CHAPTER 25: LOST LOVE FOUND

"The projects are all interlinked," Ikari said to Fuyutsuki as the two discussed the SEELE Council's increasing animosity towards him. "There are no problems." They were both on board an MH-53EJ helicopter en route back to NERV from Tokyo-2.

"Including Rei?" Ikari remained quiet on that one. Over the past few weeks Ikari had become increasingly concerned about Rei's viability to the project. Especially concerning her growing relationship with his son. He was confident that it hadn't breached any serious boundaries but it still made him nervous that the Third Child's personality could have a negative effect on Rei in regards to the scenario. "Well, I won't press you." As they came in sight of Tokyo-3 the older commander changed the subject. "So what do we do about 'you know who'?"

"Let him do as he wishes," Ikari snapped. "Same with the Marduk."

Meanwhile, in Kyoto, 'you know who', a.k.a. Kaji Ryoji, was following up on a lead involving the Marduk. Once again, it turned out to be a 'foreign chemical company' that was really an empty shell fulfilling the role of a front. And the 'board of directors' for the company were all familiar names. The top three being the most familiar: Ikari, Gendo; Fuyutsuki, Kouzou; Keel, Lorenz. "Something here is not adding up right," Kaji said.

"Your task is to investigate NERV," his contact reminded him as he fed some cats. "Getting involved with the Marduk may be an ill-advised step."

"I can't help it," Kaji shrugged. "I have a knack for sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong."

"Has your mysterious friend 'Ronin' come up with anything?"

"Not much," Kaji said. "But he's in a difficult position. It's tough for him to get information on a regular basis."

"Just what is his position?"

"Like I've told you before my friend," Kaji said. "Need to know."

"I'm concerned about this Ronin contact of yours. How can we be sure he's not a plant put there by NERV?"
"Maybe because I put him there?" Kaji replied. "Have you considered that? Don't even think about trying to go after him yourself. Same goes for your bosses. Remember our terms?"

"I remember them, and so do my superiors. But Ronin is outside of our knowledge and loop. I'm finding it difficult to explain and justify him to them. And his callsign, 'Ronin', a samurai with no master, isn't very reassuring either. They may want him removed from this matter just for security concerns; maybe even eliminated."

"I can tell you right now," Kaji said, almost growling. "That last option is the biggest mistake you could make in dealing with Ronin."

"How so?"

"Two reasons…A: he's really good at staying alive. And B: trying to have him 'liquidated' will just piss him off. Trust me; it'll be in your best interest not to go after him. Cause if you do, he will bring one hell of a shit storm down on you and there won't be anything I can do to stop him. You'd need an EVA or an Angel to protect you." And on that note, Kaji ended the conversation and left.

XXXXX

Once again, the pilots were performing a harmonics test. And once again, Shinji didn't cease to amaze. Despite the Unit-00 hiccup he was still catching up with Asuka in synch scores; much to the German girl's dismay. He'd been complaining of headaches recently but nothing serious. Light aspirin helped keep it in check. He just wished he knew why he was having such freaky dreams lately, too. Ritsuko theorized that it was just stress. Of all the pilots he's been in the most battles and has fought more angels single handedly than the others. It's only natural that his subconscious would start to behave erratically.

"Okay, you guys can exit now," Ritsuko announced the end of the test.

"It's about time," Asuka bitched as Shinji looked over at Rei's image. "These stupid experiments are really getting on my nerves."

"Shinji's looking subdued," Ritsuko said. "Normally he's not like that."

"Well he's still having weird dreams," Misato said. "And there's tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah…tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Shinji said as he and Rei rode the elevator back up to the surface. "Tomorrow I go to see my mother's grave."

"It's your first time going there," Rei said. "Is it not?"

"Yeah. But that's not all. My father will be there as well."

"You still have not found a common ground with you father?"

"Well he hasn't been very approachable about it," Shinji replied. "Say, Rei, I've seen you talking with him before and seemed almost happy. You have any suggestions? Like…what kind of person is he?"

"I don't know," Rei softly replied. "I enjoy my conversations with you."

"I enjoy them too." Shinji said rubbing his neck.

"Have you been watching me all day because you wanted to ask me that?"

"You noticed?" She nodded. "Actually, I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow. Misato's going to a wedding and Asuka's going out on a date. I'll be all by myself in the evening."

"I would…enjoy that very much," Rei said, blushing slightly.

Back at the apartment Asuka was in the living room with the TV turned to some program featuring some blonde haired dude in a hospital with an AK47 on his back and a half-dozen nurses singing 'Happy Birthday' in English to him. Cake and all. "Is Shinji in his room?" Misato asked after she got home that night.

"Ever since he got home," Asuka replied as she was watching the TV with Pen-Pen. "I don't think he wants to see his father tomorrow."

"It's not his father that's got him bothered," Misato said. "It's his mother. It's the first time he's ever visited her grave."

"Is that so?"

"Even though he doesn't remember her he still feels attached to her."

"Sounds lame to me."

Inside his room, Shinji was actually thinking about a different subject. He was actually thinking about the berserk incident with Unit-00. Unlike when Unit-01 went berserk during his first battle he remembered every bit of this incident. He clearly recalled the overwhelming feelings of hatred and desire for vengeance directed at Ritsuko and even Rei. But he lied about his memory of the incident.

There was definitely something about the EVAs, especially Units 00 and 01, that he wasn't being told. He could feel it. And whenever he asked Ritsuko about it he could tell she was evading. He had a feeling that the EVAs were connected to all the other things going on in NERV. And he wasn't thinking about the obvious one: combating the angels.

Then his thoughts turned to Rei. Why was his father so interested in her? What investment did he have in her? These thought eventually turned to the following night, when Rei would be over for dinner. He was wondering about what he was going to cook for Rei: vegetable soup or grilled Alaskan Salmon and salad? It crossed his mind that he was actually thinking of her more and more recently. In fact, it was the first time he's ever felt this way about a girl. Was he in love?

"Shinji," Misato called through the door. "I'm coming in." She slid the door open. "You feeling okay?"

"Fine," he replied.

"Dreams still bothering you?"

"Goes without saying," Shinji said. "And no I'm not going to start writing them out. It's for your benefit." Misato chuckled.

"You're worried about tomorrow, right?"

"Honestly," Shinji shrugged. "I could care less if he was there. I just…I just hope my mother would approve of me."

"You've done good things, Shinji. You still are," Misato replied. "I think she would. But you just keep your chin held high. For her sake if no other."

"You don't need to worry about me, Misato." Shinji said. He then rolled to his side and looked at her. "Say, you think I should bring Pen-Pen along?"

"Huh? What for?"

"Cause it would confuse the fuck out of my father?" Misato just groaned and walked off. "What?"

The next day, Shinji didn't bring Pen-Pen. But he still beat his father to the plot. He even brought flowers. It was the first time he had ever visited his mother's grave. Even though it was an empty casket funeral he still felt something serene about coming here. "I come here ever year, on this day," Gendo said. Shinji gave no reply. "It's my way of remaining faithful to her."

'And looking after your son wouldn't?' Shinji said to himself. "It's surreal," Shinji said. "But since I can't remember her I really don't feel like she's really gone."

"This grave is but a marker," Gendo continued. "It's merely a symbol. A testament that she had lived. No pictures of her have survived. I keep everything in my heart. I'm satisfied with that."

"I'm not. I'd much rather know what she looked like," Shinji replied. "So that I could keep something in my heart." At that moment a NERV VTOL arrived to take the commander back.

"My time is up," he announced. "I'm leaving now." Shinji nodded but didn't turn to bid him farewell. He just waited until it took off again.

"Mother," he said to the tombstone. "I swear, I'll find out what happened to you and why father is hiding it from me. I can never judge you on why you married him of all people. Whatever your reasons were, they led to me even being here. Though I may not remember you, you brought me into this world and took care of me for as long as you could. I could never repay you for that. I just…I hope that you're proud of me. And…won't look down on me for things that I've done. And…what I may or may not have become." He placed his hand on the marker. "I love you." And with that he left the cemetery.

XXXXX

When he returned to the apartment Shinji gutted the salmon. The salad was set off to the side to mix with the salmon later, after he grilled the fish. With some time to kill Shinji pulled out his harmonica and played Ode To Joy. When he was finished with that tune he played the first song he ever learned on the harmonica, Silent Night. As he finished he rolled straight into My Country 'Tis of Thee.

As he played his mind flashed back to the war. He carried this harmonica with him throughout the fighting. He rarely had a chance to play it for fear that the sound might attract Russian soldiers. But, whenever he could, especially in the immediate aftermath, playing it helped him to relax and recover.

When he finished he heard clapping from behind. He turned to see Asuka standing in the doorway in a green sundress. "That was pretty good, Shinji," she said in an approving tone that he wasn't used to hearing from her. "I didn't know you played."

"I actually played the Cello when I was in Middle School," Shinji said pocketing the instrument. "But it was a little too big for me to carry around. Plus, I just like the sound of a harmonica better."

"Well, I'm impressed. I have no musical talent, nor any desire to learn one." That's when she noticed the food. "What's all this for?"

"Oh, Rei's coming over for dinner."

"Making your girlfriend a meal to woo her with?" She teased.

"Blow me," Shinji snapped. "I get enough of that from Misato, thank you very much."

"Fine," Asuka said going into the living room and lying on the floor.

"Speaking of dinner," Shinji said. "I thought you were staying out for dinner, too. But, you're home early. Was your date more of drag than me?"

"And boring, too," Asuka replied. "So, as we were waiting in line for the roller coaster I ditched him and took the first train back here."

"Wow," Shinji said. "That's pretty fucking cold."

"Kaji's the only real man in my life," Asuka sighed and Shinji rolled his eyes.

"What's taking Misato so long?" Kaji asked as he and Ritsuko remained at the wedding reception. "How much make up can she wear?"

"So," Ritsuko said, changing the subject, "What were you doing in Kyoto?"

"Uh, I wasn't in Kyoto," Kaji replied coolly.

"Don't try to fool me, Kaji," Ritsuko teased. "You'll get your fingers burned. This is the advice of a friend. You get too involved in this and it could bite back."

"Maybe I like it when they bite," Kaji shot back.

"Well," Misato slurred as she came back. "Shouwd I buy you two some fiwerworks? You never change do you?"

"Of course I do," Kaji grinned. "The act of living in the result of change."

"Homeostasis and transistasis," Ritsuko said out of nowhere confusing the shit out of a half-drunk Misato.

"Homosexu-wha?" Said half-drunk operations director replied.

Rei rang the bell promptly at eight o'clock. The grilled salmon salad was already out and on the table. Asuka had eaten on her way back to the apartment so she just chilled out in the living room cycling through the channels but failing to find anything entertaining. "How did you learn to cook such food, Shinji?" Rei asked as he took another bite of the salad.

"It's just something that happened," Shinji replied. "One day I decided to try my hand at making scrambled eggs. It was kind of an epic failure on my part. But I didn't look back and it just snowballed from there I guess."

"I see," Rei replied.

"What about you Wondergirl?" Asuka asked. "Do you have any hobbies? Other than reading boring books?"

"I like to read poetry," Rei asked.

"That falls under the 'boring' category," Asuka replied.

"Beats watching random and crappy soaps all day," Shinji shot back.

"Excuse me?"

"How was your time with your father?" Rei asked next.

"It was alright," Shinji replied with a shrug. "As far as conversations between me and him go."

"Why didn't you tell him to piss off?" Asuka asked.

"Shinji has already done that once," Rei replied. "When he first came to NERV."

"I never heard about this." Shinji then filled her in on the lead up to the first angel battle. "Wait, you actually flipped off the Commander of NERV? What did he do?"

"He forced my hand, in a way," Shinji said. "He brought Rei out to pilot. She was in pretty bad shape from her accident with Unit-00 the week before. I had a choice: let her go out and die, or go out and die myself."

"You honestly thought it was going to be a suicide mission?" Asuka asked. Shinji only shrugged in response. Rei looked into his eyes and saw something in there. Something she couldn't explain but it made her feel warm inside knowing that Shinji was prepared to die for her.

"It's getting pretty late," Shinji said looking at the clock. "I wonder where Misato is. How long do weddings take?"

"I should go," Rei said standing up from the table.

Shinji walked her out the door and up the stairs to her new apartment. "I enjoyed dinner, Shinji," she said as they came to her floor.

"I'm glad," Shinji said. "I like having you over Rei. You're good company."

"Th-thank you," Rei said softly. They reached her door.

"Anytime," Shinji said. Rei turned and looked up into his eyes. There it was again, a connection there. Whenever their eyes would meet her heart beat would increase and she'd become agitated. "Goodnight, Rei."

"G-goodnight…Shinji," Rei said softly in reply. Her door opened and she stepped inside. But her eyes never left Shinji's. He continued to smile softly at her the whole way. She smiled back as the door slowly closed shut. "Goodnight, Shinji," she said once more when it was closed.

"Goodnight…Rei," Shinji said as he walked off.

XXXXX

As Shinji got back in the apartment the phone rang, Asuka was already in the shower. He picked it up and could tell that Misato was half-shit faced. "Hey, Shhinchi," she mumbled.

"Yesh, Mishato?" He replied sarcastically.

"Bite me, cawboyee," she shot back. "I'm going to be out drunking with Kachi."

"Sounds like you've been drunking enough alrahdyeee."

"Fuckh you. Chust, don't wait up for meee, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." They hung up.

"Was that Misato?" Asuka asked as she exited the bathroom in a baggy yellow t-shirt and blue cut off shorts.

"Yesh," Shinji replied, still in mock drunk voice. "She shaid nots to waits up fur hursh."

"What the hell are you doing?" Asuka asked.

"She's been swigging some alcohol," Shinji replied. "So she's planning to be out all night."

"You mean she won't be here 'till tomorrow morning?"

"I doubt it. Mr. Miami Vice, a.k.a. Kaji, is with her," Shinji said. "Shouldn't take her long to dart away from him."

"Oh, that guarantees she'll be out all night," Asuka replied.

"What have you got against Misato and Kaji, two grown adults, spending time together as old friends?"

"You're too dense to understand!" Asuka said stomping off.

"What is it called again? When a young person is hopelessly attracted to someone much older than herself?" Shinji said rubbing his chin. "Oh, that's it: disgusting."

"Drinking until you throw up," Kaji grumbled as he carried Misato back in the direction of her apartment. "How old are you?"

"Old enough to regret it," Misato said. "You know, when you complain like that, you sound like Shinji."

"Well I guess I'm old enough as well," Kaji said ignoring that last part.

"You're damn right," Misato chuckled. "Okay," she complained like a child. "Let me walk. My ass is falling asleep." So Kaji put her down and she walked alongside him. All the while spilling her guts to him about why she dumped him back in college. She said she panicked, after realizing that she wanted a man who was just like her father. Said she was afraid of becoming a woman.

"Choosing that path was your decision," Kaji said to reassure her. "You made the choice, no one else. You don't have to apologize to anyone! For anything!"

"Don't bullshit me, Kaji!" Misato snapped. "I just turned tail and ran like a whipped dog! I just wanted to escape from my father's shadow! Shinji's more of a grown up than I am!"

"What does this have to do with, Shinji?" Kaji asked.

"When he had to confront his demon, his father, he didn't run away, he charged. Same thing with battle after battle; war after war. Even after he keeps suffering under their attacks he picks himself up and keeps going forward." She placed her head in her hands and began to cry. "I like to say that I can do the same but I doubt I can face the pain and horrors he faces all the time. And he does it with such a cool demeanor." She looked up at Kaji. "Like you. Like even after I threw insult and insult at you, you didn't give up on me." She looked down again. "I'm just a child. A coward who has to get drunk in order to tell the man I love…"

"That's enough!" Kaji yelled.

"…how I feel. I have no right to be Shinji's guardian."

"Stop it, Misato!"

"I use you and I'm too pathetic to accept a helping hand from someone except when I'm so falling down…"

"Cut it out!"

"…drunk. Shinji would be just as well off without me. Asuka too! I'm a weakling! Pathetic and not worthy of…!" Kaji grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to his lips. At first Misato struggled but slowly, she received his kiss. She let her arms and shoulders relax. She let herself lean into him and let her shoes drop to the ground as she returned the kiss, placing her hands on his elbows.

After what seemed like an eternity the kiss was broken. "I don't care, Misato," Kaji said. "What you said may have been true. But that's not who you really are. Or who you want to be. And even if it is, it doesn't matter to me. Not one bit. Because I love you," he said brushing her hair out of her face. "I always have. And I never looked back."

"Kaji," Misato said placing her head on his shoulders. "Take me home?"

"We're almost there," he said as he led her off. They didn't care about her shoes.

"Hang on!" Kaji yelped as he struggled to keep Misato upright as they came through the door. "We're here."

"Well," Shinji said looking out into the hall. "Why am I not surprised to see her like this, Kaji?"

"What!?" Asuka shrieked form the living room.

'Ah, crap.'

"Hey!" She pushed past him. "Hello, Kaji!" She said cheerfully at her poor crush.

"Shinji," Kaji said as he half-carried, half-dragged Misato down the hall. "Can you…give me a hand?"

"No prob," Shinji said as he took her other side. Together they buddy carried her to her room. They took her jacket off but left her in her dress. Kaji gently laid her down on her belly, in case she threw up while she was sleeping.

"Kaji," Misato mumbled softly.

"I'm here," he said quietly.

"Thank you," she said half-asleep. "For always being there. Even…even when I..."

"Don't even mention it," he said with a gentle smile. "You never have to thank me for that." And with that she fell asleep. Kaji stood up and left her room, slowly closing the door.

"She alright?" Shinji asked.

"She'll have a wicked hangover in the morning," Kaji said. "But she'll be fine. Just make sure she gets plenty of water in aspirin for breakfast."

"Aspirin omelet for breakfast," Shinji nodded. "Can do." And with that, despite Asuka's desperate attempts to get him to stay the night, Kaji left.