Chapter 15 - Uncle Phil

From the second Clint walked into the mansion, it was go, go, go. Gerry and Zoe both wanted to meet up with their friends to play, and they had a hold of each of his hands dragging him down the hallways that they already had memorized all the way down to where the kids were gathered, getting lathered up with sunscreen and water wings.

"Estranged work husband," K sang out in place of hello when she saw Clint. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Other, shorter wife!" Clint called back with a grin.

"Where have you been lately?" she asked. "It's been downright boring around here."

"Well, Nat's been grumpier than usual this time around," Clint said with a little laugh. "She says it's because we're having a boy instead of something easier."

"Well … I can see that," she said with her head tipped to the side. "I was ready to cry more often than not with James."

Clint nodded. "She was having an 'everyone leave me alone' day, so it was time for a family field trip. Jess is taking her to the spa."

"Oh, good," she said with a little smirk. "How long are you going to stick around? Coffee for sure, right? I have some fresh peaches …as both bribe and thanks for helping out the girls with the kids while we zip off for a few days up north. I really really do appreciate it."

"Say no more," Clint chuckled. "Besides, we'll be around; trying to separate Zoe and Kari when they're on a roll is just impossible before bedtime anyway."

"Well it's good to do that," K said. "Big news of the day, of course … Annie and I both have our opinions on the better cobbler/pie situation. So we have both. Super bribes ..."

"Seriously. How are you not all bowling balls by now?"

"I don't really eat much of it myself," K admitted. "More about the scent to me than anything."

Clint laughed as he followed K toward the kitchen for coffee, letting Gerry and Zoe mob their Aunt Katie for attention anyway. "Right. And about being right. Can't let Annie win," he teased.

"It's good for her to get riled from time to time," K said.

"She's a Summers now," he pointed out. "All my intel points to the fact that it's gonna happen anyway."

"So … by virtue of who we're both married to, it's my duty to pick at her?" She nodded slowly. "I'm on board."

Clint laughed at that as he went to the cabinet to pull down a couple mugs and saluted her with them both in one hand. "Flawless logic."

K smiled his way as he got their coffee. "So, what can you use for the little guy? I'm sure the tiny bow has already been commissioned."

"Oh, absolutely," he chuckled. "And the all-black onesie so he can match Mom. The whole nine."

"Bandages?"

"Don't jinx him that early. C'mon. Let him learn to crawl first."

"Hey. Genetics."

"I'm hoping he takes after Nat," Clint said with a shrug. "Zoe…" He looked toward the door that led outside, where the kids were starting to play in the sprinklers now. "She has this perpetual bruise right at the level of her eyes. Runs into things, trying to keep up with the bigger kids. She had the glare down when she was a baby, but the older she gets, the more she's like me..."

"I swear to God, I won't make a joke about not seeing it coming," K teased.

"It just happens to be that she's at that height. Chairs are eye level. She's not tall enough to hit tables yet."

"Yet."

"I got the full blame for every one of Gerry's bruises. I know it's coming."

"Oh, I'm sure," she agreed. "Has Wade gotten to you yet? He was a little … excitable there for a while."

"Yeah, I heard about Ellie," Clint said with a wide grin. "How's that going, by the way?"

"Scott's been working with her, and she's starting to be able to consciously control it," K said with a nod. "We'll have to wait for Rachel to know if it's permanent — the more translucent situation. She hasn't been able to fully go opaque."

"She'll fit in great at Wade's place. It's fulla ghosts," Clint said. "There was a naked Ben Franklin last time I visited."

"That's what he was saying," K said, cringing at the mental picture. "The ghosts … not … the naked … historical figures."

"Yeah, it's an experience," Clint said, shaking his head. "But hey, if she was gonna have powers, best powers for her to have, right? He's always saying he's trying to keep her hidden from his enemies."

"I am partial to my own power set?" K said. "But for her, it seems to be a great fit, yes."

"I got the full earful for about two hours when he came by," Clint said, laughing. "The Proud Dad Strut went on and on. It was great."

"He's a good guy," K replied with a little smirk. "When he's not actively being a moron."

"You just gotta remind him sometimes," Clint agreed, leaning back in his chair.

The two of them had just gotten to the second round of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Someone else got it at the front, though whoever it was came through and poked his head in the kitchen — and Phil Coulson broke into a wide, honest-to-goodness grin when he saw the two of them there, shocking Clint into putting all four chair legs on the ground.

"I didn't know you were coming over," K said as she made her way over to the SHIELD agent and wrapped him up in a tight hug. "How are you still in?"

"When it works, it works," Coulson replied, returning the hug with a smile. When she finally let him go, she gave him a kiss on the cheek and pulled him into the kitchen by the hand.

"Come have some coffee. I haven't seen you in forever."

"I didn't know you guys… were… hugging," Clint finally managed, staring between the two of them.

The two of them shared a look, and Coulson gave her a look that clearly said it was up to her how much to disclose.

"Phil … helped me out when I slipped loose of Weapon X … the first time," K explained. "I was clear that I didn't want to be in the same setup with SHIELD, and considering the climate at the time …"

"I agreed that SHIELD wasn't ready to take on their own personal feral ex-weapon," Coulson finished.

"That…" Clint shook his head. "I'd say I can't believe it, but I almost can."

"Fury was focused on getting Logan to join up, and for a while there … it looked like it might work," Coulson said. "I didn't think she needed the stress."

"Which is good, because the way he was so … antsy about Weapon X and mutants at the time, I would have absolutely killed him," K said before she pointed at herself. "No warm, fuzzy, shared war experiences to temper it with."

"Yeah, and now I'm glad we met when we did, because I'd hate to hear what you thought about the Avengers," Clint said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Another reason to keep her off of everyone's radar," Coulson said, smirking as he stirred his coffee. "She had been giving Natasha fits for months. It likely would have been ugly."

"Yeah, Nat can be mean," Clint joked.

"Even more so when she couldn't do her job right because of a particularly good agent on the other side," Coulson said giving him a look. "I'm sure you remember that stretch of time. Notes in various places … sometimes just a little 'hi'."

"Yeah, I remember," Clint said with a nod. "She wasn't happy. It wasn't fun." He looked K's way. "Thanks, K. Retroactively? I blame you."

"Hey," she defended. "Last mission I ran for them was one that she very nearly busted me. Almost. I even had to poison myself to kill the guy. It was kind of miserable."

"Sounds rough. The almost being busted by her," Clint deadpanned. "You know I was the sparring partner she put on the ground when she was mad right?"

"Oops. Retroactively," K replied with a little shrug that had Coulson chuckling before she turned his way. "What are you doing here anyhow?"

"Actually, I'm here to pick up Eleanor," Coulson said.

"So … is this going to be a regular thing, then?" K asked.

"I honestly have no idea," Coulson laughed. "I just know I got a message on my desk that Deadpool was doing something — couldn't get back in time — asked me to come get her."

K gestured to the kids playing outside. "Well, she usually prefers to stick around when the gang shows up. Hang out with the bigger kids and watch over the little ones. You should stay for dinner."

"I'd love to," Coulson said with a little smile.

"And we're sure he's not a Skrull?" Clint laughed.

"Why would you say that?" K asked, scrunching up her nose at him.

"He's … you… I didn't know Phil did … this."

"You … didn't know that he helped people?" K asked. "Even when it wasn't for SHIELD's benefit?" Both of them were giving Clint a look that bordered on expectant and confused.

Clint held up both hands. "No, that I believe. It's the domestic, laughing Phil thing that's freaking me out."

"I followed up on where I hid her," Coulson replied. "Made sure no one was bothering her and that she was settling in with no Weapon X-related issues."

"No, no, I get that part too. That's very you," Clint said, then shook his head. "Just ... never mind. I'll get past it."

The three of them sat down for coffee and could see out the window as the kids were all playing in the sprinklers, and it was another little while before Eleanor did, in fact, come downstairs with Jana and Leslie Ann — all three girls grinning and laughing together.

"Oh, hi, Uncle Phil," Eleanor said with a grin.

Coulson gave her a warm smile and a wave. "I'm told we're staying for dinner," Coulson told her.

"Oh, good!" Eleanor beamed. "It's Wolverine's turn to cook, so it should be good."

"He killed a bunch of pheasants," K said. "It's been a while since we did that."

"Sometimes he does seafood, but…" Leslie Ann shrugged. "We probably won't get that again until like… October."

"Anniversary sushi run," K half sang.

"And leave the rest of us out?" Leslie Ann asked, sounding betrayed. "I love sushi!"

"Oh yeah, no one's going along for that," K said with a smile.

Leslie Ann let out all her breath. "Alright, but I do want to go see Japan again. It was fun. You know. Except for the ninjas."

"The ninjas are the fun part," K argued.

"Only if you're prepared for them," Leslie Ann pointed out. "I did throw a bunch of them across a block, though."

"I'm sure he made sure you were safe," she said. "He was probably more stressed about it than you were."

Leslie Ann nodded at that as the girls all joined the table, with Jana grabbing a few snacks in the meantime. "So… is something going on?" Jana asked at last. "Some kind of SHIELD something or…?" She gestured at Coulson with her head tipped to the side.

"That's my Uncle Phil," Eleanor said.

"Sweetest SHIELD agent in the whole agency," K agreed with a smirk Coulson's way.

Coulson shook his head at that but leaned forward to offer Jana his hand. "Phil Coulson, special agent of SHIELD."

Jana raised an eyebrow at him but carefully shook his hand. "Jana. Junior X-Man."

He smiled pleasantly her way. "Pleasure to meet you."

"He's so underselling himself," K said Jana's way. "He's like … 80% of the reason Fury isn't dead."

"70%," Coulson said with a smirk.

"Right. Logan is the other ten," she agreed with a smile.

"Well, maybe you should add another ten for the fact that Maria Hill would be in charge otherwise," Clint pointed out.

"Oh, no," K said, shaking her head. "I'd have killed her too." She turned Coulson's way dramatically. "I still can. You can run that thing."

"No thanks," Coulson laughed, holding up both hands. "Not really my thing."

"I liked Clay too," K admitted. "Is he still making sure Nick looks good?"

"Always," Coulson said with a smirk.

"Typical," Jana said, leaning back and shaking her head. "Two best friends I make in this place are related to the fuzz."

"Well, it oughta keep you from being a dumbass," K replied. "The threat of being hauled up to the helicarrier."

"It's more fun if you go on your own," Eleanor said with a grin.

"True story," K agreed.

"Pretty sure they mean going willingly? Not infiltrating it," Coulson said K's way.

"Potato, po-tah-toe," K shrugged.

"No, I gotta agree with the other wife. The sneaking into Fury's place to carve him messages. Way more fun," Clint said.

K was smiling his way and biting her bottom lip. "Been a while. Might need to do that just to see if he's upgraded his security."

"Can I make any requests on the message content?" Clint asked.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" she asked.

He leaned forward with a crooked grin and dropped his voice to a whisper only she could hear. "Ask me when Nat has the baby."

"Why not tell me now?" she asked, clearly intrigued.

"Because you can't carve 'you're a godfather' until after he's a godfather," Clint said, grinning wider. "Nat's idea."

"Well. I'll just do it as soon as it happens then," K said with a nod. "I'll have mine first probably anyhow, and I'll be good to go within hours."

"Yeah, that's what I hear," Clint said. "Nat's jealous."

"I'll just consider it my duty when she's ready," K promised.

"I appreciate it," Clint said, leaning back with a grin as he looked over at Coulson. "Act surprised when Fury looks like he can't decide if he's mad or not."

"I didn't hear a thing," Coulson said with a smirk.

"And you didn't read my lips either," Clint laughed.

"I was … preoccupied watching the adorable kids outside."

"Exactly."

Jana grinned. "I think I like this one," she told Eleanor, who just laughed.

"Because he's Phil," she said, and Coulson simply shrugged lightly, perfectly at ease as the three teenage girls went into fits of laughter the more Eleanor and Leslie Ann compared their respective law enforcement relative stories.