Edward coughed into his fist awkwardly. He wasn't good at this kind of stuff, ironic seeing as he'd been the mediator between his friends for most of his youth. Maybe he was out of practice.

(He was definitely out of friends, at least.)

Matthew sat on the other end of the sofa, body angled towards him. He seemed to be avoiding eye-contact just as much as Edward was so at least that worked out for them. Edward sighed heavily and took a deep breath-

"I'm sorry."

Edward blinked, processing the words, and stared at Matthew in bewilderment. "What?"

Matthew has staring down at his lap, refusing to look up, "I... I'm sorry."

"Wha- no, wait. I'm the one who's supposed to be apologizing here, don't you-." Edward insisted frantically.

"No." Matthew rebuffed him, finally looking him in the eyes, and his one blue eye reflected an unbending will before he looked back down. "I guess, looking back... you were right. There was a literal hole in my chest, only the Red Army could have saved me by that point. I put all the blame on you because I felt so betrayed-" his voice broke and he took a tremulous breath, "I thought you'd left me to save your own skin, but I never even considered that you may not even have had a choice. So... I'm sorry that I blamed you without even asking why, I'm sorry that I left and that I turned on you, I'm... sorry about us..."

Edward stared at him in shock, mouth slightly agape, and then frowned in thought.

"I... guess we both made mistakes. Some worse than others." he began slowly, as if tasting the words in his mouth for the first time. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry too. About that day and...your eye."

Matthew lifted a hand to touch the cybernetic eye, but aborted the motion, lowering it awkwardly. "Yeah..."

"And about us... that's not really a thing anymore, is it?"

Matthew snorted but then his face turned contemplative, "I... did love you, back then. We were in love. But it's been so long, we've changed... so much. And I think we've hurt each other too much and too often by now, for any good to come out of it."

There was a moment of solemn silence that Edward broke with a deadpan, "Are you breaking up with me?"

That startled a short laugh out of Matthew, "Yeah, sure. Consider yourself officially available. Now you can go chase after your nice, young Eduardo to your heart's content." he declared with a smirk.

Edward choked on air, "M-Matt! I'm not-!"

"The window to Matt's room was open all day yesterday."

Edward blinked at the sudden statement before he remembered that Matt's window looked out into the backyard. He groaned, burying his face into his hands. "I was just trying to mess with him."

Matthew had a smug little smirk on his face and Edward suddenly felt the irresistible urge to punch him. "Sure you were, Edd."

Edward sighed, "It's just... he's so young. They all are, it makes me feel..."

"...alien?"

"Yeah, I guess... it's so strange...

Matthew chuckled. "Tell me about it..." he muttered, looking of on the direction of the hallway and the rooms beyond the corner.

Edward gave him a strange look but didn't dig into it. "...and you too." he said, and continued at the perplexed look on the ginger's face, "This whole... thing. After all these years, living together again... not hating each other's guts..."

"I mean, Thomas probably..."

Edward snorted, "Never mind him, at the rate he's going he's more likely to kill himself from stress than deal with his emotional issues."

Matthew gave him a shrewd look, "I would've said the same of you just yesterday."

Edward looked away, trying to hide his the slight flush of embarrassment on his cheeks. At least his beard helped with that. "Yeah well, I was called out on my bullshit recently so..."

Matthew smiled wryly and opened his mouth to speak up when he felt something move against his leg. A look downwards revealed Ringo, obviously vying for attention. He lowered himself to pet the cat, eyebrows rising. "Well then, hello there. I haven't seen you at all since we came here. Have you been hiding out?"

The cat purred and climbed up to settle on his lap in one swift movement. Somewhat bemused, Matthew accepted his new role as petting bed and a looked up to give a witty remark, only to stop at the sight of Edward's crestfallen face.

"...he's been avoiding me this entire time. I thought it was all three of us he didn't like, because we're new..."

Matthew frowned, "Well, this is the first time I've seen him so maybe he was avoiding all of us?"

Edward slowly reached out to Ringo, only for the cat to immediately flee from his place on Matthew's lap and into the hallway. Edward's hand remained suspended in the air for a moment before he drew it back, looking remarkably upset.

Matthew's frown turned concerned. Edward had taken Ringo's loss pretty hard the first time around. The cat rejecting him now wasn't helping things with the man's mental state. "...maybe it's because you're so much like Edd but at the same time not much at all? He might just be confused and wary."

Edward shook his head as if to clear it, visibly suppressing any further reaction with a sigh. A strange, heavy silence fell over them for several moments as he composed himself.

"...what if we do go back?"

Matthew took a moment to reply, taken off guard by the question.

"What do you mean?"

"To our present, the future, whatever. Thomas has been trying so hard to find a way back, and maybe he'll succeed, or maybe something else will fling us back." when his eyes met Matthew's they were hard, "What then?"

Matthew found himself at a loss. Somehow, despite returning as soon as possible having been his initial intention while staying here, he hadn't considered the possibility at all in the last few days. What if they got back with Edward in tow? Would he play his role of a good little soldier and turn him in? Would he decide to go against Red Leader once again?

...did he want to go back at all?

"What are we to each other, Matthew? And what would we be back in our own time?" Edward continued, gaze flinty.

"I... I don't... know..."

The current ambiguity between them was dangerous, as was the ambivalence within Matthew. If given the choice, would he actually go back to their time? Was his mission even important to him right now? Was his position? Would he risk it all to stay in simpler times?

"I... I..." his sight half blurred as his left eye was clouded by tears. He looked back at Edward, who now seemed surprised and concerned. "Edward... I... I don't want... know... what do I do?"

Matthew's face twisted wretchedly and Edward's softened, the other man's sorrow and confusion reflected on himself. Before he could even think to stop himself, he pulled the now crying ginger into an embrace, an echo of sweeter times and similar moments overlaid on the present in his mind.

"Hey, it's alright, never mind that. We'll just... we'll just deal with it as it comes, yeah?" he muttered in an attempt to comfort him.

The truth was, he didn't know either.

Did he have it in him to continue the fight? To keep on fleeing?

To point his gun at Matthew with serious intent?

With the way this place softened him, would he even be able to shoot Thomas? Tord?

Where did they even stand anymore?

AN:

a bit on the short side. this was supposed to be mostly a serious discussion on forgiveness but then it degraded into shipping and towards the end the feels just sprung up on me without warning. i couldnt plan this story properly if i tried, apparently

next up should bea bit on edd and his take on the whole situation

comments are love, comments are life, they give me energy to give you more angst... did that rhyme? im not sure