"You're...what's...how..." Buffy babbled and stuttered, wildly gesturing with her hands.

"Later, pet. Right now I need help with Peaches here." Spike shuffled awkwardly under Angel's weight.

Buffy cursed her delayed reaction, she could be a young girl later right now she needed the Slayer. "Right. Of course."

The portal hissed and crackled before zipping itself back up, Spike muttered a thank you to Illyria and followed Buffy up the stairs. She led Spike through the castle to the medical room. There was only one bed in there with crisp, clean white sheets on top. At this time of night it was devoid of people, the only company they had was the harsh blue lighting and the shelves of medical supplies. Spike gently laid Angel down on the bed.

"Where's he hurt?" Buffy demanded rifling through bandages and ointments.

"Definitely his head. Maybe elsewhere too."

"How long has he been out?" Buffy set to work with disinfectant wipes and bandages.

"About 12 hours I should say, maybe longer."

"Can you get some blood for him from the kitchen?" Buffy asked as she finished wiping away the blood and began wrapping up his head.

"I don't think that's the best idea right now."

"And why not?" Buffy questioned angrily.

"He's human."

She froze, her hands hovering aimlessly over Angel's motionless body. Her eyes darted up to Spike's and she turned to face him.

"What did you just say?"

"He's human." Spike repeated irritatedly.

"You wanna give me the how, or should I just keep gawping for your amusement?" Buffy snapped.

"There was a prophecy, a vampire with a soul would play a huge part in the apocalypse or some kind of bollocks." Spike shrugged. "It'd turn him human or something..."

"But you're a vampire with a soul too." Buffy pointed out.

"Yeah but I'm not the hero." Spike reminded her.

Buffy's demeanour instantly softened. "That's not true."

Spike shook her off and instead said. "Can you help me out now?"

"You could've said something, I'm a slayer not a mind reader." Buffy said jokingly and gestured for him to show her his injuries.

Spike winced as he took off his duster and t-shirt revealing his two stab wounds. They were both incredibly deep and as soon as his eyes drunk in the extent of the wounds they ached intensely. Most of the blood was dry, only a light trickle was seeping from the wounds, but it was painful as hell. He felt the adrenaline drain from his body and pain re-fill it.

"Lucky you're still a vampire." Buffy remarked, cleaning his wounds. "Or you'd be deader than...well than you already are I guess."

Spike rolled his eyes at her as he attempted to focus on anything but the pain as she dressed his wounds. Buffy gave him a gentle pat on the stomach to signify she was done and he carefully straightened up.

"Should we wake him up or something?" Spike asked, waving his hand in Angel's direction.

"I don't think so. I mean for all we know it's a side effect of the spell right?" Buffy guessed.

"So what should we do?"

"Let's just let him sleep it off and we can get Willow to perform a little magical whammy in the morning."

"What's the time now?" Spike realised he had no clue what day it even was either.

"1am." Buffy replied eyeing the clock on the wall.

"And what day is it?" Spike shyly asked.

"Wednesday."

"Okay, makes sense."

"So you're not like..concussed or anything right? No amnesia? Vomiting? Death?"

Spike laughed. "No, pet, I'm fine."

"Good. Then you and me are gonna have a little talk."

0000000000000000000000000000000

Spike and Buffy were sat awkwardly at the kitchen table, Spike shuffling his feet every few minutes and Buffy slowly sipping her hot chocolate. He'd already drained four glasses of pig's blood from nerves and was furiously tapping his fingers for something to do with his hands.

"So, you didn't die." Buffy pointed out, lamely, wow the tiredness must really be getting to her.

"Well no I did, I just sorta...came back." Spike replied.

"Why didn't you come find me?"

"I'm finding you now."

"That's not good enough!" Buffy leapt to her feet, knocking the mug of hot chocolate over.

The scalding liquid splashed across the table and Spike jumped up too, wiping his hand on his jacket. "Bloody hell, woman!"

"Shut up! You don't have the right to 'bloody hell' me!" Buffy yelled. "How long have you been back?"

"About 9 months." Spike admitted.

"And you couldn't have called? Texted? Freakin' emailed? What the hell, Spike?" Buffy started flapping, hitting him wildly with her open palms.

"Buffy...Buffy..." Spike was twisting trying to grab her hands. "Buffy."

He clasped her wrists tightly, and she stopped hitting him. "Sorry, I lost my cool for a sec, I'm okay."

Buffy shrugged him off and stepped back. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I just...I didn't want you to..." Spike babbled, unsure of what to say.

"I mourned you."

Spike felt his heart drop out of his chest. "What?" He croaked.

"I thought about you every single day. I still have nightmares, Dawn comes in sometimes and wakes me up 'cause I'm screaming so loudly. Sometimes she doesn't hear me though." Buffy's eyes dropped to the floor, Spike took a step towards her, but she took a step back.

"Buffy..." Spike began.

"I told you I loved you. And you didn't believe me. I thought you died not believing me." Buffy felt broken now, spilling all of the thoughts that had clouded her mind over the last few months. Things she hadn't let herself speak out loud. "Your death. It actually hurt, I could feel it, in my bones." Tears filled her eyes as she clutched her chest.

"I'm sorry." Spike whispered.

"Yeah." Buffy said tonelessly. "Wait, where did you go? You didn't-you weren't-Wait-what..." Buffy panicked then, wiping the tears away swiftly.

"I wasn't in heaven, pet. Or wherever you were." Spike assured her.

"You weren't.." Buffy's hand flew to her mouth.

"No, I wasn't in hell either." Spike hurried to explain. "I wasn't really anywhere. Guess the PTB didn't know what to do with me, huh? Guess I just balanced the scales. Too good to be bad, too bad to be good." Spike laughed emptily.

"That's not fair." Buffy said quietly.

"Maybe I wasn't dead long enough, I don't know." Spike shrugged. "One minute I'm burning up in the Hellmouth, all heroic like. Next minute I'm standing in Captain Forehead's office being gawked at like a sodding tourist attraction."

"Don't even get me started on the fact that none of them told me either! I swear to God when Angel wakes up he's gonna have the ass kicking of a lifetime, I don't care if he's human."

"Much as I hate to admit it, it's not his fault. It's mine."

"Why didn't you come and find me, Spike?" Buffy asked again, sternly.

"I didn't want you to...think less of me."

"What?" Buffy felt an ache in her chest for the sadness in his voice.

"I was a hero. Saved the world. And even got the girl. Then all of a sudden, I'm back, playing Casper at Wolfram and Hart. Not a hero at all."

Buffy stepped towards him, placing a hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes to her face. "You're still a hero, Spike. You always have been, to me."

"Really?" Buffy smiled gently at him in reply.

"I'm so sorry, pet."

And with those words she was done, done being strong, done throwing herself into work, done with it all. Tears gushed from her eyes, soaking her cheeks instantly. Buffy choked out fat sobs, and didn't protest when Spike's arms snaked around her waist. He pulled her into him and she rested her head against his chest, her hands tightly clutching his back. Spike shushed her, stroking her hair gently with one hand.

Buffy's knees gave way then and she slumped to the floor. Spike travelled down with her, cradling her against him, his whole body wrapped around her as she released the emotion she'd been holding in for far too long.