CHAPTER 29: LOST TO HIMSELF
"Wait," Misato said speaking up. "You're saying that the shadow is actually the angel's body?" It only made sense in hindsight. The AT Field and Blue wave pattern from came directly beneath Shinji along with the shadow.
"That's correct," Ritsuko nodded. "It's approximately 680 meters in diameter and has an estimated thickness of only three nanometers."
"How could Unit-01 be sucked into something so absurdly thin?" Makoto asked next.
"Suspended within that space is an inverted AT Field. And inside that field is a void that can only be described through abstract mathematics. The only possible thing to call it is a 'Dirac Sea'. For all we know it may be another universe or an ethereal dimension." But that still left one big question: what were they seeing above the city.
"What about the sphere?" Misato asked raising her hand.
"It disappears only when the imaginary circuit of the body, what we've been calling the shadow, closes. This can only imply that the object in the sky is actually a kind of shadow."
"Then that means," Misato said as everyone turned to look back at the city. "The black shadow that swallowed Unit-01 and Shinji is the real target."
"Good luck to us trying to fight it," Asuka mumbled. Rei remained silent. She was hoping the brief could give her some feeling of reassurance that Shinji would be alright. So far, she received nothing of the sort.
Deep down in the ethereal void Shinji was now calling the 'People's Republic of Purgatory' Shinji was drifting in and out of half sleep and awake for the past few hours. When he awoke this time he found that the LCL was developing a copper and iron like taste and that the plug was taking on a tea-like coloration. It took his weakened mental state a minute to finally realize what that meant. "The purification system is breaking down." He felt his heart beat quicken. "Only about four more hours on the backup system and personal filter on the suit." He felt his hands quiver. "Stay cool Ikari," he closed his eyes and tried to block out the overwhelming blood-like taste of the LCL. But try as he might the taste only seemed to get worse. And the plug began to feel much smaller. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! SHIT! SON OF A BITCH!" He launched at the hatch above his head. "Get me out of here! I fucking hate this place!" He pulled at the latch but it wouldn't move. "God damnit! Open up! Let me the fuck out of here! Someone open this thing up! Get me out of this fucking thing!" He then began to pound on the hatch with his bare knuckles until the skin of the suit began to tear and his bloody knuckles broke through. "Misato! Kaji! Asuka! Rei! Ritsuko! Chief! Ski! El-tee!...FATHER! Someone…help me!"
Misato couldn't believe what she was hearing. Ritsuko's plan was absolutely nuts. "You're going to do what!? You're going to blow the shadow up!?"
"I'm afraid it's the only option that might work," Ritsuko firmly replied. "We'll have to drop all remaining 900 N2 bombs in the East Asia Arsenal into the shadow while simultaneously generating the AT Fields of the other two Evangelions. This is the only way to disrupt the hypothetical circuit that encloses the angel's interior."
"Emphasis on 'hypothetical'," Misato snapped.
"I told you, Misato. My calculations indicate that this is the only practical method of ensuring the angel's destruction. If we can concentrate enough explosive power into the same micro-second we could destroy the angel along with the Dirac Sea that comprises its body and force Unit-01 from the same."
"But…the damage to the EVA would be horrific…and Shinji…there's no way Shinji would…What kind of fucking rescue operation is this!? Have you lost your mind!?"
"Our priority is to recover the EVA," Ritsuko replied. "Not the pilot."
"Wait a second…!" Misato yelled.
"Under these circumstances the life of the Third Child is considered expendable." That was all Misato could take and she lashed out with a vengeance. Her slap knocked the glasses from Ritsuko's face. When they landed on the ground one of the lenses broke free of the frame.
"It's your responsibility if Shinji's lost, Misato!" Ritsuko fired back angrily. "Have you forgotten that!?"
"You may be right but it's your plan so if he dies his death will be on your hands." Misato growled. "And what's so fucking special about Unit-01 that makes its pilot's life 'expendable'?" She then grabbed her by her coat collar. "Why the hell are you and the Commander so worried about getting it BACK!?"
"You have all the information, Colonel!"
"Bull shit!" Misato barked. "You're lying." Ritsuko shoved her off and the two glared at each other.
"Misato…" Ritsuko said. "Just trust me."
"I'm finding it hard to trust anything you say these days."
"You're too emotionally compromised. I'm taking command of this operation effective immediately. If you don't like it, you can take it up with Commander Ikari." She then picked up her broken glasses and marched off.
'Unit-01…Second Impact…Instrumentality…Adam…what other secrets am I in the dark about?' Misato asked herself as she let her anger boil. "GRAR!" She took it out on a trash can and spilled its contents on the ground with a roundhouse kick that would've made Chuck Norris proud.
XXXXX
When Shinji woke up he didn't find himself in the entry plug. Instead, he found himself sitting on a bench in what looked like the locker room at NERV. He also wasn't in his plug suit. Instead, he was wearing brown BDUs, black tactical vest, combat boots, knee and elbow pads. On the bench next to him was a black Kevlar helmet. It was an ensemble he was familiar with but he didn't know why he'd be wearing it here. He looked up in front of him and saw his locker, 'S. Ikari - Unit-01'. He opened it up to find his plugsuit hanging in there, free of LCL. "Hello?" He called out. His voice echoed in the room. "Anyone there!?" Another echo.
He closed his locker and walked down to the end of the row. He looked down the aisle and saw nothing but an endless collection of lockers. Looking behind him he saw the same thing. Lockers as far as he could see. "HELLO!?" He cried out. He heard the echo and realized that it wasn't really an echo. More like someone was repeating what he said. And it was coming from a certain area. He followed the sound, calling out as he went. "Who's there!?"
"Who's there!?"
"Where are you!?"
"Where are you!?"
"I can't find you!"
"I can't find you!"
"Speedy Gonzales!"
"Speedy Gonzales!"
"Ho! Ho!"
"Ho! Ho!" Finally he came to the source he looked down the row of lockers and saw a boy sitting on one of the benches. He walked down until he was right across from him. The boy was wearing a grey and white striped t-shirt and black cargo shorts. He was looking at Shinji with black, expressionless eyes that seemed to be nothing but pupils. He had short dark grey hair. He looked like what a kid would look from an old black and white movie. No color definition at all.
"Who are you?" Shinji asked.
"Who are you?" The child asked.
"I asked you first."
"I asked you first."
"This isn't funny."
"This isn't funny."
"Look, you little punk," Shinji growled getting angry. "If you aren't going to respond to me, I'm taking off."
"Look, you little punk. If you aren't going to respond to me, I'm taking off."
"Fine then," Shinji threw his arms up. "I'm gone!"
"Fine then. I'm gone!" Shinji walked back in the direction he came. After passing three or four rows he stopped. He looked down one and looked back down another. The kid was there. He was in every row he came to. Shinji chose an aisle and marched back in front of him.
"Who the fuck are you!?"
"Who the fuck are you!?"
"I'm Shinji Ikari!"
"I'm Shinji Ikari!"
"No, you're not you little shit!"
"But, I am you," the child responded differently this time causing Shinji to do a double take. "The self always incorporates another self."
"What?"
"Yes. The self which is observed, and the self that observes itself. To expound, there is the Shinji Ikari that exists in your mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Misato Katsuragi's mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Rei Ayanami's mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Asuka Soryu's mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Ritsuko Akagi's mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Gendo Ikari's mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Chief Jones' mind; the Shinji Ikari that exists in Lieutenant Feliciano's mind…"
"Cut to the fucking chase, kid!" Shinji snapped, getting irritated with the philosophical/psycho-babble.
"All are different Shinji Ikari's but each of them is a true Shinji Ikari. What you fear is the Shinji Ikari's that exist in the minds of others."
"What makes you think I'm afraid of that?" Shinji asked, folding his arms.
"Because I can see it in your memories. You're afraid of what they see in you." At that a memory flashed in his mind. He darted between a pair of shipping containers. A pair of paratroopers appeared at the end. Shinji brought his rifle to bear as the Russians did so too. But Shinji was the faster shot and both Russians dropped as bullets tore into their bodies, splattering blood against another container behind them.
"That's not what they see."
"Not the memories, yes. But you're still afraid that they see you in that way."
"And what way is that?"
"That of a bloodthirsty monster."
"What did you call me?" Shinji growled back. Another memory was flashed. This time it was a memory of him and the SEALs firing into an advancing platoon of paratroopers from inside a restaurant. As the Russians pulled back and took shelter in a gas station Shinji picked up a discarded RPG and fired the rocket into the pump stations. The resulting explosion caused the whole station to go up in a fireball.
"Hooyah, motherfuckers!" Killian shouted triumphantly.
"Russian barbeque!" Ski cheered as he reloaded his EBR. "Nice shot, kid."
"Who are you calling a monster? I didn't do all that for my own amusement. That was war! I'm not that kind of person!"
"But our father is. The father who abandoned us. Like father like-"
"I'm not my father!" Shinji snapped in the kid's face.
"But you wish he had taken care of you so that you would not be burdened with that which you now carry on your soul."
"You're not me!" Shinji snapped. "You don't know me!"
"I am you."
"No you're not! You're the monster here!"
"Then so are you." Another memory flashed, this time showing him his first battle in an Evangelion. Unit-01 charged the angel in a berserk rage. After being halted by an AT Field, it regenerated its broken arm and forced its way through. After deflecting an energy blast it broke the angel's arms and kicked it into a building before tackling it through said building. It then ripped off one of its ribs and used it to pound the angel's core. The battered angel responded by molding itself to the EVA and self-destructing. Afterwards, Unit-01 marched forth from the fires like a demonic prize fighter.
"Wha…was that…really what happened?" Shinji stammered as he felt the memory flow back into his brain. "I…I couldn't have done that."
"My little sister was injured in that fight of yours…" Toji said to him in the schoolyard.
"That was an accident!" Shinji snapped. "I am not a monster!"
"Even the part of you that was absorbed during an attack?"He was then shown when part of the Twelfth Angel fused with him at the back of his head. He scratched at the back of his head in the plug as a faint glowing dot faded into the base of his skull. He had thought it was just an itch.
"What…? Is that…? That's what's causing the headaches…But…that-that still doesn't make me a monster!"
"You're nothing but a goddamn cowboy looking for an adrenaline fix!" Asuka's voice filled his head.
"You crazy, fucking, cowboy!" Misato's voice followed next.
"I just learned that the rescue crews have started calling you 'Onikari'."
"You little fuck," Toji's came after.
"Pervese mensch!" Asuka's voice echoed over and over.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Shinji snapped at the kid as he turned away, leaning his head against the lockers.
"You see? You're making yourself blind to that which you wish to avoid. And you counter those things with arrogant, sometimes hostile sarcasm. You may not be running away, but you're hiding from the reality that they may all think you're nothing but a monster on the inside."
"I'm not a monster! Get away from me you fucking little urchin!" Shinji stormed off, trying to get away. But the kid was still there, in every aisle. The voice followed until it reverberated from every direction.
"No one can defend their character by countering the attacks of others with attacks of their own. In particular…I cannot…I cannot…I cannot…"
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Shinji tried to turn the other direction. But, no matter where he went, the voice followed.
"I cannot… I cannot… I cannot…"
"I am not a monster! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Shinji screamed as he sank down at the end of a row of lockers. He didn't notice the black and white kid materialize out of thin air right in front of him.
XXXXX
Rei was back in her EVA. She and Soryu had just received their briefing. She couldn't believe that they were going through with this. Were they really going to sacrifice Shinji? And why was she going along with it? She was ordered to, yes. But…it didn't feel right. Was she to follow her orders so blindly? Should she just sit back and let Shinji die? But what could she do to help him? Nothing.
"Hmm?" Maya noticed something in Unit-00. "Dr. Akagi," she called her boss over.
"What is it, Maya?" Said doctor walked over to her station.
"It's Rei's synch ratio," she pointed at the screen. "It's dropped thirteen points."
"It dropped?" Ritsuko was confused. "Why did it drop?"
"Are you that dense, Ritsuko?" Misato snapped. "She's being asked to go through with a plan that may end with her watching her best friend die right in front of her! How would you feel?"
"There's no guarantee that Shinji will die as a result of this operation," Ritsuko shot back.
"But there's no guarantee that he will survive either." Misato said. "And you said it yourself: 'The life of the Third Child is considered expendable'. That's pretty cold shit, Doctor Akagi!"
"You think I want Shinji dead!?" Ritsuko snapped. "You think I want to sacrifice one of the few individuals who can pilot an EVA? You think I want to throw something that valuable away?"
"And what makes Shinji valuable to you? Huh?" Misato stepped forward. "You only care if he can pilot or not. Otherwise you wouldn't give two shits-!"
"You're not helping here, Colonel!" Ritsuko turned around. "Continue with the operation!"
"FATHER!" Little Shinji cried out to his father as he walked away.
"Get out of my memories!" Teen Shinji snapped at the kid who he now realized was a reflection of what he looked like at that age. "You're not me! You're the angel! You're the fucking angel that sucked me in!"
"It does not change what you fear in the minds of others. You're still hiding from it."Images of news flashes, and newspapers flew into his mind. 'Russian Armed Forces invade East Coast!' – USA Today; "US Marines and Navy SEALs continue to battle Russian troops in Norfolk, Virginia…" – CNN; 'Atrocity in Baltimore.' – Washington Post; "…reports are sketchy but it appears that over two hundred civilians were herded into a high school gymnasium by Russian soldiers moments before it was set on fire…" – ABC; 'Fight or Die: Resistance on the Coast' – Indianapolis Star; 'US Capitol A Warzone.' – LA Times; "…initial reports indicate that the EMP was caused by a high atmospheric detonation of a nuclear weapon…" – NBC; 'Philadelphia: The American Stalingrad.' – Miami Herald; ''Russian forces hurt worse than us by EMP' Retired General says.' – San Antonio Express; "…a Stryker brigade from the Pennsylvania Army National Guard, reinforced by Army Rangers and Navy SEALs are engaged in fierce combat in Philadelphia…" – Sky News; 'Report: 'Wolverine' Resistance Groups crucial in Battle of Philadelphia.' – Chicago Tribune; "The final death toll for this invasion is still unknown but estimated to be well into the tens, perhaps hundreds, of thousands…" – Fox News.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Shinji yelled at the angel's manifestation. "You stay away from me!" He shot to his feet and tried to walk away. But no matter where he turned he always came back to the same spot. He was trapped in a never ending maze.
"Kill. Kill them. Kill them all…" Unit-00 was pounding on the glass.
"No! That wasn't me!" Shinji shouted trying the fight the images and words out of his head.
"Kill Akagi. Kill Katsuragi."
"SHUT UP!" He flailed his arms in a vain attempt to bat the images away.
"Kill…Kill Ayanami. Kill!"
"I told you that wasn't me! That was Unit-00! I WOULD NEVER HURT REI!" He tried to focus on happier memories, fight back with fire of his own.
"That was very noble of you," Misato had said to him the first night in her apartment.
"I just finished reading the report. Good work, Shinji," his father said after the Eleventh Angel was destroyed.
"Luck or not, it's part of your destiny!" Kaji had said to him on the UN super carrier.
"Kill." It wasn't working well. The memories would not stop.
"It's your talent!" A memory showed Shinji as he lit up a squad of soldiers with a Russian heavy machinegun mounted on a Jeep CJ7 that had been converted into a technical with 'hillbilly' armor plating. It turned a compliment into an attack. He had a stern face with clenched teeth and fire in his eyes.
"Shinji looks like he belongs up there." The memories would not stop.
"Kill them."
"You got some slick moves," Toji had told him after they made a truce. Shinji fired a burst blind over a jewelry counter. As he reloaded a Russian appeared at his side. Shinji kicked out the Russian's knees and kicked him across the face as a second hopped the counter. Shinji drew out his buck knife and slashed the back of the second soldier's legs and the soldier howled in pain and collapsed. Shinji immediately rolled over and slashed across the Russian's throat.
"Kill."
"Leave me alone," Shinji said sinking down to the floor, feeling incredibly weak. The memories would not stop.
"Kill them all." Shinji and an Army Ranger fired through windows into an office occupied by Spetznaz commandoes.
"If you don't confront your own sins,"the angel told him, "you will never be able to build a new life. Or regain that which you've lost."
"Kill them all." Shinji tossed a thermite grenade into a garage that had been converted into a sandbag lined pillbox. The resulting explosion sent a ball of fire out the front like dragon's breath. The memories would not stop.
"Please," Shinji whimpered, covering his head with his hands. "Just…leave me alone…"
The memories would not stop.
XXXXX
The computer terminal beeped in front of Makoto. He looked at it with a solemn face. He looked over his shoulder at his boss, Misato, and noticed her glum look. He then turned back to his station. "The energy reserves for the entry plug should be just about reaching their expiration point," he announced.
"The plug suit's life support system will be getting closer to red line," Maya added. 'It's not fair.'
"Not much time left." Makoto's normally upbeat personality was now in the dumps. Shinji had done so much, fought so hard. It wasn't right. "The LCL in the plug is likely to be very contaminated by now. The plug suit can't handle the load for more than ten minutes." Makoto looked back over at Misato apologetically. "I'm very sorry, Colonel." She just nodded to him. Silently thanking him for his concern.
"Let's advance the operation by twelve minutes," Ritsuko announced. "While there's still a chance that Shinji is still alive."
"It's getting cold," Shinji said as he curled into a ball. He didn't even have enough energy to care anymore. A red light on his timer began flashing. "I hate this fucking place." He kept whimpering. "The suit is starting to give out. I can…I can feel it…" He started shaking. He felt his muscles weaken and his heart slowing down. "I hate this…this is…not how I…wanted to…go…I hate…being alone…tired…tired of…being alone…" He felt his eye lids become like sacks of concrete so he closed his eyes. "…I'm so cold…so hungry…" Tears began flowing from his eyes and he started to sniffle. "Don't…" Sniff. "Don't want to…be alone anymore…please." Sniff. Sniff. "…help me…someone… help me… so alone…" Sniff. His head hurt like hell. "No family…it's too quiet…so tired…tired of…of being alone…of fighting…of…everything…I'm just." Sniff. "…tired of it all…"
His will finally broke and he resigned himself to his fate. But that didn't stop the tears or sniffling. His heart kept slowing. His breathing slowed, too; becoming little more than quick inhales of putrid LCL from the sniffling. He was crying…like a helpless child. He was so cold and hungry, miserable and alone.
And then suddenly, something very warm touched his cheek. He felt warm as renewed energy filled his entire body and his headache disappeared completely. It felt like the first time he piloted the EVA and blacked out. He opened his eyes to see a glowing feminine form embracing him. As he felt the warm ethereal being holding gently holding him his breathing became calm and he felt a connection to the being that could only come from one person. "M-mother…?" Shinji felt like he was with his mother again. He couldn't explain it but…it felt like…his mother.
"Don't give up," he heard a soft whisper in his head as he was enveloped in a bright light. "Don't leave her."
"Her?" His mind was then filled with the image of Rei after Operation: Yashima. She was smiling at him. He then saw her accepting the book he got her. Rei sitting on a bench reading said book. Her smile as he served her dinner. "Rei?" He whimpered her name.
"Shinji," he heard Rei's voice. She sounded sad. "Don't leave me."
"Rei…"
"Is this enough?" The voice of his 'mother' asked him.
"We're friends, Rei, battle buddies," Shinji had said to her that night on Mount Futago. "I'm your friend. Friends are always there for each other. No matter what…No matter what…No matter what…No matter what…"
"Don't leave me…Don't leave me…Don't leave me…" Her voice echoed over and over, overlapping with his. Shinji then became stoic. Was he really going to be so selfish to give up on his life and leave his friend, his battle buddy, Rei, the girl he liked so much, to mourn him?
"I won't…" He whimpered, almost growling at the same time. "I won't…I won't leave her. I won't- no, I can't quit…I won't leave her. No matter what."
"Well," 'Mother' said to him softly. "That's good for you."
The light faded and he was back in the plug. His face was rock solid. "I won't…" he growled as tears kept flowing. "I won't leave Rei! REI!" He shouted up at the top of his lungs looking up at the ceiling of his plug. "I WON'T LEAVE YOU, REI! I SWEAR I WON'T LEAVE YOU!" He felt a fire burning in his gut and behind his eyes. "REEEEIIIII!" And then everything went black.
XXXXX
"Both EVAs are in position and standing by," the UN Field Commander announced.
"AT Fields are ready to generate," Maya added.
"Roger," Ritsuko confirmed.
"T-Minus sixty seconds to drop," the field commander announced as the sky filled with aircraft. Bombers, fighters, attack planes, everything capable of carrying an N2 bomb was in the air, lacing the sky with their contrails. Not since the latter days of World War II had so many combat aircraft filled the skies over Japan. And even then there weren't this many in one place at once. Just the sheer sight of so many warplanes, and the thought of the firepower they packed, was awe inspiring. But, they wouldn't get the chance to display their power today.
Without warning the ground heaved forcing the two EVAs to brace themselves to keep from falling over. Simultaneously a massive fissure appeared in the black shadow before them. It was joined by another and another. "What the hell is going on!?" Asuka cried out over the channel. The whole ground was shaking and flexing with the massive quake.
"Abort the drop!" Misato ordered. Ritsuko repeated the order. "What's going on!?"
"WE DON'T KNOW!" Makoto cried out in panic at what he was seeing on his screen.
"ALL OUR METERS AND GAUGES ARE GOING OFF THE SCALE!" Maya reaffirmed that. The graphs on her screen were going ballistic. The console between her and Makoto sparked, sizzled and smoked as its circuits overloaded.
"But we haven't done anything yet!" Ritsuko cried out in confusion.
"You think it could be Shinji?" Misato asked.
"It's impossible!" Ritsuko snapped. "Unit-01's power level must be at ZERO!" As the rumbling in the ground suddenly stopped everyone's eyes turned to the sphere above the city. It was now thrashing in violent spasms as the ground had a second ago.
All those in sight watched as the black and white sphere solidified into a solid black mass. They watched as the spasms slowed and, for a brief second, it stopped all movement. Then, there was a bulge in the side. And suddenly, the bulge popped like a zit and began squirting red blood like a hose pinched off at the nozzle as a low growl shattered the eerie silence. Everyone gasped at what caused the rupture: a massive, bloody hand. It was soon joined by another and slowly the rupture spread into a vertical tear as the arms pried it aside. The torrents of blood from the wound only increased leading one to wonder just how much blood was in there.
As the tear increased in spread a figure appeared in the middle of the sphere. Placing its left foot on the inside of the gash, Unit-01 emerged and pushed it open even further, growling like a savage wolf. More tears ripped across the sphere and more blood was pouring out of them like knocked over fire hydrants. As it continued to force the opening Unit-01 howled into the sky with an ear piercing, terrifying howl as geysers of blood bathed it in a frightening shade of red. "RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Mein Gott," Asuka muttered as she stared wide eyed at the sight. "Is that…what I'm…piloting…?"
"EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR !" Unit-01 continued its barbaric war cry that ripped across the city like a sonic tidal wave.
"God in heaven," Ritsuko muttered in sheer terror. "What kind of monster have we made this from?" Off to the side Misato, after quickly composing herself from the sight, overheard her.
'I know the EVAs are more than just copies of the First Angel,' Misato said to herself as Unit-01 continued its howl of rage. 'But what is NERV going to do with them? What is NERV going to do with the EVAs once all the angels have been destroyed?' She was brought back to the scene before them when a loud pop assailed their ears.
Unit-01, in a massive burst of sheer muscle and its AT Field shattered the broken sphere. Blood flew out over the entire 600-plus meter area to blanket it with blood. The EVA itself slammed feet first onto the solidified ground sending chucks of earth into the air as blood continued to come down in a demonic rain. After nearly a full minute the blood rain stopped and Evangelion Unit-01, stained in blood and looking like a demon that had crawled out of Hell itself, stood alone in the middle its eyes glowing white like intense fire. After not moving for ten seconds, it sank to its knees and fell forward onto the ground.
XXXXX
Shinji heard water dripping. He also felt fresh air filling his lungs. His eyes were heavy and his body drained. "Shinji…" he heard a voice. "Shinji…" It sounded familiar. "Shinji!" It was Misato's voice. Bright light assaulted his eyes but he didn't squint them. Too tired to even move his eyelids. Misato seemed to materialize from the light itself. "Shinji! Are you alright?" She shook his shoulders as tears ran down her cheeks. Shinji said nothing.
He felt too weak to say anything. But his soft, even breathing told Misato that he was still alive. She then promptly fell onto him, holding him warmly and crying her eyes out. His arms fell to his side, too weak to hold them up. "I'm a cowboy…" he spoke weakly, forcing his lungs to comply, "on a steel horse I ride…I'm wanted…dead or alive…" He looked out the hatch and saw a worried Rei climbing in as well. 'Rei…' And with that he fell into a deep, exhaustion and hunger induced, sleep.