It's his loss' John had heard those words more times than he could count, but they never seemed to be true. He tried to remind himself every day when waking up that Alexander wasn't worth all of his sadness, but it felt like he was lying to himself- Alexander was worth every bit of it.
It had been almost a month since they broke up- John knew that he should have been over it by then, but it was like every time he thought he'd be okay, a new wave of missing Alex washed over him. Some days were better than others, but some days he would sit in his bedroom and stare at the ceiling.
Alexander didn't seem to notice how much he had broke John, and John wasn't sure if he wanted him to or not. Alex went about his life, and as John's luck went, both Alexander and Eliza got on homecoming court. They had announced that, and John knew that they'd walk out together, and he'd be forced to see how easy he was to replace once again.
Of course, Lafayette was being no help, only telling John to get over it.
"It was three months in high school," He would say everyday while rolling his eyes, "Just get over it, move on, find another boy." That, as John knew, would be easier said than done.
Each day he tried to let go of Alex a little more, but each day it didn't work. He went through the motions with a smile on his face, but he didn't feel alive anymore. He felt like he was a dead soul in a moving body. Everything he did was because of Alexander, and that wasn't good.
Love was brought up in English class one day, and John shrunk in his chair. From beside him, Laf gave him a small smile, but John decided to just zone out instead.
'Summarize your perspective on love-at your age- in one word' the teacher had instructed, and then she had started randomly selecting people to give her their word, and an explanation on why they chose that particular word.
John prayed that she would just look over him, but sure enough, that didn't work.
"John," She had said, and John wanted nothing more than to die at that moment.
Sure enough, John's heart didn't stop, and he was forced to answer.
"Unnecessary," He mumbled, his eyes not leaving his desk.
The teacher looked almost confused, John was normally so upbeat, "And your explanation?" She asked.
"Love at such a young age is unnecessary," He continued, "Because at this age, there's no real future for any of us. It's more than likely just going to end in heartbreak, so why bother?" He managed.
Alexander from behind him obviously wouldn't stand for that, "I disagree," He said, earning a groan from John and several other people in the class, "Just because you can't find a stable relationship, John, doesn't mean that some of these relationships won't last."
A collective gasp ran through the room, and John shrunk even more in his chair. Lafayette, however, wasn't going to stand for it.
"You're right, Alexander," He started, turning to face the boy he had listened to John cry about all those times before, "Some of these relationships might last, just not any of yours. You might have this girl of yours fooled for right now, but soon enough she'll see how much better she could do."
Another gasp ran through the room as Alexander stood up
Is that so, Gilbert?" He mocked the other's accent, this caused Laf to stand, "You can insult me all you want, but it's not going to get you my girlfriend aft-"
Lafayette laughed, crossing his arms, "Oh, Alexander, if I wanted your girlfriend, I would already have her."
Before Alexander could react, the bell rang, and John was the first one out of the room.
"Thanks," He muttered to Lafayette as he caught up to him, but after that he stopped paying attention the Laf's rambling, and the other kid's stares.
John knew he shouldn't have still felt that way about Alexander. He knew he shouldn't have still cried about him, or obsessed over why this Eliza girl was so much better than him, but he couldn't stop it. Alex was worth all of it, the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights. The small hope that John hated admitting he still had- the small hope that Alex still loved him kept him going.
I wish more than anything I could give you a happy ending, but that's not real life. Real life isn't Rachel and Ross on and off again until they realize they love each other. Real life is one person being fine, and the other being miserable. And I wish it wasn't- I wish I could write this to where Alexander realizes he was wrong, and he still loves Laurens, and everything would be alright, but that would be lying to you. I wish I could write it that way, after all, that would mean I got my happy ending, but that's not how life goes. So, this is the end of this storyline, I'm sorry if you wanted love, but this is heartbreak- and it sucks.
I wrote this chapter just to conclude. I know it's short, but I knew it wasn't going to have its happy ending, so I decided I'd just end the storyline now. Thank you everyone for reading it