped.

"W-what's wrong?" Qrow said. He leaned forward.

Ruby sobbed once. "I got some french fries in my nose~"

Glynda took a moment to process that. "Oh Ruby."

Glynda rushed over (which involved mostly scootching along the booth, but it still felt like she was rushing over). She pulled a napkin from the batch that came on her tray and held Ruby's head in one hand and pressed the napkin against Ruby's nose. She instructed her charge to blow, and Ruby did.

Glynda tried not to think about the squishy, mucous covered mush that only had a thin layer of paper away from her fingers oh wait too late for that-

After Ruby gestured that she was good, Glynda got up and threw the napkin away and shuddered, just once, when nobody was looking. When she returned, Ruby was laughing and smiling like nothing had even happened, and Qrow looked mildly miffed.

Ruby and Yang left the table to look at the play area, just real quick, they promised. That left Qrow and Glynda and James and Penny to gather up the remaining fries and nuggets and the toys, to move to a table overlooking the playpen.

Ruby and Yang had left the happy meal toys alone. One was unwrapped and on the table; the rest were in the happy meal boxes.

"Well," Glynda said, grabbing the unopened plastic toy by its feet, "If you don't want it, I'll just take it then-"

Qrow grabbed onto the toy's head, "Actually, I was going to give that to a friend of mine, if nobody here wanted it-"

Glynda put on her best smile. "Well, if we're giving it away, I know a charity-"

Qrow smiled as well, "I live closer to the Catholic orphanage, actually-"

Glynda squinted her eyes and widened her lips around a teeth-clenched grin. "I'm sure they get their fair share of donations. The most environmental thing would be to recycle it-"

"Actually," Penny said. She lifted a finger nervously, "If you don't want it, can I have it?

Glynda relaxed her face. Qrow did the same. they looked at each other for a second, and then they both said, at the same time, some variation of 'Yeah sure.,

They both let go of the toy at the same time. It clattered onto the table.

Glynda was quicker to pick the toy back up to give to Penny. She smiled, to Penny and Qrow. "Here you go." Qrow only looked a little annoyed.

Penny's face lit up. "Thanks!" she made the toy baby horse walk around the table, for three seconds. "Pinkie Pie's my favorite."

Qrow's face was unreadable. "Oh?" he said, "How come?"

"She's everything I hope to be." Penny said.

Glynda also kept her face passive. "How so?" she asked.

"She doesn't respond in normal ways to social cues, but everyone likes her anyway." Penny nodded.

Qrow and Glynda blinked at each other.

"Wait," Glynda said, gesturing to the adult man, "So you-"

"I mean, I'm in the periphery demographic-" Qrow smirked, "what's your excuse?

"I- well, I'd always been interested in cartoons," Glynda began-

And then Ruby and Yang came back to grab a few more bites of french fries.

Glynda and Qrow ended their conversation, but shared nods of begrudging respect.

And when the kids were done with their foods, they ran into the play area. Qrow and James and Glynda moved to a table half-populated with chairs overlooking the ball pit and jungle gym and slides.

After Glynda sat down, Ruby ran back and waved to Glynda's attention. Which seemed to be unnecessary, because afterwards Ruby just ran up to jump at Glynda's feet.

"Glynda Glynda, watch me climb on things!" Ruby pulled on Glynda's hand.

Glynda opened her mouth. "uhhh," she managed to say.

Qrow showed up and smiled at Ruby. "I'll watch you climb on things, Ruby," he said.

Ruby puffed you her cheek. "You already know I can climb on things. I want Glynda to see~"

Glynda opened her mouth awkwardly. "I have no reason to doubt your ability to climb on top of things."

"But I want you to see me!" Ruby pulled on Glyndas hand, so that she was 45 degrees from the ground, "C'mon! Please Glynda? Watch me climb on things?"

"Uh," Glynda said. There wasn't really any reason not to, because she'd just be sitting here and watching Ruby play, but this still seemed kind of strange to her. "Okay. Sure." Glynda flashed an encouraging smile.

And Ruby wore a smile that reached her ears. She jumped on her toes, twice. "Yay! Okay, I'm going now, watch me, Glynda!"

The thing maybe Ruby didn't realize was, was that a lot of the plastic tunnels were opaque and a lot of the climbable sections were behind other sections, so Ruby immediately dissapeared from view when she ran into the play area.

Glynda chuckled nervously and looked for something to do in the meantime. Glynda turned to where Penny and Yang were talking.

"So I was doing some math in my head," Glynda told Yang, "And I don't see why the sum of all real and complex numbers between zero and infinity is zero. Because, like, if you take (2 + 3i)^2, you get (10 + 6i), but (2 - 3i)^2 is (-2 6i), and the sum of those isn't zero."

Yang paused she closed her mouth and rubbed her chin. Then the pulled out a napkin and one of the half-pencils used to complete the maze on the back of the piece of paper they put on the trays to soak up the food grease.

"So we've established that the sum of all (x + yi), in which x and y go from negative infinity to positive infinity, is zero. We can call that Sum1."

Glynda nodded tentatively. She had the gut-chilling suspicion that she was going to be proven wrong, except this time it was in public and oh shizz Cinder might be watching that'd be the worst thing ever-

"And if you take the sum of all (x+yi)^2, you just have the sum of all (x+yi)*(x+yi), which is just Sum1*Sum1, which is zero, because Sum1 is zero, and zero times any sum of numbers is zero."

Glynda looked to the wall. Her cheeks felt hot. "Okay." She managed to say, weakly.

Yang laughed maniacally. Penny seemed impressed.

Glynda cleared her throat and breathed again. She turned to Penny. "So if I understand correctly," Glynda began. She waved the air in front of her ."And let me know if I'm out of bounds but- tou're," Glynda gestured towards Penny, "Celebrating your recovery from surgery with," Glynda gestured to the walls and ceiling and the front counter of the restaurant, "A trip to Mcdonald's."

Penny smiled. "Yes."

"I mean," Glynda began, "I wouldn't think of McDonald's as a celebratory restaurant, you know?"

"Mcdonald's is an international icon," Penny said, "Everyone eats here."

"That is correct," Cinder said. She took a seat in the booth, where Ruby had been sitting. She pulled out a cigarette and stuck it into the corner of her mouth.

"Umm," Penny said, "This is a no-smoking zone-"

"'s not lit," Cinder tapped the cigarette. "I just gotta have one in my mouth every so often."

Glynda blinked. She then frowned.

"Cinder, what are you doing here?" Glynda said, not quite keeping the annoyance out of her voice. "Shouldn't you be flipping burgers or something?"

"I'm on break." Cinder waned back and smirked. "It's normally my smoking break, but I'm giving that up to talk to a beloved classmate." Cinder smiled insufferably.

Glynda rolled her eyes and scootched away. Luckily, Ruby reappeared just then, at the very top of the play area, so Glynda was spared having to talk to Cinder.

Sankt-Kaiser Ruby Rose surveyed the wreckage of the castle she'd just conquered. She hung with one arm onto a desiccated flagpole, bearing the standard of a newly dead nation.

"And behold; I am the lord of all I survey." Ruby intoned. She smirked a victory smirk and made victorious gestures with her free arm.

"Do you see?" Ruby called out, dropping her voice affect, to the tables below her.

"Yes, that's very nice!" Glynda called, trying to keep her voice calm, from the eating areas, "Now please get back down to one of the designated play areas."

Ruby then got on her stomach and lowered herself on to a safe ledge. She then crawled out of view.

Glynda released a breath she didn't relive she was holding and stopped leaning forward.

"Aww, aren't you just the best babysitter." Cinder smirked her insufferable smirk again.

Glynda's cheeks felt hot. "Knock it off, Cinder." Glynda turned to talk to Penny again, but apparently Yang had escorted her to the ball pit, at the base of the play structure. And Qrow and James were having some sort of conversation that meant they weren't paying attention to anything else.

"Hey, don't be like that. I'm complimenting you. I saw what you did when she got french fries in her nose. That was very maternal of you."

Glynda's cheeks grew hot again. "Oh um. Cool. That's what babysitters are supposed to be, maybe?

And then there was a loud, raking sound, from a stool being pushed across the linoleum tiles. Ruby had gotten down from the playpen and had retrieved a stool, pushing it to the bench. Because Cinder had stolen her seat; Glynda realized, and she was going to tell Cinder to move except Ruby had finished providing her own sitting apparatus.

Ruby reached up onto the seat of the stool and started pulling herself up. "So Cinder, was it?" Ruby said. She also said some adorable exertion noises as she bodily pulled herself up on to the stool in what appeared to be the least efficient way possible. But once Ruby reached he top, she leaned forward, with her hands on the stool and her legs kicking off the edges. "You've gone to school with Glynda? Tell me all about what she's like at school."

Glynda's mouth froze in an open position. Cinder replied immediately, with a chuckle and smile, "Well," she began, and Glynda's blood seemed to be doing something funny, "On the first day of high school, Glynders here ate a squillion pancakes at the 'breakfast for lunch' lunch."

Glynda blushed. Ruby, however, opened her mouth in amazement and clutched her cheeks. "Wow, that's so many!"

"A squillion's not a real number!" Yang said from ball pit.

Cinder waved the air. "That is correct, my mistake. In actuality, Glynda only ate literally 3.525732 septacentillion pancakes."

Cinder smirked. Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side.

"That's better," Yang yelled from the ball pit.

Glynda waved the air at Ruby. "It was only like twelve."

"Twelve and a half," Cinder said. "I remember because Adam, Roman and I all gave you half of one of ours to see how many you'd actually eat. And it turned out to be twelve and a half."

Glynda continued to correct the story. Ruby gazed between the two of them, enraptured.

Cinder turned back to Ruby. "And she's first in our class, 'cause she's a nerd." Cinder said.

"Excuse you," Glynda said. "You're, like, consistently in the top ten of our class, grade-wise."

"Well I have to keep my grades up or the Mother Salem's going to drag me back to the Maximum Security Catholic School."

Glynda puffed out her cheek. "And aren't you an officer in, like, the three nerdiest clubs in the school?"

"Hey, theater's not nerdy. It's geeky. Get it right."

"You know who cares about the distinction between geeks and nerds?" Glynda said, "Nerds! Nerds like you."

Cinder seemed unfazed. "That is a component of but not a necessary factor in one's status as a nerd." She shifted the cigarette around her mouth.

"And the wargaming club? That's gotta be the nerdiest thing in the world."

"Hey, there is universal appeal to simulating tactical battles with tiny figurines."

"Wow!" Ruby said, "Glynda and I do those all the time."

Glynda opened her mouth and closed it. She hadn't looked at it that way.

"Oh? Maybe you should stop by some time," Cinder said to Ruby.

Glynda frowned. "And you can't tell me your music club isn't nerdy."

"Hey, the Light Music Club has a long, prestigious history of being cool," Cinder said. "Besides, I don't do the quintessential nerdy things like spending all my nights studying physics. Like some nerds."

Glynda blushed slightly. "Hey, I don't spent that much time studying. I have a life."

""Yeah," Ruby said, "She spends her nights watching cartoons with me!"

Glynda's cheeks grew a little hotter again. Cinder snorted and smirked. "Cartoons? That's literally the nerdiest thing you can watch, nerd."

Ruby waved the air. "So we've established that Glynda's a nerd-"

Glynda frowned.

"She also wears glasses," Cinder pointed out.

Ruby rubbed her chin. "True, true."

Speaking of which, Glynda's were starting to fog up as her face overheated in embarrassment.

"But what else?" Ruby said, "Does she have other significant personality traits that you can think of?"

"Glynda hates the guitar," Cinder stated, matter-of-factly.

Ruby looked scandalized. "But guitars are so cool!" She clutched Glynda's arm and rocked forward and backwards, "Don't hate the guitar, Glynda! Don't worry, I'll change your mind!" Ruby looked around, "As soon as I find a guitar..."

Glynda groaned, outwardly, because she knew what was going to happen next.

"As it so happens," Cinder said, "I happen to have my guitar on me..." Cinder pulled out an acoustic guitar out from behind her. She managed to do that with all sorts of stringed instruments at school.

"Wow, they let you bring a guitar to work?"

Cinder tapped her nose. "Only on breaks."

Ruby managed to crawl behind the guitar. It was bigger than she was.

"See, Glynda, guitars are cool!" Ruby strummed a C chord. "It's one of the only redeeming qualities about Raven."

Ruby strummed another C chord.

Glynda took a few breaths to compose herself. "I don't hate the guitar," Glynda said. She patted Ruby's hand. "Cinder's just sore because I wouldn't let her band perform at the VE Day dance."

Cinder pouted theatrically. "We even learned Russian and everything for it."

"You learned how to sing one song, with incorrect pronunciation."

"To be fair, it's not like anyone would have noticed."

Ruby played another C chord and then looked to Cinder. "So what else do you know about Glynda?"

"Well," Cinder said, "She gets on my case all the time for harmless rule violations."

"Yeah, such harmless school rule violations like smoking and drinking on campus."

Cinder kept the insufferable smirk that so many people seemed to have lately. "Hey, I only smoke in the parking lot, and I never drink."

"Aren't you catholic?"

Cinder looked scandalized, her mischievous demeanor dropping for the first time this afternoon. "Wine at communion is optional."

Glynda leaned back slightly. She'd realized she was probably over the line, there, and she looked around for a change in subject-

"Is that the only chord you know how to play?" Glynda asked Ruby.

Ruby looked at the ground and reddened. "...yes," she mumbled.

Cinder laughed. She held out her hands and Ruby returned the guitar. Or, at least, Ruby managed to lift the guitar slightly and tilt it towards Cinder.

Cinder started playing some sort of swing tune. It was, Glynda would have to admit, not quite the worst thing ever.

"Wow, Cinder," Ruby said, "You're so cool!"

"No she's not!" Glynda said. She puffed out her cheek. "If you actually ask her what her story is, you'll know she's not cool."

"Okay!"Ruby said, and Glynda regretted her last sentence, "Cinder, what's your story?"

"Well," Cinder said. She shifted the cigarette around her mouth. "I was born in the Max Sec Catholic School, having to serve my parent's debt. The catacombs were bereft of materialistic distractions, so I honed my mind in the pursuit of knowledge, and in the brutal Catholic school playgrounds I learned to fight."

Ruby clutched her cheeks. "Wow, just like Bane!"

"If there weren't any materialistic distractions, where'd you learn to play the guitar?" Glynda asked. She was ignored.

"You- you know who Bane is," Cinder stated. She cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair, nervously. "I may have to start cribbing more obscure backstories."

"And you say you're not a nerd," Glynda said.

"Hey, I never said I wasn't a nerd. I just wanted to make sure your conclusions came from proper logic and from the correct observations."

Ruby waved the air to get Cinder's attention. "So you've spend your childhood learning languages and fighting and stuff?"

"Yes, exactly." Cinder "And with my accumulated knowledges and powers, I began seeking my revenge."

"Wow!"

"Ruby, none of that is true," Glynda said, mildly annoyed. "Cinder, like most of the other orphans in the area, was just taken in by the nunnery and raised under their arguably strict schooling system until thier abailable teachers stopped at the end of middle school and she got sent to the public school system."

"That's still super cool!" Ruby said. Glynda frowned. "What were the nuns like?"

"Old and bitter. I used to think the Mother Superior wanted to destroy the world out of spite." Cinder said. She smirked. "Now I'm sure she does."

Ruby laughed. Glynda grew more annoyed.

"Well," Ruby said. She closed her eyes and put a hand on her chest, "I'm the best reader in all the third grades in the school district, and when I'm growed up ima become an engineer and invent fruit and berry combine harvesters. With guns." Ruby opened her eyes and pointed her fingers at things. "Pew pew."

Glynda was tempted to giggle. Cinder appeared to have been as well, and she gave into the temptation.

"Awww, aren't you just the cutest thing~," Cinder said. She pinched Ruby's cheek.

Ruby's eyes widened and she flailed, ineffectively. "Ahhh!" she said, unable to escape, "Glynda, save me!"

And for the second time, Glynda rushed over and scooped Ruby into her arms. Ruby hugged her torso and pouted at Cinder. Glynda glared.

Cinder looked mildly miffed. "Sorry," she said, "Didn't think cheek touching was such a sore subject."

Ruby rubbed her cheeks. Her eyes were still wet and her face was still a frown.

"You shouldn't touch other peoples faces just out of the blue," Glynda said, justifyably outraged.

Cinder then opted to bite her hand, smiling madly. With her other hand, she gestured to the child in Glynda's arms. "But just look at her! She's just too cute."

Glynda's nose twitched. She turned to her charge, "Ruby, I think you're cute too."

Cinder smirked insufferably, again. "Oh? I didn't realize it was a contest." Cinder turned back to Ruby. "In that case, I think you're cute times infinity."

Both of Glynda's cheeks puffed out, but she refreshed her smile before she turned back to the girl in her arms. "Yeah? Well I think you're cute times the sum of all real and complex numbers between neg- between zero and infinity."

From the ball pit, Yang gave Glynda an 'a-ok' hand sign. Ruby giggled.

Cinder raised an eyebrow. "Is that bigger than infinity?"

"In some systems, yes."

"Very well, then," Cinder gave a nod to Glynda, "I guess you win the contest."

"I-It wasn't a contest. I was just stating a fact."

Ruby laughed and then froze; presumably laughing moved the pinched part of her cheek, because she immediately started rubbing her face. "It's still tingly."

"Oh, Ruby." Glynda blew on her thumb and rubbed Ruby's cheek with it. In restrospect, she didn't know why she thought blowing on her thumb was important; maybe she got that confused with huffing on her glasses to clean them.

"Oh, so Glynders can rub your cheek," Cinder said, pretending to sound hurt.

"Yeah, it's only family members or babysitters who can touch my face," Ruby explained.

"Speaking of which," Cinder asked to Glynda, "When did you become a babysitter? I thought you were working for some sort of evil overlord to destroy the world."

Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side. "It was a robotics company. That went under. And since all the other internships were already taken, it was either join Ozpin's ameteur babysitting buisness or become an Elsa impersonator," she said.

She was going to add something about it being a rather difficult choice, but then Ruby said something.

"Well I'm glad you became a babysitter," Ruby said, "Elsa's dumb."

And just like that, Glynda's perfect perfection of Ruby shattered.

Glynda started trying to come up with a way to persuade Ruby out of her wrong opinion, but it turned out, she didn't have to.

"Excuse you," Cinder said. Her voice cracked, almost imperceptibly, "Queen Elsa is a cultural icon and an international treasure."

"Well so was Jefferson Davis, but that doesn't mean he's not dumb."

"Elsa is the sovereign ruler of her own country."

"You're still listing irrelevant qualifiers. There's lots of bad monarchs."

"FIne, I'll cut to the chase," Cinder puffed out her cheek. "Elsa's the most inspiring, relatable Disney princess in their entire canon."

"Pfff," Ruby rolled her eyes, "Someone with magic ice powers is relatable, and someone who spent her whole movie running from her problems is inspiring."

Cinders cheeks reddened. "There's a lot of people who find it hard to love themselves and who feel they will be shunned for their differences, and Elsa's a great role model for them."

"Well if you want one of those, we already got Magneto, and he at least takes his responsibility and agency seriously."

Cinder smirked slightly and tried to change the subject. Ruby wasn't having it.

"And look at how she treats her own sister!" Ruby waved her hands. "If anyone you love suddenly cut you out of their life and pushed you away everytime you tried to reach out, the healthy thing to do is let the be alone and move on to more healthy relationships."

"It's called filial loyalty-"

"Anna had to bury their parents alone!" Ruby said, "Are we just supposed to ignore that? Because Elsa was too sad to be a decent human being?"

Cinder opened and shut her mouth. "That- that is not fair-" She furrowed her brow in thought.

Ruby took the opportunity to go for the kill shot. "Elsa's only popular because too many people think she's cute and vulnerable." Ruby said. She crossed her arms. "Get a better waifu."

Cinder made some choking sounds. "Wha- pfff, nooo, that's- that's not- Well, now who's bringing up irrelevant qualifiers?" Cinder's voice hadn't recovered. Her face was reddening even more.

Glynda must have missed something.

Ruby's expression turned to curiosity. "Wait, is that really the reason you like her?"

Cinder pouted immensely. She picked her unused cigarette off the floor and threw it into a nearby trashcan. She stood up and brushed her self off. "I rescind what I said about you being cute."

Ruby stuck her tongue out at Cinder. "Well, infinity minus one is still infinity, so nyeah!"

Glynda suppressed a victorious chuckle. Cinder bit her lip, packed away her guitar, and left.

After Cinder disapeared into the annals of the corporate machine, Glynda exhaled. "I hate her," she said to Ruby. "So much."

Ruby giggled, and that made Glynda feel bad, somehow. "Nawww, she's pretty cool," Ruby said. She seemed to have already forgotten the shouting match she'd had with a teenager.

"No she's not!" Glynda frowned.

Ruby giggled some more. "Okay, she's only a little cool," Ruby said.

Glynda puffed out her cheek. "But I'm cooler."

Ruby giggled and hugged Glynda's head. It was comforting, somehow. "Of course you are."

Qrow was impressed with how well this night had gone. He was lounging on a surprisingly comfy Mcdonald's bench, next to his crush, and he'd managed not to act like he was missing a brain, for most of the evening.

"I don't think Penny's had this much fun since," James said, "Well, it's just that she usually has the less exciting kind of fun. Puzzles and stuff."

"Well, if it's any consolation," Qrow leaned back and crossed his legs as best he could to try to give his signature relaxed impression, "Sometimes I wish my nieces would be more into puzzles and stuff."

Ruby took one last run around the playpen, her hands outstretches besides her, when she wasn't climbing pieces of the playpen that weren't supposed to be climbed.

Penny and Yang were splashing each other in the ball pit.

Qrow took a breath. "Well," he said, managing to make eye contact, "You think they'd like to do this again sometime? Like next week? Maybe they'll have the green shakes restocked."

"I think they'd like that." James smiled at Qrow, slightly. "I know I would."

Qrow blinked a couple times. "Well, then it's a date." Qrow managed to say. He immediately had doubts about himself.

James smiled a little more and nodded. "Yes."

Qrow blinked. The he made an excuse to meet up with Ruby and Yang and stop holding in his excitement. For perhaps the first time that evening, he could keep up with his nieces energy.

Then Glynda came to check on them, and Qrow coughed and re-comported himself.

Qrow asked Glynda and Yang if he could have a moment with Ruby. The two blondes agreed, Glynda somewhat reluctantly, and Yang led the babysitter away.

"Um. Ruby, can I ask you something?" Qrow said solemnly. He pulled out the last pack of french fries and threw one into his mouth to procrastinate. He inhaled and exhaled and refreshed his chill. He was an adult. He could just ask Ruby, cut through all the guessing and testing and he could stop obsessing about it.

After Qrow finished his fry, he managed to look his step-niece in the eyes. "Ruby, do you like Glynda more than me?"

Ruby paused for a moment, and then looked mortified. "What?" Ruby said. She then looked contemplative. "Zos that why you've been acting so weird all afternoon?"

Qrow scrunched his mouth to the side. "...maybe."

Ruby hugged his legs. "You'll always be my bestest uncle, Qrow." Qrow made to kneel down, and Ruby released her arms so they could hug for reals.

After they stopped hugging, Qrow took a seat on the bench.

"I don't know what it was," Qrow said, "You guys are my family, and I guess I liked being a mentor."

"And you still are! I still like engineering and agriculture!" Ruby said, "But I like Glynda in a different way." Ruby took a sip from her soda. "You're my mentor and my inspiration, yeah?"

Ruby reached her hands out to Qrow's fries. Qrow plucked the fry Ruby was about to take. Ruby puffed out her cheek for half a second and said "And maybe you're also a big jerk," before she took a different fry. Qrow smirked.

"As for Glynda," Ruby said. She swallowed her fry. "In seven and a half years I'm going to ask her to marry me."

And then it was Qrow's turn to get some french fries stuck in his nose.

"Mr. Branwen," James said. He held out a handful of napkins. "Um. Yes."

"T-thanks," Qrow said. He took the napkins and fixed his nose.

And then James and Penny had to leave, so Yang went to say goodbye to Penny, and Glynda and Ruby stood by awkwardly, trying to ignore the pouty glares from Cinder, who had returned to being a (slightly less composed, compared to before her cigarette break) food corporation stooge.

And Ruby and Yang downed the five remaining french fries. They threw away their wrappers and returned their trays and left to the parking lot.

Qrow drove them back to the house.

"Well," Qrow said, "That took a little longer than I thought, so I think I'll head home now."

Yang turned to her uncle. "You don't want to stay and watch cartoons with us?" Ruby shot her a dirty look.

Qrow waved the air. "Naw, I think I'm good."

Ruby and Yang said their goodbyes.

After they did, Qrow held his hand out to Glynda, looking the sitter straight in the eyes, his expression completely serious. "Take care of them, will ya?

Glynda blinked. She took the hand. "Yes, of course."

And then Qrow left.

"Hey, Ruby," Glynda said.

"Yeah?"

"Why did the pirate chicken cross the ocean?"

"Why?"

"To get to the other tide."

Ruby blinked. She didn't say anything. She didn't laugh.

Glynda blushed. "W-well, let's go watch cartoons, then."

OMAKE 1:

During the evening lull in fast food traffic, the manager of the 24 Hour McDonald's on 5th and Main took her last break before midnight.

She ducked into a stall and let every mask she wore fall away.

Cinder pulled out her phone and flashed a smile, gentle and desperate, at her screensaver, a picture of a pale, blonde woman with icy blue eyes that matched her dress and a confident smile on her face.

"Don't worry, my snowflake," Cinder smooched the screen of her phone and unlocked her phone, swiping along the cheek of picture of the woman, "I'll always love you."

OMAKE 2:

Qrow held the phone away from his head and grimaced. Summer's voice was scary even over the phone. "YOU TOOK THE KIDS TO MCDONALDS!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW UNHEALTHY THE FOOD THERE IS!?"