*Continued from last 'chapter'. Just things I've wanted to say, but I'm too big of a wimp to. Some of this is true, but he hasn't confronted me or anything. Just some thing's I want to say to him*
Life had become hell for John, to say the least. He went through the motions at school, at home, but nothing felt the same anymore.
Everyday day that he woke up and didn't tell Alexander good morning made his heart break a little more. He tried to act like he was over it, he tried to act like he had went from heartbroken to angry, but it was all an act he put up so Lafayette wouldn't bitch at him for being sad.
He made comments under his breathe anytime Alexander did something that made him relatively mad, but he didn't actually say anything to him.
He even went as far as saying he hated 'ES' (Elizabeth Schuyler), even though he didn't actually know her. He knew that she was rich, that all the boys wanted to be with her, but he had never actually talked to her. But if she was the reason that Alexander broke up with him, John didn't like her. True, her and her family had just moved to the area, and it was possible she hadn't known about the two, but he didn't really care.
John was in what the school called the 'pep band', meaning the band, but they played at the sporting events. Every Friday night, John was stuck playing at the football games, right in front of none other than Eliza and Alexander. They were all over each other, smiling, laughing, hands everywhere. John was never more relieved whenever the game was over. He cried harder than he had in almost a week that night.
One day John was walking to class whenever Alex and Eliza were right where he needed to walk. He sighed, biting the inside of his lip before speaking, "One of us has to move," He started, finally working up the courage to look at them, "And it's not going to be me."
Alexander didn't say anything as he led the girl out of John's way.
Lafayette would do subtle things to Alex, 'accidentally' run into him in the hall, whisper things (not usually about Alex) whenever he walked past him, all kind of things that made Alexander crazy.
One day after school, Alex finally lost it.
"What the hell is your problem?" He confronted John, and John just kept walking, "Seriously? I get it, I broke up with you, but you don't have the right to act like this."
"You didn't have the right to break up with me less than a day after telling me you loved me, so I guess we're even," John retorted.
Alex practically growled at the other's words, "Oh, whatever."
John didn't respond, instead just rolled his eyes and kept walking.
"Y'know, most people just get over i-"
John cut Alexander off, turning to face him, "There are things you don't know about me."
"I know everything about you," Alexander challenged.
John shook his head, "You don't know shit about me."
"Like what?" Alex coaxed an eyebrow, "Please, enlighten me."
'Like how there are days I don't want to come to school, because you're extremely loud and I don't want to hear your voice.
How some days I don't answer Laf, because all I want to do is be miserable.
How I swallow my pride, and I deal with it every time I see you with her.
How I have resisted the urge to actually talk to you, so that I don't get more attached.
How I've considered blocking you, and her, on Snapchat so that I don't have to watch how much you like her.
How sometimes I see old pictures of us, and I break down.
How I can't walk in my woods anymore, because they just remind me of you.
How I've considered quitting band, because I don't want to see you with her more than I have to.
How sometimes I lay awake at night, staring at my ceiling, wondering where I went wrong.
How whenever people ask me how I'm doing, I smile and pretend like I'm okay, but all I can think about is you.
How nobody wants to be around me anymore, because all I can talk about is you.
How I can't watch baseball with my family anymore, because it reminds me too much of you.
How I can't listen to certain songs anymore, because they remind me of the night we just drove around.
How sometimes people ask you something about yourself, and I can still answer it before you get the chance.
How I still have that shirt I made you in the front of my closet, because I don't have to heart to get rid of it.
How I feel like you and your friends' all hate me, and it kills me.
How I feel dead inside anymore.
How every time I think about anything, it always comes back to you.
How my friends tell me how happy you look, and I wonder why she's so much better than me.
How I take one look at her, and realize exactly why you did it, but I refuse to believe that you had a valid reason.
How I still can't grasp why you promised me you loved me a day before you broke up with me.
How I don't go outside, because I don't feel like getting out of bed most days.
How I still love you more than anything, but I can't tell you, because you have her.
How I'm jealous of her, because I know the look you give her.
How I know that look, because it's the same way you used to look at me.
How I know I didn't deserve you, but I still feel we should be together.
How I know I should hate you, because you screwed me over, but I would take you back in a heartbeat.'
Instead of saying any of those things, however, John recited something he had screenshot from Instagram a while before, "You know how when you're in a car and it's pouring down rain, you go under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it's almost peaceful. Then you finally get from under the bridge, and everything hits you a little harder than before. You were my bridge," John whispered before turning, leaving before Alexander could see him cry.