Tuesday – four days later.
Stan carries a big rock to the wall; hunched over, his arms droop completely down from the weight. Gerald talks as he walks with Stan.
"And left, and right, and left, and right, and left. Yep, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking to and from the wall. I know – you're probably getting tired of not being allowed to talk to anyone, but you brought B.A.L.L.S. upon yourself with your actions. You should be more like my son; B.A.L.L.S. are the furthest thing from his mind. On the plus side, between your extra efforts and regular wall work, the wall should be finished tomorrow and then we can begin painting it!"
Stan drops the rock onto the wall where he slapped on some cement in advance; he sighs and then begins stirring the cement mix to keep it from hardening.
.
Kyle, Kenny, and Clyde prepare dinner in the kitchen; all three peel potatoes.
"You know, Kenny, I have a theory: they call potatoes potatoes because it sounds boring and stuffy so they can corner the market on this wonder pud. Think about it: mashed potatoes, potato chips, Spudnuts Doughnuts, French fries, pierogis – it's a miracle food. You can even plant seeds of other foods in it and grow them in it."
"What about pahtahtoes?" Kyle asks, screwing around with Clyde.
"I don't know, sounds like a knockoff, like wings with a z. What do they make out of pahtahtoes?"
"All the same things."
"That's gotta be illegal," says Clyde.
.
Later during dinner; Wendy and Craig guard Cartman's C.O.C. house while Gerald supervises Stan, who ate ahead of everyone else and is now cleaned up and refreshed. Getting too dark to cement rocks on the wall, Stan simply cleans rocks near the C.O.C. shack, using the flood-lamp light to work by.
"You kids doing all right? Oh, that's right – you can't talk. None of you can talk. I know you're all probably wondering where Child Stan has been; well, he's working B.A.L.L.S. right now for his O/H's. He's not allowed to talk to any other Cretans. Commissioner told me all about you two. Back in my day we had the sense to sneak out to Make-Out Point or climb through bedroom windows, rather than hide behind buildings at places of higher. Right, Child Stan?" Gerald says after turning to look at Stan. "See? Getting smarter already. You're doing a fine job cleaning those rocks; making sure to get every last bit off," he turns back to Wendy and Craig and steps closer to them, "So, Child Wendy, why Child Stan and not Child Kyle? If you'd have picked my Child Kyle, none of this would be happening right now; my son is a good boy. Child Stan, you could learn a thing or two from him."
Stan grumbles in a low voice.
"Well," Gerald looks at his old-fashioned wind-watched on his wrist, "Dinner is almost over; almost time for you three to eat."
.
Wendy and Craig eat on one side of the trough while Stan sits alone on the other. Eric walks around casually while eating an apple.
"Child Stan is really taking one for you, Child Wendy; B.A.L.L.S. can be hard and you really got to suck it up. If you don't, it'll just feel like they're pounding you all day long. I don't get any joy out of this," he then takes a bite out of the apple again, "I do this for you, so you'll be a better Cretan; only then can you help others."
.
Gerald sits back in Cartman's desk chair, substituting as the teacher while Eric is in the feeding barn; he reads from "The Bridges of Madison County".
"As he moved over her, he alternatively kissed her lips or ears or ran his tongue along her neck; licking her like some fine leopard might do in long grass out on the wild," he sits up and up looks confused, "What the fuck?" he says in a low voice. He sees a kid raise a hand, "Yes, Child Kenny?"
"I'm confused. Is he saying a leopard would lick her like that or is he saying leopards kiss each other's ears and lips as well as lick each other's necks, uncle Gerald?"
"I … don't know," Gerald replies back.
"Uncle Gerald," Kenny continues, "isn't that also improper use of the word or?"
"Ahhh … maybe."
"And more poor sentence structure, too, uncle Gerald?"
"Listen, this is widely considered by critics to be a literary masterpiece; whatever faults we perceive are our own and maybe all you Cretans need to do less criticizing and more thinking like some attentive leopard would be out in long grass out on the wild," he then leans back and comments loud enough for just himself to hear, "Gerald, you're a fine genius."
.
Thursday morning; all the kids are lined up for inspection, which Eric is finishing.
"Okay, everything looks good. After about a month of mastering P.E.S.T. work, I'm happy to say you're all better S.C.U.M. now, and tomorrow when you graduate to the Lake Org and relocate to the new facilities, you'll be leveling up in training. Yes, tomorrow we get serious about your Myentology training. Because of this special occasion, tonight all Cretans will be allowed to stay home overnight on Shore Leave. Please remember to pack your stuff and take it with you. You or your parents will drive you to the Lake Org; there's a slip of paper on each mattress with the address. The rest of the day will be spent finishing the wall and painting it, followed by touch-up cleaning. Remember. Child Stan is still dealing with B.A.L.L.S., so no one is to talk with him at all other than me, Executive Director, and C.O.P. Butters. Don't forget that B.A.L.L.S. are always beneath you, but always within the reach of a Problem Child, so you must be careful around B.A.L.L.S. and contain your O/H's or you too could find yourself in a sticky situation. One last thing before I hand over control to C.O.P. Butters for the day: remember the S.O.R.E. donation. Executive Director and I have important paper work to take care of off-site. TTFN," Eric walks passed them and to Gerald's SUV, where he gets in; Gerald drives off.
Butters walks back and forth, trying to look menacing while lightly smacking the riding crop that Eric passed onto him, into one of his hands, "While Commissioner is away, I shall be your Momentary Relief Educator Deputy; or M.R.E.D. for short. Now, I can be nice or I can be a harsh mistress," he stops and faces them, "Rest assured I can be soft or I can be firm!" he smacks the side of one of his legs with the riding crop, "OW! Son of a biscuit that hurts! Oh, that's gonna be a major owie tomorrow."
.
Later that day. Gerald pulls back up to Ranch Seasoning as Kyle and Stan are taxied away by Timmy.
Eric hops out and is greeted by Butters.
"They're the last ones, Commissioner and all their stuff is gone. Permission to leave?"
"Denied. Executive Director is going on Shore Leave with his Hog family. I need you here to oversee equipment relocation; Jimbo and Ned will be here shortly to help load and move mattresses and what not."
"Oh. Right-O, Commissioner."
BEEP, BEEP! Eric turns to see Gerald motioning to Eric to come over. Eric walks over.
"Yes?"
"I almost forgot – I have Kyle's S.O.R.E. contribution with me," Gerald reaches out to hand Eric the money. As Eric grabs it, Gerald adds, "Five dollars as usual."
"Oh. Good," he watches Gerald drive away, "I see…"
.
Early Friday morning. The sun has already crested the horizon as the kids wait patiently outside the new Lake Org building; a white three-story building out in some land with an old tractor on one side of it.
"This place looks familiar…" Kyle comments lowly.
The main door opens, followed by a red light above it flashing on and off, making the same warning sound as the containment unit in the first "Ghostbusters" film when shut off. Eric comes out, wearing his same uniform, only now adorned with a couple of medals. He shuts the door de-activating the alarm.
"Welcome S.C.U.M. to the prestigious new home of Myentology training, made possible by the sale of Ranch Seasoning. Hence forth every Friday will be known as Lake Org Day; on that day less P.E.S.T. work will be done and more studying will occur. Being the first day here, take some time to unload your stuff and explore the building and grounds. M.o.P. Butters will check your supplies to make sure none of you brought any cellphones or electronics, which are still forbidden. Child Craig, Child Clyde, please come with me…"
The three enter the building. Eric unlocks a stairwell door by sliding a key card through a wall-mounted reader. They climb up to second story, which consists of just two medium-sized rooms.
"Clyde, Craig already knows what I'm going to say. Clyde, you seem uncaring bastard in-the-making, like a future supervisor or boss."
"Thank you. I guess. Commissioner."
"How'd you like authorita and special privileges?"
"What about the rest of the kids – do they get any of these?" Clyde asks.
"Just you two and Butters right now."
"Then yes. Yes I do," Clyde answers.
"Welcome aboard, Clyde; now you two will be taking the P.I.S.S.; as a Prominent Individual Servicing the Scheme, you three will become the moral police, or 'M.o.P's'. This will be your only post; no other post duties, though you will still be doing P.E.S.T. work. These three bags have the special uniforms, or estradas as I call them. You'll be on the lookout for O/H infractions and you'll have the power to give demerits."
"I promise not to abuse this new-found power any more than is necessary," says Clyde.
"Now, Butters has seniority. Only you two, Butters, Executive Director, and myself are allowed on the second story, unless I bring a Cretan up with me. And only I, Butters, and Executive Director are allowed on the third story," he points to a locked door with the uppercase letters "C.O.C." painted on it, "Nobody climbs up top my C.O.C. without permission. Note that demerits will not gain my trust and earn you a key to the top of my C.O.C., only loyalty and selfishness will. Now get dressed and explore and patrol."
.
Kyle, Stan, and Kenny explore the building.
Kyle closes a bathroom door, "I found flush-toilets! We've entered the 20th century."
"Cool," says Kenny.
They follow Stan into a large room and find bunk beds; a number of kids are already there and setting their stuff in pre-marked dresser drawers.
"I'm getting deja vu," says Stan.
"Hey, the bunk beds have name stickers on them. I'm gonna find my bunk!" says Kenny.
"Yep, now I know why…" Kyle pulls a piece of paper and holds it up.
Stan reads it, "Blaintology. Free Nike shoes with sign up. Kool-Aide refreshments provided."
"This is the friggin' Blaintology building we shaved our heads for and later escaped from," says Kyle.
"It's still here? How come we burned down the Wal-Mart but not this?" Stan asks.
"A reminder so we'd never forget?" Kyle ponders aloud.
Stan comments, "Oh yeah. I forgot what we weren't supposed to forget."
"Let's go find our bunk beds and make sure they're made before Butters checks," says Kyle.
Kenny reads a name sticker, "I got … Clyde. Damnit."
Stan says to Kyle, "Oh, cool, we got the same bunk."
"Neat. I got the top. Indoor air conditioning, flush toilets, things are looking up," Kyle says, looking happier.
"Ahem. Child Kyle," says Eric, who has snuck up behind them.
"Commissioner?"
"Come with me."
.
Eric and Kyle climb up to the second story area. Once up there, Eric unlocks the door marked "Analyzing Room".
"Uuurrrmmm," Kyle mutters in a frustrated tone.
"You know the procedure, "Eric says.
As Eric turns the S-Meter on, Kyle removes his shirt and puts the cups over his nipples.
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
"Good. Are you tired?"
"No."
"Good. Is there any reason to not start this invasiveness?"
"Yes."
"Explain."
"I'm innocent. I haven't done anything!"
"Oh, oh, your needle is going down faster than Mark Shayman back stage at a male model contest."
"But all I've done is clean rocks and paint them!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"The S-Meter doesn't like, Kyle. It's flatter than MSNBC's ratings. You wanna try that again?"
"Uuummm … I really think I'm innocent."
"Your dad gave me your S.O.R.E. contribution last night; the regular five dollars."
"Ooohhh, that."
"Does Child Stan have it?"
"No. It's all spent."
"What? How could you have … never mind. From now on I expect to get the full five dollar amount every Friday."
"Yes, Commissioner."
"Child Kyle, I see you're gonna need some special attention. From this point on I will be riding you harder than before. You'll also be my assistant as needed, since Butters has been re-assigned. Welcome to Cretan Re-assignment Assistant Personnel."